Battleship Nebulia

[Bruce Malcom]

The four thousand-year time skip makes me wary- I read too many bad stories that use such time skips to justify extreme changes in their characters and setting. Hopefully, you won't repeat the bad writers' mistakes. (Glares at Gene Roddenberry for reducing the Federation and its Starfleet into spineless pansies who think SELF-DEFENSE is an act of aggression, J. J. Abrams and Rian Johnson for reducing the New Republic and its Jedi into suicidal fools who'd rather let the galaxy burn than lift one finger to save it.)

The investigation into Rik Oxymin’s disappearance led the Mechanicus to believe he had been murdered by Earlin Xurfanous or another agent of the Mechanicus.

This is confusing. You should specify Rik Oxymin and Earlin Xurfanous are from different Mechanicus factions, and identify these factions.

 

No no no. The fleet has been in the future for about a couple months, best. The future is the Forty-Seventh Millennium. Its been a couple of months for the fleet since the fall of Cadia.

 

They are not from different Mechanicus factions. There is only one Mechanicus here. 

[Bjorn Firewalker]

No no no. The fleet has been in the future for about a couple months, best. The future is the Forty-Seventh Millennium. Its been a couple of months for the fleet since the fall of Cadia.

So the fleet was unknowingly within the Warp for 4000 years? That's fair.

 

 

The investigation into Rik Oxymin’s disappearance led the Mechanicus to believe he had been murdered by Earlin Xurfanous or another agent of the Mechanicus.

This is confusing. You should specify Rik Oxymin and Earlin Xurfanous are from different Mechanicus factions, and identify these factions.

They are not from different Mechanicus factions. There is only one Mechanicus here.

Why would the Mechanicus bother investigating Rik Oxymin's disappearance if it ordered the man's death? The only believable explanations are

 

1) The Mechanicus is suffering from an internal conflict that led one faction to murder Rik Oxymin (a member of another faction),

 

2) The Mechanicus is only pretending to investigate Rik Oxymin's disappearance, to conceal its role in the man's death (there are no rival factions in this case).

Edited December 22, 2019 by Bjorn Firewalker

[Bruce Malcom]

 

No no no. The fleet has been in the future for about a couple months, best. The future is the Forty-Seventh Millennium. Its been a couple of months for the fleet since the fall of Cadia.

So the fleet was unknowingly within the Warp for 4000 years? That's fair.

 

 

The investigation into Rik Oxymin’s disappearance led the Mechanicus to believe he had been murdered by Earlin Xurfanous or another agent of the Mechanicus.

This is confusing. You should specify Rik Oxymin and Earlin Xurfanous are from different Mechanicus factions, and identify these factions.

They are not from different Mechanicus factions. There is only one Mechanicus here.

Why would the Mechanicus bother investigating Rik Oxymin's disappearance if it ordered the man's death? The only believable explanations are

 

1) The Mechanicus is suffering from an internal conflict that led one faction to murder Rik Oxymin (a member of another faction),

 

2) The Mechanicus is only pretending to investigate Rik Oxymin's disappearance, to conceal its role in the man's death (there are no rival factions in this case).

 

Man, I hope the story isn't this murky...

 

They did not order his death. They believe that Rik was killed by A) Earlin, who did, or B) Some other tech-priest who went rogue for whatever reason, due to the type of weapon that killed him. (An Enginseer's melee weapon)

 

Next chapter coming soon.