Blazing Sons

[Shinzaren]

Good! Now get to it! Mush! Mush! Something needs to relieve my boredom during this post drought.

[Ace Debonair]

Right, now on to the Origins section, probably my biggest bugbear and something I want to get wholly out of the way. I'll work on condensing Beliefs in between working on the Origins. Perhaps even putting up a sidebar on the Order's inception as Shinzaren suggested.

 

I have direction! <_<

 

That's more like it, GHY. :blush:

I'm pretty sure between us, we'll just keep pestering you until you've got these guys finished.

 

I'm liking what you've got so far for the Order of the Sun stuff, very cool. And you can rest assured I'm looking forward to the origins stuff.

 

By the way, did you settle on a geneseed yet?

[RagingGriffon]

By the way, did you settle on a geneseed yet?

 

I bet he will use the 2nd or the 11th <_<

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Iron Hands geneseed my friends, Iron Hands. It's just different enough and fitting enough personality-wise to satisfy me on all fronts.

 

The key is to somehow make them both like and unlike the Iron Hands in their unswerving belief in their own cult system.

 

The Iron Hands are fanatical about the weakness of the flesh and the strength of the machine.

 

I want the Sons to be devout in their own beliefs to the point of being, while not zealots to their own cult as the Iron Hands are (too zealous) strong enough so as to make them stand out from other chapters, and that's all very tricky.

 

Still, work is continuing on the Origins section, in between work and sleep though, so it's slow going.

[RagingGriffon]

Iron Hands geneseed my friends, Iron Hands. It's just different enough and fitting enough personality-wise to satisfy me on all fronts.

 

The key is to somehow make them both like and unlike the Iron Hands in their unswerving belief in their own cult system.

 

The Iron Hands are fanatical about the weakness of the flesh and the strength of the machine.

 

I want the Sons to be devout in their own beliefs to the point of being, while not zealots to their own cult as the Iron Hands are (too zealous) strong enough so as to make them stand out from other chapters, and that's all very tricky.

 

Still, work is continuing on the Origins section, in between work and sleep though, so it's slow going.

 

Bah! Iron Hands?! I still vote for the 2nd or 11th Legion.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Apologies RG, but my thread is a benign dictatorship, not a democracy. :lol:

 

Well, depending on your definition of 'benign' anyway....

 

 

 

To be honest I'm having trouble getting started with my origins. I know where I want to go:

 

Chapter founded > Given deployment > Find homeworld > kick chaos invasion in the crown jewels.

 

I'm just not having great luck finding a way to write it all up. I either get writers block or write something long and rambling that eventually gets deleted for it's sins. Oh well. I'll just have to knuckle down and get something done at the very least.

 

Edit:

 

Work is tiring.

 

 

No that's not all I am putting in this edit. :lol:

 

Heres a few images that visually show Firaxis warriors in their anglo-saxon glory.

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...i&img=51918

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...i&img=51917

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...i&img=51916

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...i&img=51915

 

Disclaimer: I did not create, paint, draw or model anything linked to here, or anywhere.

 

These last ones are perfectly representative of the Blazing Sons homeworld, though in the first you might have to make the building less 'sci-fi', ironically. In the last one, disregard the dragon and just take the top strip of the image, the archaic warrior staring up at the old, broken pieces of the world's past from the Great Crusade.

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...i&img=50630

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...i&img=50631

[Captain Juan Juarez]

GHY, do a few write ups of what you want then pick the best parts from each to try and form a cohesive piece.

 

Or, if you like.. You can send me a PM and I'll happily read through any drafts you might have to assist; IA construction is not my forte, but story telling is :)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

This is a really rough first draft of the Origins section. I'm not terribly fond of it. It gets the point across but I just don't have the same connection with the chapters origins before they get involved with their Homeworld. I don't know how to give it that 'magic' that would draw the reader in. I think I might rework it as a foreshadowing to the discovery of Firaxis and the subsequent battle to free the world from the invading forces of chaos.

 

 

 

Origins.

