THE CHAMPIONS: DIY Challenge

[Grand Master Tyrak]

It was at this point that the feud between the Inquisition and The Champions began. One that has never stoped.

Typo. Also, a feud with the Inquisition can only end badly for your guys. Just look at what happened to the Celestial Lions.

 

That should probably be "between the Inquisition, supported by the rest of the Astartes, and the Champions began." After all, if you've done something so bad that the Inquisition (arguably the most disunited organisations in the Imperium, and deliberately so) has united against you, then it's certain that your brother Chapters won't be on your side.

 

Since I suspect that's not what you meant, you shouldn't imply that the Inquisition acted in a united manner. It just doesn't do it.

 

Various High Lords of Terra have looked through the book, studied it and even scanned it's pages for trace of Deamons and have found that it isn't heretical at all and yet the Inquisition still do not agree.

 

That's contradictory, since the Inquisitorial Representative is one of the High Lords. Plus, no High Lord is going to be stupid enough to disbelieve the word of the Inquisitorial Representative, even if he is just a mouthpiece for the rest of the Inquisition.

 

More than that, if the High Lords have copies then the Inquisition will have a copy, probably in the Librarium Daemonica. If they have a copy to study, then the Grey Knights will have studied it too (since one of their Grand Masters sits on the Inner Conclave of the Inquisition). No High Lord, no matter how self-serving or arrogant they are, is going to refuse to trust a Grey Knight Grand Master. Aside from the Custodes, it really is the closest you can get to mistrusting the Emperor himself.

 

The High Lords believed the Inquisitorial Representative about the incoming Tyranid invasions. They believed him about the Necrons awaking. They've believed him about every single Black Crusade that the Imperium has detected in advance.

 

If you're really going round destroying worlds on the basis of this book (let's face it, that probably would unite most of the Inquisition against you), there's no way the High Lords will get so involved. They'll act on the word of the Inquisitorial Representative. That kind of behaviour on your part likely means there's a fair number of Chapters looking to give you a good talking-to as well, and if you needed censuring they'd be more than happy to enforce it.

 

There is going to be some really serious consequences for your Chapter if they act like this.

[Solomon de Gravier]

It was at this point that the feud between the Inquisition and The Champions began. One that has never stoped.

Typo. Also, a feud with the Inquisition can only end badly for your guys. Just look at what happened to the Celestial Lions.

 

That should probably be "between the Inquisition, supported by the rest of the Astartes, and the Champions began." After all, if you've done something so bad that the Inquisition (arguably the most disunited organisations in the Imperium, and deliberately so) has united against you, then it's certain that your brother Chapters won't be on your side.

 

Since I suspect that's not what you meant, you shouldn't imply that the Inquisition acted in a united manner. It just doesn't do it.

 

Various High Lords of Terra have looked through the book, studied it and even scanned it's pages for trace of Deamons and have found that it isn't heretical at all and yet the Inquisition still do not agree.

 

That's contradictory, since the Inquisitorial Representative is one of the High Lords. Plus, no High Lord is going to be stupid enough to disbelieve the word of the Inquisitorial Representative, even if he is just a mouthpiece for the rest of the Inquisition.

 

More than that, if the High Lords have copies then the Inquisition will have a copy, probably in the Librarium Daemonica. If they have a copy to study, then the Grey Knights will have studied it too (since one of their Grand Masters sits on the Inner Conclave of the Inquisition). No High Lord, no matter how self-serving or arrogant they are, is going to refuse to trust a Grey Knight Grand Master. Aside from the Custodes, it really is the closest you can get to mistrusting the Emperor himself.

 

The High Lords believed the Inquisitorial Representative about the incoming Tyranid invasions. They believed him about the Necrons awaking. They've believed him about every single Black Crusade that the Imperium has detected in advance.

 

If you're really going round destroying worlds on the basis of this book (let's face it, that probably would unite most of the Inquisition against you), there's no way the High Lords will get so involved. They'll act on the word of the Inquisitorial Representative. That kind of behaviour on your part likely means there's a fair number of Chapters looking to give you a good talking-to as well, and if you needed censuring they'd be more than happy to enforce it.

 

There is going to be some really serious consequences for your Chapter if they act like this.

 

 

that's what's meant to happen ;) well i see what youmean but I can't change it. see previous post.

