antique_nova Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 i knew that would come up ^^, but i was wondering if it was gripping enough still, if that works then i can flesh it out :P. EDIT: reading ciaphas cain seriously helps to improve your surprising the reading and plot lines. seriously, it does! thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2131132 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twin .44 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Yeah it was still gripping and held me in. If I was reading a 40K story for the first time, I want to visualize the awesomeness of this thing called a Chainsword! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2132687 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 i am sure, many know what a chainsword is :rolleyes:. i need to fix the part of how the LoTD disappear though in chapter 3 i think, because they just vanish and the sergeant says the marines are here. when he should of said...more are here. Also i'll provide a little hint for the next few chapters to come.. notice that only Lorgar's head is present. not his body? :P. that's all i am giving away. thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2132694 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twin .44 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Radioactive Death = Good stuff! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2134497 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt Rafen Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Bah! to many cliffhangers cant stop reading :D I would like to see the necrons introdduced though. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2140926 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 lol, that will need to be sorted out ^^.still thinking of how to do it. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2141264 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted October 8, 2009 Author Share Posted October 8, 2009 5TH Chapter done! Chainswords flew and limbs coloured the ground green as the space marines pressed home their advantage from a surprise attack to a full fledged assault. “Brother Lorgar behind you!” Shouted a grizzled veteran as an Ork tried to bury it's axe into the head of Lorgar. The space marine turned around just in time to parry the Ork’s axe before using his spare hand to punch holes into the green slim with the tip of his bolt pistol as he emptied shot after shot into the green scum. Confusion was everywhere as the marines cut through the tide of green like a knife through butter and soon enough the Orks began to take hold of the situation and rush back into the fight, with the enthusiasm that only Orks could wield. Plus a few knocks on the head here and there. The situation was getting out of hand, as more and more Orks poured in, Lorgar knew and if something was not done soon, their surprise attack would turn into a disaster and he could not let his brothers die so easily. He must find their leader and he must kill their leader. Simple as it sounds; but nothing was ever easy for a marine. “Brother Vail, with me!” Shouting towards the grizzled veteran as he plunged right into the thick of the horde. The veteran spun his chainsword and parried his opponent's overhead strike, before finished up with uppercut with the chainsword causing untold mess as green flashed everywhere blinding the sergeant for mere seconds. Wiping away the filth, he charged with his brother into the fray without doubt and without mercy and with a crazy plan set upon his shoulders. A few hundred of metres away, the marines fought with renewed eagerness as their commander entered the fray, as Captain Lucius and his honour guard spat death into the Orks. Then a sudden roar was heard not a few hundred metres ahead of them, knowing this to be the leader of the attack, they moved on as flamer squads flanked their enemies and cleared the way. Whatever caused the roar had arisen, 10 foot into the air, as muscular as a krootox and as tempermental as Khorne forged its way through the Orks and towards Lucius. Its hand gripped on a familiar object, which was Brother Lorgar's open mouthed head, “Brother Lorgar, you will be avenged!” Spoke Captain Lucius, but before his rage had time to accumulate. A figure burst from the Ork lines, while being restrained by several large Orks, “Brother Captain! I have failed you, forgive me!” Spoke the disorientated Vail as he struggled to break free from the Orkish grasp. The warboss however saw the dismay in the marines faces, with glee, as they saw one of their own so helpless; so defenceless, but held high their heads as their brother continued to fight. “Ya see now? Dis iz wert appenz when youz mess wiv da Orks, an diz is wert appenz when u fight da Orks!” Shouted the warboss gleefully as he took the body of Vail in his metallic grasp and ripped apart the marine's body with claw and hand in front of the marines. Even the Orks stopped their fighting to marvel as the leader destroyed his opponent and showered his enemy with gore. “Waaaaagh!” Shouted the Orks, their anger reaching it’s peak once more. “For the emperor!” Screamed the marines, rage clearly exploding from the marines, this was to became messy, very messy. The warboss laughed with a hideous grin, “U beaky boyz are gonna die ere tonight an ur head will be on me pointy stick ere, datz an honour dat iz!” Claimed the Ork. Silenced abruptly stood within the ranks of marines, as they knew discipline all too well. The Orks as impatient as always reflected the mood of their warboss, “Well! What do u say do dat?” Shouted the warboss as his views of the emperor’s finest began to deteriorate. “To hell with you and your kind and for the emperor, charge!” Shouted the Captain as his marines charged and his command squad came forth. A grin like never before appeared on Warboss