Dark Apostle Thirst Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Not a bad idea, I will go and do that. All I have to do is Word it and edit the color scheme bit after that, then I will submit to Silver Phoenix, and to the Index Astartes. Thanks again, It is almost finished now! Halfway there! (More like 2/5ths, but still). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted January 18, 2010 Author Share Posted January 18, 2010 It is done! Now, how do I submit it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 Went back and added to, as well as rewrote some of my IA. CC very welcome, unless your an old marine asking for trouble ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Argent Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 ;) I'll have a good read of this tomorrow if I get a chance. Oh and dont blame the veteran, he's just issued the challenge, not the Librarium staff whom check over it. :tu: Might have to invent some fluff and rules for him thought... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 I'll have a good read of this tomorrow if I get a chance. Well, let me know if I should fix anything. Oh and dont blame the veteran, he's just issued the challenge, not the Librarium staff whom check over it. :D Um... I think I am going to have to, um, erm, give him back to you! (mutters something into commlink, which sounds suspisously like an order to clone something). Might have to invent some fluff and rules for him though... You might want to give him some kind of special rule that allows him to survive dreadnought attacks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 Reyner = awesomeness This is because of the non mathmatical rule that whenever Reyner is mentioned, his banner http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v670/And...sts_banner2.jpg must be mentioned and it = awesomeness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund Himself Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 Okay, some feedback for these guys. Right now, the IA reads like IA: What Happened In This One Battle rather than IA: Lords of Shadow. The trick to an IA writing style is to give it an 'epic sweep' (in the words of Aurelius). The Hunters of Truth also figure too prominently IMO. The whole method of the geneseed being found out is extremely convenient as well. The first time you mention the Night Lords is in the same sentence as them taking the geneseed. I would mention them earlier, perhaps even as part of the reason for the chapter falling or that the chapter's homeworld became a haven for Chaotic warbands near the Maelstrom. Why did they find time to examine geneseed in the middle of a campaign when the Apothecaries would be more concerned with getting marines back out into the fighting from wounds as well. It all comes out as a little contrived and unnatural. This may just be the writing though. Marines also wouldn't commit suicide. They're killing machines raised from birth and if they were going to die, they would seek to take as many of the Emperor's enemies with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted May 27, 2010 Author Share Posted May 27, 2010 Well, I have had nothing new to add to the Wraiths for a while. The few paltry attempts I have made for a history section have failed, so I'm coming back to these guys - whom I have had a few ideas for. Hopefully my 'reverse idea syndrome'* will now start tuning ideas for the Wraiths instead... Current ideas for the Lords - 1. Deferential, to the point of having to kneel when starting planning and such where they meet with other loyal astartes. 2. Changing names and some unit's comp. to reflect redemptionist/humble nature. 3. Having them all slightly (or more) depressed. 4. Dreadnoughts are all psychotic, seeing as they failed to die and earn redemption. 5. No TDA, don't think they deserve them and gave them back to the AdMech. 6. Often conflicting views on whether they should fight warfare with their preffered tactics or whether they should use more meatgrinder (and therefore more redeeming) tactics. 7. Conflicting views on the Codex, some say they aren't worthy of it, some think that it isn't worthy of them. I'll see what I can do to incorporate these into the chapter, but first I wpuld like to see what the consensus is on these ideas. I'll also make the changes reccomended by Sigismund that I never got around to. *A strange psychological ailment where the afflicted has ideas for the rest of his projects, but none for the project that he/she is currently working on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 Added some to the non History sections. Please, tell me what you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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