[Ferrus Manus]

Wow, that's weird. When I quoted you to check your coding I got this:

 

 [quote name='Solomon de Gravier' date='Jan 7 2010, 05:11 PM' post='2238131']
[skullheaderhalf=990000; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 6px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; ">[img=http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/uploads/1262710821/gallery_50925_4436_83900.jpg][/imageright]

:lol:
[/quote]

[Ace Debonair]

Also, you might not want to have the Champions run into so many first-founding chapters. It just seems like random name-dropping at worst, and at best makes your chapter seem supernaturally well-connected. :P

 

They 'tell off Space Wolves and Dark Angels' for arguing? :D

And tell an Imperial Fist to calm down when interrogating an Iron Warrior? :eek

 

I don't know if those chapters would even listen to your boys.

It's easy enough to re-write that section as, for instance;

 

"Although the Champions have had problems with members of the inquisition, they always try to maintain order and quell disagreements between any other Imperial factions they encounter on their campaigns."

This gives the same impression, but without throwing any problematical names or scenarios into the mix.

 

The only thing missing about your chapter's holy book is a reason why the Champions see it as holy and will follow it blindly, irrespective of inquisitional grumblings.

Your average space marine might be pretty crazy, but even he's not going to read a line saying "Planet X must die" in an old, questionable book and respond with "By The Emperor, this book will guide my actions from now on!"... At least, not without a good reason.

 

Stick at it! This chapter's got the potential to be very good if you persevere with it.

 

 

(Ace's Iron Gauntlet Constructive Criticism - 6/20)

[Sigismund Himself]

Wow, that's weird. When I quoted you to check your coding I got this:

 

 [quote name='Solomon de Gravier' date='Jan 7 2010, 05:11 PM' post='2238131']
[skullheaderhalf=990000; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 6px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; ">[img=http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/uploads/1262710821/gallery_50925_4436_83900.jpg][/imageright]

:lol:
[/quote]

This is a known issue with the skullheader coding. Basically, if you have skullheader coding, when you go to edit it comes up with this. There's two ways around this. Either don't use skullheader (use basicheader) or simply keep a copy of the good coding and the IA in Word and whenever you go to edit the post, simply copy/paste this in. Then remember to copy/paste the updated version back into your Word doc.

[Landmine Marathon]

I like the idea so far but I have a few little questions.

 

--Speculations have been made but there is evidence to support all eight of the loyal primarchs and so no conclusion has yet been made.--

 

I understand that all the primarchs were created in the same project, but they all have their own unique genetic coding as they were to represent various qualities in the Emperor. I think it would be highly unlikely that they could find traces of all the loyal primarchs in the Champions gene-seed. Maybe if you narrowed it down to just one but still staying with maybe I slight mutation so that its not entirely conclusive.

 

--Even though The Champions have their own feud, they still often tell Space Wolves and Dark Angels off for arguing and one Grand Master almost got his head chopped off for telling an Imperial Fist to calm down while interrogating an Iron Warrior.--

 

I don't think Astartes "tell someone off". Even a Chapter Master would be hard pressed to reprimand another Chapter on the way their interrogating goes with a Traitor Legion. And for a lesser brother such as a Captain or a Sergent to attempt fratricide against another chapters Master would cause all types of hell between said chapters if not open war further bringing the inquisition further into Chapter business.

[Solomon de Gravier]

Wow, that's weird. When I quoted you to check your coding I got this:

 

 [quote name='Solomon de Gravier' date='Jan 7 2010, 05:11 PM' post='2238131']
[skullheaderhalf=990000; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 6px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; ">[img=http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/uploads/1262710821/gallery_50925_4436_83900.jpg][/imageright]

:lol:
[/quote]

This is a known issue with the skullheader coding. Basically, if you have skullheader coding, when you go to edit it comes up with this. There's two ways around this. Either don't use skullheader (use basicheader) or simply keep a copy of the good coding and the IA in Word and whenever you go to edit the post, simply copy/paste this in. Then remember to copy/paste the updated version back into your Word doc.

 

Ok. Don't use skullheader. Problem solved. Thanks Sigismund!

 

I like the idea so far but I have a few little questions.

 

--Speculations have been made but there is evidence to support all eight of the loyal primarchs and so no conclusion has yet been made.--

 

I understand that all the primarchs were created in the same project, but they all have their own unique genetic coding as they were to represent various qualities in the Emperor. I think it would be highly unlikely that they could find traces of all the loyal primarchs in the Champions gene-seed. Maybe if you narrowed it down to just one but still staying with maybe I slight mutation so that its not entirely conclusive.

