Death Heads

[Donkey Kong]

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http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f187/parouleklin/Krake2.jpg[/center]

A

creation of the Ninth Founding, the Death Heads have taken the ideals of the Silver Skulls, their mentor chapter, and formed them into their own. The Chapter's first master was Stannum Denarious, a very stern and venerable marine. Denarious found Charybdis within a decade of being selected to lead a training cadre. He chose two thousand young boys from the world to begin training. Within fifty years, Denarious had a full codex adherent Chapter, yet they were nameless and without heraldry.

Denarious spent days consulting his Chapter's librarians and the Emperor's Tarot, each message adding onto the next. After dozens of messages were connected, Denarious learned of a treasure in the World's central ocean, and set off to find it. Guided by the Emperor's own hand, Stannum found his treasure. A massive mining complex, sealed from the outside, it would later serve as the Chapter's Fortress Monastery. The fortress lay in an ancient valley, on either side lay decrepit cities, clearly once a marvel of beauty. Denarious circled the building, observing it and the sea floor as he passed. Hundreds of treasures lay in the mud, gold and silver and brass alongside skeletons and machines, millenia old.

Sixteen treasures caught Denarious' eye, master forged Astartes helms shaped into fearsome krakes, one standing out from the rest, a stylized skull on the oblong forehead. Satisfied, he returned to the surface. In the capitol city, Denarious gathered all of his Astartes, every planetary noble and renown artist. He had set the sixteen krake helms on a long table, and each of the relics held the people in awe. Denarious stepped up onto a raised pedestal and shouted out in a booming voice,

"We are the Death Heads! And we know no fear!"

One by one he called up the finest Marines from Charybdis's stock to become the Captains of his Chapter. Ten Marines each received a helm which would become the relic worn by Death Heads captains into eternity. Next he selected the future Chief Librarian, Master of Sanctity, Master of the Forge, Chief Apothecary, and the head of his Honor Guard. In turn, each marine accepted and donned the helm. Finally, Denarious rose the last helm above his head. Roars of triumph and applause filled the surrounding crowd as Denarious donned the final helm.

In the next few centuries, the Silver Skulls mentors passed from the ranks of the Death Heads. In that time, the Chapter had taken to recruiting from more than just their homeworld. Feral world children who have proven of their ability, as well as those young enough found on space hulks were taken into the Chapter's ranks and taught the traditions of Charybdis and the Death Heads. The Death Heads accepted any wayward human into their ranks, should they prove fit and loyal.

Homeworld

T

he Death Heads operate from the gargantuan water world of Charybdis, bordering on the Ghoul Stars. It serves as the perfect point from which they can strike against upstart Waaaghs from the green skin threat. The few cities on the worlds surface are either on islands which are truly the summits of submerged mountains and plateaus or on the floating islands that litter the sky. These floating islands can only be reached by airships, and as such the people of the world make great use of them. The floating islands are gaseous structures studied since the worlds discovery by the Adeptus Mechanicus who believe them to contain ancient anti-gravity technology. In addition to its rich surface, many treasures litter the world's sea floor. These treasures are millennium old and many date back to the Great Crusade.

Charybdis was first conquered during the Great Crusade. In a past millennium the world was covered in mountainous continents and vast seas. Great architects and engineers carved beautiful cities into the sides of mountains and plateaus. Many artists made beautiful pieces to decorate the vertical cities. When the Imperium arrived, Charybdis's governments joined peacefully and without hesitation. The coming of the Imperium brought many new operations to Charybids. Large laser drills were brought from distant Forge Worlds to excavate valuable ores and minerals. Many of these resources were exported to worlds across the Imperium, but many more fell into the hands of Charybdis's artists. These new treasures incited a cultural renaissance among the people. Many new artists rose, and their pieces, pottery, sculptures, and paintings, were exported, bringing great fame to the world.

Many in the Adeptus Mechanicus took an interest in the world, but none more so than Magos Nero. The Magos visited the world several times during the Great Crusade. In those visits, he aided in the construction of several buildings and extensively studied the floating islands. His time on the world led to a very large Mechanicus presence, even millenia after his first visit.

During the Horus Heresy, millions of invading traitor guardsmen descended upon the world. Many were stopped by the world's surface defense lasers and lunar batteries, however, Charybdis was still overrun. A great deal of fighting took place in the world's canyons, cities were leveled, and billions were killed. In desperation, the PDF issued an order to have all operating laser drills used to melt the worlds ice caps. The flooding destroyed almost the entirety of the invading force, but at a great cost. More than ninety percent of the world's glorious cities were submerged and the treasures that were once housed in them were washed out, down to the world's new sea floor.

Charybdis has six satellites. Syclla Prime, Scylla Secundus, Scylla Tricus, Scylla Tetracus, Scylla Pentcus, and Scylla Hexcus. The moons all serve as gun platforms, they are operated by Adeptus Mechanicus Priests and Adepts. The satellite lasers have been in service since the mid years of the Great Crusade. They played a great role in defending the world from traitors during the Horus Heresy and in the past they have served to destroy many Ork rocks, and on one occasion, obliterating an entire Waaagh before it could reach the Imperium. Since the world's submersion, the satellites serve as the only true defense of the world, as a majority of Charybdis's planetary guns were destroyed or sunk. The only remaining planetary guns are stationed in the world's capitol city and its few large trade cities.

Even in its current age, Charybdis is still very much like it was millennium ago. The world's PDF operates using airships and boats to transport troops. Charybdis's Functional Planetary Governor, since the Death Heads arrival the Chapter Master has held the title, keeps a large number of soldiers in reserve, for the threat of an Ork Waaagh is ever looming. In addition to this, many independent pirates and privateers operate on the world, raiding neighboring nations. Island groups on the world function as independent nations, though all officials ultimately answer to the Chapter Master. The artistic blood of Old Charybdis still runs strong through its modern citizens. Sculptors and painters always make fresh works for the world's governing bodies and rich houses to enjoy.

Battlefield Doctrine

“We stand on the edge of the Astronomican's light, and we protect the humanity from the horrors in the darkness. The horrors, the green skins, have faced us in many a battle. We have seen their face, and they ask us, are we afraid? My brothers, we answered them when we first took up arms against them, and our answer is no, we do not fear them. We know no fear, for we are fear incarnate!
- First Company Captain Lucil Tobulo

C

aptains of the Death Heads Chapter are flexible and use the tactics of the Codex Astartes to lead their Space Marines. Though, they often favor more devastating and destructive methods.

The Death Heads use drop pod assaults to a zealous degree. Surprise attacks and terror tactics have served as the Chapter's key in winning multiple battles across hundreds of worlds. In keeping with their mentor's heraldry, and the Death Head's own terror strategies, the Space Marines have taken up the tradition of painting a stylized skull on their helm.

While the first assault on a world's surface is usually made by an orbital drop, the Chapter has added on their own tactics to inspire shock and awe in their enemy. It is not uncommon for the Chapter to deploy multiple Deathstorm drop pods, only to land the majority of the Company as soon as their ammunition is expended, or their purpose in creating chaos is done. Within hours after landfall, the Company will often deploy a bulk of its armored contingent. Several assaults on rebel worlds using the armored tactic have been successful in forcing the world into submission as soon as their capitol city was leveled.

Death Heads Captains make great use of vehicles and heavily armored forces. Tactical Dreadnought Armored support from the First Company form the tip of spear head assaults. The Chapter's armored forces consist of both heavily armored tanks and lighter bikes and land speeders.

However, xeno and corrupt foes are not so easily destroyed. When facing the corrupt, the Death Heads will take to exterminating entire continents, save the corruption spread across the world. Under extreme circumstances in which it does, the Chapter is not hesitant to commit exterminatus. Better one world burn than its corruption spread to the rest of humanity.

The Chapter does not use Scouts. Instead neophytes are implanted with their black carapace, issued power armor, and immediately thrown into Assault squads where they can show their combat finesse. While this method leads to the deaths of multiple neophytes, the chapter's recruitment every few years provides ample recruits, and the Mechanicus presence on Charybdis gives the Chapter enough suits of power armor to equip them. These neophytes are deployed alongside the Terminator armored veterans, cutting into the enemy with zeal and fervor, with every intention to prove themselves to their more venerable battle brothers.

The Death Heads have a history with the Ork threat and the Ghoul Stars. Thousands of battles have been fought against the green skins, and many among the Chapter have developed a talent in killing them. The Chapter seems to have earned a reputation among the Orks. Many Warbosses have led Waaaghs and warbands in an effort to take Charybdis. However, the combined might of the sector fleet, the Adeptus Mechanicus, the Space Marines, and Charybdis's own surface and orbital might have turned them away time after time. In effect, the victories have only served to draw out more.

Chapter Organization

T

he Death Heads loosely follow the Codex Astartes in their Company Organization. However, the Chapter still disregards its ruling on reserve companies and several other aspects of organization.

The Death Heads have Ten Companies. The First Company is the veteran Company, its warriors are the only ones given the honor of wearing Tactical Dreadnought Armor. Each veteran who wears the heraldry of the First Company still maintains the heraldry of their old Company. The Second through Tenth companies each maintain a codex standard of six tactical squads, two assault squads, and two devastator squads. Each Company maintains a total of three Chaplains, a Librarian, and at least one Techmarine.

The Eleventh Company

Astos Narrick leads the self proclaimed Eleventh Company. While the rest of the Chapter recognizes the Company as the Second, Narrick refuses to be linked with the abomination Thussaud, and as such has forged his own legacy. The Eleventh Company's sole purpose, in Narrick's eyes, is to hunt down Thussaud and reclaim the helm for the Chapter and himself. The Eleventh Company operates inside the Ghoul Stars. It has a surplus of Chaplains, preventing any conflict in the Company that may harm it. [/To Be Expanded]

The Second Company

Led by the venerable Captain Strabo Thussaud, the Company is on an eternal death crusade in the Ghoul Stars, issued by none other than Thussaud himself. Long ago, the Second Company was lost to the Warp. For two years, the Marines fought against daemons and all the horrors of the Warp. As the days in the Immaterium passed, the Marines began to mutate. Many, disgusted, amputated their deformed limbs and replaced them with bionics, while others took to turning their mutations on the enemy. Upon reemerging in real space, Captain Filo Howl allowed them to leave, many among his Company had honor brothers in the Second, and bolstered Thussaud's ranks.

