[IRON GAUNTLET 2017] Kraxan

[Donkey Kong]

As per NightrwaenII's suggestion in a another Gauntlet Thread, I'll be writing my Author's Forward. If it's helpful and any good, I'll copy it into the second post as well. For those of you that may have missed it:

 

Second, and this apply to all Iron Gauntleters, you should post some kind of "Author's Foreword" which would explain your intentions, ambitions and thoughts on the Chapter and the article.*

 

I will murder anybody (and everybody), who will say that he wants to write awesome article, win the contest and hear the praise of generations to come.

 

 

 

Author's Foreword

I am writing the Index Astartes Article for the Astral Reavers Chapter from the perspective of an in universe Imperial document. The Astral Reavers were conceived as loyalist space pirates. I want them to be privateers in their actions as space combat specialists. I want their character to reflect their speciality. I have the skeleton for what I want to write outlined, and I think that insofar my bullets are coherent but bare, and I need help fleshing those points out.

 

Following in the footsteps of Dan Abnett's Gaunt's Ghosts and the Forge World Campaign Books, in my experience, I've found that 40k is best told in isolated and contained events. I want to tie my Chapter into the greater 40k universe through the Moirae Schism, but I want to do it in such a way that what I write does not conflict with that GW may choose to write in the future. I want to carve out a sector of space to be my playground as Abnett has done with the Sabbat Worlds. I want my Moirae Schism and my Sector to play into my article without being overbearing or taking focus away from the Chapter.

 

And just because NightrawenII said not to, I want to write what Commissar Molotov's Castigators were for me eight odd years ago. I want to write an article that is coherent and complete and for a Chapter that his a distinct look and character and is indisputably 40k in theme and tone, and that will, hopefully, inspires others to want to do the same.

 

EDIT Foreword

[NightrawenII]

 

The Astral Reavers were conceived as loyalist space pirates. I want them to be privateers in their actions as space combat specialists.

It's sort of hilarious, but it dawned to me that your Chapter doesn't have any reason to be space pirates. Or to put it in different way, who are they privateering?

Okey, they are recruited from the water world and all the jazz, but the Chapter's modus operandi is entirely different kind of beast.

 

Can I suggest a twist?

Make your Chapter a Moraie heretics, they would be hunted by the orthodox Admech forces of/in the XYZ region of space, but because it's Xenos-hauted wilderness (mostly Orks), the Admech forces have little to no success. It would also explain their tendency to pillage and rob enemies, create scattered hidden vaults of equipment and weapons - ie. being actually the Pirates... in spaaaace.

 

I'm not sure how would your Chapter survive this ordeal though.

 

 

And just because NightrawenII said not to, I want to write what Commissar Molotov's Castigators were for me eight odd years ago. I want to write an article that is coherent and complete and for a Chapter that his a distinct look and character and is indisputably 40k in theme and tone, and that will, hopefully, inspires others to want to do the same.

Once the IAs lived and died at my command, yet the Liberites still dare to oppose my will.

 

 

P.S. It's "foreword" not "forward".

 

 

~ NightrawenII

[Donkey Kong]

It's sort of hilarious, but it dawned to me that your Chapter doesn't have any reason to be space pirates. Or to put it in different way, who are they privateering?

Okey, they are recruited from the water world and all the jazz, but the Chapter's modus operandi is entirely different kind of beast.

 

 

 

I thought it would make sense if they privateer Ork roks and raid Ork worlds. Plus there's the few centuries the Chapter spends raiding Moirae ships.

 

 

Can I suggest a twist?

Make your Chapter a Moraie heretics, they would be hunted by the orthodox Admech forces of/in the XYZ region of space, but because it's Xenos-hauted wilderness (mostly Orks), the Admech forces have little to no success. It would also explain their tendency to pillage and rob enemies, create scattered hidden vaults of equipment and weapons - ie. being actually the Pirates... in spaaaace.

 

I'm not sure how would your Chapter survive this ordeal though.

 

 

 

I'm not either. I thought about it and it either conflicts or undermines a lot of things I've written that I like. It goes against the Red Talons roots given how that Chapter took to the Moirae Schism. I like the idea of the Ecclesiarchy's involvement and that would imply that the Chapter sides with the now radical sect in a time around when the ecclesiarchy has a reformation. What would a Chapter target in an Ork empire to raid, rob, and hide in a vault? I'm not sure how the Sons of Medusa get away with being sympathetic to the Moirae, but it's not something I want to imitate. Not a great suggestion if it creates more problems than it solves.

[Badass_Spaz]

Woah now, lets not dismiss the potential traitor idea. While the Morai Schism thoroughly muffed all the chicken up, there is room for further conflict even after the Schisms initial events concluded. Lets not forget that Chapter act primarily independently and, to put blunt, at their own leisure. Granted, discipline keeps them on their as does their loyalty but the fact remains they are their own independent entities- some might compare them to space contractors.

