Bryn Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 The Angels of Ultramar are my DIY chapter. I have been working on them for quite a while. C&C is welcome. :P Here they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howxat Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 nice ideas and i like the colour scheme, just one or two comments. Unless that HAS to be the name of your chapter master I would change it because the the ulttramarines already have a chaplain cassius and you just sound unoriginal. Also, Geneseed does not come from a specific company, it is the genetic data of a primarch and therefore the whole chapter has the same geneseed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother-Librarian Akritedes Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 Spot on howexat. Also, why a nickname? It just seems...wrong, to me. That aside, the premise is good, although there are quite a few holes. By the way, what is the "Eye of Terra"? I presume you mean the Eye of Terror...? Now, the already mentioned Gene-seed error is one hole. Two is making a battle-brother, even a veteran one, a Chapter Master. Chapter Masters are the best of the best, responsible for one of the deadliest fighting forces known to man. They almost always rise from Company Captain to Chapter Master, as no others have the necessary strategic and tactical experience. Aside from that, it's got a number of spelling and grammar errors, which are easily fixed, and it could do with expanding. Why are they secretive? Why are they stationed near the Eye of Terror? Why in the name of the Throne were they sent from the far galactic "West" to deal with Tyranids on the galactic "East"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrata Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 It would be extremely difficult for a chapter to remain in touch of its self if it was fighting at the Eye of Terror and The Eastern Fringe, both at opposite sides of the known universe. The secret chapter needs explaining, why are they very unknown when their leader is feared and the have been involved in a huge number of campaigns. Both these situations is slightly skewed in themselves. I doubt many Xenos/Heretics would know the name of the Space Marine unless they have had numerous campaigns/long campaigns against one another. Not even the larger chapters have been involved in a "huge" number of campaigns. They sound like they should be strict codex, being named after the Ultramarines homeworld. If they have that name, they should be extremely close to the Ultra's, thus follow the codex Ferrata Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryn Posted August 21, 2005 Author Share Posted August 21, 2005 @ Ferrata I think i might change the part about them fighting in the eastern fringe i did that because i was going to collect a tyranid army. The reason i wanted them to be secretive is to be a lot like the Alpha Legion before the Heresy. I have tried to make the Traits work to make them a almost entirely drop pod army for quick deployment on the battle field. @ howxat & Brother-Librarian Akritedes The chapter masters name is now changed and they now don't have a geen seed taken from just the 5th company alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.