The Death Heads lack a codex Tenth Company, as the Chapter has its own traditions in recruiting neophytes. Chaplains and veterans take new recruits from Charybdis every few years, giving a surplus of recruits, and train them in the Fortress Monastery until they have grown their Black Carapace and are physically capable of wearing Power Armor. When such a time is reached, Companies in need of reinforcement will come to Charybdis to add the neophytes to their ranks. Neophytes are put into close combat units under the command of a Company veteran, their progress is examined and when deemed fit, neophytes become full fledged battle brothers and advance to the assault Marines.

Assault Marines have had years of experience as neophytes and are given training in operating vehicles such as land speeders and bikes as well as jump pack training. Assault Marines, upon completion of their training advance to devastator squads.

Devastator squads have had decades of experience. Their ranks have been thinned out by years of close combat, leaving only the finest Marines. Their duties on the battlefield are prominently fire support. Devastator squads are led by Company veterans, these veterans number amongst the best marksmen in the Chapter. Upon graduating from devastator squads, Marines join tactical squads, the backbone of the chapter.

The Chapter's veterans include Marines who have served in the First Company and to individual Companies, Marines with centuries of experience. While one does not need to have served in the First Company to be a veteran, every member of the First Company is a veteran. The Chapter's veterans are given free range in how they may decorate their armor. White and Red markings are popular among the Chapter, white being the First Company's color and red being lucky.

The First Company possesses many suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor, rivaling numerous older Chapters. However, many venerable Marines prefer the mobility of their power armor. Veterans donning power armor are formed into Sternguard and Vanguard squads.

Each Company possesses their own armory, and is independently responsible in maintaining it. Dreadnought sarcophagi are held in the Chapter's Fortress Monastery. Though very infrequent, dreadnoughts may take part in neophyte trainings, testing the hopeful's knowledge. When called to war, Deadnoughts operate wherever they are called. Each Company keeps a numbered few dreadnoughts in their armory for deployment in times of need.

Chapter Cult

T

housands of years of service have shaped the cult of the Death Heads Chapter. Many of the Chapters beliefs have roots in the beliefs of Old Charybdis's warriors. Sailor superstitions have carried over into the Chapter. These old myths include blue being an unlucky color, and red skies being lucky in the morning and a warning in the evening. In addition to superstitions, the Death Heads have taken numerous symbols from Old Charybdis's warriors. The most prominent symbolism for the Chapter being the mighty krake. In addition, the Chapter uses sea serpents and gorgon heads as badges of honor. A symbol of faith and the Chapter's own defiant nature, the anchor, has also been drawn from Old Charybdis.

Because of the caution surrounding the color blue, Librarians are even more respected, though it also leads Marines to avoid their Librarians whenever possible, should the misfortune spread. Also, it is rare for Librarians to lead forces on their own. Following the example of their mentors, the Silver Skulls, the Death Heads look to their Librarians for tactical advice before entering battle. Their words are regarded as the Emperor's own.

Chaplains are selected from the most pious and loyal Marines in the Chapter. They alone have the duty of passing on the stories of heroes to neophytes and overseeing their respective company during transit. It is their duty to ensure that the Librarians remain pure, and the Techmarines remain loyal to the Emperor. The Chapter's Chaplains lead all prayers to the Emperor. The Chaplains are numerous among the Death Heads, as many as three may be part of one company, for conflicts arise constantly among neophytes and occasionally battle brothers. Disputes grow violently quickly between battle brothers, as Marines are taught since their initiation into the Chapter that they must prove their strength of body and will or die trying. It is the Chaplains duty to watch over the honor duels that follow disagreements. The Chapter's Chaplains follow codex regulation in painting their armor black and wearing a skull mask. The masks worn by the Chaplains take many forms. Many retain the human skull while others shape their helms in serpent skulls or other fearsome beasts. Chaplains are usually trusted to lead small strike forces.

Marines are taught since they are neophytes that they must fight for the Chapter and themselves. While treasures and relics from the battle field are firstly given to the Company Chaplains and are later placed in the Company's armory, many smaller trinkets are left to the Battle Brothers. While the founder often has first rights to their find, it is not uncommon for multiple Marines to desire the same trinket. When such times occur, honor duels are held. Some Marines will select the trinket another brother has, simply to face them in battle and prove their superiority. Venerable Marines and finer warriors often amass larger collections of trinkets and tokens, inspiring jealousy and increased respect among their battle brothers.

Gene-seed

L

ike a majority of Chapters, the Death Heads use the gene-seed of the Thirteenth Legion, the Ultramarines. The Death Heads battle brothers have all twenty, fully functioning organs.

[Donkey Kong]

The bulk of the IA has since been completed. Not bad for a day's work.

 

It will be expanded on to include Astos Narrick and Strabo Barbarossa (though Barbarossa's name may be changed). Any idea's on Barbarossa's name?

 

I still have several internal debates:

 

Should I or should I not to call the 'Reformed Second Company' the Eleventh Great Company, simply because Astos wouldn't want to be associated with the shame of the Second Great Company.

Or, would his arrogance drive him to simply take up the name of the Second Great Company? Opinions?

 

EDIT: I forgot to include any detail here for those who have no idea who these characters are. Whoopse!

The idea here is that the Second Great Company's Captain, Strabo Barbarossa is lost in the warp. For a century he is stuck fighting daemons with his wounded company returning from a Campaign. Over the century his marines begin to mutate, arms -> tentacles, elongated heads, all that good stuff. The marines take to amputating their limbs and replacing them with bionics. Barbarossa himself amputates both his legs.

 

When he returns to real space, he emerges before Charybdis. Lucky for him, his old friend, Fourth Great Company Captain Filo Howl is stationed on the world. Howl boards Barbarossa's ship and finds him on the bridge. Barbarossa begs Howl to give him another ship and to allow him to go on a Death Crusade into the Ghoul Stars. Reluctantly, Howl does so, and in addition, many marines from the Fourth Great Company offer to join the Second. So Barbarossa sets off, still wearing the Krake helm of Second.

 

Astos Narrick is a character later introduced. Basically, Howl letting Barbarossa go resulted in a great deal of debate amongst the other Captains, with some apathetic and others passionately opposed to Howl's actions. Astos Narrick is the Champion of the First Great Company, he's arrogant, power hungry (think a loyal Lucius). The Chapter Master orders the creation of a new Great Company, with Astos Narrick as it's commander. The Chapter Master is withholding the title Captain until Narrick has the helm of second. So, despite having all the powers of Captain, Narrick wants the fancy hat and goes straight into the Ghoul Stars hunting for Barbarossa.

 

I'm worried that the Chapter may come off as too Space Wolf-ish, is this the issue. If so, how/ where can it be lessened?

 

This new chapter seems too cooperative. There is a line that Chaplains maintain order on ships, however this seems out of place. Maybe it's just me.

 

The Chapter's current color scheme. Opinions?

 

Please comment. Opinions, suggestions, this is still a WIP.

 

Thanks, KHK

[Donkey Kong]

Several things.

1. Would it be fitting for these marines to recruit from Digga populations?

 

2. The Chapter is an Ultramarine successor, so it's not very coherent to make the Chapter three times codex size. I think having some tragedy, such as the Chapter dedicates half of its forces to Campaign Y and loses marines and in the rebuilding process, the Chapter Master decides that to avoid another catastrophe the Chapter needs more marines. Does this make sense if it was to be expanded on? If not, any suggestions?

 

3. This is one of my original ideas that got me really interested in working on the IA, the conflict between Astos Narrick and Strabo Barbarossa, it's explained a bit in the previous post, but not in great detail. Here's some work on the section about them, please comment:

 

EDIT: If you read this little bit, tell me which one you think is which (Barbarossa; Narrick; Gorgon; Fay). If your response is what I think it is, I achieved my goal, if not, I accept that I am not a writer.

[Bad Monkey]

Theres some things in this that I like very much,

 

Such as

 

During the Horus Heresy, millions of invading traitor guardsmen descended upon the world. Many were stopped by the world's surface defense lasers and lunar batteries, however, the world was still overrun. A great deal of fighting took place in the world's canyons. In desperation, all mining drills were used to melt the worlds ice caps. The action killed almost the entirety of the invading force, but at a great cost. More than ninety percent of the world's glorious cities were submerged and the treasures that were once housed in them were washed out, down to the world's surface.

 

This is exactly the kind of brutal pragmatisim that i like to see in the imperium of man, however you dont seem to make any atempt to tie in your chapter with the homeworld. Even if they do not mix with the general populas they will certain have some kind of influence on the life they lead.

 

Like the Legions of old, the Death Heads make killing the Enemy's leadership a primary objective. The first assault often consists of deploying marines into capitol cities and emplacements to kill generals and then killing the rest at their own leisure.

 

Most chapters, as far as im aware seek to take the leadership out as a matter of priority. ANd killing the rest at lesuire is not, well, tactially sound. leave anything for any length of time and it will come back and gettcha. Migt be worth looking at the bit again to make it a bit more sensible.

 

 

The Chapter makes even greater use of terror and surprise tactics. Every marine has a skull painted over their helmet to terrify the enemy. In addition, armored units such as dreadnoughts, terminators, and armored vehicles are deployed as soon as possible. In several campaigns against Greenskin forces, the Chapter needn't more than deploy for the Orks to be in full retreat.

 

The terror aspect is really good, and one you could be built upon, cite some campains where this has been used. Dont need to too much detail, couple of lines would do it. t's some thing that you could use to develope a bit more of a theme which as far as i can see at the moment, is a little all over the place themewise.

 

The greenskins bit for me just dont ring true, Orks love a good old rumble and dont fear death like you or I might. If anything they'd probably come back in greater numbers.

 

Tactical Squads serve as the backbone of the chapter. The marines that form tactical squads have earned the respect of their battle brothers. Tactical Squad Sergeants have always had a tour of service in the First Great Company. Tactical Squads receive additional training in splitting up to form five man combat squads with one squad led by the squad sergeant and the other led by the squad veteran, the most venerable marine in the squad next to the sergeant, and special weapon bearer. More venerable tactical squad members are given the right to operate vehicles in combat, such as the Chapter's bikes and landspeeders

.

 

This is just not needed, tactical squads form the backbone of every chapter.

 

Scout Squads are made up of the Chapter's Veterans. They are in fact a branch of the First Great Company. The Scouts are made up completely of volunteers from the Veteran Company and even then undergo extreme training in marksmanship and stealth. Scouts are the tip of the spear, often flanking enemy positions and setting down beacons for their battle brothers waiting in orbit.

