Scions of Khorne

[Darkapostle222]

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Sanguine Praetorians Battle-Brother

In the years after their founding the Praetorians fought many battles against the forces of Craftworlds Yme-Loc, Lugannath, and Iybraesil as well as Greenskins from the planet Gathrog. As per the realities of endless war, conflict after conflict began to take their toll on the Chapter. Needing to replenish their stocks of weapons and vehicles, the Praetorians sent off Astropathic hails to nearby Forgeworlds, imploring the Adeptus Mechanicus to aide them.. The supplies never came. With most weapons and ammo being sent to the frontlines on and around Cadia, the Praetorians soon found themselves having to ration their own supplies. Soon a feeling of abandonment crept into the Chapter’s heart. After desperate battles to protect supply caches and an increasing number of casualties due to less and less available artillery support, Battle-Brothers began to think that the High Lords and the Priesthood of Mars had forgotten about their contributions to holding off the xenos that threatened the sub-sector and felt that they had been left to fend for themselves. These ideas would be the first step in their fall and would play a major factor in the tragedy to come.

The Tide of Blood

It was at this moment, as anger and dissent were at their highest and these ideas began to turn rebellious that only one man was capable of guiding the chapter back to the right path stepped to the fore. Chapter Master Nosfratis was well loved by those under his command. Often leading the Praetorians into battle personally, he made it a habit to get to know all of his Battle-Brothers on a personal level. Even though his rank put him above the rank and file, Nosfratis made it well known that in truth they were all brothers and that his title to him was only important on documentation and formal discussions. Under the laurels that came with being a Chapter Master, Nosfratis was just a normal Battle-Brother and made sure that his men acknowledged this.

As the rumors of potential acts of treachery and heresy reached his ears, Nosfratis knew that he had to cut out these thoughts immediately lest he have a rebellion on his hands. Going from company to company, squad to squad, Nosfratis spoke to every Battle-Brother personally. He told them that he understood why they were upset and that he shared their discontent, but that was no reason to contemplate rebellion. As Space Marines they had a duty to defend the Imperium against all threats and hold that above all else. He also reminded them that it would be their ability to overcome their supply shortages that would prove their worth as Astartes, not complaining and bickering. Taking their Chapter Master’s words to heart, the venomous whispers among Battle-Brothers almost immediately died down. The Praetorian’s love for their commander was as absolute as ever and they finally came to accept their situation. It was then that the unexpected happened.

Arriving without warning, a massive invasion force made up of World Eaters, Khorne-aligned Traitor Guardsmen, and all manner of Khorne Daemons and Daemon-Engines led by the Khorne Champion Skalabrag the Bloodied, appeared from the Warp and immediately attacked the Meccas system. Quickly rushing to defend their home, the Praetorian’s fleet and nearby Imperial Navy squadrons fought a desperate delaying action against the murch larger traitor force, attempting to buy as much time for their comrades on the worlds below to fortify themselves. Though putting up a valiant effort, the Chaos forces were too many and deciding that temporary withdrawal was preferable to annihilation, the wounded Imperial fleet limped away from the Meccas system. For the remainder of the invasion they would periodically return to launch lightning raids on the heretic ships but the real battles for the Meccas system would take place on the ground.




Over the next year a slow war of attrition was fought between the two forces as the Sanguine Praetorians and Meccas PDF forces waged a hard fought campaign to keep the Chaos forces from Meccas IV, the system’s primary population center. During these struggles the blood-crazed traitors acted with surprising clarity, well thought out strategies putting the defenders's plans to waist while special hunter-killer units that wiped out the Praetorians' Librarians with astonishing efficiency. In the end it seemed that neither side would gain victory on Meccas IV's moon, the last bastion of defense standing between the forces of Chaos and their goal, but then something happened that none of the Loyalists could have expected. Calling upon his patron, Skalabrag caused a great rent to appear in the sky from which rained boiling blood and flaming skulls. Creating a massive flood of crimson liquid, the red waves washed away the Imperials in its path, leaving only bleached skeletons and the ruined hulls of vehicles in its’ wake. As the tide covered the moon and killed all off any Loyalist it touched, the Praetorians and their Guardsmen allies had only one choice left to them: Retreat to Meccas IV's fortress Monastery and hold out against Skalabrag's forces in one final stand.

The Slaughter of Meccas IV

The Praetorians and Guardsmen fled to Meccas IV and the Chapter's Fortress Monastery, hoping that its massive fortifications would succeed where all others had failed. For weeks the Praetorians and Guardsmen stood prepared on the walls, prepping fire-zones and killing fields which the remaining Loyalists would use to bring down as many of their foes as possible in the hope of eventual victory. Despite efforts to the contrary the defenders had no choice but to leave the civilians of Meccas IV to their fates. There was not enough room within the Fortress Monestary to hold the entire population of the planet and despite the pleas of Meccas’ nobles the politicians were also barred from entry. With the people they had sworn to protect defenseless against the forces of Chaos, the Praetorians and their Guardsmen allies waited for the attack. The siege, however, never took place.

Chapter Master Nosfratis to the defenders of Meccas IV

Brothers! Sons of Meccas! We stand upon the brink of a great battle! Our enemy, a massive horde of Daemons and heretics, stands ready to launch their final assault and wipe us from the face of the galaxy. The enemy may outnumber us three to one, but we do not fear these odds for our gene-brothers have faced worse! When the traitor Legions invaded Terra, did the Blood Angels and their comrades cower in fear? When the Greenskins overran Armageddon, did the Flesh Tearers retreat? No! No, they faced their enemy with bolter and chainsword in hand and the Emperor’s name on their lips and smashed their foes asunder.

