Cpt_Reaper Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Untitled Two massive vessels exited the Warp at exactly the same time, hundreds of thousands of kilometres away from the Inquisitorial star fort. Such a distance was required for the pair of warships to remain unseen from the long-range auspex arrays of the station. One vessel, an ancient Strike Cruiser of pale white and brilliant gold and adorned with a myriad of symbols that caused the eyes to water, swarmed with a wing of fighter-class ships. Lightnings, Thunderbolts and the heretical Hell Talon and Hell Blade craft. The other vessel, a stolen Battle Barge, it's colour like blood shining in the moonlight. More craft surrounded the larger vessel, several strike vessels and missile craft. This was no random attack but a carefully planned assault, a message to the Inquisition. The message was clear, and would be written in blood. The commanders of the attacking vessels stood in the Battle Barge's command room, a balcony overlooking the bridge. The commander of the Battle Barge, an Astartes in armour the same colour of the ship stood with arms crossed as he regarded his allies. Betroeger of the 7th Summoning was a man who knew that to trust those in the service of the Dark Ones was to invite disaster, but these Angels of Light had been recommended by his peers. Standing at the front of the three Astartes from the Angels of Light stood Sulln Avitus, his lank hair draped over his armour and giant wings folded around his shoulders. On his right stood a warrior in ancient Mk III “Iron” Armour, Kratos of the Iron Warriors and the man in charge of the logistics of the assault. To Sulln's left stood Kriaan the Swift, an original Angel of Light and who would lead the assault. The power the trio expressed was more than a challenge, it was a warning. 'Tell me, Betroeger,' began Sulln, his voice barely above a hiss. 'You know why we are participating in this little coup, other than the payment you seek why are you willingly attacking an Inquisitorial star-fort? Your force will take heavy casualties as will mine, the difference is that losses do not affect my warband, whereas losses are not welcome to you as I understand it.' 'You know of the bastard who condemned us? That Inquisitor?' spat Betroeger. 'Indeed I do. I also know your former Chapter Master beheaded him.' 'Well his protege is aboard that fort. It was he that called the Inquisition to attack our homeworld, and it is he who is seeking to declare Exterminatus on every one of the worlds we have fought on.' 'Seems a bit brash, even for an Imperial dog of that calibre,' replied Sulln with chuckle. 'Sounds like a waste of effort to me.' 'Feth you Chaos scum!' roared Betroeger. 'I will rend his head from his shoulders, and if you get in my way I will part yours from your neck too!' 'Hold your tongue, dog!' barked Kriaan as he stepped forward to place himself between Sulln and Betroeger. 'You may be the mercenary here, but you are in no way in charge of the coming assault.' 'I will lead the attack!' roared Betroeger, losing his calm for a moment. Kratos intervened to prevent the inevitable bloodshed. 'Brothers, we are all equal here. Betroeger, I understand your apprehension at working with servants of the dark gods. I myself dislike such things, but the Angels of Light are trustworthy as any. You have my word that you will lead the assault with myself. Kriaan will assist when I summon him.' Kriaan shot Kratos a look of poison, but backed down seeing the value of his brother's motion. 'Now gentlemen, let us talk payment,' began Sulln, breaking his silence. 'Betroeger, I believe control of the star fort would benefit your warband greatly. Also the head of the Inquisitor you seek is rightfully yours. I ask that the Angels of Light impose but one condition on you and your warriors.' 'What is your demand? Keep in mind that I am the mercenary and you will abide my terms' replied Betroeger coldly. 'Excellent,' Sulln whispered with a sinister grin. 'You have motivation, and the determination to carry it out. That's why I like you Betroeger, you would make a fine Lord of your own warband one day.' The comment hung in the air like a foul stench, sinking into Betroeger's psyche. 'I ask that an item that resides in the fort be taken into our custody. Before you ask, it is no chaos infused item. It is a data-slate that contains information I myself recorded when I still was counted among the Imperial dogs.' 'What is on the slate? Why is such a small thing so valuable to you?' Betroeger questioned. A sly smile crossed the face of Sulln. 'Never you mind brother. I seek not to use the contained information but to destroy it. Perhaps when this is over I will divulge the secrets contained within, until then you just concentrate on your part.' A daemonic servant of Sulln suddenly appeared at it's master's side. It said not a word, but the message was clear. The assault was to begin shortly. Sulln nodded to his lieutenants and together they headed to leave the room. As Sulln passed Betroeger he leaned in close so that only the pair would hear the words whispered. 'I see great things for you mercenary. Remember that fighting for physical gain is grand, but personal gain has a taste so much sweeter.' When the fallen angel exited the room Betroeger was left with a metallic taste in his mouth. He turned to stare at the black dagger on the wall, the emblem of the Wraiths of Darkness. He had almost fallen to the silver tongue of one held in thrall by the Dark Ones, never again would their words corrupt him. Today he would have his vengeance, or die trying. Then nobody would question his worth again. 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Nacho Wolf Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Nice start, I particularly like how you have made it so Betroeger is rebel but not chaos. Looking forward to more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt_Reaper Posted December 17, 2010 Author Share Posted December 17, 2010 Well thats how Dark Apostle Thirst portrayed them in his IA article, so I wanted that to be a major aspect. Also, keep an eye out for the hired allies of my own Warband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyner Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Pretty good so far. I spotted a couple of typos: Today he was enjoying the fruits of his labour, enjoying the view from the orbital start fortress Should be star fort? seeing a swarm of the rocks flying straight at the start-fort. Then again here. Keep it coming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Hmmm... I like ^_^ I'll PM you my more detailed comments on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 For the love of your personal diety of choice.. Changes the names! Nothing kills the belief like reading about "Trevor Jackson".. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt_Reaper Posted December 19, 2010 Author Share Posted December 19, 2010 He and the other guardsmen/Officers have regular names like you or I. I want to focus on the Astartes and not have the reader get attached to a future puddle of blood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nacho Wolf Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 Where can I find Dark Apostal Thirsts IA? it seems pretty interesting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 Right here... http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...howtopic=197313 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nacho Wolf Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 Cheers, Its a very good read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 Cheers, Its a very good read Merci, I try and keep my IAs/ITs fairly interesting ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 Really liking the story <_< Looking forward to an update too! Ludovic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt_Reaper Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 update #1 will be posted soon. proceed to lean forward in expectation :mellow: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nacho Wolf Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 *Picks himself up off the floor* Damn you! I lent forward to far Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 *Picks himself up off the floor* Damn you! I lent forward to far :lol: You've made my day. Ludovic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt_Reaper Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 due to a minor file error and some serious writers block the update will be a bit late. sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt_Reaper Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 I have re-written the story to be much shorter and not include the assault itself. Rather I wanted to capture the bargining of the two warbands and establish the "Mercenary" feel of the Wraiths of Darkness as well as the varied nature of their clients. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I have re-written the story to be much shorter and not include the assault itself. Rather I wanted to capture the bargining of the two warbands and establish the "Mercenary" feel of the Wraiths of Darkness as well as the varied nature of their clients. All is well... the story complete... I am satisfied with the Wraiths of Darkness as they are. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt_Reaper Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Nice. Now I just need a title :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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