 

Why are the scout squads set up with the veterens? and to say they form the tip of the spear implies they lead assaults, then you go onto say that the flank the enemy. A little bit confusing. Might want to rethink this unless you have a very good reason for this change or leave it out.

 

The Chapter also holds great respect for the Emperors servants amongst the Inquisition

.

 

OK.....

 

While the Chapter respects Inquisitors with the best hopes for humanity, the Death Heads have also killed Radical Inquisitors who have destroyed planets and exterminated populations unnecessarily.

 

..wait, what? I could be wrong, but this is a bit of a big contradiction. and if you go about bumping off IQ's your gonna catch the bad stuff from his buddies and you could kiss that DW memebership goodbye.

 

No planet is destroyed unecessarily, there is just not enough habitable (sure is got the spelling wrong) to go about blowing them up with out much humming and hawing.

 

 

I think the bare bones are there, with a name like the Death Heads I would definatly focus on the terror tactics and make them a little more brutal. They come from a planet whose popultion sunk themselves to get rid of the bad guys. the chapter should definatly reflect this attitude. it kinda contradicts thier humanitarian view. So I would do away with that aspect and stick with the end justiy the means/terror tactics aspect. This just how I would go about it, however this is your baby so do what you will.

 

Hope I have been of use to you.

 

CHeers

 

Bad Monkey

 

 

 

The Death Head's secret reason for supporting the Inquisition is to keep the Chapter's true strength hidden, or should it be found out, ignored.

[#13]

I agree with ^

 

The two things I'll pick out are :

the killing Radical Inquisitors is really not necessary and a bit unbelievable.

 

Agree with the comment that you should work out the terror section a bit more and make them a bit more badass.

 

Tactical Dreadnought Armor is plentiful among the Chapter. Due to close ties with the Mechanicus, the Death Heads have well over two hundred and fifty suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor. The first hundred marines of the First Great Company wears Tactical Dreadnought Armor, with other suits being distributed to the other Great Companies. Each Great Company boasts at least two squads of their own Tactical Dreadnought Armor, with each marine bearing it having hundreds of years of experience as well as having served the First Great Company.

 

I have been told repeatedly on this forum how rare terminator armour is and I wasn't even near the number of suits that you're claiming here. I'd take this part out.

Personally I'd shorten the organization section as whole a bit, and expand the background more as that adds more flavour to your chapter then part by part description of all units.

 

Anyways, I really like your stuff and I hope my two cents help out a bit.

[Donkey Kong]

Bad Monkey, #13, thank you for your input. I love good criticism :) .

 

First, Bad Monkey:

Thank you for complimenting the bit on background, and I can see what you're trying to say about "Where did the whatever it takes mentality go?!"

I would hope that Astos Narrick would help a bit here, honestly, I think I should include more about it in the Battlefield Doctrine and Chapter Cult.

 

Terror with the Greenskins. While not official Cannon, I do remember the Orks fearing Chaos in the beginning of Dawn of War: Winter Assault. In addition Yarrick's bionic eye is supposed to work against Orks by winding itself into their superstition about the "killing eye." As much as the Orks love a good 'krumpin, if they get crushed time after time, eventually they're gonna realize that " 'Dem Mehreen boyz iz skery!"

 

Though I do agree, and hearing a story from the rebels perspective of a wall of iron with fearsome skulls the only visible thing in the darkness. Mmmmm. . . yum.

 

I agree with basically everything else you say.

 

Humanitarian. I like the Marines having close relationships with the homeworld, hell, the first Chapter Master even talked to an old soothsayer to get an

idea of how to prove himself as "one of you" to the marines. Ends/ justify the means is a good idea though, I'd like to include some fluff in the chapter

bombing an area into s*** just because cleaning it out with infantry would be a worthless cause. Actually I think a better one would be of a trench line,

the Chapter tells the ground forces to expect orbital bombardment, and to fall back, giving them some ludicrous time like half an hour to retreat, and then

bombing the area relentless while the boys are in mid retreat.

 

Killing at leisure, agreed, not a good idea. Agreed.

 

Tactical Marines. I agree, but I don't think it really needs to be removed as much as reducted.

 

Scouts need to be changed a bit so it says that they're deployed first, basically setting the ground for the rest of the Chapter. Basically the important bit

is that they're the veterans. And the reason for them being the veterans: Scout Squad Y is going to flank the enemy and plant a beacon for us to land in

drop pods. "Wonderful, is Scout Squad Y fit for the task?" Honestly, I have no idea, they're a bunch of noobs fresh off the surgical table though so, lolz

mebbe!

 

Basically, it's a burning at the stake heretical idea stolen straight from the Space Wolves, including throwing the neophytes into assault squads instead of the

codex devastator loader. Same thing with the devastators being the super veterans. I actually feel that this is the right idea, for my chapter anyway. The

Marines are recruiting every few decades, so, say even a hundred boys a decade, you accumulate them and they get sent to the front where there are hundreds

of bodies to fill so many slots. Throw them through the grinder, let the field weed them out. They go through their marine experience and finally when all is done,

when you're old and slow, here's a big gun, lay back, relax, chill a bit, get set.

 

Bumping off Radical Inquisitors. Gah! Proves one thing, don't write an article at one in the morning without ample caffeine, silly ideas like this are the result.

 

#13

Killing radical inquisitors, agreed. Though, I wouldn't call it unbelievable, because some Chapters might do it right. Say a humanitarian Salamander Successor,

they'd be all for tearing some planet killing loony limb from limb.

 

Terror. Aye, indeed. These guys are supposed to be based on pirates, even if the IA isn't sending the message. Basically, if you look for "Krake Marine" threads, that's

the early stages of these guys. Terror ensues.

 

Terminator Armor. Rare indeed. Though, one thing I would like to know is how many suits the Black Templars have. If this number can be given, I can have some motivation

to agree with you about lowering the number. These guys aren't codex. Plus these guys have their head so far up the Mechanicus's a** . . . yeah, lets not go there.

 

Let's look at my organization, if you will, 9000 full marines, of these, 3000 are veterans qualified to use Terminator Armor, and then say 800 more, 100 from each 3000 man company 2-9.

My word included, each Company has ~2 squads

so, say 100 suits for the First Company

10 suits per Company, 8 x 10 = 80

Commanders, etc. say another 50 between qualified Veteran Sergeants, Captains, Chapter Master, Chaplains, Librarians, etc.

 

That alone works to 230 suits. Still unbelievable?

 

Definitely need to shorten organization and expand background. I agree with every letter of every word of that last statement.

 

I'm glad you enjoy.

[sgtNACHO]

What happened to all the superstitious stuff?

 

Your beliefs section was alot shorter than I was hoping it would be!

[Tyrannicide]

Just at a glance, the Organization section is the longest in the article by far. That's never a good thing, and I suggest severely trimming that back, as we all know those basics.

[Telveryon]

Stannum Denarious held great respect amongst his marines and the populace of Charybdis, yet it was clear that he was still considered an outsider.

For once, a chapter master cannot be seen as a outsider by his own chapter, as for the general population, why would a space marine care how is he viewed by mere humans?

 

Disappointed, Denarious spoke with the Librarian from his own Cadre, as well as those from Charybids. One of them suggested Denarious go to town and speak to one of the fortune tellers. He told Denarious of the treasures on the sea floor, and how many were valuable relics.

Why would some of the greatest psykers (thus by extension, some of the greatest seers) of the Imperium direct their own chapter master to some second hand fortune teller which they are sworn to purge?

 

Thanking her, Denarious set out to find the helms. He spent a year searching the sea floor, until finally, he found them.

And how was he able to pull that off?

 

In the capitol city, he gathered all of his astartes, in addition to every planetary noble and renown artist, claiming he had a discovery for the ages. He walked to a table covered with a plain tarp, and with a swift motion of his arm he revealed the helms. Surprise and applause rose amongst the civilians and astartes alike. A Chapelain began to cheer “Denarious! Denarious!” and slowly the entire crowd followed. Denarious smiled and rose his hand to quite them, and obediently, they did. One by one, he selected ten leaders amongst the marines, and one by one they walked to Denarious, and one by one, they received one of the helms. He then turned to the Apothecaries, Chaplains, Librarians, and Techmarines from Charybdis, and to the most fit of each, he gave a helm. He called up the greatest warrior amongst Charybdis's stock, and handed him a helm. After each man was selected, thundrous applause rang through the crowd. Finally, Denarious himself took the final helm, the skull helm, and raised it high above his head, he then placed the helm upon his own head, cheering drowned out the noise of the cosmos as Denarious stood, victorious.

This bit is so casual and so unnecessary it would be unwise not to cut it...

 

The Magos visited the world several times during the Great Crusade. In those visits, he aided in the construction of several buildings, studied the floating islands, and during leisure time made many works of art, his most famous being the sixteen krake helms used by the chapter.

Art and the Mechanicus are two diametrically opposed things. The Mechanicus seek pure logic at the expense of emotion, art for the greatest part is the manifestation of emotion.

 

Charybdis has six satellites. Syclla Prime, Scylla Secundus, Scylla Tricus, Scylla Tetracus, Scylla Pentcus, and Scylla Hexcus. The moons all serve as gun platforms, they are operated by Adeptus Mechanicus Priests and Adepts. The satellite lasers have been in service since the mid years of the Great Crusade. They played a great role in defending the world from traitors during the Horus Heresy and in the past they have served to destroy many Ork rocks, obliterating entire Waaaghs before they could reach the Imperium.

This bit is tackiness made manifest. No world in the Imperium, save for Terra and maybe Macragge, has such an awesome orbital defense system, Rule number 2 of DIY writing: "awesome is not cool, people like only cool."

 

Every marine has a skull painted over their helmet to terrify the enemy.

In the 41st millennium a skull would scare a new born baby, let alone an ork or a necron...

 

In several campaigns against Greenskin forces, the Chapter needn't more than deploy for the Orks to be in full retreat.

Only the Flesh Tearers can claim that, general rule of the thumb, you're chapter is never cooler then official ones.

 

The Death Heads loosely follow the Codex Astartes. The Chapter maintains ten Great Companies, each varying in strength. The highest recorded number of marines comes from the Third Great Company, composing of some four hundred fully trained battle brothers and seventy neophytes. Since then no Great Company has never composed of more than three hundred marines and initiates. Each Great Company is a full fighting force and is responsible for its own recruitment. Despite this, the first company still serves as the veteran company, and the tenth as the neophyte company. Neither the first company or fourth company ever serve in combat alone, rather members are distributed among the various Great Companies. Neophytes usually stay with the Great Company they are first deployed to unto death, and veterans most often return to the Great Company they served with after their tour with the First Great Company.

