My Crusade

[Son of Cathal]

Forgive me if this is the wrong place to post this.

 

Here is my Crusade. My thanks to Firepower for his advice

 

The Second Purgatory Crusade

 

Background: The First Purgatory Crusade

 

In the last years of the Great Crusade, Rogal Dorn and his Legion encountered an as yet undiscovered human civilisation. Unwilling to comply, the Imperial Fists laid siege to the system, capturing the planets one by one until only one remained. This planet, once a bastion for a long dead civilisation, was covered in monolithic fortresses. The Imperial Fists, though masters of siege warfare, failed to take the planet until Dorn came up with a plan. Using Drop Pods, the Legion's Terminator squads dropped into the hearts of the fortresses and with enemies within and without, the fortresses fell. However, the losses were grievous and Dorn had no choice but to leave his fallen Brethren when the Emperor recalled him and his Legion to Terra. Leaving behind an army of servitors, Dorn ordered that the planet, now named Purgatory, be reshaped into a cemetery world worthy of the Marines who died there. For millenia, the servitors toiled, destroying the ancient fortifications and building in their stead monolithic crypts and mausoleums that spanned entire continents. Inside were lain the bodies of the fallen Marines along with their armour and weapons.

 

The Second Purgatory Crusade

 

During a visit by the Strike Cruiser Righteous Intolerance to the library world of Machitest II, the world was raided by elements of the Iron Warriors Traitor Chapter. The Righteous Intolerance was crippled in the opening minutes of the raid, preventing it from intervening. A signal from the planet below requested the Templar's aid in defending the Librarium. Marshal Ridefort personally led his household and five crusader squads down to the planet to aid the beleaguered defenders. Among his household was Castellan Cathal, the most experienced of the Sword Brethren. Upon reaching the ancient librarium, the Templar's force was immediately assailed by Iron Warriors forces. Unable to find any decent cover, many battle brother's were cut down. Rallying his brethren, Ridefort called for them to charge the traitor marines. Drawing his Marshal's blade, Ridefort led the charge, cutting down three enemy marines in a matter of seconds. Even with their superior numbers, the Iron Warriors were unprepared for the ferocity of the Templar's assault but despite their superior close combat skills, Iron Warriors reinforcements retreating from inside the Librarium tipped the odds back into the Chaos force's favour but just when all seemed lost for Ridefort and his Marines, the Iron Warriors withdrew but not before a stray bolter round took Ridefort in his unhelmeted head.

 

Cathal knelt by the dying Marshal, listening to his last request and in the presence of the remaining Crusaders, Ridefort declared Cathal his successor until the proper procedure could be observed. Upon Ridefort's death, Cathal declared a Crusade against the Iron Warriors and swore to avenge the fallen Marshal. While repairs to the Righteous Intolerance's engines were being made, Cathal received a communique from the Librarium. The Iron Warriors had accessed the archives during their raid, archives regarding the First Purgatory Crusade and location of the Graveyard world. Immediately, Cathal ordered the Righteous Intolerance to set course for Purgatory.

 

Upon arriving in system, the Templar's Strike Cruiser engaged the Iron Warrior's vessels in orbit around the planet. The Crusade's Terminator's teleported aboard one enemy cruiser, successfully disabling it before retreating. The other traitor vessel fled the battle to take up position on the other side of the planet. Meanwhile, the now Marshal Cathal led his Crusade force in planetfall. While getting vengeance on the Iron Warriors was one goal of the Crusade, the prevention of the pre-heresy armour and weaponry entombed in the monoliths that covered the planet from falling into enemy hands was another, more important one.

 

Feel free to criticise, I'll fix anything that requires fixing

[Firepower]

Ummm...the Iron Hands are a loyal chapter of the first founding. The Iron Warriors are the traitor legion with so much hatred for the Imperial Fists and their successors. That's the only major error i see.

