[The Iron Guantlet] Dawn Blades

[NovemberIX]

There's a lot of history there to go through, and a fair bit of it works pretty ok, but I'm really not sure about using then keeping an Eldar war walker. I don't think it's feasible in universe given the differences in technology, also it's pretty heretical. In my opinion their relations with xenos is also problematic, for a space marine fighting force, they're incredibly reasonable.

 

Going back to the Xenia traditions, 18 marines and 1 librarian is a stout force to be sure, but a chaos infestation of any kind could reasonably overpower them with little effort, it's chaos after all :P and unless they're trained differently, I'd imagine most marines are shoot first, don't even ask questions later.

 

One question I do have, why a shogun? That's seemingly coming out of nowhere, and doesn't really get any thematic support from the rest of the chapter, is this something that'll be clearer in an IA?

 

Also, I recognize the race supremacist entertainment personality you're referring to, and as that's politics I'm not gonna touch it with a tenfoot pole.

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

There's a lot of history there to go through, and a fair bit of it works pretty ok, but I'm really not sure about using then keeping an Eldar war walker. I don't think it's feasible in universe given the differences in technology, also it's pretty heretical. In my opinion their relations with xenos is also problematic, for a space marine fighting force, they're incredibly reasonable.

Well, with Zephinac, they didn't really have a choice. He wanted to either fight and get revenge or die, and the Dawn Blades didn't want to lose one of their best warriors. Afterwards, since he was in the shell of a war walker he killed back when he wasn't in an angry combat wheelchair, he sort of felt like it was his​. He's kept sedated and sort of used like Bjorn (not that the Dawn Blades really know who that is). Some of the chapter ​are uncomfortable with the idea, but those who are (which includes the Shogun and the command cadre) manage to keep them under control. (Also, for the IRL reason, I was given an Eldar War walker by someone who frequented the store. I thought it would be kinda rude to get rid of it/sell it/trade it for something, and I had no interest in starting an Eldar army, so I improvised. He-and this bit of lore-are not going anywhere.)

Could you elaborate on the second bit? (xenos relations and on)

Going back to the Xenia traditions, 18 marines and 1 librarian is a stout force to be sure, but a chaos infestation of any kind could reasonably overpower them with little effort, it's chaos after all and unless they're trained differently, I'd imagine most marines are shoot first, don't even ask questions later.

yeah, I axed that. Didn't make sense and too many holes in it.

One question I do have, why a shogun? That's seemingly coming out of nowhere, and doesn't really get any thematic support from the rest of the chapter, is this something that'll be clearer in an IA?

Sorry. It's in respect to Tobias Shogune, the first CM (in universe, anyway). OOU, it's a holdover from waaaaaay back when (like three-four years ago), when they were a Japanese cliché chapter. I've grown to attached to Shogun Kujo Kamakura and my veterans'/captains' paint scheme to change them, so I doubt much of that specifically will change (I'm also too lazy to go back and retcon yet more​ of my articles and fiction after two name changes [i'm still catching their original name after three years]). That tends to happen for me. It's mentioned somewhere in the history section, closer to the beginning.

As for the last bit, I hadn't realized that and will change the reporter's name to Twinna Lynnked (shortened to TL). Much more 40k appropriate, wouldn't you say?

EDIT: Also, you may go back and take a look at the tradition mentioned in the OP. It was done before the others, hence the last two posted separately.

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

Relics of the Dawn Blades:

 

Exclusive to the Shogun:

 

The Sunfire Katana (name subject to change around that theme): This sword was forged by the first Dawn Blade Master of the Forge, crafted in the depths of the battle barque's plasma core. It is said that the sword radiates the power and heat that played a hand in its creation, and those struck with it quickly suffer severe radiation damage and third-degree burns. Also of note are the twin nozzles of flamers that jet flame along the blade, allowing the Shogun to unleash a gout of flame upon his foes.

 

Only the Shogun is permitted to carry this weapon into battle, though it is not without risk. The power within it is such that even the wielder can suffer its harmful effects, so great care is exercised with the weapon. The Sunfire Katana is used to mark each captain's rise to the captaincy by lightly touching each shoulder with the blade and rushing the marine off to the Apothecarion to remove any progenoid glands still in the captain quickly, lest they be damaged beyond what they already are.