Firstly, this isn't "loosely based", it's more like "totally against". The size of your chapter is somewhere around 3000 astartes. No inquisitor or High Lord of Terra worth his salt would tolerate such a chapter, the Black Templar are the notable exception and not the rule. There are some chapters out there that have a company or two more then the Codex stats but none have 3 times the number it recommends.

 

In addition to their own training, the recruits have a secondary duty in training PDF forces, and assisting the PDF in putting down criminals and illegal operations.

Putting down criminals and illegal operations isn't the job of scouts or PDF forces, it's the job of the Arbiters. You should never claim your chapter does the job reserved for another branch of the Imperium.

 

Unlike the recruits of other chapters who begin their battlefield training as scouts, Death Heads initiates already have their black carapace by the time they are deployed. Most initiates are given their power armor immediately and join assault squads. Assault squad sergeants number amongst the Chapter's greatest warriors, many have served in the First Great Company. Those marines who demonstrate greater talents in accuracy are often put into tactical squads as heavy weapon marines. Initiates are often hungry for glory after decades of serving as a police force on Charybids, because of this they are often reckless in hoping to prove themselves to their more venerable battle brothers.

 

...

 

Scout Squads are made up of the Chapter's Veterans. They are in fact a branch of the First Great Company. The Scouts are made up completely of volunteers from the Veteran Company and even then undergo extreme training in marksmanship and stealth. Scouts are the tip of the spear, often flanking enemy positions and setting down beacons for their battle brothers waiting in orbit.

 

...

 

Devastator Squads are formed completely of marines who have served in the First Great Company. It is accepted that Devastator marines are the single most venerable living battle brothers in the Chapter. They have often served as sergeants in Assault and Tactical squads, and many more have served amongst the scouts. It is not uncommon for these battle brothers to have centuries of experience and be heavily augmented. Devastators are almost always consulted by Captains before battles, for they rarely have less experience than the Captain.

Ok, now you're blatantly ripping off the Space Wolves. Taking inspiration form one of the Chapters of Legend is all well and good, but copy/pasting them with different colors isn't the best way to go about writing a cool and original chapter.

 

Tactical Dreadnought Armor is plentiful among the Chapter.

Terminator armor is never ever plentiful!

 

Due to close ties with the Mechanicus, the Death Heads have well over two hundred and fifty suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor. The first hundred marines of the First Great Company wears Tactical Dreadnought Armor, with other suits being distributed to the other Great Companies. Each Great Company boasts at least two squads of their own Tactical Dreadnought Armor, with each marine bearing it having hundreds of years of experience as well as having served the First Great Company.

And yet again the tackiness has reached the fan...

 

Artificer suit of Tactical Dreadnought Armor.

Terminator armor is artificer grade. There is no such thing as Artificer Terminator armor...

 

Every Honor Guard is given their own suit of armor, when the warrior dies every effort is made to reclaim the suit from the battlefield so that the armor may be ceremoniously placed in the Chapter's Fortress Monastery.

Assuming we ignore the previous made point... Allow me to see if I get this straight, they have these uber suits of Terminator armor that not even the Ultramarines can dream of, yet they have enough of them to bury their dead in it? You've been stretching things a quite a bit until this point, but this is just too much. The Ultramarines, who are one of, if not the best supplied chapter around and even they husband Terminator and Artificer armor with great care and pass them on to the best of their abilities, yet your chapter has enough uber Terminator armor to trow away every time a Honor Guard bites it?

 

The Death Head's secret reason for supporting the Inquisition is to keep the Chapter's true strength hidden, or should it be found out, ignored.

A chapter the size of your cannot be ignored and no amount of inquisitorial protection is going to save your chapter once the High Lords catch wind of that little fact. That's unless the Inquisition itself decides to act on the threat first...

 

There are a few general problems with the chapter as a whole. You focus too much on tacky gear and how improbably awesome they are and far to little on things that make them cool and interesting to read. In the Organization section you're ripping of the Space Wolves far to overtly but more importantly there isn't a single explanation as to why things are as they are, that's the first rule of DIY writing. My strong advice would be for you to read the Guide to DIYing as well as this little supplement we've concocted for it.

[Donkey Kong]

Harsh criticism.

 

Claims to fame. Beautiful. I love it. I would like to state mine now, and I will be editing the article today.

 

Everything I say, I do not mean to pick a fight, I only want to find reasoning in arguments.

 

"For once, a chapter master cannot be seen as a outsider by his own chapter, as for the general population, why would a space marine care how is he viewed by mere humans"

Explain. They're not his Chapter. The Chapter Master is a Silver Skull. His new marines are Death Heads.

Your statement is very similar to something like this: The Eagle Warriors and Aurora Chapter go together

like carrots and peas.

 

Why would a Space Marine care how the "mere" humans feel? My Chapter Cult actually

starts with what I feel is a very nice quote I made:

 

“Brothers, space marines, the Imperium of Man has fallen stagnant, yet humanity holds, and humanity holds strong! It is our duty to drive this Imperium forward, to conquer the stars in his name! Man shall rule the cosmos, and we among the astartes shall walk by their side!

- Chapter Master Stannum Denarious

 

The First Chapter Master. The fellow we're talking about, believes in humans, not Astartes, ruling the cosmos.

You're almost saying that the Salamanders are unfluffy. And lets not forget that one of my first descriptions of the Chapter Master

is actually that "he cared deeply for humanity"

 

Second quote, I'd direct you to "as well as those from Charybdis." I should probably edit it to make it so that it's those librarians who point him to the soothsayer.

Why are they sworn to purge a soothsayer. Is an Ultramarine patrolling a city going to rip a fortune teller, entertaining customers, in half?

"How was he able to pull it off"

Honestly, I dunno, and I agree that that needs to be expanded, thank you for pointing that out. Would it be more appropriate for him to just scrounge around naked, in power armor,

or in a vehicle of sorts?

 

"This bit is so casual and so unnecessary it would be unwise not to cut it..."

The origins? The importance of the helms? The unity of the outsider and his new Chapter? You tell me later importance, and while I agree that the whole paragraph is worded terribly, I disagree completely with you thinking it's unnecessary.

Let's look at it this way, Denarious found the helms. Fine, all well and good.

Later when we have Astos Narrick and Barbarossa, if the helm isn't anything important and is instead just some fancy hat, why would anyone care?

 

So, to be reworded.

 

"Art and the Mechanicus are two diametrically opposed things. The Mechanicus seek pure logic at the expense of emotion, art for the greatest part is the manifestation of emotion."

Ah,

 

"This bit is tackiness made manifest. No world in the Imperium, save for Terra and maybe Macragge, has such an awesome orbital defense system, Rule number 2 of DIY writing: "awesome is not cool, people like only cool.""

Tackiness, I'm confused. If I remember correctly, this version does include the fact that the world is bordering on the Ghoul Stars. So, on one end you have the moons being a rock floating in the middle of nowhere, just for the simple reason that everyone is scared out of their mind to touch them, or you have a chapter which says, "We can't just sit and defend, let's build something.

 

So, a capable defense system for an astartes world bordering on the edge of the galaxy with more greenskins than you can shake a stick out is being tacky. Luna is a gun base. Macragge is a system, to claim that one world with several moon guns is better defended than a system of planets almost makes me laugh. If Lexicanum is anything to go by, Macragee's fearsome defenses include two polar fortresses as well as . . . I wish I knew so that I could compare.

 

"In the 41st millennium a skull would scare a new born baby, let alone an ork or a necron..."

Terrible grammar.

"Only the Flesh Tearers can claim that, general rule of the thumb, you're chapter is never cooler then official ones."

Only the Flesh Tearers? Are you certain? I mean that honestly, and I don't want a reason summed up as "they're the only ones recorded to have made them run away."

Is that the Flesh Tearers' only claim to fame? Is being able to scare an ork being "cooler" than an official chapter?

 

I'll go back to one of my previous post,

"Orks fearing Chaos in the beginning of Dawn of War: Winter Assault. In addition Yarrick's bionic eye is supposed to work against Orks by winding itself into their superstition about the "killing eye." As much as the Orks love a good 'krumpin, if they get crushed time after time, eventually they're gonna realize that " 'Dem Mehreen boyz iz skery!""

 

So, clearly, in your opinion Yarrick is as badass as a Chapter of Space Marines /sarcasm. Now, let's be honest, scaring Orks, I'm not going to find the Imperial Guard Infantry Uplifting Primer to quote propaganda at you, let's look at it like this. There is a rowdy boy on your doorstep. You walk outside, and beat the living hell out of him with a cane. He comes back with his buddies and you beat the living hell out of all of them with a cane. The process is rinse and repeat until your hands are raw. Eventually rowdy boy is gonna realize, that fellow with the cane if tuff stuff.

 

Let's also look at how superstitious Orks are. Why are the Orks afraid of Yarrick's eye? Because the killing eye is part of their mythos.

God forbid that they have some fear of oblong rocks falling from the sky /sarcasm.

 

Organization, I agree. I can't help but agree. They don't follow the codex.

The neophytes will be edited to not be a policing force. I think that was another midnight idea gone awry.

 

Space Wolf rip off. I actually saw that coming since my second post, and if you want my honest opinion, I find your response rather rude.

"Gah COpypasta!" when my exact words in my second post were ""I'm worried that the Chapter may come off as too Space Wolf-ish, is this the issue. If so, how/ where can it be lessened?""

So, no, you couldn't say, "your organization is poorly thought out and seems like a complete rehash."

Instead you accuse me of "blatantly ripping off." I'm not telling you to sugar coat the truth, I'm telling you to be polite in your honesty, alternatively read, then criticize.

And if not, thank you for pushing the point.

 

So yes, organization and reasons.

 

Terminator armor is never plentiful. Alright, I want a serious debate about this one.

First things first, let's look at a majority of the first founding legions, we have a majority being Codex following, so fine.

Now, let's just start with the most obvious,

 

The Dark Angels. The Deathwing can equip every Marine with Terminator Armor, so

100 suits. In addition, they have suit for Captains, Librarians, and Chaplains.