 

Other curiosities:

 

Im not sure the original attack on Purgatory would be called The First Purgatory Crusade. Im not sure if that was general terminology for the IF's or if its specifically something the Templars say (in other words, if the IF's didn't call it a crusade, Im not sure the Templars would refer to it as such).

 

I dont think an entire legion of servitors would have the brains to build a johny-on-the-spot, much less a planet spanning mausoleum. A construction project that grand in scale would require a serious effort of many, many Ad Mech tech priests and other red-robed techno nerds. Though it would likely take a bit less work if the engineers simply altered the preexisting ruins of the fallen fortress, instead of building from scratch.

 

The reason for leaving in a hurry (the defense of Terra) is also a bit questionable. The IF's were able to answer the call because they were fairly close to Terra at the beginning of the Heresy (maybe even on Terra already, i cant quite recall). It's not too likely there'd be an undiscovered civilization in need of a good thorough purging right near the heart of the Great Crusade's starting point, much less one that would go so long without being reconquered once the Heresy passed.

 

Possible solutions:

 

Instead of an army of servitors, perhaps Dorn left a sizable group of chapter serfs on the world along with the colonists that naturally followed the front line expansions of the Great Crusade. Over thousands of years of building a planet spanning graveyard, perhaps lingering bitterness over an inglorious duty for an Imperium they'd long lost contact with could turn to Heresy, and the locals might find ways to summon or call the Iron Warriors. In doing so, the little fools would hope to ingratiate themselves with their new dark gods by offering one of their chosen legions an irresistible prize.

 

As for motivation to leave the planet, there Im not so sure. It would indeed have to be something of cataclysmic proportions to urge the Legion to leave in so much of a hurry. Either that, or the withdrawal might not have been urgent at all. Dorn was the boastful, prideful sort of fellow who would leave a planet sized memorial as a sort of challenge or testament to those who would oppose the Emperor. For instance, something along the lines of "Let this world stand against time itself as an eternal bastion of our righteousness, of our sacrifice and our glory in His name. Purgatory shall forever stand as a symbol of the greatest virtues brought by serving Him." etc., etc. Of course, that would then raise the question: why'd the IF forget about it and let it fade from memory or worse yet, fall to corruption. I dont have an answer for this, but i would strongly, strongly advise against having the world cut off by warp storms as a plot filler :angry: .

 

All in all, a solid start. And remember, regardless of all the little holes i couldnt resist poking into the plot, this is YOUR crusade. Make sure you're satisfaction with the crusade always takes priority over ours :down:

[Brother_Cowboy]

Its always the little holes that bring you down.

 

Another option for the 'graveyard world', would be to simply make it a shrine world. They are the same thing, more or less. The planets custodians would have continued to maintain, or at least attempt to maintain, the entire planet for generations but its more of a losing battle as with each generation the knowledge has become more bogged in superstitions what-not. You know, like the rest of the Imperium.

 

The whole 'brb, heresy' reason works, sort of. You could also pull an Aurelia and just have the planet sucked into the warp, or obscured from astropathic sight ie; the long night. It usually helps to be as vague as you can, without just leaving a gigantic plot hole in your background.

 

Either way. I liked what I read.

[Firepower]

Its always the little holes that bring you down.

 

Another option for the 'graveyard world', would be to simply make it a shrine world. They are the same thing, more or less. The planets custodians would have continued to maintain, or at least attempt to maintain, the entire planet for generations but its more of a losing battle as with each generation the knowledge has become more bogged in superstitions what-not. You know, like the rest of the Imperium.

 

The whole 'brb, heresy' reason works, sort of. You could also pull an Aurelia and just have the planet sucked into the warp, or obscured from astropathic sight ie; the long night. It usually helps to be as vague as you can, without just leaving a gigantic plot hole in your background.

 

Either way. I liked what I read.

 

The "brb, heresy" note just about made me pee myself ;) . At any rate, I have to admit i dismissed the Warp based disappearance a bit off hand. On further thought, you could actually do this in a way that wasnt quite so cliche as it's become over the years. Blind, random warp storms that just so happen to conveniently cut off a world until it becomes a useful plot point again are not the way to go. However, if it was a deliberate act of revenge by the Chaos gods, a la Calliban, it could fly.

