IA: Sons of Lightning

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

2. What form might kill count tattoos take? Are they just tally marks, like you might see on a prison wall or gun casing? Or are they more elaborate?

 

When I imagined this in my mind I saw an Astartes arm, that accrues lightning bolts in a spiral down their arm. Thin, jagged marks that spiral nicely down the arm. Very nice to look at. Also once the arm is completely black with the first mark, they switch to white ink and go over the original kills, maybe, that second part isn't quite so good.

 

Other than that, having kill markers as tattoos is a little bit problematic. You only have a certain amount of skin on your body (*duh*) and inking over other ink isn't usually a good idea, really. A veteran would be literally covered in ink, given how long even your average tactical marines career is. Also once you reach the full limit on how much you can mark on the body, how do you go about marking more?

 

It would be better to mark kills as scouts then once their arm is blacked out (maybe?) they are initiated and have the white lightning bolt to mark their status. It doesn't sit too well with me now that I think of it, but it's an idea.

[Ace Debonair]

Other than that, having kill markers as tattoos is a little bit problematic. You only have a certain amount of skin on your body (*duh*) and inking over other ink isn't usually a good idea, really. A veteran would be literally covered in ink, given how long even your average tactical marines career is. Also once you reach the full limit on how much you can mark on the body, how do you go about marking more?

 

It would be better to mark kills as scouts then once their arm is blacked out (maybe?) they are initiated and have the white lightning bolt to mark their status. It doesn't sit too well with me now that I think of it, but it's an idea.

Temporary tatoos, anybody? :lol:

 

I think once you've had an elegant sufficiency of tatoos, it might be time to decorate bits of your armour.

[Shinzaren]

Have returned to this later. Have two minor quibbles about the plot, easily quelled.

 

1. I think they should be named the Sons of the Storm at their Founding. The ships' names and the fact that they take the ion storm as an omen (good use of a celestial event instead of a Warp storm or something else typical by the way) would seem to indicate that this is your actual intention, but there's a line in their Origins section that suggests that they are named for the battle against Ya'Jalden.

 

2. High Lords aren't going to order them to attack anything. Just say they were the most readily available and appropriate force with which to enact the Craftworld's execution.

 

Couple questions to make sure my Legends of the Liber story keeps continuity.

 

1. Does the Chapter see any difference between Craftworld, Dark, Corsair, or Exodite Eldar?

 

2. What form might kill count tattoos take? Are they just tally marks, like you might see on a prison wall or gun casing? Or are they more elaborate?

 

3. What measures does your Chapter undertake in order to prevent rivalries from the recruits of different worlds springing up? Or do they even bother, allowing time to sort out these things?

 

1a.) I can fix that. The first name has been a bit of an issue haha. The Sons of Lightning are named after the Battle of Ya'Jalden. However, as has been pointed out, multiple times, they would have a name before this. Sons of the Storm could work.

2a.) I can change that to a planetary Governor requested aid, and they were the closest.

 

1b.) Yes and No. They know of the difference, but they don't really distinguish to much. They hate the Eldar so completely, that they just lump the Dark Eldar in with them. Because the Dark Eldar are more raiders and slavers, and lacking in the presence and numbers of Eldar, they aren't as suitable for a main antagonist. They do still hate them though.

2b.) Kill Tattoos are only awarded for Exarchs, Seers, Farseers, Avatars, Autarchs, and other Leader Elites. That should also answer GHY's question about running out of space. They don't note or reward the killing of regular warriors or Aspect Warriors, only the leaders, which would be rare enough that only the most skilled and oldest Veterans could ever conceivably run out of space. Each kill is marked with a symbol unique to that enemy. So, all Dire Avenger Exarch kills earn the same symbol, but they are different from Fire Dragon Exarch kills. I haven't thought that in depth as to what each symbol would be, and I never thought I would have too :) Feel free to use whatever symbol you like.

3.)They don't really worry about it. The psycho-conditioning, and the hatred of Eldar pressed into them as they are changed into marines would override most of their old memories and such. Distinct rivalries between worlds are practically non-existent, they recruit from three worlds equally to maintain balance in the chapter, and to prevent any one world's unique quirks from becoming a big issue.

 

EDIT:

When I imagined this in my mind I saw an Astartes arm, that accrues lightning bolts in a spiral down their arm. Thin, jagged marks that spiral nicely down the arm. Very nice to look at. Also once the arm is completely black with the first mark, they switch to white ink and go over the original kills, maybe, that second part isn't quite so good.

Or do that :P Although, it would be nice to have some way of distinguishing kills, so Veterans could glance at individual tattoos and note what each has killed. One may have killed 12 Dire Avenger Exarchs, while another has killed 3 Fire Dragons, 2 Banshees, 4 Warp Spiders, 1 Shining Spear, and 2 Scorpions. The tattoos would instantly let others know not only how awesome they are at killing Eldar, but which particular Eldar they killed :(

 

EDIT EDIT: One particular quirk/trait that I always make a point to have, but didn't deem worthy of mention in the IA itself, is that whenever they are in combat, or the possibility of immediate combat, they ALL, ALWAYS, wear their helmets. It is an amazing thing to me that these warriors armor themselves in the best protection the Imperium can provide, and constantly expose one of the few vital organ they have no back up for. My Marines aren't that silly, they don't expose their brain pans to enemy snipers unprotected, and this counts double for Terminators. Out of combat, in the Monastery, or on ships, fine, helmets off at their discretion. In combat, always helmeted. It just makes sense.

Edited January 2, 2011 by Shinzaren

[Heru]

Sons of the Storm could work.

Sons of Lightning is a better name. Sons of the Storm is more long winded.

 

In regards to your kill tattoos, Exarchs aren't a dime a dozen. Even in a two hundred year stretch it is going to be very unlikely for any singular marine to personally dispatch as your example twelve Dire Avenger Exarchs. You'd be better off having them mark for regular Aspect Warriors (which is more closely suited to a "marine equivilent").

[Shinzaren]

Yeah, this is another aspect of the IA that needs work. Documented interactions between Eldar and Space Marines aren't rare, but are always scarce on details. The problem is that I am unsure as to how to gauge the worth/worthiness of Eldar in comparison to Space Marines. In Matt Ward's words, one Space Marine can take on an Avatar (Calgar), but in almost every other source, the Eldar are powerful foes, with even their baseline Aspect Warriors being hardy opponents. I ventured first for kill tattoos based on Leaders because I knew that they would be very hard kills, and thus worthy of the remembrance. The example of 12 Exarchs was hardly accurate, just a number thrown out to make my point. Ideally, I can will be able to nail down exactly what kill would be worthy of marking, and it is quite possible that you are correct Heru, and it will individual Aspect Warriors, who are usually shown to be incredibly dangerous opponents in their chosen field.

