BlueWaterDragon Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Well here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master SFDRF Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 hmm ur write, i did like it. although some clearing up come of been good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueWaterDragon Posted January 17, 2007 Author Share Posted January 17, 2007 Thank you grand master sfdrf. Please pass it on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArbitesAugmented Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I liked it, but I was slightly confused why the orks suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueWaterDragon Posted January 17, 2007 Author Share Posted January 17, 2007 Tthe orks were the army they were fighting on the planet, I just wanted it to be simple, like me! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master SFDRF Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I just wanted it to be simple, like me! :D cough cough. hmm a bit more would be good too, and a few more ORKS!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrata Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 The story aint half bad, never a big fan of conversational pieces. Little iffy on your fluff though, recruits need to be between 12 and 14 so it would be hard for the Sarge to be a member of the Imperial Guard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueWaterDragon Posted January 18, 2007 Author Share Posted January 18, 2007 Depends on the Chapter, and also the fact I was using older source material. It was also Halen's (the sarge) first tour of duty and he could be 15-16. To me as a roleplayer and gamer it doesn't make sense that they would be so young, some experience of combat would probably be handy. Personally though I liked the idea of exploring who the marines are, and I really don't see them as being so uptight. The stress would drive them nuts! I did look into the whole hypontherapy thing and apparently it is purely to help thier implants work better, they don't need to be conditioned to love the Emperor, as he is already amazingly shinie! As for them being monks, umm yeah well Buckfast Abbey tonic wine anyone? Monkdom mearly confers a state of tranquility and peace which they would need or insanity would swiftly follow, good example the American soldiers in Korea and Vietnam. One thing to remember this is just the way I see them as cool, based on loose reseach, I must admit, but somethings can be over analysed to the detriment of the storytelling. Just FYI I'm working on one about Abaddon. The quote is from Disney's Lion King, "I'm surrounded by IDIOTS!" by Scar. At the end of te day I write to entertain myself, I just choose to share them with other people :) Forgot to say, will be posting the other half of this shortly, my edit didn't work so I had to do it this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrata Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Its not that they choose to use young boys, its that the implants only work with boys who are pre-puberity (or early stages). The release of the growth hormones during this period allow the implants to take, were an older subjecthas little growth hormones and thus the implants are almost impossible to implant. A chapter would not risk their gene-seed on a subject that is "almost impossible" to get a recruit from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueWaterDragon Posted January 18, 2007 Author Share Posted January 18, 2007 Sorry the infomation I was using is older than current canon. I just felt it made for a better story that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaplain belisarius Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 hmm...i like this one! i may try to write something now...involving ultramarines or imperial fists! cant wait to see the abaddon story-it sounds like it could be funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Cambrius Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 That was a good read BWD. B) I like the sound of Abbadon being surrounded by idiots (mostly Khorne Bezerkers I presume...). A few grammatical errors here and there so I'd advise sticking it through word for a check up. :) Cambrius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueWaterDragon Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 Good Grief! I thought I'd been forgotten about! Look up my other stuff. 'Truth Will Out' is better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshall Strat Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 All your stuff is easily readable. Speaking of the truth will out,... is there an update planned for it? PLEASE!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Cambrius Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 All your stuff is easily readable. Speaking of the truth will out,... is there an update planned for it? PLEASE!!! Indeed. UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! Cambrius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueWaterDragon Posted April 12, 2008 Author Share Posted April 12, 2008 Ok there's an update coming for this one shortly. I'm afraid I've been writing several different stories in a varitey of universes, (Star Wars Gaaaahhhh!! [Want a linkie PM me!] Call of Cthulhu YAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!! Get the inspiration off me!! It burns!!!) so I haven't been writing as much of my Wahammer as I'd have liked. 'Truth Will Out' is due for an update, but all of my stories are tied together, I'll give a cookie to the person who finds the one character that appears in both 'Truth Will Out' and 'Respect and Honour' and PM's me with the result! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshall Strat Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 :rolleyes: Well, at least I have a cookie to eat while waiting...) All kidding aside: you have great plots and you're a good storyteller. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueWaterDragon Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I know it changes tense here, but gimme a break! I'm writing my knuckles to the bone here! I had been transferred to a newly created Chapter, 'The Sons of Plunder', where I was to train other Brothers in the arcane art of not having a daemon suck one's brains out. I was sitting in silent contemplation in my Librarium. It had been a warm, pleasant day and I had spent the majority of it sitting on a balcony with my students. Training was hard work for everyone involved and I had decided that a day of meditation would serve them well as a change of pace. That and one of my apprentices had had an unfortunate encounter the day before. The tech-marines had told me that his armour could be decontaminated, re-consecrating it would be another matter entirely. I opened my eyes as I sensed another presence in the room with me. A serf knelt before me, eyes cast down to the floor. "Yes?" I said, setting aside the book I was holding and steepling my fingers. "Brother-Librarian, Chapter-Master Indarin has requested your presence immediately." The voice was light and quiet. "Raise your face to me," I said, settling into my deep blue robes. "I was told not to Brother-Librarian, I was told it would be an insult to you," she shuddered. "I was told that you might steal my soul if I offended you. I was told..." I interrupted her. "I have told you to look at me. The question I can feel rising in your mind is, 'do I look up and risk losing my soul, or do I risk his wrath by disobedience.'" I stood and walked around the desk to tower over her. "Which will you choose, I wonder?" I paused to scratch my chin. "But consider this; you are a scion of the Space Marines, as