 

--Even though The Champions have their own feud, they still often tell Space Wolves and Dark Angels off for arguing and one Grand Master almost got his head chopped off for telling an Imperial Fist to calm down while interrogating an Iron Warrior.--

 

I don't think Astartes "tell someone off". Even a Chapter Master would be hard pressed to reprimand another Chapter on the way their interrogating goes with a Traitor Legion. And for a lesser brother such as a Captain or a Sergent to attempt fratricide against another chapters Master would cause all types of hell between said chapters if not open war further bringing the inquisition further into Chapter business.

 

Yeh. I'm a bit speculatatve speculataion speculate...well. I don't relly like these either. I'll fix them as soon as I can.

 

Note to Everyone: 3rd draft is on the way!

[Grand Master Tyrak]

I don't think Astartes "tell someone off". Even a Chapter Master would be hard pressed to reprimand another Chapter on the way their interrogating goes with a Traitor Legion. And for a lesser brother such as a Captain or a Sergent to attempt fratricide against another chapters Master would cause all types of hell between said chapters if not open war further bringing the inquisition further into Chapter business.

 

I think it would be very weird if a self-policing organisation like the Astartes weren't allowed to interfere in each other's business. ;)

 

There is a reason the Inquisition doesn't delve too deeply into policing the Astartes - they police themselves, so only in dire cases will there be need for outside forces to step in. I think it's safe to say that Astartes can reprimand one another. Just keep it diplomatic.

[Solomon de Gravier]

I attempted to remove the Skullheaders and the entire thing just deleted itself. Luckily, here's a copy:

[/size; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">

'And so it came to pass that the Knights of the South rose from their age old sleep and smote the enemies of their fair Emperor. And he rewarded them. The great Lords of the land lay down their weapons to the Angels of Death and all was at peace once more. It was then that the knights looked up to the stars, for what glories would come to those who conquered the sky?'- Codex Oracus, page C, entry V, The Redeemed

[imageright][/imageright]

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">History

On the way to their chosen Homeworld, The Champions fleet was intercepted by a gathering Ork waargh! that took them unawares. The Champions called for help from the nearby Imperial Navy garrison but none came and The Champions were massacred. When the chapters one surviving ship arrived for repairs at the Imperial docks close by with only 60 marines left, they discovered that the Navy had been held up by a routine Inquisition check from Inquisitor Rex.

Angry and exhausted, the chapter left the docks as soon as the ship was repaired blaming Hector for the attack. When they reached their chosen Homeworld they discovered that it was only a system away from one of the Inquisitions many strategic bases. In defiance, The Champions steered their ship away from the system and shot off into open space.

Not much is known about The Champions after this as sightings were few and far between. However, it is known that they travelled around the Imperium, picking off small Ork invasions and minor Chaos raids on the fringes of the civilized world but never anything big enough to attract the interest of the Inquisition.

A few hundred years after escaping the Inquisitior, The Champions emerged back into Imperial space with a young, over zealous Grand Master, a five hundred strong chapter of marines and a book. None know where they got the book or even how long they've owned it. In fact, not much is known about it at all apart from the basic scraps built up by the Inquisition over many years.

The book is called the Codex Oracus and is full of abstract prophecies and ancient sayings that The Champions see as all entirely true. Most of them merely talk of small battles and light skirmishes but some tell of entire planets being destroyed and sectors wiped out. The Champions ensure that all of these come true, although they stop before the point of performing Exterminatus on planets they are told will die. It is the existence of this book that has fed the ever-growing feud between The Champions and Inquisitor Rex.

The Inquisitor sees the book as heresy because of its control over The Champions while the Astartes argue back that it is a holy book, written in the Dark Age of Technology, and that to doubt the book is to doubt the will of the Emperor. Various Inquisitors have looked through the book, studied it and even scanned its pages for trace of Daemons and have found that it isn't heretical at all and yet Inquisition Rex still does not agree.

When The Champions returned to Imperial Space they instantly chose a new Homeworld, deserting their ship one of its many moons and Thunder hawking in. The planet they landed on is called Octrin and is the only world in its system, its brothers and sisters having already deserted their dying sun. Upon landing, the marines were sent out to scout for likely candidates to become the newest recruits.

