IA: Clan Bracchus - Iron Hand Clan Company - May 27 Complete

[Ravenfeld]

The task is complete! I welcome you all to read it and dissect it for any errors I may have missed!

 

Thanks everyone for your help and feed back!

http://warhammer40k.wikia.com/wiki/Iron_Hands
--For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Iron Hands chapter but wish to have a decent foundation before reading further, I give you the above link.
 
Iron Hands Codex
-- A community based project to give the 10th legion their own Codex, spear headed by our very own Bannus.

Purge the Weak!
-- The primary discussion topic for all things Iron Hands.

Clan Bracchus Models
-- Painted by Davey for me, here is what has been made for Clan Bracchus to date, more in the future.

IRON HANDS - CLAN BRACCHUS

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/134/3/8/cog_complete_by_pretty_bullet-d65btto.png

Known for their hatred of weakness, the Iron Hands have stood faithfully against the enemies of the Imperium for centuries. Whether from within or without, they have shown no mercy to those who would bring destruction to mankind. As a Chapter, the Iron Hands continually strengthen and improve themselves mentally and physically. They see only frailties in their own genetically modified bodies and increasingly mechanize them to become the perfect warrior. Blending man and machine, they combine the unyielding body with the unyielding mind.

-- Bannus

Origins

The people of Bracchus are descended from the survivors of an ancient colonization vessel, known as “the Beneficium” which had crashed onto Medusa’s surface during the onset of the Age of Strife. The trauma of the sudden loss of contact with the greater universe and the precious technology that humanity had come to rely on forced the survivors and their heirs to develop a bleak, if not determined outlook on the world they would make their home. Despite the technology that managed to survive the crash and their vast stores of supplies that should have allowed them to live comfortably for centuries, the survivors were forced to evacuate the battered remains of their vessel. A cataclysmic chain of eruptions from a nearby chain of hyper-active volcanoes jeopardized the crash site of the massive vessel. The tectonic activity created rifts in the earth which gradually began to devour the Beneficium, while trails of lava seared and melted much of what remained of its hull until only the lone communications spire of the advanced comm-relay remained jutting out of the dusty landscape. The mountain range would later be named Golgoth, a name that would hold a particular relevance to future generations. Ousted from their shelter and abandoned on a hostile and unforgiving world the descendants adapted to survive, only visiting the crash site to scavenge for food and supplies.
 
As centuries passed, and the last of the original survivors had long since perished to the harsh climes of the deadly world, their descendents began visiting the comm-relay as a means of spiritual reverence for their ancestors. This habitual practice of pilgrimage allowed one particularly adventurous young man, who went by the name of Bracchus, to discover an ancient network of volcanic catacombs that would lead him into the heart of the entombed vessel of his predecessors. There he would learn of his ancestor’s history and that of the galaxy at large. Armed with this knowledge he would later unite the scattered tribes of his forebears under the umbrella of one religion. A religion which would center on the spire of the communications array, while painting the astral bodies as deities with the sun at the apex, thus forging the first official religion of Medusa out of the ashes of history. The practice of star worship would bring the people of Bracchus into contention with the other human settlements scattered throughout the many lands of Medusa, many of which wanted nothing to do with what they perceived as a thinly veiled play for power.
[rightsidebar The Golgoth Mountains]The catalyst that forced the survivors of the crashed Beneficium to face the harsh world of Medusa was the volcanic cataclysm of the later named Golgoth mountain range. The massive tectonic tremors, gaping rifts, and smoldering currents of lava claimed the final remnants of the lives the colonists had before the crash, forcing them to survive as best they could on a world that was as unforgiving as it was deadly. The mountains were portrayed as evil harbingers of calamity and despair. Earning titles like "demon spine" and "calamity peaks" or simply "dark mount." As knowledge and reason began to degrade the descendents of the survivors developed a superstitious fear of the mountains, whispering of great evils and untold terrors lurking beyond the jagged cliff tops. It wasn't until the arrival of Manus and his forays into the mountains, that the people of Bracchus began to alter their views and to put old superstitions to rest. However, even in this day of knowledge and reason, some still claim that the mountains bear a sort of malevolence that cannot truly be explained.[/rightsidebar]
The superstition and resentment of the other denizens of Medusa would gradually escalate as the disciples of Bracchus spread his creed to every corner of the world. It was not long before the vast majority of the nomadic tribes of the death world began to resent the constant preaching and condescending attitudes of Bracchian missionaries and, only a handful of years after the sun religion was founded, the first drops of blood were spilled. These confrontations contributed to a shift in the lifestyles of many denizens of the volcanic peninsulas, ashen wastelands, and arctic tundras as warlords rose to prominence uniting local tribes under one authority. As time passed these warlords would hand down their legacies to their people, eventually creating a handful of the first clans of Medusa. Violence continued to be a fact of existence that would transcend Bracchus’ own life and stretch on over centuries, ebbing and escalating as the heirs of his legacy continued their crusade of enlightenment and only faltering upon the arrival of a divine being who would alter the face of planet forever, Ferrus Manus.

The Primarch’s arrival marked a shifting point in Medusa’s bloody history and, as Ferrus’ exploits gained grandeur and potency, the unmitigated violence began to wane. His actions quickly became the stuff of legend and all the clans began to garner a sense of respect for him. This respect only increased with time as his exploits echoed across the globe and eventually the people began to desire his attention and acknowledgement, with the exception of Clan Bracchus. The elders of the clan viewed Ferrus with a mixture of resentful-awe and distrust, for he too had come from the heavens as their ancestors had, yet he was not made of the same mortal bearing as the people of the Beneficium were said to have been. He lacked the flaws and characteristics of the rest of humanity, yet no one, not even the elders of the clan of the stars, could turn away the mighty Ferrus when he arrived to speak with the clan. Gradually, simply through conversation and the passing of time, the Primarch would develop a plan of action that would endear him to the people of Bracchus for time immemorial. A plan that both acknowledged their religion and encouraged them to aspire to greatness, that of the “Great Excavation.”

Using his inherent knowledge of technology, his unmatched intellectual brilliance, and his titanic strength, Ferrus devised a plan to excavate the Beneficium from the rocky clutches of Medusa. An immense undertaking that would stretch past even his formidable lifespan, yet one that secured his place as a champion of the people. Drawing out detailed instructions, devising systems of lynches and pullies, and laying the ground work that would set the stage of the excavation, Mannus set the elders to rallying the people to the task before leaving once more, not to return until the arrival of the second divine entity to pierce the darkened skies of Medusa.

Decades after the first shovels and picks struck the rocky earth of the ashen plains of the Beneficium's resting place, the thick clouds of Medusa parted with golden light, marking the arrival of the Emperor and his great fleet to reclaim on of his long lost sons. After testing himself against his father's might and skill, Ferrus immediately swore fealty to the Great Crusade and the call to arms went out across the planet’s surface to join him. This cry was answered in turn by the countless tribes and clans, all of which elected their strongest, bravest, and most talented members to face the trials that Manus would set forth. Yet it is said none answered louder than the disciples of the spire who were to elect some of the first mortals of Medusa to ever receive ascension to the ranks of the 10^th legion.

Throughout the battles of the Great Crusade the excavation continued. For every battle that was won in the Emperor's name, for every planet claimed under the titanic might of the 10^th legion, the mortals of Bracchus erected monuments out of the stone pulled from the earth during the liberation of their ancient holy vessel. Eventually the hills surrounding the dig site were littered with battle honors, statues, and monuments of the Iron Hands’ might. It is whispered that the excavation itself was completed during the aftermath of the Istvaan massacre, forever drowning the elation of a triumphant day in darkness and leaving the Bracchian people hateful and jaded.

