The unsung

[Guest Musketeer12]

Hi all, just thought i would put this here. This is the beginning of the background fluff i have for my upcoming heresy army, based on the Dusk Raiders/ Death Guard at the time of the heresy. Please remember i am not the best writer in the world and that i am still young and willing to learn. C+C welcome:

 

Prologue-
The Unremembered Martyrs

Many men in high places of the Imperium have heard of the Great Heresy; of the titanic battles fought between the greatest of beings, of the sacrifices the Astartes made to protect those who could not protect themselves. The Inquisition speak of Horus, of how his disloyalty lead to the near destruction of mankind and the corruption of it's pinnacle beings. The Ecclesiarchy speak of how the God-Emperor struck down the Arch-Traitor, breaking his body beyond repair and only to return when the time of ending returned once more.

 

To the common rabble of mankind the tales told around guttering fires in the dead of night; or in fiery sermons delivered by the most devout of clergymen, the stories tell a different story. The tales speak of nothing less than the apocalypse itself, the time when mankind was tested like never before. They tell of how the Space Marines; legends unto themselves; stood fought and died in untold numbers in terrible wars against each other. In hab-blocks on holy Terra and the Sol system they tell of the titanic battles fought for the soul of mankind; in the mud-huts on Hestus IV the tales speak of how the Sky Warriors slew each other in the name of rival deities, and the forges of Grimdark they speak of Manus' sacrifice and in the Stars of Doom the elders tell stories of Corax's flight.

 

Many of the tales told by the common man recollect the Siege of Terra, when the Arch-traitor was cast down into the uttermost depths of hell. Some of the stories speak of the terrible betrayal on Istvaan V, when men believing their brothers in arms would embrace them were cut down in the name of gods to foul to mention. A precious few of the stories tell of the events on Istvaan III, of how the most faithful of the Emperor's followers were cast out by their brothers and methodically slaughtered. All of these stories remember the fighting around the main drop sites, of how many of the loyal Emperor's Children, Death Guard, Sons of Horus and World Eaters were killed by their blood brothers, forgotten and hated by their biological fathers.

 

None of these stories remember the 15^th Brotherhood, 7^th Grand Company of the Death Guard and the 23^rd Kreytanian Heavy Infantry. Though their bodies have long turned to dust, their names and identities forgotten in an uncaring Galaxy; their conviction to duty was unsurpassed; and their sacrifice
one of the most noble in Man's history.

[Sevatar]

Sounds awesome! The fluff looks top notch as well. Good luck!

[Outlander90]

Hi Musketeer12, an awesome prologue so far. Very good beginning. I like how you describe the setting through different angles. I like your prose. Only one spelling error,

 

In hab-blocks on holly Terra and the Sol system they tell of the titanic battles fought for the soul of mankind; in the mud-huts on Hestus IV the tales speak of how the Sky Warriors slew each other in the name of rival deities.

 

Holly Terra here needs to be Holy Terra. Another thing, when you describe how the population of Hestus IV recollects the tales of the heresy I find that one example of a world recalling the events of the heresy  stands out all alone. If you were to add some more examples then I think the impact would be more profound on the reader, for example;

 

In the forge-cathedrals of Greatheart the forge-cardinals praises the virtues of the War-forged sons of Manus to the toiling masses while in the void sealed orbitals of Miramis the Proctor General leads the colony in a month long period of fasting to give praise to the great deeds of Corvus Lord of Ravens.

 

Can't wait for the next part. 

[Guest Musketeer12]

Hi guys, here's the next part and fixed the bits you mentioned:

 

Chapter1- An enmity is forged

 

Pacification of Thantos, Five Years before the Betrayal on Istvaan III

The bombardment was slacking of. It had raged unabatedfor three days and three nights, filling the horizon with thunderous explosions that tore great plumes from the ground by day, and light up the sky with fiery conflagrations by night. Speaking to one another had been impossible through anything less than an otherwise
deafening vox channel. But soon that would be all over, and I know exactly what that means.

It means soon we will be in the only constant of out existence in the service of the Emperor, the Inferno of War. Soon we will be killing once more, butchering those who stand in the quest for an enlightened mankind. We will loose brothers, those closest and dearest to us, but this will only fuel our resolve to leave none in
our bloody wake.

The artillery fire had stopped now, the time had finally come. The waiting was over, the time to strike has finally come. In minutes we will be striding out into the inferno, Gods walking amongst men. At a nodded command, the 15^th Brotherhood formed up behind me. We were exceptionally closely packed, barely three hundred meters separated me, at the head of the spear tip, from the support squads at the rear.

Behind us the Kreytanians formed up. They were good soldiers, they had proved themselves enough times for us not to doubt them. They were trusted to never stop in fighting, never falter. All twenty seven thousand of them deserved respect. They split into two main groups, spreading out along our flanks with several of our
Dreadnoughts and predators intermixed within their ranks, who could provide effective support until they reached the walls.

Our artillery has stopped firing now, but the enemy batteries still haven't opened up. Something must be wrong. We cannot stop, however. Typhus wants this world pacified and it will be done,damn the consequences. The calm before the storm has ended, and now the storm will break.

“Brothers, let us tear down this Tyrant's final bastion to uncover what he is truly made of, Honour and Glory my friends!” I thrust my right hand in the air, symbolizing the bloodshed we will inflict on our enemies and the pain we are willing to withstand in the service of our fathers and ancestors.

 

Fathers. That simple word divided me and my brothers terribly. Us old hands believe our loyalties should lie first with the Emperor and then Mortarion. Sadly the majority no longer believe with us. They see Mortarion as the savior of Humanity, not the Emperor. They cite that his deeds on Barbarus are sufficient and prove that Mortarion is the superior being in the whole of Mankind. Of course, what these Barbarus whelps forget is that it was the Emperor who found and saved Mortarion, and began the crusade that made all the glory they had won possible.

I pushed these thoughts from my mind, for now brotherhood and trust is all that matters. We have a mission to accomplish, tyrants to dethrone and I will see it done. I vox the order, and me and my brothers advance into hell.