Index Astartes: Harbingers of Fire

[Chinchillapimp]

Origins

Founded in the middle of the 36th millennium, the Harbingers of Fire chapter was established in response to significant Ork activity in the wake of the Plague of Unbelief. The primary area of concern was the Incus Cluster, a densely packed group of stars in an otherwise sparse area of space along the Southwestern edge of the Segmentum Tempestus. Within this stellar group were the most vital industrial assets of the sector, including a forgeworld, a shipyard, and hundreds of rich mining planets.

 

Unusual warp eddies made navigating to the area quite difficult

[Ferrata]

... Harbingers of Fire was selected more for its strategic location than any other factor. It was only a convenient bonus that the inhabitants of Ogon Secundus made exemplary Space Marine recruits.

This seems a little backwards for a Space Marine chapter, I would have thought the recruit production is the most important thing for a Space Marine chapter, followed my strategic location.

 

The Ogon system rapidly became a vital cog in the Imperium's engine of war.

Seems a little "We are soo cool", maybe say it was a "vital cog in the Imperium's engine of war for the sub-sector"

 

Specialized troops had to be brought from all over the Imperium to help the garrison repel the Orks

[Rogue Trader]

Not a bad start at all, though I would say a fair bit of that information should be in the Homeworld section, rather than origins...

 

How about telling us why they were created? I'm presuming to safe guard this vital cog in the machine, but there'd have to be a pretty potent thread to warrant the creation of an entire chapter of Marines... Perhaps have the settlers establish themselves, and then the planet comes under attack from the Orks on numerous occasions, thus prompting the High Lords to recognise the need for a marine chapter...

 

I'm inclined to agree with everything Ferrata said, in particular on scaling back the importance a bit - if the planet was important to the whole Imperium, we'd've heard of it before now :) Even on Segmentum scale is maybe a little ambitious... Sector level sounds good to me though.

 

 

Typically, Marine chapters aren't granted governorship of a planet, let alone a system - they tend to recognise the merit in allowing people to do what they do best - Marines are good at killing the enemies of the Imperium, but they're probably not so hot on the paperwork and admin of governorship ;)

 

Anyway, I look forward to reading the rest of the article as your produce it.

[Chinchillapimp]

... Harbingers of Fire was selected more for its strategic location than any other factor. It was only a convenient bonus that the inhabitants of Ogon Secundus made exemplary Space Marine recruits.

This seems a little backwards for a Space Marine chapter, I would have thought the recruit production is the most important thing for a Space Marine chapter, followed my strategic location.

In general I agree, but it does make some sense that a founding authorized by the High Lords of Terra would serve their needs as much as they could get away with. In this case I'm emphasizing that it was a case of the High Lords pushing the boundaries of their authority by insisting on the homeworld location. In any case, this should probably be worded more gently.

 

The Ogon system rapidly became a vital cog in the Imperium's engine of war.

Seems a little "We are soo cool", maybe say it was a "vital cog in the Imperium's engine of war for the sub-sector"

I'm certainly trying to avoid the "We are so cool" factor that seems to be the norm for fan fluff, but in this case it's important to illustrate the unusually vital nature of the system to justify the High Lords' pushing their weight around.

 

Specialized troops had to be brought from all over the Imperium to help the garrison repel the Orks

[Ferrata]

I can see, however, a notable Marine from any chapter making a request that they be given the honor of the founding. Like any massive bureaucracy, if you pester them enough they might give in if the situation is right.

I can't see marines going "Gimme a chapter, Gimme". What is most likely to happen is that the High Lords create a chapter, say of Ultramarine gene-seed. They will then contact an Ultramarine successor to send a training cadre (probably consisting of a Captain, veteran sergeants, techmarines, apothecaries and Chaplains.). The Chapter Master will go to random Captain "You have an assignment", and he will pick his men to join him. The Captain will become the Chapter Master of the new Chapter. A Chaplain would not be to pester for his own chapter.

[Chinchillapimp]

Not a bad start at all, though I would say a fair bit of that information should be in the Homeworld section, rather than origins...

The Homeworld section will describe more about their current situation since their original homeworld was destroyed. The Index Astartes format doesn

[Rogue Trader]

Whilst a chapter master made hold a governorship to a planet, or indeed a system, it would most likely be a honourary title - I can't see Marneus Calgar spending his days scheduling holidays or checking quotas of foodstocks or the other menial-yet-vital administrative jobs... better to leave that to someone who's probably come from generations of administrators and get on with kicking butt instead :ph34r:

[Chinchillapimp]

I can see, however, a notable Marine from any chapter making a request that they be given the honor of the founding. Like any massive bureaucracy, if you pester them enough they might give in if the situation is right.

