The Rainbow Warriors

[Aqui]

I can find no fault with what you have writen up until now on the basis of posibility in the 40k universe. What I would advise is to read it a few times and try and get the "tenses" flowing so to speak. In one sentence you are writing in a past tense, then abruptly you change into present in the next and then back into past in the third. Though I know this is still a formative phase it might be worthwile to start inserting differenec into text so your load would be lesser later.

 

e.g.

Once an aspirant has been chosen, they are required to succeed a trial to further ensure their suitability. It is usually undertaken in parts, what the Chapter refers to as Aspects of the Primarch - Cunning, Strength, Endurance and above all Speed.

 

Once Aspirants have passed the Trials, they are inducted to a Clan, similar to that of a Standard Marine Company. Like their Progenitor Chapter, recruits from different Native Clans are mixed together to ensure a common bond and Loyalty.

 

The other once could maybe be changed for a "Following the passage of the Trials..."

 

 

Cheers

 

D'oh! :tu: I'm usually able to weed that kind of thing out. I'll get that corrected when I have a chance.

 

Thanks! :lol:

[Aduros]

Bringers of Diffraction??????????????????????????????????

[Dosjetka]

I skimmed through the IA on the first page and I enjoyed what I read. I'll try and find some time soon to provide a bit of C&C :) In the meantime, is there an update planned?

 

Ludovic

[Aqui]

I skimmed through the IA on the first page and I enjoyed what I read. I'll try and find some time soon to provide a bit of C&C :) In the meantime, is there an update planned?

 

Ludovic

 

There will be :D

 

However, as an extension of the "Ten things about your Chapter" thread, I'm currently writing about one of the Characters, Brother-Captain Varagol (mentioned in the Lexicanum's entry of the RW). I've got a week or so off from work, so I should at least be able to get something done. I'm also tentatively thinking about rewriting the Steel Wings (again :) ) as they're my "Flag-ship" Chapter, and they haven't had any love for over a year or more.

 

Once I've tackled the mountain of washing, hoovering etc that's piled up in the flat, I'll have a look at all four later using the TTAYC method ^_^

 

Probably later this afternoon :huh:

[Dosjetka]

Isn't Varagol the one in your story in the Short Stories section? I haven't read that in some time (will have to go back and read it soon!), so I'm not sure.

 

Anyway, good luck with your Chapters and I look forward to reading about your Steel Wings :)

 

Ludovic

[Aqui]

Isn't Varagol the one in your story in the Short Stories section? I haven't read that in some time (will have to go back and read it soon!), so I'm not sure.

 

Anyway, good luck with your Chapters and I look forward to reading about your Steel Wings ;)

 

Ludovic

 

Correct :)

 

Taking advice from that other thread, I decided what the mindset of a typical Marine of the Chapter would be. I think that to get any further with the Chapters/Warbands I'm working on should have a "Ten things" list at the beginning so I can bear it in mind :)

 

Speaking of which......

[Aqui]

Okay, I've gone through the first entry, and whilst I have no doubt that there will be Typos in there somewhere, I really can't think of what else I need to include to finish them off. I know that they aren't finished, but short of filling it with "example battles" etc, I'm stuck (again :D )

 

I have a week off to get these guys (and the others) to somewhere near complete and I get writers block again! :P

[Dosjetka]

I've just read through it and I must say that I do like it very much :) But as you say, it is not complete. However, it is getting there, you just need to add more flesh to the skeleton! I'll go through it again a couple of times in the coming days and propose some ideas as to what you could add.

 

Good luck!

 

Ludovic

[Aqui]

I've just read through it and I must say that I do like it very much :P But as you say, it is not complete. However, it is getting there, you just need to add more flesh to the skeleton! I'll go through it again a couple of times in the coming days and propose some ideas as to what you could add.

 

Good luck!

 

Ludovic

 

Thank you :)

 

I'm off to get a coffee and see if I can see what I need to add. I may have a wander at some of the other members IA/IT's to see if I can get any inspiration....

[Dosjetka]

A good idea! I'll keep an eye out for your other stuff too and try and give you some meaningful C&C :)

 

Ludovic

[Aqui]

This post is going to be rather jumbled, but I'd rather post everything that occurs to me here and then put it all in later after I've had time to review it all.