Draakur, may the God-Emperor immolate his heathen soul, suggests possible heretical elements in his Chapter but doesn't blatantly state it. Instead, said implications are left to interpretation for the readers. It's not like the oh-so omnipresent Inquisitors will magically appear and stamp in big bold High Gothic HEATHEN WHORES on their foreheads.

So, I suggest exploring the idea a little further before tossing it away entirely. Perhaps they excavate Space Hulks without informing the Mechanicus or send salvage parties into debris fields. Say they discover something relatively lucrative, like pre-schism titan weapons, ridiculously things and keep it for themselves. More so greedy or overly weary, preferring to guard such potent weapons instead of the Mechanicum.

Anyway, you don't need to be upfront about it just tip-toe and make subtle notes here and there.

FORCE FEEDING YOUR BRAIN HERESY!

[NightrawenII]

 

I thought it would make sense if they privateer Ork roks and raid Ork worlds. Plus there's the few centuries the Chapter spends raiding Moirae ships.

Well, yes.

But you want them to be space combat specialists - in the above the naval combat does not necessarily represent the main focus. Unless, of course, the Chapter strategy is to quarantine the Ork-held worlds by utterly destroying their space-faring abilities.

Also, your version of Moraie schism doesn't strike me as affair of raid and counter-raid but, given the worlds and factions involved, a massive armies trying beat snot out of each other. - This might be just my impression.

 

 

 

I'm not either. I thought about it and it either conflicts or undermines a lot of things I've written that I like. It goes against the Red Talons roots given how that Chapter took to the Moirae Schism. I like the idea of the Ecclesiarchy's involvement and that would imply that the Chapter sides with the now radical sect in a time around when the ecclesiarchy has a reformation. What would a Chapter target in an Ork empire to raid, rob, and hide in a vault? I'm not sure how the Sons of Medusa get away with being sympathetic to the Moirae, but it's not something I want to imitate. Not a great suggestion if it creates more problems than it solves.

Since it's my brainchild I'm going to defend it for a bit.

 

The main idea id that Chapter either declares themselves heretek (it could be just radical group taking a temporal control) or is declared heretek (don't forget there is conspiracy on their homeworld), the orthodox Admech foces come crashing but the Chapter retreats into wilderness space infested with Orks, where the Admech cannot follow them. The Chapter then resorts to raiding, pillaging and burning of the Admech propriety, be it ships, outposts or vassal planets and/or non-aligned imperial shipments.

Now, there are two possible solutions. A. The Admech complains to the daddy of Astral Reavers the Red Talons and they will either come or send a message to chastise the Astra Reavers. The radical party is overtrown and the Chapter is restored (maybe some penitent crusade follows). B. Someone realises it's all big misunderstanding and will try to parlay with Astral Reavers, which will again result in the Chapter restored.

 

 

~ NightrawenII

[Draakur]

Draakur, may the God-Emperor immolate his heathen soul

I got a good, hearty chuckle out of this :lol: The fact that I laughed rather than took offence probably doesn't say good things about the situation, though :huh: :p

 

Re: "What would a Chapter target in an Ork empire to raid, rob and hide in a vault?", maybe they're in possession of an ancient relic or piece of archeotech of immense value in some way? Orks being orks, they have no concept at all of what they have in their possession, but it could be something your Chapter can't possibly pass up the opportunity to try to retake. Could even be say, a long-ago captured Iron Hands major vessel of great significance, that the orks have since been getting around in for centuries/millenia and basically "driving it like they stole it"... because they did.

 

"Such an invaluable relic of our forebears, being so utterly desecrated and mistreated by this xenos filth... brothers, this cannot be allowed to stand. In such hours are we tested, for truly our honour is at stake - We must make to reclaim it immediately and at all costs, lest we spit on the very memory of Ferrus himself..." Etc.

 

+edit+

Typing is hard.

[Badass_Spaz]

Hey KHK, are you going to let those brain gobbling, DAEMON SNIFFING HARLOTS, cruise around in that precious relic vessel? Just imagine all the weird and vile psyker crap they're doing in there: Hanging dream catchers, knitting non-omnissiah bonnets, and other filthy things that don't include toasters and plug outlets. I say you march on that ship, snap the Magical Inquisitors neck, and take back your vessel... AND KEEP IT! If the Administratum and Mechanicus say no, then let'em fight you for it.

I'm off to bed, you all have a good night.

[Donkey Kong]

But you want them to be space combat specialists - in the above the naval combat does not necessarily represent the main focus. Unless, of course, the Chapter strategy is to quarantine the Ork-held worlds by utterly destroying their space-faring abilities.

Also, your version of Moraie schism doesn't strike me as affair of raid and counter-raid but, given the worlds and factions involved, a massive armies trying beat snot out of each other. - This might be just my impression.

 

 

I wanted the focus of the space combat to be boarding actions. Quarantining Orks planetside is one option. The other half of it was decapitating Ork leaders to promote infighting and prevent any individual warboss from accumulating enough power to threaten the  Sector.

Sure, my local Moirae Conflict is going to be big armies trading blows, but those armies are still going to need to be supplied, and that's where raiding trade ships comes in.

