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Darkwatch: The Mini-Series!


Leethal

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Darkwatch: The Mini-Series!

For the Dark Gods!

 

Written by Leethal of B&C

Update: Whenever I feel like it!

 

Thought of the Day: "To cheese or not to cheese, that is the question."

-William Cheesespere 1M.099

 

 

 

Slave: I just require the confirmation codes and the Cheese of a Monolith to open the Codex sir.

 

Abaddon the Despoiler: Confirmation Code....bah! We'll handle that later, but first...

 

Elsewhere . . . .

 

Khurn: Top of the Mornin' to ya lads and chums!

 

Typhas: Shut...up. So, where's the Monolith?

 

Betarius: There. In the sands.

 

Typhas: You mean that broken down lump of metal? What's so cheesy about that?

 

Uhriman: You'll see soon enough. Wait. Where's Teetles Ironbite?

 

Lypher: Down there.

 

Uhriman: Is he. . .

 

Lacias: Yes, he's covering the damn monolith in stickers. Not kinky nor erotic.

 

Typhas: Oh yeah that Monolith sure is dangerous. By the Dark Gods, look! The stickers are barely hurting it! We're doomed!

 

Betarius: I do not appreciate your sarcasm. We will wait for it to be activated and then we shall make our move.

 

Typhas: Why?

 

Betarius: Because it hasn't been activated you nitwit. Do you have nurglings in your ears?

 

Typhas: When will it activate?

 

Betarius: How the hell would I know? Shut up and wait! DAMN!

 

5 Days pass . . . . the Monolith is totally covered in Stickers

 

Khurn: And so, THAT'S how I got the skull of Paris Hilton.

 

Aerbus: Amazing! You are a god!

 

Khurn: Nonsense old chum. No, oh ho ho ho. I'm no god.

 

Arebus: You are too modest! I will write stories about you! You are a legend! People will make cults about you!

 

Green light flashes

 

Khurn: what the bloody 'ell was that?

 

Betarius: Alright Brothers, the Monolith is awake!

 

Monolith rises out of the sands

 

Ebbaddon: Hurry! Shoot it down!

 

Typhas: Holy crap that things humongous!

 

Ebaddon: Wait....who has the heavy weapon?

 

Betarius: Teetles Ironbite.

 

Ebaddon: And where is he?

 

Uhriman: Umm...He kinda...disappeared.

 

Sso Zahaal: Yeah, now that you mention it, I haven't seen him since what....3 days ago?

 

Ebaddon: So our only Heavy Weapon ran off....so HOW are we going to shoot it down?

 

Uhriman: I got this. DOOMBOLT!

 

Monolith: . . . . C://cmd/fail

 

Uhriman: Okay, I'm out of ideas now.

 

Monolith: whum whum whum whumwhumwhumwhum

 

Khurn: It's going to shoot us isn't it?

 

Lacias: Most likely. Probably flay us as well.

 

Betarius: GO TO GROUND BROTHERS!

 

Boom

 

Betarius: Corpse Emperor's Diaherria! What was that?!

 

Teetles Ironbite: Just as planned. ;)

 

Betarius: What?

 

Teetles Ironbite: My stickers were beign proxied as Melta Bombs.

 

Leethal: ...Damn you proxy rules...

 

Teetles Ironbite: What?

 

Lacias: Where's the Lascannon?

 

Teetles Ironbite: Oh, I traded it.

 

Typhas: To who?

 

Khurn: It's "to whom".

 

Typhas: ...Did I just have my grammar corrected by a servant of Khorne? Is it the endtimes already?

 

Teetles Ironbite: To the Lost and the Damned.

 

Betarius: Quickly! Enough chit-chat! Grab the Monolith's cheese!

 

Cheese oozes out of the Monolith

 

Betarius: Go go go! Go! Hurry! Before the Necrons come!

 

Khurn: Got the cheese old sport! Let's vamoose!

 

Necron: C://Query/The_Cheese//They_took_the_cheese_!

 

Back on the Vengeful Spirit XVII

 

Abaddon the Despoiler: Ah, the Cheese. You brought it. SLAVE!

 

Slave: Yes sire?

 

Abaddon the Despoiler:Prepare the Arch-Fiend.

 

Slave: At once.

 

Andy Chambers: Let me go! Let me....oh bollocks....

 

Abaddon the Despoiler: Yes bollocks indeed. Now....OPEN THE CHAOS CODEX! UNLEASH OUR CHEESE!

 

Andy Chambers: But why? You have a new codex! I don't even work at Games Workshop anymore!

 

Abaddon the Despoiler: Here...look at the new Space Marines Codex.

 

Andy Chambers: OH MY GOD! Look! THE PAGES! THEY'RE WRITTEN ON CHEESE! AND THE WORDS! THEY ARE MADE OF HAIR!

 

Abaddon the Despoiler: The hair from beards.

 

Andy Chambers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!

 

Abaddon the Despoiler: Yes. NOW OPEN THE CODEX! OPEN IT!

 

Andy Chambers: Damn you Jervis! DAMN YOU!!!!

 

Opens the Chaos Codex Version 3.5

 

Abaddon the Despoiler: Bwahahahahahahahaha!

 

Outside the Chambers

 

Khurn: Chaps?...I fell...stranger...

 

Betarius: Khurn?

 

Khurn: ...BURN! MAIM! KILL!

 

Sso Zahaal: I feel more...agile...and scary...

 

Typhas: PISTOL GRIP PUMP!

 

Teetles Ironbite: SERVO ARMS!

 

Arebus: Accursed Crozius! You came back!

 

Lacias: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

 

Uhriman: O h my...ALL IS DUST!

 

Betairus: Sneaky sneaky...

 

Abaddon the Despoiler: WARRIORS! HOW DO YOU FEEL!?!

 

All: CHEESY!

 

Abaddon the Despoiler: We shall make the servants of the Corpse God cry! Gather your Warbands! We march off to war!

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