 

Battle of Astra Spectra xxx.M39

 

I've decided in M39 as I want a battle that was a fair while ago, as I've tentatively decided they were founded in the 10th (I had wanted to fix them in the Second or Third Founding due to them being in Rogue Trader, but I'm not so sure how that would go down, plus I wanted to avoid any canon conflicts - after all if they did originate from that time, then they'd be more well known wouldn't they ;) ;) ) Founding, and that events were building up to this from that point on.

 

Anyhoo.... the outline of the battle is:

 

A company of Legio Spectra are patrolling the region of Astra Spectra (their home system) and come across a Cabal of Dark Eldar. As they have sworn to eradicate this particular Xeno they pursue and corner them on a Planet at the edge of the system. For reasons unknown to the LS the Dark Eldar orbit this Planet and make landing upon it. The DE realise that the LS are not going to let their ships escape, most have been damaged, from a previous encounter with Eldar (Alaitoc? Am undecided as yet.) and in no fit state to run. Knowing that there is a Webway portal on the Planet, they decide to lure the LS on their ships and as they escape planet side blow the ships to atoms. The LS don't board the ships and instead call upon rest of the Chapter from the Home world. The DE are hurriedly making repairs to the Webway generators (or whatever their called) and are now stuck. They can not return to the ships as they have been crippled or destroyed. They have to make a last ditch stand where they are, but won't go down without a fight.

 

As far as I know, DE can use Eldar tech (at least in the fluff), so this seems the most plausible scenario. The LS DP in and attack in the only way they know, hit and run attacks, bikes etc.

 

Characters:

 

Brother-Captain Varagol (Add some blurb about him)

 

Chief Librarian Eh'Tor (ditoo)

 

Master of the Forge Brun'El

 

Chapter Master (name to be decided, as I have one name in this IA and I think I've given him another name in the short story I'm working on :P I'll have to work out which one I like better, or scrap them and give him a different one altogether....)

 

Maybe a short piece on the Ritual of Colour (Ranking system) that they use which gave them their nick (Low Gothic) name.....

[Olis]

In regard to the founding - I think you'd be able to get away with third. If not, why not place them as near that time as you can - in the fourth founding. :D

[Aqui]

In regard to the founding - I think you'd be able to get away with third. If not, why not place them as near that time as you can - in the fourth founding. :D

 

:D

 

Good point, although of course if I do set them that far back, it means that I have that much more fluff to write! :lol:

[Olis]

You know you want to. :D

[Dosjetka]

I'm curious to know why the whole Chapter is called to fight. Was it such a big threat? I know that Dark Eldar aren't really the type to do massed attacks (they're very hit-and-run, like the Rainbow Warriors :lol:) and so there wouldn't be many of them. But it would be quite a nice example where you could show how your Chapter fights against an enemy with similar combat tactics.

 

My two pence worth,

 

Ludovic

[Aqui]

I'm curious to know why the whole Chapter is called to fight. Was it such a big threat? I know that Dark Eldar aren't really the type to do massed attacks (they're very hit-and-run, like the Rainbow Warriors ;)) and so there wouldn't be many of them. But it would be quite a nice example where you could show how your Chapter fights against an enemy with similar combat tactics.

 

My two pence worth,

 

Ludovic

 

I'm under the impression that the DE are responsible for Jaghatai Khan's disappearance, so the chance of taking down a whole Cabal (or the vast majority of it) and using prisoners to interrogate for any info on the Primarch's whereabouts is a chance too good to miss. I kinda envisioned the DE frantically trying to get the Webway working, the same way someone is trying to get a door open when there's someone chasing them.

 

"Get the Gorram door open!"

