ironloki Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 Thought I'd throw up my Sons of Serapis IA. Im still working on the chapter symbol (mainly the eyes ^_^ ). I was going to have a major overhaul but i've not got the energy at the minute. Anyway this is simply to try and get me interested in the Aegyptus Astartes project since my focus has shifted due to being burnt out by it. Thoughts and criticisms are more than welcome Name: The Sons of Serapis Founding: Unknown but indications of 14th Founding Polemarch (Chapter Master): Ptolemy XXIII Geneseed: Unknown Heraldry: Shadow Grey armour, midnight blue shoulder pad insets and Helmets, silver chest eagles and black backpacks Symbol: The Chapter displays a Bull like creature relating to the Cult of Serapis http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v227/ironloki/WIP/IndexAstartesEgyptian3.jpg Home world http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v227/ironloki/alexandriaplanetsun.jpg The Sons of Serapis Chapter headquarters are located on the site of Alexandria on the Planet Damascus. The world is covered almost in complete desert, with the exception of the coastal fringes. However the planet is not as barren and hot as would be expected from a desert. The planet is almost always in perpetual darkness due to the strange light emitted by the far sun of the system, which often exudes a dull blue colour. The origins of this phenomenon are unknown however this has lead for foul and chaotic creatures to spawn on the Northern extremity the planet, which cause a constant threat to the inhabitants of the world. Most of the planets population live under the constant light provided by the Great Lighthouse in the city of Alexandria, which was built many millennia ago and serves as the religious centre for the people. Unlike many chapters the Marines mix the local population and often the two have profound influences on each other. For example the brothers of the Librarium, which have dual functions both as religious and spiritual heralds, often write works of literature describing how the population should live their lives, worship the divine spirit of Serapis and even the ideology of the home as portrayed in Brother Xenophon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terror bunny Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 Showing me how its done hmmmm. ^_^ I'm reading it although i'm thinking several coffee breaks maybe in order to see it through. Good stuff man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greyhawk17 Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 Great stuff however it seems to me that you have taken 1 minor (have pride in you colours)and 2 major drawbacks (Aspire to glory, eye to eye) for 1 trait advantage (No. mercy, no respite) is tht me interpretating your fluff constrictions as traits, or have i missed another advantage otherwise thts some real good background which interlocks well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironloki Posted August 14, 2005 Author Share Posted August 14, 2005 I only use traits when I can be bothered ^_^ Its just fluff restrictions really ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrata Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 It sucks ;) I'll print it off and read it this evening. How nasty do you want me to be? ^_^ whips and chains nasty? ^_^ Rat feels pain in lower back. Damn the drag queen can stamp ;) All fun and giggles here, until someone puts the rat on the fire ;) The Serious Stuff I cant see any flaws in it. A couple of words are missing or could do with rephrasing, but you can sort that out yourself if you could be bothered ;) I think you should go certain on the founding, mainly because Im not a fan of unknowns if it doesnt add to chapter's flavour. I think you've copped out a bit on trying to describe how the scouts get good enough to be battle brothers, unless you know the answer but just have wrote it down. The chapter have a large stock of termie suits but not using them is also a little wierd, maybe say the have a small stock and are worried about losing their small amounts. One thing though, We want more *cracks out whip* "Put the paintbrush down, and pick up the lap top, its typing down" *ironloki whimpers* ;) Ferrata Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HellChyld Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 *stands on rat* ^_^ I said be nice to loki he's trying very hard on his chapter and I think he's doing a good job. ^_^ Loki you bring the project and its members pride and honor. keep up the good work. (ferata you know I just playing and I look forward to your comments as well. ;) ) whats with all the smilelys I think I caught something from loki. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironloki Posted August 14, 2005 Author Share Posted August 14, 2005 Thanks Neph. Mwahaha soon everyone will overuse smilies like me ;) The chapter have a large stock of termie suits but not using them is also a little wierd, maybe say the have a small stock and are worried about losing their small amountsYeah I noticed that at the End but kinda went Blah!. *puts it on his check list* I cant see any flaws in it. A couple of words are missing or could do with rephrasing, but you can sort that out yourself if you could be bothered Well I liked unknown but a founding allowed me to work out what number of chapter master I was on :P . I think you've copped out a bit on trying to describe how the scouts get good enough to be battle brothers, unless you know the answer but just have wrote it down.Hmm what do you mean by cop out? I dont like scouts - ugly little dudes who are not even real marines in my opinion ;) What should I do with them then? more punishment before becoming a full battle brother? I cant see any flaws in it. A couple of words are missing or could do with rephrasing, but you can sort that out yourself if you could be bothered That would be copying and pasting/re-writing at the same time. Thank ya ver much and I'll re diddle a few things if I have energy tomorrow :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrata Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 I cant see any flaws in it. A couple of words are missing or could do with rephrasing, but you can sort that out yourself if you could be bothered Well I liked unknown but a founding allowed me to work out what number of chapter master I was on . Little screw up their loki :lol: Hmm what do you mean by cop out? I dont like scouts - ugly little dudes who are not even real marines in my opinion What should I do with them then? more punishment before becoming a full battle brother? Well saying that it is unknown what they do to get battle experience. Just say what they need to do to get promoted from scout to battle brother. Kill one of the daemons, spend so long as a scout, so long in prayer etc. Ferrata Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krooter Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Don't think I can add anything, but did loki's abuse of smilies start at a young age? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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