After a month of searching, the Astartes found a group of large villages in the mountainous Northern hemisphere. The local populations are called Octors and are almost perfect for induction into the scouts. Some of the more experienced Apothecaries have been researching into the origin of such a perfect race but so far no conclusion has been made.

Without the Imperium and it's workforce to create a Fortress Monastery for them, The Champions had to make do with what they had. They landed the ship on a plateau overlooking one of the larger jungles and made the locals build their fortress around it until the ship could not be seen.

Since then the morals of the chapter have started to deteriorate and the Codex Oracus has become a mere myth among the younger marines. The only thing still strong is the never-ending feud against Inquisitor Rex that has cost The Champions so much.

Homeworld: Octrin

Octrin is a paradise of lush jungles and frosty mountains, a veritable minefield of resources and labor yet to be captured by the Imperium. It is so peaceful that The Champions hardly ever fight on their own ground and instead join in campaigns with other chapters and use their small fleet to invade space hulks and renegade ships. There is such peace on Octrin that the marines often have no fighting to do and in this spare time they will meditate and do art.

When the space marines first landed the Octors were stuck in a feudal age culture of knights and peasants but the Astartes have moved them along very slowly and now they have reached the technology of the Victorian age, although they keep their chivalrous way of thinking. The natives are not ready to see the marines as they really are and instead think of them as messengers of God.

Organization

The Champions are very vigilant in how they follow the Codex Astartes, and take the words of Guilliman as law. As such they are a very Codex chapter but still they keep their individuality showing. The Champions are led by a council of 12. The Grand Master leads the chapter and is followed by the Masters of the ten companies. A Grand Champion takes the 12th place during a council of war, with the chair left empty while discussing other things.

In a council of war the Grand Champion is chosen from the average Astartes as the 'people's vote' and gives the points he believes the normal marines would give were they in his position. On the battlefield, the Grand Champion takes the position of force Commander and his orders cancel out all others apart from those made by the Grand Master.

Combat Doctrine

Close combat is favored more among The Champions than the average chapter, although they don't shun the range orientated ways of their brethren. Also favored are heavy weapons like flamers and meltas that can open holes in enemy tanks and block passages within Space Hulks because of their ability to change the tactical view of a battle within seconds.

Apart from this, The champions follow the Codex Astartes very well and often set the example to other marines from different chapters during campaigns.

Geneseed

Along with the records of the founding, all information about The Champions Geneseed has been destroyed and no matches have yet been found to samples of other chapters Geneseed. Speculations have been made but there is evidence to support all eight of the loyal primarchs and so no conclusion has yet been made.

The Feud

The Champions feud with Inquisitor Rex has been going ever since the chapter's beginning and has resulted in countless loss of life over the years, to the point of the Inquisitor shooting a Champion right in the head in front of the entire chapter during a Chaos campaign. Even though The Champions have their own feud, they have been known to police other chapter’s feuds with strong vigor. They consider infighting as against the will of the Emperor.

Battle Cry

Champion’s battle cries are very individual, with each marine being encouraged to create his

own unique call. Some of the more common ones are:

"In death is glory, and in glory is the will of the Emperor fulfilled!"

"Strength comes with faith. Be faithful my Brothers, for in strength comes Victory!"

Imperial Organizations

The Champions connections with other Imperial Organizations are much stretched, although

they do contribute both recruits and Geneseed to the Deathwatch and the Legio. The

Inquisition as a whole doesn’t trust the chapter and the two working together is a rare sight

but The Champions do not hold any grudge against the Inquisition, it is Inquisitor Rex who

they despise.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

The Inquisitor assigned to the case (Hector Rex) accused The Champions of this terrible act, saying that they did it to hide a heretical past, but the Higher members of the Inquisition denounced his theories.

 

Don't try and 'edit' the background of existing characters. Hector Rex is now an established character in the 40k universe, and not just a name on a page any more. Any use of Hector Rex is now going to be as bad as rewriting Torquemada Coteaz's background, or Fyodor Karamazov's.

[Ferrata]

First of all, I don't like the name. The single word chapter name does work for some words, like the Destroyers, the Rampagers etc, but the Champions just sound a little, well, hooligan-like. Especially with the rest of the chapter, I would change this to the Champions of blah, or the blah Champions. Personally, I think it would make it better.

