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Deathwatch: The Series!


Leethal

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Deathwatch: The Series!

Every Hour, on the Hour!

 

Written by Leethal of B&C

Updates: Whenever I feel like it!

 

Thought of the Day: "We're sorry but we're out of Dreadnought Sarcophagi, HOWEVER, I can make your friend's almost dead body here a Servo-Skull, so he can fulfill his oath."

-1,000 Reasons not take "In death I still serve." as an oath

 

 

 

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Alright fancy britches, we're going on a new mission. Suit up!

 

Iruel: Okay. But let's go later, Lost is on.

 

Raziel: Screw the mission, I want to stay! There's a heretic here and a scalpel with my name on it!

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Hmm, did I ask you to suit up? NO! I COMMANDED YOU!

 

Julius Raseac: I don't feel like it...

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Aww...really? Why so down buster brown? Should I bring up some nice poofy pillows for us? Maybe some cookies, and hot chocolate with those itty bitty marshmallows? And then perhaps we can talk about our feelings and junk. How about it guys?

 

Skarr Blackfeather: It's a trap...

 

Julius Raseac: Really Librarian?

 

Raka Thunderhoof: **** NO! We're Space Marines! Up and at them! We don't need no feelings or other girly crap! We're not Emperor's Children! Come on! Up and at them! Do you freaks want to live forever?!

 

Hurin Bloodfang: Well...we are immortal aren't we?

 

Raka Thunderhoof: That's up for discussion. Here let's discuss it. Here's Mr. Hellfire Bolt Pistol. Now give me your face, let's see if your immortal now!

 

Hurin Bloodfang: Umm... I think I hear the servitors calling me...

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Why the hell are you pansies still here?! GET ARMED! NOW!

 

Raka Thunderhoof casts Piercing Glare of Doom!

 

Everyone flees, a poor servitor's face explodes due to the glare

 

Da Intercom...vox...Loudspeaker thing : Kill Team 17 please report to- Hey! Raka get out of here! What are you do-mmmfh!!!

 

Raka on Intercom...vox thing: GET THE HELL IN THE BATTLE ROOM! WE HAVE PLANS!!! MOVE MOVE MOVE! Now...how do I turn this off? This would be easier if I didn't break that man's face.......I can figure this out....screw it. I'll just smash it-ksssssh...

 

Later on in the Battle Room discussing stuff, and stuff...important stuff...

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Now, we will be inserting into the Halo Stars. Our objective will be to assassinate the the Lelith Royal Family.

 

Raziel: Pfft, the Lelith? We smashed them in the last Halo Star Crusade.

 

Raka Thunderhoof: YOU ARE SOOOOOO WRONG! The Tyranid threat had forced the previous crusade from destroying their Home planet and taking it in the name of the Emperor. Due to the Ultramarines being totally incompetant at Macragge, the vast majority of the Crusade's forces went in that direction.

 

Julius Raseac: We're not incompetant..........Tyranids are hard to kill....

 

Hurin Bloodfang: They're Guardsmen with claws. Not THAT hard to kill.

 

Raka Thunderhoof: HEY! HEY! WHOSE IN CHARGE OF THIS TEAM?! That's right, it's ME! Now...SHUT THE HELL UP! *ahem* Now, the Lelith "Empire", their sad imitation of the Imperium of Man, is held together by this family. If one were to remove said family, the Lelith Empire would crumble and eventually break down into bickering forces who would kill each other off for us.

 

Skarr Blackfeather: So....how are we even going to get near the Royal family? Let alone fight through hordes of Lelith forces getting in...and then again getting out...

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Easy! The Inquisitor has commandeered 4 Imperial Guard regiments, to distract the Lelith. During the confusion, the family will flee. Heavy bombardment and artillery strikes will further disrupt their forces, and where we will sneak in and plan an ambush.

 

Raziel: I see...the Imperial Cannon Fodder plan. Very nice, Librarian.

 

Julius Raseac: WHAT?! We're throwing away the lives of humans to succeed in our goals?! The Codex Astartes states to win the hearts and minds of the-

 

POW!

 

Ferrus Pollux: Oh, right I needed permission first right?

 

Raka Thunderhoof: No, no. Just smack him whenever you deem it necessary.

 

Ferrus Pollux: Awesome.

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Furthermore, after the deaths of the Royal Family, we will exit the city, and leave the system. The Imperial Guard will have orders to cover our retreat and basically do whatever they want once we are gone.

 

Julius Raseac: We are fleeing? The Codex Astartes state that we should die standing!