Bigboss’s face as he and his rabble bellowed their warcry and charged with renewed enthusiam. However, as Captain Adonis Lucius and his command squad brought up their weapons to bear, the warboss’s grin broke into an horror stricken face as he was torn apart by a flurry of plasma bolts that reduced his mass to nothing more than a heap of glowing goo. "Brothers, target the nobz demorilize them and destroy them!" Barked the Captain, as their holy wrath could only be forstalled for so long and within half a minute the warbosses' retinue were reduced to the same sorry state as their leader was to what could be best described in the old days as, radioactive mushy peas. This humoured many sick factory workers, but for those who unfortunately met their fate while eating fish and chips. It became untolerable pain for all they knew. All was not done however, as the Orks retreated in the mist of the fight, the Captain noticed dozens of crude Orkish contraptions dotted all over the battlefield. They had chequered flags painted onto them and parts falling off from all sides as it shivered and the nose cone at the top fell off. "Fall ba...." Was all Captain Adonis could manage, before the scene evapourated in shades of white and the sounds of doom. With a big bad boom! Up on the bridge of the -------, a bright flash could be seen on the planet below. Static hissed through from the communications station. " We lost contact with the Captain! " Shouted the comms bearer. ^^. checked and finished. thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2142704 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Very good, give it to those Ork scum! :) One comment: Brother Lorgar? Hmm... Primarch? Don't think so, but you probably don't know the Primarchs' names. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2143266 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 naa, and i know the primarch's name. i might change it from Lorgar though. i don't think it really fits. the orks hasd the last laught though. the bomb idea came from soul storm ^^. the game expansion of dow. thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2144385 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Chapter 6 - Tale of a stalker! Scout Helios turned when he heard the explosion, his combead fried, a few quick hand gestures to scout Guri sent him hurrying away to find the cause of the problem. As they stalked through the dense jungle a cave appeared from nowhere, motioning scout Pointer forward to secure the perimeter and scout Lork acted as look out, Helios moved forward discreetly to the entrance of the cave. "Movement" Whispered Helios through the short ranged comms they carried, which thankfully was protected from the blast, as he detected an aerie glow in the dark tunnel ahead. He continued as normal, but his senses were screaming and his urge to bring his weapon up like anyone else grew, but a trained scout never revealed his thoughts to the unknown, as he knew his team mates would protect him and look out for him. Such was the ways of a scout, to see and to not been seen.* *This old saying is drilled from the scout sergeants. Meaning that you may see things that attract your attention, but you don't adjust to the situation, immediately you asses it, so that the unknown don't see what you saw. Hence you gain the element of surprise over the surpriser, as they will be unaware of your alertness. Hand co-ordinated signals allowed the scouts to penetrate the inner workings of the cave, a few hundred metres below the surface in a matter of minutes, as speed was the essence. As they attempted to map out as much of these tunnels as possible before the Orks could retreat into such a place and breed once more. However, as they travelled deeper and deeper underground they sensed something tailing them and that wasn't good. Scout Lork took up lead point, then Pointer, Helios and Drac guarding the rear of the line, as they used headlights to navigate their way. When they advanced every few hundred metres placing laser trips to detect anyone moving behind them, scout Helios held up the stop signal as he spotted a dot on his auspex as he zoomed out. His eyes gave the signal of movement and they moved more cautiously. As they rounded the next corner, they noticed the walls were getting bigger and that there were faint noises in the background. On the other hand, it was scout Lork who broke the silence, “These cave formations aren’t natural, someone or something dug them.” Whispered Lork, his voice calm and controlled. However, before scout Helios could respond Lork interrupted. “Contact up ahead, 50 metres on the deck. STATUS: motionless”, Lorks voice a little louder and alert. His eye-sight enhanced to be a dozen times superior to the normal humans, provided by the Occulobe implant. Everyone dropped into tunnel fight formation, with front rank kneeling and the rest standing a bit taller than the team mate in front, to give them all a clearer view to shoot. Advancing slowly, they paced themselves a coupe of metres away from each other, in case it was a trap that remained undetected near the body. As the scouts moved up, scout Helios was all too aware of the red blip of his auspex flashing more rapidly. When the blip became white Helios; Pointer and Drac turned around, adjusted their positions and open fired in union in a blink of an eye, while Lork tensed himself even more as he kept a keen eye on the body. The scouts marksmanship was rewarded with sounds of impact and flashes of white as the bolter rounds failed to penetrate the incoming threat. However, as the threat flashed more violently, the perpetrator became more recognisable. Its long elongated metallic limbs and elongated spine, where a skull of terror sat up in and deadly needles arranged upon its hands preparing for a strike as it hovered towards them at dazzling