 

The Blood Helm: Despite the name, this is actually a well-crafted suit of artificer armor, complete with a finely crafted jump pack, that the Black Guard chapter gifted to the Dawn Blades after the latter recovered a gene-seed transport belonging to the former. The name comes from the blood spilled of sacrificed brothers in defense of others; the helm was repainted to commemorate their sacrifices.

 

The machine spirit is particularly active in this suit, and is capable of wrenching the wearer out of the way of incoming blows, allowing an extra split-second's reaction time for the Shogun to bring his weapons about to dispatch the threat. The spirit can extend a fraction of this this to other marines within a small area, calling upon the armors' spirits to dodge incoming projectiles. The spirit also has a great zeal and lust for melee, and will exhort every last bit of energy from the suit and those around it to it close rapidly with the enemy by jump pack.

 

Armory Relics:

 

Aeonic Light and Aeonic Night: These brother tanks are a set of Command Tanks the chapter was able to procure during the millennia of the chapter's disagreement with the Mechanicus. Rather than the standard scheme of simple silver for vehicles, Aeonic Light and Aeonic Night are painted a brilliant gold and bronze and midnight blue respectively. Aeonic Light is a Land Raider Excelcior, and Aeonic Night is a Rhino Primaris outfitted with a lascannon underneath the comm dish to add its own heavy firepower to the battle.

 

The Singing Traid: the trio of Thunderfire cannon, subsequently named Rolling Thunder, Glow of Redemption, and My Brother's Anvil, gifted to the chapter alongside the Blood Helm in thanks for the rescuing a gene-seed transport. These three cannons have been reported on numerous occasions to drum and sing their own war-hymns, through their fire-patterns and their binaric communication. It has been noted their combat efficiency drops approximately twenty percent per absent cannon, meaning that an individual cannon can only operate at 60 percent peak combat potential, providing a large incentive to keep them together.

 

The Shadowglass Twins: These are a pair of blacker-than-black glass panes that are artistic curiosities for the chapter, though studied to see if their shadowdances can be replicated on fabric for camo cloaks. So far, the techmarines have been unsuccessful.

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

Collated everything into OP, added paint schemes for both a line brother and a member of the chapter Honor Guard.

[Doctor Perils]

Hi, I'm back to give you a longer commentary

First of all, you really need to look at the BBCode guide to do some nicer formatting (headers/titles are a minimum, and some stuff like dialogues could do with being in spoiler tags or more specialised sidebars) as things stand, the text is more difficult and annoying to read, so many might just gloss over the whole article.

Now for some of the more interesting stuff:

1. It is always interesting to start off with a short in-universe introduction, which allows the reader to be eased into the basic idea of the chapter, without being pushed into the deep end. Along with that, a summary of important information (parent chapter, founding, known tactics, etc.) is not only useful and easy to do, it is nearly unavoidable
2. As some members suggested (NightrawenII to name-drop shamelessly), it would be nice to add an "author's foreword" explaining what you want to do with this DIY from an out of universe perspective (in which you can discuss real world inspiration like feudal japan) - it is also a good idea to include a "theme keyword" which can be a short sentence describing the theme of the chapter (ie, "Space viking werewolves" would be the space wolves' keyword)
3. DO include the chapter's main colour scheme at the top, along with a rendition of their badge (if possible), DON'T include any variations on the colour scheme just yet - this has it's place in the section on heraldry and chapter appearance
4. It sounds like the normal numeral convention of chapters is simply a number (likely in three digits) rather then anything including the foundation number (see chapter 666 "Grey Knights" or chapter 888 "Mentors")
5. Give the date of their founding (doesn't need to be precise) so that the reader can know what events are happening in the galaxy, without having to look up the date himself
6. "Chapter Barque" rather then "Battle Barque" - though Chapter Barques can be used in battle to great effect, I get the impression that that is not their primary purpose (it's really providing the chapter a fortress in space, first and foremost - as such, it is extremely valuable and would only be sent into combat in the most dire of circumstances, eg when the Rock was recently sent to Fenris) THIS IS SPECULATION, NOT ACTUAL CANON: DO AS YOU WANT
7. The Chapter Barque would have ample room for the training of Neophytes, a stand alone battle station/forge ship would be far more interesting performing its primary purpose.
8. Why would there not have been a 10th company before a certain date?
9. "no choice" is no reason - if the Imperial Navy of their home sector is insufficiently supplied, the Chapter's ships would instead have been given to the navy rather then a fledgling chapter, you'll probably want to find a more compelling reason (even if it means they recaptured some) - first and foremost, ask yourself why you want the chapter to have more ships: if it's simply a reason for them to be special, you might want to focus on something else in priority
10. What leads to the Chapter's falling out with the Mechanicus?
11. Be careful of how you describe Zephinac's interement: there's no reason that xenos vehicles should have the same piloting conventions as Imperial vehicles, and Eldar weaponry is far from unreliable. I know that this is one of the things you mentioned as being unwilling to change, but I would nonetheless urge you to think back on why do you want to do it like this? Did you make a conversion for him? If so, awesomesauce! post up a picture if it is suitably imperial looking; if not, you might want to leave it simpler in the fluff
12. It's nice to see a lesser known chapter being name-dropped rather then the usual dozen :)
13. I'm unsure quite how trusting a space marine chapter would be, but allowing Thousand Sons and Alpha Legionnaires past seems a bit of a stretch - also, to preserve the grimdark, it would seem suitable that the Dawn Blades utterly destroy the force before discovering they may have been loyal after all
14. Allowing a non-eldar to see the Harlequin's play seems utterly against their nature - at a stretch, perhaps that single individual could be given that inestimable honour, and if so would deserve a name.

