IA: Alpha Hounds

[Messor]

The Alpha Hounds Space Marines Chapter

Intercepted Inquisitorial Report regarding subject 'Alpha Hounds'.

"I have my doubts whether or not these 'Hounds' can be relied upon or trusted in a time of Imperial need. Should our Lords on Terra call, the Chapter is beyond lethargic to answer. Citing the Emperor against them seems to be the only way to direct them with any kind of haste."
-Unknown Inquisitor

A

vailable Imperial records have proved mostly reliable regarding the Alpha Hounds Chapter. Their creation was a standard issue order from the High Lords of Terra during the first years of the 26th founding. Their purpose at that time was to keep at bay any enemy forces in the tail of the Sagittarius Arm, which were initially limited to Chaos raids attempting to strike through the frequent warp storms of the region. There is but one noticeable hole in the Chapter’s history that Imperial records cannot fill, which regards their homeworld. The Hounds themselves appear to have these records, but no one outside the Chapter has ever been permitted to see them.

Within three hundred years of their founding, the threats they faced evolved into something more substantial with the first expansions of the xenos Tau Empire. Because of the tenacity of the Tau in defending their worlds, the Chapter’s primary objective has become patrolling the border space to prevent them from gaining new foothold worlds and expanding further. This has also brought them into conflict with splinters of the Tyranid Hive Fleet Gorgon.


Though they keep largely to themselves, the Chapter has been regularly sighted patrolling assigned space, from the coreward stars of the Tau Empire almost to the end of the Sagittarius Arm. The Triplex Phall forgeworld reports regular supply requisitions from the Chapter.

Full Circuit

"These systems are backwater, forgotten and unattended by the Imperium. With this last jump here, we have our course; a route to the Arm's end that follows endless night and offers free reign."
-Fyvush Feyne

T

he unfortunate mutation of the Alpha Hound gene-seed has at least complemented its fleet based nature, which allows them to avoid the would-be blinding light of a homeworld's sun. The fleet maintains patrols along a series of subsector to subsector planetary systems that has taken Chapter Librarians and Navigators the better part of a century to compile, and completed by a Navigator called Fyvush Feyne. The course, named the Feyne Circuit in his honor, consists of planets used as staging grounds and supply caches, largely uninhabitable and lost in shadow for most of their respective day periods. The Circuit also includes three asteroids which have been equipped to move, providing variables in the course that only the highest ranking Hounds can know.

The Alpha Council considers this an essential precaution as all untithed gene-seed produced by the Chapter is kept in the facilities along the Circuit. While each of these 'Night World' bases is fortified, the defenses don't amount to much more than a few orbital defense guns and sensors for tracking activity in each system. The protection of the Night Worlds depends largely on the proximity of the fleet, and secrecy. The Battle Barge called Bastion Alpha houses the Chapter's monastery. Despite receiving supplies from multiple sources, the prolonged campaigns favored by the Hounds quickly drain these resources, and without the stockpiles on the Circuit, the Chapter would be regularly exposed with no means of retaliation, making the Feyne Circuit a necessary supply line asset to defend.

Obscure archival footnotes mention a homeworld for the Chapter. Though older navigational charts note the planet as an agri-world, more recent visitors report the planet as destroyed. Cracked nearly in three, the few ruins still visible have clearly been the subject of intense orbital bombardment. No Imperial reports detail what transpired there, and the death of that world is remembered only by the Alpha Hounds.

The history kept by the Alpha Hounds tells that less than a century following their founding the Chapter was drawn away from its wards by a chaos fleet, allowing the world to be invaded. The invasion forces did not count on nearby Imperial Navy elements, who notified the Hounds as they engaged the invaders, advising them to make the long journey back. Before long, the commander of the Naval forces began to report that the battle was going poorly, the planet was falling, and exterminatus was beginning to look like the only option. The Hounds still on the planet said otherwise, certain the world could be saved. The Chapter Master and his council of leadership petitioned more than once for more time to bring reinforcements, citing the loyalty of the natives and their faith in the Imperium, but were answered with silence. Sacrificing no more time to leave the Warp for reports, the fleet made all haste towards home. When they emerged from the Immaterium over the homeworld, they found a burning husk. An indelible mark was left on the young Chapter, but in the Emperor’s eyes and their own, they were still bound to serve…and so pressed on. However, not even the Hounds kept any record of what became of the Naval elements that oversaw the death of their homeworld.

Rite of Passage

Finally, an opportunity. Two of the Kroot had separated, leaving the camp to forage. Waiefei's long wait was ending. Sighting through the Stalker's scope, he led the pair for fifteen seconds til they were just out of sight of the camp. At their next step, he squeezed the trigger with trained precision. The bolt bored through the nearer Kroot's skull, then clipped the further Kroot's shoulder. Instantly adjusting, Darius fired again before the howl of pain could sound, his tactical display registering near simultaneous weapons discharges from his brothers hidden around the camp. The hunt was on.

T

he Alpha Hounds see the honor of living and serving as a Space Marine as a privilege to be earned, not only for new recruits, but for the Chapter as a whole. If a mission should fail, or an engagement is lost and the Alpha Council determines that it stains the Chapter's honor, recruitment will cease until the Chapter distinguishes itself once more. Recruits are usually gathered as willing payment from worlds aided by the Hounds. They are brought to the Circuit for trials and training. The primary qualifications of character for Neophytes are loyalty and ingenuity, and the most frequent challenges throw groups of recruits into lethal situations such as the hunting grounds of nocturnal predators, or squad versus squad combats in different settings. Given few, if any resources, and only each other to depend upon, those recruits who demonstrate a willingness to sacrifice for their would-be brothers and can adapt to their surroundings on the fly are the only ones who have a chance at beginning the implantation process.

