[IRON GAUNTLET 2017] +Index Astartes: Elysian Phoenixes+

[Lysimachus]

Nice work, as others have said your painting is lovely and the freehand in particular is excellent!

 

A few thoughts/issues:

 

Homeworld: Firstly, I wouldn't put your guys in the same system as the IG Elysians. Considering that there are a million Imperial worlds, it's not impossible that two (perhaps on opposite sides of the Imperium?) might have the same name. I think that's a better solution than trying to shoehorn the IG Regiment into the same system.

 

The idea of having a Tzeentch cult that has somehow lasted 9,000 years feels a little bit unlikely, especially on a Chapter Homeworld. How is it passed down? How do they avoid the notice of the Astartes?

 

However, I'm assuming it's a planet with a high proportion of psychically gifted people, given the numbers of and attitude towards Librarians? Perhaps rather than a specific, ongoing Cult, it could more simply be that they have more issues with rogue psykers in each generation than average? Maybe the Chapter Librarium is responsible for hunting them down?

 

Speaking of which...

 

Org: I'm going to agree with everyone else about using Librarians as Sgts. There are better ways of explaining this. You could just say that each Company has its own Librarius Conclave (which even in game terms is up to 5 Librarians) and then say that they often are split up to advise (i.e. lead) key squads (i.e. Tacs). It's basically the same result but it gets more acceptance as its not technically breaking the rules!

 

Chapter appearance: you say in this bit that they follow the RG method of marking Tac/Ass/Dev units by trim colour, but none of your SMP images or painted minis (as far as I can see?) show that? Given that you also have the gold and white extra details, I'd be inclined to cut out the trim colours entirely and just use the symbol designations to avoid having too many colours on each Marine, it can look very messy?

[Olis]

Side note: I need to figure out how to code in the pictures into boxes with captions.

Firstly, add a picture to your post normally using the image button and then select it (it should, by default, turn blue when selected), then click the Special BBCode button and select either captionleft or captionright depending on which side of the screen you want the image. [Do bear in mind that if you place the relevant BBCode at the very start of a paragraph/section of writing, then it will appear next to the writing. Just make sure you have enough writing to go all the way down the image or it may screw with the formatting of your article.] Whatever you want placed in the red box under the image should be written between the two apostrophes when looking at the BBCode as it is before being posted.

For example:

[captionleft='Brother Bombellus of the Anthophila Astra space marines'][img=http://image.bolterandchainsword.com/uploads/1328563908/gallery_60566_6038_3767.jpg][/captionleft]

Translates to this:

Brother Bombellus of the Anthophila Astra space marines

Edit - And also make sure there's writing or spacing beneath it if it's going at the bottom of some text. Otherwise the image will overlay on top of your signature...

You may find that you'll need to tinker with the article in the Full Editor mode to get the BBCode to behave.

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

A quick reply, I may hop in later for fuller analysis.

 

I agree with LySyMachus that the chaos cult needs to be something else. They don't just survive ft 9000 years unless the Astartes are really and I mean really stupid. Maybe it's some people who have found relics of it and are experimenting/prodded by a real cultist/CSM?

 

Also, you have discrepancies between whether they were 2nd or 3rd founding. May want to look into that. ;)

 

It's interesting how you have an old 101st captain in command of the new chapter. Sort of a coming-full-circle thing. Be aware that the legion would be a single chapter+successors, so if you decide on 3rd founding maybe have him be a captain of the 1-3rd/10th company of the RG or a second founding chapter to reflect his experience and thus likelihood of being chosen for chapter master.

[Lephisto]

@LySiMachus: When I first wrote this IA, I had no idea about Elysia being an actual planet in 40k already. I've chosen a different name for the planet: Nepihah. Surely this name isn't taken :P

 

I have changed the idea of having a librarian as a sgt. , I like the idea of the Chapter having a Librarius Conclave attached to its battle companies.

 

Yes, I agree. I wasn't too sure if Chaos or rebellion could last that long. So I've changed it like you have suggested. I'm thinking of writing how the rogue psykers have built underground networks underneath the planet's surface, and perhaps that is how they remain undetected by the Astartes. I also am thinking of maybe just a selection of the rogue psykers turn to the worship of Chaos. But not all. Just a minority.

 

@Olis: Thanks for that! That really helped.

