Common errors when writing Space Marine characters

[Welcheren]

I haven't read Path of Heaven. Sounds great. What other titles in his oeuvre exemplifies this arch? 

[bluntblade]

You can see it with just Scars and PoH, butnI imagine Brotherhood of the Storm adds to it as well. There's also one of the Wolves characters in Battle of the Fang, and Henricos the Iron Hand in Scars.

[Welcheren]

Will have to read those soon. 

 

So (to everyone who's interested) how have you try to do this? What has worked well and what hasn't. 

 

For example, does it pay to write plots that put Apothecaries in unusually taxing situations that compel to undertake unusual roles, which showcase their military acuity? Or can you find a way to write brutality into their normal duties? 

[bluntblade]

I have yet to write an actual Apothecary character, to be honest.

 

Even just making it clear that he's been in a battle before attending to his duties could be a good idea. Like his Narthecium's taken a knock and isn't working well.

[bluntblade]

It occurs to me that I have actually written one scene with an Apothecary character. Not much, and his actual character was a secondary concern, but I did try to convey the peculiar drudgery that an Apothecary's job can entail.

 

Heck, just the idea that for a Space Marine, lots of things we'd consider insane are simply routine. There's nothing that exciting about mowing down heretic guard, for example. Foul, but nothing to get excited about.

[Welcheren]

Unless all those aggression-inducing hormones make it fun.

 

I just used Apothecaries as an example. How are things progressing with your Techmarines vis-a-vis the above question?

[Skalpynock]

Unless all those aggression-inducing hormones make it fun.

 

I just used Apothecaries as an example. How are things progressing with your Techmarines vis-a-vis the above question?

The Techmarine story has since been posted there.

[bluntblade]

I totally missed that reply, sorry.

 

I was never quite happy with the combat in that story, still feels a bit inert to me

[bluntblade]

Btw, regarding boredom, when you see Rogue One the second time, pay attention to Vader's body language during that scene

[Masked Thespian]

Is the Gildar Rift a work on here?

 

The Gildar Rift is an actual book from the Black Library, written by a friend of mine, Sarah Cawkwell.

[Wargamer]

You write good Space Marines the way you write any good character - they have to be living, breathing people.

 

A Space Marine is more than just a warrior; as others have said, they should have hopes and dreams of their own. Character quirks, and even flaws, help further flesh them out (incidentally, this is one of the reasons why I like Female Space Marines - even more character content to work with!).

 

To give some examples, here's a rough list of the various characters that have cropped up in my Supernovas Chapter while writing for them:

 

Xeran - A Sergeant (and later Captain) of the 4th. Headstrong to the point where he would rather take on a suicide mission than run away, but paradoxically cares deeply for his men and feels every loss keenly. These contradicting elements of his character can result in violent mood swings and periods of bitterness and reclusive behaviour following costly campaigns.

 

Dyus "Ironforged" - Recently promoted to Chapter Master. Stoic, calm under pressure and patient as a rock; very different from his Chapter, who are typically passionate and prone to swift action. Dyus' nature sets him apart from most of his brothers; a fact he keenly feels but rarely ever expresses.

 

Oxor - Sergeant of the Fifth. Capable and confident in his abilities as a sergeant, but apprehensive (bordering on fearful) of further responsibility. Has absolutely no desire to be promoted beyond his current station.

 

Cylaros - Chapter Champion. Extremely pious and devout, as well as a highly capable warrior, Cylaros is fearful of the "errant" nature of his Chapter, which has wandered quite a way from the Codex Astartes and, in recent history, has come into open conflict with other Imperial agencies. This, among other things, makes Cylaros fearful his Chapter may be deemed heretical or otherwise excommunicated: Cylaros therefore deeply wishes for the Chapter to return to Codex orthodoxy; a desire very few others in the Chapter share.

 

Loxn - Former member of Xeran's squad. A Happy-go-lucky individual who liked to make jokes and always tried to see the funny side of things. Secretly always wanted to be a bard and sleep with as many women as he could. His attitiude earned him a reputation as being insubordinate and unreliable. Sacrificed himself to save his squad, putting the aforementioned rumours to rest.

 

Mytal - One of the first female Marines recruited into the Chapter, and through a combination of the high failure rate of female aspirants and other factors, she has always felt that she had something to prove. This pushed Mytal to always seek to outdo her peers - to always be the first to the fray, the first to make a kill, or the first to capture the objective. Despite a long service record and having proven her worth to the Chapter many times, these feelings continue to dog her and likely always will.

 

 

I hope you can see from these examples where some interesting interactions can arise. Don't be afraid to give your Marines little foibles and traits you may not necessarily consider "proper" for Space Marines. Fiction is about characters; if we want generic bolter-toting Marines who just shout stock phrases, we can go play Dawn of War instead.

[bluntblade]

 

Is the Gildar Rift a work on here?