[Octavulg]

I have two recommendations - first, compare game statistics some. It's nowhere near perfect, but it's not terrible, and it's not completely inaccurate.

 

Second, go by this general rule - Eldar warriors are quick and talented, Marines are strong and talented. Whichever situation is favored, the appropriate one will triumph.

[CKO]

Nice IA it has come a long way, I remember when they were called something else but who cares about that now, my main problem is the craftworld as a home world. If you kill all of the eldar on a craft world the world will shortly die as everything is psychically linked. How would wraithbones without spirit stones survive? I dont understand how it works 100%, but I doubt that the craftworld would be able to sustain life after a crushing defeat.

[Shinzaren]

Wraithbone is psychically grown and charged, but I never read anywhere that it relies on continued psychic presence to survive. Also, the Craftworld is still psychically charged, as the Infinity Matrix is still there. The Souls of the dead remain, powering the Craftworld, and sustaining the structures. It's what gives the Craftworld is hateful personality.

[CKO]

Craftworlds are almost like hive fleets except they rely on spirit stones and the psychic presence of eldar to maintain life. Also why would your chapter not destroy the Infinity Matrix? It is literally the grave site of every Eldar of the craftworld and resting place of their souls, if your chapter hates them so much their first instinct natural should be to destroy their burial grounds. I dont know how you can hate an enemy so much but your homeworld is a craftworld? Maybe I am not quite understanding the value the craftworld has wiith the chapter. Edited January 3, 2011 by CKO

[Shinzaren]

Craftworlds are almost like hive fleets except they rely on spirit stones and the psychic presence of eldar to maintain life. Also why would your chapter not destroy the Infinity Matrix? It is literally the grave site of every Eldar of the craftworld and resting place of their souls, if your chapter hates them so much their first instinct natural should be to destroy their burial grounds. I dont know how you can hate an enemy so much but your homeworld is a craftworld? Maybe I am not quite understanding the value the craftworld has wiith the chapter.

Source?

 

The Infinity Circuit is the entire network of wraithbone that makes up the Craftworld, linking the entire thing together like the veins of a human being. (Page 14 of the Eldar Codex refers to it as such) Destroying the Infinity Circuit would be destroying the world itself. Also, you are assuming the Sons of Lightning even know of the existence or the importance of the Infinity Circuit. It's not something they tell ANYONE about, so the Sons are probably largely oblivious. The World is a trophy, one which serves multiple purposes, all explained in the IA. Training ground, research center, symbol of Imperial dominance, and a demoralizing force on their enemies.

[CKO]

Page 14 of the Eldar Codex also mentions bio-domes the place where spirit stones are place and the wraithbone is exposed. If the craftworld is their homeworld surely they have found the bio-domes and once they find all of these stones in one place they will destroy them right?

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

If the craftworld is their homeworld surely they have found the bio-domes and once they find all of these stones in one place they will destroy them right?

 

See this:

 

The World is a trophy, one which serves multiple purposes, all explained in the IA.

 

Emphasis mine. It's a trophy, they like it to be all shiny and complete. If this angers the Eldar even more, then more power to them and the more they would love to keep it intact. Having possession over the graveyards of their elders would piss the Eldar off to no end and likely lead to a lot more conflict, not that the chapter would be complaining given they hate them a whole bunch.

 

At least, that's how I take it.

[Shinzaren]

Emphasis mine. It's a trophy, they like it to be all shiny and complete. If this angers the Eldar even more, then more power to them and the more they would love to keep it intact. Having possession over the graveyards of their elders would piss the Eldar off to no end and likely lead to a lot more conflict, not that the chapter would be complaining given they hate them a whole bunch.

 

At least, that's how I take it.

Correct. The Sons of Lightning, though in control of the Homeworld, don't know everything about it. They have been exploring and occupying it for centuries, but there is always something new to learn. Combine that with the Infinity Matrix, which is capable of reshaping the Wraithbone to a degree, and they would probably not to be able to find the Dome of the Crystal Seers. Even if they did, they would probably study it, to learn more about their most hated enemies, and what makes them tick. Plus, as Grey mentioned, they like their trophy intact, as it is more demoralizing for their Eldar foes. Added to this fact is that World's Fall serves as a staging point for Adeptus Mechanicus, and Ordo Xenos expeditions into the dead Craftworld. Even if they found the Dome, and wanted to destroy it -which they wouldn't- the Ordo and the AM would probably throw a fit at losing such a precious piece of Xenos knowledge.

 

Also, I will be updating the Sons some time shortly, and trying to answer any final questions and make any last minute changes ;) Thanks to everyone who has provided the great C&C that has made this IA what it is, and thanks to everyone who will continue to critique it into the future, helping me to get it Librarium ready :D

[Sigismund Himself]

Since these guys will be fighting alongside the Gryphon Guard in the Liber campaign's Crusades for Honour, I figured I might as well critique it after reading it :)

 

While in orbit around Sujuta, the Sons bore witness to the Eldar turning on the Guardsmen that thought the Xenos their allies against the Orks of the world. Racing to intercept them, the Sons arrived too late, and the Eldar managed to slaughter the Imperials and escape.

There's a few sentences where the wording is a little weak and not quite IA-tone, like the sentence above.

 

This might have been the end of the young chapter, had an ancient and decrepit old astropath not tried to communicate with a dead moon. In his senility, he touched upon the Craftworld and the communication with such a psychic construct destroyed the remains of his fragile mind.

If you do a colourpiece and somehow manage to work "That's no moon, it's a craftworld" into it, I will name the next Inquisitor featured in my IAs Shinzaren :D

 

 

Every step forward was made over hundreds of Eldar corpses and it was during this time that the Sons discovered the importance of the Spirit Stones. When Captain Hessa burst the stone of a Striking Scorpion Exarch, he noticed the surviving Scorpions falter briefly, as if they had been struck themselves. Relaying this information, the Sons began to focus on the stones when they could; a tactic that, while effective, earned the hatred of an entire race.

Sounds a little too easy and begs the question why hasn't the Imperium adopted this as standard practise. I would suggest that they seek to use it to break the Eldar's control over their emotions, which is something which they base their lives around to avoid the jaws of Slaneesh, and make them more rash. It just needs more justification to my mind, otherwise why hasn't it been mentioned in the fluff before?

 

Also, the sidebar should be moved as it spoils the actions of the section it's next to. It'd better if it was down further, possibly a lot further.