That is what I call on you to do now! I call on you to stand against our foe and destroy them with righteous fury! I call on you to show no fear and push theses traitors back! I call on you all to fight in the name of Sanguinius, the Emperor, and the Imperium of Man!

Calling once again on the powers of the Blood God, Skalabrag opened a portal within the Loyalist lines and from it poured over two-hundred of Bloodletter and Blood Hounds, all lead by a monstrous Bloodthrister, a distraction which would cost the defenders greatly. Khorne's daemonic rage infected the populace surrounding the defenders and thousands of unarmed, blood-crazed civilians charged ahead of the Chaos forces. Faced with no alternative, the Praetorians and the Guardsmen fired upon those they had once ruled over. Hundreds died in the first few hours, but soon the battle turned into a mad slaughter as the weight of enemy numbers added with Guardsmen falling prey to Khorne’s bloodlust and the enmies summoned behind them, the Pratorian's lines were quickly broke. Individual units were forced to butcher their way through the seething mass of bodies as they fought to regroup with their remaining Battle-Brothers but soon all order was lost. During the next month of endless killing the streets turned into rivers of blood with the corpses, both loyal and traitor, acting like islands within the crimson surf. So great was the slaughter that the white armor of the Praetorians was became stained with blood to the point that it was nearly impossible to tell them apart from their World Eater enemies.

Driven by self-loathing and fury caused by the devastation of their homeworld and mass murder of thousands, the Praetorians eventually pushed Skalabrag's forces off of Meccas IV who retreated back onto the furthest planet in the system. The vast majority of Meccas IV's population, the Guardsmen, and Khornate forces were dead. The Praetorians had fared the best, with a little under half their number remaining, the Monastery’s defenses coupled with their trained discipline having helped decrease the number of losses. The most notable casualty during the fighting had been Praetorian’s Chief Librarian, Markus Zeln, who had been the Chapter’s last remaining Librarian. While at the time it may have been seen as just coincidence as well as a tragedy, it would be instrumental in the Chapter’s fall.

While many within the Chapter suggested that they remain on Meccas IV and work on rebuilding, saying that the Khornate forces posed no immediate threat, Chapter Master Nosfratis would hear none of it. The blood of all of those who had died demanded retribution, and the Praetorians would kill those who had caused so much pain and suffering. With that the majority of the remaining Praetorians met up with the survivors of their fleet and chased after their foes, leaving a small skeleton force and those Guardsmen who had managed to survive the task of salvaging what they could and restoring a semblance of order.

Nosfratis’ Fall

The Sanguine Praetorians’ attack on Skalabrag's base was swift and remorseless. Still yet to fully recover from their losses, the Khornate forces were not prepared for an attack so soon after the battle of Meccas IV and immediately found themselves in a battle for their lives. The Praetorians rained down on the traitor forces with drop pods launched from their Battle Barges and Strike Cruisers while Thunderhawk Gunships dropped off heavier equipment and strafed the heretic positions. With anger and vengeance guiding their swords and bolts, the Praetorians were able to quickly overwhelm the remaining World Eaters and push them back to Skalabrag's HQ, where the Chaos Lord himself came forward and challenged Chapter Master Nosfratis to a duel for the sub-sector’s soul.

The two fought on for what seemed like hours. Nosfratis wielded his relic blade, Fiend Slayer like the master swordsmen he was, while Skalabrag swung his Daemon Glaive with the maddened fury befitting a bezerker of Khorne. In the end it was the traitor who gained the edge, Skalabrag managing to strike the sword from Nosfratis’ hands with a mighty blow, forcing the Loyalist to his knees. As the Chaos Lord brought the axe down on his opponent, the Chapter Master managed to raise his hands up at the last moment, halting the axe mid-swing by grabbing its haft.

Roaring in anger, Skalabrag threw all of his strength behind his weapon, trying with all his might to push the axe into the head of his foe and slowly but surely the blade began to inch its way down. Nosfratis knew that he had lost. The bezerker was more powerful than him and he could not overcome his enemy. It was then that Nosfratis felt a sudden strength, the likes of which he had never known before, fill him. With a victory bellow the Chapter Master tore the Daemon Glaive from the Chaos Lord's hands and decapitated Skalabrag with a single swing, ending the war for the Meccas system once and for all.

Finally victorious, Nosfratis decided to bring the traitor’s weapon with him back to Meccas IV. Though he claimed it to be a trophy, there was a much darker truth to it. The Daemon within the glaive, an imprisoned Bloodthirster of Khorne, was beginning to slowly take control of the Chapter Master’s soul, quietly whispering at the back of Nosfratis’ mind which, in his weakened state, was unable to block out. The Daemon and had abandoned its previous owner, transferring it’s power to Nosfratis at the last moment, having seen a greater potential for slaughter in the hands of the Loyalist. With no remaining Librarians within the Chapter to detect it’s presence, this fact went unseen by the Sanguine Praetorians until it was far too late.