These groups are often permanent, and the final test of the Initiates before joining the Scout Company is a test of their strength and prowess, and ability to hunt together. Alone on a shuttle, the team of recruits is dropped on a world occupied by the Tau's Kroot allies. Sometimes the Chapter has withdrawn forces to allow the Kroot to establish a presence, only to recover the lost ground with the Initiates. Each team must hunt down and consume a Kroot hunting party, which is usually twelve to fifteen Kroot in strength. If the squad succeeds without casualties, their trials are complete and they are fully inducted into the Chapter. Some initiates follow the Hound tradition, tracking the enemy by use of the Omophagea and forcing the Kroot to isolate themselves before picking them off rapidly, in small groups. Other Initiates are satisfied simply tracking the party, and then falling on them in a frontal ambush. These particular marines tend to become powerful close combat fighters, but are historically rare.

After consuming the first kill, the interaction between the Kroot genetic material and the flaw in the Omophagea invariably begins a lifelong desire for Kroot flesh. While not as drastic as in other Chapters with similar gene flaws, the Alpha Hounds have never taken a Kroot prisoner, giving them the honor of dying on the battlefield before the battle-brothers prepare and eat them, usually in camps on the same battlefield.

The tradition of Kroot hunting as the final Rite is believed to have supplanted the original indoctrination ritual of apex predator hunts. The change is a reverence to a battle during the Chapter's first encounters with Tau, in which a Kroot kindred ambushed and destroyed almost half a company of marines. Under the direction of their Shaper, the Kroot began consuming the fallen marines, but fled at the first sign of reinforcements. One squad sergeant alone, Brother Anton Windhark, was rendered unconscious, but survived the ambush and witnessed the Kroot feeding on his brothers' flesh. The following night, without orders, the vengeful sergeant tracked down and slaughtered the entire kindred save for the Shaper, who beheld the marine's first bite into the Kroot that had eaten his brothers, before being reduced to slag by Windhark's plasma pistol. Since then, Kroot are viewed as the ultimate prey and the Chapter relishes every encounter with Tau for the chance to scourge the Kindreds.

The induction ritual itself is a subdued occasion. Successful recruits go under the Apothecary’s blade once more, and the second bone in the middle finger is removed and replaced with an alloy substitute. Following the operation the neophyte carves his name and the date of his induction into his bone and presents it to the presiding Chaplain. The bone is dipped in adamantium and placed on a chain, to be worn at all times. Over time Alpha Hounds will gather other bones, mostly from foes, but sometimes from brothers, on which to inscribe the deeds of battles and campaigns. These hang from the same chain, forming part of each brother’s legacy.

Second Campaign against the Orks of Fi'rios

"A riff from the heavy bolters on that hillside, NOW! Jameth, make it rain, brother!" The swarming Orks retreated from the blistering bolter fire behind a rubble-strewn hill, waiting for an opening. What they saw instead were the red tongues of flame falling towards them from the sky, ready to seal them in against any hope of escape.

T

hough a fleet based Chapter, the Alpha Hounds have a marked preference for ground combat, and haven't developed the advanced boarding skills of other fleet based Chapters. They regard their fleet only as their essential conveyance through the void, and respect their original fleet elements as such. Captured ships or those taken as payment are not afforded such respect, mostly due to how rarely these ships mount the weapons or defenses needed to be useful to Astartes. This mentality has led to many of the fleet's lesser vessels often being treated as expendable and used in highly unorthodox maneuvers, including abandonment as battlefield debris or fireships, blockade running, and ramming enemy fleets. If it is possible to draw an enemy force into a land battle, the Hounds will choose a sunlit world over fighting in the confines of a ship's belly.

While their tactics frequently make unpredictable changes, the constant is their preference for catching the enemy by surprise and attacking at night. Ambushes, troop lures, and trap laced fortifications are a regular part of Alpha Hound warfare. It can be noted that scouts are frequently at the fore front of an attack, pulling the main force behind them. Leading scout squads are often given the honor of the first shot fired at the enemy, and these first strikes are often combined with simultaneous drop pod assaults, and low altitude Thunderhawk strikes. The most planning goes into capitalizing on the confusion sown by the sudden loss of leadership and the element of surprise. Frequent maneuvers include 'Black Out' attacks aimed at cutting off enemy visibility to allow friendly forces to redeploy, 'Crush' ambushes meant to catch the enemy between two or more units, and 'Base Dropping', a shock and awe strategy that drops a heavy fire base made up of tactical marines, Terminators and Dreadnoughts into the heart of the enemy formation in an effort to scatter them and sweep them as they flee. The normally superior reflexes and enhanced senses of a Space Marine are all but nullified for the Hounds by the glare of sunlight, due to the oversensitive nature of their Occulobes. In daylight conditions, their reactions are hardly any better than a unit of Imperial Guardsmen, or even the Tau they so frequently fight.

The battle-brothers of the Alpha Hounds appear to revel in extended campaigns; the longer lasting, the better. Kill markings are considered irrelevant, replaced by campaign marks distinguishing consecutive weeks or months of successive battles. With years at a time spent pursuing enemies across worlds with little time for concentrated maintenance, Hounds marines have made numerous modifications to their weapons and equipment, few of which would be sanctioned by a sane techpriest. These modifications are most commonly based on adapting to the environment of the world where the battle group is fighting. They are also skilled at using their surroundings to complement their weapons, or turning the environment itself into an exploitable asset instead of using specialized gear. The Chapter has trouble maintaining both its Terminator armor and Jump Packs units, and these are rarely seen on the battlefield.