 

Oh there is long, long, long list of reasons. We have fought them for millenia, and still the Eldar find new ways to be perfidious. They run, they hide. They are arrogant. They are cowardly. They treat the other races as pawns. They work for their own purposes. They're skinny. They work with godless wraithbone. They stand against the darkness only when it suits them. And for that they must burn. For thousands of years, in thousands of ways, the Eldar have shown that all they are and all they shall ever be, is hated and cast out wherever they are found. From deviant pointy ears to deviant evil sneakiness. So do not ask why we hate them. Instead ask yourself, why don't you?

The quote doesn't particularly sound like something an Astartes would say or really grimadark at all. It shook me out of reading the article a little.

 

The Combat Doctrine quote is a brilliant one.

 

The reward for slaying the Avatar is nearly always instant promotion to the First, as well as a ruby service stud, marking such a slayer for all to see. Nearly every chapter master of the Sons has borne such a ruby, and it is rumored that Nikolai Hessa, first master of the Sons, bore three at the time of his death.

I think this is a little too much. The Avatar of Khaine is a walking demi-god, your typical Astartes doesn't stand a chance against them and even Chapter Masters would struggle to survive, let alone triumph. I think this bit really needs toning down.

 

A very nice IA indeed :) The only criticism of it is that it doesn't explore the history of the conflict between the two enough. At the moment, the article consists of their hatred for the Eldar and the fact that they have a freakin' Craftworld (the execution of getting this I wholeheartedly applaud as audacious and brilliant). I would look to add to the article and try to interweave a bit more history into the conflict. Perhaps the Eldar strike against the recruiting worlds of the chapter and scourge them of life as revenge? Apart from that, I'd hint at the Eldar perhaps having plans for the Sons or being a bit more powerful as currently it seems like the Sons are winning comfortably.

[Shinzaren]

Since these guys will be fighting alongside the Gryphon Guard in the Liber campaign's Crusades for Honour, I figured I might as well critique it after reading it :)

And lo', from the Dead it shall rise, and bring with it a plague of problems... :D

 

There's a few sentences where the wording is a little weak and not quite IA-tone, like the sentence above.

Yeah, I need to bang out the last bits of content, then sit down take some long hards looks at structure and grammar.

 

If you do a colourpiece and somehow manage to work "That's no moon, it's a craftworld" into it, I will name the next Inquisitor featured in my IAs Shinzaren :D

"Imperial Scribes have transcribed the events of the day the Astropath touched upon the Craftworld, preserving the record of its discovery. Though very old, very senile, and more than a little confused, the Astropath possessed the presence of mind to utter one clear sentence before his mind was completely destroyed. Though many differing accounts exist of this famous moment, they all share one commonality. The Astropath's last words, spoken clearly and with absolute certainty have been preserved. "That's no moon, it's a Craftworld!"

 

Sounds a little too easy and begs the question why hasn't the Imperium adopted this as standard practise. I would suggest that they seek to use it to break the Eldar's control over their emotions, which is something which they base their lives around to avoid the jaws of Slaneesh, and make them more rash. It just needs more justification to my mind, otherwise why hasn't it been mentioned in the fluff before?

 

Also, the sidebar should be moved as it spoils the actions of the section it's next to. It'd better if it was down further, possibly a lot further.

I have been struggling with that Spiritstone idea for awhile. I want them to have this one inkling of an idea of how it affects the Eldar but nothing concrete. They don't do it because they know how important they are, or what they are doing. They do it because it pisses the Eldar off to no end. Your idea is a genius way around the problem of it being too overpowered and obvious enough that the Imperium would adopt it, and yet still significant enough that the Sons would pursue it. Afterall, for them it is less about the combat advantage and more about them driving their Eldar nemeses insane.

 

The sidebar issue has been raised before as well, I've just been busy and lazy and haven't gotten around to it :D It is on my to-do-list, I promise!

Oh there is long, long, long list of reasons. We have fought them for millenia, and still the Eldar find new ways to be perfidious. They run, they hide. They are arrogant. They are cowardly. They treat the other races as pawns. They work for their own purposes. They're skinny. They work with godless wraithbone. They stand against the darkness only when it suits them. And for that they must burn. For thousands of years, in thousands of ways, the Eldar have shown that all they are and all they shall ever be, is hated and cast out wherever they are found. From deviant pointy ears to deviant evil sneakiness. So do not ask why we hate them. Instead ask yourself, why don't you?

The quote doesn't particularly sound like something an Astartes would say or really grimadark at all. It shook me out of reading the article a little.

 

The Combat Doctrine quote is a brilliant one.

Haha, that was a rip from Octavulg when he was helping me grasp just how thoroughly the Sons should hate the Eldar. It sounded great as a reasoning to me, so I thought I would wedge it into the IA haha. Still, I see your point. Not very GrimDark -y.

 

I think this is a little too much. The Avatar of Khaine is a walking demi-god, your typical Astartes doesn't stand a chance against them and even Chapter Masters would struggle to survive, let alone triumph. I think this bit really needs toning down.

Yeah, another issue I have been struggling with haha. I know how ludicrously powerful the Avatar is, and I don't want it to sound like the marines are slaying them left and right. I more wanted to showcase how important bringing one down is the Sons, and what a huge deal it is. This the Eldar's most powerful force, their God made flesh. It should insanely powerful, and thus the reward should reflect that. They definitely wouldn't kill it alone, but I had this idea that making the killing blow would definitely fast track the marine in question.

 

A very nice IA indeed :tu: The only criticism of it is that it doesn't explore the history of the conflict between the two enough. At the moment, the article consists of their hatred for the Eldar and the fact that they have a freakin' Craftworld (the execution of getting this I wholeheartedly applaud as audacious and brilliant). I would look to add to the article and try to interweave a bit more history into the conflict. Perhaps the Eldar strike against the recruiting worlds of the chapter and scourge them of life as revenge? Apart from that, I'd hint at the Eldar perhaps having plans for the Sons or being a bit more powerful as currently it seems like the Sons are winning comfortably.

Yeah, the only reason I didn't dig deeper into the conflict was that I was concerned about length. I wanted to go into lots of details and describe all the bloodfeuding, but I didn't want to make an Encyclopedia :D I will try and find the balance between too much and not enough. I also don't want the Sons to seem too overpowered, so I think that some losses are definitely in order. Still, I am glad you liked the idea. There was some initial concern about the Craftworld monastery, but it was one of those ideas that I just latched onto and wouldn't let go :) I'm happy to see it turned out alright haha.