Let's accept the fact that the Dark Angels have many Chaplains and Librarians, and work with this. Obviously, not all of them are

going to get a suit of Terminator Armor, however, let's work with the idea that the five active companies have suits for them,

So, 3 suits x 5 companies, 115 suits of Terminator armor, and I'd like to take that as a minimum for a seemingly CODEX

ADHERENT Chapter.

 

The Salamanders are another Chapter, however, they have a different organization. Six Companies, 120 marines. The First Company

is called the Fire Drakes. To my knowledge, the Fire Drakes are Salamander Veterans in Terminator Armor. So, yes, the Salamanders

are known for their forging ability, master crafted flamers and meltas, yes, so 120 suits of Terminator armor is feasible.

Back to the argument of Command, and I'll just use the Dark Angels one, 3 suits x 5 companies, 135 suits. But, still, the Salamanders

aren't a huge Chapter.

 

There is one number that is going to make or break this argument, and that number is the number of suits the Black Templars

have. The Black Templars number 6000 marines, that's double my total.

So, I think some estimation from the Black Templars would be something like:

6000 marines, Chapter organization is 100 Terminators per Thousand Marines, so, 600 suits?

Permitting it isn't just numbers pulled out of my butt.

 

In comparing them to Salamanders, I feel that an attachment to the Adeptus Mechanicus is an acceptable substitute for being master

forgers. As well as an enormous size. My exact number was 250 suits. So, my argument using both Dark Angels and Salamanders for command

used only the active companies, my chapter has no reserve company, all active. 10 x 3, minimum 30 command suits. I also believe I've

stated an excess in Chaplains to keep order. Every Company has 2 of their own Squads (5) of Terminator Armed Veterans. And the First Company

has 100 suits to themselves, even at a minimum it's 30 + 100 + (10 x 10), Well I'll be, 230. And that's my numerical minimum.

 

"Terminator armor is artificer grade. There is no such thing as Artificer Terminator armor..."

Off Lexicanum: "Only the greatest heroes are entitled to wear such armour on the battlefield, and when a Space Marine does it is often as a symbol of his martial prowess as well as protection, and may even be chosen over Terminator Armour if it is available."

Article: Artificer Armour.

 

I'm inclined to believe that your argument is invalid. And, no, in game, or in universe for that matter, Artificer Terminator Armor does not exist. However, Artificer Armor, as defined by Lexicanum, "is the name given to individualized and heavily modified suits of power armour." If Individualized and customized Terminator Armor tickles your fancy, then I'll be glad to change it for you.

 

"Assuming we ignore the previous made point... Allow me to see if I get this straight, they have these uber suits of Terminator armor that not even the Ultramarines can dream of, yet they have enough of them to bury their dead in it? You've been stretching things a quite a bit until this point, but this is just too much. The Ultramarines, who are one of, if not the best supplied chapter around and even they husband Terminator and Artificer armor with great care and pass them on to the best of their abilities, yet your chapter has enough uber Terminator armor to trow away every time a Honor Guard bites it?"

 

One thing I took into much consideration, honor guard. All well and good, yes, they're UBAR TERMINATOR ARMUR if that floats your boat. Now, how many Honour Guard do the ULTRAMARINES have? If I remember correctly, they have thirty. If I remember correctly, I have . . . fifteen. I also follow the very fluffy belief that Honor Guard don't die willy nilly, so, yes, fifteen suits of uber armor, for fifteen of the greatest warriors out of three thousand with several hundred years of experience, I'll be damned if "every time a Honor Guard bites it" is an acceptable term for one of them dying. There's a difference between any marine or neophyte dying and a Honour Guard dying.

 

So, your post has good, bad, and ungodly (horrible). Thank you. I agree with some, if not actually most, of what you say.

Organization is too large, reasons are needed, editing of organization is needed, editing and rewording are needed in places, etc.

However, on the other hand, I feel that tackiness seems to be some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder for you, a lot of which

has no basis. I'm not criticizing you as a person, in fact, I applaud most of your DIYs as well as your articles, however, basis when

making any point, unless a suggestion, is a necessity, especially for me. High School Debate Team. Go figure.

 

SgtNACHO, Darth Potato, I agree with both statements, and it will be edited.

 

I honestly intended to edit most of what was criticized, thanks for pointing out more, and emphasizing points, I find most of the new criticism useful, so, I'll take what I can to heart.

[Tyrannicide]

Something to remember while regarding the high numbers of TDA suits: your Chapter is not a First Founding Legion or one of the Chapters of Legend. It won't go over kindly making such rash comparisons to a First Founding member or another Chapter of much esteem.

 

Currently, you're just being lazy and not thinking beyond the box as to how your Chapter possesses two-hundred and fifty suits. Secondly why does your Chapter have to have so many suits? What does it even add to them? Because from a glance, it doesn't. Is it because you'd like to field a first Company force or some other hidden reason? I'm astounded by the amount of people in the Liber that try to include a first Company that can be fully suited in Terminator armor, or very large quantities of it. It doesn't make sense to me, when we know only a few of the First Founding Chapters can do such a thing. Terminator armor is rare, so why does everyone try to slip under this boundary? Your Chapter is not only endowed one hundred suits of TDA, it has another one hundred and fifty more as well! :o

[Donkey Kong]

True statements, all of them.

What character does 250 suits add. The idea behind these fellows was independence. Every group had what they needed, they had First and Tenth Company forces teaching/ learning. In addition there's the company's own hard hitting force.

 

It's funny how the statement being lazy goes around. If you think I'm lazy, so be it. However, in my opinion, being lazy would involve:

 

1. Not editing, which I have done and am doing.

2. Not debating, which I have done.

3. Giving up, which I have not done.

4. Giving reasons, which I have.

 

Another thing with the suits is to add to the idea of ties to the Mechanicus. Adding bionics only goes so far, adding them to the degree of Iron Hands and I've got another "COpypasta!"

Plus it adds the lack of Codex Organization, the biggest problem with this is the idea that they're Ultramarine successors.

 

I don't like starting arguments, I do like debating.

My chapter is not a Legion or Chapter of Legend, yes, you are correct, it is not. Saying otherwise would be foolish on my part.

However, and I do mean this, my chapter also isn't Codex Adherent, and while not an argument on its own, it does fashion the

idea of "how is it different" and while my "why" is lacking, my "what" is solid but still pliable.

 

The more and more awake I get, the more and more sane I get. 250 is a ludicrous number.

However, I do want the Terminators to show

 

To put simply, ties to the Mechanicus is something that isn't seen at a glance. At a glance they're green marines from a water world.

I like to dig, I like to throw tidbits for people who like to dig as well.

The Mechanicus has been with the world since the Great Crusade. The Chapter sends many talented initiates to Mars. It's there, but not

at a glance and honestly, I always felt that the "Here's my info, tear it apart" thing was for bullets before making the IA and then

throwing in gradually when writing.

 

I only have my reasons, and in my own opinion, it added a degree of character that these are the hard hitting marines who not only shock

but like the aftershock to hurt so much more.

 

Organization though . . . I honestly don't think I was thinking when I typed that conglomerate of Space Wolf.

[Tyrannicide]

You can add characteristics of independence, without having two hundred and fifty Terminators, as you seem to be beginning to understand now. Your Chapter's Companies could be much more independent from each other than a 'normal' Chapter would be. Think Iron Hands, their Companies are far more autonomous than most. They even go as far as recruiting their own aspirants and maintaining their own personal vehicles. The Death Heads could easily do something similar, just one of the ways you could promote that independence aspect. If you really like that concept, try looking at applying to other parts of the Chapter, not just the organization.

[Bad Monkey]

If Im honest the critic aint too harsh, but very direct. Take it on board,

 

The terminator suits he is pretty much spot on, unless you can justify sucha vast number of suits Id be tempted to leave them out.

 

"For once, a chapter master cannot be seen as a outsider by his own chapter, as for the general population, why would a space marine care how is he viewed by mere humans"

Explain. They're not his Chapter. The Chapter Master is a Silver Skull. His new marines are Death Heads.

Your statement is very similar to something like this: The Eagle Warriors and Aurora Chapter go together

like carrots and peas.

 

The Chapter master cannot stand as an outsider from his boys. YEs he started out as a silver Skull, however he is a Death's Head now. ANd it is round his leadership and guidence that your new chapter are formed. Yes they may grow past his first teachings as the chapter cult developes, but unless he dose somthing very very bad, he will always be revered as the daddy.

 

You're almost saying that the Salamanders are unfluffy. And lets not forget that one of my first descriptions of the Chapter Master

is actually that "he cared deeply for humanity"

 

ok

 

Killing radical inquisitors, agreed. Though, I wouldn't call it unbelievable, because some Chapters might do it right. Say a humanitarian Salamander Successor,

they'd be all for tearing some planet killing loony limb from limb.

 

Now that would be un...against the background (man i hate the f word), the salamanders might care a bit more about humanity than some other chapters but they would never be so foolish to tear an Inkywizardor limb from limb. they'd wind up getting tagged with the whole traitor tag, which while they might be a bit vouge at the minute...it aint half as trendy as the shiny loyalist buttons.

 

Is an Ultramarine patrolling a city going to rip a fortune teller, entertaining customers, in half?

 

If hes a unsanctioned psyker, yes. and probably burn the remains too.

 

"In the 41st millennium a skull would scare a new born baby, let alone an ork or a necron..."

Terrible grammar.

 

While the grammer might not be great, it harldy somthing that needs to be picked up on. this is your IA that we are trying to help.

I think the skull idea is a very good one to be fair, and one that should be built on. While i probably wont scare orks or necrons, it would a fair number of traiotor gaurd. After all, skulls are commonly ascoiated with death, and this is a fear that lurks at the back of people mind. Stay with the skulls motiff, even if it is an idea that my have been taken from the Night Lords terror markings. it also ties in with the chapters name.

 

So, a capable defense system for an astartes world bordering on the edge of the galaxy with more greenskins than you can shake a stick out is being tacky. Luna is a gun base. Macragge is a system, to claim that one world with several moon guns is better defended than a system of planets almost makes me laugh. If Lexicanum is anything to go by, Macragee's fearsome defenses include two polar fortresses as well as . . . I wish I knew so that I could compare.

 

You have a point, but so dose Tyrvon (sorry if i got your name wrong), I think the best way round this would be some form of alliance with the Navy in the sector, along with a number of orbital Gun bases.