 

Now, onto the background. I know this is in the early stages of development but so far it all seems a little cheap. Like a lot of DIY chapters, cause and effect seem to be out of line, especially in terms of the 40k unvierse. There is nothing wrong with the effects you want (the final outcome of the chapter), but the causes seem weak and not right. It would be like you destroying your computer and every piece of Warhammer you have because of these comments. For such an extreme effect, the cause is weak. Lets look at some of the main ones.

 

Hector Rex (needs a name change) - I think he falls into the Deus Ex Machina group, one Inquisitor doing everything. He seems to think this chapter is the spawn of Horus even if all others, and the evidence, shows otherwise. Whilst this might be more interesting if he was right and was always doing good and it was the chapter who was at fault, in his current form he just gives the chapter a poor reason to be everyting they are. He is like a really 2D villian in this story. In the great schemes of things, an Astartes chapter beats an Inquisitor and therefore the Inquisitor actually needs to have support (although, the Inquisition beats an Astartes chapter)

 

Codex Oracus - Something that could be very interesting and central to the chapter, but just seems to fall a little short, almost coming across as comical. Personally, I would drop the whole Hector Rex/Inquisition thing from the start and focus on the Codex Oracus. Have it be something the chapter finds early on in its life (have a set founding) and go from there. Originally, they followed it to do all the good it allows them to do, but as the Time of Ending nears, they have started to become a little too fanatical about it. Here you start having the Inquisition look at the chapter. They have started to kill civilians and start uprisings, if only to squash them themselves. They have destroyed worlds (don't have them wimp out) if the book tells them to.

[Ace Debonair]

Strange.

 

Can't you move the copy to the first post?

On a similar note, you could really do with shrinking the size of the writing in that post, it's a bit... large.

 

 

The book is called the Codex Oracus and is full of abstract prophecies and ancient sayings that The Champions see as all entirely true. Most of them merely talk of small battles and light skirmishes but some tell of entire planets being destroyed and sectors wiped out. The Champions ensure that all of these come true, although they stop before the point of performing Exterminatus on planets they are told will die. It is the existence of this book that has fed the ever-growing feud between The Champions and Inquisitor Rex.

 

But why do they ensure everything written in the book is made to be true?

This is meant to be a really big detail for your marines, and it sorely needs a reason, ideally in this paragraph. If you wanted a mystery in your chapter, you're mystifying the wrong thing.

 

The Inquisitor sees the book as heresy because of its control over The Champions while the Astartes argue back that it is a holy book, written in the Dark Age of Technology, and that to doubt the book is to doubt the will of the Emperor. Various Inquisitors have looked through the book, studied it and even scanned its pages for trace of Daemons and have found that it isn't heretical at all and yet Inquisition Rex still does not agree.

 

Inquisition Rex! :P

Again, how would the Champions know things about the book that the Inquisitors dont, and why does it not affect the other readers the same way it does the Champions?

 

When The Champions returned to Imperial Space they instantly chose a new Homeworld, deserting their ship one of its many moons and Thunder hawking in. The planet they landed on is called Octrin and is the only world in its system, its brothers and sisters having already deserted their dying sun. Upon landing, the marines were sent out to scout for likely candidates to become the newest recruits.

 

Of course my experience in these matters is limited, but I'm fairly sure planets don't desert dying suns.

It's not like whole planets can literally move from system to system, even in 40K.

 

I'd love to try and say something more constructive, but I'd only be echoing Grand Mater Tyrak and Ferrata.

Stick at it, though. Rather than rush in some new ideas, take some time to think them through and contemplate how those decisions will effect your chapter.

[Solomon de Gravier]

The Inquisitor assigned to the case (Hector Rex) accused The Champions of this terrible act, saying that they did it to hide a heretical past, but the Higher members of the Inquisition denounced his theories.

 

Don't try and 'edit' the background of existing characters. Hector Rex is now an established character in the 40k universe, and not just a name on a page any more. Any use of Hector Rex is now going to be as bad as rewriting Torquemada Coteaz's background, or Fyodor Karamazov's.

 

Hector Rex is an actual 40k person?. Wow i'm getting good at these names. I made up the name Hector Rex because i thought it sounded 40kish and I was right! (although in a bad way). How about Sebastian Skar?