 

Changes shall be made sometime later today, as it is 6:30AM and I haven't been to bed yet :P

[Sigismund Himself]

And lo', from the Dead it shall rise, and bring with it a plague of problems... :lol:

I figured since the last edit was the end of May, it wouldn't be too bad ;)

 

"Imperial Scribes have transcribed the events of the day the Astropath touched upon the Craftworld, preserving the record of its discovery. Though very old, very senile, and more than a little confused, the Astropath possessed the presence of mind to utter one clear sentence before his mind was completely destroyed. Though many differing accounts exist of this famous moment, they all share one commonality. The Astropath's last words, spoken clearly and with absolute certainty have been preserved. "That's no moon, it's a Craftworld!"

Done ^_^

 

 

Yeah, the only reason I didn't dig deeper into the conflict was that I was concerned about length. I wanted to go into lots of details and describe all the bloodfeuding, but I didn't want to make an Encyclopedia :D I will try and find the balance between too much and not enough.

It's a tricky balance to strike but it's more about interweaving it through the article more than having a huge history section.

 

Changes shall be made sometime later today, as it is 6:30AM and I haven't been to bed yet :P

*Whipcrack*

[Shinzaren]

Ahh the pain! I am editing it now! I swear!

 

EDIT: UPDATED! Lots of new stuff, trying to work in and pare down as Sigi has suggested. Also added a couple new sidebars, which I think adds a bit to the depth of the article without making it seem a lot longer.

Edited May 24, 2011 by Shinzaren

[Ace Debonair]

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read 'that's no moon...'

I still don't, in fact. Very nice. :)

 

Are you in need of catchy quotes for the Homeworld and Organization sections?

I can have a go at drumming something suitable up if you want it.

 

Also, the quote about hatred in your beliefs section currently reads:

"I thought I had long understood the meaning the hatred; that I knew the nature of the killing hate that lurks within a man. "

 

Which I think might be the product of late-night typing. :lol:

[Shinzaren]

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read 'that's no moon...'

I still don't, in fact. Very nice. :P

And somewhere Inquisitor Shinzaren chortles in mirthless mirth. :P

 

Are you in need of catchy quotes for the Homeworld and Organization sections?

I can have a go at drumming something suitable up if you want it.

Haha, sure. You have done most of the other ones, but the more help you offer, the more I will take ;)

 

Also, the quote about hatred in your beliefs section currently reads:

"I thought I had long understood the meaning the hatred; that I knew the nature of the killing hate that lurks within a man. "

 

Which I think might be the product of late-night typing. :D

Which explains why Word was yelling at me to correct the grammar... I told it to shut up. Guess that shows me...

[Ace Debonair]

Haha, sure. You have done most of the other ones, but the more help you offer, the more I will take :P

 

For homeworld:

"I have no time for the mutterings of ghosts, brother - these halls are ours now. If the Eldar don't like it, they know where to find us."

Or:

"I cherish the hope the Eldar will try to retake this place. We will hold our ground here, and add to the supposed ghosts screaming their sorrow in the night."

 

For organisation:

"When you hear the thunder, there is no time to wonder how long the storm has been building."

 

Any good?

Edited May 24, 2011 by Ace Debonair

[Shinzaren]

Haha, sure. You have done most of the other ones, but the more help you offer, the more I will take :D

 

For homeworld:

"I have no time for the mutterings of ghosts, brother - these halls are ours now. If the Eldar don't like it, they know where to find us."

Or:

"I cherish the hope the Eldar will try to retake this place. We will hold our ground here, and add to the supposed ghosts screaming their sorrow in the night."

 

For organisation:

"When you hear the thunder, there is no time to wonder how long the storm has been building."

 

Any good?

 

All three are great! I need more room for Quotent Quoteables haha.

[Shinzaren]

Okay, did a lot of various editing. Reread the whole thing aloud and tried to improve flow and wording across the board. Hopefully this flows better. I also reworked the name section, having the Emperor give them a little foreshadowing of what is to come. I think it works better and clears up the question of their name pre-battle. Looking forward to more Comments/Critiques. 

 

Thanks in advance,

Shinz

[Octavulg]

I still like them, though they're not yet perfect. Good solution on the name.

 

"There is nothing in this galaxy as dangerous and deviant as the Eldar. They are a race without conscience, without soul. They may wear a face like that of Man, but it conceals the mind of an alien. You may ally with them, thinking them your friends, but they will turn on you, devour you, and when you die, it will be to suit their vile machinations. And your death will be the deserving death of the traitor." -Sons of Lightning 3rd Company Captain Rai Debonachi, prior to the execution of Colonel Hussel Brach of the Igneotin 143rd Guard Regiment.

 

 

I'd change it to "Rai Debonachi, Captain of the Sons of Lightning 3rd Company"

 

they would truly earn their name following the titanic battle that defined the young chapter, where thunder and lightning blessed their greatest victory; a clear sign from their Emperor.

 

 

Cut that. Spoils the surprise.

 

Upon the creation of the chapter, the Adeptus Mechanicus gifted the Sons with the mighty Battle Barge, The Thunderhead, and the Forge Ship, Lightning's Wrath.

 

 

I'd call it just "Thunderhead". It's still the Thunderhead, but not The Thunderhead. If you follow.

 

What? I'll nitpick if I want.

 

Also, at some point I'm going to paint a few of these guys up in Epic. They can be part of my Liber Crusade.

 

Now supplied with ships, a handful of marines from the Crimson Fists Chapter including a marine named Nikolai Hessa, formed the core of the chapter's leadership; guiding the chapter's infantile development into a full-fledged war machine. With the beginnings of a fleet and the start of a Chapter, the training cadre led their charges into the Veiled Region where they were intent on forging their legend.

 

 

Introduce him at the point where he begins to matter.

 

And don't say "infantile development". On the one level, it just means young, on another it means baby-like and implies your marines lack control of their bodily functions.

 

And you say chapter a lot.

 

So, basically, just go "handful of Marines from the Crimson Fists took responsibility for guiding the infant (or new) chapter, and led their new charges into the Veiled Region, where they would forge their destiny. "

 

The Veiled Region had long been host to Eldar raiders and the Sons quickly set about cleansing their new home. Their first conflicts did not favor the budding chapter however, as the Eldar outmaneuvered them or slipped away time and again. The veterans of the cadre, realizing their tactics weren't working, turned to the Codex for answers. They adopted changes to their strategy, often switching tactics in the middle of battle. Though only skirmishes, these initial conflicts were crucial to the development of the chapter.