The Massacre of Etternass

The Praetorians, after slaying every single member of Skalabrag's warband, returned to their homeworld and began the slow process of rebuilding their forces and their planet. In the decades that followed the Praetorians did not take part in any battles, their companies working to fill their ranks once more and the population of Meccas steadily reaching a level where it could once again support itself. It was during this time that Chapter Master Nosfratis set about revamping the Chapter’s teachings. Beginning to favor bloody assaults over the strategies proposed by the Codex, Nosfratis slowly began to spread the worship of his new patron to those Marines he knew were completely loyal to him as well indoctrinating new recruits. As the Chapter began to campaign once more, Nosfratis and his chosen warriors began to delve into new excesses of butchery and slaughter, much to the dismay of many of their Battle-Brothers. It was within many of the veteran warriors, including most of the Chaplains, that worry was beginning to form and questions were being asked. Knowing that it would only be a matter of time before these “loose ends” became a problem, Nosfratis decided to eliminate these voices and quickly set his grand plan into action.

The planet Etternass was an agricultural world that had recently been conquered by a massive Orks Waaagh!, leaving the planet’s PDF annihilated and many of its facilities devastated. The planet's vicinity to the Meccas system meant that the Sanguine Praetorians were the reasonable choice to beat back the Orks and bring the planet back into the Emperor’s light. As the Chapter's fleet entered the planet's orbit, Nosfratis ordered the majority of the chapter's 4th, 5th, 9th, 10th, and 11th companies, as well as an unusually large number of the Chapter's Chaplains, to engage the Orks in the initial assault and wait for the rest of the Chapter to descend during the second wave to finish off the xenos scum.

As the Drop Pods hurtled towards the planet below, Nosfratis received word that the Master of Sanctity wished to address him in private. Knowing exactly what he must do, the fallen Chapter Master met with the head-of-chaplains and with clarity and grace calmed the warrior-priest’s fears about the Chapter’s worrying new habits, assuring him that it would be dealt with. Content with the Chapter Master's words, the Master of Sanctity left Nosfratis’ command room aboard the Battle Barge. As the doors shut close behind him, twenty Terminators of the Chapter's first company appeared out of the shadows and opened fire, the Chaplain’s rosarius offering little protection against the traitors’ storm bolters.

Meanwhile the rest of the Chapter's marines in orbit, those who had sworn their loyalty to Nosfratis and Khorne, butchered those remaining Chaplains and Battle-Brothers who refused to submit to the new order, offering the slain as tributes to their new god. On the planet below the loyal Sanguine Praetorians had managed to push the Orks back from the landing zone despite fierce resistance and heavy casualties, sending up a signal to the ships in orbit that the time for phase two of the attack to begin. On schedule the second wave's Drop Pods rocketed down to the surface, smashing into the ground in a ring around the battle-weary Marines, before slowly opening up. From the pods charged the warriors of the Chapter's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Companies, every warrior loyal to Nosfratis. Taking a page from the Horus Heresy, the Traitors slaughtered their exhausted Loyalist brothers while taking few casualties of their own, the battlefield quickly becoming littered with the bodies of dead Astartes as the ground became saturated with their blood.

Having destroyed the vast majority of their loyal brethren, the rest having fled from the massacre, the victorious traitors returned to orbit. It was then that Nosfratis’ battleships opened fire on Etternass, the massive warheads held within the vessels turning the planet into a lifeless rock and destroying all evidence of the battle that had been fought there. Within the bowels of the ships, Nosfratis and his men roared prayers to Khorne, drinking the blood of their former brothers in rituals befitting their new religion. The Sanguine Praetorians served the Imperium no longer. The Blood God Khorne, Lord of Slaughter, was their only master now.

The Scions of Khorne

Nosfratis’ Decleration to the people of Meccas IV

For years we pledged our loyalty to the craven Imperium of Man and what did we get in return? We were abandoned here to fend for ourselves against the Eldar, Orks, and more terrible foes while the High Lords paid no attention and the Emperor answered our prayers with his damnable silence! We have had enough! We will not fight for an Imperium that refuses to acknowledge our efforts! We will not show loyalty to pompous nobles who see us as nothing but disposable tools!

We formally pledge ourselves to the Lord of Blood and Skulls! We swear our loyalty to the God who will reward us for our accomplishments! From this point on the Sanguine Praetorians do not exist for that name is a tribute to a weakling Primarch who swore his loyalty to the Imperium. We are now and forever the Scions of Khorne, heralds of His wrath! From this day forth the Meccas system spits on the Aquila and everything it represents!

Blood for the Blood God and Death to the False Emperor!

The Praetorians did not return to Meccas IV as victorious heroes but as bloodthirsty conquerors. As the chapter fleet exited the Warp above the planet, Thunderhawks screamed out of the hangers and sped towards the Ecclesiarchal Temple and Governor's palace. In little less than twenty minutes the Governor, Commander of the PDF, Chief Administratum Official, Cardinal, and countless aides were dead and Nosfratis had declared himself ruler of the Meccas system. At first pockets of resistance formed among some PDF battalions and the Arbites, but after all of those that spoke up against the newly named Scions of Khorne were massacred to a man, dissent all but disappeared. Soon the blasphemous worship of the Scions began to spread to the people of Meccas IV and they too swore their loyalty to Khorne. In a cruel mockery of Imperial society, the people of Meccas IV continued their lives as normal, but blood worship and daily sacrifice replaced praying to the Emperor. The planet changed as the people began to erect massive monuments to the Blood God under the watchful eye of Nosfratis and his warriors and quickly their influence spread until the entire Meccas system was under their control.