WRT the general theme of the chapter: seing the term "Shogun" indicates that you probably want these guys to be Japanese-inspired? If so, have you got anything to make them stand out from other DIY Japanese/Samurai chapters? For instance, the "Guardian Lions" I created (and wrote about two lines of, where I explained their demise :evil:) were Japanese, but were themed more about the tectonic and seismic activity of the archipelago, rather then the classical "feudal japan" - when you are using a theme as popular as "japan", you need to have something different as well :)

[Kelborn]

Never heart of a chapter barge? Any further canon infos or is it a selfmade thing? :)

[Doctor Perils]

Never heart of a chapter barge? Any further canon infos or is it a selfmade thing?

Joschlumpf: Thank you. I shall never trust lexicanum or a wikia.com w/o checking with my brothers here on the BnC. I'll edit that (and everything related to it) straightaway!

I'll be coming back to make a full commentary on the article, but I've just had a look at both the Wikia and Lexicanum: neither states when the 18th founding was, but both state the 8th founding was during M34 (mid-M34 to be precise) - it's ok, both are trustworthy enough in general: Wikia often has more info then Lexicanum, but Lexicanum has better source verification.

There is little info on chapter Barques, but here are some links in the wikia: http://warhammer40k.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Search?query=barque

Essentially, they're warships that are bigger then Battle Barges on the whole.

"Chapter Barge" is something you just made up ;) "Battle Barque" is also invented. "Chapter Barque" and "Battle Barge" are both canon (it seems), with "Chapter Barque" being larger then the average Battle Barge

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

Thom: my laptop is almost dead so I will edit a full reply in later, and address only really salient points now.

FORMATTING: I recognize this is horrible format. It will stay that way for a good couple of weeks, and will change around early June.Sorry.

1+2. An in-universe forward would be a good idea...will think about that. I also have something of an OoU forward that is more list-formatted than anything else, and may make that sentences later.

3. I can't draw worth a so the badge will have to wait. I see your point about color schemes and will edit that later.

4. My worry with numbering is I don't want to assign my guys a number and then have GW give a canon chapter that number. This is one I can definitively say is mine, but I may put a tentative one down...how does 785 work? Any chapter with that number?

5. I see. The DIY Timeline says the 18th founding was about 700M35. Will edit that in along with an author's foreword at some point.

6. I've heard it used both ways. Battle Barque, Chapter Barque, NEVER MIND THEN. After some checking, it is indeed a chapter barque. I will change that.

7. The Chapter Barque has the bulk of the chapter's firepower, and isn't usually in orbit around Ocrod Primaris. The training station is a better choice for being always in orbit over Ocrod Primaris because A). it provides a visible reminder to the people of Ocrod Primaris that the Dawn Blades are there watching, and B). the station is a nice focal hub where the scouts can train and deploy down below to Ocrod Primaris for training missions and anti-ork deployments. Keeps the neophytes busy and the ork tribes wandering the wastes not a threat. The forge station may actually start going with the fleet, or at least the chapter barque.