 

For instance: In the many years following the reclamation of Purgatory after the purging by the Imperial Fists, the insidious roots of treason and heresy once more began to bear fruit amongst the planet's local population. Seeing their opportunity to strike at the pride of the hated Fists, the Chaos gods lavished their gifts upon their new followers, eventually leaving Purgatory plunged into a civil war between loyalist and mutant heretics. Worse yet, the dark gods sent their mightiest of minions, the Traitor Marine Iron Warriors to lead the rebellion and bring Purgatory into their dominion. The newly formed Black Templars joined their parent legion in the attempt to reclaim the holy world from this taint, and as war raged day after day it soon became clear that Purgatory would once more fall into the God Emperor's hands. Infuriated, the dark gods and their dreaded elite legion summoned foul sorceries, and plunged the war torn world into the void, taking those loyal marines still left on the surface into the warp with it.

 

Now, millenia later, the world has returned, and a constantly looped message echoes through the warp. "Come, sons of the cowardly Dorn, come and see the shame of your primarch in all its sweet glory. Come and see Purgatory, our bastion, and wallow in your impotence as you try to pry it from our iron grasp. Purgatory, and its treasures, belong to the Iron Warriors and Chaos, and there is nothing you can do to change that."

 

Sort of like a Fortress of Pain 2.0 plot :P Not only would this leave the graveyard world rife with the (probably tainted) treasures of the first buried IF's, but any relics or goodies lost when Templars still on Purgatory were sucked into the warp with the planet.

 

Sorry, by the way, if Im overstepping myself by writing all this, but Im really having fun with this idea

[Son of Cathal]

Ummm...the Iron Hands are a loyal chapter of the first founding. The Iron Warriors are the traitor legion with so much hatred for the Imperial Fists and their successors. That's the only major error i see.

 

Other curiosities:

 

Im not sure the original attack on Purgatory would be called The First Purgatory Crusade. Im not sure if that was general terminology for the IF's or if its specifically something the Templars say (in other words, if the IF's didn't call it a crusade, Im not sure the Templars would refer to it as such).

 

I dont think an entire legion of servitors would have the brains to build a johny-on-the-spot, much less a planet spanning mausoleum. A construction project that grand in scale would require a serious effort of many, many Ad Mech tech priests and other red-robed techno nerds. Though it would likely take a bit less work if the engineers simply altered the preexisting ruins of the fallen fortress, instead of building from scratch.

 

The reason for leaving in a hurry (the defense of Terra) is also a bit questionable. The IF's were able to answer the call because they were fairly close to Terra at the beginning of the Heresy (maybe even on Terra already, i cant quite recall). It's not too likely there'd be an undiscovered civilization in need of a good thorough purging right near the heart of the Great Crusade's starting point, much less one that would go so long without being reconquered once the Heresy passed.

 

Possible solutions:

 

Instead of an army of servitors, perhaps Dorn left a sizable group of chapter serfs on the world along with the colonists that naturally followed the front line expansions of the Great Crusade. Over thousands of years of building a planet spanning graveyard, perhaps lingering bitterness over an inglorious duty for an Imperium they'd long lost contact with could turn to Heresy, and the locals might find ways to summon or call the Iron Warriors. In doing so, the little fools would hope to ingratiate themselves with their new dark gods by offering one of their chosen legions an irresistible prize.

 

As for motivation to leave the planet, there Im not so sure. It would indeed have to be something of cataclysmic proportions to urge the Legion to leave in so much of a hurry. Either that, or the withdrawal might not have been urgent at all. Dorn was the boastful, prideful sort of fellow who would leave a planet sized memorial as a sort of challenge or testament to those who would oppose the Emperor. For instance, something along the lines of "Let this world stand against time itself as an eternal bastion of our righteousness, of our sacrifice and our glory in His name. Purgatory shall forever stand as a symbol of the greatest virtues brought by serving Him." etc., etc. Of course, that would then raise the question: why'd the IF forget about it and let it fade from memory or worse yet, fall to corruption. I dont have an answer for this, but i would strongly, strongly advise against having the world cut off by warp storms as a plot filler :lol: .