Called to serve Him

"You are not the Imperium's marines, you are not the tools of Terra. You are the Emperor's Angels of Death, and you will trample His foes beneath your feet and rend them as you go over! We are the Alpha Hounds, and our crescendo will burn the galaxy clean in the Emperor's name!
-Chapter Master Moonstride

The Alpha Hounds stand at approximately nominal strength and are codex adherent, their only particular variance being the Chapter Command, or Alpha Council, composed simply of the Chapter Master and the Masters of the Companies. It is unknown how or if the companies not on the council are represented, but the will of the Council is unquestionably accepted by all. Neophytes spend at minimum the first ten years of their services as Scouts, integrated into the Battle Companies and rotated whenever a Reserve Company steps in to relieve their attachment. Likewise integrated are the Assault specialists. Because the Chapter so rarely deploys its few jump packs, the Assault marines can afford to go into battle with their brothers, where they not only lead charges, but excel at flanking on foot and serving as decoys for drawing the enemy into the open.

The Devastator company remains separate, according to the Codex. The Chapter’s Devastators tend to be the loudest and most abrasive marines, to the degree that it is part of the reason they remain a separate company. It is also noteworthy that the Devastators have more experience with drop pod maneuvers than any unit in the Chapter, with the possible exception of its Dreadnoughts.

A Cause for the Lost

Sighing, the gray-headed Librarian closed his tome before answering his brother. "No, Sinef, they cannot know or understand that their Imperium is dead. They will never recognize this as the true root of their misery. That is why we watch over them. They have lost their Master as much as you and I."
-Cheif Librarian Morianton

T

he Alpha Hounds Chapter cult has never been observed, but what contact Imperial agents have had has made note of the regular absences and gatherings of Chapter members between combats, suggesting that whatever rituals the Chapter does maintain are regularly attended. While as a whole the Chapter appears to be of acceptable demeanor, their attitude towards serving the Imperium leaves much to be desired. The Chapter has never ignored or refused an order from Terra, but in handling local requests for assistance the Hounds have been known to refuse aid without the promise of payment, sometimes going as far as demanding control of a planet's warp worthy ships.

Behind closed doors the Chapter Cult is a startlingly somber body, despite the usual boisterousness of its adherents. The Hounds praise one thing only, and that is the Emperor. Here any similarities with the Ecclesiarchy and most similarities with other Astartes beliefs end. The Hounds recognize the Emperor as a Champion of humanity, but a lost one. While they don't dispute that the Emperor may be sustaining his life from century to century, they have no delusions of any distant return or reawakening of their Master. They see their lives as gifts, fruits of the Emperor's labor and recognize no other hand, in giving thanks for their existence. Any semblance of ‘faith’ is seen as wasted. Older Chapter members know the root of this belief to be the result of the tragedy that destroyed the world meant to be their home. It could be said that the Chapter was reborn from this event. The once eager and obedient Hounds took to their fleet, and became lethargic to answer the call of Terra. If faith in the Imperium were of so little value, they would treat it as such. Likely because of this, the Alpha Hounds privately believe that the Imperium died with the Emperor, and is now an empty shell. In the eyes of the Hounds, the Adeptus Astartes exist only to soften the blow for the rest of mankind when the truth strikes them.

Only out of respect for the Emperor do the Hounds follow any orders from the High Lords. For governments and leaders both military and civilian, however, they have no regard other than perhaps mild suspicion. While their responses to local requests for aid are justifiably frowned upon, they would never cruelly abandon a world in need, and have sometimes appeared without request to aid a planet in danger. They always, however, demand payment. The payment is always proportional to the planets resources, and is sometimes no more than commissioning a team of locals to collect the bolt casings from a battlefield, just so that they can appreciate the Space Marines' efforts. In truth, the Hounds have a grain of pity for the rest of humanity, even more lost than they without the Emperor.

Great respect and reverence is also afforded to the Chapter’s dead. Simple tombs are maintained on several of the Night Worlds where the remains of the fallen are interred. The adamantine bone removed in the induction ritual ensures that something of each brother can endure even the most extreme destruction, and every chain is paired with a plaque displaying the date of the marine’s death.

The Alpha Hounds have developed a strong relationship with, and faith in, the families of the Navis Nobilite, and greatly respect the Navigators in service to the Chapter, and these connections have contributed to nuances in the Chapter's beliefs. Some of the principles used by the Navigators are magnified in Alpha Hound beliefs and doctrines. They study the terrain more often than they study the enemy, knowing that while the enemy may change on the eve of battle, the battlefield itself is likely to remain the same. There are scouts in the Hounds who are rumored to know entire planetscapes from memory. As the Navigators say, the better one knows the territory, the more rapidly to traverse it. This study usually takes the place of prayers in the daily routine of other Adeptus Astartes, as well as a major part of the Chapter's tactical indoctrination.

The Blind Lead Better

So this was war by the light of day. It was truly hellish. Doing all he could not to squint at the filtered light that passed his optics, Brother-Sergeant Miantono fired a burst at the distant Tau squad, barely noting in time the battlesuits moving towards the right flank. Squad Uncas had fallen, then. Miantono rallied his marines, "Incoming on the right flank! Sergeant Requias, prepare your squad to spring a Crush on inbound battlesuits! Let us not leave Captain Longrun to clean up after us!" Cursed be this world and its xenos defenders, he thought as he caught himself squinting. With another five hours til nightfall, their position could not be lost.