speeds. Then all hell broke loose. Scout Drac didn’t have the time to respond until he was ripped to pieces right in front of Helios’s eyes as metal and fear took him away, the repeated strikes missed Helios barely. However, Pointer was not so lucky as he eyes were taken out and blood poured for him eyes as he attempted to put them back in, the creature stuck one claw in his gut and another between his legs and split him apart in a flash. The other scouts seeing what they had just seen fell back towards the body, while covering each other, as one ran and one fired and vise versa. Suddenly, the assailant disappeared through the wall and left behind a pool of mess and gore. The scouts visibly shaken from the inside and outside, ignored their fallen brethren for now, as their deaths were confirmed and the body wasn’t. Closer inspection revealed something equally as chilling, “The corpse appears to be fizzled away near the edge of the hole as it something dissected atom by atom, no burns or cuts are revealing themselves” Spoke brother Lork, still recovering from the battle. “Take a sample of the corpse near the area of the impact!” Called the scout sergeant, the scout obeyed and took a sample, then placed it into his mouth. “ Nothing sarge, just green flashes and darkness. One of the seventeen implants to become a marine, Omophagea, which allowed the individual to taste the victims flesh so that they may access some of its recent experiences and memories. Disappointed by the lack of answers, scout Helios walked over to his deceased brothers and together with brother Lork they applied the appropriate deceased rituals of those that died in combat. Then took their ammo and left, with renewd confidence and hatred burning in their hearts. EDIT: you like it Inqudal? :P thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2144414 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Me likey! ;) I especially like the flesh eating bit, nice idea! Most marines try to guess, but I reckon scouts are clevererer ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2152733 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Why, because of my awesomeness? ;) Yeah, it's really good, and the description of the Wraith (it's that obvious ;)) is nice and blurry. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2152931 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 deleted post by me. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2188812 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 It's okay, I'm just wondering where people knew the name from, since he shrinks into the shadows and none know his name... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2191068 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 I am not sure what you mean. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2193531 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Exactly... No, joking. Basically, barely no-one knew him as Suroh, only Abbadon and the like. Maybe I could write something that ties the temple into Suroh's background... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2194045 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Exactly... No, joking. Basically, barely no-one knew him as Suroh, only Abbadon and the like. Maybe I could write something that ties the temple into Suroh's background... lol. i almost clicked off the page, until i saw your second paragraph. yea, because i am stumped ^^. i need you to write a story that ties the temple first ^^. you might take a few chapters to do it. but i can wait :cuss. this chapter needs alot of polish but i need some facts from your story first :lol:. thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2194562 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Draco Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 very good, i do like the flesh eating :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2212107 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 horaaaa a comment, in a month or months :D. i may start writing again soon... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2212115 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Draco Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 please do :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2212118 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 So after a very long break, sorry about that, i started writing up the new chapter! Sneak Peak everyone! All Legio could hear was the sound of battle, the sound of footsteps and the drumming in his head – how he wished that he could be an astartes for the thousandth time. “Anything yet?” asked Locus, the marine in command on the bridge. “Nothing, static is all that prevails, however the battlefield is clearing up as we speak” replied the comms bearer with the bearest hint of emotion as his voice box for replaced long ago before he became a comms bearer and a servitor – the lowest rank that a recruit could be given, the only title a failed recruit could be given. “Give me visuals now!” Locus’s voice rising higher than he intended, but the atmosphere was deadly and the situation unthinkable. What Locus expected to see was not what he saw, the field of battle where commander Captain Adonis Lucius last fought was dotted with craters and littered with the corpses of green and marine. The destruction, the loss, the captain; Lord of the 3rd company, hero of the Magnus crusade, the cleanser of the Vaul region and a suriver of the Goul star region. Killed, annihilation and incinerated in mere seconds by an orkish trick, of all deaths available to him, such a death was dishonorable to one with such skill, such promise. Locus realized his anger was getting the better of him, but the servos on the bridge remaining focused to their tasks, such failures they were – but they still had their uses. “Are there any survivors? Anyone?” His tone slightly shaken, but mind remained intact – for hope leads to disappointment. “None my lord” replied Legio, his voice being unable to project the sadness which he felt for the dead, but he went back to his duties. “Lord Locus, we have contact!” his own heart pumping faster at such news as he opened up the message to the speakers in the bridge. “Patch it through the speakers now!” Shouted Locus, but his voice remained neutral. “Already done my lord” his emotions rising as voices engulfed the room not a moment later. "Their all around us!" thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2239421 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 I like it, it's very good. I think you could expand on the building tension on the bridge, but apart from that, very nice! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2239740 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted February 5, 2010 Author Share Posted February 5, 2010 the chapter is in the next comment after Calgar 101's comment. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2274751 Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Is Legio a servitor? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2274765 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted February 8, 2010 Author Share Posted February 8, 2010 Chapter what? - Playing with ghosts and emotions All Legio could hear was the sound of battle, the sound of footsteps and the drumming in his head – how he wished that he could be an Epistolary for the thousandth time. “Anything yet?” asked Locus, the marine in command on the bridge. “Nothing, static is all that prevails, however the battlefield is clearing up as we speak” replied the Lexicanium, the lowest rank of a psyker marine, with the bearest hint of emotion. A Lexicanium – the lowest rank that a psyker recruit could be given, the only title a psyker recruit could be given, psyker recruits were eyed suspiciously quite often because they were a potential danger and they had yet to learn to control their powers and sanity. Until he had achieved the rank of Codicier he would not be reguard as a brother, despite the fact the primarch's genes flowed through him and they would never be given the respect that they craved. This suspicion was all intensified from the Council of Nikaea, where the emperor had decreed that Magnus the Red would not dive into sorcery once more. “Give me visuals now!” Locus’s voice rising higher than he intended, but such were the error of a recently appointed temperal captain. Captain Locus excepted to see carnage and corpses on the screen that he faced, the field of battle where commander Captain Adonis Lucius last fought was dotted with craters and littered with the corpses of the orks and the matyred marines for hundreds of metres in every direction in a crater. This looked more than a broken battlefield, but such thoughts were not immdeiate. The destruction, the loss, the former captain; Lord of the 3rd company, hero of the Magnus crusade, the cleanser of the Vaul region and a suriver of the Goul star region. Killed, annihilation and incinerated in mere seconds by a foul orkish trick, of all deaths available to him, such a death was dishonorable to one with such skill, such promise. Locus realised his anger was getting the better of him, but the servos on the bridge remaining focused to their tasks, such failures they were – but they still had their uses. “Are there any survivors? Anyone?” His tone slightly hopeful, but he dare not hope for a miracle – for hope leads to disappointment. “None my lord” replied Legio, his voice being unable to project the sadness which he felt for the dead, but he went back to his duties because a space marine is always sharp in mind and body - that's what Legio told himself. “Lord Locus, we have contact!” his own heart pumping faster at such news as he opened up the message to the speakers in the bridge. “Patch it through the speakers now!” Shouted Locus, but his voice remained neutral. “Already done my lord” his emotions rising as voices engulfed the room. "Their all around us!" Fear. Panick, these were the only words that Locus could decifer from that breif moment. The voices had been identified to that of scout Helios and towards the end of the transmissioin scout Lork was heard through some unpleasant background noises. "Status report!" Shouted sergeant Neil. his face stern and his arms crossed. "Squads 2 annd 4 made it from our platoon and a leman russ is stuck with its tracks blown off near the bomb site, but its gun is still fucntional....and the Orks are regrouping." Replied sergeant Tuck, while veteran sergeant Neil stroked his beard - his non-existant beard. "Bif things happen, when big things come together" Smiled sergeant Tuck as he said it. The sarcasm in his voice indicated that he and Neil were good friends now. Neil didn't miss a thing, but turned his head round and raised an eyebrow at Tuck who cowered slightly but kept grinning - something that he would regret doing later. In the leman russ however, about 400 metres away, Vince was busyinh himself with the turret and someone's mullet as he ruffled their hair and shouted, "Brad wake the :) up! The orks will be here any minute and we need your ass and the ammo moving!" His heart was thumping, but he reloaded another round into his bolt pistol, scout Helios slapped his clip into place and fired shot after shot into the glowing horde that has just eviserated Lork and were advancing upon him. Then all vanished. This is more of a carrying chapter, as a teaser chapter, for the next one to come which is action packed! thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/172357-night-of-the-unending-darkness/page/3/#findComment-2278354 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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