flyinghippo Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Wow :blink: It's almost as good as if not better than Dan Abnett. And thats saying a lot. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1053067 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplain Odin Posted July 13, 2006 Author Share Posted July 13, 2006 Chapter 3's a good 'un, boss... :) ...though I was expecting some sort of descriptive flavor on the psyker trying to pull her power from the warp, while shadowy things tried to force their way in and through. :D I never thought of that! It sounds like a really good idea. I'll certainly look into updating that part. It should really help set 40K psychic powers apart from other sci-fi powers and, at the same time, show the risk that's involved. After all, she didn't really want to have to use her powers to begin with. ;) Wow :P It's almost as good as if not better than Dan Abnett. And thats saying a lot. That is saying a lot. I'm glad you like it! :) EDIT: Spelling... It's still early. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1053219 Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurgleThing Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I don't like begging, but that is such a good story you must write more. Even consider publishing. You have found a niche that I believe no-one has explored, the radical inquisitor, portrayed as a hero. Thank you for the entertainment. NT Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1053239 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplain Odin Posted July 13, 2006 Author Share Posted July 13, 2006 I don't like begging, but that is such a good story you must write more. Even consider publishing. You have found a niche that I believe no-one has explored, the radical inquisitor, portrayed as a hero. Thank you for the entertainment. NT I'll try and get more up soon, so you can stop begging. ;) I have thought of publishing, but the only place this could be published is with the Black Library. It seems they want new authors to take part in a short story competition, so I may try entering this (if I ever get it finished!) and see what happens. Not really an "update," but as per Straxus' suggestion, Lucia's use of her powers has been added to. I think it works a lot better now, and offers the reader a bit more imagery. It also helps the reader (I think) understand the dangers behind psychic powers in 40K. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1053854 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Santoro Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 I love this story, its something new and unusual to read about, like Nurglething said. If I may ask, how many chapters are you planning to write? Cheers boss - Santoro Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1054196 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplain Odin Posted July 14, 2006 Author Share Posted July 14, 2006 I love this story, its something new and unusual to read about, like Nurglething said.If I may ask, how many chapters are you planning to write? Cheers boss - Santoro As it stands now, the story is going to be broken into three parts. Each part is probably going to be around five chapters, so fifteen total. But that's a long way to go yet, so plently could change in the mean time. Chapter 3 has been updated. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1054828 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplain Odin Posted July 18, 2006 Author Share Posted July 18, 2006 Chapter 3 is now finished. Chapter 4 is currently work in progress. I want to try and maintain some sort of "buffer," so I'll try and hold off posting until I manage to get into Chapter 5. Hopefully, it won't take too long. As always, comments, criticisms, enjoy! EDIT: It seems the "bad words" filter stepped in on Chapter 3. Both "<DELETED BY THE INQUISITION>"'s should be the "S" word that means "doodie." :( And yet the word "bastard" isn't censored. Go figure. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1057489 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplain Odin Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 I hope digging this up from the third page doesn't mean people have lost interest in it. I've made some progress on Chapter 4, so I decided to post the first section of it. Any feedback on what's been posted for Chapter 3? As always, any comments are greatly appreciated. -------------------------------- Chapter 4 Colonel John Borglyn stood on the bridge of the Redemption, staring at the view screen in front of him. His home world, Gaea Prime, was coming into view now. Appropriate name for a ship, considering the mission. Three weeks ago, he had sent a message to Inquisitor Alexi Dovator, notifying him of the situation. No response was sent, but Borglyn didn't need one. He knew Dovator would come. And sure enough, a few hours ago, he had received a communique from the Inquisitor, notifying him that Dovator and his crew had entered the system and would meet with him shortly. The two men hadn't seen each other in over twenty years. And now, when they finally had an opportunity to catch up on old times, the circumstances took all the joy out of the occasion. Their world was in danger and it would take the skills of both men to flush out and exterminate the Heretics, one at a time if necessary. Gaea Prime will be cleansed of this cancer, the Colonel vowed. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1060091 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callas Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 This is just getting better and better the more I read it - I'm starting to feel an empathy with the characters you have created, which is something I've never been able to do with much that comes out of the BL. Keep going, you have set a firm foundation to build upon with this one. :ph34r: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1060398 Share on other sites More sharing options...
diabloelmo Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Yeah, this story is awesome. keep on goin, Odin! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1060602 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplain Odin Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 This is just getting better and better the more I read it - I'm starting to feel an empathy with the characters you have created, which is something I've never been able to do with much that comes out of the BL. Keep going, you have set a firm foundation to build upon with this one. :( Thanks. It's good to hear that my characters are real enough to garner such a response. I'm very surprised by all the comments about the Black Library. I haven't read any books from the Black Library myself, (except Fire Warrior, but a book based on a video game hardly counts) but I would have thought most of them would be top notch stuff. Either way, having my work compared (favourably) to the stories written by professional authors is amazing. Thanks again. Chapter 4 updated. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1062465 Share on other sites More sharing options...
diabloelmo Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Mate, you should contact Black Library, see if they are interested. of course, you would have to keep posting the story here, so we all get it for free... :eek Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1062679 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Santoro Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I'm trying to figure out anything constructive to say, but im just stunned. This just keeps getting better and better in my opinion, so, just do what you already do, and it will turn out great, of that im sure. - Santoro Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1062932 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terminus Est Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Have you ever thought of writing a proper novel? this stuff is just incredible! maybe you should even submit it to the BL... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1062948 Share on other sites More sharing options...
