IA: Sons of Lightning

[Ecritter]

On the name issue and when they were named. Its my understanding that the Chapter is named at the latest when they become active, and very unusual for a Chapter to change their names later.

 

I think too many writers are making the Chapter names based on the later 'feel' of the Chapter, not how Space Marines really name themselves. I say name them when active, and barring a major issue, keep the name throughout.

 

Now with that being said, I think the loss of 70% of the Chapter is a major event, so a name change could be in order ... but we should still have a record of the original name in that case.

Edited October 24, 2010 by Ecritter

[Ace Debonair]

Right, let me take another look and see what I can pick out. ;)

 

the Sons of Lightning returned the Craftworld, intent on ensuring that Ya'Jalden was truly dead.

I think there's a small but significant word missing here. :D

They attempted to lure the invaders into the Ion Storm, where both sides would be savaged by its fury. However, the Sons would not be baited, and nor would their assault be denied, and slowly they began to make world fall.

That's also the name you gave to the dead craftworld, right? :lol: You might want to change that sentence a bit, methinks, although the confusion could just be me being dim.

More than seven hundred marines had perished in the assault, and the fleet had suffered as well, both from the defenders, and the fury of the storm, whose blessings didn't seem to extend to space.

I'm not sure that last bit makes sense. Storms bless people now? Or do you mean the Storm is a blessing and doesn't reach into space?

 

 

Hmm, I'm down to very minor nitpicking.

This is shaping up well. :D

Edited October 25, 2010 by Ace Debonair

[Shinzaren]

I think there's a small but significant word missing here. ;)

You'd think that, but no. The Sons are politely going to return it to the Eldar, along with an apology note. Kind of a big, "Hey, we're sorry we killed all your dudes, and took your world ship. We were just messing around, and it went a bit too far."

 

That's also the name you gave to the dead craftworld, right? :) You might want to change that sentence a bit, methinks, although the confusion could just be me being dim.

Landing on a planet is called making planet fall. Craftworlds aren't really planets, so I figured world fall would make more sense. Easy fix though. Wouldn't want you to get confuzzled :D

 

I'm not sure that last bit makes sense. Storms bless people now? Or do you mean the Storm is a blessing and doesn't reach into space?

I kinda meant that while on the ground, the Sons didn't seem all that affected by the storm, and even saw it as a blessing, since it scared the Eldar, and didn't really hurt them. In space however, it ripped up both sides equally. Again, easy fix :)

 

Hmm, I'm down to very minor nitpicking.

This is shaping up well. :P

Trying :D It's all the good CC everyone is giving. Thanks Ace

 

P.S. Gonna come up with a throw away name for the chapter originally, so Ecritter doesn't yell at me ;)

[Ecritter]

Two things:

 

First, the bit about the Storms Blessings made perfect sense to me.

 

Second, I will not yell at you ... I just know you can do better.

[Shinzaren]

Two things:

 

First, the bit about the Storms Blessings made perfect sense to me.

 

Second, I will not yell at you ... I just know you can do better.

 

Ouch. Shame :) My Mom used that on me all the time when I was little...

[Ecritter]

Two things:

 

First, the bit about the Storms Blessings made perfect sense to me.

 

Second, I will not yell at you ... I just know you can do better.

 

Ouch. Shame :D My Mom used that on me all the time when I was little...

 

Well I am old, probably as old or older then your mom :P . If you'd prefer, I can yell at you. How about this.

 

"Hey ... get off my lawn!" :)

[Shinzaren]

Gah, that's even worse! I added a name! I swearz! Shadow Wardens is the throwaway, though it sounds cool enough that I might make a RG successor named them. We'll see?

[Ecritter]

lol!

[Ace Debonair]

First, the bit about the Storms Blessings made perfect sense to me.

Yeah, well I figured Shinzaren wants his IA to be understood even by dozy folks like myself. :)

 

You'd think that, but no. The Sons are politely going to return it to the Eldar, along with an apology note. Kind of a big, "Hey, we're sorry we killed all your dudes, and took your world ship. We were just messing around, and it went a bit too far."

From the wording, they could have also sent the empty shell of the craftworld back with a note saying "Well, we're almost certain , but could you look over this for us and make sure we killed it? Thanks in advance, The Emperor protect you!" :D

[Ecritter]

See, rather than yell I did you a favor. You've probably noticed from my IAs that I reallllllly like graphics ... so I did some hunting and found some pics for you.