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Meccas IV

Meccan culture valued education, the performing and fine arts, and peaceful resolutions to domestic conflicts. The Meccans constantly sought a harmonious existence with each other even while creating weapons of war for the Guardsmen regiments drawn from it. Meccans were known for love of philosophy as well, the reading of great texts from Imperial philosophers being a common pas time. An average Meccan was very educated and cultured, be he a factory worker, farmhand, soldier, or Administratum worker. Poets and artists thrived on Meccas IV alongside more martial professions. The beauty of the mountains moved the pens of poets, while the vast grasslands served as a canvas for grass paintings.

This all changed, however, when the planet declared its loyalty to Khorne. Little remains of the bright and vibrant culture that sought for a peaceful role within the Imperium. In its place is a world of frenzied people utterly devoted to the worship of the blood god. The love of art and philosophy has been replaced with blood worship and ritual sacrifice. To the people of Meccas IV there are only three choices for life: join the Blood Legionnaires, the new name of Meccas IV's soldiery, work the farms and produce food to feed the army, or work in the factories and create weapons, armor, vehicles, and ships for the Scions to wage war with.

The terrain of Meccas IV changed as well. Massive bronze monuments and statues dedicated to Khorne dot the landscape while massive blood pits serve as altars at the center of every city. The sky and waters of the planet have turned blood red and the clouds black as the corrupt powers of the Warp took hold and Khorne exerted his will on the world. Occasionally blood rains from the sky, created by the infernal influence of the Blood God, which continues to nourish the Meccan's crops and help them grow despite what reason should dictate.

The Praetorians’ Fortress Monastery was once a shining beacon of the Emperor's might. Its white walls and stark red heraldry humbled any that came before it as did the massive gold statue of Sanguinius that stood before its gates. After becoming the Scions of Khorne, however, this has all changed. In the wastes that surround the Monastery, a foul wind blows, carrying with it the stench of charnel, fire, blood and death, those who in madness follow these winds to their source will find an imposing fortress outlined against a blood red sky, it's walls stained crimson with the blood of numberless sacrifices. Massive bronze icons and grotesques cover the walls and corridors of the Monastery, the stature of the winged Primarch having been melted down to create new idols of worhsip. In the center rests a massive altar to Khorne, constantly watched over by the Scions' order of Blood Priests. Daemons of Khorne prowl the hallways looking for intruders alongside the Slaughterer-Brothers of the Chapter. It is here, where the boundary between the Warp and reality is weakest, that Khorne’s presence is the most felt.

Knowing that the Imperium will come for them eventually, the loss of an entire Chapter and system demanding retribution, the Scions have set about fortifying the other planets within the Meccas system. Massive fortresses are present on each of the other four worlds and extensive trenches and gun emplacements have been created in preparation for the battles to come. The Scions of Khorne and the Blood Legionnaires lie in wait upon these worlds, eager for their Corpse-worshipping brethren to arrive so that the slaughter may begin anew.

Combat Doctrine

The Sanguine Praetorians followed the model of their founding Chapter, the Blood Drinkers, and therefore were Codex Adherent chapter in terms of organization as well as the use of Death Companies in battle. After becoming the Scions of Khorne, however, the Chapter’s tactics differed as they renounced its oaths. Melee combat, Khorne's chosen form of fighting, has become the hallmark of the Scion's strategies. Every warrior within the Chapter is adept at fighting with bolt pistol and chainsword, all roughly superior to the most skilled Loyalist Assault Marine or Tactical Marine. This is not to say, however, that the Scions are all maddened bezerkers like the World Eaters. While such squads do exist, a large portion of the Chapter is still made up of marines whose primary weapon is the standard Bolter along with brothers adept in the use of heavier armaments. These warriors lay down withering fire upon the enemy, forcing their foes to keep their heads down, therefore allowing for their close-combat brethren to close in relatively unmolested and kill the remainder of the enemy force.

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Scions of Khorne Slaughter-Brother

A Scions attack will usually begin with a massive barrage coming from either ground-based artillery or the orbital batteries of their space borne vessels. Before the dust is allowed to settle, the Scions will charge into their shaken foe and unleash their burning fury upon the survivors. Armored spearheads made up of Rhinos, Vindicators, Predators, Land Raiders, and the vehicles belonging to the Blood Legionnaires will strike at heavily fortified enemy positions while the Blood Legionnaires, the Scions, and summoned Daemons slaughter the enemy infantry with sword, bolt, flame, and beam.

Air Fortress

For travel across the planet of Meccas IV, the civilian population used a most unusual form of transportation. Taking the form of large dirigibles, these ancient craft could trace their history back to the Dark Age of Technology. With their descent into Chaos, the Scions have decided to adapt this rare technology to their own means with the help of their patron god and the results have been quite remarkable. Serving as floating bases of operation, the Air Fortresses hover over the battlefield using a mixture of anti-grav, jet, and daemonic propulsion to keep them afloat. Capable of carrying an entire company of Scions and Blood Legionnaires, they are also able to transport tanks as well as aircraft such as Vulture gunships and Thunderhawks commonly used by their passengers. Covered in a mixture of lightweight adamantium and ceramite plating to protect themselves from attacks from the ground, some Air Fortresses have even been known to carry small void shield generators to protect themselves from enemy fire. In the case of enemy assault they also house bolter, stubber, and missile emplacements along their lower regions to repel enemies though fighter cover is required should they come under attack from enemy aircraft. Used primarily for surprise attacks due to their ability to avoid enemy sensors, the Scions prefer to use their Air Fortresses sparingly. Lacking the capability to manufacture more of them, the few Air Fortresses that they maintain are revered vessels of the companies that possess them and are often the heralds of the Scions’ arrival during their raids.