Records and tithes show that the Alpha Hounds were formed using the gene-seed stock of the Shadow Wolves, who also provided the cadre of warriors that trained the Chapter, making the Alpha Hounds marines of Dorn's lineage. Near the beginning of the Chapter's history, failed attempts by the Apothecarion to restore the flawed organs of Dorn's sons led, as it so often does, to further issues with the Chapter's gene-seed. Already lacking the Betcher's gland and Sus-an Membrane, the Hounds now suffer other defects as well. Most grievous was the mutation of the Occulobe, which has become the blessing and the curse of the Alpha Hounds. The organ has now become dramatically more sensitive, with the naked eye of a Hound able to see the landscape of a moonless night as if it were clear daylight, but barely able to stand the true light of day. Without the modifications made to the optics of their helmets, the Alpha Hounds would be useless on a sunlit battlefield. They can only adapt by seeking to strike first, at night, and inflict as much damage as possible before dawn. Very few individuals outside the Chapter can claim to have seen the face of a Hound.

Another mutation has also been introduced through the Chapter's initiation rituals. After the discovery of the Tau, the tradition of hunting the deadly game of one of the Night Worlds was replaced with the more challenging task of hunting the Tau's tribal allies, the Kroot. Successful marines are required to consume the Kroot's flesh, but whether due to the tampering of the Apothercaries or the Kroots' own malleable DNA combining with the workings of the Omophagea, the Alpha Hounds now have something of an addiction to Kroot.


Battlecry: Chaplain/Sergeant:"Rend the heel!" Battle-Brother:"Tear the throat !"

Notes

-Minor changes Edited June 17, 2019 by Messor

[Messor]

This one is still quite messy, but there a couple things I'd wished for some Liber input on before continuing. First off, the name. I haven't seen an 'Alpha' Chapter besides the Legion. Is that a stigma I need to avoid? I like my other option, the Tempest Wolves, or maybe the Tempest Hounds, but there are already the Sons of Tempest of brother Micius, so I don't want to get too Tempest crazy.

 

Then, the format. It's probably easy to pick up on how irregular it is. I kind of wanted to try the inquisitorial report method, but so far am finding it a little tricky/restricting. The origins, combat doctrine and beliefs have been more or less done from the perspective of a report. The homeworld/fleet is proving harder to bring in that direction, and I'm not sure if it'll fly. Does anyone have examples/favorites of 'report' style IAs I can look at? Or are more standard explanation IAs preferred?

 

Lowest of priorities, but still important, the scheme. I'm not too fond of this. In looking up information about the Shadow Wolves I found a real life (unrelated) unit of Native American trackers by the same name, and wanted to tribute them with a sort of Native American theme in the appearance/doctrine. It's hard to nail down a simple scheme that gives that impression, though.

 

Any help and any and all C&C is very welcome!

 

-T

[Erasmus of Baal]

First off, if you haven't already, read the Octaguide. This will help big-time with your format question, and will bring up a few points related to some of what I'll point out. (By the way, the claim Octavulg makes that your IA can even make beautiful women go "Hey, that's pretty cool!" is accurate. :D ) I did notice the other IAs in your sig, though, so I'm wondering about why you're trying out a different perspective; an Inquisitor hoards his knowledge, so something like this would not be as readily available even as the Chapter's private history collection.

 

Foremost, the Shadow Wolves are not your founder. Your founder is the one of the twenty original Legions whose gene-seed your Chapter was founded upon. As the Shadow Wolves were founded upon Rogal Dorn's gene-lineage, your founder would be the Iron Fists. That said, it can still be the case that the veteran marines assigned to train the first members of your new Chapter (as Chapters are, aside from the Second Founding, made from scratch rather than a splinter element of another Chapter). Though small, the distinction is relevant, especially in such gene-impure cases as being founded from the Raven Guard or Blood Angels.

 

"Alpha" is only something of a stigma because of its close associations with the traitorous Alpha Legion. While not forbidden by any means, it's rather unusual also because of its prideful nature, implying that you are somehow before or better than everyone else. Tempest stuff is fine, but I would suggest looking up synonyms or related words. My own DIY Chapter bounced for a long time between the "Crimson Kings" and the "Crimson Paladins." You may also learn from my own story that you should be in no rush to settle on a name for your Chapter; it's just as viable to pick a name based on what feels right for them as it is to design them around the name.

 

If you really want a Native American tribal theme, go "tribal"! I think that having some kind of tradition of hunting Kroot and taking trophies from these ritual hunts (maybe a part of their initiation rites?) would go a long way towards both the theme and explaining why they ALL have the over-stimulated implants from feeding on Kroot.

 

Some of your incomplete sections seem strange. It doesn't make much sense or fit readily with their theme for the Alpha Hounds to be friends with the Astra Telepathica, and it's rather obvious that they would hate Chaos. Other than that, they sound plausible - aside from being fleet-based and having a homeworld at the same time! ^_^

Edited September 27, 2012 by Erasmus of Baal

[Messor]

I have read much of the Octaguide, it's a fantastic resource, and the refresher did indeed come in handy. One thing I was having trouble reconciling were the dates of the 26th founding versus contact with the T'au, which I couldn't find anywhere. Now I know I can chuck that part. Then for some reason I thought I saw somewhere a DIY resource that mentioned formatting an IA as an Imperial report, but maybe I was mistaken because I can't seem to find anything like that now. Its no big deal, just wanting to try something a little different.

