13skullz Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 +EDIT+ Changed the name, no I am not a Satanic cultist... The Tale of the Fallen Angel, Lucifer of the Blood “Listen new arrivals, and you shall hear the tale of my battles with your Chapter Master, Lucifer the Fallen, Angel of the Blood. “Long ago, I was but a boy on Baal. You see, I was thirteen Standard Imperial years of age, nothing but a boy but at the prime of my youth. As all of you know, new recruits are taken in at that age, as the hormones raging in one’s body allow for the implants to set, but I am getting off of my topic. “I was friends with Lucifer as we were scouts. We would always test each other in contests of both physical and mental endurance. We had but two rules: one was no wings for Lucifer, and the other pertained to us both, no psychic boosts. “With those rules set, we would take on two events per day. Our favorites and most common decided on were ‘Survival of The Angel’s descent,’ and the other was ‘Surviving the Wild Desert Wastelands of Baal,’ both VERY tough challenges. “Always would it end in a draw. We both knew how to survive the fall off the ‘Descent’s’ cliffside by landing in the sink-pit at the base of the cliffside climb. It was deep enough to break each fall without much pain, yet shallow enough to stand in and wade out of. “We also both knew of the various ways to sustain oneself with the very scattered patches of wild shrubbery and plant life. These facts were more trying than the contests. “Though one day, I could only be thankful to my Emperor and to Sanguinius. That crazy friend of mine had saved me from one of the very uncommon ‘Baalite Spyders.’ The fool saw one coming at me from behind. Utterly silent, though moving at a good fifty metres per second it charged. All I saw was that one moment he was sitting behind the fire we had made, and the next his wings unfurled, brilliant black with a tinge of blue towards the edge of each feather, catching the red-orange glint of the fire light as time slowed, and I could see him leap towards something behind me with his standard issue combat knife. Turning, all I saw immediately was a giant thing, eight-legged and hairier than my grandfather, with fangs that dripped a foul, green venom, which I swore would be the end of me. But there was my friend, hacking at the beast! I stared in awe for a slight moment, thinking this would be the end of us both. ‘But fortunately, it was not. I then charged without thinking, my blade drawn. Channeling the psychic lightning and fire I had masterfully merged through my blade I sliced into its abdomen, but the next I saw was that of its body falling on us both, its head in my friends hands. “Crushed beneath the weight of the monster, I could feel my significantly strengthened upper arm break under two tonnes of pressure, and I had suffered various cuts and punctures from the defensive hairs covering the creature’s body. Luther was luckier. He had only been given a multitude of cuts... I only had time to work on this small part of it tonight, as the idea popped into my head literally 30 minutes ago... Anyways, hope y'all like it, CnC much appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swartsengagger Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 not half bad, but you might want to choose you're words more carefull to make them more WH40K like :D and also something that i noticed at the start. Luther the fallen reminds me of Primarch Lion El'Jonsons "best friend" who ended up betraying him. So you might want to change the name, else it might be confusing. grtz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonaides Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 First thoughts before I got to work - two scouts, one with wings and the other already an accomplished psyker... Smells fishy to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leethal Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 First thought - Luther The Fallen? HE GOT OUT OF THE ROCK!?!?! Second thought - Gothic-fy your language a bit. Third Thought - You got me all excited :D Party pooper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
13skullz Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 Well, thanks for the feed back. clarification time. I seem to have forgotten that Luther was a Fallen DA so... yah. I originally had the name Lucifer cause it fit the whole Fallen angel thing, but I didn't want to cause my friends would think Im satanic or something. They are both being considered for the librarium. It will become more clear in later installments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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