The Return of the Emperor

[Skirax]

I like it. Though the first four, I dont see the point in saying whic patron god they follow, cos in my opinion, those parts were redundant.

 

Otherwise, awesome. My favs the traitoruos Guard General.

[antique_nova]

+++The Seat of the High Lords+++

 

The High Lords sat at their council table, somewhat tired of this particularly meeting, which had been going on for well over a day.

 

Thus they were somewhat surprised when a Necron Lord appeared in their chamber, the power of his (or perhaps, its) blazing green eyes forcing them to cower.

 

+++YOUR DOOM SPEAKS NOW+++ It canted, speaking in a calm monotone throughout. +++THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF ALL LIFE’S END+++ +++YOU WILL ALL DIE, AS THE DRAGON WILLS+++

 

‘No, please, please spare us!’ the Eclessiarch said, terrified and out of his mind.

 

+++NONE SHALL BE SPARED+++

 

Then the Immortals teleported in, and the killing truly began.

 

+++The Golden Throne+++

 

Konstantin could only kneel in reverence towards the figure that stood before him, the Emperor himself. It was such a blessing…

 

‘There is work to be done,’ the Emperor said. ‘The Imperium needs to be rebuilt, on the blood of men if need be. The science of old must be rediscovered. Everything must change. The Eclessiarchy must cease its religion, the cults must be exterminated, and the Imperial Truth must again rule. You will be part of that, Valdor. But there are more pressing issues right now.’

 

As if on cue, the Dragon appeared above, its vast wings of shining metal miles wide, its maw terrifyingly wide, as if threatening to devour the entire Imperial Palace.

 

‘So we meet again, Emperor,’ the Dragon said, in a high-pitched, terrible voice. ‘Your soul shall be devoured, and I shall relish its taste.’

 

‘I unleashed but a thousandth of my power back in Libya, xenos, and I have grown stronger and more terrible since then. The C’tan shall fall beneath my might, as must all others,’ the Emperor said, calmly and without a trace of fear.

 

The emperor's palace is protected by a physic barrier and no teleportation can take place into the palace itslef so the dragon would not be able to perform the act and i seriously doubt he could interrupt the high lords of Terra's meeting. The void dragon would need a keeper from the mechanicus to escape, as i doubt many people can get past the machanicus on Mars and no one yet has been lured to the prison of the void dragon as they have been trained to resist it.

 

Also i think you introduced the first chapter master out of no where as soon as i saw chapter master, i was like where the hell has he come from? Also i think you need some description on the effects of the emperor returning to full health, even when he does come back he will create a physic shockwave like the birth of slaneesh but not on such a scale e.g. range.

 

Chapters are too short? and i forgot what else i was going to comment on XD< on the whole you picked good material to produce this story, just need to fic the technical parts of the story and go into more detail in the fights, gl with it and keep the passion and the story going!

thanks

antique_nova