calgar101 Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Aww, have a good time Brother! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hazardousZERO Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 MORE we want more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 I knew this would happen-no one cares about Robbie G! :sadface: Excellent writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 Thanks for your nice comments chaps! :tu: Well, hazardousZERO, during the week that I'm away, I'll try and write at least two more parts, so I won't stay idle (though I will have to do a bit of school work and rest...I'm not a servitor y'know :P ) Edit: Thanks for that calgar101! Very nice of you :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hazardousZERO Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Excuses excuses you must write. Kidding I do understand or course. My favorite Pre-Heresy Legion is the World eaters and i love hearing about them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 There is no respite! Only writing! Gaaaaaaah! Ahem yes have a good and relaxing time away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peakey Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 just a suggestion, but what if you dont use the name Angron for a while, because he wouldnt call himself by it if he has just been born/awoken. What if he has a tag name, which could be anything like TX 78 or Fighter XII (number taken from the capsule) then Angron could be: a nickname from Abito or a nickname from the applauding crowd, he could have a little rant after killing a champion, saying, "I am not (tag name), I am Anger. I am Angron!!" these are just suggestions, but it will lead to a thicker storyline imho. So far so good though, I will be watching this and I hope you continue your good work ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 Hm...I will take your suggestion into account Peaky and see what I can do. :P Thanks for all the positive comments chaps! Really appreciated! :P Edit: I've moved all the parts to the first post (to make it easier to read) and I've also edited a few bits and pieces that seemed a bit off...(a couple of words here and there). I most notably removed the word 'Primarch'. I find it better, as nobody in the story, for now, knows that he is a Primarch. Anyway, enjoy your weekend and week! :P Farewell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted April 14, 2010 Author Share Posted April 14, 2010 Hello folks! So, here comes my little teaser for my next chapter "The Call of the Banshee". I'm currently writing it and am trying to make it as long as possible for your benefit as readers :) C&C is, as always, welcome! :D **** Part III, The Call of the Banshee: The moonlight shone down onto the muscular young man. He had not been able to sleep and had walked out into the deserted arena. The stench of stale blood filled his senses as he sat down in the crimson stained sand. His crimson red eyes surveyed the surroundings, as they always did when he entered the ‘Butcher’s Palace’, the name the under-hive workers gave to this arena. The young man knew his way round the bloody place as surely as he knew the pattern his blood vessels made on his palm. As he recalled the previous mock battles, he heard a woman’s shriek resonate in the arena, making him turn around swiftly on himself, searching for where it came from. The arena was deserted, not a living soul apart from him was present. The other tech-gladiators were sleeping in the barracks only a short distance away and none had heard him slip out, he was sure of it. The only way he had been able to make a nocturnal visit to this morbid place was because Abito the slaver had gone away on “business” for a few days. If he had been in the barracks, the vigilant man would have known of Angron’s absence. He heard the ripple of fabric coming from above and looked up towards the sky. What he saw made his blood run cold. As pale as the moon above her, the silent female figure descended from the skies and landed silently and gracefully in front of the bewildered warrior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperialis_Dominatus Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Interesting. I agree on removing Angron until he comes upon such an event that names him so. Otherwise, would like more. Since reading the WE IA I've found Angron's youth and discovery by the Emperor fascinating. Thus far, you're a solid writer, and it shows. Not much to say beyond I wish to see more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monstra Sumus Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 I support the name obscurity thing but its your story dude, do what you will with it. Other than that, I enjoy it, keep writing and i'll keep posting ultragorey fight scenes in the Knigts Vermillion fic. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Name obscurity aside i eagerly await the next chapter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 Small note: The banshee I refer to in this next chapter is not an Eldar Aspect Warrior, but a spirit from the Irish mythology that comes and announces the deaths of those close to you or even comes to tell you that so and so will die. They usually take the shape of women, either old or young. This is just to get you thinking a bit :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hazardousZERO Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Tease. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted July 16, 2010 Author Share Posted July 16, 2010 Ok, after giving myself a big kick up the backside (don't ask how), I am proud to announce that I'll be continuing this story. :) I'll do my best to get Part III up ASAP, though it will not be the continuation of the previous teaser which will be left for later on. Ludovic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sons of Horus Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 not bad, not bad at all ;) Angron is one of my favorites. only 2 crit. refrain from using the words primarch and angron. that way it'll feel more 'real' somehow but that's just my opinion :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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