The loss of their Primarch and the Emperor in a single horrifying master stroke saw the Iron Hands of Clan Bracchus sundered. The hierarchy was split, half wanting to return to Medusa to regroup and develop a plan of action, while the other half brashly wished to strike out immediately and take the fight to the traitors. This rift divided the clan into two groups of thought, the Disciples of Bracchus, adherents to both the teachings of the Bracchian Creed and the Imperial Truth, and the Dark Sun, a body bent on vengeance through a constant crusade of battle. Both exist within the clan to the present day, each faction adhering to its beliefs (or lack thereof) while maintaining a unified and cohesive front within the Clan's hierarchy and to the Imperium at large.

The Iron Hands of Bracchus have since put their entire being into righting the wrongs of the days of the Heresy, viewing their inability to prevent the fall of their Primarch and the Emperor as a stain that can only be removed with the destruction of all those that would see their great works undone. They make war so that one day they can look back on their lengthy histories and know that they liberated the spirits of their ancestors, honored the works of their golden lord, and finally achieved the condition of their primarch.

Organization

Clan Hierarchy:

Clan Primus:

• The pinnacle of Bracchian authority, the Primus is elected from the Keepers by the majority vote. He represents Bracchus on the Clan Council and is the premier voice in all matters of Clan Astartes' resources and decisions. Yet his total power is kept in check by the unanimous voice of the combined keepers. It is worth noting that the Primus is most often elected from the Gate or the Gauntlet, rarely from the Spire, and almost never from the Keys.

The Keepers:

The combined authorities on all of the aspects of Clan Structure, the Keepers form a small council that is charged with governing the Clan, maintaining its laws, history, and geneseed, as well as dictating how it wages its countless wars on the enemies of the Imperium.

• Keeper of the Keys - A paragon of willpower and master of the warp. The Keeper of Keys is the Clan's chief librarian and the bearer of its histories. He is charged with the preservation and expansion of the Clan's archives, the maintenance of its relics, and the scourer of it's members mental weakness. The matters of military logistics and reconnaissance also fall under his extensive umbrella, making him the most informed and knowledgeable individual in the clan.

Key Bearers: Functioning as the right and left hands of the Keeper of Keys, the Key Bearers are high ranking codicers under the Chief Librarians tutelage. Much like the Strike Commanders fill in a "second in command" role for the more militant branches of the keepers, the Key Bearers both fill that niche for the Clan's librarium. There is only ever two Key Bearers and only one will be allowed to ascend to the seat of Keeper.

 

Clave X: - The Seekers: Comprised of the clan's body of scouts, the Seekers perform battlefield reconnaissance, information gathering, threat assessment and, when the need arises, assassination. All battle brothers of the clan spend a fair amount of their tactical career serving within the Seekers where they answer directly to the Keeper of Keys before they are granted their armor and are acknowledged as full battle brothers of the Clan.

• Keeper of the Spire - The master of maintaining clarity of purpose and a unwavering perception of the Clan's true path, the Keeper of the Spire represents the perfect fusion of ancient religious and astartes combat doctrine. He is the Clan's Iron Father, a master of technology and bionics whose word is law. It is he who determines who is worthy of the Trials to become a battle brother of the clan, and it is he who judges the purity and value of each clan member. His function is a combination of Reclusiarch, Master of the Forge, Master of Recruits, and Judicator.

Chief Gene-Warden: The equivalent of a Chief Apothecary of other chapters, the Chief Gene-Warden is in charge of safeguarding the clan's gene resources, ensuring that it remains pure and untainted. He answers directly to the Keeper of the Spire in all things and works closely with his superior in the implantation of the clan's extensive bionics.

 

Iron Wards: Responsible for maintaining the armory of Golgoth, and ensuring that the machine spirit of every vehicle is content, the Iron Wards answer directly to the Keeper of the Spire. They are the most diverse and numerous of the Clan's authority, numbering at a dozen techmarines each pair specializing in a particular aspect of war gear or vehicle construction and repair.

 

Gene-Wardens: The core of the Clan's apothecaries, the Gene-Wardens are tasked with battlefield extraction of gene-seed and general medicae functions outside of Golgoth. All of the Gene-Wardens are hand selected by the Keepers from amongst the rank and file of the Clan's battle brothers. After selection they undergo training not only in the medical arts, but also in the implantation and upkeep of the bionics that are fabricated by the Iron Wards.

• Keeper of the Gate - Chosen for strategic prowess and a keen mind for defense, the Keeper of the Gate is the last line of defense for the clan. He represents the unwavering resolve and stoic determination of his people and it falls to him to protect the assets that the fleet leaves behind on Medusa. This includes everything from its recruitment population, to its land behemoth, and its precious gene-seed. Functioning as a Master of both the Watch & the Marches, the Keeper of the Gate ensures that both Golgoth and Medusa remain untouched by the footfalls of Xenos or Heretic.

Clave Prime Squad "Solaris": Squad Solaris of Clave Prime represents the anti-armor specialists of the clans notably large veteran corps. Making use of the clan's meteor strike strategy, they disembark to remove extremely dangerous or important enemy armor and support vehicles from the battlefield, leaving the enemies without the support they require to wage a successful battle.

 

Claves I – III:The Clan's tactical claves which function along the perameters of the Codex Astartes, they take to the field with tactical flexibility in mind often fielding a single specialist and heavy weapon in conjunction. Notably, Bracchus' tactical claves are armed almost exclusively with the symbolic plasma weapons to bring the wrath of the sun to the enemies of the Imperium.

 

Claves VII: Bracchus' only designated squad of assault marines, Clave VII has taken on the role of battlefield recon and specialized target disposal. Preferring to use their jump pack to harass enemy flanks and to perform precision strikes on weak points in the enemies battle lines.

• Keeper of the Gauntlet - Lord of the Fleet and master of the Arsenal, the Keeper of the Gauntlet is tasked with bringing the wrath of Bracchus to all the enemies of the Imperium. His sole function is to orchestrate war upon the enemies of the Clan and to deliver victory to the Imperium at any cost. The Lords of the Gauntlet have also always traditionally been elected from the members of the Dark Sun and, ergo, have also acted as the head of that branch of the clan's hierarchy, taking the war of vengeance to the far corners of the galaxy.

Clave Prime Squad "Khatar": One of three noteworthy squads that falls under the distinction of Clave Prime, the Dark Sun veterans of squad Khatar are specialized in alpha-strikes that are focused on exterminating priority targets, attempting to neuter the enemy of their command structure early on so that the rest of the strike force can capitalize on the confusion and disorder of a leaderless army.

 

Claves IV – V: The Dark Sun's claves prefer medium to close ranged combat with their foes and as such they take to the field with a pair of specialist weapons instead of the more common dictates of the Codex Astartes. With advanced sensory bionics, upgraded reflex servos and hyper-adrenal enhancers the warriors of the Dark Sun are a force to be feared.\

 

Claves VII: Swift, unyielding, and extremely dangerous, the Gargoyle pattern assault harness developed by the Iron Wards are formidable weapons of war, made even more dangerous by the Dark Sun Astartes who pilot them. Designed to take their owner's into the thick of the enemy swiftly while offering a strong combination of defensive and offensive ability, the Gargoyles of Clave VII have been the bane of countless enemies over the centuries.