 

The Gildar Rift is an actual book from the Black Library, written by a friend of mine, Sarah Cawkwell.

 

I see

[paulJam]

Character quirks, and even flaws, help further flesh them out (incidentally, this is one of the reasons why I like Female Space Marines - even more character content to work ...

Oh so very much heresy

;)

[Wargamer]

Character quirks, and even flaws, help further flesh them out (incidentally, this is one of the reasons why I like Female Space Marines - even more character content to work ...

Oh so very much heresy

I care little for your claims of heresy. Many a pious man has been put to death for putting into practice what the saints have preached.

[Welcheren]

So, in essence, the common error would be to miss valuable points generic to all sympathetic characters:

 

strong/idiosyncratic viewpoint,

unique quirks,

strong identifiable/admirable qualities,

goals and

weaknesses.

[Wargamer]

So, in essence, the common error would be to miss valuable points generic to all sympathetic characters:

 

strong/idiosyncratic viewpoint,

unique quirks,

strong identifiable/admirable qualities,

goals and

weaknesses.

Pretty much, yes.

 

If you want a good example, play Space Marine. Titus is a badass who slaughters thousands of foes, but he's also noble, humble and selfless. He also has aspects of his character that bring this purity into question.

 

Sidonus is a grizzled veteran, but he's got a sense of humour that makes him really likeable.

 

Leandros is a Codex issue Marine who can't wipe his backside without checking how Guilliman wanted it done, and hence he's utterly terrible as a character.

[bluntblade]

So, in essence, the common error would be to miss valuable points generic to all sympathetic characters:

 

strong/idiosyncratic viewpoint,

unique quirks,

strong identifiable/admirable qualities,

goals and

weaknesses.

Within certain parameters. Nice to see you again, it's been a while]

[Phoebus]

Some of the thoughts below will sound patently obvious. I offered them only because I find that, too often, the more obvious aspects of the setting are either forgotten or ignored by even the professional writers commissioned to write about it.

Regarding the physical:

First, nothing defines the physical aspect of a Space Marine more that the eighteen (or less, depending on the Chapter) genetically-tailored organs implanted into each and every Battle-Brother during their induction. When thinking about what a Space Marine can or cannot do in a given physical situation, always consider whether or not one of the gene-seed implants correlates to the activity in question.

 

Second, there is a spectrum of information of information out there, regarding how a gene-seed implant aids a Space Marine, and to what extent they do so. At one extreme, we have the laconic descriptions of the implants themselves, from various sources ranging from Codices to old Index Astartes articles. They contend themselves with letting us know that the Biscopea, for example, "greatly [increases] the Space Marine's strength." At the other extreme, the Deathwatch roleplaying game provides tables that specify how much weight a Space Marine is capable of dragging, lifting, or pushing. According to its Core Rulebook, an average Space Marine (that is to say, a Space Marine character whose player generated average Strength and Toughness trait scores for him) outside his power armour is capable of dead-lifting two and a half times more weight than the current record-holder.

 

The prospective author ultimately has a great degree of freedom to express just how this strength translates. The only "rule," I would offer, is to remember that every Space Marine is ultimately superhuman - a word repeated several times in practically every Space Marine-centered Codex and throughout related fiction. Tackling such prowess can feel daunting. The key, as with any other setting and type of character, is to keep the story interesting. The whole point of displaying a Space Marine's prowess is to engage the reader without ruining their suspension of disbelief. Keeping that in perspective should help ensure that the Space Marine seems neither underpowered nor ludicrous.

 

Regarding the mental:

 

A Space Marine, as we all know, is not a normal man. As the old Index Astartes articles said, "A Marine is more than a human with extraordinary powers. Marines have extraordinary minds as well! ... These mental powers are, if anything, more extraordinary than even [their] physical powers ..." A Space Marine can endure pain that would kill an ordinary man; he can think and react at lightning speeds; even those who don't possess outright eidetic memories outright undergo potent mnemonic training that provides them with almost instant recall of various complex skill sets.

 

As such, Space Marines can be an interesting study in contrasts where intelligence is concerned. Yes, as with normal men, Space Marines can vary in terms of mental acumen. That having been said, the author should be careful about depicting them as somehow stupid or foolish. There's nothing wrong with character flaws, mind you; arrogance, belligerence, prejudice, stubbornness, and suspicion can probably be found throughout the ranks of most Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes. These are beings who were painstakingly selected, cultivated, trained, and developed to become peerless warriors whose discipline is constantly maintained by so many different means - hypnotic conditioning, the Chapter cult, etc. One must seriously consider to what extent such a warrior's flaws should intrude in his capacity to carry out his duties.