 

 

The main idea id that Chapter either declares themselves heretek (it could be just radical group taking a temporal control) or is declared heretek (don't forget there is conspiracy on their homeworld), the orthodox Admech foces come crashing but the Chapter retreats into wilderness space infested with Orks, where the Admech cannot follow them. The Chapter then resorts to raiding, pillaging and burning of the Admech propriety, be it ships, outposts or vassal planets and/or non-aligned imperial shipments.

Now, there are two possible solutions. A. The Admech complains to the daddy of Astral Reavers the Red Talons and they will either come or send a message to chastise the Astra Reavers. The radical party is overtrown and the Chapter is restored (maybe some penitent crusade follows). B. Someone realises it's all big misunderstanding and will try to parlay with Astral Reavers, which will again result in the Chapter restored.

 

 

I was considering carrying the conspiracy story into the Moirae Schism by having the Chapter target the conspirators during the conflict and then bringing up an issue over whether or not the conspirators were Hereteks in the first place.

I'd rather avoid dragging Red Talons into my conflict. I'm usually not a fan of namedropping, and the Red Talons are occupied with purging their own ranks in the Schism. Add to that, if the Red Talons are willing to fight one another, why would they hesitate to attack their offspring? However, if even the dogmatic Red Talons have some Moirae sympathizers, that's argument enough to question why the Astral Reavers don't.

I want to avoid retreading old ground. I don't want my Chapter to just have a Red Talons purging the ranks story, and i don't want to have a "third of the Chapter sides with the Moirae and goes on to form a successor" in the Iron Hands/Sons of Medusa.

But, the bigger problem I see in this is that a parley, a penitent crusade, these aren't character defining events for the Chapter. They're details, and maybe they're details that can help me write a story later, but they're not going to help me write an IA now. So while I'm certainly more open to the idea of some faction of the Astral Reavers siding with the hereteks, I'm still opposed to the Chapter being hereteks.

 

Between Draakur and Badass_Spaz, the idea of treasure hunting in the region seems popular. It could certainly tie in well, some debris fields from older battles, space hulks, industrial worlds contested and conquered by Orks. I like it.

 

I would also really appreciate it if anyone could take a look back at my second post and comment on what I have written there. It's got my most updated notes that I'm going to be using to write my article. Thanks again.

[Draakur]

I'll check out the second post soon :tu:

[NightrawenII]

 

The other half of it was decapitating Ork leaders to promote infighting and prevent any individual warboss from accumulating enough power to threaten the  Sector.

Hmm, I think we are not on the same page here.

What you have here is 'normal' modus operandi for Space Marine Chapter. But you want them to be space combat specialists, albeit in boarding actions. Which begets the question where is the reason for them to develop this tendency.

Yes, you have the Orks here, but like you say in above quote, it would also involve a lot of fighting planetside which means =/= space combat speciality.

Moraie Schism was just one episode in Chapter's long history and it happened millenia ago and even at the time it was most likely not the only strategy available. Again =/= space combat speciality.

For a speciality you need a impetus and necessity to maintain and hone their skill.

 

So, my suggestion was, instead of doing it classic way ie. 'killing bosses and meks' the Astral Reavers hunt down and demolish every Ork ship they can find along the filosophy that no ships = Waaagh!!! grounded.

 

 

So while I'm certainly more open to the idea of some faction of the Astral Reavers siding with the hereteks, I'm still opposed to the Chapter being hereteks.

Fine enough.

 

 

~ NightrawenII

[Donkey Kong]

So, my suggestion was, instead of doing it classic way ie. 'killing bosses and meks' the Astral Reavers hunt down and demolish every Ork ship they can find along the filosophy that no ships = Waaagh!!! grounded.

 

 

I like this a lot. Do you think that the Astral Reavers would be better served avoiding the normal MO raids completely or just doing them less often? And should there be some comeuppance for letting warbosses accumulate power planetside?

[Ferrus Manus]

 

I like this a lot. Do you think that the Astral Reavers would be better served avoiding the normal MO raids completely or just doing them less often? And should there be some comeuppance for letting warbosses accumulate power planetside?

I think it would depend on the Chapter's attitude. Mainly, I think it would come down to whether they were more interested in what they could physically get out of each raid or if they are more concerned about the honour and glory of each. For me, if its the former then they would hunt ships - seeking to raid tech and riches - if its the latter then I think they would do both. Hunt down capital ships first, decapitate the enemy command, then raid the rest of the ships. Honour and riches. Which would also apply for your second question, I think. After all, is it not negligent on their part to ignore large concentrations of Orks just because they are planet side? Maybe it is, and they don't care. All they're interested in is defending the void.

[Draakur]

^^Liking this angle^^ :tu:

 

Does a lot for the reaver base to their character.

