IA: The Frost Wyrms

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

can't stand the backpack for the paint scheme.

 

I'm not sure whats wrong with the first quote, but the second is purposefully mispelled. It isn't the brightest rogue trader out there.

[Lt. Smash]

The first one, would be nicer in Italics.

 

The seccond one is part or your header.

[ChaplainMathreyn]

I'll blatantly echo what others have said and say, this is a nice foundation so far. It is a breath of fresh air. Thanks...

 

Now... To tear it down abit... Bwa ha ha! B)

 

Twenty-Sixth Founding in 738M41

 

You could get away with just the Twenty-Sixth founding, of the 41st Millenium... But that's more a personal preference against exact numbers.

 

First of all, why Salamanders? Ultramarines are more numerous and have much more stable geneseed (I say that, because I point to the Black Dragons mutation... )

 

as Jaltor handed down to Alistarious.

 

I actually, like this concept... Are you going to expand upon it? Is there abit of "Big Brother worship", ie. Emulation of the Salamanders being the best form of flattery, afterall, or is it because of the Chapter's relative youth... Speaking from 500+ year old Space Marines, 100+ is still a youngin' I'd imagine.

 

... As to the geneseed section... They eat stuff and get R smarterer?... I'd take that out, and, if necessary, throw that into your History section... Describing abit about how much more thinking, logical, etc. they are compared to other Chapters. Maybe have them fail to come to someone's aid because, logically, there was no hope of victory, or something of that sort...?

 

So... If the Frost Wyrms are so calculating, why are they named after, what seems to me, to be such a blindly fierce creature...? Are they small, and have to hunt creatively to feed?... Are they social creatures, mating once for their whole life, and having many offspring?... It seems like frost wyrms kill, and maim, while These Frost Wyrms... well... Don't.

 

Alot of it seems like it could be moved into your History section... Sort of like a 'primer' to the personality of the Chapter... Add in a battle or conflict, or maybe just a game of checkers inter-Chapter, that dips into how 'cold'ly calculating they are... Yeah... Bad pun... Sorry.

 

Good work so far.

 

Good Luck!

 

Signed,

 

Your Company Chaplain... The Emperor is watching... Stop picking your nose!

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

Thanks for the comments. You know I had not considered why they are named Frost Wyrms, just that they are and that is what they hunt for their initiation. I suppose I could describe the wyrms as mighty creatures who protect the lesser animals of Galcia Primaris, in sort of a symbiotic relationship. That will also provide a bit of an explanation for why the Frost Wyrms guard mankind so fiercely.

 

I also want to clarify that while the Frost Wyrms are cold and logical when it comes to fighting, they are warm and bright when it comes to people. Its sort of like how an igloo is made of snow but can keep you warm on the inside.

 

Also, do you guys think it would be a good idea to put in a bit of history of their conflict with other chapters? Say.....the Black Templar? Because fighting a battle that will end up killing the Emperor's servants for what a Frost Wyrm sees as no good reason is pure foolishness. Which is one of the things BTs are known for XD

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Interestingly people always seem to "pick on" the Templars when it comes to feuds andthe like ^_^

 

I would say that you should make the Forst Wyrms huge and mighty beasts, so big infact they generally cannot be bothered to move.. The other animals of the planet in fact bring the Frost Wyrms their meals so that said Wyrms, ferocious when roused, are not forced to hunt for themselves and eat anything they find...

 

Or something like that, I admit that was a bit lame.

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

Well I could have just as easily picked say, the Dark Angels for being inscrutable, or the Ultramarines for being high and mighty :D

 

I'm actually a Black Templars fan, they just have a combat philosophy that is at odds with the Frost Wyrms

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Well I could have just as easily picked say, the Dark Angels for being inscrutable, or the Ultramarines for being high and mighty :)

 

I'm actually a Black Templars fan, they just have a combat philosophy that is at odds with the Frost Wyrms

 

Howdare you ignoremy cool(?) Frost Wyrm idea... I demand satisfaction,sir! :P

[ChaplainMathreyn]

It isn't so much that Black Templars go about indiscriminantly killing... They go about indiscriminantly killing psykers (witches), mutants, and the like... All of which, coincidentally, have an Excellent chance of turning towards Chaos and eventually trying to slaughter humanity. Oh, and why Not kill heretics and traitors? They Betrayaed you, and the rest of humanity... So they are forfeit right off the bat...

 

It isn't "fair" per say, but eh. It's the Warhammer 40K for pete's sake, "fair" is for the weak and the dead.

 

Furthermore, don't forget that a Space Marine isn't human anymore... I mean, brain conditioning, two hearts, four lungs, severe genetic manipulation and engineering, and a training regime that Kills you if you do not succeed all tends to forcefully remove what vestiges of "humanity" you might have left...

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

Well thats kind of the point of the Frost Wyrms. They know they are more than human, but to them that means that they have a responsibility to protect humanity no matter the cost. Sometimes that means a retreating action when a heroic last stand would have looked better in the Chapter history books.

 

The Black Templar have good reasons for their actions, yes, but they are also zealots. And zealots make mistakes alot in the name of their faith, such as making a last stand when none was needed. On the other hand, Black Templars have Grimaldus, who refuses to die. He is that manly.

[Blasferon]

wow, if these guys are such great thinkers imagine what wise old Frost Wyrm dreadnaughts would be like! :tu:

i realy couldnt say anything bad if i tryed, love it

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

Venerable Dreadnaught Codger "BACK IN MY DAY, WE HUNTED FROST WYRMS IN THE SNOW, UPHILL, BOTH WAYS, FOR THE EMPEROR!"

