T'Karon Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Greetings all, to be honest I am rather unsure about posting this as I fear negative feedback (in general, not saying this forum is in any way like that) but anyway here goes. Creating a legion is difficult without some outside help. Of course I welcome all constructive feedback, but that does not mean that I will necessarily change the subject in question. (sheesh sounds like some waiver or something.) Having been inspired by Athrawes amazing II legion project I have had a XI legion in the works for some time. The hardest part for me was finding a believable way for the legion to be expunged from the records, that was not to cliche or similar to any of the reasons done before. Now here is the gist of it so far. Keep in mind that this is a very different concept than any I have come across. The Primarch is raised by Harlequins, and has no set homeworld as he travels with the masque and resides at the black library. Is found by the emperor while he (T'Karon) is alone fighting Orks on an Exodite World. The emperor convinces him to lead the Legion of his gene sons however with his full knowledge of chaos etc, T'Karon uses his legion on many unsanctioned raids against "demonic" targets. Within his legion there is a great deal of schism with the majority against their "Xenos" primarch. Only few (roughly 1 chapter) marines were true supporters of their Primarch, and these he taught the travel of the Webway and honed their skills in combat becoming specialist in lighting assaults appearing out of the Webway at a moments notice. After an unsanctioned attack on a chaos infected planet, in which the Warp Stalkers suffered severe casualties (with the notable exception of those who had been personally trained by their primarch) those marines who had always mistrusted their Primarch went to the Emperor and told him about these creatures they had seen and the actions their Primarch had done. The Emperor orders the Primarch and those loyal to him to be executed and gives the order to Roboute. The marines loyal to the imperium from the XI Legion are to be absorbed into the Ultramarines and the records of the legion are to be destroyed for fear of knowledge of the ruinous powers would be discovered in their many missions. The Primarch and his loyalists are hunted through the Imperium with the marines swiftly decreasing in number. More than once Eldar and Dark Eldar would fight alongside the remnants of the XI and always among them were members of the Harlequin troupe who were the family to T'Karon. At last the remnants come to a standstill on the same planet that the Primarch was found on, the Exodites join in the fight alongside the legion, and the Ultramarine fleet surrounds the planet. The Ultramarines begin orbital bombardment and then descend to finish the job. The survivors of the bombing are T'Karon, the Solitaire, 2 Harlequin Troupes, several companies of Exodites and the Honor Guard of the XI Legion. The battle wages for the entire day with the Warp Stalkers displaying great resolve and determination. However as dusk falls the numbers of the Ultramarines turn the battle and all the defenders are slain with the exception of two. The body of T'Karon was never found and neither was that of the Harlequin Solitaire. Roboute then commits to the exterminatus of the planet and departs with his now enlarged legion. That is a summary of what I have in mind. Since T'Karon would have known all about chaos before he was found this would already create some friction with the Emperor who had done his best to keep them hidden, that and T'Karon was to all extents and purposes an Eldar Solitaire and had never had anything but contempt for the Mon-keigh. That is mostly about the Primarch. The Legion itself are known as the Warp Stalkers, and specialize in rapid assaults, hit and run, ambush assaults and close combat. Their favored units are unique despoiler squads (still planning) and Terminators with teleportation tech. Still not sure about the color scheme, I have already decided the scheme for the Harlequin Troupe that is central to the story (red and black with a red moon symbol). And I don't really have any ideas for a symbol yet. Anyway thats all I have... not great and not much but I like it . I don't have any miniatures for this ATM, I still have a couple more years of High School and FW is expensive, so I apologize for the lack of models. Thanks for all the feedback in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athrawes Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I like the foundation you have set. I always thought it would be interesting to have a xenos raised Primarch, who rejects the Imperium upon being found and his own legion has to put him down. The loyal remnants of the Legion are then slowly overtaken by a melancholy, as they push themselves to death trying to come to terms with themselves that they killed their own Primarch. If this is going to be a fluff log without miniatures, where you can work out your lore, a better place would perhaps be in the Liber sub-forum or in the Age of Darkness section. I'd recommend contacting a mod to get the thread moved there. I look forward to seeing you refine your idea, Welcome to the Lost and Forgotten Brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'Karon Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Yeah thats probably a good idea, moving the thread. Any idea who I should contact? The Xenos idea is one I am surprised more people have not used (unless of course they are all space marines fans and against the xenos :P). I considered creating my own Xenos race but i decided against that, as there is a lot of work involved creating your own race on top of a lost legion. Craftworld Eldar probably would not raise a mon-keigh (even a superhuman one) because they kind of don't really like them. Exodite Eldar would work potentially. Dark Eldar would probably turn the young primarch into another Angron or something like that. Cegorach the laughing god however would probably love to be spiteful towards the Emperor of mankind as that is what he does best, mess around with people, so he would probably love to have a primarch fighting for him. Anyway more ideas upcoming once this thread is moved. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikhalLeNoir Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Well to be exact, the laughing god and his servants had a big role in Gwalchavads upringing. His mask derives from them as the lady of the lake was a farseer. but the harleqins themselves doesn't show up/reappear until 641.m33 source lexicanum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khornestar Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Well to be exact, the laughing god and his servants had a big role in Gwalchavads upringing. His mask derives from them as the lady of the lake was a farseer. but the harleqins themselves doesn't show up/reappear until 641.m33 source lexicanum Who/what is Gwalchavads? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikhalLeNoir Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Well to be exact, the laughing god and his servants had a big role in Gwalchavads upringing. His mask derives from them as the lady of the lake was a farseer. but the harleqins themselves doesn't show up/reappear until 641.m33 source lexicanum Who/what is Gwalchavads? Gwalchavad is nobody, he was forgotten^^ Was a reply, that there are guys who used the xenos idea. other although only as a sketch would be this guy. he was raised in a community of hunters consisting of humans and xenos.http://img02.deviantart.net/b391/i/2011/119/1/4/the_xith_primarch_by_saint_max-d3f5fr3.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khornestar Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Holy cuss that is an incredible illustration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelborn Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 This artwork and the idea behind it are the base for my on legion and their primarch, Metheus Sa'Tal. :) Back to topic: seems solide, allthough there are some things that remind me of the Wardens of Light. But that can happen. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'Karon Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 Well then, things must change.... I stand corrected in regards to the Harlequins. Also I don't want to come across as similar to other peoples great ideas. So I think I will lean towards the Primarch being raised by an Exodite World, or Craftworld. What do you think the probability of a Craftworld raising a superhuman mon - keigh hat crashed on their "planet"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khornestar Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Well then, things must change.... I stand corrected in regards to the Harlequins. Also I don't want to come across as similar to other peoples great ideas. So I think I will lean towards the Primarch being raised by an Exodite World, or Craftworld. What do you think the probability of a Craftworld raising a superhuman mon - keigh hat crashed on their "planet"? Please, don't feel constrained by other people's ideas. They are surely not as unique as their authors think they are, nor are they in control of 40k's intellectual property. Furthermore, the fact that you didn't know about other people's fluff is proof enough that you didn't just go and "steal" it, for what it's worth. And even if you did, it's totally okay. Really. Write it however you like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikhalLeNoir Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Yeah. Write it as you like. I just pointed out, that there were others who had the idea before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelborn Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 And I just said that there are some things that remind me of the wardens. My legion will as well remind someone of something. That doesn't mean that he needs to change his fluff. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khornestar Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Yes, definitely not. It wasn't clear from the way I wrote it, so I apologize, but the point was to alleviate his concerns more than to criticize the commentary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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