[Donkey Kong]

I'm not sure I get your greed vs glory split Ferrus. Roks are hallowed out asteroids filled with orks, engines, and guns. Kroozers are ramshackle Imperial Navy ships. What is there to raid for riches? I didn't imagined the Reavers or any Iron Hands to be particularly glory hungry. I like the idea of the Chapter being pragmatic, picking the fight they can win in space as opposed to running pest control on worlds that they can only lose slower. I also like the idea of the Chapter chucking roks back at the Ork worlds because why raid an Ork factory to assassinate a Big Mek when you can drop a meteor on him?

 

At the same time, I think it makes sense for the Reavers to have a greedy streak. I don't think a wholesome Chapter would break into a Forge World's vaults and take all their goodies for keeps even if they are blaspheming hereteks.

 

I do like the attitude of "Orks without ships don't matter". For comeuppance I can imagine some Ork Freebooter Kaptin providing ships and being a thorn in the Chapter's side.

 

And a few questions to round things out

To what extent would the Chapter have influence over local Guard and Navy forces in the sector? Would these forces attack Ork worlds without the Chapter's aid or possibly against their wishes?

Hive Fleet Leviathan hits Segmentum Tempestus in 997.M41. To what extent should this very recent event factor into the IA?

[NightrawenII]

To what extent would the Chapter have influence over local Guard and Navy forces in the sector?

As per Codex Astartes, none.

+++++

How the people ended up with Astral Reavers plundering Orks? I never said anything like that. I just proposed that being the apostates, they would have to resort to raiding and treasure burying (for bad times to come).

~ NightrawenII

[LancsHotpot90]

After reading through all this, aside from saying I like where the chapter is going so far, I've not much to add to the general feedback you've already received.

 

As to hive fleet Leviathan, maybe holding back a few roks at hive-ships in a stalling attempt would be a cool idea, could even be why they seem to be "looting" the roks, not so much for resources and weapons, more finding some sort of drive or engine to guide them towards the hivefleet?

[Donkey Kong]

So, what's the suggestion, NightrawenII? The Moirae sympathizers help the Hereteks hide what? It wouldn't be weapons because they would use those. It might be Moirae writings, but then the Chapter's only motivation to find them would be to destroy them.

 

As to hive fleet Leviathan, maybe holding back a few roks at hive-ships in a stalling attempt would be a cool idea, could even be why they seem to be "looting" the roks, not so much for resources and weapons, more finding some sort of drive or engine to guide them towards the hivefleet? 

 

 

Thank you LancsHotpot90, but I'm not quite sure what you mean by this.

[Donkey Kong]

I've hit a bit of writer's block so I figured that the best course of action would be to sit down shut up and just power through another stream of consciousness but this time in a proper IA format and see what happens. The alternative would be to boot up Hearthstone and grind ladder until I fall asleep, and this sounded more fun.

 

I'm still awful at naming things, and more than open to getting responses of nothing but paragraphs of gibberish that sound like names.

 

Origins

The Astral Reavers are founded in the Eighth Founding in Mid M34. The High Lords of Terra are petitioned by Sector ________ because they have any combination of Ork held worlds in the sector, a looming fleet or Ork Roks about to hit the sector, pesky Ork Freebooterz raiding supply lines in the sector, Ork invasion of industrial worlds in the sector and for whatever reason they can't just have a Chapter show up and do it, and whatever combination of local PDF, Imperial Guard, Imperial Navy Battlefleet ________, and Adeptus Mechanicus Explorators, Skitarii, Robots, Knights, and Titans from two forge worlds can't handle it themselves.

 

A training cadre is recruited from the Red Talons Chapter, they're handed their new chapter recruited from Patuger, for some reason arbitrary or symbolic and full of deeper meaning they're named the Astral Reavers, and the Astral Reavers beat up Orks in their ramshackle spaceships and chuck asteroids that are also said ramshackle spaceships at Ork held territory and/or planets (the implication being that the Chapter drops meteors on contested worlds which may upset the locals a tad). They may or may not also attack Orks on the ground, get their noses bloodied, and say this is dumb, and return to dropping meteors (a wise man learns from the mistakes of others). Or the Chapter could decide that the previous method of fighting Orks was dumb and dropping meteors is more effective and fun. The Astral Reavers are heroes, they're named Wardens of Sector ________ until I can think of a cooler name like the Maelstrom Warders, they beat up Orks in space even if they're negligent of Orks accumulating power on Ork held worlds and have no interest in invading them for raid bosses and loot drops.

 

M35 rolls around, the Miorae Schism kicks off locally, the Astral Reavers learn that there are blaspheming hereteks on their buddy Forge World Beta's territory, and the Astral Reavers spend a few centuries fighting against them. Enter what's probably going to be a wonderful and engaging short story covering the war from the Astral Reavers first strike, battle lines being drawn, An Ecclesiarchy cult leader seeking to become Adeptus Mechanicus Machine God Emperor Pope, Moirae Hereteks hiring Ork Freebooterz mercenaries and or getting ships to those planet locked Orks that the Astral Reavers didn't care about, A little farm girl on a backwater world that no one cared about rising to the occasion to become Saint ________ and allying herself and her followers with the Orthodox Mechanicus and the Astral Reavers with the power of faith and friendship and becoming a folk hero who goes on to facilitate relationships between the later reformed Ecclesiarchy in the sector and the Adeptus Mechanicus/Astral Reavers, and the Astral Reavers inevitably cracking the Heretek vaults, taking the shiniest toys and their chunk of flesh by putting Forge World Beta under Patugain occupation. Orthodox Forge World Alpha gets a bunch of ships from their previous ally and rival. The scene is set and the play goes on.

