BLACK BLΠFLY Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Here is a link to a 40k short story I'm currently writing over on the 40k Wrecking Crew forums: http://40kwreckingcrew.aceboard.com/331128...ort-fiction.htm It's about a race of eldar Exodites living on a beautiful maiden world that have a close encounter with an ancient Librarian from a Blood Angels successor chapter, the Blood Saints. The Blood Saint is mentioned in their mythos as an avatar of destruction that will either save their race or doom them all. It's been fun to write and will be wrapped up soon. If you enjoy 40k fan fiction you might like it. G ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLACK BLΠFLY Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 Any constructive comments would be appreciated. :P G ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLACK BLΠFLY Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Just added a couple more installments... :tu: G ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnorriSnorrison Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Hey Black Orange, I found your story a very interesting read, especially the plot was very well done. I'm not through the whole story because it's quite massive, but I enjoy your style and the idea behind this piece of fiction. I would also like to add a bit of criticism, if you don't mind. the beginning of the story was a little bit plain. Not the part with Alric and Alissa sitting at the pond, that's quite nice, actually. No, the part where the golden armour arises all of a sudden from the depth and is reactivated by a single touch, the omniscient psyker rushing through the history of a hundred years in a few moments...I'm just saying, this is the part where the flow stumbles a bit. Still, well done! I'm really excited about the outcome of the story. ;) Snorri Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLACK BLΠFLY Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks for that bit of feedback Snorri... that is very helpful for me. :P G :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taranis Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I like it a lot. Was a bit confused about the children, wether they were human. Will comment more when not using my phone. T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taranis Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Still using my phone. I like the story a lot. Particularly the nobility of those not afflicted by "evil" A few things to improve: More emphasis on racial, cultural and language differences. The main character is a bit too omnipotent. A few large gaps between "chapters". I still like it a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLACK BLΠFLY Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thanks for the feedback - it's very helpful for me. I'll keep it in mind the next time I write another story. Thanks again. G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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