Bloodspeaker Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Here's one of my many homegrown chapters. I'm satisfied by how this one has turned out. That being said please feel free to let me know if you notice anything significant missing or counter to current fluff.Thanks in advance for your kind attention. Emperor's VengeanceWar Cry - Vengeance comes for you!Founding - 8th Founding M35Primarch - Unknown (Jaghatai Khan/Leman Russ)Successor of - Unknown (White Scars/Space Wolves/Sanguinius)Homeworld - Malgoroth IV, chapter is based on the planets moonChapter Master - Tiberian CezarAllegiance - ImperiumColors - Black(primary) White(secondary) HistoryFounded to fight in the bloody wars of the Nova Terra Interregnum, the Emperor's Vengeance have always been noted for their savagery in battle. This reputation stems less from a desire to close with the enemy and more from the malicious pleasure the space marines take in exacting bloody vengeance. Despite their savage reputation, this chapter remain masters of all forms of warfare, with an honor roll to rival chapters founded a thousand years older before them.Exactly which chapters gene-seed was used to create the Emperor's Vengeance remains a mystery, however many scholars believe it to be likely that they are a White Scars or Blood Angels successor chapter. The reason for this theory chapters almost legendary brutality in battle, which could either be a mutation of the black curse known to plague the Blood Angels or simply a manifestation of the legendary savagery of the White Scars. A few have wondered about the possibility of them being a Space Wolf successor. The space marines of the Emperor's Vengeance do not seem to care very much which chapters gene-seed was used to create them, as they venerate the Emperor and no other.As a chapter the Emperor's Vengeance are known to take great pride in the fact that they have never been known to leave survivors from any theater of war that they have been involved in. The space marines of the Emperor's Vengeance chapter have been known to pursue rumors of a survivor from one of their actions across the whole of the Segmentum Pacificus where they are based. Founded as they were in a time when the Imperium seemed set to tear itself apart, the warriors of this chapter have come to hate those who would abandon the Emperor above all others.Initially a fleet-based chapter, the Emperor's Vengeance claimed their homeworld as a reward for their service in during the Nova Terra Interregnum. Once a heavily populated and prosperous world, Malgoroth committed the twin offences of defying the Emperor and harboring those who managed to escape from the earlier actions in the chapters campaign against the Ur-Lords. The Emperor's Vengeance fell heavily that day, with the entire chapter engaging the enemy with wild, savage abandon. When the smoke cleared there was not a single building was left standing of the once mighty cities that had once spread across Malgoroth. Every man, woman and child had been brutally hacked into bloody pieces. To the space marines of the Emperor's Vengeance this has become know as The Proving. Since then then the chapter has continued to earn it's reputation as an uncompromising and brutal adversary. Much of the chapter spends it's time on crusade, roaming Imperial space, or engaged on missions of extermination. There is always a company stationed at the chapters fortress-monastery. Half of this company will be charged with bringing fresh prisoner-recruits back to Malgoroth for testing, processing and training. The half-company that remains on Malgoroth will act as a garrison and oversee the training of the new recruits. This ensures that there is a pool of freshly trained marines available, ready to replace any losses incurred by the companies currently on crusade.Where other chapters might use tactics that spare the lives of citizens still loyal to the Emperor, the Emperor's Vengeance concern themselves only with the extermination of their enemy. Their reputation is not helped by their recruiting practices, as many of the more 'noble' chapters feel it is an affront to the honor of all space marines to grant criminals the powers of a space marine. The Emperor's Vengeance total disregard for life has brought them to blows with other loyal Imperial chapters on several occasions, most notably in the aftermath of the purge of the agri-world of Carsis VIII. The Emperor's Vengeance were deployed along with space marines of the Ultramarines chapter to quell an uprising, believed to be incited by chaos cultists. The Ultramarine commander invited the Grand Warden of the Emperor's Vengeance to the bridge of his battle barge to co-ordinate tactics for the coming engagement. The Grand Warden arrived, only to tell the Commander 'What tactics are needed? The judgement is simple. Death." As the two spoke several explosions ripped across the Carsis VIII bellow. The Emperor's Vengeance had launched a simultaneous assault on the planets nuclear generators, detonating them all. At a stroke the planet was plunged into a nuclear winter, with all it's inhabitants being poisoned in the process. Enraged by the Emperor's Vengeance callous disregard for the loyal citizens that had been fighting on the surface the Ultramarine commander struck the Grand Warden and ordered his fleet from orbit. The Emperor's Vengeance were left for finish off any survivors on their own. The Ultramarines and the Emperor's Vengeance have not fought on in the same arena of war since. Some time after this point, the records are not particularly clear on when, the Emperor's Vengeance were engaged in action around a world infested by a xenos cult calling themselves the New Breed. Grand Warden Tiberian Cezar had decided to oversee the campaign personally. The New