 
Strike Commanders:

• Selected from the veteran sergeants of the Clan, the Strike Commanders act as the secondary authority within Bracchus. Both the keeper of the gate & gauntlet elect a single aspiring officer to be groomed as their eventual replacement. This ensures that there is always individuals in positions to ensure weakness never takes hold within the Keepers and that any lord that falls in battle can swiftly be replaced by their protege.

Clan Champion:

• Elected by his peers for his indomitable will, unmatched strength of arms, and peerless tactical prowess. The Clan Champion stands as a first amongst equals within Bracchus' Clave Sergeants. They are also marked as the designated leader of Clave Prime's Bastion Squad, making them the most influential individual outside of the Clan's high command. It is usually the Clan Champion that is elected to become the next Iron Father and Keeper of the Spire. Although this is not always the case.

Clave Sergeants:

• No sergeant ever receives his promotion from battle brother based on time served. It is only though victories and triumphs that any member of Clan Bracchus can aspire to leadership. Every sergeant, whether young or old in terms of the mighty astartes, has proven to be a excellent field officer, a cunning tactician, and a powerful combatant in their own right.

Clave Prime:

• Clave Prime Squad "Bastion" - The "top tier" veteran squad within Clave Prime, Bastion specializes in the "machine like advance" methodology. They are the only squad with the authorization to take to the field completely encased in the Clan's precious Tactical Dreadnaught Armor and, due to their distinction as the most skilled combatants of the clan, they also bear the honor of functioning as the Primus Guard when any lord of the clan takes to the battlefield. This squad is comprised of a mixture of Dark Sun and Bracchian Disciples and is the only clan where the two factions work together in a single squad.

Claves VIII - IX:

• Extracted from those of the Clan who are top tier marksmen and equipped with advanced neural interlace and optical hardware, the members of Claves VIII & IX make up the whole of Bracchus' devastator ability. Using their exceptional augury bionics the weaponized members of these claves are able to split their fire between priority targets, their precision volleys taking a heavy toll on any enemy that would stand before them.

Serfs:

• Elected from the most promising and impressive of those who fail to achieve ascension, the Serf's of Bracchus act as a solid foundation for the clan's battle brothers. Addressing all the day to day affairs of their masters without question or hesitation, the Serf's only duty is to ensure that the Astartes of the clan can wage their perpetual war unhindered by any concern that would be deemed as beneath their notice. Most, if not all, of the Clan's serfs are afforded a great deal of respect, many of which ascend to positions of note within Golgoth's administration.

Servitors:
Bracchus has three tiers of Servitors, each providing a very specific and important function for the Clan.
 

Class Three: A menial servitor whose only purposes are to upkeep and repair the Clan's fleet, vehicles, and land behemoth and to act as aids for the Serfs within Bracchus' administratum.

 

Class Two: Aids to the Iron Wards and equipped for battlefield application, Class Two servitors are the most commonly seen outside of Medusa, and indeed within the Imperium at large.

 

Class One: Hyper-specialized servitors equipped with advanced neural links and hyper-sensitive reflex systems, Class One servitors are the "brain" behind the automated fighting forces that Clan Bracchus employs all over the galaxy. They are linked wirelessly to a host of armored vehicles, gunships, and bikes and use their advanced modifications to pilot multiples of these vehicles from a safe location. Class One servitors are extremely valuable to the Clan and as such are often placed under heavy guard.

 

Beliefs

[rightsidebar The Moirae Schism']During the internal chapter war of the Iron Hands, when brother fought against brother over the ideals and interpretations of the tech cults of both Mars and the Moirae forge world,  the more traditionalist branches of Clan Bracchus were once again faced with a radical element that they could not bring to heel. Despite countless years of struggle there was seemingly no resolution to the conflict until the Clan Council met to develop a plan to unify, or at the very least solidify, the Chapter once more. Primus Godric, the youngest Primus in the clan's history, was adamantly against the prospect of severing the rogue element from the clan proper. Using his clan's internal knowledge with the Dark Sun Schism after the Horus Heresy, he insisted that the Chapter needed to remain unified and strong. He preached the words of Bracchus to the other Clan leaders and appealed to their sense of brotherhood and strength. Sadly the majority of the council saw the radicals as a weakness that threatened the whole of the Chapter and disregarded what many labelled as Godric's idealistic resolve and naivety. So, with Godric's words dismissed, the Moirae loyalists were severed from the chapter on peaceful terms, with vows of non-violence that stand to this day. After being gifted with some of the chapters resources such as ships and armor, the radical element was removed and would later be recognized as their own chapter, the Sons of Medusa.[/rightsidebar]
The Bracchian Creed: - The Cosmos shape survival on a harsh world.

• The Creed was developed around the notion that the Bracchian people are descended from beings that used to roam the heavens. It originally revolved around the worship of the astral bodies as deity figures, each star representing an honored ancestor, with the sun being the apex of the pantheon. The grounds of the religion focused on a strong sense of unity and community, a familial bond that transcended blood and distance, something that was as timeless as the stars themselves. The main principles were:
  • Honor the ancients - for it is their wisdom and sacrifice that has allowed us to live.
  • Praise the sun - for it is the giver of life and the beacon to our future.
  • Strength in unity - for together we rise, and together we fall.
  • Defend what you have - for the weak and the lost will attempt to take what is yours.
  • Knowledge is the key - for it unlocks the path to truth.

The Disciples of the Sun: - Devout of the Bracchian Creed

• The traditionalists within Clan Bracchus, the Disciples represent an amalgamation of the old school of religious views merged with the principles of the Imperial Truth. They represent the weapon that was forged from the mortals of Bracchus when the first people of Medusa were gifted with ascension to the ranks of the Great Crusade. However, the Imperial Truth denounces religion completely, and because of this the Disciples have long since altered the Creed to be "principles of conduct" rather than actual religious doctrines. Many of the principles are applied to the Astartes' way of war to both honor their ancestors and stay true to their heritage while still fulfilling their function as weapons of the Imperium.

The Dark Sun: - Sworn to avenge the fall of Manus & the Emperor

• After the tragedies of the Horus Heresy many of the Iron Hands within Clan Bracchus became deeply embittered and consumed by a hatred and rage that transcended that of any normal astartes. They went on a crusade that lasted for centuries keeping only loose contact with the bulk of their clan and the Iron Hands at large. The majority of these crusaders were wiped out before the end of the Heresy, but those that did survive eventually returned to the clan to spread their belief to the future generations. Being so divergent from the rest of the clan, the Dark Sun almost became its own second founding chapter. However, the Keepers decided that they needed to maintain unity and so brokered an agreement with the divergent cell. The traditions and beliefs of the Dark Sun would be integrated into the Clan and a small fraction of volunteers would be allowed to bolster their ranks from each group of new recruits in the generations to come. To this day the Dark Sun undertakes the most dangerous missions and in consistently employed as the vanguard of Clan Bracchus' engagements in the galaxy at large. They are imbued with hatred, instilled with venomous loathing for the heretic and the traitor, and they will not stop until the Imperium is purged of all taint and corruption.

The Trials of Bracchus:

Trial of the Spire: - History, Knowledge & Military Theory

• All of the members of Clan Bracchus, whether mortal or astartes, are expected to have a firm grasp of the history and teachings of the clan. However, when any single member wishes to aspire to the ranks of the Clan's space marines they must undergo the first of many arduous trials. Their knowledge will be tested, the Keeper of the Spire and his mortal acolytes will drill all the initiates on the clan's lengthy history, instill them with the creed of both Bracchus and the Imperial Truth, and finally will indoctrinate them into the world of war. This is the only trial that an individual can fail without dire repercussions. However, failure in the Trial of the Spire brings no small amount of shame upon the aspirant and their family.