 

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c162/ecritter/quick-effective-planet-star-meteorit-impact-creation-abstract-lighting-effects-tutorials.jpg

 

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c162/ecritter/planet3_lightning3a.jpg

 

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c162/ecritter/51010.png

[Shinzaren]

That last one is CRAZY!

 

And yeah, I'm totally stealing that for a Chapter Symbol. Thank you Ecritter!!

[Ecritter]

How about this?

 

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c162/ecritter/Space%20Marines/sonsoflightning.png

[Shinzaren]

How about this?

 

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c162/ecritter/Space%20Marines/sonsoflightning.png

 

Consider it stolen. Works much better as symbol. Incorporates their Dornian Heritage with the Fist :P Thanks again E.

 

Updated! New quotes, new symbol, sexier everything!

[Octavulg]

Warriors of the Veil, Slayers of the Eldest.

 

So they kill the Necrons? Or the C'Tan? Or the Slann?

 

"There is nothing in this galaxy so dangerous and deviant as the Eldar. They are a race without conscious, without soul. They will turn on you, devour you, and when you die, it will be to suit their vile machinations. So do not try to justify such a base and deceitful thing as your alliance. Die, as a traitor must." -Sons of Lightning 3rd Company Captain Terriz Sho'hus, prior to the execution of Colonel Hussel Brach of the Igneotin 143rd Guard Regiment.

 

Conscience.

 

It's pretty good, but weakens toward the end. I'm not sure how to improve that, though.

 

You could try:

 

"There is nothing in this galaxy so dangerous and deviant as the Eldar. They are a race without conscience, without soul. They may wear a face like that of Man, but it conceals the mind of an alien. You may ally with them, thinking them your friends, but they will turn on you, devour you, and when you die, it will be to suit their vile machinations. And your death will be the deserving death of the traitor."

 

Originally named the Shadow Wardens, the Sons changed their name following the titanic battle that defined the young chapter, where thunder and lightning blessed their greatest victory.

 

A name change is an abandonment of a Chapter's heritage - why would they do so? Unless there's a pronounced need for it, just have them be the Sons of Lightning.

 

Also, the Sons of Thunder might flow a little better. Then again, it might not.

 

The Veil Region has long been host to Eldar raiders, and the Sons quickly set about cleansing their new home. Their first major conflicts did not favor the budding chapter however, as the Eldar out maneuvered them or slipped away time and again. The veterans of the cadre, realizing their tactics weren't working, turned to the Codex for answers. They adapted slow changes to their strategy, often changing tactics in the middle of battles. Though only skirmishes, these initial conflicts were crucial to the development of the chapter. It was also during this time that their natural disdain for the Eldar race became a burning hatred. On Sujuta, they bore witness to the Eldar turning on the Guardsmen that thought them allies. Racing to intercept them, they arrived too late, and the Eldar managed to slaughter the Imperials and escape. This would not be the first time they witnessed such vile treachery, and each time, it drove the spike of hatred deeper into their hearts. So it was that when the orders came down from the High Lords of Terra to purge a Craftworld that had been attacking the Cajarta system, they took to it with gusto.

 

If they could see it, surely they could reach them in time. They're Space Marines.

 

Good motivation, mind.

 

Every step forward was made over hundreds of Eldar corpses, and it was during this time that the Sons discovered the importance of the Spirit Stones. When Captain Hessa burst the stone of a Striking Scorpion Exarch, he noticed the surviving Scorpions falter briefly, as if they had been struck themselves. Relaying this information, the Sons began to focus on the stones when they could; a tactic that, while effective, earned the hatred of an entire race.

 

What is the Imperium's understanding of Spirit Stones? Just to make sure you don't get too far ahead of them.

