IA: Red Sentinels

[Brother Argent]

I remember you too GHY. Indeed I was almost going to name drop you in there as well. You were one of my earliest mates here in Liber. Seems like we are rolling out a few of the vets these days. Funny I was actually thinking of doing a tribute to the blazing sons the other day. These are auspicious times in the Liber...

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Name drop me all you want brother! A little ego-stroking never went awry.

Funny I was actually thinking of doing a tribute to the blazing sons the other day.

I've been tempted to go back to these guys for a long while. All those developed resources that I'd accrued seemingly going to waste, doesn't seem right.

Anyway, I'm derailing Olis' thread. Again.

Until I see what you come up with in terms of your refining or rewriting of the sections you have, one thing I'd like to mention is the Aesthetic of the chapter. The Oils and markings on the face of the marine is very subtle and simple, I like it a lot. However I'm more talking in regards to what they choose to display to the world.

Yes you have your colour scheme(s), but I don't see much beyond a fairly standard Blood Angels successor visually. What sort of trophies do they carry? What are their marks of rank and what have they inherited from their homeworld? I don't suppose they spray their mouths with chrome paint but do they have any cultural cues that would be outwardly represented on their wargear?

[Machine God]

I appreciate the feedback, brother. I believe you make some very fair points.

DISCLAIMER: I am tired after along day at work. I am also rusty at this. Oh, and I haven't read anyone else's comments, only the article. And finally I am attempting to fill some big shoes here (Octy, Nightrawen, Mol... et al) so you bear with me here...

: alongside three other freshly founded Chapters,

Four Chapters? For an ork Waaagh?. Were things quiet in the rest of the Imperium? Abaddon on his lunch break, maybe? . In all seriousness references to one of the biggest Foundings (2nd) only had around thirty odd Chapters founded. So if we (plucking a number from the air randomly here) assume the average founding is probably somewhere around the twenty Chapter mark you are assigning nearly a quarter of a Founding, one of only twenty six such events in the past ten thousand years, to a single ork Waaagh. That seems like quite the commitment. I would suggest either narrowing the number down to two, the Sentinels and Barbarians or three at a push, or buff up what threat they faced. Mind you a threat that required that strength of force (even a newly founded Chapter is still quite the threat) would have to be dire indeed.

The next bit

Okay so this works for a bit. Like all these things it could do with a bit of polish. I feel that its seems to end up quite the grueling battle for the remnants of an orkish force that had already been ravaged by three Chapters but I can accept it by the almighty powers of the plot needing it to be. Again culling some of their help here could perhaps add to why there was enough of the forces left to prove a challenge.

You know, two chapters does sound like a better idea. The two extra chapters atm are probably dead weight. Seeing as they are neither named nor have a truly integral part to the story, jettisoning them won't be too hard.

@Olis, I know you edited the first post yesterday but it still says 4 Chapters or are you still trying to work out how to drop them from your fluff?

[Olis]

Anyway, I'm derailing Olis' thread. Again.

 

 

Ain't no bother, brother. ^_^

 

Until I see what you come up with in terms of your refining or rewriting of the sections you have, one thing I'd like to mention is the Aesthetic of the chapter. The Oils and markings on the face of the marine is very subtle and simple, I like it a lot. However I'm more talking in regards to what they choose to display to the world.

Yes you have your colour scheme(s), but I don't see much beyond a fairly standard Blood Angels successor visually. What sort of trophies do they carry? What are their marks of rank and what have they inherited from their homeworld? I don't suppose they spray their mouths with chrome paint but do they have any cultural cues that would be outwardly represented on their wargear?

 

The mouth spraying thing has been alluded to in the general paint scheme - which, incidentally, isn't depicted on the corvus helm. It's supposed to be but the painter won't do it. I may have to replace that image.

 

Anyhoo, I wouldn't be surprised if the Sentinels took the heads of their enemies seeing as I've already stated them taking a greenskin head or two. Maybe that would translate into hatchets, rather than combat knives. 

 

@Olis, I know you edited the first post yesterday but it still says 4 Chapters or are you still trying to work out how to drop them from your fluff?

 

Ah, you spotted the edit time. Yeah... I added the Silver Sons heraldry in a sidebar last night. And did nothing else. :P

 

I'll get to it. Soon.

[Tiger9gamer]

I have to say.... I love the idea of Mad Max Space marines. I can almost imagine them as more like white scar successors rather than Blood Angels but eh, still a great idea.

[Olis]

Wouldn't White Scars be... a bit too obvious? I can see what you're saying and the idea makes a lot of sense. However, seeing as this IA has it's roots in last year's Liber Day BA thread, I'm afraid it's going to be one of the few things that will remain largely immutable unless I wish to make a wholesale departure from the origins of the idea.

 

Also, I will look to make the intended edits this weekend, for those of you who are curious.  

[Olis]

I believe I have addressed the current issues that have been brought up - or at least most of them, seeing as I have had to go eat in the middle of editing, so... I may have missed something. 

 

I'm concerned I may be focusing too much on the Bronze Barbarians in the new edit - opinions either way would be appreciated. I've also not explicitly stated that the chapter monastery is built around the memorial. I have the feeling that I'll need to rectify that later. 

[Brother Argent]

I will take a look in the next few days, and maybe finish my earlier review.  RL is eating up all my time but I have some surgery on Wednesday so I dont think I will be doing much for a few days after.

[TDF]

I'm not sure about tying the founding of the chapter so tightly to the Beast. The Beast Arises series emphasises quite clearly the lack of preparation the High Lords had made for the coming of the Orks. You could make the prophesied threat vaguer and then perhaps state that retrospectively it may have been a misinterpreted warning about the Beast, as the main thrust of the Beast's assault was focused on Segmentum Solar but the two chapters were wasted on peripheral wars down on the southern galactic rim.

 

Rereading it looks like you're already trying to do that, but I feel you haven't gone quite far enough.

[Olis]

I'm not sure about tying the founding of the chapter so tightly to the Beast. The Beast Arises series emphasises quite clearly the lack of preparation the High Lords had made for the coming of the Orks. You could make the prophesied threat vaguer and then perhaps state that retrospectively it may have been a misinterpreted warning about the Beast, as the main thrust of the Beast's assault was focused on Segmentum Solar but the two chapters were wasted on peripheral wars down on the southern galactic rim.

 

Rereading it looks like you're already trying to do that, but I feel you haven't gone quite far enough.

 

I'll be honest - I have not read any of The Beast Arises series. But the coincidences between official canon and my IA are genuinely not intended. Indeed - the first N&R announcement of I Am Slaughter happened a little over three months after my IA was created.

 

With that said, if canon does really tally closely to what I've written then I shall have to tread carefully. I will take what you've said into close consideration, brother.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Impressive.