IA: Red Sentinels

[Doctor Perils]

  As for the Silver Sons... I hadn't thought about when exactly they were founded yet. Let's pluck a number out of the air, shall we? Uh... fourteenth. There we go. They were of the fourteenth founding (which should be sometime in M35).

 

Wow, I've just checked on the Warhammer wiki for the 14th founding (actually 36th millenium according to them, but close enough). Guess who's the only chapter that's officially from that founding ?

 

The Blood Legion...

[Olis]

Are the Red Sentinels taken from Baal Secundus?

This would explain their decision to stay on Waste - homesickness.

Do Space Marines get homesickness?

With the exception of a veteran training cadre directly from the Blood Angels Chapter, none of the Red Sentinels will have seen Baal, I think. Their first major deployment was along the southern galactic rim. They'd be closer to Ultramar than Baal.

As for the Silver Sons... I hadn't thought about when exactly they were founded yet. Let's pluck a number out of the air, shall we? Uh... fourteenth. There we go. They were of the fourteenth founding (which should be sometime in M35).

Wow, I've just checked on the Warhammer wiki for the 14th founding (actually 36th millenium according to them, but close enough). Guess who's the only chapter that's officially from that founding ?

The Blood Legion...

Huh. That's interesting. Looks like the Silver Sons and the Blood Host (or Crimson Host) was raised alongside other BA successors, then.

[Doctor Perils]

Yeah, I had been thinking that I'd try and do the Crimson Host (that one's going to be final now ^^) at a completely different time to the Silver Sons, but we could just go all out and say that there were an impressive quantity of Blood Angels successors created during the 14th founding, or something of the sort.

 

If ever you read the descriptions of the Blood Legion, I'm sure you'll see why I'd try and avoid expanding on them : lightning blue tiger stripes on red...

 

 

Looking forward to how you're going to answer Ace's comments in your article.

[Olis]

If ever you read the descriptions of the Blood Legion, I'm sure you'll see why I'd try and avoid expanding on them : lightning blue tiger stripes on red...

 

I'm assuming that this particular piece of information came from James Swallow's Twitter feed, judging by the cited sources and cross referencing with Lexicanum. I'm not entirely sure that the 40k wiki can be trusted with such information (and it's sloppy source citing). I wouldn't take that particular piece of info seriously.

 

 

Looking forward to how you're going to answer Ace's comments in your article.

 

Yes, well, he's given me more work so I'm going to have to knuckle down on the weekend and iron out some of the kinks. Hopefully the article will be the better for it.

[Doctor Perils]

Actually, the tiger stripes part is indeed in Red Fury... Couldn't tell you the page though

[Olis]

Actually, the tiger stripes part is indeed in Red Fury... Couldn't tell you the page though

It is? Looks like I have a book to read... ^_^

[Ace Debonair]

Looking forward to how you're going to answer Ace's comments in your article.

Yes, well, he's given me more work so I'm going to have to knuckle down on the weekend and iron out some of the kinks. Hopefully the article will be the better for it.

That's my intent! As always, I only hope to help.

I like this Chapter enough that I'm willing to put it against the grinder to smooth out any imperfections.

If there's any details you need help developing, I'd be more than happy to help where I can.

That's the Liber way!

... I also suddenly realise that I've outlasted all the old Liber regulars who used to shred apart everything I wrote until it was built up as strong as steel, proof against faults, plot holes or other flaws.

I honestly don't know how I feel about that.

I'm still too young to play the role of a grizzled old veteran, for one thing!

[Brother Argent]

Sad times in Liber, hey Ace. Though not all are gone, just many are sleeping. I haven't been around the Liber much myself but I see it might be time for me to fully implement my "glorious" return

I need to get back to both writing and critiquing articles again.... Stay tuned on this one Olis

[Olis]

I need to get back to both writing and critiquing articles again.... Stay tuned on this one Olis

 

I'll go put on some padding. ;)

[Brother Argent]

Hey i was always the nice guy with my comments. I was like the warm gentle breeze after the octavulg or nightrawen storm...

