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Angels Revenant


Knights of Serath

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Hey guys just for practice and fun I am going to write a set of connected short stories about my chapter. I will post them here http://fanfluff.webs.com/Angels%20Revenant.pdf C&C can be left here and I do look forward to any C&C you have be it good bad or horrid I apreciate it. This is my first time writing marine style fiction so do feel free to poke holes.

 

-Airborne

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Good stuff there Serath (I can call you that, right?), I'm a huge fan of 40k fiction fan made or otherwise. :lol:

 

I think your story would run much better if you use capitals for thingd like Marines, Power Weapon and so on...

 

Is this written for people who have not been imersed in 40k, 'cause you seem to have written it with some unessecary explaining eg. Bolter bit at the start. (Although there is nothing wrong with that, just curious...)

 

Some of your terminology could use work to. I can't picture a Marine telling one of his men to "put a big hole right there"

 

Aren't the Angels Revenant an offical chapter?

 

Keep at it. ;)

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