 

The Blazing Sons were created during the 11th Founding of the Adeptus Astartes. Created from the geneseed of Ferrus Manus, the Sons were one of many similar chapters thrown into the galaxy to defend the Imperium from it's tireless foes. The first master of the Sons was one Captain Varrus of the Red Talons chapter, a veteran warrior of many campaigns who was chosen for his will to take the fight to the enemy. The chapter were dispatched to the galactic north to protect against virulent raiders and renegades known to operate in the area.

 

Making their journey across the stars, Varrus worked tirelessly to instill in this new brotherhood of warriors the zeal and passion to assault the enemies of mankind and the Emperor on their own worlds, but most of all to punish those of humanity who had turned from the Emperors light, those that lead their life for themselves rather than for their people. Few actions stand out in the Sons early history, the chapter itself wondering through the stars, moving from small conflicts, gaining their first blood against the Orks of the Capellan Heartworld and the Dark Eldar raiders of the Bloodied Hand Cabal on St. Marius.

 

Eventually, the chapter arrived amongst the worlds of the Varsuvian Belt, a string of systems close to the outer borders of the Imperium in the Galactic North. The subsector had been plagued by reavers not of alien design, but men of conceited desires of grandeur. The Imperial Navy was stretched across the entire sector and the Varsuvian Belt had suffered as a consequence. The situation was beginning to impact on Imperial Tithe's and the new chapter had been tasked for their first mission to bring the area firmly back into the Imperium's grasp.

[RagingGriffon]

Yeah... I pretty much agree with your own critique of the "Origins" section. It really doesn't "pop." Give it some time.

 

Maybe it isn't working because of the blood lineage. Maybe the 2nd or 11th Legion will add some razzle-dazzle to your creativity :)

[Lysimachus]

It's certainly difficult to create interesting Origins sections for Chapters who are strongly connected to their Homeworlds. However, I don't think it's necessarily a huge issue; just keep it brief and use the extra word-count to add more to the Homeworld section, where it's really needed!

 

That being said, I think this is a fine opener GHY. Bear in mind too that this admittedly less exciting section doesn't have to be the introduction to the article. A quick paragraph as a snapshot of these gritty, determined crusaders at the start of the article should get people hooked pretty much straight off, then as long as the Origins is kept brief, people will keep going to get to the rest!

 

The Blazing Sons were created during the 11th Founding of the Adeptus Astartes. Created from the geneseed of Ferrus Manus, the Sons were one of many similar chapters thrown into the galaxy to defend the Imperium from it's tireless foes. The first master of the Sons was one Captain Varrus of the Red Talons chapter, a veteran warrior of many campaigns who was chosen for his will to take the fight to the enemy. The chapter were dispatched to the galactic north to protect against virulent raiders and renegades known to operate in the area.

 

'similar' is unnecessary, all Chapters are essentially the same when you get down to basics

 

'virulent' sounds a bit odd, is this a deliberate choice to tie in with the Chaos forces on Firaxis, which were Nurgle-y if I remember right? Don't think it's needed at this point anyway...

 

Edit: OK, just checked and fair enough, virulent can just mean dangerous, strong, etc but personally I think of the poisonous, disease, etc connotations of the word first.

 

Making their journey across the stars, Varrus worked tirelessly to instill in this new brotherhood of warriors the zeal and passion to assault the enemies of mankind and the Emperor on their own worlds, but most of all to punish those of humanity who had turned from the Emperors light, those that lead their life for themselves rather than for their people. Few actions stand out in the Sons early history, the chapter itself wondering through the stars, moving from small conflicts, gaining their first blood against the Orks of the Capellan Heartworld and the Dark Eldar raiders of the Bloodied Hand Cabal on St. Marius.

 

First sentence is very long and a bit overcomplicated, perhaps break it down into two?

 

Also, they'd been assigned against the 'raiders and renegades' but first they're wandering through the stars, taking on Orks and Eldar? I get what you're saying but might need a little clarifying.

