commander alexander Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Hey you guys, this is a clip of something Ive been writing, and Im looking for feedback as to wether anyone would like it. Ezekiel fell to his knees, and time itself seemed to have stopped around him. His eye rolled back in pain as something seemed to tear apart his mind and soul. Then a voice came crashing down upon him like thunder, ancient and full of rage, "You shall not pry into my soul psyker!" Ezekiel's soul shook with every word, and he struggled to comprhend his whereabouts."You, nor any other fool that gets in my way shall be left standing of you continue to refuse me! Now take me to him!" I know its short but what do you guys think? P.S.- Its involving the DA's later on in the story, it is not about them. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Is Ezekiel, Abbadon? Because if not, I like it. A good, simple and subtle description of the guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
commander alexander Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 Nooooooo :devil: , Ezekiel is the chief librarian of the Dark Angels. Any specifics on how you liked it, or didnt? Also would you like an outline that doesnt have spoilers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
commander alexander Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Anyone? Anyone at all? No more comments? :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Argon Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 It would be better if it was in context. Other than that, it's pretty good. In other news, WOO! 200th post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund Himself Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 There really isn't that much to comment on. There's a few spelling mistakes ('of' instead of 'if', comprehend missing an 'e'). The Liber Comniscor is a very slow subforum at the best of times and you should really write a fair bit more if you want to attract comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.