 

Homeworld

Patuger is a tropical water world. It is rediscovered by Adeptus Mechanicus Explorators in M34, a century or so before the Origins stuff happens. Explorator Magos ________ expected to find a dead world, instead he found a thriving world with a Machine Cult that facilitates bringing Patuger into the Imperial fold. For whatever reason, the Patugain Machine Cult doesn't totally flip out that they missed seeing the Omnissiah walk the stars. Survey is conducted, the events of the conspiracy short story begin, Patugains have traits that make the sufficiently human and eligible candidates to become Astartes. When the events of the Origins start, some Tech-priests put forward Patuger as an eligible homeworld, and Patuger wins The Bachelor, except the marriage works.

 

This is the paragraph where I delve into Patugain culture and I need each and every one of you to forget that the challenge has a word count to meet and remind me that 99% of everything I write is extraneous, pointless, and doesn't actually contribute anything to the Chapter. Patugains are techno-barbarians. Their machine cult builds them stuff, and they use the stuff to live and fish and farm and cook and fight. The people are all Orthodox Machine Cultists. The society is feudal, there are Great Houses and there are Lesser Houses sworn to those Great Houses. They're all descended from Uphivers, but the Great Houses are descended from the super wealthy and powerful uphivers and or the less super wealthy uphivers that schemed and connived their way to seats of power in the thousands of years that Patuger has been a tropical paradise fight for survival. The Great Houses also have Necromunda style Hunter Rigs, because I want my House Lords and Ladies to fly and be spider-man. They live on platform towns build around lagoons where they farm seaweed and algae and shepherd manatees with seals. The people are super tall and they wear swimsuits that make them swim better. The Patugain people are inherently a planetary defense force. It's all very fascinating.

 

I have no idea how these fascinating people are supposed to prove their worth to the Astral Reavers.

 

The Astral Reavers have a massive Fortress Monastery called Endiger that is an artificial island that is somewhere between the size of Japan and Australia. It's a massive metal mountain that's also a reservoir, a hydroelectric dam, and a giant waterfall. Endiger looks like a bigger, gothic, grim dark version of Vekta City from Killzone Shadowfall. It's great symbolism because one of the parts of the Martian faith is in the triumvirate of Machine God, Omnissiah (The God Emperor), and Motive Force (electricity, which Endiger makes). Endiger also has an armory where the tech-marines and bikes hang out, a crypt where the bodies and dreadnought sarcophagi hang out, temples to the Machine God, and some other stuffy copied and pasted over from whatever Games Workshop has written about The Fang because The Fang is the only Fortress Monastery they've ever actually written about to my knowledge. Patuger has one moon that is home to some moon defense guns and a shipyard where the Astral Reavers fleet docks. Lots of the menial labor is done or directed by the Patugain machine cult.

 

Combat Doctrine

The Astral Reavers mostly fight Orks. The Chapter's philosophy is to defeat Orks in space and ignore Orks on planets and/or drop meteors on them if they get too uppity. The Astral Reavers are good at fighting aboard spaceships. The Astral Reavers track down Ork Roks and Kroozers by sending out their Second Company as forward scouts and using the rest of the Chapter to patrol as well as coordinating with the Adeptus Mechanicus and Imperial Navy Battlefleet ________. More recently, the Astral Reavers are fighting tendrils of Hive Fleet Leviathan. The Chapter still boards Hive Ships fights them in space that way.

 

The Astral Reavers like to pick fights in confined spaces where they're confident they can win and avoid open battlefields where they're more vulnerable. The Astral Reavers follow doctrines in the Codex Astartes more suited for smaller units instead of deploying the entire Chapter together. The Astral Reavers also have a healthy sized fleet that they use to win battles. Since the Chapter likes to fight aboard spaceships, favored weapons and wargear are suited for that environment. Flamers, Gravitons, Lascutters, Meltas, Shotguns, Webbers, Boarding Shields, Breeching Charged, Melta Bombs, Void Hardened Armor.

 

Chapter Organization

The Astral Reavers have a codex force organization of 10 Companies of 100 Battle Brothers plus Chaplains, Librarians, Apothecaries, and Techmarines and leadership. The First Company is the Veteran Company and they have a cool name that makes them sound threatening. First Company and First Company Veterans are the only marines allowed to use Terminator Armor. The Second Company special in that their mission is to seek out targets for the Chapter. They seek out Roks in Ork space. In the Schism they sought out Hereteks attempting to hide or escape. They also use lots of bikes and landspeeders although I'm struggling to justify that the more I consider that they're giving chase in spaceships. How does the Ravenwing get away with this again?