 

@Captain Lenoch: I didn't write in that Titus Zi-Xu was a Captain the Raven Guard chapter for a reason. I'm scared that GW will come with a history and possibly name those captains thus invalidating the background I've written here. Perhaps I could write in , the reason why Titus was chosen because the people had high respects for him, therefore the High Lords thought that it would be good to use him to be a Chapter Master so he could easily recruit the inhabitants, which the High Lords themselves wanted to take advantage of the high proportion of psykers to combat Chaos?

 

Thank you everyone for feedback thus far, I really appreciate it. I will be adding in more notable campaigns and more notable Elysian Phoenixes to flesh out thier history and character.

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

Hey no problem, man, we're all in this together. (Hmmm. Off-topic, this Iron Guantlet group needs a battle-cry.)

 

I understand your fear about him being a captain. It's completely reasonable. Your reason for why he was chosen for chapter master makes sense as well. However, where was he before that? The chapter honor guard? Part of a captain's retinue, part of the scout company as a trainer, or elsewhere? Did he get lost in the warp for a while and then emerge afterwards (probably the most outlandish.)

 

Also, You have Titus as Zi-Xu in the latter half and Eracio in the first. Did he change his name or did that just slip through an edit?

[bloodhound23]

Hey Lephisto-

I really like what you've got going on here.

When it comes to your constant threat of rogue psykers on Elysia, I wonder if you might just have them be a sort of constant presence, never fully eradicated but constantly under surveillance and investigation. If so, one might not be surprised to expect/see a very long time period (perhaps not 9000+ years, but still) and that part of the Elysian Phoenixes business on Elysia is to both monitor to activity of its native psykers as well as channel it into effective aspirants.

 

Just a thought. Other than that, I get a strong feel from your chapter and I think you have a really interesting project.

 

I look forward to more.

[Draakur]

Ok, some thoughts:

 

- I don't find the name really rolls off the tongue, to be honest. It actually feels fairly clunky to me, and the correct plural of Phoenix is sort of a choppy subject, but this is always subjective and ultimately up to you

 

- the language style in the first Chapter Master's quote at the top is conflicting and changes a few times in a very short amount of text. Might be worth cleaning up?

 

- you've done a solid job of outlining the Chapter's broad character. Suitably simple and straightforward for an IA at this stage

 

- the Chaos cult on the planet idea did need to change, yes - glad you decided to go that way

 

- I dig your scheme, it's unusual in some obvious ways but I still seem to like it. Are their backpacks typically coloured yellow or beige? The SMP pics make it look gold/yellow but your models have them beige by the looks (hard to tell on phone)?

 

- the "more psykers on the planet just because" idea could use work, I feel. While it's certainly possible, as surely some planets will naturally produce more, and some outliers will produce significantly more, it just sits as far too convenient as it is in my opinion. Trying to round this out and add more 'texture' to the idea by going the Cult route makes sense, but still fell short here I feel. Not sure how to go about it, but this aspect of them feels incomplete to me

 

- that said, I like the idea that part of your Chapter's responsibilities is quelling the proportionally higher unstable psyker elements that are bound to pop up and cause trouble on your planet

 

Apologies for the brevity and directness, phone posting sucks and I'm short on time.

[Lephisto]

I just want to say a big: Thank You! to all those that have provided any sort of feedback. It has given me plenty of things to rethink and re-write to suit the chapter and add more Character. Please don't feel you are offending me with directness, I like the straightforwardness. I am currently working on the bits that need to be fixed and hopefully I will post when I've updated the IA substantially. 

 

I've figured out what strike-force I want to represent my force, here is the army list I am fully satisfied with. This is probably not a good list but represents what my Chapter is about. This is roughly 2.5k points.

 

Chapter Tactics: Raven Guard

HQ

Captain w/ Jump Pack & Lightning Claws

 

Elites

Dreadnought w/Twin-Linked Autocannon

 

Terminator Assault Squad w/ Land Raider

4x LC, 1x TH/SS 

 

Vanguard Veteran Squad w/ Jump Packs

5x PW (Sword), 5x PW (Axe)
 

Troops
Scout Squad w/ Camo Cloaks

4x Sniper Rifles, 1x Missile Launcher

Scout Squad w/ Boltguns

2 x Tactical Squad w/ Rhino

1x Lascannon, 1x Plasma Gun
 

Fast Attack
2x Assault Squad w/ Jump Packs
2x Flamers

 

Stormtalon Gunship Wing

2x Stormtalon Gunships w/ Skyhammer Missile Launcher

 

Heavy Support

Centurion Devastator Squad w/ Grav Cannon & Amp

 

Stormraven Gunship

[NovemberIX]

I'm generally liking what I've read, it's self consistent and fairly enjoyable. I think everyone else has touched on any weak points. But, there is one bit that is..... a bit unfortunate.