Trial of the Void: - True test of resolve & loyalty

• The resolve of an individual aspiring to become an astartes must be absolute. The trial of the void grants the aspirant their first true weapon, a combat blade, which they must use to extinguish the life of someone they hold dear, whether it be family, lover, or friend. The honored sacrifice is celebrated by the clan before being taken into the venerated Golgoth to undergo the ceremonial sacrifice where the aspirant plunges their blade deep into their loved ones heart, where they are required to watch the life fade slowly into nothingness. This trial forces the aspirant to let go of mortal bonds, proving their loyalty and resolve to the clan and their own aspirations, while allowing their loved one an honorable death and the adulation of their family for generations to come.

Trial of the Eclipse: - Conditioning of the Mind

• The Iron Hands know more than most the true threat that the weaknesses of the mind can present and they attempt to destroy it completely at the onset of any aspirants rise to demi-godhood. Through a technique known as nightmare induction, where the Keeper of Keys and his Key Bearers extract an individuals worst fears via telepathy and turn them loose inside the mind of an aspirant, the disciple is forced to face down anything that would render them susceptible to the taint of chaos. Gradually, over many months, the trainee will conquer their deepest fears becoming strong in will and unyielding in mind. Once one has conquered all that can break their resolve, they will be tempered to the threat of corruption.

Trial of the Sun: - Conditioning of the Body

• Having passed through loss and fear, the aspirants are thrown into conflict to harden their physical being. Vigorous training regimes consume every waking minute, threshing all frailty and weakness from the body. Then the true tests begin as each trainee is taught how to make use of every tool and implement of war that a Space Marine must use on the field of battle, from unarmed combat, bladed weapons, and bolters to the heavier and more cumbersome weapons. At the pinnacle of the training all the aspirants are forced to face off in combat where only the strongest will survive. These battles are hosted in a number of dangerous battlefields from volcanic ash lands to frozen tundras where every would-be astartes needs to use their wit, will, and physical strength to prevail over not only the elements but their peers as well. After numerous engagements the remainder of the survivors who showed the most promise are taken to the final trial before ascension.

Trial of Iron: - Wargear Upkeep

• Unyielding resolve, courage beyond doubt, and strength unmatched, the remaining aspirants have proven much. Yet their final trial is one of a deep understanding and respect for the tools which they have already used to spill blood. Each aspirant is gifted with his first set of equipment which he must learn to maintain, and even improve upon. The trial's purpose is to instill respect for the weapons of war and the spirits that dwell within them and anyone found lacking will not ascend to the ranks that they have worked so hard to achieve.

The Smoldering: - Initiation into the Astarte

• Having proven their mettle, the aspirants spend their final moments as mortal men in the ceremonial chamber within Golgoth as the Keeper of the Spire exclaims their past achievements and future glories before they place their exposed hand into a white hot plasma torch in the center of the room. The torch sears their flesh and melts their bones leaving nothing but a smoldering, cauterized stump. Those that pull away are slain outright, as the insult at shunning the honor of ascension is too much to let stand, while those that see it through are left with their agony for a full week before the bionic hand that marks their rise to the Astartes is attached and their ascension completed. The pain is to purge them of weakness, the tie in all the hardship, toil, and turmoil of the trials into on focused point. A final point that all success must come at a price, that pain and sacrifice are paramount to victory, and that weakness is the bane of mankind.

Failure: - Dishonor & Punishment.
Failure in the trials is an expected bi-product of their existence. Hundreds of men enter into the trials dreaming of achieving the status of an angel of death, but few truly see it to completion. The price of failure varies on the level of the trial achieved and can be broken down as follows:
 

Trial of the Spire - Shame and dishonor. Most individuals who fail this test are treated as lesser members of the clan, and are often tasked with the most dangerous and unforgiving jobs.

 

Trial of the Void - Failure to kill a loved one to reach ascension is frowned upon simply by virtue of lacking the conviction to do what must be done. These individuals are "recycled" into servitors for use in the maintenance of Golgoth and other menial duties.

 

Trial of the Eclipse - Being conquered by ones fears is unacceptable, cowardice unforgivable. A weakness such as this presents too much potential for heresy and, having been victim to the horrors of their inner mind, most individuals could not return to a normal life if the option were presented. These individuals are remade as combat servitors who pilot the clan's vehicles and escort the Iron Wards on the field of battle.

 

Trial of the Sun - Having reach the pinnacle only to fail, those aspirants that reach the trial of the sun but fall short have one of two fates. If the failure is so complete and total that no honor can be found in the aspirants performance they are to share fates of those who fail the trial of the eclipse becoming advanced servitors for use in combat. Yet if the aspirant shows true mettle and resolve, simply failing due to being out done by superior combatants  they are allowed to retain their honor and are inducted into the ranks of the clans Serfs. They are arrayed before the newly raised battle brothers before the sundering, and are selected by the successful aspirants to act as aids and trusted attendants for the remainder of their mortal lives.

 

Trial of Iron - Failure in the Trial of Iron does not result in any severe punishment the first time, aspirants who have shown this much promise are allowed to continue until they have an intimate understanding of the tools at their disposal. However, the longer the duration for understanding, the longer the aspirants tenure as a "scout" will be, to ensure that he is worthy of full ascension.

 

The Smoldering - Withdrawing your hand from the Plasma Torch before the Keeper of the Spire deems it time is punishable by death. Either at the hands of the keeper or the battle brothers attending the ceremony. Depending on the gravity of the perceived weakness the preferred method is beheading (for those who hold true for a respectable, if not adequate duration) or by being forced into the plasma torch completely (for those who are particularly weak.)

Combat Doctrine

 
Wrath of the Sun: - Penchant for energy weapons.

• The warriors of Clan Bracchus no longer revere the heavens as their ancestors did, having seen the truth of the emperor's cause, however they still pay homage to their heritage and the principles of the creed in many ways. One such was is by making extensive use of plasma and energy weapons. Symbolically these tools represent the wrath of the sun, using heat and energy to decimate the clan's foes. It is uncommon for any of Bracchus' claves to engage with enemies without a prolific amount of these weapons on hand.

Meteor Strike: - Preference for Drop Pods

• Ever since the Astartes of Bracchus first made their first voyage into space aboard the massive fleet ships of the Great Crusade the claves have developed an affinity for drop pod assaults. They favor such tactics not exclusively because of their efficiency and adherence to the lightning strike mentality, but also because of the symbolism of the Bracchian people once more falling from the heavens, only this time to deliver the wrath of the emperor to his most hated foes. This strategy is so favored that designated assault squads and even the terminator armored veterans of the clan would prefer to make planet-fall in a venerated drop pod rather than the more conventional jump packs or teleporters often employed by other chapters.

Might of the Ancients - Staggering number of honored dreadnaughts

• While the Iron Hands are renowned for their aspirations of cybernetic and bionic perfection and, as a result, their startling number of precious dreadnaught sarcophagi, the armory of Clan Bracchus has 14 precious vessels in its possession. While it is unprecedented for all 14 to be in use at any given moment, it is not uncommon for nine exemplars of the clan to be interred and actively taking the fight to the enemies of the Imperium. Even more notable is Clan Bracchus' tremendous stores of Contemptor Pattern Dreadnaughts. While never confirmed, it is whispered that the Clan of the Sun actually possesses nine such ancient and powerful devices stored safely within the heart of Golgoth. Primus Godric - The Pillar of Iron, Iron Brother Frem - The Sunbringer, and Iron Brother Garl - The Night Talon are amongst the most active and revered heroes to bear the honor of piloting the renowned war-machines in recent history.

