The Wilds - Tales from

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[Carrack]

I've read up to "Awaken". I'm continually amazed at the cunningness of your plans. I'm certain Esrah has a cat that he pets while he sits on a throne and laughs maniacally when the narrative shifts away from him. :) excellent writing, as usual.

[paulJam]

I've read up to "Awaken". I'm continually amazed at the cunningness of your plans. I'm certain Esrah has a cat that he pets while he sits on a throne and laughs maniacally when the narrative shifts away from him. excellent writing, as usual.

cheers carrack. mr bigilsworthius is pleased you made it to the underground lair.

my biggest worries writing this were;

a) is the story to bogged down with 'factual' or just plain dull. i tend to skip through actions briefly in order to get to specific bits that interest me as a story imaginer. but i also dont want to leave too many gaps of history. does that show? as in 'more trite, tried and true fleet battle summary', yawn, skip to next bit?

b) i've read a fair bit over the years and reading people like stephen donaldson and even stephen king they often fill pages with minutiae of sometimes rather mundane things. apart from my own lack of patience to put in such descriptions, i tend to find that as a read i skip through such descriptions. do i have enough/too much description?

c) are the plots too much? too safe? too foolproof? one of my objectives is to present a chapter that utiliizes how cunning i believe astartes should be. sure, there's absolutely a place for kick the door down/flame everything; are the plot twists too much? too unbelievable or implausible given the paths i've used to get them there?

any feedback greatly accepted, even sweeping generalities.

[Carrack]

I've read up to "Awaken". I'm continually amazed at the cunningness of your plans. I'm certain Esrah has a cat that he pets while he sits on a throne and laughs maniacally when the narrative shifts away from him. excellent writing, as usual.

cheers carrack. mr bigilsworthius is pleased you made it to the underground lair.

my biggest worries writing this were;

a) is the story to bogged down with 'factual' or just plain dull. i tend to skip through actions briefly in order to get to specific bits that interest me as a story imaginer. but i also dont want to leave too many gaps of history. does that show? as in 'more trite, tried and true fleet battle summary', yawn, skip to next bit?

b) i've read a fair bit over the years and reading people like stephen donaldson and even stephen king they often fill pages with minutiae of sometimes rather mundane things. apart from my own lack of patience to put in such descriptions, i tend to find that as a read i skip through such descriptions. do i have enough/too much description?

c) are the plots too much? too safe? too foolproof? one of my objectives is to present a chapter that utiliizes how cunning i believe astartes should be. sure, there's absolutely a place for kick the door down/flame everything; are the plot twists too much? too unbelievable or implausible given the paths i've used to get them there?

any feedback greatly accepted, even sweeping generalities.

A: I don't think you over did it with the factual breakdowns of what is happening, you may have come close, but didn't exceed it. I say that because with this book I originally thought it was a little to much of gap filler that could be waved away with, "Esrah established a network of spies." For example. But as I read more, I realized what you were doing, and it made sense. You aren't going down the expected route of the Kraits Divergent leave the Metamarines and almost immediately start putting spikes on things and horns on their helmets. I think it may happen, but not right away, and I'm not sure it will happen. This is good plot development, and much more nuanced. The only minor drawback I see in this, is that it limits your character development when you have The Narrator tell what happens next. You tend to develop much better when the character are in the story, obviously.

Incidentally, I run into this problem often with my stories. For example, in the Shield, I want my Renagade platoon leader, Ramone, to get to his next fight, but I felt I had to write a story on how he got reinforcements, and upgraded his guns. It was a whole story about a favorite character of mine, but it was logistical and boring. His next story is the one I want to write.

B: I don't think you have too much descriptions. I once read a book by some author that was supposedly very good, Faulkner I think, but I'm not sure, definitely a book that was required reading somewhere for educated people unlike myself. He had two pages describing a sunset. I didn't read another page. But scifi is different, one of the big draws is world building, what is a planet like, what are the giant lizards doing there, why do the people act the way they do in this unique setting, and other things described in scifi are a draw for me.

C: The Plots are very intricate, and as far as showing Astartes to be just as mentally capable warriors as they are physically capable warriors, you have done that, and I agree with showing that side when it is appropriate, which it is in this book. But I think you might be running into a problem that I have, a tendency to write one sided victories. This was less obvious in the first book. Perhaps every now and then, you could have a well planned mission get thrown into disarray by an unexpectedly competent adversary, but then have your Astartes adapt to the circumstances. You still show the Astartes as elite warriors, but by acting fluidly rather than just always succeeding in their planned missions.

Anyway, I'm going to save the rest of the book for tomorrow's coffee. It's really good, the book, the coffee is ok :)

[Carrack]

Awesome ending! When will the next installment begin?

[paulJam]

Awesome ending! When will the next installment begin?

thank you!

 

i've had some lines coming to me over the last couple of days and have been looking at my story overviews during the last week.... few weeks i guess.

was hoping for some feedback before starting on the next so thanks a lot of that. definitely food for thought.

 

re one-sided victories - i was feeling that myself but had (in this case) put it down to accepting smaller challenges and running from bigger ones, basically lowering their risk. Have some future twists due for that though.

re narrated sections - i didn't want to be describing 'space flight' or 'battle content' all the time. i should probably put some more effort into looking at other events happening during that time and including the details through that.

 

thanks again for your advice and insights.

 

btw the keeper short series was good reading. are you going to be continuing with that format for that character?

[Carrack]

I'm looking forward to the next book when it comes out. As for Keeper, he may have met his end from the loyalist, but I might have him survive without his possession, to have him tenderly interrogated by the Angels of Immolation Chaplain.

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[deathspectersgt7]

Good reads I only had one like left.

[Carrack]

I'm glad your back at it. The last one was especially good.

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