 

"I'm trying, I can't find the right key!" :P

 

They're already reeling from a butt kicking from an Eldar Craftworld (or other Xenos), and they got in the path of the LS. Panicking, they head to the nearest world with a webway, try to divert the LS's attention by trying to lure them on board at least one of their vessels rigged to blow. It fails, so the only chance they have left is to be in the open against a Marine Chapter that A Hates them with even more passion than other Chapters, B are Marines specializing in fast attacks on bikes etc on open ground (plenty of room to get a decent run up...) and C Hates them B)

 

It's still only an idea, so it could change to something else entirely, but as one of the reasons the LS are out in that area of space is because of both the Eldar and Dark Eldar being there, I thought it more logical to have them vehemently chasing after them, than inexplicably going after Orks, which according the Map I'm working with, the nearest Ork activity is nearly half a sector away.

 

I suppose I could change it so that it re-reads that a significant portion of the Chapter is called to fight them.... don't want it to be too easy for them now do I? ;)

[Dosjetka]

But then you'd have to explain why your whole Chapter was at your home world in the first place and to me, it stretches things a bit... But if you like the idea, then do go ahead with it. I was just saying that you should maybe reduce the numbers somewhat, especially since they aren't even a whole Cabal :blink: But if they were a whole one, then a full Chapter intervention would be more plausible :P

 

Ludovic

[Aqui]

But then you'd have to explain why your whole Chapter was at your home world in the first place and to me, it stretches things a bit... But if you like the idea, then do go ahead with it. I was just saying that you should maybe reduce the numbers somewhat, especially since they aren't even a whole Cabal :blink: But if they were a whole one, then a full Chapter intervention would be more plausible :P

 

Ludovic

 

I've been reading up on the Dark Eldar, to see if I can establish how such an army operates. Whilst I don't have anything concrete, I don't think that an entire Cabal would go out preying on ships etc, especially when they have limited numbers. The key to this I think would be to find a plausible reason why they'd all be in one place. Perhaps they find a relic that would set them up for a lot of power, or Vect kicked them all out and have to stay in the Material Universe than stay at Commorrah. I think the later would be a better way forward....

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I think the later would be a better way forward....

 

I don't find it that plausible, personally, because for the Dark Kin it has always seemed to be very much "kill or die" and that kind of exile seems a little.. soft. If Vect was offended enough to exile them then he'd more likely kill them; you don't get his reputation you send flowers when you hear your enemy is ill.

[Dosjetka]

I don't find it that plausible, personally, because for the Dark Kin it has always seemed to be very much "kill or die" and that kind of exile seems a little.. soft. If Vect was offended enough to exile them then he'd more likely kill them; you don't get his reputation you send flowers when you hear your enemy is ill.

A good point, that.

 

Ludovic

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I don't find it that plausible, personally, because for the Dark Kin it has always seemed to be very much "kill or die" and that kind of exile seems a little.. soft. If Vect was offended enough to exile them then he'd more likely kill them; you don't get his reputation you send flowers when you hear your enemy is ill.

A good point, that.

 

Ludovic

 

I'm full of them, most of the time i get half way through typing and give up though ;)

 

 

Another avenue to explore is the following:

 

Give them a more turbulent beginning to their operations. As many failures as victories until they finally lose some important relic or planet and the shame of that defeat - even when suffered by just a few - casts a pall over the whole Chapter. The Chapter Master sees your situation, whatever it is, as an ideal way to achieve something important, expunging that shame, and so calls as much of the Chapter together as he can to gain the victory.

[Aqui]

I don't find it that plausible, personally, because for the Dark Kin it has always seemed to be very much "kill or die" and that kind of exile seems a little.. soft. If Vect was offended enough to exile them then he'd more likely kill them; you don't get his reputation you send flowers when you hear your enemy is ill.

A good point, that.

 

Ludovic

 

I'm full of them, most of the time i get half way through typing and give up though ;)

 

 

Another avenue to explore is the following:

 

Give them a more turbulent beginning to their operations. As many failures as victories until they finally lose some important relic or planet and the shame of that defeat - even when suffered by just a few - casts a pall over the whole Chapter. The Chapter Master sees your situation, whatever it is, as an ideal way to achieve something important, expunging that shame, and so calls as much of the Chapter together as he can to gain the victory.