 

Regarding the gene-seed/founding, all of my IA's were made following the impression I got from the below quote...

How are New Chapters Founded?

By Aurelius Rex

 

This comes up periodically, and while GW has been unclear on the subject, this particular theory has gained acceptance on Liber as logically being a good explaination. The first three points are GW canon, and inviolate, with the rest being the favoured way to explain the known facts. The High Lords may have done things differently over the last ten thousand years, but this should give a template to work from. :)

 

1. The High Lords of Terra, speaking for the Emperor decree a new Founding of Adeptus Astartes Chapters. There is great jubilation and much quaffing.

 

2. The Adeptus Mechanicus on Mars selects geneseed from the tithed stocks, say from the Ultramarines / Roboute Guilliman gene-line, although as there are only nine First Founding Chapters out of the thousand possible, it is most likely that the geneseed selected will actually be from a successor Chapter.

 

-snip-

 

...suggesting that often(and I'd guess even more so in more recent foundings) the gene-seed used to form a new Chapter is not the stock of the original legion, but drawn from the tithed stock of a successor. Getting this right is especially important to me since the majority of IA's I'll do will be 'indirect' successors. This is in part due to exactly the reason you mentioned. Successors sometimes develop unique mutations of their own, and other times mutations are or appear to be bred out, which would reflect in a new chapter.

 

Having gone through as many synonyms and thesaurus entries as I can find, there are few uncommon matches with 'Tempest' that would fit into a Chapter name. The obvious ones, Storm or Maelstrom, the former being very common, the latter already giving name to The Maelstrom. On the other hand, it might be interesting to write an air of cockiness/arrogance into them, tied to some pride in being Alpha's.

 

I very like the idea of Kroot Hunting in the initiation process. I'm inclined to think that the organ is already mutated in all of them, and consuming Kroot would set it off. As for the many loose ends, the Chapter was by and large generated using the Rites of Battle charts, and I accepted as many random results as I could to see how it would turn out. Obviously some will be removed. The Astra Telepathica bit I kept because :P I assumed it was a different organization than it is. The actual organization the Chapter has bonded with should probably be the Navis Nobilite, due to their dependency on skilled Navigators. On that same line of thought, they don't have any world that could be considered a homeworld, only simple fortifactions/supply cache's on their planetary circuit, set up precisely so they can efficiently operate as a fleet based Chapter. I'll clear that up in the next update.

 

Thanks much for the time and critiques, Erasmus, I'll investigate more into the Progenitor issue, and gratefully include the Kroot Hunting into their recruitment information!

Edited September 27, 2012 by Messor

[Messor]

Update:

Several aforementioned changes/additions made to each section

Gene-seed explained

 

Next time:

Recruitment and expanded Beliefs!

 

edit: now less beliefs and more recruitment

edit 2: Now just recruitment!

Edited September 29, 2012 by Messor

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Having read your post on my IA, I know what your theme is intended to be. This is not very evident in your IA. This might be due to it not being finished. Some minor issues I learned the hard way. The mention of things you have not yet explained i.e. "unexplained mutations of the gene-seed" mentioned in the Homeworld section left me wondering what are these mutations. You might want to change the founding of this founding, as your history lends to an older founding and most gene-seed mutations, outside of the 21st and possible the 13th founding took time to develop. I look forward to seeing this IA complete.

 

Madwolf

[Messor]

Having read your post on my IA, I know what your theme is intended to be. This is not very evident in your IA. This might be due to it not being finished. Some minor issues I learned the hard way. The mention of things you have not yet explained i.e. "unexplained mutations of the gene-seed" mentioned in the Homeworld section left me wondering what are these mutations. You might want to change the founding of this founding, as your history lends to an older founding and most gene-seed mutations, outside of the 21st and possible the 13th founding took time to develop. I look forward to seeing this IA complete.

 

Madwolf

 

Thanks for going over it again, Madwolf. This would be my fault for not elaborating, but the native american vibe is, by and large, a secondary theme and its meant to be portrayed mostly through the scheme(Which I'm pretty lost on, atm), and recruitment process and some combat doctrine, but not a particular influencing factor anywhere else. I've just updated it with a full recruitment section and small expansion to combat doctrine, but if they spirit is still lacking, please let me know.

 

The gene-seed issues are hopefully fully enumerated in the gene-seed section, but if it feels strange mentioning them earlier, I'll consider modifying it. I rather hoped that introducing the tampering Apothecaries would accommodate for the late founding. As it is, I currently have two chapters purported to be Shadow Wolves successors, one in the 23rd founding and another in the 26th before they died. I can certainly consider moving the founding back, but I don't want one on the heels of the other, and I kind of like having a fresh Chapter with only three or fourhundred some odd years of experience.

 

Again, thanks for looking, keep the crits coming! (That goes for all you Liberites!)

[Messor]

Well with recruitment and sidebars added and as much grammar/spelling correcting done as I can find, all I need now is a few thorough maulings by some willing Liberites to refine it. Any and all help appreciated!

edit:I think I've brought it down to one of two simple schemes:

or

And then the one I don't use as the main scheme might make it as the veteran armor scheme, or perhaps the captain.

Edited October 3, 2012 by Messor

[Messor]

Yay editing.