8. Because it doesn't make sense (to me anyway) to purposefully limit your full line battle-brothers to 900 at the induction of the chapter when you can have an additional tactical reserve company and simply have the line companies recruit replacements and then pool them together to make the 10th company proper and redistribute the 10th company reserve to other companies when they meet together again.

9. Some of that is leftover from when I cut my fleet down. I should probably edit that to make more sense. With the Katana cruisers they may in fact be battlefield salvage...after all, they were a last-ditch effort...makes sense they would be scrap floating in the void.

10. See formatting, you glossed right over this. I see your point.

11. Converted model, still in the process but painted to a fieldable standard. I may post him later, I may not.

12. Thanks. I deliberately did that because raven guard seemed too big.

13. Psychic probes. Lots and lots of psychic probes. Also, they only raised weapons in defense, which put the under the Xenia clause. They were honor bound to keep them as guests.

14. 1d4chan may have colored this view a bit...I will need to think on this.

Central Theme: Shogun is a holdover from their first incarnation when they were a cliche. Bits and pieces will lay about, that's what'll be a distinguishing factor. Chapter and company banners have Japanese style battle-flags though. They've been painted like that and will be an artistic representation of that inspiration. (Also, an old friend of my dad's is Japanese so he piqued my interest in Japan a while back. The Japanese bits are sort of in respect to him.

[Legionare]

A quick question: in 951M41 the sector is visited by inquizitors from all ordos, but the chapter is deemed clean. Then you proceed to say that three planets are deemed unclean and that Grey Knights overseed the purification of those worlds. Did the Dawn Blades participate in this? Shouldn't their minds be wiped then about the incident so that they wouldn't even know about the Grey Knights' existance?

 

Sorry that i've asked about such a small detail, but it's the only thing that caught my eye as somewhat weird. Anyway keep up the good work!

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

Yes, three planets out of over a hundred. By that point the Dawn Blades had been told there was nothing to be done and that it would be taken care of, so they left. Besides, it's 30 years after the campaign is done, and the Dawn Blades merely hold watch, not lordship, over the Ocrod sector. The 'overseeing' by the Grey Knights happened on a single Inquisitor's ship three subsectors away from Ocrod Primaris, the capital, in a fringe system. So, they knew the purge was happening qnd only that the Inquisition was handling it. They didn't like it but dealt with it.

And no worries, small details can be the most important. (Not that they are in this case, but yeah.) I can think of something else you should be inquiring about.

[Brother Argent]

So firstly congrats on writing such a large article that is pretty coherent. Its a challenge i know all too well and, as my white talons show, on ff i often fail at. I think you have a really promising start. I would like to mention i haven't fully read through all that comments others have posted so i am sorry if i repeat something already mentioned.

 

Its good to see a chapter stewarding a region of space and not ruling. Particularly as they didn't habe a homeworld to begin with. Too many destroyed homeworld for my taste of recent. Whilst a chapter in this type would have a larger them normal fleet i imagine it would be more smaller ships and less larger ones. But that is just a personal opinion.

 

I feel that your article could do with a good bit of revision. Things like exactly how many marines were deployed and how many lost is a needless detail that takes away more then it adds. It would be like telling us what they ate for breakfast.

 

You definitely need to look up the coding guide to side bar some of those extra bits like the interview as they can jar a reader from the meat of your article. Besides that it will make the whole thing look much neater.

 

Also i would strongly suggest dropping the whole Eldar dread thing. It just simply wouldn't work nor would any self respecting marine allow himself to get out in xeno tech.

 

Finally i see the reference to shogun but next to no other theming, subtle or otherwise that ties to this reference. I would to love to see a little bit of subtle theming throughout the rest of the article as i see you are fond of this title.

 

I hope this all makes sense as i am writing it on my phone and auto correct is doing its thing. Keep at it and good luck with the gauntlet

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

Thorn: updated previous response post.

Brother SP: Yes, I am aware formatting is an issue. It will unfortunately stay like that for a while, as my next two weeks will be really hectic.

As for Zephinac, I see your point. They shouldn't work together, but I'm calling author's right on this (I'm aware this is worse than some of GW's stuff, but that can't be avoided in this case) and dropping a marker. I will say this once here and once in the OP, both in big red letters. The following is not meant to be disrespectful, merely to get it through people's skulls.