I can't see marines going "Gimme a chapter, Gimme". What is most likely to happen is that the High Lords create a chapter, say of Ultramarine gene-seed. They will then contact an Ultramarine successor to send a training cadre (probably consisting of a Captain, veteran sergeants, techmarines, apothecaries and Chaplains.). The Chapter Master will go to random Captain "You have an assignment", and he will pick his men to join him. The Captain will become the Chapter Master of the new Chapter. A Chaplain would not be to pester for his own chapter.

I completely agree that the way you

[utilityzero]

it would still make more sense for a chapter local to the area to request assistance in keeping the orks in check, they could specifically request additional space marines as more conventional forces are proving less than adequate for some reason, so the high lords decide to found a new chapter and send it to the area rather than petition other chapters for additional crusades. the local chapter (i'm assuming the thunderlords are in the area, hence their concern for this planet) is assigned to train and mentor the new chapter because they are in the area and they have some experience with the primary threat, the orks.

[Ferrata]

zero's comment makes more sense and does actually fit into current thinking about how Chapters are created. Having a Chapter ask for assistance and the High Lords reply with a new chapter :)

[Chinchillapimp]

Based on some of the excellent feedback I received, I

[Rogue Trader]

Wow. That is a vast improvement over the previous piece, I'm impressed. :)

 

There are one or two things I think could maybe improve it, but they're mostly minor quibbles:

 

In the time of the Age of Apostasy, however, it did not seem to provide any concealment from a lucky wandering Ork warband.

Perhaps change that to something like "However, during the dark days of the Age of Apostasy, with the Imperium already in turmoil, it did not seem to..."

 

I'd also suggest that rather than a 'lucky wandering Ork warband' (I'm not sure exactly how they're lucky or what that has to do with it!) you have it as an Ork Waaagh! (which is basically an Ork Warlord gathering all the troops he can find, jumping aboard a space hulk or mek spaceship and setting off on a rampage that can span systems). It seems a lot more of a threat that way than a 'warband' which, to me, brings to mind a force of Orks about the size you'd see on a tabletop, which isn't really that scary ;)

 

 

...but the craftier and more mobile raiding parties were able to strike with little warning before retreating to fight another day. These rapid strikes were often devastating to the industrial operations of the area, but were difficult for the cumbersome Navy fleet to counter....

This sounds pretty darn cunning for an Ork force - might it be worth giving this crafty Ork Warlord a name? It could provide a little more character and maybe give your chapter an arch-nemisis in the early years of it's development...

 

 

Requests for reinforcements fell on deaf ears, as most nearby Navy and Guard forces were caught up in the bedlam of the final years of Cardinal Bucharis’ rebellion to the Northwest.

Nothing wrong here at all, just wanted to say how great it is to see you weaving your chapter's history into events from the official timeline :) It really helps to make the chapter more believable, and makes them feel more rooted in the 40k universe, and that's always something to aim for :P

 

 

...the Thunder Lords were given the honor of creating a new chapter in the Incus Cluster.

Perhaps change 'creating a' to 'guiding the' - as really it's the AM that create the chapter, though the initial cadre obviously plays a heavy role in their subsequent development...

 

 

The Thunder Lords lived among the population, toiling in the Sulodon mines alongside them.

I'm guessing you're going for a Salamanders 'chapter of the people' angle here, which is fine, but I just find the concept of Marines working in mines a little difficult... Marines are, after all, bioengineered killing machines, so it seems a waste to have them underground hacking away at rock... The Salamanders are slightly different in that whilst they do work amongst the people, they cultivate the skills of a blacksmith, which pay dividends in the manufacture of weapons and armour. That doesn't translate so well to mining, to my eyes...

 

In all honesty, I think the idea weakens the Origins section - you go on to say

While this effort and sacrifice helped to form the initial bonds between the Space Marines and the Sulodonians, it was through the commonalities of spiritual belief that the Thunder Lords eventually gained their admiration and acceptance.

and to my mind, that works perfectly by itself, without working in the mines... you could keep the mining rescue, if you want to display the humanitarian streak, but maybe play it differently... perhaps the mining collapse occurs as the Marines are on a routine patrol, and they stop to render assistance and break the ice that way...

[Chinchillapimp]

“Wow. That is a vast improvement over the previous piece, I'm impressed.”

Thanks! It all came together pretty easily once you pointed out the lack of focus on the reason for their creation.

 

“Perhaps change that to something like "However, during the dark days of the Age of Apostasy, with the Imperium already in turmoil, it did not seem to..."”

Yes, that’s a good change.

 

“I'd also suggest that rather than a 'lucky wandering Ork warband'…”

Yea, I struggled with how to word that. I didn’t want it sound as though the Orks were so brilliant that they were able to navigate easily to the system when others could not. My idea was that they just happened upon it while doing what Orks do. The story originally featured a specific Ork Warlord, but I removed it when trying to get the narrative stripped down to the most important information. I think you are right about removing the word ‘lucky;’ it doesn’t have any think to do with luck on the Orks’ part.