am I. The Emperor owns both our souls, thus you are safe from any retribution that my abilities could perform." Her head snapped up and her eyes met mine. She was pretty, but not exceptional. I smiled warmly at her. "Don't worry child, I shall not harm you. Come, we shall see what the good Brother wants us for." The Chapter-Master was sitting in quiet contemplation before a floor-to-ceiling window. The view was breath-taking. The boundless ocean of Katrina II shifted lazily in the light from the setting sun, the low angle turning the water into wine. I stood a moment, joining him in the study of the waves. I knew that like me, he could hear them crashing at the foot of the Fortress-Monastery. Sitting down beside him in silence, I meditated for a while, on my life and the place at which I now found myself. It never ceased to amaze me, the creature I had become, no longer human. Both more than the man I had been and yet also somehow less. "The peace here is a welcome relief," he said. "I need it, especially after the day I've had. What is it that makes a Planetary Governor think that he can defy me?" "The Will of the Emperor, Brother," I replied quietly. "Hmm? Oh yes, Brother-Librarian, I am sorry, please forgive me. It is easy to forget how much has changed. You are correct as always. What makes him think that he can defy the Will of the Emperor?" Brother Indarin turned his haunted green eyes to me, and I saw a brief flash of something else in there. He had allowed few others than Tigurius of the Ultramarines to see what was truly on his mind, so to speak. However I had ascertained the extent of the damage that his burden was doing to his mind. One day it would kill him, but that did not seem to bother him overly. "You summoned me, Brother?" I said. He looked momentarily perplexed, before he sighed. "I did. We received an emergency signal a few days ago," he looked at me apologetically before continuing. "As you remember I'm sure." "No Brother, I was busy at the time and the Librarium is shielded from psychic emanations. I could not hear anything in there." Outside of its protection, the world is a noisy place. The Warp impinges constantly on the Materium, and the ability to see it is often more of a hindrance than a help. The ever burning light of the Astronomican, was the beacon in the darkness to which I always turned my eyes. ''I know," Indarin sighed heavily. ''I wish that our lives could be simpler. Still Brother, to the matter at hand, the emergency broadcast was received from an Astropath however transmission was not completed and we were forced to trace the signal. It has unfortunately taken longer than we would have hoped." He handed me a piece of paper, and I read the brief transcript. "What disturbs me most about this," he continued. "Is that those are the last known co-ordinates of the Fifth Company. It would appear that some of our boys are in trouble." He stood and strode to the window, I rose and followed him. Placing both palms on the cool glass, he rested his forehead between his thumbs and whispered darkly, "my Fallen Brothers have returned." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshall Strat Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 NICE! I like the way you're tying this in with _The Truth Will Out_. Again, you sucked me into reading one of your stories, and left me with a cliffhanger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueWaterDragon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 The mighty ships exited the Warp and I instantly knew something was wrong in the planetary system. It was silent to me, and I quietly mourned the loss of so many lives. There were no internal communications in the system but the debris that littered the main planet's orbit spoke volumes. Detailed examination revealed some of what had happened to the world, and hinted as to the fate that had befallen the inhabitants. A name was discovered in one of the ships, The Spear of Retribution, a sister ship, Indarin had explained, to one that he had served on many years before. I stood beside Brother Indarin on the command deck of the Eternal Silence, watching the muscles in his jaw working as he clenched and unclenched his teeth. After a few moments he turned to me and spoke. "It would appear that we have arrived too late. However we are duty-bound to investigate, and either rescue or terminate any survivors." He sighed and rolled his shoulders. Continuing quietly he said, almost to himself. "Sometimes I wonder if all of the sacrifices have been worth it." "You know that to question the Will of the Emperor is blaspemy Brother." I said. Indarin stared at me, and said. "You of all people should understand. Besides it is impossible to commit blasphemy against a man." "So, you do deny that the Emperor is the Omnissiah." "How can a man deny that which he does not fully understand?" he said flatly. I studied him carefully, almost as though it was the first time we had met. His pure white hair framed his dark skinned face, his bright green eyes hard as he looked into mine. "You sons of Gulliman always assumed that you were the favored of the Emperor." Something rose behind his eyes and they changed to deep black pools, each had a single point of light at the centre, glowing like the Astromonican. "But when the time came, you all failed me." The last words hissed from between his lips. His body sagged as the energy that had surged through him abruptly diminished. "Yes we did, but we are trying to see to it that it does not happen again. Blessed is Your Light my Emperor." I understood some of what was happening to Brother Indarin, although why the Emperor had chosen him was a complete mystery to me. I sensed him return to his own control and I patted him on the shoulder. It often amazed me that despite the fact that he was chronologically millenia old, he had not been a Marine for very long before he had undertaken his mission. He was a deal shorter than myself and his armour had never required adjustment. I myself had grown so fast both physically and in my abilities, that as soon as a suit of Terminator armour had become available I had been moved to the top of the list. This had proven irksome to some of my Brothers, but the argument had been settled in time honoured tradition. The fight had not lasted for very long, and once honour was satisfied we toasted each other's health, and spent the rest of our free time talking. I smiled at the memory and returned my attention to the present. Indarin was staring interestedly at me, it was one of his stranger habits to give whomever he was looking at his complete and utter attention. I was always disconcerted by it, and I had no idea how the serfs of the Chapter dealt with the scrutiny. It always made my mind want to wander, a dangerous effect for a Librarian. But as I collected my thoughts, I felt an eerie presence somewhere near by. "Excuse me Chapter-Master. I can feel something, do I have your permission to assemble my Librarians?" I looked down at him. "You need my permission for that?" He said cocking his head. If anyone else had said it I would have thought that they were joking, but I knew full well that he was still unsure of his responsabilities. I saluted him and strode out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Cambrius Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Nice. I see story crossings here. The servitor sounded familiar somehow... I'll begin reading respect and honour once more as I've forgotten the story for some reason. :) Time to refresh my ever cluttered mind. Well done and I look forward ot the next update when it comes. :) Cambrius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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