 

However I gotta say, i disagree a little with the whole, your chapter cannot be as cool as canon. Why not? I see that there can be only one Calgar, and it would be a bit far fetched saying that your chapter single handedly cleased the EoT. There is no reason why this chapter has broken Orks into a rout, so long as it is done well. It might be better though if it is a specifc warband, create a nemisis for your Death Heads.

 

Sorry that went a little off topic, but got it back on.

 

On another point, I understand your wanting to theme these guys on pirates, but barbarossa? at least try and corru[pt it a little. USe RL pirate names instead of ones ripped straight from disney.

 

RL is always better than Hollywood. One thing I would suggest ith names is honorifics, eg Black Rossa, or Red . It was good enough for blackbeard and his buddies, and they were much more badass than anything Cap'n Jack Sparrow was involved in.

 

Hpope that was of use to ya.

 

Cheers

 

BAd Monkey

[Donkey Kong]

Darth, I've been trying to say that about the organization for a while. It's larger than everything else, and that's just wrong.

Basically I did include that each Company is responsible for their own recruitment in the Organization with neophytes.

I also included something similar with veterans, basically, they serve in the first company and return to their company of origin after.

That's the independence I want with the Great Companies, and for what I have, it fits, just expanding is needed.

 

I'm a buzz with how 250 terminators is the greatest criticism though. My oh my. And, in all honesty, debates against it are borderline humorous.

Reasons i assume people want a fully set company of Terminators is so that they can play it with their DIY colors.

I'm sure others want to have it have them to really amplify the fact that the Chapter is a bunch of walking tanks.

Or, in my case, to show an attachment to the Mechanicum without saying "My marines have bionic arms and legs and faces and stuff!"

 

I'd love to hear some peoples opinions of "The Gorgon and the Fay" in the third post. Basically the biggest internal conflict in the Chapter.

 

EDIT:

 

Sorry, Bad Monkey missed your post.

 

The terminator suits he is pretty much spot on, unless you can justify sucha vast number of suits Id be tempted to leave them out.

Agreed. Now that the biggie is out of the way . . .

 

The Chapter master cannot stand as an outsider from his boys. YEs he started out as a silver Skull, however he is a Death's Head now. ANd it is round his leadership and guidence that your new chapter are formed. Yes they may grow past his first teachings as the chapter cult developes, but unless he dose somthing very very bad, he will always be revered as the daddy.

 

I've seen the argument, but honestly I fail to grasp it. To me it's like the Commissar, he's an outsider in a position of command. Or rather, it's like the new kid on the block, he's cool, he's a leader, he comes and he becomes the head honcho in your group of friends. Sure, eventually he'll fit in, you may respect him, but if you're comfortable with your own group of friends and then another comes along, no matter how charismatic he is, he isn't one of your old friends.

 

This is one of the few things I'm going to be a stubborn jerkass about: Denarious proving himself is staying.

 

Now that would be un...against the background (man i hate the f word), the salamanders might care a bit more about humanity than some other chapters but they would never be so foolish to tear an Inkywizardor limb from limb. they'd wind up getting tagged with the whole traitor tag, which while they might be a bit vouge at the minute...it aint half as trendy as the shiny loyalist buttons.

Alright, maybe I'm just dumb, but let me throw my view out here. Radical Inquisitors, like all Inquisitors, are above the law. But if there is a psycho hanging out with aliens and daemons until they themselves start turning green and growing horns, it would be unwise to not kill him. Honestly, it's like that old statement you use with a disobedient child, "If he let you, would you punch him?" My answer to that statement was always yes, mind.

 

If hes a unsanctioned psyker, yes. and probably burn the remains too.

Is a soothsayer necessarily an unsanctioned psyker. Think the old fortune teller in the ally who reads your palm for some change.

The marines are supposed to be superstitious, honestly, I think that the soothsayer is appropriate.

 

I think the skull idea is a very good one to be fair, and one that should be built on. While i probably wont scare orks or necrons, it would a fair number of traiotor gaurd. After all, skulls are commonly ascoiated with death, and this is a fear that lurks at the back of people mind. Stay with the skulls motiff, even if it is an idea that my have been taken from the Night Lords terror markings. it also ties in with the chapters name.

 

Taken completely without shame, mind. Orks show fear. I'm sorry that I had to pull the same examples twice, but come on. And indeed, I think it would scare any traitorous thought back in line. Especially on a seven something fellow perfectly capable of killing you with his bare hands. And with the warband idea, that does sound good.

 

On another point, I understand your wanting to theme these guys on pirates, but barbarossa? at least try and corru[pt it a little. USe RL pirate names instead of ones ripped straight from disney.

RL is always better than Hollywood. One thing I would suggest ith names is honorifics, eg Black Rossa, or Red . It was good enough for blackbeard and his buddies, and they were much more badass than anything Cap'n Jack Sparrow was involved in.

 

My oh my, you've made me laugh. Or to be quite honest, cry. Barbossa is from Pirates of the Caribbean. Barbarossa is quite literally, Red Beard. and I've been asking for name suggestions for Strabo Barbarossa since the second post.

[Telveryon]

First and foremost I must apologize for my rudeness. Overly tacky things tend to bring the worst in my, but that's no excuse.

 

Explain. They're not his Chapter. The Chapter Master is a Silver Skull. His new marines are Death Heads.

Your statement is very similar to something like this: The Eagle Warriors and Aurora Chapter go together

like carrots and peas.

The Eagle Warriors and Aurora Chapter are two different chapters, a training cadre once sent to a new chapter, should it choose to stay becomes part of that chapter, they become one big enemies-of-the-Imperium slaughtering family by virtue of the gene-seed they share.

 

Why would a Space Marine care how the "mere" humans feel? My Chapter Cult actually

starts with what I feel is a very nice quote I made:

 

“Brothers, space marines, the Imperium of Man has fallen stagnant, yet humanity holds, and humanity holds strong! It is our duty to drive this Imperium forward, to conquer the stars in his name! Man shall rule the cosmos, and we among the astartes shall walk by their side!

- Chapter Master Stannum Denarious

The Salamanders are the most humane chapter out there, yet even they wouldn't give much of a toss if the people they help like them or not...

 

The First Chapter Master. The fellow we're talking about, believes in humans, not Astartes, ruling the cosmos.

All chapters want that, even though they have abandoned their humanity to achieve just that. The Astartes are the Emperor's Angels of Death, they share his blood, they both literally and figuratively head and shoulders above humans. Why would such beings seek acceptance from average humans when they are no longer of the same species?

 

Second quote, I'd direct you to "as well as those from Charybdis." I should probably edit it to make it so that it's those librarians who point him to the soothsayer.

What I meant was, why would the Librarians who are better "soothsayers" then just about any other human direct they chapter master to a lesser guide?

 

Honestly, I dunno, and I agree that that needs to be expanded, thank you for pointing that out. Would it be more appropriate for him to just scrounge around naked, in power armor,

or in a vehicle of sorts?

I'd go with a vehicle, it's the most plausible solution.

 

So, to be reworded.

Hmmm... I may have a been a bit hasty on them, rewording would work...

 

So, a capable defense system for an astartes world bordering on the edge of the galaxy with more greenskins than you can shake a stick out is being tacky. Luna is a gun base. Macragge is a system, to claim that one world with several moon guns is better defended than a system of planets almost makes me laugh. If Lexicanum is anything to go by, Macragee's fearsome defenses include two polar fortresses as well as . . . I wish I knew so that I could compare.

No, a space marine planet with a capable defense system is not tacky. However, a space marine planet with a defense system that rivals Terra's, is. Now, it's quite possible that that's not what you wanted to communicate, but that's the image I get by reading that bit... What I'm saying that you should reword it in such a way that it doesn't sound that awesome.

 

"In the 41st millennium a skull would scare a new born baby, let alone an ork or a necron..."

Terrible grammar.

Hey, I'm from Romania, I'm bound to slip up now and then...

 

Only the Flesh Tearers? Are you certain? I mean that honestly, and I don't want a reason summed up as "they're the only ones recorded to have made them run away."

Is that the Flesh Tearers' only claim to fame? Is being able to scare an ork being "cooler" than an official chapter?

 

I'll go back to one of my previous post,

"Orks fearing Chaos in the beginning of Dawn of War: Winter Assault. In addition Yarrick's bionic eye is supposed to work against Orks by winding itself into their superstition about the "killing eye." As much as the Orks love a good 'krumpin, if they get crushed time after time, eventually they're gonna realize that " 'Dem Mehreen boyz iz skery!""

Ok, I was a bit unclear in my earlier post, the Flesh Tearers are the only chapter to have made orks flee before the battle actually started. And yes, I'm quite positive they are they only ones. After a period of fighting any chapter can make orks flee, but at the start of the battle orks are for all intents and purposes fearless. Also, Dawn of War is probably the worst source of fluff out there, if in doubt, always refer to the codices

 

So, clearly, in your opinion Yarrick is as badass as a Chapter of Space Marines /sarcasm.

Actually, as an official GW character, Yarrick is officially more badass then all the chapters on these boards put together...

 

Now, let's be honest, scaring Orks, I'm not going to find the Imperial Guard Infantry Uplifting Primer to quote propaganda at you, let's look at it like this. There is a rowdy boy on your doorstep. You walk outside, and beat the living hell out of him with a cane. He comes back with his buddies and you beat the living hell out of all of them with a cane. The process is rinse and repeat until your hands are raw. Eventually rowdy boy is gonna realize, that fellow with the cane if tuff stuff.

Your argument is mitigated by the fact that orks have no fear of death, beat them 100 times and they'll still come back for more, it's the orky way.

 

Let's also look at how superstitious Orks are. Why are the Orks afraid of Yarrick's eye? Because the killing eye is part of their mythos.

God forbid that they have some fear of oblong rocks falling from the sky /sarcasm.

Put Yarrick before a mob of 30 orks and I can guaranty you his eye won't save him, same holds true for the falling rocks.

 

Space Wolf rip off. I actually saw that coming since my second post, and if you want my honest opinion, I find your response rather rude.

"Gah COpypasta!" when my exact words in my second post were ""I'm worried that the Chapter may come off as too Space Wolf-ish, is this the issue. If so, how/ where can it be lessened?""

I must apologize, I didn't read that post. My advice would be to drop most, if not all, the resemblances and try to differentiate your chapter through other means, like their beliefs. What I would strongly recommend is to get rid of the 3000 space marines bit it add nothing to the chapter other then make it better then just about every other chapter, it a symptom of MISS (Me I'm So Super as Apothete likes to call it) that's never good.