 

First of all, I don't like the name. The single word chapter name does work for some words, like the Destroyers, the Rampagers etc, but the Champions just sound a little, well, hooligan-like. Especially with the rest of the chapter, I would change this to the Champions of blah, or the blah Champions. Personally, I think it would make it better.

 

Now, onto the background. I know this is in the early stages of development but so far it all seems a little cheap. Like a lot of DIY chapters, cause and effect seem to be out of line, especially in terms of the 40k unvierse. There is nothing wrong with the effects you want (the final outcome of the chapter), but the causes seem weak and not right. It would be like you destroying your computer and every piece of Warhammer you have because of these comments. For such an extreme effect, the cause is weak. Lets look at some of the main ones.

 

Hector Rex (needs a name change) - I think he falls into the Deus Ex Machina group, one Inquisitor doing everything. He seems to think this chapter is the spawn of Horus even if all others, and the evidence, shows otherwise. Whilst this might be more interesting if he was right and was always doing good and it was the chapter who was at fault, in his current form he just gives the chapter a poor reason to be everyting they are. He is like a really 2D villian in this story. In the great schemes of things, an Astartes chapter beats an Inquisitor and therefore the Inquisitor actually needs to have support (although, the Inquisition beats an Astartes chapter)

 

Codex Oracus - Something that could be very interesting and central to the chapter, but just seems to fall a little short, almost coming across as comical. Personally, I would drop the whole Hector Rex/Inquisition thing from the start and focus on the Codex Oracus. Have it be something the chapter finds early on in its life (have a set founding) and go from there. Originally, they followed it to do all the good it allows them to do, but as the Time of Ending nears, they have started to become a little too fanatical about it. Here you start having the Inquisition look at the chapter. They have started to kill civilians and start uprisings, if only to squash them themselves. They have destroyed worlds (don't have them wimp out) if the book tells them to.

 

Woh! I would say something rude here but this is constructive critism so i'll give bieng nice a go.

 

1) You don't like the name? Well. I went through a massive list to get to it. Here's all the names I thought up:

The Champions of Flame

Lightning Hawks

The Repressors

Fists of Justice

Aqua's Guard

Imperial Paladins

Knights of The Emperor

Brothers of Rightous Fury

Golden Eagles

The Vengeful Angels

The Emperors Will/Domination

Skye's Fists

The Arkangels

Dark Paladins

Shoguns of The Sword

Vengeful Hammers

Brothers of Karnage

Knights of Octrin

The Champions of The Bloody Rose

The Champions

 

You can suggest another name but I'm not likely to change it

 

2) Cause and Effect. Your starting to sound like the Frenchman in Matrix.

 

3) Hector Rex is a name I thought up and just happens to be the name of a fluff character. I changed it from the entire Inquisition because I want this Inquisitor to be a main character in a series of novels about The Champions that spans most of the chapters history. The Inqisitor seems 2D because this is the early stages of development.

 

4) Comical? The Codex symbolizes their rise to power and then their slow desent into the thing they tried to defeat. I'm not going to have a set founding. The mystery is what keeps these little guys alive. Other than that you've got it spot on. At least some people are bieng led in the right direction (even if that means reading the map the wrong way round :lol: ).

 

keep repling. A genius can't live on garbage and dog food :D

[Ace Debonair]

2) Cause and Effect. Your starting to sound like the Frenchman in Matrix.

 

Frenchie made some good points, then. :lol:

I know what you mean, but we're all just trying to help you hit Librarium-standard. The IA's found in there are airtight as far as mistakes go.

 

That is a long list of names. Skye's Fists and Knights of Octrin both sound pretty cool, if you do decide to alter your chapter's name.

 

Sebastian Skar is a very inquisitor-y name.

Make sure Games Workshop haven't beaten you to this one too! :D

 

Looking forward to seeing what you do with this chapter next.

[Ferrata]

Woh! I would say something rude here but this is constructive critism so i'll give bieng nice a go.

Trust me, I've heard them all before. As a note, you may find my replies harsh and negative, but I only have so little time to respond so I focus on the things that need to be improved over back slapping and congratulating. You don't need me for that :lol:

 

For the name, you could do the old name swapping. Have them known as the Champions of the Sword (or something), but upon finding the Codex Oracus they become the Champions of Oracus, dedicating their lives to its purpose. You do need some reason why this book is so important to them (maybe it told them of great heroes to come and it happened (maybe a rising chapter master - a little bit of self-fulfilling prophecy)). This allows them to become totally dedicated to something most would just burn.