 

 

The last few sentences don't really say that much. Also, I think you're missing an opportunity here - these failures should be the tactical and moral reason they attack the Craftworld. If Craftworld X is the most problematic, they decide to play to the strengths of Space Marines - Marines aren't good at chasing people around (Eldar, OTOH, are great at it). On the other hand, flimsy little elves break easily when you grab them, haul them close and mash their face with your power fist.

 

So to speak.

 

Point is, attacking the Craftworld isn't something that should be imposed from outside. It's what they want to do, and what they should do, and so you should do it on those terms.

 

Also, a good reference for fighting the Eldar would be counterinsurgency tactics (before TV). i.e. Find stuff they like and force them to battle. You can't fight Eldar defensively.

 

According to LExicanum, the Imperium has given up fighting the Eldar this way. I'll look into it.

 

It was also during this time that their natural disdain for the Eldar race became a burning hatred. While in orbit around the jungle world of Sujuta, the Sons bore witness to the Eldar turning on the Guardsmen that thought the Xenos their allies against the Orks invading their world. Racing to intercept them, the Sons arrived too late, and the Eldar managed to slaughter the Imperials and escape. This would not be the first time they witnessed such vile treachery and each time, it drove the spike of hatred deeper into their hearts. So it was that when the orders came down from the High Lords of Terra to purge a Craftworld that had been attacking the nearby Cajarta system, they took to it with gusto.

 

 

Several random short examples are almost always better than one long one. Also, remember earlier comments re: Craftworld.

 

Imperial Scribes have transcribed the events of the day the Astropath touched upon the Craftworld, preserving the record of its discovery. Though very old, very senile, and more than a little confused, the Astropath possessed the presence of mind to utter one clear sentence before his mind was completely destroyed. Though many differing accounts exist of this famous moment, they all share one commonality. The Astropath's last words, spoken clearly and with absolute certainty have been preserved. "That's no moon, it's a Craftworld!".

 

 

You know how I know you just added this? Because dead people can't add stuff to IAs, and that's what you'd be if this had been here before.

 

This might have been the end of the young chapter, had an ancient and decrepit old astropath not tried to communicate with a dead moon.

 

 

Why?

 

Also, seriously - have them seek the Craftworld out. Dumb luck is for losers.

 

Testing their tactical acumen and flexibility to the limit, the Sons began to adapt to the ambushes, moving quickly to fall back or reinforce areas as necessary. Every step forward was made over hundreds of Eldar corpses and it was during this time that the Sons discovered the importance of the Spirit Stones. When Captain Hessa burst the stone of a Striking Scorpion Exarch, he noticed the surviving Scorpions falter briefly, before striking out in an uncontrollable rage. Relaying this information, the Sons began to focus on the stones when they could; a tactic that, while effective, earned the hatred of an entire race.

 

 

There must be a source somewhere that discusses how much the Imperium knows about spirit stones. It just surprises me that they don't know what they're for.

 

Also, adapting to ambushes on the Eldar's home turf feels a lttle weird.

 

Pushing further into the Craftworld, the Sons came across the Avatar of Khaine for the first time, suffering fearsome casualties as they tried to bring the eldritch monster down. Knowing that this was the Eldar's last stand the Sons committed all their forces and the battle in the Court of Isha's Cradle was waged. The Craftworld itself, seemingly sensing its end, sailed into the nearby Ion Storm and the last battle was waged as thunder and lightning shook the sky and pounded defender and attacker alike. The Eldar paused to look upon the storm in terror but the Sons took the storm as an omen; the Emperor had named them the Sons of Lightning and now the marines knew why. Hurling themselves forward, they set upon the Eldar in a fury, harnessing the elemental rage of the storm as their own. Nowhere was this more personified than in the center of this bloody melee, where Hessa struck down the Avatar as lightning smote his blade. The storm itself raged into the God of War and when Hessa raised his power sword, it glowed red with the heat of the strike and the blood of a God. The death cry of Khaine became a scream that would herald the end of the Craftworld. Every Eldar that did battle that day was put to the sword and in a move that could never be forgiven, the Sons shattered the spirit stones of every Eldar they found, dead or alive. Ya'Jalden had been conquered, though not without cost.

 

 

I still like this (though I noticed that you repeated "waged" a bit too close together). I think the sentence about the storm is a bit unwieldly.

 

Also, technically the Avatar's just part of Khaine, not Khaine.

 

More than eight hundred marines had perished in the assault, in addition to the dozens of tanks and other vehicles lost. The fleet had suffered as well, both from the defenders, and the fury of the storm which slowly burned itself out as the battle did the same. Realizing the vast strategic potential the dead Craftworld presented, Hessa and his surviving marines set about cleansing the last pockets of resistance and establishing the mighty Fortress that would come to be known as World Fall. From here they would slowly rebuild their devastated Chapter, strengthening their ties with other Imperial organizations in the process. Nearly one-hundred and fifty years later the Sons would emerge whole, having restored their ranks and their pride. With the aid of noted Inquisitors of the Ordo Xenos, as well as strong ties to the Adeptus Mechanicus, the Sons rebuilt themselves stronger than ever and continued their never ending war against the vile Xenos of the Veiled Region.

 

 

Other Eldar worlds might try to destroy the weakened chapter (such as Biel Tan), and should be mentioned as attacking specifically in this period. They must have had to destroy webway gates or something (read: definitely - if there's a webway gate on that thing, it'd end up vomiting out a strike force. They either have a million emplacements pointed at it or have wrecked it), and perhaps called on some allies to protect them while rebuilding (i.e. mention some debts incurred and such).

 

"I cherish the hope the Eldar will try to retake this place. We will hold our ground here, and add to the supposed ghosts screaming their sorrow in the night." -Sergeant Jeras of the Sons of Lightning 10th Co.

 

 

Take out "supposed", and don't bother adding "supposed". Also, I'm not sure you need to specify what chapter he's with.

 

The Sons do not maintain a typical homeworld; no planet serves as their home and place of rest. Instead, the Sons of Lightning have built a mighty Fortress Monastery, known as World Fall, on the remains the dead Craftworld Ya'Jalden.

 

 

Remember what you JUST TOLD US LAST PARAGRAPH?

 

Though a dead and lifeless world, the immense psychic construct of the Craftworld's Infinity Matrix, as well as the terrible weapons and powers unleashed in the planet-ship's last stand, combine to make the Craftworld a haunting and terrifying place. Inquisitors and dignitaries visiting the Keep have described the Craftworld as a living entity, burning with hatred and impotence against those who destroyed its people and took control of its being. Though incapable of direct harm, the Craftworld's hate begins to take a toll on visitors, who slowly feel the impotent rage pressing in on them, driving some quite mad. The effect is even more prominent on Psykers, who can feel the living essence of the world more clearly than others. The Sons remain stoically unaffected, meeting hatred with hatred, and impotence with power. They have mastered the dead world and the price of its defeat is eternal servitude to its betters.