[Ace Debonair]

I'm actually getting nostalgic about how people used to mercilessly analyse and rip apart work I'd spent hours and hours writing up.

I remember it used to get on my nerves, but I do kinda miss the ol' heavy-duty, bowling-ball level C&C now that it's largely a thing of the past.

...I'll stop hijacking this thread now.

Totally looking forward to seeing this Chapter updated, though. They're pretty cool.

[Olis]

Battle Honours and Combat Doctrine has been added, as well an image of a Black Marked and two edits in the rest of the text. Edits relating to Ace's critique haven't yet been taken. I am pretty certain what has been added will need editing further, so any critique will not come as a surprise. ;)

[Draakur]

Still loving it You're doing good work here.

Some thoughts/concerns:

- The battle of Cyclopia Proximal seems relatively insignificant - in fact you've gone out of your way to make that clear - so I don't quite understand why it's considered noteworthy in a briefing of the Chapter's history. The world fought for was mostly unimportant, the fighting itself seems one-sided throughout every stage of the proceedings, and no great prize was won/glory earned/sacrifice made. War is war of course, and it's what Marines live for, but it sounds more like a campaign the Sentinels would have found dull and irritating, rather than something to remember. Wondering if you need to juice this up or raise the stakes somehow?

I actually like a lot of the details and how you've put it all together, I have no critique there, but as something being entered under "Battle Honours", maybe something needs changing.

- The Silver Sons story is top notch, I like this narrative and it generally feels both unique and believable. I've read through a few times though and don't think I'm missing anything - have you forgotten to close up the section on the Sentinels sending a force out to the Emerald Keep to investigate, before the last of the Sons showed up looking for help? Wondering if perhaps the Sentinels force found more specific evidence that the Inquisitor missed, relating to the nature of the corruption that took the Sons?

Keep it up, looking forward to whatever's next!

+edit+

Noticed the tone (and grammar) is starting to change a bit, feels like it's getting a little looser/more casual. You did mention you know further edits will be required and maybe this was part of what you were alluding to - just making it known anyway

[Olis]

There has been progress today, even though it's only a small amount. Breaking the writers block is a tough thing. The Cyclopia Proximal notable battle has been tweaked.

 

Edit - Ace's critiques have been addressed in a new edit, so comments and critique is appreciated. Either today or tomorrow I'll get to work on a new section.

[Olis]

Having returned to this IA for the first time in months, I have added another notable battle and have begun to downplay the more overt references to Fury Road. Hektor has also undergone a minor change to his name and title and has been given an additional sidebar of information.

[Nomus Sardauk]

Having returned to this IA for the first time in months, I have added another notable battle and have begun to downplay the more overt references to Fury Road.

You. Did. What.

 

 

 

MEDIOCRE!!!

[Conn Eremon]

Considering how many Oscars that thing is winning right now, it might be good to put Fury Road back in. :lol:

[Olis]

Having returned to this IA for the first time in months, I have added another notable battle and have begun to downplay the more overt references to Fury Road.

You. Did. What.

MEDIOCRE!!!

You know... I can't think of a good counter to that. Have this instead:

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/62830016.jpg

Considering how many Oscars that thing is winning right now, it might be good to put Fury Road back in.

It has? Lemme see... wow. Six so far.

Yeah... maybe I should... :P

Anyhoo, my basic thinking is that, rather than making this a full on gimmick-IA, I'd rather had something a little more broad in it's appeal. That and I'd like to practice what I preach (don't make references too obvious).

[Conn Eremon]

The changes are good, it just seemed like a perfect thing to say, sitting as I am at my local theater watching the Oscars and sipping a bloody mary.

 

But yeah, the Red Sentinels stand a little taller this latest edit, and I like the new battle. Well, to be honest I'm not sure which one is new, but I love the Silver Sons bit.

[Olis]

But yeah, the Red Sentinels stand a little taller this latest edit,

That's good to hear. Progress is always good.

but I love the Silver Sons bit.