Automation: - Artificial Intelligence / Remote Controlled Devices

• Due to the nature of the Dark Sun's crusade, taking a sizable portion of the Clan's resources to wage its constant war of vengeance, the Iron Wards of Bracchus have needed to develop alternative methods of ensuring their alpha-strikes are properly supported. With the aid of the Adeptus Mechanicus, Bracchus has developed advanced neural grids that have been installed into specially selected servitors which will allow them to control vehicles remotely from a secure location on the battlefield. Using this technology Bracchus has modified all of its tanks, bikes, land speeders, and aircraft to support automation, making the majority of the clans fast & armored elements almost completely robotic in nature. This frees up the Astartes of the clan to persecute their battles via the honorary meteor strike, so that they can see their enemies as they slay them.

Geneseed

 
Gene-Flaw: - The purity of Iron, the weakness of the flesh.

• There are many theories surrounding the condition of the Gene Seed of Ferrus and the flaw surrounding its legacy. The removal of flesh and organ in order to "ascend" to the machine is something that is frowned upon by a great many authorities within the Imperium. The inquisition is wary of the obsession and has sent many investigations into its nature, the Ecclesiarchy sees the act as an affront against the Emperor's gifts to the Astartes, and even other Chapter's perceive the act as heretical at the worst, and unnerving at the best. Yet Clan Bracchus is committed wholly to the endeavor of aspiring to the machine and views this goal as noble and true to their lineage as Space Marines and Son's of Manus.

Words of Manus: - The best laid plans of gods and men.

• There are countless theories surrounding the "why" in regards to the Iron Hands obsession with augmentation and countless more in regards to what aspect of their Primarch brought on such a strange quirk. The blanket explanation is the Chapter's loathing of weakness and perhaps their own self-doubt in regards to the results of the Horus Heresy. Yet there is one ancient rumor concerning the desires of Manus and his sons, it is claimed that he intended to halt the chapter's leniency towards bionic ascension before it truly took root. However, his fall on Istvaan made any such plans never come to fruition and now Clan Bracchus views any such theories as insulting. They view the very act of augmentation as a prayer to their Primarch, each implant bringing them closer to his example of the perfect melding of man and metal. Anyone who dares question the purity of the act or the nobility and honor of such a deed will be left no quarter within the iron halls of Bracchus.

Land Behemoth Golgoth

 
The Construction: - Calamity Tamed

• At the climax of the Great Excavation the leaders of Clan Bracchus convened to decide what direction the Bracchian people should take with their most sacred relic. The discussions were heated and divided with many claiming it should be returned to space, others saying it should remain on Medusa where it would be accessible to all the people of the Clan, both mortal and immortal. The end decision was that the metals and technology of the vessel would be divided, half to be reforged into a new space faring vessel, and the remainder to be used to manufacture the Clan's might land behemoth, which would dubbed Golgoth. It would be a gargantuan tower of ceramite and steel so massive in size that it would rival the mountain it was named after. A symbol of the trials and obstacles the people of the clan have had to face from their earliest days and of the goals and challenges they have aspired to conquer over the millennia. On treads the size of cities it lumbers across the wasteland expanses of the planets surface, a beacon of strength and resolve against the darkness of a horrifying and merciless universe.

The Spire: - Ancient and Potent Technology of a Lost Age

• Once a tool to traverse the hostile and unforgiving universe, then a holy icon of paramount reverence, and now a combination of the two. The spire of Golgoth is an advanced relic from an age long before the Emperor united the warring people of Terra under his banner, and it represents an enigma of technology that even the tech priests of mars have been unable to unlock completely. Mounted atop the great land behemoth of Clan Bracchus, the spire acts as the center of the clans intergalactic communications. Strike Forces from all over the galaxy are able to communicate without impairment, unhindered by the fickle ebb and flow of the warp. This allows the Keepers of Clan Bracchus to orchestrate extremely accurate logistic plans over vast distances without fear of mishap or miscommunication, opening up windows of opportunity that other branches of the Imperium may miss out on. It is this holy relic that allows the Meteor Strikes of the clan to land on worlds in need of aid, or to organize the movements of their fleet with little error, the spire is a tool that has allowed the Clan's forces to excel at out maneuvering the enemies of the Emperor for thousands of years.

Clan Fleet

 
Beneficium Reborn: - A true gift to the children of the Sun.

• After the final days of the Great Excavation it was decided that the massive vessels remains be divided between the needs of the Clan's Astartes and the desires of the Clan's mortal disciples. The end result was the construction of the might Land Behemoth Golgoth, which would act as the Clan's military compound and battle fortress of Bracchus' Astartes, and the resurrection of the Clan's heritage vessel, the Beneficium. The ship was reconstructed with the aid of the Mechanicum, using any materials that hadn't decayed or been lost to time in combination with new minerals extracted during the ship's salvation. It was gifted to the mortal population of the Clan as a symbol of their religious piety and a beacon of their faith. In the past the vessel has been conscripted as a military supply ship manned by Medusan Imperial Guard levies, providing much needed resources to nearby warzones, the most notable of which was the Cadian Gate during the last Black Crusade.

Strike Cruiser Solarian:

• In M38 Clan Bracchus responded to a distress beacon sent out from Forge World Ornost, a fleet manufactorum world in the Segmentum Obscurus. The planet was under heavy assault from several platoons of renegade imperial forces looking to subjugate the forge for their overlords. The Keepers committed the full might of the Clan to crushing the renegades. The act of traitorous feet touching a holy forge world enraged each clan member, but none more so than the disciples of the Dark Sun. The Clan forces crashed into the renegade fleet, mounting lightning boarding actions and commandeering several vessels while the Dark Sun took to the planet's surface in an attempt to sever the enemies leadership. After 48 hours of fighting, with the enemies fleet turned on itself and the overlord of the war band slain, the renegades attempted to withdraw only to be chased down and scourged from existence. In honor of their valor and their honoring of ancient pacts, the Forge Lords of Ornost granted the clan their own Strike Cruiser, named after the Keeper of the Gauntlet and leader of the vanguard during the battle, Solarian.

[Conn Eremon]

So . . . is this a Clan-Company of the Iron Hands or a successor Chapter that expands the Clans/Claves to be Chapter/Companies instead of the Iron hand Company/Squads?

[Ravenfeld]

This is a Clan Company of the Iron Hands. Clave is just another term for Squad, as dictated by the information released in "Wrath of Iron."

[Ravenfeld]

Here is some old discussions on the topic of the Trials, figured I'd transfer them over here to address any new questions that might crop up around the same topics!

Thanks!

Uaronain" data-cid="3266340" data-date="Dec 20 2012, 04:17 PM said:
I have to admit I quite enjoyed reading your IA and to fully go over it will require several posts as you went into a lot of detail!

I guess I will start with a few questions about the trials.