 

Pushing further into the Craftworld, the Sons came across the Avatar of Khaine for the first time, suffering fearsome casualties as they tried to bring the eldritch monster down. Knowing that this was the Eldar's last stand, the Sons committed all their forces, and the battle in the Court of Isha's Cradle was waged. The Craftworld itself, seemingly sensing its end, sailed into the nearby Ion Storm, and the last battle was waged as thunder and lightning shook the sky and pounded defender and attacker alike. The Eldar paused to look upon the storm in terror, but the Sons took the storm as an omen, a sign from their Emperor. Hurling themselves forward, they set upon the Eldar in a fury, harnessing the elemental rage of the storm as their own. Nowhere was this more personified than in the center of this bloody melee, where Hessa struck down the Avatar as lightning smote his blade. The storm itself raged into the God of War, and when Hessa raised his power sword, it glowed red with the heat of the strike, and blood of a God. The death cry of Khaine became a scream that would herald the end of the Craftworld. Every Eldar that did battle that day was put to the sword, and in a move that could never be forgiven, the Sons shattered the spirit stones of every Eldar they found, dead or alive. Ya'Jalden had been conquered, though not without cost.

 

I don't like battles. Except this. I like this.

 

More than seven hundred marines had perished in the assault, and the fleet had suffered as well, both from the defenders, and the fury of the storm. Bloodied, and knowing they couldn't fight this battle a second time, the Sons made their way back to their extraction points, pausing only to put down the last pockets of resistance they found. Just as they reached their ships, a large Eldar force exited the Warp, and set upon them. This would have been the end of the Sons, had their distress call not been received. Almost immediately after the Eldar attacked, a large fleet of Astartes warships, answering the call of their brothers, entered the system. The resulting battle was brief and bloody, and ended with the Eldar being driven off, though not before swearing dire oaths of vengeance. The Sons thanked their allies, and immediately set about rebuilding, fighting only in skirmishes and hit and runs while they gathered their strength. Nearly 150 years later, the Sons would emerge whole, having traded access to the Craftworld for the aid of the Adeptus Mechanicus and the Inquisition. Now stronger than ever, they continue their never ending mission to wipe the Eldar from the Veil.

 

I'm not sure the reinforcements are necessary for either side. Then again...

 

"You are men of hardy stock, who have faced death all your lives. You have fought, killed, and bled to be here. But trust me now when I tell you that your lives and your fights have meant nothing compared to what awaits you." -Sergeant Hulias Jusha, speaking to new recruits of the Sons of Lightning.

 

They're children, not men.

 

The Sons of Lightning have no homeworld, no singular base of recruitment and rest. Instead the Sons are a fleet based chapter, constantly patrolling the Veil. The Sons recruit from three main worlds: Sujuta, the deadly jungle, Gennis, the burning waste, and Cajarta Prime, the hive world. Sujuta is a lush feral world, where the relatively primitive men wage a constant war of survival against the jungle and its inhabitants. The planet of Gennis is one large and unbroken desert, with vast underground seas at the North and South poles, connected to each other by subterranean rivers, whose waters are tapped by deep wells, each a relic of a long forgotten past. However, the wells are few, and competition for them is extremely fierce, leading to constant warfare and hardy recruits for the Sons. Cajarta Prime is a massive hive world, and from it's gangs, recruits are taken.

 

Tell me they have a Fortress Monastery on the Craftworld. For preference, with dark whispers from the walls in the night and sneaky evil happenings. Seriously. Haunted craftworld that hates its occupants. Think about it.

 

I think haunted empty Craftworld might be more interesting than demon infested one. Maybe. Certainly creepier. Plus, it'd make a good fleet base in any case.

 

"It is decided then. The Third and the Fifth shall have the honor of the assault. As for the Guardsmen who decided to ally with the Xenos, the Sixth will handle this. A pity there were no survivors. Emperor Protect." -Chapter Master Nikolai Hessa, addressing his Captains prior to the battle for Justeria Prime.

 

There's a little too much similarity between the quotes. Mix things up a little.

 

"Space Marines! Like in the book, they came outta nowhere and started slaughtering the aliens that were covering our flanks. I thought that was gonna be the end, but more of em came from behind and started attacking the Orks. They finished off all the aliens, and before we even knew what happened, they turned on us! Emperor protect me, they slaughtered us, and we ain't did nothin wrong. The Sons of Lightning are traitors, by the Emperor's own bloo--"-Suppressed interrogation of Private Mendelio, sole survivor of Justeria Prime, by Inquisitor Liernos of the Ordo Xenos.

 

Seriously. Repetitive.