Thankis, brother. Seems like I did alright with that one.

[Brother Argent]

DISCLAIMER: I am tired after along day at work. I am also rusty at this. Oh, and I haven't read anyone else's comments, only the article. And finally I am attempting to fill some big shoes here (Octy, Nightrawen, Mol... et al) so you bear with me here...

: alongside three other freshly founded Chapters,

Four Chapters? For an ork Waaagh?. Were things quiet in the rest of the Imperium? Abaddon on his lunch break, maybe? . In all seriousness references to one of the biggest Foundings (2nd) only had around thirty odd Chapters founded. So if we (plucking a number from the air randomly here) assume the average founding is probably somewhere around the twenty Chapter mark you are assigning nearly a quarter of a Founding, one of only twenty six such events in the past ten thousand years, to a single ork Waaagh. That seems like quite the commitment. I would suggest either narrowing the number down to two, the Sentinels and Barbarians or three at a push, or buff up what threat they faced. Mind you a threat that required that strength of force (even a newly founded Chapter is still quite the threat) would have to be dire indeed.

The next bit

Okay so this works for a bit. Like all these things it could do with a bit of polish. I feel that its seems to end up quite the grueling battle for the remnants of an orkish force that had already been ravaged by three Chapters but I can accept it by the almighty powers of the plot needing it to be. Again culling some of their help here could perhaps add to why there was enough of the forces left to prove a challenge.

The decision to make Waste a temporary base was agreed upon and the Sanguine Citadel, the then fleet flagship that had crash landed in the scrublands thousands of miles to the south of Kromedakka's fall, became a rallying point while repairs underwent progress.

As time wore on and more of the Chapter was recruited from the motor-tribes and gun-clans the Chapter realised that, although the Sanguine Citadel could eventually achieve orbit again, the Red Sentinels chose to stay planetside with her and converted the vessel into their Fortress Monastery

Okay so a few qualms here, although they may be personal. As an all too often guilty offender on this one, it seems that many Chapters seem to have an issue keeping their ancient and mighty relic battle barges airborne. I can't count the amount of times (including in my own IAs) that space marines crash their battle barge on planet and then go, meh lets stay here. Looks comfy enough.

Secondly on this one I am happy to be corrected here but I cant think of a single event in current established 40k law that has such a ship having been crashed and then able to take off again. The sheer amount of force and weight a multi kilometre long vessel would have crashing planet side would 1: probably throw up enough dust to block out the sun ala dinosaur extinction and 2 : probably smash the ship apart quite handily, rending relaunch all but impossible. Maybe just have the ship crippled and having to be held in low orbit while repairs are made.

. She was old even before the Sentinels were conceived of, the Chapter was to stay with her and use Waste as their home world. But why? Emperor knew how bloody the locals could be - they were a hardy people, not unlike the denizens of Baal. Some of them had even expressed fearless aggression towards the astartes trespassing on their ground.

Sudden change of tense and tone here. Its gone from a factual and analytical article to suddenly being as if its being told by some Imperial scribe chatting to another over a pint of amasec in the corner bar on Terra. I would suggest a rewrite. Stay away from posing retorical questions and stick to the facts.

With their ranks swelling from the extended sojourn on Waste, it was becoming clear that the Sentinels had made a connection with this world and its people. Brothers who had known no other existence did not entertain the idea of abandoning their people, unlike the elder brethren. Here, they said, was an opportunity to make a permanent foothold, a place to regard as home. The master of the Sentinels agreed. The Chaplains would declare that the decision was ordained by a vision, by words from the grave of Sanguinius himself. They were to become the words remembered in the generations to come.

Any reason why it wasn't a vision (forgive me if this is covered later)? I imagine is such a situation the "elder brethren" would probably have won the argument otherwise. Perhaps throw in a vision, real or otherwise. The sons of Baal are known to inherit their Father's foresight...