1. I don’t understand how you prove loyality to the Clan by killing someone of the clan. I don’t know how it is done? Combat? Just a random murder? What exactly happens? Is it ritual combat, or more of a knife in the dark? What if the one close to you held a vital task to the clan? For example Initiate Bob decides to kill his father someone very important to him. Bob’s father is a skilled or valued member of the clan whose knowledge in some random subject is considered vital to the clan. Bob decided to murder his dad for his void trial, sure he killed someone important to him but that person was more important to the clan and sent them back decades in experience. How does that prove loyalty to the clan by depriving it of a valuable person and weakening it? I always imagined the clans were very rough and tumble sort with medusa being a harsh planet… coupled in the almost constant clan warfare that those who survived would be very valued. I understand the concept in showing no emotion, but having them murder someone of their own clan seems weird to me when everyone considered weak are left to the elements be it children or elderly. I guess in theory it would make the clan stronger as a whole but think of the countless initiates who don’t make it to become a full fledges marine but still manage to kill one of their own?

2. How do they force nightmare induction? Is it like a drug induced stance or something else? How do they know what everyone fears, do librarians use mind probes? I am just curious

I am glad you've enjoyed reading it, as I said to Messor it is most definitely a work in progress and I intend to shift ideas and do a great deal of polishing after I get the deluge of thoughts onto the page.

1. It isn't so much proving loyalty for the sake of proving loyalty as proving you are willing to do whatever it takes to enforce the will of the Clan. If you can pass the threshold of emotional attachment you can transcend beyond the need to cling to mortal ideals of love and family and focus on your primary purpose for existing, war. The sacrifice itself is ritualistic and clean, playing out more like a clean execution than a bloody murder or gore soaked arena scene. This sacrifice is made willingly by the loved one in order to strengthen the clan with the induction of a new Astartes (hopefully anyway). In terms of the individual being sacrificed providing a necessary function or being a well of integral knowledge, Clan Bracchus values redundancy in all things, even outside the Clan Company. That being said there would never be -one- individual who was the only person able to perform any specific task. If you can imagine specialists like mechanics, smiths, hunters, cooks, watch makers, or whatever, would all have multiple apprentices and assistants to take over should they perish. Medusa is a harsh and unforgiving planet and the mortal population can drop dramatically under certain circumstances (Say the ice cracks and three crawlers fall through the ice, taking all of your one mechanic with them... well the clan has gone extinct.) so I would think that the clans would be masters of avoiding the "all your eggs in one basket" practice. On a happy, peaceful world where art and song are paramount this might be a problem, but Medusa is so far from that it isn't even on the radar! That is all personal opinion though, hopefully that answers that?

-- EDIT: Also, on a planet where food and resources are scarce, sometimes the loss of life in a clan can be a valuable asset. Remember, it is survival of the fittest. The fact that they make the sacrifice willingly is part of the whole honor of the situation too, they get the equivalent of a "burial at sea" in Viking culture, top honors and respect. If the initiate fails to become a neophyte they aren't allowed to simply "return to normal life" where they would have to live with what they had done. They are either modified into servitors (an important position, as all the Clan's vehicles require pilots) so that they may still serve or, in extremely rare circumstances, they might become a clan serf and spend the totality of their mortal life at the side of a specific battle brother.

2. Nightmare Induction is a process of psychic invasion, the Librarian pierces the veil of the initiates psyche and probes for their worst fears then pulls them to the forefront of the initiates consciousness, essentially giving them visions of what they fear most. This isn't a surprise practice, the initiates are prepared for the encounter because, if it were a surprise, it could have drastic side-effects on a persons mental state. To use a not so impressive example (and forgive me if you hate the series) but in Harry Potter when Harry faces down the Dementor in the chest, he was aware it was going to happen, but still lacked the stones to face it. I should also point out that these trials don't occur once, like some form of school test, but take years to fully pass through so any one initiate will likely grow through cycles, each nightmare induction session might bring forth a different fear, or perhaps an amplified or altered version of a fear that the initiate perceived as "conquered" only to re-live the terror. I imagine it is a painstaking process of psycho-conditioning that other chapters would have their own methods of tackling.

BassWave" data-cid="3268129" data-date="Dec 23 2012, 01:36 AM said:
Finally had enough time to read your update, and let me just say i'm impressed : I especially like the bit about the smouldering, very hardcore

Although I have a suggestion over the trial where you kill a loved one. Instead of having the person actually killed, have it be a hallucination caused by a librarian? I can't imagine any medusan clan wasting hard working members of the clan, even if there is redundancy.

Man oh man is the trial of the void not popular! While I see what you're saying, and while I know the Astartes don't directly interact with their clan after they ascend into the rank, I would think that even a passing glimpse of their loved one would cause any psycho-induction to fail, and that COULD provide a small fracture to allow Chaos to sneak in, eh? Okay silly arguments aside, I don't perceive the Clans of Medusa as being small by any means, I picture massive nomadic caravans with smoke belching land crawlers dragging themselves along the barren earth. If you think about it it isn't like there is millions of people trying to be Astartes at once. I would think that Clan Bracchus would have maybe several hundred aspirants at any particular time, only a handful of which make it to being an Astartes. This number, in the face of the hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people in the clan is pithy in the grand scope of things. Thus I argue that the taking of 200 lives in order to ensure a strong willed astartes for the clan is a small sacrifice. On that note, we don't have a solid idea of just how many mortals are in a clan do we? Well just going by the precedent of the Imperium at large I am sure it is substantial! I also want to point out that on a planet where danger lurks around every corner baby production would be at a premium !

Aquilanus" data-cid="3268279" data-date="Dec 23 2012, 05:57 AM said:
To add to this, perhaps the the Aspirant has no idea that it's an illusion, and that the choices made by him are measured by both said Librarian and Iron Father (or equivalent) to ascertain their worthiness.

See I still maintain that essentially lying to someone about them murdering someone they care about could come back to bite you in the butt. Forcing them to perform the deed is harsh, but it allows immediate closure AND it isn't as if they didn't know what they were getting into when they became an aspirant. They likely did it with their families blessing as it is a tremendous honor. Some families in the clan have had their sons become space marines for centuries! In regards to their worthiness being ascertained by the Iron Father and Librarian that is the point of the trials themselves. Each trial involves the scrutiny of one wing of the Clan's command structure, so without the approval of each keeper there is no advancement into the ranks.

I think we are looking at this from the perspective of people who view the idea of slaying a family member as a harsh negative, and it surely is, but in a culture where it has been a way of life for thousands of years its hard to say that it would be "too harsh" instead of simply an accepted fact. Is it brutal, absolutely, is it necessary, perhaps, is it effective, yes. If you can come to terms with loss at the onset you can do what needs to be done when it really counts. Just my opinion of course!

[Ecritter]

Kinda late for me today, I'll try to get a review done tomorrow.  I'm kinda been holding back on reviewing chapters recently though.

[crazyterran]

This is a 'company' of the Iron Hands for those who asked.

 

Also, man, as I told you at the local store, Iron Hands aren't a real chapter anyways. :P

[Ecritter]

looks good to me, but I have one question.  You have humans living on Medusa before the ship's crash .... where did they come from?

[Ravenfeld]

looks good to me, but I have one question.  You have humans living on Medusa before the ship's crash .... where did they come from?

 

I wanted to leave a sense of mystery and open-endedness in the article because, the minute I attempt to explain everything on Medusa is the moment that I block anyone else from putting their own imprint on the world. I'll leave it to other Iron Hands players to distinguish where or how their people came to exist on the planet when and if they decide to do so. It would be easy for me to claim to be the progenitors of the entire planets population, but then I wouldn't be making a clan so much as a back-story for the entirety of the Xth legion. That being said it wouldn't hurt to have some reasoning behind who they are.. hmmm.

