Brother Argent Posted October 15, 2010 Author Share Posted October 15, 2010 Yay, at least part of my theming wasn't as obvious as a kick to the groin. Probably because I barely mentioned it... The only problem with adding some things about their recnt exploits is that the Origins section is already the longet section. I don't want to ad too much more to it. But the other sections are too codex for me to rewrite without basically describing the codex, which is pointless. :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lysimachus Posted October 16, 2010 Share Posted October 16, 2010 Really like what you're doing here, SP, some very nice ideas! A few things though: Firstly, the names. Arthuras, a librarian (wizard) named Medryn, a planet named Arvalon (I'm not sure about Irigram, does it have an Arthurian connection?). Really? While I like the idea, the names are painfully obvious. Perhaps they could do with going another step away from the 'real' names? Secondly, this seems a little odd: current size (approaching Chapter strength) when you consider this: Their invasion was eventually turned back by the arrival of more Imperial forces, including marines from the Chevaliers and the Eternal Legion. This Imperial force slowly drove the Iron Dragons back, eventually forcing them back to Arvalon. Here another Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes, the Black Lamenters, joined them. Between them the three Chapters, along with many regiments of Imperial guard and elements of other Imperial Forces they laid seige to the Dragons Roost. Even with this great force against them the Iron Dragons held out for many years. The siege finally ended when the battered and beaten forces of the Imperium moved to confront Irigram atop the Dragons Roost. Before they could reach him, however, the last few rebels turned on the besieged Chapter Master. Abandoned by Medryn at this final hour Irigrim was killed by the rebels whom were in turn kiled by the Loyalists as they entered to top of the Roost.. The remaining forces of the Iron Dragons fled, scattering into the Eye and other forgotten places of the Imperium. They've been battered by multiple Chapters, plus other Imperial forces. Many, probably a high percentage of the Chapter's forces, will have beeen killed in the fighting before and during the siege, it's unavoidable. In such a situation, I'd be amazed if more than a Company still lived by the end. Those that did survive were scattered, broken into small groups. Even if Arthuras brought them all back together again, it seems a bit much to say that they are now approaching Chapter strength? It's hard enough for a loyal Chapter with all of the Imperiums backing to rebuild to full numbers after going through the meat grinder, how much harder would it be for renegades? Otherwise, I like it. As the others have said, Chapter politics is always interesting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Argent Posted October 17, 2010 Author Share Posted October 17, 2010 Well the intersteing thing is the planet was originally called Arvalon, and that was what inspired me to go down the whole Arthurian path. Irigram has absolutely no connection to the legend in anyway, its just a surviving name from my first draft. Consider Arthuras gone in the next draft. I didn't like it and thought it kinda obvious anyway. Medryn will probably change to perhaps an earlier version of the name. I see what you mean about the whole Chapter strength thing too. That will also change in the next draft. Oh, and thanks for the comments guys, its always nice to know when people think I might have had a good idea. Now just gotta beat this thing into shape. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elohimalpha Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 Medryn can stay! The theme isn't as painfully obvious as you might think; I didn't pick up on it until the 2nd read (then again, I have a small brain). Except Arthuras. Can't wait to see how Lancelot and Guinevere come out. Oh, and does this make Mordred a loyalist, or just another Chaos Lord? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Argent Posted October 18, 2010 Author Share Posted October 18, 2010 Mordred (or Mourndrell as it is probably going to be) is actually a Captain of one of the being rebuilt companies whom has his own ideas on who should lead the Chapter (him of course). His plan is to evetually challenge Arthuras (or whatever he becomes) for leadership of the Chapter. Of course we all know how that turns out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elohimalpha Posted October 26, 2010 Share Posted October 26, 2010 Arthuras should keep Mourndrell alive but twisted (some kind of messed-up looking servitor maybe), so he can serve as a warning for anyone else who wants to oppose Arthuras. So much better than just killing him (although that works too) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Argon Posted October 27, 2010 Share Posted October 27, 2010 What's this about using corrupted versions of names from Arthurian myth? Here, you might want to look at this.... :ph34r: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Argent Posted October 27, 2010 Author Share Posted October 27, 2010 Why thank you sir. I shall put that to good use. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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