A notable feature of the Scions is the inclusion of the Blood Legionnaires into their standard order of battle. Before its descent into darkness Meccas, like most imperial worlds, was required to muster Imperial Guard regiments to fight in the name of the Imperium of Man. With their change of allegiance this practice has not changed however the goal for these human soldiers has changed. Modeling themselves after other Khorne-aligned renegades such as the Blood Pact, Meccas’ Blood Legionnaires are truly a force to be feared. Wearing dark crimson trench coats with black iron shoulder pads and chest plates, Legionnaires adorn themselves with personal symbols of devotion such as finger bone necklaces, metal necklaces in the shape of the chaos star, or Khorne and other chaos emblems painted, etched, or hammered onto pieces of their armor. On their heads rest standard helmets similar to those used by the Death Korps of Kreig or Armageddon Steel Legion while on their faces can usually be seen gas masks, balaclavas, cloth half-masks, or iron masks in the form of snarling, fanged jaws.

It is common for each Scions company to be accompanied by two or more regiments of the Blood Legionnaires during battles or raids. While still given the training of an Imperial Guardsmen, each Blood Legionnaire is adept at hand-to-hand combat. Preferring bloody trench assaults to the trading of artillery fire, it is not uncommon to see the typical Blood Legionnaire carrying multiple grenades as well as cudgels, bayonets, knifes, chainswords, or hatchets for use upon getting close to the enemy. There have even been rumors that the Death Brigades, specialized battalions within the Legionnaires, are in truth aspirant Scions of Khorne. Possessing inhuman speed, strength, and endurance more akin to an Astartes than a normal man, these shock troops are said to have been given the initial surgeries and implants of a Space Marine but are required to first amass an impressive kill-tally before being allowed to become a true Slaughter-Brother. All in all the Blood Legionnaires are considered to be as much a part of the Scions of Khorne’s war machine as the traitor Astartes themselves, the two working together to form a nearly unstoppable force.

Beliefs

The Scions revere Khorne with a fanaticism only rivaled by that of the World Eaters due to the unholy teachings of their Blood Priests. Seeing Khorne as the bloody destroyer, the one god by whose good grace allows life to remain in the universe, they believe that one's life is already set out by Khorne, every moment planned by the Blood God. To that end they live their lives knowing that any moment could be their last if Khorne wishes it and strive to prove themselves worthy in his eyes and therefore granted more time to live and kill. In a bastardized form of their founders own rituals, the Scions, under the guidance of the Blood Priests, drink the blood of their fallen in the hope that their dead brothers might lend them their strength so that they do not suffer the same fate. During their insatiable battle-lust Marines and even their Blood Legionnaire counterparts have been known to prey upon fallen foes, drinking their blood in order to grow closer to their god, though this practice has only been witnessed when the Scions fight humans or other Astartes.

Much like the Word Bearers and other zealous Chaos forces, the Scions despise the Ecclesiarchy with great hatred due to its worship of the False-Emperor. Any Ecclesiarchal temple they find is desecrated in the name of Khorne, the priests who reside within sacrificed on top of the building so that their blood might consecrate it in the name of the Scions’ master. At the end of a battle any Guardsmen or Space Marines that are captured alive are given two choices: Join the Scions and kill in the name of Khorne or have their soul join the Blood God though this tradition is not always followed in the heat of battle

Gene-Seed

Like all Space Marines that draw their lineage from the Blood Angels, the Sanguine Praetorians too suffered from the Red Thirst and Black Rage. Due to the teachings of their founders, the Blood Drinkers, however, the Chapter as a whole was able to resist most of the effects and the Death Company was a relatively small force within the Chapter. Upon making their pact with the Blood God, the Scions of Khorne have found the flaws of Sanguinius’ gene-seed all but disappear. Instead of eliminating the Red Thirst and Black Rage entirely, Khorne has actually perverted them into controllable afflictions which actually increase the strength and fury of the Scions during battle. No longer to Slaughter-Brothers dream that they are their Primarch fighting on Terra, on the contrary they are able to be fully aware of their surroundings and direct their anger towards their foes in the heat of battle making the already fearsome traitors all the more dangerous.

Battle-Cry

“For the will of the Blood God! Let them fear his wrath!"

[Darkapostle222]

Shameless Bump

 

P.S. The Origin story is finished.

[Darkapostle222]

Ok, entire IA article is finished! PLEASE COMMENT!

 

P.S. I know it says "</FONT>" in the Battle Cry section. I'd remove it, but i just spent the last hour wrestleing with the BBC code and it seems that everytime i try to change something, another error pops up somewhere else.

 

So please, for the sake of my sanity be understanding..... :(

[Brother Michaels]

i really love the colours of the chapter and love the story about them watching the eye of terror

[Darkapostle222]

Thanks for the first reply and compliment.

 

So is it perfect? If not I want to know what I can do to make it better.