[Ecritter]

You could easily say they're descents from earlier colonizations ... but that throws off your "outsider" bit.  In the end all humans came from Terra ... maybe they just forgot.

[Ravenfeld]

You could easily say they're descents from earlier colonizations ... but that throws off your "outsider" bit.  In the end all humans came from Terra ... maybe they just forgot.

 

I think in the end that would have to be it. Maybe the first colonists to land on Medusa did so by accident, early vessels pulled into the warp and thrown out into Medusan space where they haphazardly made land fall on the planet and have been forced to adapt and survive ever since. Would make my people a sort of "second wave" and would turn Medusa into some sort of colonial grave yard for lost and abandoned vessels.. but what else can we do? As you say, all humans originate from Terra.

[Ecritter]

From what I just read (offsite), the time of colonization started around M15 and with warp drives in M18 really jumped.  So these people could have been there for 12 thousand years before the crash ... a lot can be lost in that time.

[jokaero weaponsmith]

Could I make a suggestion regarding trail by void could the trial no be of ritual sacrifice on the Golgoth but instead have the aspirant instead escourse the elderly loved one to the 'land of shadows '. Ensuring their loved ones and the aspirants survival on the journey also strengthening their bond only to then sacrifice them in the land of the ancestors. This would tie in a bit more with established iron hands lore while very much keeping it unique to your clan. I suggest this as even as a honour I think medusas own are too strong willed to meekly go to their dead ( any this meek would have been pushed under a land crawler tracks long a go )

[Ravenfeld]

Could I make a suggestion regarding trail by void could the trial no be of ritual sacrifice on the Golgoth but instead have the aspirant instead escourse the elderly loved one to the 'land of shadows '. Ensuring their loved ones and the aspirants survival on the journey also strengthening their bond only to then sacrifice them in the land of the ancestors. This would tie in a bit more with established iron hands lore while very much keeping it unique to your clan. I suggest this as even as a honour I think medusas own are too strong willed to meekly go to their dead ( any this meek would have been pushed under a land crawler tracks long a go )

 

Interesting idea, something to consider. I just don't know if the 'Land of Shadows' would truly be classified as the land of the ancestors. It would make more sense, in this instance, for the aspirant and the honored sacrifice to travel to the Golgoth mountain range to perform the deed. That has a religious significance to the Bracchian people. The Land of Shadows on the other hand is described as a nightmarish landscape where few dare tread and none return from. It is rumored that Necron tombs lurk under the surface, their vast death legions awaiting the moment that they awaken to purge all life from the planet and beyond... I kind of like the Land of Shadows to be a place of mystery and fear, a blemish on the surface of an already hostile world.

[jokaero weaponsmith]

While not in index astartes 3, I thought that all aspirants go to the land of shadows to become supplicants to the iron hands?

Your right the quote isn't land of the ancestors but "land of the ancients".

How ever if Mount Gogoth has clan significance it would make sense for the test to be ther provided the journey is perilous .

I could see sacrifices been willing to do this to ensure that they make it to the summit especially if clan tradition requires all that have heard deaths call ( elderly, sick, super warriors in the making) to travel to the summit , with the general belief that few make it.

And apologies I didn't put this in my first post, fantastic read! Almost wish my boys were from your clan, as it is shall see your boys in a skirmish in the waste of Medusa.

[Ravenfeld]

While not in index astartes 3, I thought that all aspirants go to the land of shadows to become supplicants to the iron hands?

Your right the quote isn't land of the ancestors but "land of the ancients".

How ever if Mount Gogoth has clan significance it would make sense for the test to be ther provided the journey is perilous .

I could see sacrifices been willing to do this to ensure that they make it to the summit especially if clan tradition requires all that have heard deaths call ( elderly, sick, super warriors in the making) to travel to the summit , with the general belief that few make it.

And apologies I didn't put this in my first post, fantastic read! Almost wish my boys were from your clan, as it is shall see your boys in a skirmish in the waste of Medusa.

 

Thanks Jokaero! It's an honor for you to say that really, makes me feel that I am at least staying true to the fiction which is always my goal!

 

I may make alterations to the trial of the void to accomodate the idea of scaling to the peak of Golgoth, but I am not entirely sure if I want to to be honest. I am trying to portray Bracchus as rigid traditionalists and having the deed completed under the close scrutiny of the Keepers seems very important, and I don't think that having the entire clan hierarchy scale the mountain to make sure the job gets done is really in the cards. Inside the land behemoth the Keepers that are off waging war can also watch the event via vid feed if needed. I don't know, i'll mull it over. Its a good idea, just don't know if it meshes with what I'm going for.

[Messor]

I was much more compelled and interested by this new iteration, Ravenfeld, excellent work. My comments are few, at the moment. The first thing that stuck out to me was the use of "sundered" in the early paragraphs. Not wrong, in and of itself, but I didn't get the impression that ship had really been split in anyway, just buried. At any rate, I would at least suggest using it only twice at most, and finding another word for one or two of the other instances.

 

Second, the other human inhabitants: I don't expect you to explain them too much, but they seem to have too firm a grasp on who the Beneficium descendants are with "outsiders". For one thing, they'd all have come from the stars at some point, whether remembering it or not, but more significantly it seems more probable that if they recognized them as having descended from the stars, they would be deified, or at least feared. The religious prejudice flies, just not so well with the natives' understanding of the situation(which the descendants of the Beneficium seemed to be losing themselves).

 

Third, I think one of your biggest challenges will remain the Trial of the Void. It is much clearer now, but convoluted in new ways. The last statement, that the sacrifice is made for the betterment of the clan has a bitter taste to it, as the only real benefit for the Clan is a new Space Marine, who really could have been made without that loss. I think it would be better to reinforce the idea that the sacrifice is celebrated, thanked for the service heretofore rendered, and mourned as anyone might be, except by the Aspirant who dispatches them. He is not permitted to mourn. He must endeavor for detachment. OR allow him to, and the lesson is in the sacrifices a Brother must sometimes make for the sake of the Clan, on or off the battlefield, both of himself and of others. Having the Aspirant 'let go of mortal bonds' while still mortal just seems less impactful than if he were already a fully realized marine, or scout that still had some residual connection to his more human past. I agree that detachment is a key lesson to teach trained killers, but I think it applies more to assassins and stand-alone types than those that fight in units. Detachment from your brothers, well, I suppose its debatable whether or not that's a good thing. I'm inclined to think not.

 

Lastly, the punishments. For the most part, I like them, with the exception of the failure that leads to being made a serf. In the majority of Astartes Chapters, serfs are honored servants and helpers. If that is not the case among those of Clan Bracchus, it could be made clearer. If that is the case, becoming a serf should be relabeled as some sort of mercy, rather than a punishment.

 

I like how its shaping up again. Be sure to have a couple backups this time, hein!

[Ravenfeld]

I was much more compelled and interested by this new iteration, Ravenfeld, excellent work. My comments are few, at the moment. The first thing that stuck out to me was the use of "sundered" in the early paragraphs. Not wrong, in and of itself, but I didn't get the impression that ship had really been split in anyway, just buried. At any rate, I would at least suggest using it only twice at most, and finding another word for one or two of the other instances.

 

Firstly, thank you sir! I appreciate that very much. And thanks for taking the time to give the sizable article a read through, I realize it can be a daunting task for some. In fact that's why I think I'm not getting more replies! Haha! I have remedied the "sundered" issue, I won't deny it is on of my favored words and as such it is a fall back for my brain when I'm not running with 100% creative juices! I think you will find the alterations to be less repetitive. In so doing, I also remedied a few other redundancies and extra long sentences that cropped up! Thanks for catching that.