A dusty, sandy clod of earth, Waste was of little value to the Imperium beyond simple manpower prior to the Red Sentinels arrival. Classified as a feudal world, a truer assessment would be to call it a death world. Petty warlords and tribal kings rule their patches of rock ruthlessly, alliance and power an ever shifting beast reliant on spilt blood and an iron grasp on resources.

Roving bands of warriors and outcasts make even the unclaimed hinterlands dangerous. The only area of guaranteed calm lies in the lands around the Sanguine Citadel, where no permanent settlements are permitted to exist. Here one can find wary traders, nomadic by necessity, and refugees of all stripes.

I like. Perhaps the occasional less formal language then would suit but even so I like. Tell me, I get this is based of Mad Max but was the botte-cap kings line a reference to Fallout...?

Waste itself is an unforgiving ball of nuclear fallout, the bombs themselves having been dropped during the time of the Horus Heresy itself. Threadbare records suggest that this act of destruction was made offhand by a Night Lords contingent, cut off from the main legion. It is unknown whether these records were captured from the dead or were deliberately left to sow fear.

Whilst I know that nuclear weaponry is alive and well in 40k might I suggest something a little more 40k Grim Dark. Maybe a good mutagenic viral bombing or something equally nasty. Also will help hide the theme a little more.

The Red Sentinels follow closely the organisation of the Blood Angels. They too have a Death Company, a Sanguinary Guard and Sanguinary Priests. But for the Sentinels, the Death Company are mounted on bikes and land speeders to aid them in pursuing and catching enemies. These 'Black Marked', as they are known, are usually ritually blackened, from head to toe, and mounted on their steeds as soon as possible. They are then set loose upon the enemy like rabid hounds, led to the fight by a similarly mounted Chaplain.

I would suggest instead of they follow the organisation of the Blood Angels instead state they mostly follow the codex, then elaborate on the differences ie: Death Company et al. Its going to avoid name dropping for one and its back more towards the formal language that such an article would assume. Its also typical for these articles to come as a semi omniscient in universe article. The average Imperial scholar probably wouldn't know squat on how the Blood Angels are organised but would have a rough idea on what a Codex Chapter was. As for Death Company on bikes, while I get its to suit the theme I personally dont see it working. Those whom fall to the Black Rage are, I understand, suffering delusions that they are Sanguinius fighting Horus on board his Battle Barge and riding a bike might not really mesh with those delusions. I'm not even sure they would have the faculties left in their addled minds to successfully such an act of co-ordination. Mind you they manage jump packs but I suppose the Big S did have winds so....

With the Chapter's predilection for mobile warfare, much of the Sentinels - those not equipped with jump packs - will always have their own dedicated transport, whether for squads as a whole mounted in razorbacks, rhinos and storm ravens or for individuals on back of bikes. As such the motor pool for the Sentinels is extensive and tended to by a sizable cadre of techmarines and a whole army of serfs.

I believe its mostly standard for Chapters to have enough vehicles to transport their entire number so I dont see why it would be that extensive to need extra tech marines. Of course I could be wrong on that one but that was just always how I interpreted things.

Recruitment from the hinterlands of Waste lies firmly in the hands of Chaplains. Known to the Chapter as 'Witnessing', Chaplains will stalk the lands and petty territories, on the look out for promising youngsters warring with their enemies. These boys, little more than bottom-rung members of their tribes and clans, will often be taken in the aftermath of battle, sometimes even when they are on the verge of breathing their last.

Greenskins are a foe that the Red Sentinels greatly relish

On silverside in a lovely sandwich. Oh, FACING them is something they relish. My mistake...

Okay so I am calling it here for now, but I will be back...

[Olis]

You know, SP, the funny thing is... several things you mention I had looked at last night and thought that they didn't sound right (bottlecap-kings* for instance, so too the grounding of the Sanguine Citadel).

* I believe it was supposed to be a Fallout reference. I'm going to be looking for a suitable replacement as it does indeed sound far too informal.

I appreciate the feedback, brother. I believe you make some very fair points.