 

Eventually, the chapter arrived amongst the worlds of the Varsuvian Belt, a string of systems close to the outer borders of the Imperium in the Galactic North. The subsector had been plagued by reavers not of alien design, but men of conceited desires of grandeur. The Imperial Navy was stretched across the entire sector and the Varsuvian Belt had suffered as a consequence. The situation was beginning to impact on Imperial Tithe's and the new chapter had been tasked for their first mission to bring the area firmly back into the Imperium's grasp.

 

First, I don't know if it's just because of Codex Grey's IA: Silver Skulls but Varsuvian sounds a lot like Varsavian and it's throwing me off! ;)

 

Also, this sentence reads a little off:

'The subsector had been plagued by reavers not of alien design, but men of conceited desires of grandeur.'

Maybe something like:

'The subsector had been plagued, not by reavers of alien origin, but by conceited men desirous only of their own grandeur.'

 

Finally, Tithe's, don't think it needs the capital or the apostrophe?

 

Anyway, overall a great start!

 

Lysimachus

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

I appreciate the comments guys.

 

Hmm, I'm not usually up this early. Must have something to do with the next-door neighbours doing gardening with what sounds like buzz-saws at 9am and loud music at 8. Where is exterminatus when you need it? :)

 

Edit: OK, just checked and fair enough, virulent can just mean dangerous, strong, etc but personally I think of the poisonous, disease, etc connotations of the word first.

 

I selected virulent because of it's connotations with disease, though not because of the nurgle elements later in the plot. I selected it because just like any virulent disease or sickness, if a region of space is weak enough to allow the operation of one pirate or raider group it will eventually breed more and more of the same.

 

I suppose I could change it if it's not working though, it's only a single word after all.

 

First sentence is very long and a bit overcomplicated, perhaps break it down into two?

 

Also, they'd been assigned against the 'raiders and renegades' but first they're wandering through the stars, taking on Orks and Eldar? I get what you're saying but might need a little clarifying.

 

 

The first sentence can definitely be broken down. I'm intending to rewrite that entire bit so it is less.... boring. Eventually anyway.

 

As to the second bit. The only reason I mentioned some early battles is because to my knowledge even Imperial ships do not spend an entire journey solely in the warp, rather they make extended jumps to both make sure they are on course and not to break their ships. As they jump forward through Imperial territory I'm sure they would run into or translocate back into realspace near a crisis point, since the entire Imperium is basically one massive crisis anyway.

 

I'd imagine they can drop into unexpected places too, given the unreliable nature of warp-travel.

 

First, I don't know if it's just because of Codex Grey's IA: Silver Skulls but Varsuvian sounds a lot like Varsavian and it's throwing me off!

 

Oops! Well I just picked the name out of a hat basically so it's easy enough to change. Definitely not a desirable outcome there.

 

Also, this sentence reads a little off:

'The subsector had been plagued by reavers not of alien design, but men of conceited desires of grandeur.'

Maybe something like:

'The subsector had been plagued, not by reavers of alien origin, but by conceited men desirous only of their own grandeur.'

 

This is good, will change it, thank you.

 

Finally, Tithe's, don't think it needs the capital or the apostrophe?

 

I have no idea, I was winging it! ;)

 

Cheers Lysimachus.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Just to keep things rolling, despite a lack of proper updates and other information, I'm going to post a rough time-line for the Homeworld section, along with a few theme explanations.

 

While the world is an Anglo-Saxon influenced dark-age culture, it isn't only that. I view the world as a colder, rockier version of the 'Fallout' series wasteland, a northern European version more to the point. Firaxis was a world once on the cusp of Great Crusade colonization efforts and while it was never truly developed, the basis for larger infrastructure had begun to be put in place.

 

Therefore many of the modern cities are built on the ruins of older, broken sites from before the technological regression. Collapsed transportation lanes and outpost towers dot the skyline and horizon, the evidence of the world's past litter the landscape, though not quite as thickly as is prevalent in 'Fallout 3' for example.

 

The time-line goes something like this:

 

Horus Heresy explodes across the galaxy and Firaxis is forgotten amongst a rain of fire and blood that nearly breaks the Imperium. Some of the earliest members of the Imperial Cult are present here at the time.

 

The world's people survive and multiply, the different outposts eventually giving rise to many city-states.

