Guest Dr. Fabulous Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Hello eveyone, I've had this idea for a chapter floating around in my head for a while, thought I'd post it for some feedback. :P Ultramarine Geneseed Founding: Early but not 26th? Motto: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Librarian- Melechor Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 I like it so far, now take it further, and tell us where they are/been, what has happened in their battles, and such. I like the idea of them searching for a planet, but eventually they could run out of humans, as it is dangerous to carry your world's lives on some ships. Keep up the good work though, i would like to see this translate into a full-blown DIY. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormbringer_951 Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Nice, but may need more detail. (sees Melechor) Aaah!Not you again. Why do we always run into each other!!! Aaah!!! :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrata Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 I like the idea, and it could work. It needs to be rewritten to flow better, because at the moment it doesnt flow. Im not a fan of them name "Gatecrahes", also it doesnt fit the symbol very well. Maybe something like the "Imperial Crowns" or soemthing along the lines. What colour are you painting them? Ferrata Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dr. Fabulous Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Thanks for the feedback. Alrighty, I will try to elaborate, but writing fiction doesn't come easy to me :P The Beginning: The civilized world of Solace Prime is located in the far reaches of the Ultima Segmentum, where the beacon of earth is but a whisper, and the Emperors Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master Belial Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 As for the colorscheme, I know you guys on the B&C generally frown on brown marines, but I thought why not since there probably aren't that many out there. I've been thinking about one of these. Any feedback is welcomed. :P <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Can you elaborate on which particular colors you are using. Looks like Bone Armour, but not quite. Also what's the difference between the two pictures? Belial Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dr. Fabulous Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 The main armor is kommando khaki, but it looks like a darker gray-brown on my computer than the actual color. So I was going to try and mix some paints to get the right color. :P On the first one, its blood red for the eyes and shoulder pad edge with mithril silver and black bolters. I tried to get a color to contrast with the brown such as red. The second one is a variation of the first with white pads and burnished gold trim instead. Kind of a bit lighter over all than the first one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrata Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 With the schemes, maybe change the rim to Company colour. While the white background (or field if we're talking shields) can be turned white for veterans. I dont think we dislike brown around here (do we? We'll have a poll for the Democratic Republic of the Bolter & Chainsword, which fights for Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love and a Hard-Boiled Egg :P ) All this changed one day during a fateful battle with the orkoid menace. Sounds like its out of a cheap sci-fi film, but it sounds like good stuff is about to come along. Doesnt matter if your not that good at fictional writing, read other stories and you'll soon find what you like and what you dont, then start typing the style that you like. Most of my stories have very little action in them, because I'm not that good at it, so I stay away from it and do a lot of internal monologue or talking or random things (like spheres) Enjoy your stay here at Liber, the clever people of the B+C :) Ferrata Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dr. Fabulous Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Reasonably Priced Love and a Hard-Boiled Egg Had a good laugh there. :) Thanks for the encouragement thus far. The Battle of Fallhope: Part 1 In late M40, an Ork Space Hulk appeared near the Solace system in Ork held space. Local Ork leaders saw this as an opportunity to finally invade the Solace system with bolstered numbers from the Hulk. In particular, one Ork warlord rose to prominence over other leaders, Warlord Hruth Valdakka. Valdakka had long since wanted to invade the Solace system. However, his efforts were always thwarted through sabotage and outright defeat by Imperial forces. With the appearance of the Space Hulk, this was a golden opportunity to overwhelm the populace of Solace with mighty green warriors. Sparing little time, Valdakka rallied several Ork worlds in the vicinity under the promise of victorious battle with the humans and gaining the most precious prize of all, the Solace system. Valdakka found the Orks aboard the Hulk thirsty for battle after their long journey and they readily joined his cause. The green war machine had awoken. In the Solace system, the space marines knew they had to act swiftly to dispel the Ork threat before the filthy greenskins could muster their forces for the impending attack. Unfortunately, due to Warlord Valdakka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrata Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 I like the story :) Needs a little work with making things longer, more explained. And maybe the odd word changed to something more gothic. They would be able to teleport without any homer, but its more risky without one. Ferrata Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Sergeant Alasseo Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 I wonder, did anyone else find themselves humming the Battlestar Galactica theme when reading this? I'm not saying your fluff is a rip-off of BSG ('cos it reads as though the similarities are coincidental), but it is reminiscent of the storyline behind the new series. Anyway, I like it, keep working on it: elaborate, lengthen and make it pretty (and make your fellow frater proud). It's no use fighting for Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love and a Hard-Boiled Egg, because while you might find some truth, and win a little freedom; there's no justice, love will never be bought (and can only be rented for exorbitant prices). In fact, the only thing you might be able to get is a hard-boiled egg... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrata Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 because while you might find some truth, and win a little freedom; there's no justice, love will never be bought (and can only be rented for exorbitant prices). In fact, the only thing you might be able to get is a hard-boiled egg... Actually, tomorrow the sun will come up again, and I'm pretty sure that whatever happens we won't have found freedom, and there won't be a whole lot of justice, and I'm damn sure we won't have found truth. But it's possible that I might get a hard-boled egg. Ferrata Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Sergeant Alasseo Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 So I paraphrased. Sue me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar Molotov Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Meanwhile, back in on-topic-ville... :lol: Your chapter certainly seems interesting. The marine chapter with the myriad hangers-on interest me. You have a great theme. Any more for us to read? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Race Bannon Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Dude on the left!!! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dr. Fabulous Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Oh man, I wasn't expecting this many replies so soon :D Now that I look back on it, it does kinda remind me a bit of a cheesy scifi movie :) But I'm not too familiar with the new BSG series, I just remember the old 70's one...hehehe. I am in the process of writing the second part of the battle of Fallhope and will definately go over the other stuff and add more details! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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