 

 

Nice.

 

These three worlds were not the original recruiting worlds of the Sons however, for they once recruited from a pair of worlds now dead and lifeless. The worlds of Killias and Gillias, twin planets orbiting a pair of twin stars were the original worlds of the Sons, from whence the first recruits were taken. Shortly after the conquering of Ya’Jalden and the immediate defense of their new home from Eldar seeking to recover it, the twin worlds were lost. In a bizarre astrological event, the smaller of the two stars imploded at the exact same time the larger went supernova. The resulting explosion and black hole ripped the system apart in a horrifying manner. Though thought at first to have been a simple, albeit awful coincidence, the truth is far more terrifying. The Eldar of Biel-Tan, with whom the Sons of Lightning battle constantly for the Veiled Worlds, revealed some horrifying and unknown Xenos Tech and claimed responsibility for the destruction of the worlds. In a message transmitted from the remains of the system, their manifesto of revenge was sent. “You have destroyed the home of our brothers and sisters; our dearest kin. Now you shall harvest what you have sown. The Swordwind shall reap your worlds as you reaped ours. You shall find no peace within the stars. We come.” When this new information came to light, blood oaths of the most fell nature were sworn and the Sons began their systemic campaign of genocide. Their new recruiting worlds are amongst their most closely guarded secrets, and as of yet, no threats or attacks have been made against them. Still, the Sons remain ever watchful, knowing full well the threat the Eldar’s advanced technology poses.

 

 

Too long, too overwrought, and has dialogue in the text! WHY MUST YOU DISAPPOINT ME SO!!!!!

 

I'm tired. Can you tell?

 

Anyway, you can do better. The vengeance angle is good, the star-killing weapon is probably overkill. Just have them slaughter people more conventionally. I mean, a virus bomb or three would do it.

 

Constant battle across the Veil and the mobile nature of the Sons has led to them possessing a fluid command structure. Captains and Commanders are given large freedoms, able to wage wars as they wish. The Chapter Master, who gives up his forename to take the name Nikolai, oversees the myriad battles and skirmishes from the Thunderhead, and often leads the chapter to war, especially against the hated Eldar. Though scattered and divided across the Veil, the Sons are quick to unite as a chapter against a large enemy, and especially so against an Eldar force. In the event that battle with their most hated adversary is possible, Nikolai will summon the entire chapter back, and the Captains of the companies will each lobby their case that they should be given the honor of the assault. Such debates are short, as prolonged negotiations would only allow their foe time to escape. When the battle plan is formed, and those fortunate companies are assigned, Nikolai himself will lead the forces of the Sons, often drawing first blood against their most hated enemy.

 

 

That Nikolai thing's weird. Also, you're belaboring the Tesla reference.

 

The Sons favor close combat when possible, preferring to look their enemy in the eye as they slay them. Against the Eldar especially, the Sons of Lightning prefer these tactics, as they find it is much harder for their foe to make a cowardly retreat when locked in bloody melee. They favor close combat for another reason as well, as the Sons prefer to take trophies from mighty enemies, especially leaders amongst the Eldar. The Avatar of Khaine is the greatest example of this, as the Sons rush into melee combat in an attempt to slay the vengeful deity and claim the glory of the kill. This has led to a higher than average casualty rate when the Avatar is fielded, as the Sons tend to abandon strategy in an attempt to claim this honor, though the sighting of such a foe is a rare thing indeed.

 

 

Paragraph's a bit repetitive at the start. Avatar bit feels like it belongs in a sidebar.

 

The Sons of Lightning prefer a method of warfare that relies on speed and surprise over ponderous strength and firepower. Years of battling the Eldar have ensured they are flexible and highly adaptable, able to avoid being bogged down and surrounded. However, because of their predilection for close combat, the Sons are lacking in heavy armor, and field comparatively fewer tanks and Land Raiders than other chapters. They consider this no great loss, instead arming their squads with heavy weapons and anti-armor. Each such squad is nearly always given a Rhino transport, enabling them to quickly maneuver about the battlefield, bringing their heavy weapons to bear where they can be most useful. This allows them to remain highly mobile, without sacrificing their anti-armor capabilities.

 

 

Predators are about as fast as Rhinos, you know...

 

This cold act of destruction is thought to be the source of the greatest conflicts between the Sons and the Eldar,

 

 

By whom?

 

as the former seek to destroy an alien nemesis, and the latter seek to avenge the forever-lost souls of their kin. Should the Sons ever learn the true significance of the stones, it is likely they would try even harder to destroy them, ensuring their eldritch foes suffer even more.

 

 

That'd strengthen Chaos. I'd expect them to capture them and feed them to the Emperor or something like that.

 

Overheard conversation between Sergeant E.C. Ritter and a recruit of the Sons of Lightning.

 

 

EC Ritter? Doesn't feel very 40Ky.

 

Also, where would a Marine hear about the details of Space MArine genetics, anyway?

 

* * *

 

Still fun. Anything you want to work in and are having trouble with, etc?

Edited March 12, 2013 by Octavulg

[Shinzaren]

 

 

I still like them, though they're not yet perfect. Good solution on the name.

 Thanks. Took long enough to come to a perfectly obvious solution.

 

 

I'd change it to "Rai Debonachi, Captain of the Sons of Lightning 3rd Company"

True, he'd be dead already for allying with the Eldar. Speeches to the soon to be dead always fall on deaf ears...

 

 

Cut that. Spoils the surprise.

Yeah, that's a hold over from a time before names and such.

 

 

I'd call it just "Thunderhead". It's still the Thunderhead, but not The Thunderhead. If you follow.

 

What? I'll nitpick if I want.

 

Also, at some point I'm going to paint a few of these guys up in Epic. They can be part of my Liber Crusade. 

Haha, nice. I can certainly change that. It's not super important to me one way or the other, and it is an easy fix. 

 

 

Introduce him at the point where he begins to matter.

 

And don't say "infantile development". On the one level, it just means young, on another it means baby-like and implies your marines lack control of their bodily functions.

 

And you say chapter a lot.