 

The Sons of Lightning favor a method of warfare that relies on speed and surprise over ponderous strength and firepower. Years of battling the Eldar have ensured they are flexible and highly adaptable, able to avoid being bogged down and surrounded. However, because of this, the Sons are lacking in heavy armor, and field comparatively fewer tanks and Land Raiders than other chapters. They consider this no great loss, instead arming their squads with heavy weapons and anti-armor. Each such squad is nearly always given a Rhino transport, enabling them to quickly maneuver about the battlefield, bringing their heavy weapons to bear where they can be most useful. This allows them to remain highly mobile, without sacrificing their anti-armor capabilities.

 

Predators can move as fast as Rhinos...

 

"Fear not the mon-keigh. They are weak, pitiful creatures, who can't see past their own misguided impulses. They are tools to be used and nothing more. These so-called Astartes however, are different. They present a problem. I have traced the runes of fate, and all my visions of the future point to disaster for your Craftworld. You must flee. Ya'Jalden cannot fall." -Intercepted message from Craftworld Biel-tan to Craftworld Ya'Jalden, prior to the latter's destruction.

 

IIRC, the Eldar see the Space Marines as just another kind of mon-keigh.

 

The Sons of Lightning hate the Eldar. This is their most overriding compulsion, psycho-conditioned into them as rawest recruits. They despise the entire race because of their fickle and dangerous nature, and their tendency to feign alliance with Imperial forces only to vilely betray them. This philosophy colors the entire chapter, from newest recruit to oldest veteran. The Sons are quick to battle the Eldar, sometimes abandoning campaigns and worlds to another, lesser foe so that they may make war on the them. For those Imperials that side with the Eldar, even for briefest moment, the Sons bear the most contempt, seeing them as worse than the Traitorous Marines. After all, what servant of the Emperor would willingly side by those that seek only our annihilation? Though there have been no confirmed reports of the Sons attacking Imperial forces, there are whispers amongst the Guardsmen of the Veil Region that the Sons secretly destroy any Imperials who side with the Eldar. This whispered belief has lead to more than one mutiny against a commanding officer who accepted Eldar aid against another enemy, often with disastrous results for the world they are defending. The Sons do nothing to deny such rumors, and some even suggest that they start them, though this has never been proven.

 

Oh, come on. Go read "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream", then come back and tell me how they hate the Eldar.

 

Seriously. Do it.

 

"Spit acid? No recruit, you won't be able to do that. This isn't like the legends you heard as a babe..." -Overheard conversation between Sergeant and recruit of the Sons of Lightning.

 

No, no. He shouldn't just dismiss these statements. He must explain that if you need to spit acid, you're evidently not awesome enough to be a Son of Lightning. Or something of that nature.

 

The Sons of Lightning are of the gene-seed of Rogal Dorn, and thus lack both the Sus'An Membrane and the Betcher's Gland.

 

Recruitment practices. Influences of the Craftworld upon their genetics. All that sort of thing could go in here, perchance. Read some IAs to get ideas, basically.

 

* * *

 

Much better. You've actually created an interesting battle, which impressed me.

 

Polish is needed. Polish and (I suspect) length. They're also a little flat - more diversity in quotes and a few little details should help, I'm thinking.

 

Oh, and get someone to Photoshop that symbol on for you (I'd also recommend using the old painter, so you can give the Marine a bolter, but that's personal preference).

 

Nice symbol, BTW, Ecritter.

[Ace Debonair]

The Sons of Lightning have no homeworld, no singular base of recruitment and rest. Instead the Sons are a fleet based chapter, constantly patrolling the Veil. The Sons recruit from three main worlds: Sujuta, the deadly jungle, Gennis, the burning waste, and Cajarta Prime, the hive world. Sujuta is a lush feral world, where the relatively primitive men wage a constant war of survival against the jungle and its inhabitants. The planet of Gennis is one large and unbroken desert, with vast underground seas at the North and South poles, connected to each other by subterranean rivers, whose waters are tapped by deep wells, each a relic of a long forgotten past. However, the wells are few, and competition for them is extremely fierce, leading to constant warfare and hardy recruits for the Sons. Cajarta Prime is a massive hive world, and from it's gangs, recruits are taken.

 

Tell me they have a Fortress Monastery on the Craftworld. For preference, with dark whispers from the walls in the night and sneaky evil happenings. Seriously. Haunted craftworld that hates its occupants. Think about it.