 

The whole Terminator Armor number bit

Well, Darth made a better point then I so, there's not need to nitpick

 

"Terminator armor is artificer grade. There is no such thing as Artificer Terminator armor..."

Off Lexicanum: "Only the greatest heroes are entitled to wear such armour on the battlefield, and when a Space Marine does it is often as a symbol of his martial prowess as well as protection, and may even be chosen over Terminator Armour if it is available."

Article: Artificer Armour.

 

I'm inclined to believe that your argument is invalid. And, no, in game, or in universe for that matter, Artificer Terminator Armor does not exist. However, Artificer Armor, as defined by Lexicanum, "is the name given to individualized and heavily modified suits of power armour." If Individualized and customized Terminator Armor tickles your fancy, then I'll be glad to change it for you.

Firstly, a wiki is a very poor place to get facts. Secondly, Artificer Armor is better then standard Power Armor, Artificer Terminator Armor implies a better type of Terminator Armor and there is no such thing as a, Terminator Armor is the best armor available to space marines.

 

One thing I took into much consideration, honor guard. All well and good, yes, they're UBAR TERMINATOR ARMUR if that floats your boat. Now, how many Honour Guard do the ULTRAMARINES have? If I remember correctly, they have thirty. If I remember correctly, I have . . . fifteen. I also follow the very fluffy belief that Honor Guard don't die willy nilly, so, yes, fifteen suits of uber armor, for fifteen of the greatest warriors out of three thousand with several hundred years of experience, I'll be damned if "every time a Honor Guard bites it" is an acceptable term for one of them dying. There's a difference between any marine or neophyte dying and a Honour Guard dying.

The only chapter that has enough suits of Terminator armor to bury its dead in it are the Grey Knights, like it no or not, Terminator Armor of any kind is far to valuable to waste on burial.

 

So, your post has good, bad, and ungodly (horrible).

Sorry about those ungodly parts, I'm only human after all and thus prone to failings.

 

However, on the other hand, I feel that tackiness seems to be some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder for you, a lot of which has no basis.

It's not a personal thing, it's the boards. When I joined I was much like you, my initial version of the Golden Defenders was ever tackier then your chapter and now look at me.

 

I've seen the argument, but honestly I fail to grasp it. To me it's like the Commissar, he's an outsider in a position of command. Or rather, it's like the new kid on the block, he's cool, he's a leader, he comes and he becomes the head honcho in your group of friends. Sure, eventually he'll fit in, you may respect him, but if you're comfortable with your own group of friends and then another comes along, no matter how charismatic he is, he isn't one of your old friends.

I'll accentuate a point a bit. Space marines with the same gene see share actual DNA, the DNA of the Primarch which makes them literally brother.

 

This is one of the few things I'm going to be a stubborn jerkass about: Denarious proving himself is staying.

Then you risk having a conceptually flawed chapter, my advice would be to try and go in a different direction.

 

Alright, maybe I'm just dumb, but let me throw my view out here. Radical Inquisitors, like all Inquisitors, are above the law. But if there is a psycho hanging out with aliens and daemons until they themselves start turning green and growing horns, it would be unwise to not kill him. Honestly, it's like that old statement you use with a disobedient child, "If he let you, would you punch him?" My answer to that statement was always yes, mind.

The fact is that only the Inquisition is allowed to police the Inquisition, they would not tolerate any outside intervention.

 

Is a soothsayer necessarily an unsanctioned psyker. Think the old fortune teller in the ally who reads your palm for some change.

The marines are supposed to be superstitious, honestly, I think that the soothsayer is appropriate.

If the soothsayer is not a psyker, then the Librarian would make far better guides since they can actually see the future to some extent, definitely better then palm reading.

 

Taken completely without shame, mind. Orks show fear. I'm sorry that I had to pull the same examples twice, but come on. And indeed, I think it would scare any traitorous thought back in line. Especially on a seven something fellow perfectly capable of killing you with his bare hands. And with the warband idea, that does sound good.

As I've mentioned before, orks are have no fear of death (from Codex: Necrons) and in large mobs are totally fearless (Codex: Orks), Now, you can't argue with the codex now can you?

[Donkey Kong]

Telveryon, thank you for your insight, to be honest, I wasn't exactly kind in response, so, please accept my humble apology.

I see a hole in your argument with Eagle Warriors and Aurora ;) Behold, Ultramarine Geneseed both.

 

I think every argument I made with the Salamanders is so full of holes it's ridiculous. Still it's a humane feel that I wanted to give the Chapter. The world is civilized, having the big space men come from the sky and tell them what to do, even if they are the Emperor's Angels of Death would probably be a huge slap across the face.

 

Maybe it'd be better said like this: the new kid on the block wants to show the others he's just like them.

 

My interpretation of soothsayers/ fortune tellers or what have you, that they read tidbits of information. Someone who gives advice, you know? So, while your Librarian would be perfectly capable of giving battlefield strategy and predicting the outcome of a battle, it's the human who is going to give you advice to earn respect. Even more so, the Librarians are psykers, so they're not going to be running around on the surface (and to clear that statement up before confusion develops, they don't live under water and breathe through gills). So they're not going to have all the little tidbits that a mortal human would.

 

A vehicle, alright, I'll keep it all in mind. Thank you for the suggestion, though I still find Denarious going deep see treasure hunting in a pair of slacks ala Water World humorous.

 

The defense system, well this is going to be a difficult one to edit. See, the world was Charybdis, having six moons called Scylla was a little poke at the Odyssey. I also thought having one Waaagh where each moon took out an average - small Ork space hulk/ rok as it passed cute.

 

Sorry, I forget people are from other parts of the world from time to time. My bad.

 

Ok, I was a bit unclear in my earlier post, the Flesh Tearers are the only chapter to have made orks flee before the battle actually started. And yes, I'm quite positive they are they only ones. After a period of fighting any chapter can make orks flee, but at the start of the battle orks are for all intents and purposes fearless. Also, Dawn of War is probably the worst source of fluff out there, if in doubt, always refer to the codices

 

Probably the best bet. And I believe you. I actually think this is turning against this one, though I do like the idea of the Marines having a reputation with the Orks. And, no, I don't mean bodies or loot. Combined with

Bad Monkey's idea of a adversary among the Orks would also be good, I think.

 

So, we're in agreement, Yarrick is a badass

 

MISS, I rather like that acronym, and it's meaning is cute, if I do say so myself.

Getting rid of 3000 marines, and working from there. Well they started out as

codex adherent, only in this version did that change.

 

As far as Space Wolf organization goes, I never liked the idea that "the

initiates are so valuable, put them with the devastators first!" However, the Space Wolf way, let close combat weed them out, I liked. I tried to balance this with the idea that the Chapter Recruits pretty often.

 

You're right about everything you said with Terminator Armor

You and Darth Potato, number decrease.

Honor Guard Armor - to be changed to excellently crafted and passed down

 

The ungodly horrible bits were fixed, so it's all good.

 

Agreed with the Inquisition bit.

And the conclusion with the Inquisition bit is that: I am indeed dumb.

 

No, I cannot. But Orks fear the Flesh Tearers ;) and . . .

Clearly reading this Telveryon's expression is something like this: :rolleyes:

 

I'll take your criticism and say, cheers, good sir.

 

EDIT:

 

An idea that I have, it's going back to Space Wolf ideas, but I've honestly been using them as a basis so I really don't care anymore: Each Company has heraldry along with the overall Chapter Heraldry.

One idea is the Earth Breakers, it's the First Company's mark and the heraldry is of the Chapter Krake tearing a world in half.

 

I figure this can add to the independence aspect as well as give a fun little thing for people to suggest. And, yes, Earth Breakers is supposed to be a play on Poseidon being the Earth Shaker.

[Telveryon]

I see a hole in your argument with Eagle Warriors and Aurora ;) Behold, Ultramarine Geneseed both.

And Ultramarine companies have been lead by captains from other chapter with next to no friction. If the Ultramarines themselves had no issue with being lead by outsiders why doesn't your chapter accept the leadership of someone who not only shares their gene-seed as well as their heraldry and chapter name? Not accepting the appointed chapter master is tantamount to insubordination, something next to inconceivable for a space marine.

 

I think every argument I made with the Salamanders is so full of holes it's ridiculous.

Really? And what would those holes be?

 

Still it's a humane feel that I wanted to give the Chapter.

Humane is one thing, being nice is another. Humane for a space marine means holding off the ork horde so that a refugee camp it its path can be evacuated or not blowing that camp up should it be overrun. Going on a years long quests just to earn the approval of some humans isn't being humane, it's being nice and there is no such thing as nice marines.

 

The world is civilized, having the big space men come from the sky and tell them what to do, even if they are the Emperor's Angels of Death would probably be a huge slap across the face.

Actually it wouldn't. Space marines are the Emperor's chose, His blood flows through their vanes. Having a chapter of his Angels of Death show up and start bossing people around would not be seen as a slap across the face but rather a gift from the Emperor Himself.

 

Maybe it'd be better said like this: the new kid on the block wants to show the others he's just like them.

This comparison oh so wrong!

 

My interpretation of soothsayers/ fortune tellers or what have you, that they read tidbits of information. Someone who gives advice, you know? So, while your Librarian would be perfectly capable of giving battlefield strategy and predicting the outcome of a battle, it's the human who is going to give you advice to earn respect.

An average space marine knows more about respect that most could ever hope to dream of. A chapter master doesn't need to prove himself, he's already proven himself or else he wouldn't have the job.

 

Even more so, the Librarians are psykers, so they're not going to be running around on the surface (and to clear that statement up before confusion develops, they don't live under water and breathe through gills).

Call me a pillock, but I still didn't get that...

 

So they're not going to have all the little tidbits that a mortal human would.

And what tidbits would a human have that a consumed diplomat with centuries of experience juggling the whims of the Imperium's institutions, that is a chapter master, doesn't? Even if the librarians don't hold the answer, a chapter master should be able to find the answer on his own. If not, then he's not a very good chapter master...

 

The defense system, well this is going to be a difficult one to edit. See, the world was Charybdis, having six moons called Scylla was a little poke at the Odyssey. I also thought having one Waaagh where each moon took out an average - small Ork space hulk/ rok as it passed cute.

You're heading in the right way. Having your planet's defense system acquit well against a WAAAGH! or two is fine, having it blow up WAAAGH!-s almost as an afterthought is not.