[The Normish]

Quite good. I would recommend lengthening the Introduction, and maybe shorten parts of the History. Just my opinion, I think it's a bit long. Maybe if you added some subtitles, it would break the text wall. I like the story format though. Well done.

[Sigismund Himself]

Feedback as promised.

 

First up, the article needs to be run through a spelling check. In the first paragraph alone, there are 4 spelling mistakes. I'd suggest going through all of it with a fine tooth comb.

 

There are seemingly only 2 major issues with the fluff. The first one is the reason for their fall. Currently, it is very weak. Astartes Praeses isn't an official term given by the High Lords of Terra. Secondly, the marines would just be happy that they are fighting against the enemies of mankind. Complaining about not fighting chaos is not like an Astartes at all. Three Craftworlds in a small amount of space is a lot of Eldar as well, very rare if it ever occurs. Also, the fall through the daemon weapon is a little poorly done. How does he manage to keep this daemonic weapon? Librarians would be able to sense its presence. His fall is also remarkably easy within this small time period. Since this is the key part of the article, it really needs a rather major rethink.

 

The second issue is just a little bit of MISS (Me? I'm Super Syndrome). Only 500 marines die and yet they manage to hold off 'billions of blood crazed civlilians', 'thousands of Bloodletters and Blood Hounds' with a Bloodthirster and this is all in addition to the 'massive invasion force' of World Eaters and Traitor Guardsmen? Sounds a little overpowered to me.

 

There currently is too much detail. We don't need blow by blow descriptions of battles. Currently, it is hard to get a sense of the actual chapter because of all the rest of the detail.

 

Direct speech, as done by the Daemon Weapon, belongs in a sidebar in an IA, rather than the main body.

 

I would suggest using captionright coding rather than the righsidebar coding as that will fit the images into the article better.

 

There's a nice take on the worship of Khorne but the rest of the article needs a fair bit of work to be able to get into the Librarium. Good luck with it, I'll be here if you need me ;)

[Capt. Lysander]

It's great! The colour scheme could do with a bit more blood though :)

[Darkapostle222]

Third Draft finished! Please comment critique away!

[Darkapostle222]

So is this ready for the Librarium?

[Ecritter]

I read through it really fast, not much experience with Chaos or traitor Chapters though.

 

The one thing that stood out for me, was the complaining over not getting equipment. It is my understanding that the Chapter makes much of its own equiipment (bolters, etc.) so other then larger vehicles and the like .... what were they really missing?

[Ecritter]

I hate it when the odd double post comes up, so I'll post here the edit I was gonna do for my post.

 

I do really like what I read, and like the color scheme.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

The Massacre of Golgatha

 

I can see a problem with this. Golgotha, a similarly-named forge world, is already known for being the place where Ghazghull 'acquired' tellyporta technology soon after the Second War for Armageddon. In light of this, perhaps a name change is advisable? People might get confused between the two.

[Darkapostle222]

@Ecritter: I'm fairly certain that the Mechanicum provides the Astartes with a lot of their most important things like (as you said) heavy vehicles, ships, ships, and Power armor.

 

Besides, I described the Scions as coming from a nonindustrialized world so they can't really create their own gear.

 

@Tyrak: Ooops. Easy fix.

[Darkapostle222]

Shameless bump.

 

According to the Libarium staff this article still isn't Librarium worthy.

 

Any final comments and critiques would be very, very welcome!

[voi shet magir]

This is much more interesting than the first time I (didn't) read it.

 

Battle-Brothers began to think that the High Lords had forgotten about their contributions to holding off the Eldar and felt that they had been left to fend for themselves.

There should be more specificity. Preface this sentence with something like "when [hero X, blossom of chivalry] died while his unit was defending a cache of [insignificant amount bolt shells/promethium]," or "when umpteen brothers were lost assaulting [wherever] with negligible [whirlwind/bombardment/artillery] support."

 

The Praetorians and Guardsmen fled to Meccas IV and the Chapter's Fortress Monastery, hoping that its massive fortifications would succeed where all others had failed. For weeks the Praetorians and Guardsmen stood prepared on the walls, the civilians left to their fates due to lack of room within the fortress, and waited for the attack.

I like that they are traditional sons of Dorn, contrasting their later incarnation

 

rivers of blood with the corpses of civilians, Khornate and Imperial Guardsmen, and Space Marines, both loyal and traitor, like islands.

edit for clarity? "civilians, Guardsmen, and Marines of both stripes, like islands in the... froth/surf/blah"

 

So great was the killing that the white armor of the Praetorians was so stained with blood that it was nearly impossible to tell them apart from their World Eater enemies.

Foreshadowing? No! You do that a lot and it is great

 

The most notable casualty during the fighting was the Praetorian’s Chief Librarian, Markus Zeln, the Chapter’s last remaining Librarian, the others having been killed during earlier battles with the World Eaters.

Wait, you mean the Librarians are actually a defense against chaos? Preposterous! I am really glad about this part.

 

While many within the Chapter suggested that they remain on Meccas IV and work on rebuilding, saying that the Khornate forces posed no immediate threat, Chapter Master Selsbrand Kroner would hear none of it. The blood of all of those who had died demanded retribution, and the Praetorians would kill those who had caused so much pain and suffering.

And, you know, heretics allowed to live, etc. "and much of the Chapter agreed with his righteous vengeance/rage," because he is the instigator, but they were susceptible.