 

Ferrus Pollux: But common sense states, "I don't want to die", and thus we hightail the hell out of there. And oh...I forgot.

 

Smack

 

Julius Raseac: Stop that! You're just jealous you have like only 2 pages to your Chapter in the new Codex! Jealous!

 

Raka Thunderhoof: ... Childish bickering aside. This operation will be launched as soon as I stop talking, which is a shame since I do ever enjoy talking. I also enjoy rambling, which I tend to do sometimes, where I just go on and on and on, and on and mmmmmmmfh!

 

Leethal: Shut....up...Next scene!

 

 

 

 

The scene cuts away to Sisters of Battle in bikinis on a beach playing volleyball.

 

Leethal: Wait...what the hell? ..........Can't...stop...staring....must...fix...but...can't.........

 

Rainbow Warrior: FOR VENGEANCE!!!! *Heavy Bolters all the Battle Sisters into pieces of meat, blood and gore.*

 

Leethal: ....Uhh...thanks?

 

Rainbow Warrior: I demand sacrifice, and hearts.

 

Leethal: Uhh....look that battle sister's still alive! *Runs*

 

Rainbow Warrior: DIE! Wait a minute...

 

Back to show! And for some reason, you missed the sneaky sneaky insertion, where the Kill Team sliced throats and whatnot.

 

 

 

BOOM!

BOOM!

"For the Emperor!"

"Blargh!"

BOOM!

Splat!

Aaaah! Aieee! Die! Blaargh! Nooo! etc etc etc etc etc etc.

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Alright listen up. We will divide into three teams. Team Insane will consist of Hurin, Pio and Julius, you will take the middle, and stop the vehicle. Pollux Stern and Skarr will be team Sideline, they will lay down covering fire and cover the approach of Team Insane. Now Team ****ING AWESOME! Will be consisted of me, Iruel and Raziel, we will flank from the rear, and we will converge on the target.

 

Iruel: It's Iruel, Raziel and I.

 

Raka Thunderhoof: What?

 

Iruel: Use proper Gothic. It's "Iruel, Raziel and I."

 

Raka Thunderhoof: But you're Iruel....not I. I'm I!

 

Iruel: No....just...grr...aarubgatbahidfakbhatindfj *Aneurysm*

 

Julius Raseac: Umm...medic?

 

Pio Furnac: He is the medic retard.

 

Raziel: So...do we just leave him here? Or what...

 

Howzer Stern: Leave him be. He'll snap out of it later.

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Right, you know what to do. To your positions. Raziel, drag his body over here.

 

Raziel: Why do I have to do everything...

 

Inside a building of sorts

 

 

 

Ferrus Pollux: You know what I don't get?

 

Skarr Blackfeather: The bolt pistol goes in your mouth, and then you pull the trigger for candy.

 

Howzer Stern: Why we're sitting here in this building with a missile launcher?

 

Ferrus Pollux: Not helpful, and no. We work for the Inquisition right?

 

Howzer Stern: Correct knave.

 

Ferrus Pollux: Why can't we just...you know. Call down an exterminatus or something.

 

Skarr Blackfeather: Because planets are a rare commodity, idiot.

 

Ferrus Pollux: Oh right. Hey Stern let me shoot the Missile Launcher.

 

Howzer Stern: How about....no. Over my dead body freak.

 

Ferrus Pollux: Man...I never get to do anything fun.

 

 

 

Behind some rubble

 

 

Pio Furnac: You think the Royal Family will be fun to burn?

 

Hurin Bloodfang: Sure, why not? Aww...what the hell....I'm chainsword's missing a tooth...

 

Julius Raseac: I do not care for this...sneaking around. It is much better to face the enemy face first.

 

Pio Furnac: Well...too bad? Pffft...I can't believe Raka wouldn't let me bring Betsy...

 

Hurin Bloodfang: Remember the last time you brought Betsy?

 

Pio Furnac: Okay, that doesn't count. And that orphanage started it.

 

Hurin Bloodfang: Yeah, oooookay. Like that school started it right? Be quiet and check the plasma gun. We don't want it to blow up in our face.

 

Pio Furnac: Pfft...That would be horribly ironic if I died to an overheat wouldn't it? Burned to death. Hahaha.

 

Julius Raseac: I am an Ultramarine. Ultramarines do not "sneak" we proudly engage the enemy face first!

 

Hurin Bloodfang: Wait...sooo...you like taking it in the face?

 

Julius Raseac: Yes! All Ultramarines love taking it in the face!

 

Pio and Hurin snicker

 

Julius Raseac: No! Wait! That' came out wrong! STOP MOCKING ME!!