 

That blunt, introverted Battle-Brother, for example, understands the principles of trans-atmospheric flight and the physics it involves. He can read a battlefield like his own palm. His mind can process the potentially hundreds of audio-visual indicators and cues his power armour's auto-senses and data-streams can deliver to him. He can react to changes in a tactical situation in the blink of an eye. He couldn't begin to find his way through a forge, however, much less forge his own sword, unless someone sat him in a hypnogogic machine first and flash-instilled the relevant knowledge into his brain. 

 

Regarding the cultural:

First, look to the Space Marine's Chapter. What do they value? What do they abhor? Their values and beliefs are what should inform a Space Marine's character.

 

Space Marines, after all, are individuals whose transformation divorces them from their past and memories of it. Conditioning - conscious and subconscious - is applied on a constant basis. Chaplains exist to ensure morale within a Chapter remains strong and moral dangers don't creep in. They are there to foster belief and eliminate doubt. The point is to maintain the Chapter as the Space Marine's world: as the entity to which he belongs, second only to the Emperor of Mankind.

 

Think about this for a second. How likely is it that a Space Marine will be something other than someone at least striving to be an exemplar of whatever values his Chapter holds dear?

 

Will there be exceptions? Of course. There should be good reasons for them, though. Does a Space Marine character being different than his Battle-Brothers support the story? Does the story support the Space Marine character being different? Did Graham McNeill err in making Uriel Ventris question the way the Codex Astartes was applied? Or did he err in never explaining just how he and his predecessor, Idaeus, developed such beliefs?

 

Thanks for giving my perspective your time!

[Welcheren]

@Phoebus. Well put.

 

 

@Bluntblade. Yeah I've been taking a small Sabbath from internet sites. Good to be back.

 

@Wargamer. Clearly I need to get my hands on Space Marine.

 

(For some reason, I cannot get my multiquote to work).

[bluntblade]

I've been writing some stuff for an alt-heresy about a Space Marine wrestling with the aftermath of the initial betrayal, alone on another Legion's ship. Does this sound right for an Astartes? Context for his style is that his Legion have a lot of Apothecaries and a mindset generally predicated on surgical (boom-tish) precision.

 

 

 

So he descended further, through the fumes, sparks and ruddy light of the forge-decks, into the bowels of the ship and forcing himself to simply proceed, not prowl. Finding a vacant storage chamber, he decided this would suffice.

 

Condensation dripped in a corner as he drew Ladon. Disruptor energies crackled along the blade, bathing the chamber in blue light. Odyssalas breathed slowly, closing his eyes.

 

Then he whirled, and in his mind's eye he disembowelled a Drowned man. The axe that had taken Sephrades' life clattered to the floor. Slashed left then right, and the Fire Keeper who had killed Patroclus died again, cleaved through his hearts. He reaved through the murderers in near-silence, hissing breaths all he allowed himself. He killed quickly and cleanly, fighting the urge to twist here and there, to wring pain out of every foe. Restraint and patience were a struggle, even against the spectres of his imagination.

 

Lockett stood before him. This time he was unhelmed, and his face had twisted, becoming uglier than Odyssalas had known it in life. The Drowned captain came at him with a power sword, and Odyssalas sidestepped once, twice, forced a lock, drove his opponent back, spun around the counter, stepped inside the guard and stabbed.

 

He opened his eyes, breathing heavily, and let the glaive's tip drop. He killed the disruptor charge and stood, scowling at a puddle on the floor. He knew Lockett must be dead, crushed under the merciless weight of the Untaran sea. He had seen to it when he broke the bastard's seal. And yet Odyssalas wanted to see his eyes widen and smell his blood burning as Ladon cut deeper, into the spine.

 

The knowledge of his own petty vindictiveness sat uncomfortably within him, and it brought back the faces of his dead brothers once again. Cursing in Ionan, he stepped back into the shadows, still trying to distract himself.

 

[Welcheren]

I enjoyed the imagery and the description. For more detailed feedback, a richer knowledge of context would be necessary.

[Olis]

The tone seems alright to me, although the "crushed under the merciless weight of the Untaran Sea" doesn't quite jive with me (if I can be permitted more general critique here), as does the statement about the Captain's seals. It suggests that they are fighting underwater - something that is contradicted by other, earlier details. Is this merely a slip of the tongue or are more details needed? Currently, I'm not sure which scenario is true. Underwater, or not?

 

(Maybe I am just missing context, as this might be an excerpt and I don't have all of the details I need.) 

 

On a brighter note, I liked the introspection by Odyssalas. :tu: 

[bluntblade]

They were fighting in an underwater facility, a battle that ends with the structure being breached - killing that captain in the process after Odyssalas cuts his neck-seal. I might dig the original link out when I can find it.

[Welcheren]

Now it makes more sense. Sounds intriguing.

[Carrack]

@bluntblade. This was well written, not just the action, but the conflict between Odyssalas's killer nature and his humanity, or at least his professionalism. I think that conflict enrichens the character beyond just a superhuman killing machine.