 

 

 ... There were few splintered ethnic groups who saw these soldiers as nothing more than threats to their own existence and took into their hearts to resist against their rule. 

 

Soon rebellions started to arise in small pockets of the populace. This lead to the outbreak of civil war. Many innocent civilians were harmed by these radical terror groups. The government of Elysia V pleaded for help from the Astartes. The 101st company under the command of Praetor Titus Eracio swiftly ended the civil war in a matter of days. His tactical prowess of using Jump pack assaults gave him the advantage in the war. Soon after, all rebels were put to death and all those that were sympathetic to their cause. Peace was now all over the land once again. The swift victory of the Praetor gained the respect of all the inhabitants of the planet. 

 

Excluding the ethnic cleansing implications, is it terrorism or is it a civil war? Because one of them could be solved by loping off the heads of the OpFor's leaders and breaking their armies morale, the other is an infestation that you can't cure by "killing the rebels and those sympathetic to their cause", because that just breeds more terrorists in non-obviously sympathetic citizens. Also, why specifically is the resistance along ethnic lines?  There is one last nit to pick regarding this portion. It's the issue of scale, a planet is a big thing, and to have a planet wide civil war would probably take more than just a few days and a couple of marines to resolve, and it's very likely there's gonna be a lot of places touched by war, and a whole bunch of recriminations. Realistically, it'd be a civil war followed by terrorism and insurgency, and cleaning that up would not be a quick operation (even with an ethnic holocaust).

 

But like I said, I generally like what's been written and look forward to more!

[Legionare]

Color scheme that you've chosen is something i haven't seen yet in 40k. Blue and yellow/gold is something new, and i like that.

 

It is nice to see that the homeworld of the Elysian Phoenexes is a world conquered by the Raven Guard, whose lineage the phoenexes are. That is something that i've been tossing around in my head, its nice to see that someone else has had to same idea (the chapters homeworld being conquered by their parent legion)

 

Keep up your good work!

[Brother Emund]

[table=INDEX ASTARTES: ELYSIAN PHOENIXES]

[tr][td=30%]

Listen, I know you have put soooo much into this and it is really great, outstanding actually!

However, and I think someone has already commented on this, I just keep thinking of the the Imperial Guard Regiment 'The Elysian Drop Troops'. Could your guys be recruited from the same planet? Also, if they are from Raven Guard, why the Ultra-blue?

 

Just being picky. You can tell me to take a hike!

[Lephisto]

Color scheme that you've chosen is something i haven't seen yet in 40k. Blue and yellow/gold is something new, and i like that.

 

It is nice to see that the homeworld of the Elysian Phoenexes is a world conquered by the Raven Guard, whose lineage the phoenexes are. That is something that i've been tossing around in my head, its nice to see that someone else has had to same idea (the chapters homeworld being conquered by their parent legion)

 

Keep up your good work!

 

Thank you so much!

 

 

[table=INDEX ASTARTES: ELYSIAN PHOENIXES]

[tr][td=30%]

Listen, I know you have put soooo much into this and it is really great, outstanding actually!

However, and I think someone has already commented on this, I just keep thinking of the the Imperial Guard Regiment 'The Elysian Drop Troops'. Could your guys be recruited from the same planet? Also, if they are from Raven Guard, why the Ultra-blue?

 

Just being picky. You can tell me to take a hike!

 

 

Thank you for your comments. I know that Elysian is technically already taken, I'm gonna stick to Elysian for the name as it is derived from celestial which brings Angels to mind. That's why I will keep it for fluff reasons. Different Planet though, they come from Nephihah. Yes they are Raven Guard successors, I chose blue because 1. It's my favorite color and also 2. I've never seen a blue Raven Guard Successor.

 

 

I just want to take the time to thank everyone that has commented thus far on this IA, your feedback is invaluable and has greatly improved this IA. It has been a good motivation to complete and completely re-write the fluff behind my chapter. I hope everyone will participate in the Challenge the Second of the Iron Gauntlet. Nothing is better than seeing the models whose fluff has been written up for. Hopefully you will be seeing more here for the other challenges, as I will post battle reports and stories etc. here.