 

Or to take the last idea a step further. The Cabal (or elements of it) led by Archon [insert name] raids Pochutec itself, helps himself to some of the natives, gives the proverbial finger and enrages the Chapter Master of the time, who for the next x amount of years decides he wants to take the Archon out - permanently. Slowly, but surely the Cabal's strength is weakened through attrition of numbers and the fact that most of the Dark Eldar are getting weaker due to not taking enough slaves to feed on. In one last desperate gambit, he raids another world in the region, but the LS are there already, and start taking names....

 

It might work - it would see the LS as a Chapter taking it's first steps (making mistakes on the way) eventually being able to stop the Archon in the long run. I might even have it that it takes so long that the Chapter has had two or more Chapter Masters in the time it's taken to eradicate them....I could also include that the hatred of the Cabal is causing the Chapter Master(s) and the Chapter as a whole to commit too much time hunting them and not defending worlds from other threats.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Or to take the last idea a step further. The Cabal (or elements of it) led by Archon [insert name] raids Pochutec itself, helps himself to some of the natives, gives the proverbial finger and enrages the Chapter Master of the time, who for the next x amount of years decides he wants to take the Archon out - permanently. Slowly, but surely the Cabal's strength is weakened through attrition of numbers and the fact that most of the Dark Eldar are getting weaker due to not taking enough slaves to feed on. In one last desperate gambit, he raids another world in the region, but the LS are there already, and start taking names....

 

It might work - it would see the LS as a Chapter taking it's first steps (making mistakes on the way) eventually being able to stop the Archon in the long run. I might even have it that it takes so long that the Chapter has had two or more Chapter Masters in the time it's taken to eradicate them....I could also include that the hatred of the Cabal is causing the Chapter Master(s) and the Chapter as a whole to commit too much time hunting them and not defending worlds from other threats.

 

It makes a good story, that I'll give you, sirrah, but it has one glaring weakness; few enemies possess the resources, let alone the madness, to take on the might of a Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes where it is strongest - remember, "A Marines home is his castle!"

[Paradigm]

I always thought the rainbow warriors were based on UH Manoa's football team which was the Rainbow Warriors in the eighties and part of the nineties. I know it's an American college, but space marines seemed to take a lot of their heraldry from American Football. Granted UH's colors are green and white. They did have rainbows on their helmets for a long time.

 

I would really like to see more Hawai'ian elements in the IA article. The newer UH Warriors logo has some cool design elements, and the traditional Hawaiian warrior would translate well into a space marine chapter. I can see a lot has already been decided upon, but I hope it isn't too late. If you google hawaiian warrior you can get a look at the traditional ensemble as well as some of the tattoo designs which would look epic on powered armor. Not to mention that in Hawai'i tattoos are your story, so the artwork on the armor could tell the story of the warrior, with scouts having few to none.

[Aqui]

Or to take the last idea a step further. The Cabal (or elements of it) led by Archon [insert name] raids Pochutec itself, helps himself to some of the natives, gives the proverbial finger and enrages the Chapter Master of the time, who for the next x amount of years decides he wants to take the Archon out - permanently. Slowly, but surely the Cabal's strength is weakened through attrition of numbers and the fact that most of the Dark Eldar are getting weaker due to not taking enough slaves to feed on. In one last desperate gambit, he raids another world in the region, but the LS are there already, and start taking names....

 

It might work - it would see the LS as a Chapter taking it's first steps (making mistakes on the way) eventually being able to stop the Archon in the long run. I might even have it that it takes so long that the Chapter has had two or more Chapter Masters in the time it's taken to eradicate them....I could also include that the hatred of the Cabal is causing the Chapter Master(s) and the Chapter as a whole to commit too much time hunting them and not defending worlds from other threats.

 

It makes a good story, that I'll give you, sirrah, but it has one glaring weakness; few enemies possess the resources, let alone the madness, to take on the might of a Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes where it is strongest - remember, "A Marines home is his castle!"

 

True enough, but if the raid was done whilst they were else where chasing a false lead, on the whereabouts of the DE, then not only would it mean a higher likelyhood of success, but also a bigger (and more satisfying) stab and thrust of the knife as it were. Dark Eldar would love a chance to "stick it it to them". With the Marines running around all over trying to find the Dark Eldar, the last place they are going to find them is in their own back yard.

 

Either that or I'll have to find some other battle to flesh out.... :)