Firepower Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Guilliman Speaks On the world of Macragge, In the great sacred room, The mood was quite strange, With no grimdark or gloom. The great day had come, After the great holiday week, For the Lord of Macragge, To awaken and speak. They had done it twice now, The great goodies in blue, To hear just one more sentence, From the one voice they found true. The first long ago, He rasped out mightily “I” Before they plugged him back in, Lest the great voice surely die. And once more since that day, It made all the buzz, When the Lord of Macragge, Followed the “I,” with a “was.” “I was! I was!” Now the time to find out, Just what their great Lord, Was wheezing about. And so in the grim future, The grim boys in blue, Ate some grim cake, And sniffed ye Grim Superglue. The revelry, the joy, The prayers and songs of penance, The preparations were made, Now for their lives to make sense. And so the great goodies in blue, Gathered ‘round his glowing tomb, And with a yank of the plug, The great glow left the room. The Primarch, the Savior, The Author, the Master, Lifted his mighty brainy head, Wrapped in skin pale as plaster. And with a wheeze of the dead, His voice sank onto the throng, As his weary voice announced, His last word to be “wrong.” “I was wrong?!” squealed the blue boys, Their meaning undone, Their purpose in question, Macragge frozen still ‘neath the sun. And with one brave stroke, One moment of thought, They left the Lord unplugged, Left to stand there and rot. And ‘lo and behold, The world’s power consumption, Was cut down triple fold, From one moment of gumption. The boys in blue began to think, What else was a mistake? What had Roboutte gotten wrong, Or what else, at any rate? They tossed out the Codex, Strewn its pages across the floor, And the children of Macragge, Had paper to draw on once more. The kiddies’ minds fully sated, Their creativity nourished, They grew to run Macragge, And Ultramar’s people flourished. And yet more, they thought, The word “Ultra” we should lose, Lest we sound like the Blood Angels, And prance ‘round in Ultra-hats and Ultra-shoes! And lo and behold, With the pompous title dropped, Much hate from the Traitor, Ork, and Eldar, It all suddenly stopped. The blue goodies could now realize, They had never once thunk, And with their brainy caps on, Discovered that even their farts stunk. And all the while they grew, And with all they came to know, Far away, to himself, A son of Dorn grumbled “Told them so.” :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseDaMoose Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Ahahaha brilliant! Prepare for Legatus and The Emperor's Champion to come complaining though :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominicus Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I love it! I have nothing against the Ultras personally, but when true poetry and amazing humor comes along like this, I can't help but to LOL! However, this will likely herald many "blue boys" showing up on your doorstep to show you a few tricks written on the back cover of the Codex Astartes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gree Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 ...........So you write a rather unflattering little poem of the Ultramarines and post it up? Color me unimpressed. I rarely hand out negative reviews, but I think I'll make an exception for this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominicus Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 ...........So you write a rather unflattering little poem of the Ultramarines and post it up? Color me unimpressed. I rarely hand out negative reviews, but I think I'll make an exception for this one. And your reason for dislike is...? I hadn't thought of you as an Ultramarine defender. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gree Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 And your reason for dislike is...? I don't enjoy works that bash other chapters. Even myself when writing chapters I dislike try and give them their due at least. I hadn't thought of you as an Ultramarine defender. You don't know me very well do you? I've always rated Ultramarines as my favorite Legion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nacho Wolf Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Okayyy, I didnt think it would be necessary to point this out but... ITS A JOKE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gree Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Okayyy, I didnt think it would be necessary to point this out but... ITS A JOKE! Oh, I'm quite aware of that. Still not amused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nacho Wolf Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I've noticed your not amused, but I think your making a problem out of nothing, Firepower made a poem, you didnt like it, you said so and that should have been the end of it, live and let live mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gree Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I've noticed your not amused, but I think your making a problem out of nothing, Firepower made a poem, you didnt like it, you said so and that should have been the end of it, live and let live mate I did actually. Then another poster asked me why I did't like it, then I responded to his question. I don't see the problem. When a person asks me a question I feel obligated to respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firepower Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 Ahh, unintended consequences. Yeah, I was just feeling a bit snippy, can't recall exactly what but something or another had me doing my usual wardance in my head, and this just seemed like a half clever way to vent. Though I'm all for equality, maybe I'll make this a series of tease-the-chapter once a week :P . My brother Templars could use a little rib jabbing if nothing else. Or maybe I should just quit while I'm sorta-kinda-slightly ahead :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I like it. It's a light-hearted take on what many "Ultra Haters" would consider the flaws of that Chapter. Is it insulting? No. Will everyone be amused? No. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piousservant Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Nice to see something a bit different. Yes, you should definately do a series of them. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Odsox Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I like this. This bit of Seuss-ness. +1 Internets for use of the word "gumption". I don't read this as Ultra-bashing, it's obviously a light-hearted poke at the boys in blue based on the silly stylings of Dr. Seuss. Looking forward to one about Dark Angels. They could seriously use a bit of cheerful wordplay. Am I the only one who genuinely wants to know what Ultra-shoes are and where I can get a pair? Od. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firepower Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 Well, I'm comforted that the feedback is more light hearted than i first felt. No, this was not meant to be a super Ultra-bashing bit. I wouldn't have bothered with prose if I wanted to do that. I'm glad the Seuss vibe was noticed, too: grimcake and ultra-shoes were sort of heavy handed hints :lol: . Dark Angels sounds good. Maybe a spoof on one fish two fish... ^_^ . i think the Templars will have to go next though, just for the sake of proving my own beloved chapter is not beyond whimsical ridicule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseDaMoose Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Here, here Sir Firepower! Gree, it was hardly bashing the Ultras, it's just a bit of fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 That was brilliant. Bashing other chapters is brilliant. It's healthy banter! Darkchild Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gree Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Gree, it was hardly bashing the Ultras, it's just a bit of fun! Guess what? I did't see it that way. Nor am I amused. People seem to have a rather hard time accepting my opinion on this. I have already given it and stated my reasons twice now. I don't see why people keep on bringing it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firepower Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 Yeah, sorry Gree. Again, this was not meant to be insulting. If you're not amused, as in you simply didn't find it funny, perfectly understandable. There is no one joke that will make every audience laugh. Likewise, if by "not amused," you mean offended, again, that was not the intent, and I apologize for undue hurt feelings. You're perfectly entitled to your opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seahawk Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I think the problem may be that you started with Ultramarines, the boringly typical scape-goat for all marine ventings. Perhaps if the series had started with a few others before getting to this one it'd contain more amusement in the stylized take. I'd strongly encourage hitting every first founding chapter in a similar fashion; having a broad title like "Suessian take on Grimdark" to hold it all would be great. Good work on the rhyming though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gree Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Yeah, sorry Gree. Again, this was not meant to be insulting. If you're not amused, as in you simply didn't find it funny, perfectly understandable. There is no one joke that will make every audience laugh. Likewise, if by "not amused," you mean offended, again, that was not the intent, and I apologize for undue hurt feelings. You're perfectly entitled to your opinion. It's not so much as that. It's that people keep on bringing it up after I thought I resolved the issue and explained my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firepower Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 I think the problem may be that you started with Ultramarines, the boringly typical scape-goat for all marine ventings. Perhaps if the series had started with a few others before getting to this one it'd contain more amusement in the stylized take. A very good point, though hindsight is 20/20. I'd strongly encourage hitting every first founding chapter in a similar fashion; having a broad title like "Suessian take on Grimdark" to hold it all would be great. A good idea. I'll edit accordingly. I think I'll actually have to go back and read some old Dr. Seuss at some point to draw up enough inspiration to do every 1st founding. Good work on the rhyming though. Actually, I still think I was a bit sloppy in some areas, but I'll gladly take the compliment. :( It's not so much as that. It's that people keep on bringing it up after I thought I resolved the issue and explained my opinion. I could see how that would be annoying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseDaMoose Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Rawr. Would you relax Queen Victoria I was just trying to diffuse the situation. You should probably check with the doctor for that stick up your butt though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firepower Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 Rawr. Would you relax Queen Victoria I was just trying to diffuse the situation. You should probably check with the doctor for that stick up your butt though. Not helping man. Really, let him have his opinion, and let my work speak for itself. Situations have a way of diffusing themselves if you stop poking them with a stick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gree Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Rawr. Would you relax Queen Victoria I was just trying to diffuse the situation. You should probably check with the doctor for that stick up your butt though. So in other words you have trouble tolerating other people's opinions even when it's repeatedly stated and explained. Oh, and making petty insults is not going to help at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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