 

Praetorian's attack

Praetorians'

 

The Praetorian's rained down

I don't know if you mean "Praetorians' (assault squads, point squads, veterans, etc)" or just the Praetorians. The first one is probably more descriptive.

 

 

 

The two fought on for what seemed like hours. Selsbrand wielded his relic blade like the master swordsmen he was, while Skalabrag used his Daemon Glaive like a mad bezerker. At the end of the seventy-third minute Skalabrag managed to strike the blade from Selsbrand's hands and forced the Loyalist to his knees. As the Chaos Lord brought the axe down on Selsbrand, the Chapter Master managed to raise his hands up at the last moment and halted the axe mid swing by grabbing its haft.

 

Roaring in anger, Skalabrag threw all of his strength behind pushing the axe into the head of his opponent. Selsbrand knew that he had lost. The Bezerker was more powerful than him and Selsbrand could not overcome his foe. Selsbrand then felt sudden strength, the likes of which he had never known before, fill him. With a victory bellow Selsbrand tore the Daemon Glaive from the Chaos Lord's hands and decapitated Skalabrag with a single swing.

 

Finally victorious, Selsbrand took the traitor’s weapon with him. Though he claimed it to be a trophy, there was a much darker truth to it. The Daemon within the glaive had taken control of the Chapter Master’s soul in his weakened state and had been the reason he had won the duel. With no remaining Librarians within the Chapter this fact when unseen until it was far too late.

 

Maybe add something about the Traitor's/Villain's/etc forces having been exhausted, the daemon pure malevolence bound within required a new proxy/tool/dupe/champion/host - which could potentially imply that the weapon itself had corrupted Skalasbrand, and you know themes of fallibility of man stuff, should you be so inclined.

 

Plus "relic blade" is a little bland. IAs usually have too many adjectives, you can throw one in there fine.

 

The Praetorians, after slaying every single member of Skalabrag's warband, returned to Meccas IV and began the slow process of rebuilding their forces and their home planet. For many years the Praetorians did not take part in any battles as their companies began to fill up once more and the population of Meccas reached a level where it could once again support itself. It was during this time that Chapter Master Selsbrand began to spread the worship of his new patron to those Marines he knew were completely loyal to him as well as new recruits.

Maybe before he starts explicitly preaching, he orders more brutal assaults instead of traditionally Dorn-like prudence and preparation, to slake their blood lust and inculcate brashness and violence in younger marines.

 

odd number of the Chapter's Chaplains

oddly... large? as opposed to not a multiple of two

 

As the doors shut close behind them twenty Terminators of the Chapter's first company appeared out of the shadows and opened fire.

 

On the one hand it's an awesome initiation/guilt by association move. I guess it isn't an unrealistic number of veterans, but there might be a better something. Is there an evil successor chaplain who symbolizes their new devotion. Perhaps not from the reclusiam, but one of the terminators takes the skull mask and carves a rune in the forehead, becomes blood priest who tallies skulls.

 

Meanwhile the rest of the Chapter's marines in orbit, those who had sworn their loyalty to Selsbrand and Khorne, butchered the Chaplains who refused to submit, offering the slain as tributes to their new god. On the planet below the Praetorians had managed to push the Orks back from the landing zone despite fierce resistance and heavy casualties. On schedule the second wave's Drop Pods rocketed down to the surface and smashed into the ground in a ring around the Space Marines and from them came the warriors of the Chapter's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Companies, every warrior loyal to Selsbrand. Taking a page from the Horus Heresy, the Traitors slaughtered their exhausted Loyalist brothers while taking few casualties of their own.

Is it cheesy to actually say baptism? yeah, it is sufficiently implied.

 

For years we pledged our loyalty to the heartless, false, faithless, craven Imperium of Man and what did we get in return? We were abandoned here to fend for ourselves agains the Eldar and the (servants of Chaos, masters of the warp, other slightly complimentary, less generic descriptor) while the High Lords paid no attention and the Emperor answered our prayers with his damnable silence! We have had enough! We will not fight for an Imperium that does not acknowledge our efforts! We will not show loyalty to pompous nobles who see us as nothing but disposable tools!

 

 

We pledge our loyalty to the Lord of Blood and Skulls! We swear ourselves to the God who will reward us for our efforts! From The Praetorians of Dorn do not exist for that name is a tribute to a weakling Primarch who swore his loyalty to the Imperium. We are the Scions of Khorne, heralds of His wrath! From this day forth the Meccas system spits on the Aquila and everything it represents!

They can still hate traitors though, and just be vengeful on everyone ever. Dorn had a pretty blood-soaked end too.

 

And now I stuff to do, so maybe more later.

 

 

Praetorians of Dorn's

yeah, that is a tricky one, but right now it is wrong. Just - Praetorians' - is probably fine, we know who they are by now. Seriously, it is that whole "whoppers junior," not "whopper juniors" deal. I just don't know how to talk about the junior whoppers' packaging. In every other language it would be "whoppers juniors," but there you go.

 

 

captured alive are given two choices: Join the Scions and kill in the name of Khorne or have their soul join the Blood God.

captured, seriously? it's khorne. maybe you covered it in combat doctrine that I haven't gotten to yet

 

 

 

The Scions of Khorne share the gene-seed of Rogal Dorn, suffering from the same missing organs as the other successor Chapters.