 

All in all, a solid start. And remember, regardless of all the little holes i couldnt resist poking into the plot, this is YOUR crusade. Make sure you're satisfaction with the crusade always takes priority over ours :D

 

Ooh, that's rather embarassing. Fixed it. I meant the Iron Warriors, I just get Fulgrim and Ferrus Manus mixed up sometimes.

 

I thought about whether or not to call it the First Purgatory Crusade. In the end I wan the Templar's to be the one's who declared it the First Crusade and it is the Templar's who are following their parent Chapter and completing what Dorn was never able to.

 

I'm still working on the reason for leaving. When it comes to leaving their brethren behind it had to be something tantamount to a call for God or the God Emperor as the case may be.

 

I was under the impression that the servitors coukld be programmed to do just about anything if required?

[Marshal Rohr]

The Imperial Fists were recalled back to Terra immediatly following Ullanor. Dorn travelled with Horus for a little while afterwords then went on one more campaign I believe against an already documented enemy, then he returned to Terra but was caught in the Warp Storms, then he found Garro.... etc

[Firepower]

I meant the Iron Warriors, I just get Fulgrim and Ferrus Manus mixed up sometimes.

 

I thought about whether or not to call it the First Purgatory Crusade. In the end I wan the Templar's to be the one's who declared it the First Crusade and it is the Templar's who are following their parent Chapter and completing what Dorn was never able to.

 

I'm still working on the reason for leaving. When it comes to leaving their brethren behind it had to be something tantamount to a call for God or the God Emperor as the case may be.

 

I was under the impression that the servitors coukld be programmed to do just about anything if required?

 

Errr...Fulgrim is the primarch of the Emperor's Children, Perturabo is the primarch of the Iron Warriors. Batting 1000 so far bud ;) .

 

As for servitors, they're very, very basic in capabilities. In Helsreach, for instance, there's one that walks around with a broken broom scratching at the floor, simply because he was programmed to sweep until the floor was clean, and doesnt have the brains to realize the end of the broom is broken off. They work fine for specific, predictable jobs (turn that crank, screw this in, etc.) but something as abstract as planning and carrying out construction independently, nope. Still, serfs are a dime a dozen, so I doubt the IF's would feel too bad about leaving a bunch behind to monitor and guide the servitors through the construction.

[Son of Cathal]

I meant the Iron Warriors, I just get Fulgrim and Ferrus Manus mixed up sometimes.

 

I thought about whether or not to call it the First Purgatory Crusade. In the end I wan the Templar's to be the one's who declared it the First Crusade and it is the Templar's who are following their parent Chapter and completing what Dorn was never able to.

 

I'm still working on the reason for leaving. When it comes to leaving their brethren behind it had to be something tantamount to a call for God or the God Emperor as the case may be.

 

I was under the impression that the servitors coukld be programmed to do just about anything if required?

 

Errr...Fulgrim is the primarch of the Emperor's Children, Perturabo is the primarch of the Iron Warriors. Batting 1000 so far bud :lol: .

 

As for servitors, they're very, very basic in capabilities. In Helsreach, for instance, there's one that walks around with a broken broom scratching at the floor, simply because he was programmed to sweep until the floor was clean, and doesnt have the brains to realize the end of the broom is broken off. They work fine for specific, predictable jobs (turn that crank, screw this in, etc.) but something as abstract as planning and carrying out construction independently, nope. Still, serfs are a dime a dozen, so I doubt the IF's would feel too bad about leaving a bunch behind to monitor and guide the servitors through the construction.

 

That one I did know, but I'm just going to shut my mouth now and stop embarrassing myself.

 

On the servitors thing, the serfs idea is good. I'll edit it when I get a chance