DISCLAIMER: I am tired after along day at work. I am also rusty at this. Oh, and I haven't read anyone else's comments, only the article. And finally I am attempting to fill some big shoes here (Octy, Nightrawen, Mol... et al) so you bear with me here...

: alongside three other freshly founded Chapters,

Four Chapters? For an ork Waaagh?. Were things quiet in the rest of the Imperium? Abaddon on his lunch break, maybe? . In all seriousness references to one of the biggest Foundings (2nd) only had around thirty odd Chapters founded. So if we (plucking a number from the air randomly here) assume the average founding is probably somewhere around the twenty Chapter mark you are assigning nearly a quarter of a Founding, one of only twenty six such events in the past ten thousand years, to a single ork Waaagh. That seems like quite the commitment. I would suggest either narrowing the number down to two, the Sentinels and Barbarians or three at a push, or buff up what threat they faced. Mind you a threat that required that strength of force (even a newly founded Chapter is still quite the threat) would have to be dire indeed.

The next bit

Okay so this works for a bit. Like all these things it could do with a bit of polish. I feel that its seems to end up quite the grueling battle for the remnants of an orkish force that had already been ravaged by three Chapters but I can accept it by the almighty powers of the plot needing it to be. Again culling some of their help here could perhaps add to why there was enough of the forces left to prove a challenge.

You know, two chapters does sound like a better idea. The two extra chapters atm are probably dead weight. Seeing as they are neither named nor have a truly integral part to the story, jettisoning them won't be too hard.

The decision to make Waste a temporary base was agreed upon and the Sanguine Citadel, the then fleet flagship that had crash landed in the scrublands thousands of miles to the south of Kromedakka's fall, became a rallying point while repairs underwent progress.

As time wore on and more of the Chapter was recruited from the motor-tribes and gun-clans the Chapter realised that, although the Sanguine Citadel could eventually achieve orbit again, the Red Sentinels chose to stay planetside with her and converted the vessel into their Fortress Monastery

Okay so a few qualms here, although they may be personal. As an all too often guilty offender on this one, it seems that many Chapters seem to have an issue keeping their ancient and mighty relic battle barges airborne. I can't count the amount of times (including in my own IAs) that space marines crash their battle barge on planet and then go, meh lets stay here. Looks comfy enough.

Secondly on this one I am happy to be corrected here but I cant think of a single event in current established 40k law that has such a ship having been crashed and then able to take off again. The sheer amount of force and weight a multi kilometre long vessel would have crashing planet side would 1: probably throw up enough dust to block out the sun ala dinosaur extinction and 2 : probably smash the ship apart quite handily, rending relaunch all but impossible. Maybe just have the ship crippled and having to be held in low orbit while repairs are made.

Yeah, like I said before, I'm not wholly happy with how things are with the Sanguine Citadel atm. So. What to do. Crashing it may very well be a concept that I will have to abandon, in favour of a tighter concept. We shall see as I make another round of edits.

. She was old even before the Sentinels were conceived of, the Chapter was to stay with her and use Waste as their home world. But why? Emperor knew how bloody the locals could be - they were a hardy people, not unlike the denizens of Baal. Some of them had even expressed fearless aggression towards the astartes trespassing on their ground.

Sudden change of tense and tone here. Its gone from a factual and analytical article to suddenly being as if its being told by some Imperial scribe chatting to another over a pint of amasec in the corner bar on Terra. I would suggest a rewrite. Stay away from posing retorical questions and stick to the facts.

Noted, brother. It seems like it's one of the writing sins that I do more often than is healthy.

With their ranks swelling from the extended sojourn on Waste, it was becoming clear that the Sentinels had made a connection with this world and its people. Brothers who had known no other existence did not entertain the idea of abandoning their people, unlike the elder brethren. Here, they said, was an opportunity to make a permanent foothold, a place to regard as home. The master of the Sentinels agreed. The Chaplains would declare that the decision was ordained by a vision, by words from the grave of Sanguinius himself. They were to become the words remembered in the generations to come.