 

The Third, Fourth and Fifth Companies are Battle Companies with tactical, assault, and devastator marines. The Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, and Ninth are Reserve Companies. The Tenth Company is the neophyte company which is usually divided amongst the Battle Companies. This copy and paste spiel may be better served with a pretty picture or table.

 

Almost as vital as their Battle Brothers is the Chapter fleet. The Astral Reavers have 2 Battle Barges, 7 Strike Cruisers, 14 Rapid Strike Vessels, and some number of light cruisers and escorts. I have no idea if this is too much or too little.

 

Chapter Cult

The Astral Reavers are devout members of the Martian Orthodox Machine Cult. Their homeworld is populated by members of the Orthodox cult. The Red Talons were as well. The Astral Reavers believe in the Machine God, the Omnissiah the Imperium's God Emperor of Mankind, and Motive Force. The Astral Reavers believe in the Quest for Knowledge. I don't know what they seek out or where they seek it out, but they do.

 

The Astral Reavers spiritual leaders are their Iron Fathers, a hybrid Chaplain and Techmarine/Tech-priest. The Iron Fathers fulfill the role of Chaplains in typical Codex Chapters. The Chapter's Iron Fathers put them at odds with the Ecclesiarchy. Techmarines are better integrated into the Astral Reavers than many codex Chapters where they are disconnected from their battle brothers. There's probably some higher respect for Dreadnoughts for being closer to machines in addition to the already massive respect given to interred heroes. This respect probably also carries over to ship crews, as well as pilots of war machines like Knights and Titans.

 

Gene-Seed

The Astral Reavers have Ferrus Manus's gene-seed. The Astral Reavers have a stable gene-seed. The Astral Reavers do not have the off putting misanthropic Iron Hands habit of ritually chopping off limbs for bionic replacements.

 

Self Review

Combat Doctrine, Chapter Organization, Chapter Cult, and Gene-Seed still feel bare. Chapter Organization should probably include something about what makes my Chapter's Librarians special.

[Dizzyeye01]

In terms of the homeworld, perhaps instead of focusing on what makes the people there unique, instead focus on how the chapter views them as being worthy to bear tgeir geneseed. One way could be that the Houses groom their children to becoming recruited by training them for a set if trials the chapter holds at certain times. Another cpuld be they try to show their superiority by fighting the other houses on the land and the Astral Reavers watch from a distance then grab who they see as worthy at the end of the fighting.

 

Also in terms of companies, in the Codex Astartes I believe it is common for the 8th to be the assault which leads to them usually having the bikes and landspeeders. Perhaps have the 2nd be known to briefly go planetside to slow down any ork success in securing spaceships and then withdrawing again just as quickly.

[LancsHotpot90]

Hive Fleet Leviathan hits Segmentum Tempestus in 997.M41. To what extent should this very recent event factor into the IA?

It was a suggestion as to how you could add this recent event into your IA. I should've quoted in the first place as, after re-reading it, it does seem a bit of a random comment :)

[NightrawenII]

Hmm, seems like B&C engine hates my guts, but I will try to make it readable.

Perhaps have the 2nd be known to briefly go planetside to slow down any ork success in securing spaceships and then withdrawing again just as quickly.

 

This.

You could say, the 2nd is sort of oddball company which gathers all the impetuous and reckless marines, who are simply not content with fighting Orks in space, but want to take the fight to them on the ground. In such case, bearing in mind the Ork's vastly superior numbers, the speed and mobility is of paramount importance.

You could even draw a analogy in Patugean society with diver-warriors who delve into depths of the seas to battle golden hermit-crabs or something - Which gains them reputation, albeit somewhat questionable, of brave and mighty warriors.

 

~ NightrawenII

[Draakur]

Ok, I've gone back through the second post top to bottom, but are you still looking for input on that bit of text? Or is specifically what you've just written in your brain dump the working content you'd prefer discussed?

[Donkey Kong]

The brain dump is the second post in bigger sentences. The second post is probably better though. Thanks Draakur!

[Draakur]

Ok:

Firstly, the effort and development you've put in here really does show. I cbf'd to check, how long have you been at it with these guys? 5+ years on and off, yes? Whatever it is, it shows, anyway. So bravo. I wouldn't keep coming back here to help with these guys if I didn't enjoy and respect what you were doing with them. Despite not having the discipline you show to stick to a single idea over time, I have the same lofty goals you do: to create something as iconic, powerful and inspiring as Molotov did with the Castigators. I applaud the commitment you've made.

Anyway, onwards. I'm going to comment here in the context that we seem to be bringing up a lot in the Liber, lately: that context being "creating a quality IA/IT". You can create the coolest world, characters, events, etc etc... none of it matters if it doesn't coalesce into what makes for a readable article that keeps people engrossed and enjoying learning more.

If that's not the context you were intending (I'm fairly sure it is, but just in case), then probably best to just not waste your time reading onwards, and reply and tell me I've got it wrong and explain how you want me to comment.

So.