 

I think even the greatest of Inquisitors will not see it to their first millenium, so it is quite hard for one person to keep a book on them. Maybe it could be more done to someone coming in later, half-history book half-biography?

 

Maybe it is just how I read it and how it is currently written, but I found it a little uber-powerful booky-wook. You need to make it more gothic, more grim, more dark (otherwise known as dimgrark :D)

 

How does not knowing their founding keep them alive? From what I can see of the chapter, they spend their time running about doing what the book says. Knowing when they were born, or who their father is, doesn't really hide them. My view on this, unless it is integral to the chapter, mysteries are not good.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Hector Rex is an actual 40k person?. Wow i'm getting good at these names. I made up the name Hector Rex because i thought it sounded 40kish and I was right! (although in a bad way). How about Sebastian Skar?

 

Yup, Forgeworld invented him in their Imperial Armour series. You're actually quite unlucky - it's only been a few months since IA:7 was released and he was given a fully-fledged background.

 

Sebastian Skar is not taken as far as I know. If you want to give him a little more background, perhaps he could be an Isstvaanian (it's Lexicanum, but unfortunately the original source isn't on the net)? Sparking off another Badab War-style conflict might be just the ticket for someone who follows that philosophy. You wouldn't have to state it explicitly, just hint at it. He wouldn't last long if you could prove what he was up to.

 

at all and yet Inquisition Rex still does not agree.

Inquisition Rex! :lol:

 

You're more right than you think, Ace Debonair. :D

[Ferrus Manus]

(it's Lexicanum, but unfortunately the original source isn't on the net)?

I'm guessing it would be the same source as the Librarian Article on the subject, which would be the Inquisitor Rulebook, part 2.

[Solomon de Gravier]

The book is called the Codex Oracus and is full of abstract prophecies and ancient sayings that The Champions see as all entirely true. Most of them merely talk of small battles and light skirmishes but some tell of entire planets being destroyed and sectors wiped out. The Champions ensure that all of these come true, although they stop before the point of performing Exterminatus on planets they are told will die. It is the existence of this book that has fed the ever-growing feud between The Champions and Inquisitor Rex.

 

But why do they ensure everything written in the book is made to be true?

This is meant to be a really big detail for your marines, and it sorely needs a reason, ideally in this paragraph. If you wanted a mystery in your chapter, you're mystifying the wrong thing.

 

yeh! I really need to fill these out but I have writers block (my writing hand has been tied to a block :P ) and it's school tommorrow.

 

The Inquisitor sees the book as heresy because of its control over The Champions while the Astartes argue back that it is a holy book, written in the Dark Age of Technology, and that to doubt the book is to doubt the will of the Emperor. Various Inquisitors have looked through the book, studied it and even scanned its pages for trace of Daemons and have found that it isn't heretical at all and yet Inquisition Rex still does not agree.

 

Inquisition Rex!

Again, how would the Champions know things about the book that the Inquisitors dont, and why does it not affect the other readers the same way it does the Champions?

 

Slip of the tongue keyboard ;) . What do you mean know something the inquisition dosen't?

 

When The Champions returned to Imperial Space they instantly chose a new Homeworld, deserting their ship one of its many moons and Thunder hawking in. The planet they landed on is called Octrin and is the only world in its system, its brothers and sisters having already deserted their dying sun. Upon landing, the marines were sent out to scout for likely candidates to become the newest recruits.

 

Of course my experience in these matters is limited, but I'm fairly sure planets don't desert dying suns.

It's not like whole planets can literally move from system to system, even in 40K.

 

I'd love to try and say something more constructive, but I'd only be echoing Grand Mater Tyrak and Ferrata.

Stick at it, though. Rather than rush in some new ideas, take some time to think them through and contemplate how those decisions will effect your chapter.

 

I meant that a bigger gravitational pull has whisked them away. The only reason Octrin is still there is because its the closest to the sun.

 

2) Cause and Effect. Your starting to sound like the Frenchman in Matrix.

 

Frenchie made some good points, then.

I know what you mean, but we're all just trying to help you hit Librarium-standard. The IA's found in there are airtight as far as mistakes go.

 

That is a long list of names. Skye's Fists and Knights of Octrin both sound pretty cool, if you do decide to alter your chapter's name.

 

Sebastian Skar is a very inquisitor-y name.