 

 

 

 

Elsewhere behind an abandoned building, which is only abandoner because everyone inside is dead

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Soooo....

 

Raziel blinks

 

Iruel twitches and blood gushes out his face

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Right...I'll just be quiet now.

 

Da Vox!: The targets are fleeing! Headed zero-niner-two-niner-niner-four-niner-zero-point four-niner-zero-one-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-one-zero-five-zero-ten-eleven-!-!-1-1-1!-one!

 

Raka Thunderhoof: I'm going to pretend I understood that...All teams, it's going to begin!

 

---Vroom!---

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Transport has passed our location, we're following! Raziel bring Iruel!

 

Raziel: WHAT?! How am I supposed to chase down a vehicle carrying a body?!

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Figure something out!

 

---Vroom---

 

Hurin Bloodfang: Ready Pio?

 

Pio Furnac: Yuuuuuup. Let it come a bit closer...sneaky sneaky time now.

 

Julius Raseac: FOR THE EMPEROR!

 

Hurin Bloodfang:...what part of quiet do you NOT UNDERSTAND?! PIO! TAKE IT DOWN!

 

*Pop sizzle*

 

Pio: OH GOD! MY FACE! IT'S EATING MY ARMOR!!! AAAAAAH-OH GOD! IT BURNS SOOOO MUCH!! AHAHAHAAAA! PLASMA SUCKS!!! OH GOD IT BURNS! HOLY CRAP! STOP THE BURNING!!AAAAAH *gurgle gurgle*

 

Hurin Bloodfang: Team Insane has lost the plasma gun! Charging! Awhooo!

 

---Vroom!---

 

Ferrus Pollux: HIT IT! COMON! SHOOT!

 

Howzer Stern: I HAVE BS 5 WITH RE-ROLLS! I CAN'T HIT IT! I KEEP ROLLING ONE'S! STUPID MISSILE LAUNCHER!

 

Skarr Blackfeather: Call it a Rocket Launcher!

 

Howzer Stern: WHAT?!

 

Ferrus Pollux: ROCK - IT - LAUN - CHER!

 

Skarr Blackfeather: Screw this guys, I'm going! *Jumps out window*

 

Howzer Stern: Why'd he do that?

 

 

 

Further below the window

 

 

Skarr Blackfeather: .......Crap...I don't have a Jumppack.....oh this is a sad way to di-

 

SMASH!

 

 

 

Ferrus Pollux: The transport is immbolized! Take them down now!

 

Howzer Stern: Did I hit it!? :D

 

Ferrus Pollux: Hell no, Skarr's body hit it though.

 

At the Immbolized transport[/b]

 

Lelith: Gibberish! Protect the fam-glaaaaargh!

 

Skarr Blackfeather: Boo! Eheehee hee hee hee! *Stabs and stabs and stabs*

 

Raziel: Skarr! Where'd you come from?!

 

Skarr Blackfeather: FROM THE SKIES!!! EHEEHEEHEEEHEEE!

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Stop him! Raziel! He's getting away!

 

Raziel throws Iruel's body at the running Xenos

 

Raziel: Whooo! Ten points!

 

Hurin Bloodfang: Sir! More xenos! Armed guards!

 

*Armed Lelith vehicles barrel down the road*

 

Julius Raseac: Pio Furnac has fallen in battle!

 

*Somewhere a million voices cry out in pain*

 

Howzer Stern: I got this with the Rocket Launcher!

 

6 - 6 - 6! Boom!

 

Ferrus Pollux: Wow! you hit something! Goodjob!

 

Raziel: Quickly! Let's get out of here! Wait...where'd Iruel's body go?!

 

Iruel in Rhino: GET IN!

 

Skarr Blackfeather: E hee hee hee hee!

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Man those stormbolters! Everyone get in!

 

Raziel: I got the Stormbolter! *Bang Bang Bang*

 

Rhino overcharges it's engine and FLIES!!!!!! :devil:

 

Raka Thunderhoof: WHOA! What the hell?!

 

Iruel: I'm a Blood Angel! I am teh uberest Rhino driver everrrrrr!

 

Raziel: There's too many! Go go go!

 

*A bright light goes by, Raziel falls down inside the Rhino with a gaping hole where a lung should be*

 

Hurin Bloodfang: No!

 

Raziel: Ser...ious...ly?...This.....sucks.....

 

Raka Thunderhoof: GET ON THE GUN!

 

Ferrus Pollux: Screw that! They have AP3 weapons! I have enough bionic parts on me!