Venerable ​Brother Zephinac is Not. Going. Anywhere.

​I have photographic proof of the model, and I am not going to move from this, and to the warp with the fluff about it. Someone gave me this kit and I am not getting rid of it.

Okay, that's done. Here's the rest of my response. The 'shogun' bit is a holdout from their earliest days as a Japanese sun cliché chapter. See the original OP, first few lines, for more. I may add subtle theming, but there's some really subtle stuff in ​the ​Thrice-Forged Blade​ (a reference to how Japanese swords are made in that method) and the practice of each warrior forging their own weapons (which might not be totally Japanese but what can ya do?) The Fallen Dawn are also somewhat that, essentially a permenant penitent crusade the chapter maintains for marines that are seeking to reclaim lost honor (they don't commit suicide because it's impractical. An Astartes takes a long time to make, and wasting it needlessly makes no sense). When phase one is done I think I'll dump my entire doc on these guys on here (after updating it). Yes I have another article. It's close to just as long .

​Don't worry, you're making sense, and good luck to you as well.

[Doctor Perils]

I think you may have misunderstood what we meant about Zephinac - we are not saying to get rid of the model, by any means! You've made some nice conversion work on it, after all. (I don't mean to put words in Brother SP's mouth but I think we agree on the subject)

We are simply suggesting that there may be other ways of using this in your DIY fluff: perhaps there could be an allied Craftworld or Corsair fleet that often fights alongside the Dawnblades and make use of this war walker? Perhaps Zephinac is the captain that fought alongside the Harlequins and was granted the Shadowglass - when he was mortally wounded, the Harlequins help create an Internment Sarcophagus that connects him to the walker?

 

Unfortunately, the fluff justification for him at the moment seems a bit light, we're just trying to help you to consider new possibilities around him: you're obviously attached to both the model and the idea of him in the fluff, so we'll try to help you work out a better way of integrating them together :)

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

Thorn you are a genius. An absolute genius. I will be affecting one of those ideas (the Harlequins saving Zephinac's life) promptly. Expect changes to follow.

 

I see your point about trying to help. I was up late and read BrotherSP's 'drop[ping] the whole Eldar dread thing' as "get rid of it entirely." In my defense, I was tired, and a tad stressed out. My apologies to BrotherSP.

 

I have also given some though to how I might be able to incorporate more Japanese theme without rewriting the entire chapter. I have two options. First, a sister chapter that split off at some point that took most of the Japanese culture with them after somehow ending up on the other side of the galaxy. Not really interested in that, as it would necessitate another chapter, and I have another chapter cooking up elsewhere anyway. My second option is that several of the original marines were drawn from the Japanese area of Terra, and the ones who survived entered the veteran company, where they took little-to-no casualties for close to a century. Their culture became predominant in the 1st company and from there the first company was known as the Samurai (I took some inspiration from both an earlier incarnation and Sabaton's 'Shiroyama' [which, on an unrelated note, I feel like oldMarines vs numarines are heading for at some point]).

 

Thoughts?

[Doctor Perils]

To be honnest, what I would have suggested for the Japanese theming would be to make a much later version of Japan, so in the fall of the Tokugawa Shogunate, where Japanese Feudalism starts dying out in favour of concentrating power in the hands of the emperor - it would justify the Shogun term, but also stand out from feudal-Japanese-themed chapters :)

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

Having looked at the article you linked, Thorn, I do think there is some potential there. The concentration of power ties in nicely to the standard command structure of a chapter (captains report to the CM and are subservient to him), and Shinsengumi would make a really :cuss awesome name for honor guard, though with some different translations as opposed to what it is now. I've been considering 'Arrows of the Shogun' as a translation, and having one accompany each company. This would also make even more dire a large complement of Honor Guard, because half of the chapter or more has cause to be gathered in one spot against a single threat. Given old samurai battles started with a single arrow being released, a symbolic first shot from a shinsengumi (arrow of the Shogun) would start the battle.

 

Did any of that make sense? That made more sense in my head. (Also, still looking to use the bit about 1st company mainly from Japanese area of terra. Do you think I can merge the two ideas seamlessly with what I have so far?)

[Doctor Perils]

There shouldn't be much of a problem merging the different elements together. Glad to be of service :)