++ Turpe Et Dicere ++

[Kizzdougs]

Wow! What a dream-team :tu:

 

I only just got around to reading both pieces of fluff (I had the page saved on my laptop but not enough time to read it yesterday) and I have to say I'm totally in awe of the creativity and skill evident in both pieces.

 

Fingers crossed that this thread inspires you both to keep things turning over on the hobby and painting side too. 

 

 

 

 

Ps. I'll still be keeping an eye out for both of your ETL vows...

[Brother-Chaplain Kage]

Thanks kizzdougs. :) This will light a fire under my ETL vow, you can be sure.

 

I'm definitely going to be striving to build and paint more minis than I have in years for this thing, and as a hobbyist Photoshopper, I'm going to try to do photomanip pieces for as many figures as I can.

[Kizzdougs]

That's great to hear! I'm looking forward to seeing what you come up. Vall has really stuck in my head as a character :)

[Augustus b'Raass]

Wow, hyeana and BCK, those are two bestiful and evocative pieces of writing. Consider yourselves subbed.

 

Also:

@hyena: that preacher conversion is fantastic.

@BCK: beautiful picture. How on earth...?

[Olis]

Wow, jasp and BCK, those are two bestiful and evocative pieces of writing. Consider yourselves subbed.

Also:

@jasp: that preacher conversion is fantastic.

@BCK: beautiful picture. How on earth...?

I think you mean 'Hyaenidae', not 'Jasp'.

[Augustus b'Raass]

^^my bad! Apologies, hyeana. Editted accordingly,

[Brother-Chaplain Kage]

Just some photo manipulation with Photoshop. There are thousands of tutorials on the subject out there in the interwebz.

[GhostMalone]

Ha! Augustus you crack me up I wish I was hyaenidae with that level of narrative

[marine7312000]

I always love seeing Hyena and BCK's work. Keeping an eye on this.

[Flint13]

Wow. Guys this is excellent.

 

The models are top notch so far, but the fluff is unfairly excellent. Can't wait until the next installment! :D

 

Every little bit of prep work you've put into this project shows through and is paying off exceptionally.

[Hyaenidae]

+Intermission+

- A Pictographic History of the Heavenfall Chapter, Iconoclasts, XVII Legion; Second Series -

Sergeant Arieh

Lifeguard Desoeka

Legionnaire Jabres

[Soldier of Dorn]

Desoeka looks beautiful,mate! ;)

 

Just keep it coming, keep it coming.

[Son of Carnelian]

So forgive me if this question seems dull-headed, but does this mean that The Day the Palace Fell has come to a close? I don't follow the AoD threads closely enough it seems. 

 

Obviously everything here rules though. Can't wait to see more!

[Scribe]

Credit where due, the Salamander helm's work great with the flame motif. 

[Brother-Chaplain Kage]

You guys believe this stuff? I'm his project partner and I've never seen those new figures before. On the other hand, it is nice to be surprised every once in a while. :)

SoC - I'll defer to Hyenas about that, but I don't believe this means the death of the other. My VIII Legion character, Vall, did make an appearance in the other thread, so there's that tie.

I had hoped to have an update on here sooner than where I currently am, but I'm still working on my ETL vow and my muse suddenly decided I needed to completely re-do one of the figures I had almost finished. I'm also in the process of getting some custom Sons and Dusk Raiders decals done, and once all of that is ready to go, I should have a couple of big updates to drop on you guys. Be warned, the next story update is going to be long.

[Hyaenidae]

As always, thanks for the comments, y'all. :)

So forgive me if this question seems dull-headed, but does this mean that The Day the Palace Fell has come to a close? I don't follow the AoD threads closely enough it seems.

Obviously everything here rules though. Can't wait to see more!

Oh! Nononononono, good sir. We just took a temporary pause due to a number of real life priorities in all of our lives, we should be back on track very shortly. Matter of fact, one of the reasons this update is just a Intermission is due to my writing energies being devoted to the next chapter of the XIV Dragoons.

This is just something that has been slowly eating my brain, and I had to take a shot at it.

Credit where due, the Salamander helm's work great with the flame motif.

*low bow* Thank you, the first time i saw them on FW, I knew their fate, lol.

You guys believe this stuff? I'm his project partner and I've never seen those new figures before. On the other hand, it is nice to be surprised every once in a while.

What's the fun in going to the ice cream shop if all you eat is vanilla? :P But yeah, I like being sneaky once in a while, lol.