 

I think haunted empty Craftworld might be more interesting than demon infested one. Maybe. Certainly creepier. Plus, it'd make a good fleet base in any case.

:D Damn, that'd be awesome. In the good way.

 

Seriously, Shinzaren. If you don't use that idea, I'm poised to steal it. ;)

"You are men of hardy stock, who have faced death all your lives. You have fought, killed, and bled to be here. But trust me now when I tell you that your lives and your fights have meant nothing compared to what awaits you." -Sergeant Hulias Jusha, speaking to new recruits of the Sons of Lightning.

Hmm. Not sure about this one.

How about something like:

"Your people are strong. They have faced death all their lives. They have fought, bled and killed, like true warriors to get where they are. But trust me now when I say that you must do it all a thousand times better to survive that which awaits you." -Sergeant Hulias Jusha, speaking to new recruits of the Sons of Lightning.

 

Although that in itself could probably be a bit snappier.

 

"It is decided then. The Third and the Fifth shall have the honor of the assault. As for the Guardsmen who decided to ally with the Xenos, the Sixth will handle this. A pity there were no survivors. Emperor Protect." -Chapter Master Nikolai Hessa, addressing his Captains prior to the battle for Justeria Prime.

You don't think throwing three companies into the fight so flippantly comes across as a little odd?

How about:

"Then commence the assault with all speed, and may The Emperor protect you. And Captain... be sure to give the proper assistance to those who aided the xenos. I'm sure they will not be missed." -Chapter Master Nikolai Hessa, addressing Captain of the Third Company prior to the battle for Justeria Prime.

 

Or something of that kidney. ;)

 

Otherwise, cool. ;)

[Shinzaren]

Octavulg:

 

So they kill the Necrons? Or the C'Tan? Or the Slann?

I'm sure they would if they could... Point taken though.

 

"There is nothing in this galaxy so dangerous and deviant as the Eldar. They are a race without conscience, without soul. They may wear a face like that of Man, but it conceals the mind of an alien. You may ally with them, thinking them your friends, but they will turn on you, devour you, and when you die, it will be to suit their vile machinations. And your death will be the deserving death of the traitor."

Consider it stolen wholesale!

 

A name change is an abandonment of a Chapter's heritage - why would they do so? Unless there's a pronounced need for it, just have them be the Sons of Lightning.

 

Also, the Sons of Thunder might flow a little better. Then again, it might not.

Getting it from both sides on this one. Gonna have to figure out a good solution.

 

If they could see it, surely they could reach them in time. They're Space Marines.

 

Good motivation, mind.

I'll make an amendment saying they are in Orbit or something when it happened.

 

What is the Imperium's understanding of Spirit Stones? Just to make sure you don't get too far ahead of them.

Yeah, I'm trying to convey that they know the Spirit Stones are important, but not how they are important. They know it really pisses the Eldar off to break them, but they aren't real clear on the why.

 

I don't like battles. Except this. I like this.

Ha, thank you. I feel the need to sig-quote this so it can be recorded for all time ;)

 

I'm not sure the reinforcements are necessary for either side. Then again...

 

Tell me they have a Fortress Monastery on the Craftworld. For preference, with dark whispers from the walls in the night and sneaky evil happenings. Seriously. Haunted craftworld that hates its occupants. Think about it.

 

I think haunted empty Craftworld might be more interesting than demon infested one. Maybe. Certainly creepier. Plus, it'd make a good fleet base in any case.

Yeah, I am gonna remove the last part about the reinforcements on both sides, and combine it with your totally sweet Haunted Craftworld idea. Although, between this and your later suggestion, I think you took "I have no mouth, and I must I scream" to heart. Still, I'm gonna work on it. I figured Demons would just naturally be present given the level of death, weaponry unleashed, and psychic power used during the last battle. The veil between the Warp and Real Space would be thin. Still, gonna get to work making this haunted Craftworld Monastery though. I'm trying to be careful and avoid saying they are driving around in control of the world though, because the tech-level would just be so far beyond them. I'm thinking maybe they slap some crude human engines on the underside and power around the galaxy?

 

Predators can move as fast as Rhinos...

I stole some Blood Angels Rhinos? :rolleyes:

 

Oh, come on. Go read "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream", then come back and tell me how they hate the Eldar.