Breed were humans that had been infected by xenos spores and begun to change into something else. The fighting was hard, for the New Breed were nearly as strong as the space marines themselves. Cut off from his honor guard during the fighting around the cults last stronghold, the Grand Warden found himself swarmed. Mortally wounded, he still managed to kill all his assailants and survive to be found by his brother-marines. With no other officers capable of commanding the Great House still living, he was interred into a suit of Dreadnaught armour. Grand Warden Tiberian Cezar has lead the chapter ever since. Recently the Emperor's Vengeance has fallen on the ork controlled empire based in the galactic north of the Segmentum Pacificus. They were ordered to focus their efforts in this region by decree of the High Lords of Terra after wiping out a small hive world they had been ordered to garrison after it showed signs of unrest. While the High Lords may have meant the campaign against the orkish empire to be a punishment, the marines of the Emperor's Vengeance seem to be relishing the chance to once again unleash their fury on the xenos scum. RecruitmentThe Emperor's Vengeance recruit almost exclusively from penal worlds and the most violent and brutal of the gangs commonly found on hive worlds. Potential recruits will be electronically tagged and sealed in a prison on one of the chapters battle barges. They will remain there until the battle barge returns to the Malgoroth system. Once there the prisoner-recruits will be dropped onto the death world of Malgoroth IV. They will be expected to survive the harsh, desert climate, blistering acid rains and lethal predators for one lunar cycle, approximately 40 Terran days. The few that can survive this lethal 'Initiation' are then taken to the chapters fortress-monastery on the orbiting moon to begin the process of becoming a space marine.The psycho-conditioning of the Emperor's Vengeance is known to be particularly harsh, due to the fact that the recruits are drawn from some of the most violent criminals in the Imperium. It is not uncommon for recruits to be unable to remember much of their former lives once the conditioning is complete. The space marines of this chapter are conditioned to see their elevation to space marine as proof of the Emperors divine nature. BeliefsConditioned to believe that the Emperor delivered them from their sins, the Emperor's Vengeance are all fanatically loyal to the Master of Mankind. It is their belief that they were saved by Him to reap bloody revenge on all those who would betray or defy the plans of the Master of Mankind. Contrary to the beliefs of most Space Marine chapters, the Emperor's Vengeance sees their deliverance from the penal worlds and hive gangs as proof that the Master of Mankind is a divine being. It is their belief that, while he started out as a man, he has long since passed into godhood.The marines of the Emperor's Vengeance honor their war-gear by adopting the name of the first marine to wear that suit of armor. The conditioning of each new recruit is so brutal that they frequently won't be able to remember much about their former life in any case. In this way each marine becomes part of an ongoing tradition of honor and bloodshed.As a chapter, the Emperor's Vengeance hold almost no regard for human life. As far as they are concerned the need to execute those who would betray the Emperor is paramount to any other concern. They reasoning is that any loyal Imperial citizen would gladly give their life to see the Emperor's will done, since they will be welcomed into His arms for their sacrifice. Those who would not willingly give up their lives are viewed as cowards and are beneath the contempt of a Space Marine. OrganizationThe Emperor's Vengeance are organized into Great Houses. Each house is roughly the same sizes as a company. Currently the chapter is almost a full company over the strength dictated by the codex astartes due to the return of a Great House thought lost in a warp-squall. This Great House has returned missing much of it's equipment and is currently acting as a scout company until it can regain it's strength. Traditionally the Emperor's Vengeance has not had access to many energy weapons, having to rely on hard ammunition types like missiles and bolter shells. Also they tend to prefer bike squadrons over jetpacks for reasons that are unclear. Each Great House is able to operate independently each other and have a squad composition based on the tactical preferences of it's commanding Warden. Every marine is expected to be able to fill any role required of him, however most are better suited to one role over another. The Grand Warden is the title given to the chapter master of the Emperor's Vengeance. His decisions are law within the chapter and he determines which Great Houses fight were. The Emperor's Vengeance are notable in that they have only had eight Grand Wardens in their history, the last being interred into a suit of dreadnought armor roughly 3000 years after the chapters founding. He is currently one of the longest serving chapter masters in the Imperium. As befits a chapter that draws it's recruits from criminals and convicts, the Emperor's Vengeance has a higher than normal number of chaplains, known within the chapter as Exemplars. In additions to watching for corruption, Exemplars act as living examples for the rest of the chapter, seeking to inspire their brother-marines to ever greater acts of courage.There are few Librarians in the Emperor's Vengeance, due to the fact that the few psykers that escape the black ships of the Adeptus Psykana are mostly hunted down and executed. They rarely found on penal worlds and the few psykers found in hive world ganger are mostly mutated, tainted creatures