1. Your Origins and Combat Doctrine are all strong and clear in their intentions, and I think this is all fine and to be left alone. You're detailed enough to give a picture, yet not so thorough as to be boring and redundant. This content is successfully communicated.

2. Your Homeworld section, once you actually type the full IA, will need more info on how populace does battle in ships, raiding each others ships, often for each others ships (and plunder). The lack of emphasis on this may have been why Nightrawen came to the conclusion that "there's no actual reason for them to be raiders/pirates", this could easily be explained by them being picked for this remarkable talent and then it proving to be very useful in the coming times.

Your recent uncertainty on why the planet's populace would even be considered worthy/draw the attention of Astartes would be answered here too - it was marked as an Astartes recruitment world upon noting the peoples' long-crafted and exceptional skill in this style of warfare. Yes, it's simple, and almost "easy", but I think it works just fine.

3. Your Chapter Cult and Chapter Geneseed sections are brief, and justly so. You have nothing of note here that needs to be mentioned, and adding anything, I get the feeling, would be purely an attempt to add flair where it's not needed. IMO leave these; again, this content is successfully communicated.

4. The Chapter Organisation section, I freely admit, I can't comment on properly... I've forgotten and don't want to go back and read about what you decided with the secret taskforce Patugerwing hit and run chaps. Did you get this ironed out or is it not yet finalised? Does there need to be more here?

5. on the wall: Some of this can be siphoned off into other sections, I feel. All feels relevant in various areas, especially the preferred enemies information which should go to Combat Doctrine I'd say.

6. Misc Homeworld: I'd be careful here, pretty much all of it is detail that helps add character, but when it comes to writing the IA itself, I think you'll have to scrap 1/2 to 2/3 of this, if you want any of us to get home before dinner. Potential to get incredibly long-winded and just lose people here; I say this only because this is one of my own biggest problems and I can see the mind that works like mine from a mile away.

Up to you to decide what to keep, what to shorten, what to scrap altogether, and what to try for a side-bar with. I'd say it's clear what to do with all the names.

7. The conspiracy... I'm a little at a loss here. I like it, I really do. I wouldn't at all consider scrapping it, and I doubt you'd want to anyway, but I don't know where it fits in your IA. I think I'd need to see the format and language/perspective style you'd put it in, to be able to decide if it's serving your article overall or detracting from it. Very much hope this works though in the end, I do like it.

8. All the rest: All well and good, and has its place. Your Chapter has plenty of character and depth I find, and so it seems in no way odd to me that you've not attempted to further that by painting it all in the picture of a character, to get the message across. I personally support this approach - I feel like, if you do decide to make any characters in sidebars, you should be careful about it, so as not to spoil what you've created by diluting it or splitting the theme off into another sub-theme or something.

9. Every time I look through this I mean to ask, and then forget: Do you have any other information on the Chimaeras? I can't recall them. Will they feature at all in IA: Astral Reavers?

10. Will Twilight Sparkle et al (under normal names... or not) actually ever feature in a proper work of fiction of yours? Or was this always just there to check if people were paying attention?

Phew. I need a drink.

[Donkey Kong]

Thank you again, Draakur. This is the response format for the context I had in mind so perfect there.

 

I cbf'd to check, how long have you been at it with these guys? 5+ years on and off, yes?

 

 

Longer if we're counting very old versions of the Chapter. I think they were called the Kraken Brothers way back when. Ha, I don't mind admitting that I haven't had the discipline to run with the same ideas from before, but considering my 14 year old self also thought it would be really cool if Thussaud got caught in a warp storm with a suit of power armor of special significance and him and his company became Davy Jones and the crew of the Flying Dutchman from Pirates of the Caribbean 2, I don't blame myself for that either. I don't think it's bad to abandon bad ideas.

 

1. At this point it's a balancing act to figure out what's extraneous and what's missing. I think the Ecclesiarchy stuff might be too extraneous. Meanwhile I'm also struggling to set up the scenario in my mind where the local Forge Worlds petition the High Lords of Terra for a Space Marine Chapter and the Chapter's first response is to arrive and start attacking Ork fleets.

I have a nice little void to fill concerning the Chapter's first Chapter Master, so a particularly level headed and strategically minded Red Talon may play in well here.

 

2. Your Homeworld section, once you actually type the full IA, will need more info on how populace does battle in ships, raiding each others ships, often for each others ships (and plunder). The lack of emphasis on this may have been why Nightrawen came to the conclusion that "there's no actual reason for them to be raiders/pirates", this could easily be explained by them being picked for this remarkable talent and then it proving to be very useful in the coming times.

 

Your recent uncertainty on why the planet's populace would even be considered worthy/draw the attention of Astartes would be answered here too - it was marked as an Astartes recruitment world upon noting the peoples' long-crafted and exceptional skill in this style of warfare. Yes, it's simple, and almost "easy", but I think it works just fine. 

 

 

I like this idea a lot more now, it's just a matter of figuring out how much the different Houses can fight one another while still being ultimately loyal to the Chapter and Cult Mechanicus. I liked Dizzyeye's suggestion to have the houses groom their children for the Chapter, and there's no reason why these can't be combined. It might be an interesting spin on the Necromunda Spyrers to have their children go out to raid and capture territory or ships for the House and prove that they can rule.