I had hoped to have an update on here sooner than where I currently am, but I'm still working on my ETL vow and my muse suddenly decided I needed to completely re-do one of the figures I had almost finished. I'm also in the process of getting some custom Sons and Dusk Raiders decals done, and once all of that is ready to go, I should have a couple of big updates to drop on you guys. Be warned, the next story update is going to be long.

Foaming at the mouth here, can't wait to see this story, brother.

[Barabbas Sogalon]

That's some beautiful Iconoclasts.

[Balthamal]

Breath taking work brother. Running out of superlatives you keep this up

[Urauloth]

Whoa.
 

I like the XVIIth after Colchis as much as before, but their pre Primarch history is something very rarely explored.

 

I'm obviously a huge fan of the XVII post-Colchis as they're my main 40k project (and will be my 30k project as well) but it's very rare and very, very cool to see them being done not only pre-heresy but pre-Lorgar.

 

The fluff in this thread is absolutely top-notch, it hardly needs minis. Helps that it has them and they're great, though.

[KBA]

Like the others have said, amazing writing, Hyaenidae . Hooked.

[Brother-Chaplain Kage]

http://i.imgur.com/ngqOOTn.png

 

-- Chapter 2.1: Fall of the XXI Company --

 

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

    They called it the Sea of Rust, and it seemed an apt name to Severen Erris.

    Sixteen centuries ago, a hive had been raised here - small by the standards of such sprawling monstrosities as the Planalto conurbation of Hy Brasil or the dark stain of Nord Merica, Old Detroi - and perched in the middle of the lush, green valleys of Oxitania like an encrusted jewel in a crown. The hive's original name is forever lost to time, but it was known to be unusual in that it did not desecrate the land around it, taking great pains to maintain a balance with one of the last green havens of Terra.

    It died in a single night of atomic fire and radiation that scoured its valleys down to bare rock.

    The survivors were forced underground and would slowly strip the hive to its bones for the building materials they needed, but even with these mighty salvage operations, tens of millions of tons of steel and iron were left to rust away under centuries of unrelenting acid fog and rain. It became a desert of sorts, with great dunes of minute chips of rusted metal spreading across an area hundreds of kilometers in diameter. The ruins of the old hive now loom over the expanse of ferric sand like a deathly spectre of ages past and grandeur lost.

    It would be here that the forces of King Gotha would stop the incursion of the XXI Company of the Dusk Raiders.

    
    Severen batted away the massive zho-kren's chain axe with with a backhanded slap of his powerfist and had to give ground as the giant came back in with blinding speed. It was a feint his opponent didn't see coming and he stepped inside his enemy's reach, obliterating its hand and the lower haft of the chain axe with a solid punch from his powerfist. The zho-kren dropped to its knees, howling in rage and pain as it cradled the wounded arm, and Severen knew he had scant moments before the powerful stimulants and pain killers would surge into its bloodstream, turning it into a berserk killing machine.

    He raised his bolt pistol to finish it off when a searing bolt of energy flashed before him, disintegrating his left hand and pistol into a puff of dark smoke. With a snarl, he charged forward - ignoring the second zho-kren for the moment - and swung his powerfist for all he was worth, caving in the giant's chest with such force that his back erupted in a shower of blood and viscera. A strangled cry and a loud crash signaled the end of the second zho-kren.

    

    Captain Blackwoode pulled the steaming blade of his powersword from the giant's gut and hurried over to Severen. "I got the one that took your hand," he voxed. "How bad is it?"

    "Startin' t' feel it now. Cauterized it right up, so there en't no bleeding."

    Blackwoode leaned in close, using their personal command vox channel. "They're taking us apart, Sev. I want an orderly displacement back through those tunnels-"

    "We're retreating?" Severan asked, incredulous. "We don't retreat, Mar."

    "If we don't go now, there won't be anyone left to inform the Legion Master of what happened here! We'll reinforce at the border and-" Another bolt from the damnable zho-kren energy rifles cut Captain Marek Blackwoode in half at the waist and scored deep wounds across Severen's legs, just above the knees. He pitched over onto his back, writhing in agony as Marek gasped and choked on his own blood over the vox channel.

    "Marek!" Severen screamed, turning onto his stomach and crawling back to his friend. "Captain!"

    Blackwoode's helmet turned slowly to regard Severen. "Don't die here," he rasped, his voice thick with fluid. "Reinforce and crush these bastards. The Legion... must... know."