unfit for the honor of becoming a space marine. HeraldryI was planning to use the Emperor's Children shoulder pads from Games Workshop. I think it's a cool heraldic device that is generic enough that it is entirely possible that a loyal Space Marine chapter could be using it.The left shoulder-plate will bear the chapter symbol of the Emperors Vengeance is a golden-winged black talon. on a white background. The right shoulder pad serves dual purpose of carrying the Great House and squad type markings. The markings of each Great House are simple geometric patterns, usually in black with a striking secondary color. The white squad type marking will then by placed on top. The squad number is marked on the left knee-pad by a simple, white number. A marines personal honors will be marked on the left leg.Apart from any battle honors, markings or heraldry the Emperor's Vengeance march to war in jet black armor. Squad leaders have white helmets. Veterans have a white chest Aquila. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/313077-emperors-vengance-loyalist-chapter/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Perils Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 First of all, welcome to the Bolter and Chainsword, and to the Liber Astartes ! I have to admit, I'm pretty impressed with this work. I did have a sinking feeling just looking at the beginning data, as I feared you'd fallen into some of the common traps of creating a Space Marine chapter (don't worry, we all do it) but reading quickly through the text, you showed how it is wrong to judge a book by it's cover. I'll start off with the little data thing at the top, because I think it needs changing, two things in particular: - When you say Unknown (Khan/Russ), it suggests that they are descended from both primarchs, and that it is sort of known to some (like inquisitors). This is a problem, because there are supposed to be no chapters created from two primarch gene-seed (except some very rare examples like the Revilers I believe), and there are supposed to be no chapters descended from the Space Wolves. The only ways one of these could be sort of acceptable is during the Cursed Founding, when people were messing around with Marine genome, or if they have a very specific task that no other chapter can do (at least in my mind). Now, if you really want to create a mixed chapter or space wolves successor, then, okay (be it cursed founding or something else). However, in that case, you have to show that it's not something that is sort of known by anybody. I'd suggest something along the lines : SUCCESSORS OF - UNKNOWN (White Scars [suspected], Space Wolves [Wild speculation]) With this, you aren't suggesting that it is obvious to those in higher circles that they are indeed a mix or space wolves successor, but you are suggesting to the reader that it may be possible. - Don't say that the heraldry is black (except marks. and heraldry): there are already too many black chapters (at least three main chapters that have their own official chapter tactics, and trillions of fanmade ones), and you want to create something distinctive. Now, as it happens, you have got something distinctive, as described at the bottom of your article. You want that information though to be right at the top, so a reader won't look at the data and think "oh no, not another black chapter" and walk off. Simply saying COLOURS - Black (main), White and Gold (secondary) makes them visually distinctive right away. I'd also suggest using the Bolter & Chainsword's excellent Space Marine Painter, and adding a quick picture : it's always nicer to have a couple of pictures - The name : as a matter of personal taste, I'm not fond of "generic" nouns for a chapter, so for instance I'd prefer to see "Emperor's Avengers" or some-such. However, if you stay with the name you've got now (which is perfectly fine), make sure you get the spelling right: VengEance, not Vengance For the rest, I'd suggest you put section titles in a different size/font/etc... so that a reader can see the titles more easily. If you feel ready for BBCode, you might want to try out "basicheader" and its variants, as they allow for brilliant title distinctions (I might use these a bit too much, but oh well...) Also, when you write big blocks of paragraphs, jump two lines once in a while (this is actually what you started off doing): the presentation of the forum means that single-line jumps aren't necessarily very visible, and it's much more agreeable to read a text that's nicely spaced out. Also also, you want to separate off the exemplary battles from the main history (not counting the Proving), because the narrative point of view changes slightly : in the history (and the rest of the article), the text is written as if it were by a(n ?) historian three millenia later, but the exemplary battles are written from a closer point of view, as if they were written three days after the war took place. Such a narrative shift is normal (possibly even encouraged), but it can be surprising when the reader thinks he is only changing paragraphs and not sections. Back to content: I really like the fact that your recruits are ex-convicts, and are pretty savage, you don't get enough such chapters nowadays. You might be going slightly overboard when you say that are never any enemy survivors: even the greatest chapters (ie. first founding) can't achieve this feat, pushing some to declare entire wars to catch up to them (like the White Scars' or Space Wolves' great hunts). For me, a DIY should never achieve something better than the first founding chapters, and often should not attain anything like their level. You see so many "the X chapter are the bestest of them all in Y domain" or "chapter Z are even better than Imperial Fists at sieges" that