 

 

plus they are crazy, right. degenerate implantation rituals with near zero survival rate, pain glove replaced with getting stabbed in the hearts, etc

 

 

2000 marines

 

You think there would be fewer, not more, but whatevs

 

the equivalent of a Chaos Lord,

 

too tabletop, they are powerful and independent lords, but not capital "L" lords

 

Blood Priest

There they are.

 

The Scions have a total of three Bezerker-Surgeons of the World Eaters, all exclusively under the command of Selsbrand.

cuz that's how he maintains power, awesome.

 

According to the Libarium staff this article still isn't Librarium worthy.

What, ew, who cares?

[Darkapostle222]

Added in your suggestions Voi.

 

 

Any others anyone want to add?

[Darkapostle222]

Shameless bump

[pattison]

I really dig it.

I even think about painting my Khorne army this way as a counterpart of my Imperial Fists...

Very enjoyable reading, kudos!

[Darkapostle222]

Quick little bump.

[Darkapostle222]

I know that this is another bump but this one comes with updates!

 

Changed the background of the Chapter a bit (original name, founding chapter, geneseed) and also fleshed out the every section of the IA.

 

P.S. I know the spacing is a bit weird in some areas but I'm afraid I have once again lost to BBCode after a fairly lengthy struggle so please, bare with me.

[Ace Debonair]

I know that this is another bump but this one comes with updates!

 

Changed the background of the Chapter a bit (original name, founding chapter, geneseed) and also fleshed out the every section of the IA.

 

P.S. I know the spacing is a bit weird in some areas but I'm afraid I have once again lost to BBCode after a fairly lengthy struggle so please, bare with me.

 

Right then. I don't have the time, sadly, to sit and go through the IA bit by bit, so I'll just quickly highlight a couple of things. ^_^

 

BA Geneseed is pretty much not used in the more recent foundings. Since it wouldn't really effect your guys much (just giving them mre time in which to fight prior to the fall) I'd reccomend pushing the founding back a few numbers.

 

There's also something like six bazillion 26th founding DIY chapters.

Who ever makes a 19th founding Chapter, for example? :D

 

Secondly, there's a bit that mentions the siege your loyalists prepared for didn't happen, then goes on to describe a big fight that sounds suitably like a siege, given that it takes place at your Loyalists' Monastery.

Unless we're meant to assume your loyalists went all Helm's Deep and rode out to sow death and terror amongst the vast hordes of the enemy, but I didnt really pick that vibe up. :ermm:

 

The bit about the last librarian seems clumsily done.

Rather than tacking on a bit about how the other Librarians are already dead after you kill the guy, why not make mention earlier that the Khornate forces hunted down the psykers with startling efficiency? ;)

 

And finally, Drop the 'at the end of the seventy-third minute' in the fight between your Chapter Master and the Chaos guy. Detailed history is one thing, but it makes a mockery of your just saying it felt like the fight lasted hours if someone's recorded almost to the second how long the fight went on. :P

 

 

All in all, it's not a bad IA, by any means.

I'll try and take a proper look later on if time permitts.

 

Blasted real life and it's blasted mutter mutter grumble....

 

EDIT:

Epic Typo? You're thinking of someone else.

[Darkapostle222]

I know that this is another bump but this one comes with updates!

 

Changed the background of the Chapter a bit (original name, founding chapter, geneseed) and also fleshed out the every section of the IA.

 

P.S. I know the spacing is a bit weird in some areas but I'm afraid I have once again lost to BBCode after a fairly lengthy struggle so please, bare with me.

 

Right then. I don't have the time, sadly, to sit and go through the IA bit by bit, so I'll just quickly highlight a couple of things. ^_^

 

BA Geneseed is pretty much not used in the more recent foundings. Since it wouldn't really effect your guys much (just giving them mre time in which to fight prior to the fall) I'd reccomend pushing the founding back a few numbers.

 

There's also something like six bazillion 26th founding DIY chapters.

Who ever makes a 19th founding Chapter, for example? :D

 

Secondly, there's a bit that mentions the siege your loyalists prepared for didn't happen, then goes on to describe a big fight that sounds suitably like a siege, given that it takes place at your Loyalists' Monastery.

Unless we're meant to assume your loyalists went all Helm's Deep and rode out to sow death and terror amongst the vast hordes of the enemy, but I didnt really pick that vibe up. ;)

 

The bit about the last librarian seems clumsily done.

Rather than tacking on a bit about how the other Librarians are already dead after you kill the guy, why not make mention earlier that the Khornate forces hunted down the psykers with startling efficiency? ;)

 

And finally, Drop the 'at the end of the seventy-third minute' in the fight between your Chapter Master and the Chaos guy. Detailed history is one thing, but it makes a mockery of your just saying it felt like the fight lasted hours if someone's recorded almost to the second how long the fight went on. :P

 

 

All in all, it's not a bad IA, by any means.

I'll try and take a proper look later on if time permitts.

 

Blasted real life and it's blasted mutter mutter grumble....

 

EDIT:

Epic Typo? You're thinking of someone else.

 

I've taken what you said into account and have made the required edits. ^_^

[Darkapostle222]

So what's the deal? Is it not interesting enough? Is it that good that there are no critiques? Is it that bad that it's not worth reading? I know there's improvement to be done and would appreciate some quality feedback so I could improve.

[Darkapostle222]

Shameless bump