 

Besides settling on a theme, something else has come up that could use Liber input:

 

I'm working on a new Chapter that will be fleet based. Three fleet based Chapter's feels a little overdone to me, so I was thinking of changing the Alpha Hounds so they've a homeworld. The simple idea is: One of the habitable Night Worlds, with a tribal but bronze age population, probably 90% of each day in darkness, but illuminated by a combination of noctilucent clouds (caused by passing/falling comets) and a widespread aurora phenomenon.

 

This idea is more functional and less story driven than what they have now, but would influence and maybe improve recruitment rate. I need opinions on 2 things. First, which idea do you prefer and second, if the homeworld approach is taken, does it clash with the small scale fortification of planets/moons/asteroids on the Chitlin Circuit?

[Messor]

Scheme changed. Still up in the air about changing from fleet to homeworld.

[Wulfebane]

Scheme changed. Still up in the air about changing from fleet to homeworld.

 

Pack animals like wolves and hounds effectively rope off a territory that they patrol and migrate throughout the year. They may only stay in one part of their territory a handful of times or less in a given year, effectively becoming nomadic. Depending on the size of the territory however, some packs may remain in proximity to a den, but for larger packs, they often stay on the move to make sure they don't deplete their food sources.

 

This practice a lot of native american tribes adopted for dealing with the seasons, either moving with migrating game or to avoid harsh seasonal weather.

 

Long story short, imo stick with fleet based.

[Furious Retreat]

I love the kroot eating concept - an extremely original idea, which adds a lot of character to your chapter.

 

i'd say go with a home world. It does not clash (imo) with the concept of small scale fortification of planets/moons/asteroids along the Chitlin Circuit, it compliments it.

It makes sense to me that a chapter that patrol along a regular route would have fortified hard points along its route where they can re-supply or fall back to.

[Messor]

I love the kroot eating concept - an extremely original idea, which adds a lot of character to your chapter.

 

i'd say go with a home world. It does not clash (imo) with the concept of small scale fortification of planets/moons/asteroids along the Chitlin Circuit, it compliments it.

It makes sense to me that a chapter that patrol along a regular route would have fortified hard points along its route where they can re-supply or fall back to.

 

Heh, original, but not my originality, that was Erasmus' genius at work, for which I'm grateful.

 

Thanks both of you for your opinions, and I think I might go for a variation of both. Perhaps they started off more loyal to the modern imperium, of course with nothing to their name but a home world, analogous to a domesticated dog and loyal to the hand that feeds. A couple successful campaigns and maybe a planetary tragedy later, the Hounds more or less cut loose, now loyal only to the memory of the dead master, and each other, the pack. I like it.

[Messor]

Well I tested out a shoulder pad today. Brother LordOrdGermany honored me by asking for a pair of them, one from the Sons of Unity and one from the Alpha Hounds to be used for a Deathwatch project of his. I really liked how it came out, though I'm seeing a need for either a finer brush or some paint pens or something to nail some of these details.

 

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b257/alienbastard89/Warhammer/SDC16211.jpg

 

The emblem works better with the new scheme, I think, though I need to make the field either a lighter gray or white since it blends too much with the black and makes the snout look too long. And gotta work on my symmetry. My camera's awful at close ups, so excuse the blur.

 

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b257/alienbastard89/Warhammer/photo1.jpg

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b257/alienbastard89/Warhammer/photo.jpg

 

Makes me excited to get some Alpha Hounds built, but I feel obliged to do some Basilisks first since I already have their shoulder pads. Anyone know where I can get some nice looking bionic parts at a good price?

[Veteran Sergeant]

Some copyediting for you. Just small diction nitpicks:

 

Recruitment:

"he Alpha Hounds see the right to live and serve as a Space Marine as privilege to be earned" If it's a privilege, then it isn't a right. Maybe use "honor to live" or "distinction" or somesuch.

 

"the Initiate exposed to the mere dimness" This doesn't really say what you want it to say. "mere dimness" actually diminishes the impact of them living in relative darkness, and just sounds kind of awkward as well.

 

"No marine has failed the test except in death, for after consuming the first kill, the interaction between the Kroot genetic material and a flaw in the Omophagea begins a life long desire for Kroot flesh." The two ideas in this sentence aren't connected. Failing or succeeded in killing 20-30 Kroot single-handedly (seems a bit large of a number, even for Spess Mahreens) has nothing to do with the fact that eating one creates a desire to eat more Kroot. Probably want to split these two ideas into separate sentences. One would assume they succeed or fail based on whether or not they kill them, or get killed.

 

"Combat Doctrine:

" essential conveyance through the void, the means of arriving at the next mission." These are separate ideas. Make it two sentences. Could technically use a semicolon, but semicolons are awful and overused/misused. Like Yoda explained the Force to me when I was a munchkin, once you start down that dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.

 

"It can be noted that scouts are frequently at the fore front of an attack, pulling the main force behind them. Leading scout squads are often given the honor of the first shot fired at the enemy, which is usually sniper fire aimed at decapitating enemy unit formations." Awkwardly worded. I get what you're saying, but it reads like the Scouts are being pushed to the front of the formations Black Templar style.

 

"t nullified by the gaze of sunlight," Glare?

 

" In day light conditions, their reactions are hardly any better than a unit of Imperial Guardsmen, or even the Tau they so frequently fight" Kind of a cool concept for a geneseed flaw, but one would assume they'd just turn up the tint on their helmet displays. I mean, with a helmet on, a Marine is essentially looking at the world through a camera, not with his actual eyes. Might re-envision this flaw as a reason why they never take their helmets off or something.