it can become depressing . You haven't gone quite as far, but a slight toning down of that passage could be in order. I also like your chapter's beliefs, it is always a section I have trouble with. You want to write more about this Great House that has come back from the warp I take it ? Such an event is sure to present some juicy narrative opportunities, and I'd be interested in seeing how come they walk back without their own power armour. I don't believe that a Dreadnought can go so long keeping all his wits. Yes, I do believe that a Dreadnought can lead a chapter, but only for a short amount of time, as he will eventually start to go mad (that is why they are usually kept in stasis and only awakened for the most important battles or decisions of the chapter). Here, he is being interred mid-36th millennium, meaning that he would be serving commander for 5 millenia. That is way too long for him to remain awake. Also, there is no longer-serving chapter master than commander Dante (he has been chapter master around 1000 years), stated quite explicitly (I believe) several times in the official fluff. (he also happens to be the oldest flesh-and-blood marine still alive, but that is beside the point) I like the way you explain that there are few Librarians in the chapter. I can't see any problems with you using the Emperor's children shoulder pads, as you plan on painting them in your own colours. you might want to shave off the rivets to give them a slightly more loyalist appearance, but that is by no means necessary. Actually, the way you describe it, it sounds like quite a nice symbol. Make sure you use quite a dark gold, to contrast against the white background. Have you got some examples of Grand House symbols ? i quite like the concept, but I might turn out to be quite cluncky to paint on a model. Also, are the battle honours of old bearers of the armour consigned somewhere ? it seems like they should in a way, since marines seem to place quite a big importance on the ancient bearers of individual suits. Does each marine (and therefore each suit) have his own cell ? if so, then deeds of old bearers of the armour could be consigned in each cell somehow, forming the basis of a sort of ancestor cult. How does your system work for Terminator-clad veterans ? So yeah, pretty neat chapter all in all. There are a couple of problems to address, but they are really fairly minor. Well done ! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/313077-emperors-vengance-loyalist-chapter/#findComment-4160173 Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulJam Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 You might be going slightly overboard when you say that are never any enemy survivors: agreed but for different reasons... "never been known to leave survivors from any theater of war", this implies everyone, combatant, enemy, civilian, innocent or otherwise. it reads to me that every action is an exterminatus (could be wrong). a ) even without virus bombs etc, killing off a full planet (every time) seems 'too far'. i could see the ultramarines straight on the phone with their local branch of inquisitors. excessive, unrequired savagery and slaughter against (human) planets/systems/populations wholesale seems to bring the chapter close to renegade territory (i.e. fleshtearers) b ) exterminatus are the exception and (generally) only used where i) corruption is likely (demons), ii) deny resources (nids) or iii) other suitably nontrival reasons, and where it cannot be stopped by throwing more bodies at the problem. inquisitors will frag a planet but only when it's strategically necessary, not because they can. plus astartes are mean to be the scalpel... the navy can bomb every planet if that had been the goal. which leads to, c ) if they do truly revere the Emperor (other than some kind of abstract blind faith) then they may have come across information that His works were for the benefit of mankind, i.e. killing humans unnecessarily or without compassion therefore seems to contravene His purpose. [edit: p.s. i'm not suggesting not to go with it, just that it might maybe require some further explanation, i.e. minotaurs or inquisitor sponsored death squad only unleashed to kill an entire planet, rather than 'this is how we roll'] other than that, looking forward to seeing what you do with them. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/313077-emperors-vengance-loyalist-chapter/#findComment-4160911 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodspeaker Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 First off thanks for the feedback. I've fixed the spelling and setup issues. Hopefully it's now a little easier to see where the different sections start and end. Now on to the more specific stuff... - When you say Unknown (Khan/Russ), it suggests that they are descended from both primarchs, and that it is sort of known to some (like inquisitors). This is a problem, because there are supposed to be no chapters created from two primarch gene-seed (except some very rare examples like the Revilers I believe), and there are supposed to be no chapters descended from the Space Wolves. I merely meant to indicate that both Jhagatai Khan and Leman Russ are contenders to be the gene-father of this chapter. I think I made this point pretty clear in the second paragraph of the chapter history, when I said that they could be a White Scar, Space Wolf or Blood Angel successor chapter. I hadn't actually considered that it might be taken to mean a mix of different gene-fathers. You might be going slightly overboard when you say that are never any enemy survivors: I didn't actually say that there are never and survivors. I said the Emperor's Vengeance never leaves any known survivors. Which to me admits the