 

“Nothing wrong here at all, just wanted to say how great it is to see you weaving your chapter's history into events from the official timeline”

Thanks! I’m always very careful with how I tie things in to existing stories. I’ve seen too many people try to deeply wedge their own writing into the existing fluff by taking some off-hand mention and running with it. That gets messy and my only reply is :unsure:. For me, the key is to write content that is very unlikely to be affected by later additions or changes to the official background stories.

 

“Perhaps change 'creating a' to 'guiding the'…”

Again, great suggestion.

 

“I'm guessing you're going for a Salamanders 'chapter of the people' angle here…”

That’s part of it, but I was also trying to figure out exactly how the beginnings of the founding take place. While it’s definitely beneath Marines to labor away in a mine, I would think that a cadre of founding Marines would try to be clever about how they integrated themselves into the people of the homeworld. That would make toiling at manual labor worth it, at least for a time.

 

I imagine that founding a chapter on an isolationist world would be similar to a real world religious mission in an underdeveloped country. They missionaries go in and provide medical aid and help build houses and bridges before they really start talking about God. (US Army Special Forces do the exact same thing when trying to establish credibility with the locals.)

 

I’m sure that some foundings are met with great applause and rejoicing as the people welcome their god-like new defenders, but on an isolationist world with little use for outsiders the Marines would be met with a shrug of the shoulders before the people get back to work. In the minds of the people of Sulodon, the rest of the Imperium is worlds away. The planetary environment is such that very few representatives of the Imperium stay for long, so Sulodon is left alone as long as the mining operations continue unabated. Why should the Sulodonians treat the Marines any differently than they have other well-armed visitors? Give them what they ask for and stay out of their way until they leave. Certainly the Marines’ bolters would give them reason to be respectful, but I can’t imagine it would give them much reason to excitedly volunteer for duty. The Marines could easily force the people into servitude, but the Marines would want a way to gain the people’s admiration for them to make useful Marines. Servitude at gunpoint is the way of the Imperial Guard, not those trying to create their own brethren.

 

I’m not necessarily stuck on it playing out that way; can you think of other ways the Marines would ingratiate themselves with the human populace? I thought of playing up the religious commonalities, since in the end it turns out to be the most important factor, but I’d rather it be that their common beliefs started to merge only after the Sulodonians started to genuinely respect the Marines as part of their community. I’ll experiment with some other ideas in the meantime and see if any stick.

 

(Note: The Chapter’s gene-seed is actually of Ultramarines stock—the emphasis on fire and the use of the hammer iconography have their origins in the culture of their homeworld and only evoke the Salamanders by coincidence. They’ll be more about that in the Homeworld and Beliefs sections.)

[Chinchillapimp]

I

[Ferrata]

Founded in the middle of the 36th millennium, the Harbingers of Fire chapter was established in response to significant xeno activity in the wake of the Plague of Unbelief. The primary area of concern was the Incus Cluster, a densely packed group of stars in an otherwise sparse area of space along the Southwestern edge of the Segmentum Tempestus. Within this stellar group were the most vital industrial assets of the sector, including a forgeworld, a shipyard, and hundreds of rich mining planets.

Any Xenos in particular? or Xenos in general?

 

The Orks began raiding the Incus shipyards and other orbital assets with a frequency that the Imperial Navy garrison had trouble keeping up with. The successful raids fed the Orks

[Chinchillapimp]

"Any Xenos in particular? or Xenos in general?"

 

Yup, Orks. The term xenos was a holdover from a prior draft involving others too. Updated.

 

"I thought you said they had repelled the Orks? If these are different Ork entrents, a lot of Orks are getting through the eddies, maybe have the first one set up some kind of stronghold which just bred Orks..."

 

Yes, I attempted to imply that the Orks had set up breeding colonies nearby and were attacking as quickly as they were able. It's not so much hit and run, as it is they attack until they take massive casualities, then they flee to fight another day.

 

"Maybe make it 22nd. If I remember correctly, the 21st was at the start of the AoA..."

 

I totally agree. Updated.

 

"I don't think anyone would dare not trust a Space Marine, let alone normal citizens. You don't need to have your chapter interact with the home world, the citizens don't even to know the exist. My Chapter doesn't interact with the people of its home world, just sends scouts down to pick of the good warriors in battle. The only thing the people know of them is that "Angels" come and take away the good young fighters."

 

OK, OK I give in. :devil: While I'm not giving up on the concept that Marines might work alongside humans to gain their trust, I think it would be more appropriate for my chapter to start out with a less heroic start. In the end they will be abusive and murderous, so it makes sense to start out that way.

 

"By Thunder Lords I assume you mean the Veteran Cadre..."

 

Yup. I just didn't want to repeat