 

4. The Chapter Organisation section, I freely admit, I can't comment on properly... I've forgotten and don't want to go back and read about what you decided with the secret taskforce Patugerwing hit and run chaps. Did you get this ironed out or is it not yet finalised? Does there need to be more here? 

 

 

They haven't been before but I'm thinking of running with NightrawnII's suggestion for them to be the more stereotypical radical Iron Hands/Red Talons rip and tear marines who like getting into combat. An aside, my idea was for the Moirae Schism to have some number of factors, Ork Freebooterz and/or a desperate Moirae heretek to get ships to the Ork Klans and jump start a Waaagh. The Second and Eighth get the task of fighting the Orks while the rest of the Chapter fights the Hereteks. Then when the conflict is wrapping up, the especially angry Second and Eighth get the opportunity to chase down the fleeing Hereteks and catch up on all the Hertek fighting they had to miss out on because someone decided to ruin the Chapter's MO by getting the orks ships.

 

5&6 S*** on the wall is working as intended then. Same for homeworld. The idea for that was to have a place to store extraneous information that I thought could be worthwhile, whether to round out the IA or for short stories down the line.

 

7. The conspiracy... I'm a little at a loss here. I like it, I really do. I wouldn't at all consider scrapping it, and I doubt you'd want to anyway, but I don't know where it fits in your IA. I think I'd need to see the format and language/perspective style you'd put it in, to be able to decide if it's serving your article overall or detracting from it. Very much hope this works though in the end, I do like it.  

 

 

It's first and foremost a short story. Maybe some tidbits will slip into the IA like how Patuger was rediscovered by martian explorators led by Magos ________ in ___.M34 and how Endiger's construction was overseen by by the Patugain Cult Mechanicus.

 

8. All the rest: All well and good, and has its place. Your Chapter has plenty of character and depth I find, and so it seems in no way odd to me that you've not attempted to further that by painting it all in the picture of a character, to get the message across. I personally support this approach - I feel like, if you do decide to make any characters in sidebars, you should be careful about it, so as not to spoil what you've created by diluting it or splitting the theme off into another sub-theme or something.

 

 

This idea of the quintessential Astral Reaver had't occurred to me, so no worries there, and the Characters I do have I always wanted to have depth. Right now it's Leigh-Jean Proulx, Gauthier Thussaud, and Roche Filoux. Proulx was made for BrotherSP's Deathwatch Challenge a while ago which was supposed to be a short story series and he's stuck with me since as this dirty boxer character. Thussaud is probably the oldest character but I'm still struggling to pin his Character. I always wanted him to be an Obi-Wan-ish mentor and now that I think about it, having the Second be malcontents makes this role even more perfect for him. He's a wise leader who oversees a dangerous task and occasionally likes getting in with the rest of them. Filoux was tied at the hip to Thussaud as the Chapter's golden boy, but I don't really know what else to do with him.

 

9. Every time I look through this I mean to ask, and then forget: Do you have any other information on the Chimaeras? I can't recall them. Will they feature at all in IA: Astral Reavers?

 

 

 

They're the "next project," for when I'm sufficiently happy with the Astral Reavers. They won't be factoring into the IA, no. They're down there more as a self reminder than anything else. I have more in mind about them aesthetically than anything else, mostly because the idea of marines with furs and collar scarves that look like manes, goat/ram, lion, and snake heraldry struck a chord in me and I haven't been able to shake them.

I put a lot more thought into what their heraldry would look like than I should have so it's the Space Wolves Badge of Morkai with a Lion head facing left (forwards), a Ram head facing right (backwards) and a blood drop in the center.

The rough draft right now is that they're another Cursed Founding experiment to cure the Blood Angels of the red thirst/black rage (because what scientist only tries one thing?) predicated on the idea that the curses are psychically linked and the Chapter's curse is something to do with their psychic ability (either they're soul crippled or soulless and lean towards blanks, or they've got more psychic talent).

 

10. Will Twilight Sparkle et al (under normal names... or not) actually ever feature in a proper work of fiction of yours? Or was this always just there to check if people were paying attention?

 

 

Nothing that isn't intended to be comedy in the same vein as the Angry Marines or Text to Speech, no. Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle (TS) is a massive, not at all veiled My Little Pony reference, the crux of the joke being that the God Queen of My Little Pony world is the main character TSs teacher, and TS is her favorite student. Crossed over into 40k land, and TS is the Emperor's favorite student, an all powerful psyker with some childish tendencies given an ordo of her own called the Ordo Amicities or Ordo of Friendship and a retinue including, amongst others, a daemon possessed and a living saint who get on like a house on fire, and a personal guard appointed from one of the Emperor's own 300 Custodian companions.

It's entirely silly. It's not intended to make sense or fit into the universe in any way. And it's still there to see if people are paying attention.

 

EDIT And I forgot the obvious, I now have some work to do!