My Chapter: First Attempt

[Loyalty of Darkness]

Comments Welcome

 

Umbral Dragons

 

Origins - A peaceful agriworld in a system otherwise ruled by war on the edge of Segmentum Tempestus. For centuries it existed in neutrality, selling food to both sides of an ongoing, clandestine conflict with origins lost to time between their two closest neighbors, a desert planet and a jungle deathworld. (Tarosis and Lirin, respectively) This changed with the sudden appearance of a strike force (Side unknown, all known forces at the time deny involvement) attacking the shipments and stealing the supplies aboard. At length, the Imperial Navy was dispatched to solve the "pirate" problems. In the aftermath, Ork Freebooters and Dark Eldar pirates moved in and replaced the human raiders. It was this conflict that sent the recently founded Umbral Dragons Chapter to the system.

 

Homeworld - The center of the conflict, Langtree, was selected as the homeworld for the marines. Its location allows them to chose choice candidates from both the worlds, as youths are trained to carry weapons and kill their enemies from the time they can walk. It also provides an excellent staging ground for attacks against nearby Ork worlds and provides the system with excellent defenses against still occuring Dark Eldar pirates.

 

Gene-seed - The gene-seed for the Umbral Dragons was that of the Ultramarines, though the naturally high levels of aggression in the local peoples combined with additional horomone treatments virtually identical to those used by the Black Temlars create stable warriors who can be whipped into a righteous fury like few others in the face of battle.

 

Combat Doctrine - The tendencies of the Umbral Dragons were originally very codex, though the people they recruit from have altered their choice tactics over time. Now their focus is on a mixture of codex tactics with increased use of close combat. (Blessed be the Warriors) However, the people have also become quite proud of their prowess, and often deny the help of others, even when it would be prudent to accept the help offered. (We Stand Alone)

 

Appearance - The Dragons take their image from the Mhogina - creatures from the myths of Langtree, dark figures that swept thru the night, striking their foes down with lightning and blades. The commander of any given squad also is given to change the detailing of the armor in any way they wish. Fairly traditional choices put gold on tactical squads, red on those that carry heavy weapons, silver on those that are part of a command unit, while fast attack units have the yellow and black taken from large and deadly insectoids that inhabit the planets in the system. The left shoulder pads often have the squad insignia, while the right often has prayers or names of fallen brothers engraved upon it. No single chapter badge exists for this chapter.

 

Notes - Blue is another popular colour in the assault squads, but only a few are given way to wear it in any large amount. Those assault breatheren that show extreme prowess are inducted into the Knights of the Azure Sky (Elite Assault Squads from Blessed be the Warriors). They are granted jump packs of royal blue, and often descend into the battle from upon high.

[NoxI]

Sounds interesting. Good stuff. However, I think you should elaborate on the Umbral Dragon's history of war. Like tell us just how they fight their battles against the Dark Eldar and Orks. Do the Dragons maintain a strong naval prescence or do they just wait for the enemies to land? Do they participate in many boarding actions or is it mostly ground based combat? This could help you explain exactly why the Umbral Dragons fight the way they do, which I also think is a bit lacking.

 

Good concept though. I kinda like the "family feud" type of thing, though you should probably explain why the world was attacked and how serious it was (especially since space marines were sent, usually a pretty extreme measure).

[schoon]

Few few things for further thought:

 

How has this argicultural planet remained neutral? As a valuable resource, one of the warring factions would have taken it over long ago ... unless there's something else special about the situation?

 

What has recently attracted the attentions of the Orks and Dark Eldar? In other words, why haven't they been raiding the area for years?

 

What's the cause of the conflict between Tarosis and Lirin (yes, I know you said it's been forgotten, but it's important), and why has it persisted for so long? Contrary to popular opinion, people generally need more motivation to fight than "because my father did and his father before him." Is there something about the societies on those worlds that has contributed to this?

 

"Manus"?

 

Mhogina: you imply that they are animals, but at the same time they use lightning and blades? I'd put it firmly in one category or the other. If animals, then how do the fit into the ecology and food chain? If intelligent or part of the indiginous population. how did they become they way they are and how do they fit into society?

 

Where do the large deadly insectoids live, and how do they interrelate with the rest of it?

 

Given the nocturnal nature of their inspiration (the Mhogina) you might consider dark blue or blue-black as an important color, and possibly making the elite assualt unit the "Knights of Twilight" or "Masters of the Night Sky."

 

Hope this all helps get your creative thoughts flowing! :tu:

[Loyalty of Darkness]

"Manus" was from an earlier draft. Forgot to take it out. And the Mogina are mythical creatures along the lines of the Ringwraiths of Tolkien (or Wraiths from D&D), vaugley humanoid war-spectres.

 

The yellow/black creatures are common on many of the planets in the system (possibly part of a far distant Splinter Hive), and their speed is the reason for the fast attack to take their colours.

 

I'm working on the rest of it still, and thanks (though I think people are stupid enough to fight and die simply 'cause their parents did. Never have had much faith in humans.)