 

So, basically, just go "handful of Marines from the Crimson Fists took responsibility for guiding the infant (or new) chapter, and led their new charges into the Veiled Region, where they would forge their destiny. "

Noted. Although infantile was the idea. They were giant baby-faced kids who got their lunch money taken by the Eldar, after which they pooped a little. Enter war montage where they get tough and take on said bully. Kidding aside, I'll work on it

 

 

The last few sentences don't really say that much. Also, I think you're missing an opportunity here - these failures should be the tactical and moral reason they attack the Craftworld. If Craftworld X is the most problematic, they decide to play to the strengths of Space Marines - Marines aren't good at chasing people around (Eldar, OTOH, are great at it). On the other hand, flimsy little elves break easily when you grab them, haul them close and mash their face with your power fist.

The idea here is that they're sneaky and the marines aren't really good at Hide-And-Go-Seek yet. Although I do like your idea about bypassing all the problems with fighting Eldar by heading straight for the throat. 

 

 

So to speak.

 

Point is, attacking the Craftworld isn't something that should be imposed from outside. It's what they want to do, and what they should do, and so you should do it on those terms.

 

Also, a good reference for fighting the Eldar would be counterinsurgency tactics (before TV). i.e. Find stuff they like and force them to battle. You can't fight Eldar defensively.

 

According to LExicanum, the Imperium has given up fighting the Eldar this way. I'll look into it.

I wanted to give the feeling that they were off doing stuff, and someone gave them an order to go clear out the neighboring system because the Eldar were making a muck of it.They weren't really going to that system on their own, because they had their own stuff to do. But, they got orders, so they saddle up and try and fix the system. However, by the time they got there, everything was pure chaos. People starving, no trade, worlds isolated and preyed upon. Just a mess. So, they started with the obvious things, food, trade, supplies. They didn't really have any experience personally in the area, so they just started with what they knew. I can work on it. 

 

 

Several random short examples are almost always better than one long one. Also, remember earlier comments re: Craftworld.

I am remembering the advice you gave me about Hatred. This was written shortly after you had me rea, "I have no mouth and I must scream." I was trying to justify that level of hatred. Having the marines defending a system didn't seem like it would be enough. They would have regular old marine levels hatred, sure, but I wanted them to have that burning hatred that blinds them to everything but the foe. I don't really have a good way/reason for them to hate the Eldar with all their souls. 

 

 

You know how I know you just added this? Because dead people can't add stuff to IAs, and that's what you'd be if this had been here before.

Check the earlier posts. That has been there for years. Literally. It was a suggestion from Sigismund Himself, who said he'd name an Inquisitor after me if I could pull it off haha. You clearly disagree with him haha. I rather liked it. It will go if I decide to have the Chapter be the aggressors.

 

 

Why?

 

Also, seriously - have them seek the Craftworld out. Dumb luck is for losers.

The Sons were stretched thin, fighting a defensive war against the Eldar all over the system. They were not winning. Plus, the Eldar are sneaky. They hid behind some moon so they couldn't be found. The marines are the losers at this point. The lucky underdogs! Everyone loves a lucky underdog! Kidding aside, I needed a reason for them to get their asses kicked a little, and I really liked the idea of a crazy old man trying to talk to the moon. 

 

 

There must be a source somewhere that discusses how much the Imperium knows about spirit stones. It just surprises me that they don't know what they're for.

 

Also, adapting to ambushes on the Eldar's home turf feels a lttle weird.

Adapting could be changed. More like surviving. Tactics forged in fire and all that. They had to learn to survive, and this was the ultimate school in sneaky warfare. Also, nothing I could find says they know. My Eldar codexes say it is a super closely guarded secret, and the Imperial ones never mention it to my knowledge. If they knew it would be HUGELY helpful to me, since they could focus out of the gate. It was the random chance that helps the IA conform to the more general universe, since I didn't really know. 

 

 

I still like this (though I noticed that you repeated "waged" a bit too close together). I think the sentence about the storm is a bit unwieldly.

Yeah, rereading it I certainly notice how it reads. I can certainly adjust that. 

 

 

Also, technically the Avatar's just part of Khaine, not Khaine.

The marines don't know that. This 20ft tall fire demon appeared and laid waste to everything. For all they know, he is Khaine. They're new to the whole Avatar thing, and I imagine that he makes a pretty big impression...

 

 

Other Eldar worlds might try to destroy the weakened chapter (such as Biel Tan), and should be mentioned as attacking specifically in this period. They must have had to destroy webway gates or something (read: definitely - if there's a webway gate on that thing, it'd end up vomiting out a strike force. They either have a million emplacements pointed at it or have wrecked it), and perhaps called on some allies to protect them while rebuilding (i.e. mention some debts incurred and such).

DOH! Totally forgot the Webway! Durh. Yeah, I think I will take out the Homeworld sidebar where it just repeats what I say in the main section and make that a blurb about the time period immediately following the big battle. Its a better use of the space and I can use it to better establish ties with other Imperial organizations and better establish their antagonistic relationship with the Eldar. 

 

 

Remember what you JUST TOLD US LAST PARAGRAPH? 

It's a big deal yo! Craftworlds and what not, all up in this place! Not something that happens everyday. Gotta make sure people are aware. They live on an Eldar Spaceship/Planet/Moon/Deathstar.

 

 

Nice.

Thanks

 

 

Too long, too overwrought, and has dialogue in the text! WHY MUST YOU DISAPPOINT ME SO!!!!!

I'll remove the dialogue haha.

 

 

Anyway, you can do better. The vengeance angle is good, the star-killing weapon is probably overkill. Just have them slaughter people more conventionally. I mean, a virus bomb or three would do it.

These are perfidious aliens with perfidious alien tech! This can't be regular vengeance! This has to be elaborate super-villain vengeance beyond the abilities of mankind! They are evil Eldar and stuff! 

 

 

That Nikolai thing's weird. Also, you're belaboring the Tesla reference.

So adding the Tesla tanks to the armory is a no go...? Darn. I'll rework to make it a bit easier. 

 

 

Paragraph's a bit repetitive at the start. Avatar bit feels like it belongs in a sidebar.

Yeah, I felt like the section was too short otherwise. I can see about reworking it a bit. 

 

 

Predators are about as fast as Rhinos, you know...

It's the fuel economy. The Predator is such a gas hog. The Rhino gets like 6 mpg! That's nearly 12 times what the Predator gets! You can't pass up the savings. Pays for itself in the long run... Plus, tanks are boring. Shooting your enemy with a tank is boring when you can get in his stupid elfy face and headbutt him. 

 

 

By whom?

Them, They, Those, The People In The Know, Scholars, People Who Care About The Reason That The Sons of Lightning And The Eldar Hate Each Other. Honestly, it just sounds scholarly. 

 

 

That'd strengthen Chaos. I'd expect them to capture them and feed them to the Emperor or something like that.