Any reason why it wasn't a vision (forgive me if this is covered later)? I imagine is such a situation the "elder brethren" would probably have won the argument otherwise. Perhaps throw in a vision, real or otherwise. The sons of Baal are known to inherit their Father's foresight...

This may very well be retconned and cease to be an issue. If this issue remains for whatever reason, I'll address it as recommended.

A dusty, sandy clod of earth, Waste was of little value to the Imperium beyond simple manpower prior to the Red Sentinels arrival. Classified as a feudal world, a truer assessment would be to call it a death world. Petty warlords and tribal kings rule their patches of rock ruthlessly, alliance and power an ever shifting beast reliant on spilt blood and an iron grasp on resources.



Roving bands of warriors and outcasts make even the unclaimed hinterlands dangerous. The only area of guaranteed calm lies in the lands around the Sanguine Citadel, where no permanent settlements are permitted to exist. Here one can find wary traders, nomadic by necessity, and refugees of all stripes.

I like. Perhaps the occasional less formal language then would suit but even so I like. Tell me, I get this is based of Mad Max but was the botte-cap kings line a reference to Fallout...?

It was, I think. I'm currently looking to replace the phrase because "bottle-cap" is somewhat anachronistic and informal. Saying that, I may keep "bullet-barons" though...

Waste itself is an unforgiving ball of nuclear fallout, the bombs themselves having been dropped during the time of the Horus Heresy itself. Threadbare records suggest that this act of destruction was made offhand by a Night Lords contingent, cut off from the main legion. It is unknown whether these records were captured from the dead or were deliberately left to sow fear.

Whilst I know that nuclear weaponry is alive and well in 40k might I suggest something a little more 40k Grim Dark. Maybe a good mutagenic viral bombing or something equally nasty. Also will help hide the theme a little more.

Hmm. How about Phosphex?

The Red Sentinels follow closely the organisation of the Blood Angels. They too have a Death Company, a Sanguinary Guard and Sanguinary Priests. But for the Sentinels, the Death Company are mounted on bikes and land speeders to aid them in pursuing and catching enemies. These 'Black Marked', as they are known, are usually ritually blackened, from head to toe, and mounted on their steeds as soon as possible. They are then set loose upon the enemy like rabid hounds, led to the fight by a similarly mounted Chaplain.

I would suggest instead of they follow the organisation of the Blood Angels instead state they mostly follow the codex, then elaborate on the differences ie: Death Company et al. Its going to avoid name dropping for one and its back more towards the formal language that such an article would assume. Its also typical for these articles to come as a semi omniscient in universe article. The average Imperial scholar probably wouldn't know squat on how the Blood Angels are organised but would have a rough idea on what a Codex Chapter was. As for Death Company on bikes, while I get its to suit the theme I personally dont see it working. Those whom fall to the Black Rage are, I understand, suffering delusions that they are Sanguinius fighting Horus on board his Battle Barge and riding a bike might not really mesh with those delusions. I'm not even sure they would have the faculties left in their addled minds to successfully such an act of co-ordination. Mind you they manage jump packs but I suppose the Big S did have winds so....

The organisational point is fair enough. Name dropping the Blood Angels is a basic no-no that I should have remembered.

As for the Death Company equivalent one of the original conceptual points, developed on the fly back on the inaugural Liber Day, was that this Chapter treated their Death Company differently. So we come to a crossroads. Do I jettison the idea for the sake of consistency with other BA chapters or do I keep it? Admittedly I'm reluctant to ditch the concept. It's thematic. I think, at least for know, I'll leave it in and review it after I have made further edits.

With the Chapter's predilection for mobile warfare, much of the Sentinels - those not equipped with jump packs - will always have their own dedicated transport, whether for squads as a whole mounted in razorbacks, rhinos and storm ravens or for individuals on back of bikes. As such the motor pool for the Sentinels is extensive and tended to by a sizable cadre of techmarines and a whole army of serfs.

I believe its mostly standard for Chapters to have enough vehicles to transport their entire number so I dont see why it would be that extensive to need extra tech marines. Of course I could be wrong on that one but that was just always how I interpreted things.