[Ace Debonair]

The Frost Wyrms follow the Salamander's style of organization, as Jaltor handed down to Alistarious. Salamanders differ from most if not all other chapters in that each company possesses 120 men as opposed to the standard 100 that the Codex Astartes promotes. Additionally, instead of having 10 companies, the Salamanders have only 6 companies of marines in addition to a small company of about 60 scouts.

 

 

I'd re-arrange this slightly.

 

The Frost Wyrms follow the Salamander's style of organization, as Jaltor handed down to Alistarious. Instead of having 10 companies, the Frost Wyrms have only 6 companies of marines in addition to a small company of about 60 scouts. Additionally, The Frost Wyrms differ from most if not all other chapters in that each company possesses 120 men as opposed to the standard 100 that the Codex Astartes promotes.

 

Mostly so you're talking about your chapter, rather than the Salamanders, and also so people know there's less companies before they know the companies are larger than normal. :)

[The Nephilim]

The Frost Wyrms are a chapter founded during the Twenty-Sixth Founding in 738M41.

I doubt the chapter you're writing about is dead. :P

 

They keep a careful eye on their gene-seed, as the above average amount of psykers may indicate future corruption. Thus far their efforts have kept the gene-seed pure.

Is the geneseed causing this boom in psychic activity? Normally, the recruit would have the psychic mutations. Does the geneseed trigger latent powers?

 

That's all I've got for now.

[Ace Debonair]

They keep a careful eye on their gene-seed, as the above average amount of psykers may indicate future corruption. Thus far their efforts have kept the gene-seed pure.

Is the geneseed causing this boom in psychic activity? Normally, the recruit would have the psychic mutations. Does the geneseed trigger latent powers?

 

That's all I've got for now.

 

Nice. That could be a cool twist, although I'd have the geneseed mutated slightly if that were the case. It might be better still to imply it's unknown whether it's the geneseed or the Galacian (Galacites? Galacese? Galacianesites?) genetics that produce so many psykers.

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

I kind of wanted to explore the possibility that the Sally gene-seed is predisposed to environmental mutations. Thus, a strange combination of Galcia Primaris' atmospheric conditions, Galcian genetics, and the salamander gene-seed are to blame. I'm planning on fixing that with the next update.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I kind of wanted to explore the possibility that the Sally gene-seed is predisposed to environmental mutations. Thus, a strange combination of Galcia Primaris' atmospheric conditions, Galcian genetics, and the salamander gene-seed are to blame. I'm planning on fixing that with the next update.

 

I wouldnt say blame the geneseed for psychic abilities through mutation, remember the Sallies are physical changes.

 

So, yeah going for the combo idea would be best.. Though I would say making the geneseed by far the smallest part of it.

Example: The high radiation from the sunlight upon Galacia Primaris, coupled with some rapidly (evolution wise) changing genetic structures, makes Galacians more succesptible to developing psychic abilites.

In terms of the Astartes this, when also takinginto account the predisposition of the Salamander geneseed for mutation, can lead to a greater average of Librarians within the Chapter.

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

ya thats kind of where I wanted to go with it, it not so much the gene-seed itself as its amplifying what is already happening on Galcia Primaris

[Captain Juan Juarez]

ya thats kind of where I wanted to go with it, it not so much the gene-seed itself as its amplifying what is already happening on Galcia Primaris

 

Thats they key I think with that part, as I said, mke it less about the geneseed being "at fault" and more about the geneseed being "the key" if you follow?

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

Exactly.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Exactly.

 

Then I say.... Go forth and create! ;)

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

Gene-seed

 

 

The Frost Wyrms owe their existence to the Primarch Vulkan. A mighty warrior, his geneseed is pure and free from contamination. As a young chapter, the Frost Wyrms are diligent in their offering of geneseed to the Adeptus Mechanicus. They keep a careful eye on their gene-seed, as the above average psyker potential in recruits may indicate problematic interactions with the gene-seed and Galcia Primaris' unique atmospheric conditions or the genetic code of Galcians themselves.

 

How does that look for the Gene-seed section? I think I'll move the frost wyrm thought enhancement down to either recruitment or history.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Gene-seed

 

 

The Frost Wyrms owe their existence to the Vulkan of the Salamanders.

The geneseed is pure and free from contamination and, as a young chapter, the Frost Wyrms are diligent in their offering of geneseed to the Adeptus Mechanicus. They keep a careful eye on their gene-seed, as the above average psyker potential in recruits may indicate problematic interactions with the gene-seed and Galcia Primaris' unique atmospheric conditions or the genetic code of Galcians themselves.

 

Above is how I would word it.

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

But that almost sounds like Vulkan is a title and not a name. Perhaps owe their existence to the Primarch Vulkan of the Salamanders (just add which chapter is the parent chapter), might flow better.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

But that almost sounds like Vulkan is a title and not a name. Perhaps owe their existence to the Primarch Vulkan of the Salamanders (just add which chapter is the parent chapter), might flow better.

 

Thats because I mae a typo... Dismiss the "the" before Vulkan and you get what I meant!

[Ace Debonair]

Galcia Primaris....where the world wants to kill you and the people wanna welcome ya. -Rogue Trader Garrak

 

I reckon this might look a bit better as:

 

"Galcia Primaris... where the people wanna welcome ya but the planet wants to kill ya."

 

It makes it more of a 'good news, bad news' sort of statement - and I would suspect a successful and wary Rogue Trader might put the focus on the negative by glossing over the welcoming populations.

Also, I'd incline to move it out of the actual sidebar, since it's not like that in the rest of your IA.

The geneseed thing looks pretty good, by the by.

 

Keep up the good work! <_<