 

Beliefs:

"Out of respect for the Emperor only do the Hounds follow the orders of the High Lords." Reads awkward. Put "only" at the beginning of the sentence, or maybe use a comma between "only" and "do".

 

Geneseed:

" Without the modifications made to the optics of their helmets, the Alpha Hounds would be useless on a sunlit battlefield." Here's the answer to the earlier question. I'd suggest moving the Gene Seed section to earlier in the article, since it has such a profound effect on how they fight.

 

"They can only adapt by seeking to strike first, at night, and inflict as much damage as possible before dawn." But they have modifications to their helmets. Seems unnecessary to fight that way. Flaws like this are cool and original. They give the story of your Chapter some depth. But remember that the flaws need to make sense in contrast. Space Marines that can't see during the day are pretty ridiculously crippled. So instead tell some stories about weird or bizarre battles that they had to overcome. Or some hero whose helmet was damaged and he had to improvise some kind of sunglasses, lol. If it sounds like a regular occurrence for the poor guys to be blind, we wonder how they ever really fight. Who guards their positions during the day? Etc.

 

"vengeful addiction to Kroot," Wrong wording. Addictions aren't vengeful.

 

"as well as virtually abandoning tracking by means of tech in favor of using the stimulated Omophagea with the abilities of the Neroglottis." How exactly does this work? And remember, these guys have a hard time seeing unless it's super dark, so they can't just wander around helmetless.

 

 

Anyhow, cool article. I actually wouldn't waste the time to edit it if I thought it was garbage, lol. So please don't take any of that as heavy criticism. Just things to think about since you seem to have put a fair amount of thought and time into this. Some missing commas too, but I didn't want to hack at all of those. Those are easy to find by reading it out loud and seeing where you normally pause.

[InquisitorHayn]

Ho, brother. Must say, for starters, I really dig the emblem at the top. Brilliant. I understand that you're still constructing this idea and I'm excited to see it come to fruition. Lots of cool little touches like superhuman kroot junkies really make this pop. A little more grimdark wouldn't kill anything, but that's just my personal taste. The only major gut-wrencher I can find at this point is the geneseed flaw. Not so much the flaw itself, mind you, but the wording. Based upon selections from White Dwarf and Prospero Burns (arguments of canonicity aside), the occulobe already enhances the sight of a Space Marine to well beyond human capacity, night conditions included. This really takes away from the whole "double-edged sword" motif that you're going for. Still a cool flaw, minus the "makes them better at night fighting" part. Oh, and MASSIVE kudos for having a Space Marine yell "Make it rain!". I giggled. Cheers on a fun and engaging piece!

[Messor]

Wow, thanks for the comments and suggestions, brothers!

 

Veteran Sergeant, your edits are a huge help and greatly appreciated, and not the least bit harsh. I saw a need for one or two of those things but could never put my finger on what was wrong, so these were great. I've made most of the changes in red, and highlighted that last one so I won't forget. Now I included that particular point to bring in a touch of the Native American theme I was trying to sprinkle in, sort of tracking naturally instead of with technology. I think now I just might emphasize how the mutations are used to augment/enhance tracking with different dimensions/data. Not 100% sure how I'll go about that. I'll also work on moving the geneseed section up earlier in the article. This isn't the first IA of mine with this issue, so I'll see what I can work out.

 

I also didn't yet change the line about the vengeful addiction. I mean to describe the marines as vengeful in their addiction, kinda grudge bearing against the kroot for their lost men. Does it make sense in that context?

 

Now I'm less sure how to balance the faults(mutations) with these new sources. I kinda wanted to go with night fight specialists. Veteran Sergeant mentioned that a marine helmet essentially was like viewing the world through camera. In large part I do want that to be the reason they rarely remove their helmets, but I also want to express that night is their day, they aren't just good at it, they thrive in it. Can you tell me more, descriptively, about what was said in white dwarf and prospero burns, Inquisitor?

 

edit: also, Inquisitor, can you give me any suggestions on how to up the grimdark? Right now I've only got one style and its never taken me that far into it, so some pointers would be great.

Edited November 30, 2012 by Messor

[Nicili]

I really like these guys, kroot-eating darkness loving warriors, whats not to like? Also, I really like the fleet based idea, much better than just saying "Oh, they are fleet based." I'm glad you decided to keep it.

 

I guess my biggest nitpick is about the Battle Cry. I just think its... generic. The only instance (I can think of) where this sort of Battle Cry would make sense is in reference to your first sidebar, that the Alpha Hounds are under scrutiny and decide to go with a "brown-nosing" battle cry in order to cover up suspicions. If this is the case just ignore my post -_-

 

However, if this isn't the case, I think they need something a little more characteristic. This doesn't have to be overly explicit in any way, I just think they need something more...menacing, I guess.

[Messor]

I'll surely give the Battlecry a think through, Nicili. It was kinda just the first thing to come to mind, meant to get across more loyalty to the emperor than anything, but I think you're right, they need something more battle related. Thanks for mentioning it.

[Messor]

Forgot to note the updated battlecry a while back. Made some simple changes to the origins and beliefs sections, mostly for sentence flow. Did away with the lingering reference to missing Chapter information in the origins section, and modified the sidebar to accommodate it and the rest of the article.

[Messor]

So after the sudden realization that the scrimshawing of the IF is actually kind of interesting, I reasoned that it would be well placed among the Alpha Hounds and started considering how to execute it. What I've arrived at:

 

Instead of posthumous scrimshawing, Alpha Hounds go through a (completely unrelated to IH) procedure to remove the larger bone of the middle finger(appropriately replaced). On this is inscribed dog tag-esque information, to be carried at all times.