Make sure Games Workshop haven't beaten you to this one too!

 

Looking forward to seeing what you do with this chapter next.

 

Ok. That's 1 vote for SS and 1 each for Skye's Fists and Knights of Octrin.

I know that you're just helping me (the Iron Gauntlet brownie points never even crossed your minds :D ) but I just want a part of my work still left when it's up to standards :( .

 

Woh! I would say something rude here but this is constructive critism so i'll give bieng nice a go.

Trust me, I've heard them all before. As a note, you may find my replies harsh and negative, but I only have so little time to respond so I focus on the things that need to be improved over back slapping and congratulating. You don't need me for that :D

 

For the name, you could do the old name swapping. Have them known as the Champions of the Sword (or something), but upon finding the Codex Oracus they become the Champions of Oracus, dedicating their lives to its purpose. You do need some reason why this book is so important to them (maybe it told them of great heroes to come and it happened (maybe a rising chapter master - a little bit of self-fulfilling prophecy)). This allows them to become totally dedicated to something most would just burn.

 

I think even the greatest of Inquisitors will not see it to their first millenium, so it is quite hard for one person to keep a book on them. Maybe it could be more done to someone coming in later, half-history book half-biography?

 

Maybe it is just how I read it and how it is currently written, but I found it a little uber-powerful booky-wook. You need to make it more gothic, more grim, more dark (otherwise known as dimgrark)

 

How does not knowing their founding keep them alive? From what I can see of the chapter, they spend their time running about doing what the book says. Knowing when they were born, or who their father is, doesn't really hide them. My view on this, unless it is integral to the chapter, mysteries are not good.

 

Just for flavour i've added some harsh comments to your own Wings of Death :lol:

dimgrark? slip of the keyboard or what?

 

Hector Rex is an actual 40k person?. Wow i'm getting good at these names. I made up the name Hector Rex because i thought it sounded 40kish and I was right! (although in a bad way). How about Sebastian Skar?

 

Yup, Forgeworld invented him in their Imperial Armour series. You're actually quite unlucky - it's only been a few months since IA:7 was released and he was given a fully-fledged background.

 

Sebastian Skar is not taken as far as I know. If you want to give him a little more background, perhaps he could be an Isstvaanian (it's Lexicanum, but unfortunately the original source isn't on the net)? Sparking off another Badab War-style conflict might be just the ticket for someone who follows that philosophy. You wouldn't have to state it explicitly, just hint at it. He wouldn't last long if you could prove what he was up to.

 

at all and yet Inquisition Rex still does not agree.

Inquisition Rex!

 

You're more right than you think, Ace Debonair.

 

They just beat me? dang :P ! Istvaan? isn't that the place where the traitor legions struck?

[UltimateJake]

I actually have background on some Istvaanian in my Dark Heresy rulebook so I could help if you decide to take this route.

[Ferrus Manus]

What do you mean know something the inquisition dosen't?

I think he's asking why does the Chapter think this book is so important when, after an examination by the Inq who think it's no more than a scrap book, they find nothing weird about it. If that makes sense?

[Ferrata]

dimgrark? slip of the keyboard or what?

Sometimes e-jokes are to subtle (or too poor)

 

I would suggest looking into the End of Timers and especially Tony Robinson's The Doomsday Code, it should really make you think about how your chapter might work.

[Dosjetka]

Istvaan? isn't that the place where the traitor legions struck?

yes but the Istvaanians are a faction of Inquisitiors within the Inquisition.(there are many factions...six main ones if i remember correct) if you want i can PM you a few facts about them.

 

BB Ludovic

[Ace Debonair]

What do you mean know something the inquisition dosen't?

I think he's asking why does the Chapter think this book is so important when, after an examination by the Inq who think it's no more than a scrap book, they find nothing weird about it. If that makes sense?

 

Bingo. :D

I'll take another, closer look at these guys later.

Sorry to hear about your writer's block. I reccomend getting some friends at school to remove the block. :lol:

 

Best of luck, in the meantime.

[Ferrus Manus]

if you want i can PM you a few facts about them.

Or you could look here.

[Dosjetka]

if you want i can PM you a few facts about them.

Or you could look here.

yup, good one Ferrus Manus. i was going to go and look in the ol' Inquisitor Rulebook, but now i don't need to :rolleyes: you've saved me many hours of search!

 

BB Ludovic