 

Julius Raseac: It's mine! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!! *Bang Bang Bang*

 

*2 Lelith Transports somehow explode due to 3rd Edition Lucky Glancing rules*

 

Raziel: Oh...thats...just...em...barr..assing.......someone....kill...me....

 

Julius Raseac: Two left!

 

*The rhino stalls*

 

Iruel: NO! We stalled! Get out! Get out!

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Go! Move! Move! Move! This is the Kill Team, we have wounded! We need evacuation and covering fire now!

 

Howzer Stern: SIR! *Points at a Lelith Battle Tank*

 

Raka Thunderhoof: Oh bugger...

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

 

 

 

Oh...my...god...I left you all on a cliff hanger! Don't you JUST hate me?! Bwahahahahaha! Seriously though. Don't hurt me. I bruise easily, and if you kill me, I can't finish the stupid episode. GAWD! What happens next time?! Find out LATER!

 

 

Submit your Chaos/Renegade character to me for the Chaos Kill-Team. Continue sending me submissions for the Halloween Special! OR ELSE

*cries* I guess he's just off to the great furnace in the sky. :) Time to bring in the new characters methinks.

 

Cambrius

 

Pfft, they have to DIE FIRST. Before new people show up.

 

Oh, and there will be so much dying. Muahahahahaha.

 

Think of every stupid possible thing that can happen in tabletop. It WILL be represented in their deaths. Muahahahahaha.

*cries* I guess he's just off to the great furnace in the sky. :P Time to bring in the new characters methinks.

 

Cambrius

 

Pfft, they have to DIE FIRST. Before new people show up.

 

Oh, and there will be so much dying. Muahahahahaha.

 

Think of every stupid possible thing that can happen in tabletop. It WILL be represented in their deaths. Muahahahahaha.

 

OHMIGOD!!!

 

They are going to fall off of the edge of the world!!

Deathwatch: The Series! The Halloween Special Teaser!

 

 

Written by Leethal of B&C

Update: Whenever I feel like it!

 

Thought of the Day: "Only YOU can prevent heretical ideas!"

-Chaplain Inaz

 

Inq. Jun Von Drummond: Begin the transmission...

 

Static: Kssssssssssssssssssssssssssh...

 

Brother Genericus: Brother, Did you see that?!

 

Brother Generico: No Brother, what did you see? Is it . . . CHAOS?!

 

Brother Genericus: No...it is........

 

Thing: Screeeeee!!!

 

Brother Genericus: NOOOOO!!! Nooooo!! Nooo-gurgle....blargh *dies*

 

Brother Generico: NO! Brother! FOR THE EMPEROR! YOU WILL PAY BEAST!

 

Thing: Screeeee!!

 

Brother Generico: Oh God-Emperor! My leg! How is my leg coming out of my elbow?! Aaah!

 

Librarian Generica: Hold the line brothers! I am here! I am the Emperor's wrath! Casts something

 

Perils of the Warp: Eenie meenie minie moe, catch a pysker by the toe...ah here's one. Pop!

 

Librarian Generica: Aaaaaaaaaaah!- *pop*

 

Brother Genericu: FOR THE EMPEROR! AAAAAAAAH *SPLAT*

 

Thing: SCREE!! SCREEE!! SCREEEEE!!

 

Brother Generic: MY HEAD IS UP MY BUTT!!! WHAT KIND OF MONSTROSITY IS THIS CREATURE?!!?

 

Brother Genericy: Morale broken! Run! Run for you-urggghh....*die*

 

Commissar Bob: You WILL hold the line! To take one step back is HERESY! DIE LIKE SPESS MAHREENS! AAAAH-*SPLAT*

 

Thing: SCREEE!!!!

 

Static: Kssssssssssssssh....

 

Inq. Jun Von Drummond: What the [bleep]?!!?!?!

 

 

 

Deathwatch The Series! Halloween Special, coming to your subforum October 31st. Order your tickets today!

Librarian Generica: Hold the line brothers! I am here! I am the Emperor's wrath! Casts something

 

Perils of the Warp: Eenie meenie minie moe, catch a pysker by the toe...ah here's one. Pop!

 

Librarian Generica: Aaaaaaaaaaah!- *pop*

 

 

Laughed so loud with this one :)

Librarian Generica: Hold the line brothers! I am here! I am the Emperor's wrath! Casts something

 

Perils of the Warp: Eenie meenie minie moe, catch a pysker by the toe...ah here's one. Pop!

 

Librarian Generica: Aaaaaaaaaaah!- *pop*

 

ROFLS

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