 

The city states quickly forget their shared heritage and begin to squabble over resources.

 

The larger and more aggressive cities quickly establish dominance, smaller settlements being forced to either swear allegiance or operate without the state's support, usually a death sentence. Some small 'tribes' react with contempt for the larger cities and are chased out of the states' territories.

 

War becomes commonplace for generations until the rise of the Order of the Sun. Coinciding with the Order's rise is the subversion of a small outcast clan to worship Nurgle, asking for protection against the lethal environment and to strike down the cities who so mercilessly chased them from their homes.

 

Subversion turns to worship and the skein of reality begins to weaken, allowing some daemons to bleed through onto Firaxis. Small raids on outlying towns turn into larger attacks on the states themselves, eventually coalescing in an all-out invasion of nurgle followers, daemons and plague zombies.

 

Order of the Sun rallies all of the surviving city-states to work together despite each other and fight the invasion.

 

Blazing Sons happen (somehow) on the scene and make the decision to fight the daemonic invasion and aid the remaining people of Firaxis rather than simply declare the world untenable and bomb it into ruin.

 

Order of the Sun welcomes the Blazing Sons and a relationship is quickly founded, leading to the symbiosis of the Order and the Sons.

 

-----------------

 

Everything else is to be covered in other sections.

 

The reason I'm posting stuff which normally would not be bothered with is because I don't want to let the Sons die, and despite a fair amount of 'Real Life' issues that are cropping up and disrupting my focus, I want this IA to continue. I also hate bumping threads. Damnit.

[RagingGriffon]

The only gripe I have is:

 

Blazing Sons happen (somehow) on the scene and make the decision to fight the daemonic invasion and aid the remaining people of Firaxis rather than simply declare the world untenable and bomb it into ruin.

 

Order of the Sun welcomes the Blazing Sons and a relationship is quickly founded, leading to the symbiosis of the Order and the Sons

 

It is just too much coincidence that there was "Order of the Sun" and along stumble "Blazing Sons." It never really popped out for me until you did this timeline. It just seems a bit hokey when you put it in this context. Not trying to slam you, but maybe you can have the cult change their name.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

The Order of the Sun is a reference to the religious belief of the Emperor being to humanity as the Sun is to life on their world.

 

The Blazing Sons are named so for being His sons, the Emperor's descendants.

 

Yes the naming convention is overly similar but I always kind of liked the name similarity.

 

The thing is 40k is so chock-full of ridiculous coincidences anyway, I didn't think one more would make a difference. Was I wrong?

[RagingGriffon]

No, not wrong. Maybe throw something in there where the Emperor's Tarot drove the Blazing Sons to the planet... hence the coincidence. Maybe I am being overly stingy. It just stuck out in my mind when you did it in bullet/timeline format. It is nitpicking, and I am just tossing out my thoughts. It is not bad by any stretch of the imigination, just tossing something to you that tugged at my thoughts.

[Shinzaren]

Subversion is being used kinda funkily I think.

 

War becomes commonplace for generations until the rise of the Order of the Sun. Coinciding with the Order's rise is the subversion of a small outcast clan to worship Nurgle, asking for protection against the lethal environment and to strike down the cities who so mercilessly chased them from their homes.

 

Subversion turns to worship and the skein of reality begins to weaken, allowing some daemons to bleed through onto Firaxis. Small raids on outlying towns turn into larger attacks on the states themselves, eventually coalescing in an all-out invasion of nurgle followers, daemons and plague zombies.

 

Coinciding with the Order's rise, is the subversion of a small outcast clan by Nurgle, who offered protection against the letahl environment, as well as striking down the cities of those that cast the clan out.

 

To subvert is to overthrow. Nurgle overthrew the clan's beliefs with his own, thus leading to the wars. Minor issue is all. Blazing Sons arrive, and burn away the pestilence and rot of Nurgle? (Like a Blazing Son. Get it?)

 

Other than that, the timeline seems solid, and I really like the imagery of a ruined wasteland, of civilization abandoned and rebuil. Very evocative.