 

Second, the other human inhabitants: I don't expect you to explain them too much, but they seem to have too firm a grasp on who the Beneficium descendants are with "outsiders". For one thing, they'd all have come from the stars at some point, whether remembering it or not, but more significantly it seems more probable that if they recognized them as having descended from the stars, they would be deified, or at least feared. The religious prejudice flies, just not so well with the natives' understanding of the situation(which the descendants of the Beneficium seemed to be losing themselves).

 

I see what you're saying here, so I took out the whole section referring to "outsiders" and replaced it with a more mortal theme. Paranoia and wariness of those who are not your own. I think that, no matter the good intentions of the Bracchian missionaries, most of the scattered tribes of humanity on Medusa would be wary of those who were not their own. Some might fear the organization of the Bracchian people, others might perceive it as a veiled grab for power, others still might simply distrust the ideals of the creed itself. Many reasons for those who aren't of the Beneficium's blood line to be wary of the creed. Does that better address your concerns?

 

Third, I think one of your biggest challenges will remain the Trial of the Void. It is much clearer now, but convoluted in new ways. The last statement, that the sacrifice is made for the betterment of the clan has a bitter taste to it, as the only real benefit for the Clan is a new Space Marine, who really could have been made without that loss. I think it would be better to reinforce the idea that the sacrifice is celebrated, thanked for the service heretofore rendered, and mourned as anyone might be, except by the Aspirant who dispatches them. He is not permitted to mourn. He must endeavor for detachment. OR allow him to, and the lesson is in the sacrifices a Brother must sometimes make for the sake of the Clan, on or off the battlefield, both of himself and of others. Having the Aspirant 'let go of mortal bonds' while still mortal just seems less impactful than if he were already a fully realized marine, or scout that still had some residual connection to his more human past. I agree that detachment is a key lesson to teach trained killers, but I think it applies more to assassins and stand-alone types than those that fight in units. Detachment from your brothers, well, I suppose its debatable whether or not that's a good thing. I'm inclined to think not.

 

Ah the Trial of the Void! You know what, I loved the discussions that came up around this point in the last rendition and I was honestly hoping more would crop up in this one! I amended the last statement to reflect the respect and honor given to the sacrificed individual. I think I would lean more towards the "not permitted to mourn" aspect, especially since it is only the second trial in a series of trials that will not cease until ascension or failure. Leaving no time for rest or reflection. The bond between battle brothers is one forged in battle, I am not trying to detach the astartes from unity, after all that is a primary tenet of the religious ideals of the clan, more trying to detach them from mortal attachments such as familial ties, love, and the like. The mentality of brotherhood is exemplified if anything, once training is completed anyway.

 

Lastly, the punishments. For the most part, I like them, with the exception of the failure that leads to being made a serf. In the majority of Astartes Chapters, serfs are honored servants and helpers. If that is not the case among those of Clan Bracchus, it could be made clearer. If that is the case, becoming a serf should be relabeled as some sort of mercy, rather than a punishment.

 

I meant for it to be a mercy / honor actually. The fact that you made it that far but fell short shows your resolve and determination. You are strong of mind, strong of will, possess unwavering resolve, and have a strong desire to be a part of the Astartes, but you fall short in the final, more viscious tests of physical ability and aptitude for the slaying of your foes. Rather than being turned away (which leaves too much to chance) or being turned into a servitor (a waste of so much potential) you are assigned to a battle brother to act as a clan serf... I need to extrapolate on that a bit in the post.. I'll make that change.

 

I like how its shaping up again. Be sure to have a couple backups this time, hein!

 

Already have back-ups on my work computer, home computer, and e-mail! Haha!

 

Thanks again,

Raven

 

EDIT: Now a question for everyone, how do you guys feel about the Hierarchy so far? I like what I've said, but I'm not a huge fan of how it is formatted... its very long. I would love to have a picture to better portray the tiers and then just have a block of explanations by tier, that may look cleaner. Any thoughts?

[Messor]

I like the Hierarchy. It's different without being overdone, and the parallels are fairly transparent, any doubt cleared away by the dandy descriptions. I don't think you need to mention what equivalent positions the Keepers represent, but it doesn't hurt. I would only consider putting respective subordinates under each Keeper, i.e. Key Bearers and Iron Wardens under Keepers of the Keys and Spire. That's just how I would organize it, though.

[Ravenfeld]

So I'm curious, I have over three-hundred views and only a handful of people have bothered to respond. I can glean a few possibilities from this:

 

A: The article is too long, so people don't want to commit to a long read - in which case I would humbly request you take the time at some point, I would love your insight.

B: There is nothing inherently wrong with the article, so nothing constructive can be put forward - In which case I would love to hear what it is you like most, or find most interesting!

C: The article isn't interesting enough, or has nothing worthy of comment - Which I don't believe is true at all.

 

I mean there are some big players here on the liber, and other folks just looking for a good read! I encourage you all to have a gander and let me know your thoughts! It is a work in progress, all insight is welcome!

 

Thank you for your time,

Raven

[Aqui]

I have read it, and whilst I enjoyed it, little has really stayed in my head as I'm extremely tired (12.5 hour shift - epic fail ). Regarding your comment about its length. I do tend to prefer IA's that are shorter than yours. That's not to say that the length for yours isn't right. There is a lot of detail about the Clan and it all seems relevant and nothing seems repeated or unnecessary. The layout is easy enough to read (as I said, nothing I've read on B+C has gone in tonight, nothing to do with the length of yours). I have a day off on Saturday. Hopefully I'll have enough wits about me to be able to digest what you've put

In any case, welcome to the Tenth!

[Messor]

That's a pretty standard ratio. Most of my articles(well, most articles in general) have hundreds of views and very few replies. Lots of people just pass through. I like to think the best publicity is to critique other peoples' work, with a handy link or invitation back to yours in your sig.

[Ravenfeld]

Did Aquilanus just welcome me to the tenth? I've been active in the Iron Hands scene for at least five years on this forum, in fact I welcomed you aboard when your Steel Wings made their debut and have actively commented on stuff in Purge the Weak, Codex: Iron Hands, and numerous other Iron Hands related topics! Am I so forgettable? *sigh*

 

Fair enough Messor, fair enough. I'm just surprised some of the more outspoken members of the liber, such as Octa and Griph. I'm definitely trying to get into other folks articles too, after all what goes around comes around.

[Ecritter]

Count me as guilty, I look at every article that has been updated daily.

[Ravenfeld]

Okay, I moved some stuff around in the Hierarchy (what a headache...) although I still think I might do a picture kind of like the one in Wrath of Iron, would be pretty cool I think.

 

Getting close to complete now, just need to get the gene-seed and fleet out of the way and that is pretty much all she wrote, hope I get more comments before I put the metaphorical pen down on this project! Thanks to everyone who has been involved in both iterations to date, I really do appreciate your insight!

 

Also, I am getting really fed up with the freaking editor not letting me space things the way I want to.. every three attempts ends up f-ing the whole damn article up with spacing and bullet points, links go dead, code disappears... very aggravating. I've probably spent as much time repairing errors as I have actually writing the article. Its especially nice when it "saves" an edit to only have it revert back to what it was 15 minutes before, still completely messed. Any tips on not table flipping?

 

Thanks.

[Ecritter]

Try using full editor, and you can open the BBCoding too if that's a problem ... but I don't have to do that every time, just use full editor and I don't have problems.