 

Seriously. Do it.

I don't know how to justify that level of hate? Do I need to justify it? Is pure unadulterated hate ok? I would normally need some event or conflict to spark that hate. But this is 40k... where the haters come to hate...

 

No, no. He shouldn't just dismiss these statements. He must explain that if you need to spit acid, you're evidently not awesome enough to be a Son of Lightning. Or something of that nature.

I just didn't wanna copy the Imperial Fists/Black Templar quote haha. I'll work on this, and all the other quotes. I agree wholeheartedly that they all need work.

 

Recruitment practices. Influences of the Craftworld upon their genetics. All that sort of thing could go in here, perchance. Read some IAs to get ideas, basically.

Yeah, I knew the section needed more, I just didn't have anything yet, so I left it deliberately blank rather than filling it in with stupid nonsense :)

 

Polish is needed. Polish and (I suspect) length. They're also a little flat - more diversity in quotes and a few little details should help, I'm thinking.

Yep, I tried as hard as possible to keep it as short as possible, figuring it is easier to add details than remove them :) Gonna work up a new draft with some of the suggestions. A big thing I could use help with is expressing that level of raw, uncontrolled, pure hate. I want to make sure that the reader knows that if it has the word Eldar in, on, or around it, it is a target for the entire might and hatred of an entire Astartes Chapter.

 

Ace:

 

Damn, that'd be awesome. In the good way.

 

Seriously, Shinzaren. If you don't use that idea, I'm poised to steal it

Already working on it :)

 

Hmm. Not sure about this one.

How about something like:

"Your people are strong. They have faced death all their lives. They have fought, bled and killed, like true warriors to get where they are. But trust me now when I say that you must do it all a thousand times better to survive that which awaits you." -Sergeant Hulias Jusha, speaking to new recruits of the Sons of Lightning.

 

"Then commence the assault with all speed, and may The Emperor protect you. And Captain... be sure to give the proper assistance to those who aided the xenos. I'm sure they will not be missed." -Chapter Master Nikolai Hessa, addressing Captain of the Third Company prior to the battle for Justeria Prime.

 

Or something of that kidney.

 

Otherwise, cool.

 

Yeah haha, I need to rework all the quotes. The biggest thing I need to convey with the quotes is the fact that although it's never stated outright, never proven by anyone, the Sons of Lightning don't hesitate to make war on ANYONE they see as betraying the Imperium. And their definition of betrayal is a little...loose? But yeah, all quotes shall be redone :D

 

*************************

 

Thank you Octavulg and Ace! Given me plenty of stuff to work on and keep busy with. For the next draft, nearly all quotes will be removed pending brain storming. Other features and such things will be added as I write them :)

[Heru]

Veil Region

Veiled Region.

 

My Falcon Knights are based in the same area (just outside the Veiled Region).

[Shinzaren]

Veil Region

Veiled Region.

 

My Falcon Knights are based in the same area (just outside the Veiled Region).

 

Ahh, thank you ^_^ I think I got them all changed. In other news, fully updated, AGAIN. Most changes to the end of the Origins, updated Homeworld Section, and big addition to the Gene-seed :) Still need help with quotes. Any and all suggestions will be at least considered ^_^

[Ace Debonair]

Nearly every chapter master of the Sons has born such a ruby

I think that should be borne, unless my spelling-fu has failed me.

 

Quote help, eh? Let me see what I can whip up. :lol:

I'll also improvise some names, if that's alright.

-=-=

Homeworld:

"Wherever the Eldar roam - they will find us waiting. We will pursue them and destroy them, even if we must cover every inch of this galaxy to do so." Sergeant Levin LeBrett of the Fourth Company.

 

Combat Doctrine:

"Above all else, A Son of Lightning must strike fast. And he must strike hard enough that there is no need to strike twice." - Sergeant Irvine Steiner of the Second Company.

 

Beliefs:

"I thought I had long understood the meaning of hatred, until I campaigned with the Sons of Lightning against the Eldar. True hatred, like theirs, is as consuming as an inferno - and leaves nothing but death in it's wake." - Inquisitor Lorquin Montegarde of the Ordos Xenos.

 

Organisation:

"Always be ready. On campaign, situations can change in the blink of an eye. Our responses must be even faster." - Captain Edgar McCallister of the Eighth Company.