I guess we could try? I don't even know how that would taste. I'll work in a bit about how they note how the Gems are psychic and are trying to discern the nature of the energy, perhaps turning it into a weapon or something equally vicious. 

 

 

EC Ritter? Doesn't feel very 40Ky.

 

Also, where would a Marine hear about the details of Space MArine genetics, anyway?

They read and stuff? I dunno. I didn't really have a good gene-seed quote, and they are missing the Betcher's Gland. It worked. I could change E.C. to Bob, if that would help?

 

* * *

 

 

Still fun. Anything you want to work in and are having trouble with, etc?

 

Only real issue I am having is developing their hatred for the Eldar without an outside motivator/event. Right now I have the betrayal of the Guardsmen, but I don't have a really good reason to hate the Eldar more than any other enemy of Mankind. I could definitely use some help there. Otherwise, I just need info on what Eldar fighting Humans looks like across the various battlefields, and more info about how much Mankind knows about the Eldar. 

 

Thanks for the feedback though sir, I will get started on it right away. Most of it anyway. I quite like some of it as is

[Octavulg]

True, he'd be dead already for allying with the Eldar. Speeches to the soon to be dead always fall on deaf ears...

I actually just meant "don't list his titles before his name". Keep the Colonel or not, as you choose.

The idea here is that they're sneaky and the marines aren't really good at Hide-And-Go-Seek yet. Although I do like your idea about bypassing all the problems with fighting Eldar by heading straight for the throat.

I get that, but you're mostly just repeating yourself with the first few sentences. Give examples or something instead.

I wanted to give the feeling that they were off doing stuff, and someone gave them an order to go clear out the neighboring system because the Eldar were making a muck of it.They weren't really going to that system on their own, because they had their own stuff to do. But, they got orders, so they saddle up and try and fix the system. However, by the time they got there, everything was pure chaos. People starving, no trade, worlds isolated and preyed upon. Just a mess. So, they started with the obvious things, food, trade, supplies. They didn't really have any experience personally in the area, so they just started with what they knew. I can work on it.

Why?

 

Having them seek the Eldar out organically shows them adapting and developing as Eldar fighters. Growing frustration and such can easily translate to hatred. You don't need some outside influence to send them into all this.

I am remembering the advice you gave me about Hatred. This was written shortly after you had me rea, "I have no mouth and I must scream." I was trying to justify that level of hatred. Having the marines defending a system didn't seem like it would be enough. They would have regular old marine levels hatred, sure, but I wanted them to have that burning hatred that blinds them to everything but the foe. I don't really have a good way/reason for them to hate the Eldar with all their souls.

So do multiple short examples rather than one long one. Like at the start of the Marines Tenebric or the Bronze Prophets.

 

Them fighting the Eldar and losing will lead to hatred. Marines don't like to lose.

Check the earlier posts. That has been there for years. Literally. It was a suggestion from Sigismund Himself, who said he'd name an Inquisitor after me if I could pull it off haha. You clearly disagree with him haha. I rather liked it. It will go if I decide to have the Chapter be the aggressors.

It can't have been. Because you'd be dead. Also, anyone that senile isn't likely to be on active duy.

The Sons were stretched thin, fighting a defensive war against the Eldar all over the system. They were not winning. Plus, the Eldar are sneaky. They hid behind some moon so they couldn't be found. The marines are the losers at this point. The lucky underdogs! Everyone loves a lucky underdog! Kidding aside, I needed a reason for them to get their asses kicked a little, and I really liked the idea of a crazy old man trying to talk to the moon.

The Eldar are fast and sneaky. They can beat up Marines just fine.

 

All you need is a series of battles across the Veiled Region where the Marines arrive too late or get outmaneuvered by the Eldar. A few victories, but mostly losses. The chapter develops its hatred more with every settlement burnt, and eventually decides that the way to fight an infestation isn't to stomp on the bugs as they appear. You find the nest and burn it out.

 

Seriously. Right now you're both too specific in what's causing the Marines to hate the Eldar (lots of events, over lots of space) and they're too passive in dealing with it. You don't win against the ELdar by being passive.

The marines don't know that. This 20ft tall fire demon appeared and laid waste to everything. For all they know, he is Khaine. They're new to the whole Avatar thing, and I imagine that he makes a pretty big impression...

Still, IAs are semi-omnipotent - they're not written by your marines.

It's a big deal yo! Craftworlds and what not, all up in this place! Not something that happens everyday. Gotta make sure people are aware. They live on an Eldar Spaceship/Planet/Moon/Deathstar.

Yes, but you don't need to completely restate everything.

These are perfidious aliens with perfidious alien tech! This can't be regular vengeance! This has to be elaborate super-villain vengeance beyond the abilities of mankind! They are evil Eldar and stuff!

True.

 

Just have the worlds disappear.

It's the fuel economy. The Predator is such a gas hog. The Rhino gets like 6 mpg! That's nearly 12 times what the Predator gets! You can't pass up the savings. Pays for itself in the long run... Plus, tanks are boring. Shooting your enemy with a tank is boring when you can get in his stupid elfy face and headbutt him.

Also, Bright Lances.

Them, They, Those, The People In The Know, Scholars, People Who Care About The Reason That The Sons of Lightning And The Eldar Hate Each Other. Honestly, it just sounds scholarly.

No. Always say who thinks something, even if it's just "IMperial scholars". Though how would they know?

I guess we could try? I don't even know how that would taste. I'll work in a bit about how they note how the Gems are psychic and are trying to discern the nature of the energy, perhaps turning it into a weapon or something equally vicious.

Could do. Just don't feed them to a god of Chaos.

They read and stuff? I dunno. I didn't really have a good gene-seed quote, and they are missing the Betcher's Gland. It worked. I could change E.C. to Bob, if that would help? tongue.png

It would, in fact, not help.

 

Just don't have him be addressing a recruit?

 

* * *

Only real issue I am having is developing their hatred for the Eldar without an outside motivator/event. Right now I have the betrayal of the Guardsmen, but I don't have a really good reason to hate the Eldar more than any other enemy of Mankind. I could definitely use some help there. Otherwise, I just need info on what Eldar fighting Humans looks like across the various battlefields, and more info about how much Mankind knows about the Eldar.

Fight a particular enemy long enough and you'll begin to hate them. They fight Eldar a lot. A long list of random battles where the Eldar triumphed through varying perfidies or the Marines arrived too late to help would cement a hatred. Then have them realize the Eldar are an infestation, then burn them out of the Craftworld. This, of course, cements that view, because it worked.