Hmm. Perhaps I may need to rejig this paragraph. I believe the standard amount of Techmarines, going by the old Ultramarines example, about thirty is the standard expected number.

Recruitment from the hinterlands of Waste lies firmly in the hands of Chaplains. Known to the Chapter as 'Witnessing', Chaplains will stalk the lands and petty territories, on the look out for promising youngsters warring with their enemies. These boys, little more than bottom-rung members of their tribes and clans, will often be taken in the aftermath of battle, sometimes even when they are on the verge of breathing their last.

Glad you like it.

Greenskins are a foe that the Red Sentinels greatly relish

On silverside in a lovely sandwich. Oh, FACING them is something they relish. My mistake...

I know, I know. Phrasing.

Okay so I am calling it here for now, but I will be back...

You're welcome anytime, brother. Sometimes an uncompromising look can weed out the weaknesses far better than many iterative edits. Much like a visit from Nightrawen or Octavulg.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

First off, dear lord Ace Debonair, I didn't realize you were still in the business of breaking and reshaping! That bowling ball seems a bit dusty... though I haven't been around to see its work first hand lately either.

This topic might be a bit old but I'd still doff my had to you all the same.

*Ahem*

Now, the IA.

Can I be picky? *Goes and does it anyway*

Of the four Chapters sent, three survived the onslaught, while the other – the Bronze Barbarians – were caught short in the system known for time to come simply as ‘Waste’. It was here that that Chapter crippled the Ork Waaagh!, bringing the warlord to heel and smashing the mechanised divisions of the greenskins. This, however, was not enough. Crushed under the might of the Ork gargants and stompas, the Bronze Barbarians took a last stand and fell before aid could be rendered by the rest of the task force.

This could just be me being somewhat dyslexic, but this is written somewhat back asswards. At first I get the impression that this one chapter out of the four (as an aside, not a single mention of an overall command structure or voted leader and battle plan for the strike force) brought the Orks to task on this world. Then suddenly they are being crushed. You went from smashing mechanized divisions, to being smashed by those selfsame mechanized divisions. Which is it?

I'd bet it's been done for brevities' sake, but a couple of extra lines to ease the transition would be - for someone like me - appreciated.

With the other sections, in lieu of each and every header having an entry, those that you do have seem rather long. Don't get me wrong they are far better written and themed than your average IA, which I think we'd expect of you, but I'm just a slight bit concerned that after you've added everything in, you're going to have to pare down some of what you've got already.

All that said, that's a normal process for an IA, so I'm not terribly sure why I'm even mentioning it. Must be the tired and overworked part of me getting ahead of the logical part!

I might take a closer look when it's not 2am. Probably.

It's likely going to be 2am next time I look at the Liber isn't it? Of course it will....

[Olis]

Can I be picky? *Goes and does it anyway*

I'd expect nothing less. Be as picky as you like.

Now, with SP's critique having combed through the same section you've mentioned, I will indeed be rewriting that part. Watch this space.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well I look forward to it then!

 

I find it funny to say, but I remember you too SP, those shoes you're attempting to fill, believe you me there is at least one pair of boots round here with your name inscribed on them friend, you've been here a while.

 

Given SP's comment on having big shoes to fill, it does seem the halls of the Liber feel a far cry from what I remember. It was a period of big ideas and even bigger personalities clashing like waves over haggard cliffs in storm.

 

Perhaps I'm being a smidge overly dramatic there, but the Liber is so much more mellow these days. It's not worse off, not by a long shot. A lot of those waves were needlessly destructive and lacked a lot of the concise and properly pointed critique of figures like Octavulg, Ace, Mol and others too numerous.

 

Maybe I'm being too nostalgic.

 

Anyway I'm rambling again. To bring it to a fine point, this thread reminds me of discussions in the Liber of days I remember, just with less shouting, throwing things and smashing of the Liber furniture and fixtures.

 

Dear god I make myself sound positively bloody ancient sometimes. Don't let me age you.....