[o3gan]

Ok seems how you were nice enough to post on mine I will take the dive and tryand post on yours so sorry before hand if its pathetic advice. even though i have read it before I didnt want to give bad advice and so didnt post my ideas. It appeared you wanted derogatory names for your scouts im not sure if you ever concluded that but you seemed to stop getting ideas for them.

 

I was thinking because you are the order of the sun, would the moon not be derogatory? So something like new moons (damn you twighlight) or something like the Mona which is old english for moon. Or Mani which is the norse moon personified (not sure if the last one made sense)

 

You also had a similar case about how you would carry out scouting missions. My idea was that you could do a mini deathwatch type thing but only using marines from your chapter (not sure if that made sense either, see im rubbish at giving advice). i.e said mission needs good infiltrators, people who can surive on their own for a while and good recon. The captains will then pick the best people for the job out of the whole chapter comprising the best possible squad for the job.

 

so the squad could consist of assaults, tacs, devs(if you use them in your no shooting contest thing) veterans, new boys, librarians (possibly) well you get the idea, i hope.

 

 

im so sorry, thats my best attempt at advice , ignore it all if needs be. its just me taking your advice of getting myself noticed so i get replys on mine

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Thanks for the feedback o3gan! It's much appreciated.

 

I was thinking because you are the order of the sun, would the moon not be derogatory? So something like new moons (damn you twighlight) or something like the Mona which is old english for moon. Or Mani which is the norse moon personified (not sure if the last one made sense)

 

That's interesting and something I never thought of before. Mani sounds good. I'll have to think about it but it's not a bad idea at all. <_<

 

You also had a similar case about how you would carry out scouting missions. My idea was that you could do a mini deathwatch type thing but only using marines from your chapter (not sure if that made sense either, see im rubbish at giving advice). i.e said mission needs good infiltrators, people who can surive on their own for a while and good recon. The captains will then pick the best people for the job out of the whole chapter comprising the best possible squad for the job.

 

This I like a fair bit. It sounds valid to me to have a dedicated scouting force for a chapter that doesn't regularly use your typical scouts.

 

im so sorry, thats my best attempt at advice , ignore it all if needs be. its just me taking your advice of getting myself noticed so i get replys on mine

 

First off, it's not bad advice at all. Commenting on other peoples work and critiquing IA's is all based on personal opinion. Yes it's usually good to have a fair knowledge of the universe, but in the end you can only give what you know. Whatever you read, however it comes across, whether it's confusing or misleading or badly written is all worthwhile advice.

 

Your feedback has helped me with my chapter and I appreciate the time and effort you spent to comment on my work in return.

[WingsOfTheFalcon]

Great work so far, a few points:

 

Wouldn't the chapter serfs on their crusading ships be responsible for armour maintenance, if so why is their armour not repaired post-conflict? Is there a possibility that the chapter doesn't use serfs and instead has some very overworked techmarines?

 

For your initiates to be thrown into the type of combat where you normally find Astartes, you'd probably not get many initiates surviving. Are they sent to war before their black carapace is fitted or after? i.e. Are they PA equipped?

 

Looking good so far, can't wait to see this one develop. ;)

[Ace Debonair]

Dude, this is the old version of the Blazing Sons. :sweat:

 

The new one is linked in GHY's signature hasn't been linked to by GHY in his signature, for some reason.

 

I suspect a plot by the Dark Gods to sabotage the Blazing Sons by keeping the critics away from the most recent version. :ermm:

 

Searching for Blazing Sons IG2011 should bring up the most recent one. ^_^

[WingsOfTheFalcon]

D'oh... it is also the one that is linked on the 1st page of the IG signup thread.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

What the hell. I was sure I linked it right.... damnit.

 

Silly mistake for a silly, silly man.

 

Fixed... I hope.

[Ace Debonair]

Fixed... I hope.

 

Yeah, the one in your sig appears to work now. ^_^

 

EDIT: Guess why. ;)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Your responses never fail to make my day Ace. ^_^ ;)

[Dosjetka]

EDIT: Guess why. :)

:lol:

 

Ludovic