 

After that I'm a bit up in the air. On one hand, I think in IF fashion they should leave it as is until death after which additional acts and honors may be inscribed. On the other, it should be ever lasting, and so dipped/sealed in adamantium so that even if a warrior should be utterly destroyed, that last piece of him might be preserved and recovered.

 

Input? I mostly wondered if the process of the idea was too convoluted.

Edited January 13, 2013 by Messor

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

This is vaguely similar to an Idea I had for my Hounds. I think a combination of your idea and mine could work very well for you. Your Hounds Scrimshaw their bones while they are alive with battle honors and then when one dies the skeleton is preserved (with adamantium) to be displayed in the fortress-monastary or a place of honor. My Hounds were going to do this with the fused rib cage but only after death. Hope that if this doesn't work at least it helps with more ideas.

 

Madwolf

[Messor]

This is vaguely similar to an Idea I had for my Hounds. I think a combination of your idea and mine could work very well for you. Your Hounds Scrimshaw their bones while they are alive with battle honors and then when one dies the skeleton is preserved (with adamantium) to be displayed in the fortress-monastary or a place of honor. My Hounds were going to do this with the fused rib cage but only after death. Hope that if this doesn't work at least it helps with more ideas.

 

Madwolf

 

I do like the idea of them having honors and such inscribed while alive, but my concern is, when a marine dies it tends to be a messy thing, and I wonder if the bone would survive these ordeals without protection. So I guess it comes down to what they value more. The recorded deeds, or the memory of their brothers. I'm inclined to think it'd be the latter, considering their pack mentality.

[Messor]

Brother Blazbaros of the deviantArt Chapter has provided an epic representation of an Alpha Hounds Marine, ready to drop a target.

 

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b257/alienbastard89/alpha_hound_marine_by_blazbaros_BAYONETUPGRADE_zpsaf7d5eb4.png

[Octavulg]

 

Intercepted Inquisitorial Report regarding subject 'Alpha Hounds'
"It remains unclear whether or not these 'Hounds' can be relied upon or trusted in a time of Imperial need. Should our Lords on Terra call, they are beyond lethargic to answer, but should the Emperor be cited against them, the interested party will quickly find themselves at the top of the Chapter's list of most hated persons...but still provided a sizeable strike force with astonishing haste, even for Space Marines. It is curious, to say the least."
-Unknown Inquisitor

Eh?  

I get the first sentence.  I get the first half of the second sentence.  The second half of the second sentence escapes me.  

Available Imperial records have proved mostly reliable regarding the Alpha Hounds Chapter. The challenges the Imperium currently faces on all fronts has elicted the foundings of many new Chapters, of which records do clearly indicate that the Alpha Hounds are one. Their creation was a standard issue order from the High Lords of Terra during the first years of the 26th founding. Their purpose at that time was to keep at bay any enemy forces in the tail of the Sagittarius Arm. Initially these were Chaos raids attempting to strike through the frequent warp storms of the region. Within three hundred years, the threat evolved into something more substantial with the first expansions of the xenos Tau Empire. The tenacity of the xenos has withstood attempts to reclaim most of the worlds they have taken, and Terra has declared that Imperial forces are better applied patrolling the border space to prevent enemies from gaining foothold worlds and further expanding. This is now the primary objective of the Chapter.

Records clearly indicate the Alpha Hounds exist.  Well well.  

Good paragraph, but that bit really did seem silly.  

Records clearly indicate that the Alpha Hounds were formed using the gene-seed stock of the Shadow Wolves, who also provided the cadre of warriors that trained the Chapter, making the Alpha Hounds marines of Dorn's line. Though they keep largely to themselves, the Chapter has been regularly sighted patrolling assigned space, from the coreward stars of the Tau Empire almost to the end of the Sagittarius Arm. The Triplex Phall forgeworld reports regular supply requisitions from the Chapter.

I'd mention the geneseed source in the eponymous section and just move the last two sentences up into the previous paragraph.  

"These systems are backwater, forgotten and unattended by the Imperium. With the last jump here, we have it. A route to the Arm's end that follows endless night."

Again, the first sentence makes sense, then it spirals into incomprehensibility.  

The unfortunate mutations of the Alpha Hound gene-seed have at least complimented its fleet based nature, which allows them to avoid the would-be blinding light of a homeworld's sun. The fleet maintains a route along a series of subsector to subsector planetary systems that has taken Chapter Librarians and Navigators the better part of a century to compile. The course, called the Chitlin Circuit after the Navigator who completed it, follows systems with Red Dwarf stars. The planets used as staging grounds in these systems are largely uninhabitable and lost in shadow for most of their respective day periods, conducive to the preferences of the Chapter. The Circuit also includes three asteroids, which besides being fortified by the Hounds, are also equipped to move, providing variables in the course that only the highest ranking Hounds can know.

Complemented.  

Chitlins are cooked pig intestines.  

* * *

I think the writing could use some tightening up, but this all makes at least a certain degree of sense.  Moving the fate of the original home world into the home world section might make the "it was corrupted by Chaos" angle a LITTLE more subtle.  As is it's kinda blatant.  

Honestly, the writing's the weak spot.  Shorter.  Tighter.  Clearer.  Read it aloud.  If you get bored, shorten it.  If it sounds weird, rewrite it.  The thing feels longer than it should - I'm pretty sure you could do this in 2000 words, and I KNOW you could do it in 2500.