-=-=

Two for Eldar-hatin', two to reinforce the fast-attack stuff.

Any of them any use to you? ;)

[Hrvat]

I really like the name of your Chapter because it connects not only with the story you have made but also with the Emperor himself because lighting bolt is his symbol.

 

 

Cheers

 

Hrvat

[Shinzaren]

"I thought I had long understood the meaning of hatred, until I campaigned with the Sons of Lightning against the Eldar. True hatred, like theirs, is as consuming as an inferno - and leaves nothing but death in it's wake." - Inquisitor Lorquin Montegarde of the Ordos Xenos.

 

Love this one Ace! Gonna adjust it tiny bit.

 

"I thought I had long understood the meaning the hatred, that I knew the nature of the killing hate that lurks within a man. Campaigning with the Sons of Lightning against the Eldar has shown me I was wrong. True hatred -their hatred- is an inferno, consuming all who stand against them, and leaving naught but death in its wake. Such hatred shakes the very soul." -Inquisitor Lorquin Montegarde of the Ordo Xenos.

 

Actually, yours might be better haha. I dunno. I like em both, and I really like the concept of a jaded Inquisitor who thinks he's seen it all being surprised at the raw depth of their hatred. The rest of your suggestions are all good, but this one just leaped out at me and really defined exactly what I was aiming for. Fantastic work.

 

I really like the name of your Chapter because it connects not only with the story you have made but also with the Emperor himself because lighting bolt is his symbol.

Many thanks Hrvat ;) Glad you like it.

Edited November 4, 2010 by Shinzaren

[Ecritter]

On the name change. I said before that it'd take a very serious situation to make a chapter even consider it ... and as I also said, I think you have just such a situation with the battle.

[Shinzaren]

Yeah haha, I know. I tried to balance your idea with Octavulg\'s. As it reads now:

The Sons earned their name following the titanic battle that defined the young chapter, where thunder and lightning blessed their greatest victory.

 

I think that works? Right? Now I have an idea for a sidebar. I dunno how well it will work, so I am gonna post it here before adding it to the IA proper :tu:

 

The Sons of Lightning and the Deathwatch:

Given the Sons fanatical hatred and experience fighting the Eldar across the Veiled Region, as well as their many ties to the Ordo Xenos, it is of no surprise that many are called to serve in their elite Chamber Militant, The Deathwatch. However, though they are extremely experienced in battling their Xenos foes, the masters of the Deathwatch quickly learned that the Sons make poor leaders of such squads. Their overriding hatred for Eldar meant they would often ignore orders and objectives to persecute their personal vendetta. After several disastrous missions involving Sons of Lightning Kill-team commanders and Eldar forces, the Ordo was fed up. Recruitment from the Sons stopped completely for several centuries, until Inquisitor Montegarde decided it was a waste to not utilize such skilled fighters. Discussing the situation with then Chapter Master Nikolai Gasol, the two reached a possible solution. The Sons chosen would be only the most disciplined of the chapter, who would undergo additional training, most notably to temper their frightful hate. This seemed to work, and slowly, they were allowed entry back into the elite branch, but never again as leaders. The Sons serve honorably as skilled fighters and advisors on all things Eldar, but always answer to a commander of a different chapter. This practice has enabled the Ordo Xenos to use their unique skills, as well as avoid their unique problems. Though the Sons sometimes chafe under their orders, they have yet to abandon their duties, and the their honor is slowly being restored.

 

TEST:

So that's my idea? I dunno if it is necessary, or even worth adding, but I wanted to try it :) Thoughts? Comments? Criticisms?

Edited November 5, 2010 by Shinzaren

[Ace Debonair]

Inquisitor Montegrade decided it was a waste to not utilize such skilled fighters.

Typo in the Inquisitor's name. It's Montegarde.

You'd best fix it, you know how touchy they can get over things like that. :tu: :)

 

The sidebar seems alright, apart from that.

[Shinzaren]

Inquisitor Montegrade decided it was a waste to not utilize such skilled fighters.

Typo in the Inquisitor's name. It's Montegarde.

You'd best fix it, you know how touchy they can get over things like that. :tu: :P

 

The sidebar seems alright, apart from that.

 

Especially since I am stealing your Inquisitor wholesale from right under your nose! :) It shall be done.