Petrol Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 EDIT+++ Story updated to get rid of contradictions +++EDIT Hi, I'm new around here and this is the beginings of my own chapter in terms of background. I've been plannning these guys for about a month now and have so far come up with what follows below. Name: Obsidian Vipers Geneseed:The Emancipators (a friends 4th founding chapter from solid ultramarine stock ;) Motto: Amat victoria curam- "Victory likes careful preparation" Founding:14th Chapter symbol: A vipers head Chapter colour scheme: Dark red and black highlighted up with hawk turqoise- quartered, green purity seals and eyes, black chest eagles. Location: Pre- black powder agri world in the segmentum Solar. Orks, dark eldar, eldar, tyranids and necrons have all been common adversaries. Combat Doctrine: Shoot them then counter assault Traits:Advantages: Purity above all Trust your battle brothers Disadvantages: Aspire to Glory Faithful unto Death Organisation: The chapter is extremely dependent. They have no chapter forge and ancient terminator squads are scarce. More so, the ravagings of the heinious warlord Grakagrak has left the veterans of the 1st company in tatters. Apothecaries are also very common as the chapter is determined to keep their geneseed stable. Belief: The Emperor is God. Background Story: The Obsidian Vipers were one of the very few chapters of the 14th sounding. Coming after the disaster of the 13th founding, the Imperium was very concerned about comissioning a new chapter of marines. It was therefor decided to place each chapter where a close eye could be kept on it. By having the chapters dependent on the Imperium, they would run out of supplies if they went excommunicate. However, despite the tough regime imposed by the high lords of terra, the chapter managed to flourish. It's fortress monastery is placed on a pre black powder agri world. The worl resembles early terra, with a similar climate and atmosphere, as well as fertile soil. It does, however, have a strange mineral wealth. The chapter is also very influencial in the running of the planet and the chapters culture resembles that of the planet, taking values such as chivalry, and knighthood seriously. Marines are also allowed to mix relatively freely with the populace, each one being revered by the people as defenders of the God Emperor. The chapter name comes from the vipers the chapter used to survive on in the early days of their founding and the Obsidian weapons the people gifted them on their arrival. The chapter was trained by the emancipators, a 12th founding chapter who were based on a nearby world. Geneseed was also from the Emancipators and they were keen to influence the Obsidian Vipers with their own teaching. Yet the Obsidian Vipers rejected their teachings. Against such hordes as the orks, how would close combat win the day? It didn't. The Emancipators last known combat was 567M39 against Hive fleet Gorgamoth. Nothing was heard since. The Obsidian Vipers favour a mobile firebase that can lay down a withering hail of fire and face any counter assault that comes it's way. Their most recent activities have been against the vile ork warlord Grakagrak, who was slain along with his force and against an attempted raid on the populace by the mysterious eldar, who attacked seemingly with no purpose. Soon after they were defeated however, necrons were encountered on the world, near an ancient tomb. As a result of these operations, however, the 1st company has been near obliterated and with recruitment down from the local populace, due to lack of geneseed and coupled with the difficulty of aquiring supplies from Mars still, the vipers are currently lacking the sharp edge which has lead them to victory in the past. This is also leading some senior chapte officials, to question thewir combat doctrine. Dischord is rife within the chapter. More so, the Adeptus Mechanicus have been blackmailing the chapter. They have the chapter in demand of supplies, yet the adeptus machanicus need a favour done for them first. Hence, the already stringent apothecarial procedures have been made more stringent, squad veterans often taught how to remove geneseed from fallen battle brothers. ---------- Okay, thats a WIP history of my chapter. Any feedback would be much appreciated ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar Molotov Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 Feedback coming up as requested. Your chapter is, for the most part, rooted in decent and solid fluff. Unless there were any significant deviations, the Adeptus Mechanicus wouldn't likely distinguish that much between Ultramarine successors with regards to the gene-seed. I'm guessing that the Emancipators helped to train them originally? If the chapter is extremely dependant on other Imperial organisations, has this meant that occasionally other Imperial organisations blackmail the Vipers into performing missions for them in return for goods? Groups like the Adeptus Mechanicus can be extraordinarily political if it suits them. My own DIY chapter, the Castigators, are also a 14th Founding Chapter. I went with the same reasoning, that after the 13th Founding, an emphasis on purity would be in evidence. Don't dictate things such as the number of chapters founded, however. Placing a chapter far away could have the opposite effect, you know - rather than being away from sources of taint, they're further away and harder to keep an eye on. Seems peculiar to me that if the High Lords of Terra were keen for pure chapters to flourish, that they made it very hard indeed for the pure chapters to survive. Has the lack of their 'sharp edge' brought about a change in combat doctrine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petrol Posted August 18, 2005 Author Share Posted August 18, 2005 Hi, Thanks for the Feedback! Your chapter is, for the most part, rooted in decent and solid fluff. Unless there were any significant deviations, the Adeptus Mechanicus wouldn't likely distinguish that much between Ultramarine successors with regards to the gene-seed. I'm guessing that the Emancipators helped to train them originally?Yes, the Emancipators did help originally train the chapter. If the chapter is extremely dependant on other Imperial organisations, has this meant that occasionally other Imperial organisations blackmail the Vipers into performing missions for them in return for goods? Groups like the Adeptus Mechanicus can be extraordinarily political if it suits them. I hadn't thought about this, and am keen to add it. The whole idea of the adeptus mechanicus having them in their control could mean that their situation with most of the first company having gone could put the chapter in a stickier situation than I thought. My own DIY chapter, the Castigators, are also a 14th Founding Chapter. I went with the same reasoning, that after the 13th Founding, an emphasis on purity would be in evidence. Don't dictate things such as the number of chapters founded, however. Placing a chapter far away could have the opposite effect, you know - rather than being away from sources of taint, they're further away and harder to keep an eye on.Woops. All references to other chapters will be removed. :) as for the idea of them beiong futher away, and hard to keep an eye on, I completely agree. It makes more sense to keep an eye on them than to leave them to wonder completely. That will be updated :) Seems peculiar to me that if the High Lords of Terra were keen for pure chapters to flourish, that they made it very hard indeed for the pure chapters to survive. What I should have said is not that they were with held a lot of equipment, just that they couldn't be self sufficent because the Imperium was concerned that the mistakes of the 13th founding could be repeated. If, however, they were reliant on requisitioning resources, there would be no chance that the chapter could gain new equipment in any way but scavenging. Hence, it wouldn't continue to be a problem. :P Has the lack of their 'sharp edge' brought about a change in combat doctrine? I'll leave that open in a plot hook. Their lack of a sharp edge is will instead cause much arguement among the the rulers of the chapter as to what is done with them. I prefer to end with an open plot hook as it lets me go where I like :D Thank you very much for the feedback, I'll edit the original background, and hopefully I'll have a good background sorted out. B) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petrol Posted August 21, 2005 Author Share Posted August 21, 2005 *Bump* Could anyone please give me some more feedback? Thanx in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.