possibility of survivors they don't know about. I'll admit this is a small difference...but is still a difference. I don't believe that a Dreadnought can go so long keeping all his wits. Yes, I do believe that a Dreadnought can lead a chapter, but only for a short amount of time, as he will eventually start to go mad (that is why they are usually kept in stasis and only awakened for the most important battles or decisions of the chapter). Here, he is being interred mid-36th millennium, meaning that he would be serving commander for 5 millenia. That is way too long for him to remain awake. Also, there is no longer-serving chapter master than commander Dante (he has been chapter master around 1000 years), stated quite explicitly (I believe) several times in the official fluff. (he also happens to be the oldest flesh-and-blood marine still alive, but that is beside the point) I'll admit i hadn't really thought about whole dreadnought going mad problem. I did put in the idea of a council of company commanders who oversee the daily running of the chapter, but it didn't seem to fit with the generally brutal feel i wanted for these guys. I'll see if i can think of a solution to this problem. Also Dante is stated as being the oldest living Space Marine in the Imperium (excluding dreadnoughts) and one of the most experienced and able Space Marine commander but i didn't see anything saying he's the oldest space marine commander. I'm going to stop quoting now coz i can't seem to quote a specific section and it's getting annoying to have to delete all the text i'm not quoting. @ Lord Thorn - I will probably revisit the company that returned from the warp, but i don't plan on making it anything to dramatic. It's more of a throwaway side note to emphasize that warp travel is dangerous since i don't feel that enough of a point gets made of just how many Imperial forces would get lost simply from using warp travel. Also I liked the idea of a suit of armors battle honors being kept in that armors cell. If you don't mind i might just try and do something with that. When it comes to the narrative style jumping around a bit, i'm just not a very experienced writer. I'm hoping that the more I post the better i'll get. Since this is my first post i'd rather like to leave it as is. Sort of a snapshot I can come back to and see if i've gotten any better. @paulJam - I've always thought that Exterminatus is used either to make an example and scare other potentially rebellious systems back into line, if the world in question would be far to dangerous to land even Space Marines on or if something necessitates no survivors and secrecy. The only example of Exterminatus being used that i can think of is the Dropsite Massace on Istvaan V. Horus was trying to wipe out all the loyalists Space Marines from the traitor chapters in one go. He wanted secrecy and no survivors. In contrast the space marines of the Emperor's Vengeance don't leave survivors because then they are sure they killed all the heretics/xenos/traitors and because they have a reputation to maintain. It is worth bearing in mind that the rest of the Imperium knows that this chapter doesn't generally leave survivors and that they would only be deployed with this knowledge in mind. It is also worth mentioning that I did also specify that they don't leave survivors from the theatre of war that they are in. This is not necessarily anything like a whole planet. It could equally refer to just the particular battles they are engaged in. Don't forget, they are Space Marines. Sent in only when the target is too tough for the IG or when a surgical strike against a specific location is needed. They are also frequently the last resort before Exterminatus. All that being said maybe i could revise it to dial down the 'no survivors' angle. Lastly, regards to the Emperor. Each and every space marine of this chapter is conditioned to think the Emperor saved them personally. Not that he is some generic saviour of mankind, that he saved them, Ivan Biggun, or whatever the marines name is. While they may not actually believe he reached down and took their hand, they certainly believe he is the reason someone else did. To them, this is proof enough that he is divine and that those who die in his service go on to join him in the afterlife. Because of this they see no reason why good Imperial citizens wouldn't lay down their lives to see a traitor die. And because of that they have no problems of civilian casualties. Yes, these space marines have some seriously screwed up reasoning. Sorry for the massive wall of text. I hope i've answered all questions to satisfaction and I will definitely be trying to make some of the story points clearer. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/313077-emperors-vengance-loyalist-chapter/#findComment-4162909 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Perils Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 When it comes to the narrative style jumping around a bit, i'm just not a very experienced writer. I'm hoping that the more I post the better i'll get. Since this is my first post i'd rather like to leave it as is. Sort of a snapshot I can come back to and see if i've gotten any better. Fair enough. But if you do want to post any changes to it later in the thread, I think it would be a good idea to post a link to the most up to date version in your original post. At the top right corner of each post in a thread, you see a little number: when you click on it, it gives the address for that post, meaning you can link it in other places. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/313077-emperors-vengance-loyalist-chapter/#findComment-4163354 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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