RADU LYKAN Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I hope digging this up from the third page doesn't mean people have lost interest in it. not at all, most of us are just speechless, keep it going just wish you could type a bit faster so we can see what happens next Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1063043 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplain Odin Posted July 27, 2006 Author Share Posted July 27, 2006 Wow. Thanks for all the positive feedback guys. Hmm... 666 views. I think it's an omen or something! just wish you could type a bit faster so we can see what happens next I wish I could too. But I've got standards to meet now. I don't want to rush and screw things up! ;) The rest of Chapter 4 is up now. Enjoy! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1064711 Share on other sites More sharing options...
solid snake drive Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Wow this is great, it just gets beter and better, i even relate to Weiss, which is cool. i say publish it to the black library when you got more than 10 chapters and see if their interested. i am. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1064782 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplain Odin Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 Chapter 5 Dovator stood in a makeshift interrogation room, arms folded across his chest. Before him stood a small metal table, and behind it a single chair. The room was small and stuffy, formed by sturdy metal bulkheads hastily pulled together. A single lamp hung from the ceiling, its harsh glow illuminating the table and chair. The Inquisitor's eyes were locked on the room's other occupant, an arrogant man leaning against the far wall. Dovator examined the man carefully, mentally noting each pressure point and major artery. A few minutes ago, Dovator had been shouting, threatening the man. This Heretic had important information; the Inquisitor could see it in his eyes. Usually, the threat of pain would be enough. Just the thought of the kind of pain an Inquisitor was capable of inflicting drove all but the most twisted, corrupt men to repent. But this time, it wasn't enough. Dovator had steadily been losing the battle of wills. He was agitated, and it was starting to show. And yet, the Inquisitor knew, this man's resolve was inconsequential compared to the events of the passed week. Borglyn's plan had been simple and efficient, taking full advantage of Gaea Prime's single landmass. All military personnel would be deployed along the southern edge of the continent and push north toward the capital. Any major cities in their path would be seized in the name of the Emperor and a garrison would be left to defend them. From these strong points, assaults could be launched to reclaim each of the smaller towns. As more and more ground was reclaimed, Borglyn believed the resistance would begin to evaporate and the fighting would become less and less costly. Dovator was confident the Colonel was correct; the people of Gaea Prime were not hardened warriors. And in his heart, he knew that the majority of the population would welcome deliverance. He knew that it was only a corrupt few who would need to be stamped out in order to free the world from the taint of Chaos. He was wrong. Resistance had been fierce. Every inch gained had been paid for in blood. Gaea Prime's PDF had been upgraded recently, most likely after the world fell to Chaos. They had tanks, fortifications, automated turrets. But more importantly, they had numbers and a twisted sense of justice on their side. They truly believed that the Imperium had abandoned humanity, that by revolting and siding with the forces of Chaos, they could bring about reform. Dovator felt the same way, but he knew where to draw the line. Chaos was not something to be taken lightly. It was no ally, and it could not be wielded for good. It corrupted entirely: mind, body and soul. Dovator still held on to the hope that the people of his world were not all beyond saving, but as time passed, his hopes began to fade. After an entire week of fighting, the Inquisitor had yet to see a man, woman, or child still loyal to the Emperor. He was in complete shock. How could an entire world, a peaceful world, give itself over to the Great Enemy so completely? The Inquisitor had asked himself that question constantly and yet, he always wondered, did he really want to know the answer? Would knowing lessen the pain he felt? No. The Inquisitor's attention returned to his prisoner. He had been captured recently, during a skirmish. Borglyn's troops were moving into place around the capital, preparing for one final push into the city when they had been attacked. The battle was quick and bloody, and of the attackers only this man had survived. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1067627 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemis the hunter Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 I really wish my writing was as good as this... Keep up the good work :huh: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1068506 Share on other sites More sharing options...
diabloelmo Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Ooooo.....Now we get to see the sardonic side of Dovator....I would hate to be that heretic right about now... :angry: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1068851 Share on other sites More sharing options...
StormDragon Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 A great bit of writing! I love the way you're developing the characters. I've only just come across this thread so I've been able to read it all non stop, now it's going to kill me having to wait for the next installment ;) One suggestion - if you're worried about this thread dissapearing to the backwater of page 3, or beyond :P , maybe PM a mod to get it moved to Liber Perscribo. I'd guess the turn around in there isn't any where near as high as in Amicus. But then maybe you wouldn't get as many people reading it :) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1068996 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merkava Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 This is amazing. I killed a morning just reading it. Keep it coming. This is definatly on par with the Eisenhorn/Ravenor series and I would certianly buy it if it was published. So far all I've read is Abbnett so I don't know how cheesy the other authors can be. Now get writing so I can waste another morning!!! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1069114 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callas Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Heh-heh-heh. Dovator gets nasty..... he isn't an Inquisitor for nothing, you know. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1069237 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplain Odin Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 Thanks all for the comments. I was a little worried that I may have taken Dovator too far from the way he was developed. I wanted to show that he is still an Inquisitor, and he can bring the pain if he has to. Sounds like I succeeded! :) A great bit of writing! I love the way you're developing the characters. I've only just come across this thread so I've been able to read it all non stop, now it's going to kill me having to wait for the next installment :( One suggestion - if you're worried about this thread dissapearing to the backwater of page 3, or beyond :D , maybe PM a mod to get it moved to Liber Perscribo. I'd guess the turn around in there isn't any where near as high as in Amicus. But then maybe you wouldn't get as many people reading it :P I'm glad you're enjoying it. I've considered having it moved to Liber, but like you said: Amicus gets all the traffic. I can live with digging it back up every now and then if it means more people are going to be reading it. As to the other comments: I'm writing as fast as I can. I'll do my best to make sure you can waste another morning soon. :D Chapter 5 updated. Enjoy! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1070035 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callas Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 And enter the 'Thirster........ Just the right amount of tension to keep the pot boiling. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/90335-dovator-updated-150806/page/2/#findComment-1070125 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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