    Just as he reached Marek's body, the signifier icon winked out on Severen's helmet display, indicating both of Blackwoode's hearts had ceased functioning. With tremendous effort, he slowly got to his feet and opened a vox channel to all the remaining squads. "This is Centurion Erris. Captain Blackwoode has fallen. We're t' fall back to the caves and begin an orderly retreat for the border. I want all squad leaders t' copy me immediately for compliance." The answers came in, grudgingly, and there were far too few of them for Severen's liking.

    "We'll have 'em yet, lads. They've not seen the last of the XXI."

 

 

 

http://i.imgur.com/7IrdgsM.png

 

++Last known image of Centurion-Champion Severen Erris of the XIV Dusk Raiders, XXI Company, directing troop displacements on Day 1 of Oxitania mission.++

[jimbo13]

I NEEDZ MORE!!! MORE FLUFF FOR THE FLUFF GOD

[Conn Eremon]

Mostly making this post so that it will show up when I look for new content, but to give it some meat, I do have some C&C to provide.

 

The lore and models are, unsurprisingly, great. You two consistently deliver, and they make keeping tabs on your work a real treat. But I do feel that the dialog is off.

 

Hyaenidae's is hard for me to explain, but it mostly boils down to: They don't quite sound like Legionaries. But that said, I've read enough of Hyaenidae's posts to know that they do sound like his image of Legionaries. So this isn't really a complaint, because I can tell we are simply of two different minds on this front, and of course his writing will, and should, reflect his own mind.

 

BCK's dialog is great in how they sound and act, but the writing is . . . I don't know the right term for it, but it's basically written as enunciated, drawing attention to accented speech. Often, this kind of dialog runs frighteningly close to caricaturing, and generally the difference comes down to how much it's used. Sporadically, it can add flavor. Thoroughly peppered throughout each sentence, and it ends up a caricature. This could just be me, and the manner in which I read this style of writing. Maybe I can't help but read it, and my mind-theater puts up a caricature to act it out. If that's so, then maybe this one complaint of mine has no ground to stand on. To be more constructive, I've always felt a better way of conveying different speech patterns (or whatever it's properly called) is to provide a brief description of it when the character first speaks, and add occasional descriptors attached to subsequent dialog to reinforce. In this way, the manner in which the characters speak is still properly conveyed, while the actual dialog is conveyed more simply and without threat of caricaturing. For instance, a southern drawl might be described, but aside from an occasional "y'all," you won't see the dialog as written actually spell out how words may be drawn out. This can especially be true with non-English (as a first language) speakers where their accented English is spelled out instead of described early on and then written normally. Seeing "herro" instead of "hello" written out will almost immediately make the character into a caricature, whether or not that was the writer's intention. Neither of these examples are specific to your characters, I'm just providing them to hopefully better explain where I am coming from. I've given the same speech to someone else who had the same dialog-writing habit with Cajun-themed characters. The writing is good, but I have to struggle at times to prevent the characters from coming across as caricatures in my head.

 

In both cases, the issues I have with the dialog are rather minor in comparison to the evocative models, and the enticing way in which the rest of the lore-writing draws you in.

[Marshal Rohr]

Clockwork Orange was a great book and I'm not quite sure it was english. Accents in text require time for the mind to refocus itself and fill the gaps in speech. I reread the piece several times and now it's not an issue.

[Hyaenidae]

Hyaenidae's is hard for me to explain, but it mostly boils down to: They don't quite sound like Legionaries. But that said, I've read enough of Hyaenidae's posts to know that they do sound like his image of Legionaries. So this isn't really a complaint, because I can tell we are simply of two different minds on this front, and of course his writing will, and should, reflect his own mind.

 

To be honest, I also intentionally went a little deeper than I normally would into a Legionaire's emotions, as I've always seen the XVII as a legion of passion and dedication, no matter the point in their history. It was a bit of a gamble, but i wanted to not only show that there is something deeper in this breed of astartes, but also the very first chip in the pillar of Noam's mind, which will widen as the story progresses.

 

Noam is my take on the Imperial Heralds of old, the spirit of the proto-legion encapsulated in a single living being. I'll be flipping between Noam and Lucan with my stories, to show two radically different paths in the XVII's development, spiritually.

 

 

 

 

Now, Lucan's story... that will be far more... unique. And will potentially label me as a 'basketcase'.

 

 

Of course, I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested.

 

Appreciate the compliments and criticisms, y'all.  :)