 

As far as Space Wolf organization goes, I never liked the idea that "the

initiates are so valuable, put them with the devastators first!" However, the Space Wolf way, let close combat weed them out, I liked. I tried to balance this with the idea that the Chapter Recruits pretty often.

Firstly, initiates and bloodclaws are two different things. An initiate is a full blown battle brother that has already finished his tenure in the scout company, bloodclaws on the other hand are the equivalent of scouts who are yet to prove themselves. Secondly, bloodclaws are used as assault elements as they are far too headstrong and impetuous to do anything else. The scouts of most, if not all other chapter are much more level headed and thus they don't need tempering in close combat.

 

An idea that I have, it's going back to Space Wolf ideas, but I've honestly been using them as a basis so I really don't care anymore: Each Company has heraldry along with the overall Chapter Heraldry.

One idea is the Earth Breakers, it's the First Company's mark and the heraldry is of the Chapter Krake tearing a world in half.

Well, it's your chapter , you can do whatever you wish with it, I for one would like more diversity, a bit more uniqueness.

[Donkey Kong]

Telveryon, before I respond, I must thank you. In retrospect this is the best criticism I've had. Complete hole poking madness, and it's truly beautiful work. Thank you.

 

Also, you're a pillock :P .

 

My Salamanders arguments disregarded the fundamental thing: They're Space Marines. Yes, they spend time with their families on their homeworld, but when all is said and done, the black skinned, red eyed monster men are the Emperor's Angels of Death. Sure, they're humane enough to say, "Mr. Inquisitor, don't blow up the refugee camp please :3" but, phooy, if Mr. Inquisitor does anyway, they may pout, but I doubt they're gonna be homicidal about it, especially to the Inquisitor.

 

I hate being proven wrong, but you and everyone else is right, and I am indeed not standing with you.

 

Humane: You're right, though I don't see the year quest as being, nice. It's more like dedicated, or to a fairer degree to a superhuman who can force the world into obedience: stupid.

 

On a closely related, but not, other note, I can't help but feel that a hilarious idea for a techno-barbarian world would be marines coming and saying

"Eh, we're gonna recruit from you :3"

And then the weeaboo planetary governor says

"Hahahaha No!"

Marines try to take the world by force, the world nukes itself into oblivion, and then the marines recruit from the fellows living in the fallout shelters.

. . . Joke army perfection, in my humble opinion. ^_^

And to another degree, if played right, completely awesome. With this being a joke version of the awesome. This is not something I'm going to do with this chapter, but shame if you don't like it for the giggles.

 

This comparison oh so wrong!

 

I disagree with you, good sir, but, that's my opinion. Actually, in all fairness, that is precisely what my argument has been: the new kid proving himself to everyone who has been around since forever. Though, my argument doesn't exactly work. So, you win on Denarious. I need to edit that whole bit now.

 

Call me a pillock, but I still didn't get that...

 

I guess something must have gotten lost in translation :blush: . Still the statement was about finding out about the helms. Humans living on the world learn tidbits about their history. So, the soothsayer would know about some artifacts that some magos or other made god knows how long ago. But psykers are effectively insane, he's not going to be standing out in the open. The bit about gills was a play on the idea it's a water world. He's not going to be running around on the surface, but he's still not going to be fish-man. It's all irrelevant now though.

 

So, to be edited.

 

You're heading in the right way. Having your planet's defense system acquit well against a WAAAGH! or two is fine, having it blow up WAAAGH!-s almost as an afterthought is not.

 

In all fairness, Waaaghs vary greatly in size, but you're still right. Rewording would work best here. I assume saying that they blow up roks, space hulks, or even sometimes large warbands would be more appropriate.

 

Firstly, initiates and bloodclaws are two different things. An initiate is a full blown battle brother that has already finished his tenure in the scout company, bloodclaws on the other hand are the equivalent of scouts who are yet to prove themselves. Secondly, bloodclaws are used as assault elements as they are far too headstrong and impetuous to do anything else. The scouts of most, if not all other chapter are much more level headed and thus they don't need tempering in close combat.

 

Then that's a terrible mistake on my part. ;) So . . . if you can clarify, which one is the scout? The neophyte? and which one is the one selected to undergo scout training? Just a trainee or is that a neophyte as well? Thank you for clarifying that. And no, not necessarily all, basically I wanted a copy of blood claws. The scouts dumped straight in power armor and told "You think you're tough stuff? Prove it."

 

And, if it seems like copying Space Wolves, to some degree it is, but it also includes my own "pirate" theme, basically, the new boy is expendable, don't worry if he falls overboard, we can always get a new one.

 

Well, it's your chapter , you can do whatever you wish with it, I for one would like more diversity, a bit more uniqueness.

 

I agree with you, but honestly, earlier drafts were much better than this finalized one, in fact many of my decisions were absolute garbage. Like I said in some other posts, coming up with stuff at one in the morning is not wise, ever, unless done with ample amounts of caffeine (which I lacked) or solid foundations (which I had to a degree, it was more of a leaning tower). If you'd take a look here: http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...howtopic=160514 you can sort of see how they were built up.

 

Also, it's not unique, in idea or to the Space Wolves, to have different names for different companies. Multiple things come to mind, the Deathwing and Ravenwing, the Space Wolves Great Companies, The Black Templar Crusades,

 

It's just a little fun expanded fit for me, which with the pirate background I find very fluffy.

 

Now, I need to get editing, I hope to have the fixed version up by the end of this weekend. Thank you. Also, if you could tear apart the section in the third post, The Gorgon and the Fay, you'd be a great help. Thank you my critic, may you continue tearing apart my IA with as much zeal as you do today.

[Donkey Kong]

The Homeworld and Battlefield Doctrine have been edited. The homeworld only has slight changes, mostly to do with the world's defenses. Also, the Cult and Organization have been removed until I can edit them, they're really just annoying now, especially since I see all their flaws thanks to the criticism.

 

For organization, I think something like this:

 

First Company is the Veteran Company

Nine other companies are active following Codex organization, 6 tac, 2 assault, 2 dev. The scouts are . . . not, they're like blood claws. I like this, and to me it fits pirate mentality. The Two assault squads are "veteran" assault squads, just to clarify. The scouts, I don't know how I should limit them, suggestions?

 

Each of the Companies has their own recruits, so they start out with the "blood claws" and they go on through the Company, if they're good enough they join the First Company.

 

Also, please read and comment on The Gorgon and the Fay if you can, I want to hear some criticism about that.

Suggestions I need are:

Alternate names for Barbarossa

Anything you think is worthwhile

[sgtNACHO]

You should call your "blood Claws" Red Shirts! ^_^

 

Or maybe something more subtle? Perhaps New Bloods? Sounds Pirate-y doesn't it?

 

I'm still waitin' on the superstitious nonsense! and Where are my Anchors? ;) :)

 

Name Barbarossa "Captain Arios" Because who says he needs a special name? If you must have a special name. Name him Gaston Tussaud He is the Captain of the Pirate ship in TED 4 Oblivion!

[Donkey Kong]

All in good time, my friend. End of this weekend, I assure you.

 

Barbarossa -> Arios . . . it sounds nice, but don't forget his hunter is Astos Narrick. Arios and Astos are a little to close for my liking. Tussaud though . . . I like it ;)

 

Does Gaston sound better than Strabo? Strabo Tussad. sgtNACHO you've made a solid suggestion.

[Donkey Kong]

Well, Chapter Cult is up . . . in its rough stages. Anchor and all.

 

While I feel like I'm repeating myself, The Gorgon and the Fay. Please read and comment.

 

Most important bit, take a stab at which is which, ie, one is the Gorgon, one is the Fay.

[sgtNACHO]

Worry not, Fret not!

 

I have read the Gorgon and the Fay, although I don't feel like guessing whom is whom (It is a tad late) I'll try to throw in some C&C

 

Gellar field began to fail. Daemons began to pour into the ship from the Immaterium. Barbarossa's marines fought tooth and nail

 

I don't think this is how the warp works. feel free to prove me wrong. The gellar field helps shield you from daemons 1, and helps to stabilize the warp 2. I thought that if your Gellar field should fail 1 The warp would become almost impossibly hard to navigate, and 2: The Daemons would just ripp you apart. No fighting, no visual enemies to confront, just a sudden blast of light then death. I figured that there are so many Daemons they simply fill the non-warp material and ingest it like a tyranid, making it one with the warp.

Like I said I may be totally wrong.

 

For nearly half a century, Barbarossa and his marines fought on and off against the marines

 

Do you mean fought Daemons?

 

Fighting for 50 years against the unstoppable might of Warp Daemons, IN THE WARP! That sounds illogical by even your standards of actually being able to fight. There are so many Daemons they could simply walk in through the battleplates and flood the whole ship in Warp tainted foulness!

 

...

 

Does this whole experience change some of the Death Heads' views on Mutation? Are tere pre-existing views on mutation? Does this "conflict" affect this Chapter deeply? or is it simply another little squabble waiting to be resolved?

 

Determined to kill Barbarossa for standing between him and his honor, Narrick set off into the Ghoul Stars with his Marines. The treasure, and all its glory would be his.

 

Would a chapter Master really let not one company of half mutant/bionics plus some normies from the 4th, but another company of marines into the Ghoul Stars? All over one of these helms? I mean they are treasure hunters (slightly) but would he really allow such a "waste" of manpower over these "attempts at granduer" I think a Chapter Master would think a little more logically then that.

 

...

 

 

So there you go, theres some questions regarding The Gorgon and the Fay! Happy Now! ;)

[Donkey Kong]

My information on the gellar fields has basically been from BL books (as unreliable as they are *sigh*) and Lexicanum. I don't have any codex to reference. And unfortunately the BL book I have to reference is Battle for the Abyss. So, maybe it could be changed to sections of the shield begin to fail? I see what you mean, with the Daemons just ripping the ship apart.

 

Second bit . . . terrible typo on my part. Horrendous, terrible, shameful typo. *Even by my standards* *ahem* *drill sergeant voice* You questioning my crippled marines, boy? In other words, Barbarossa's company needs to be buffed in strength. I agree, unfortunately that was made still with the *Great Company of 300* idea, doesn't work out now. I figure having just wary marines would be suitable for the feeling. Also the time frame may need to be changed, how long would it take for mutations to occur? If BftA is to be believed, a couple hours. But I guess saying a year would still be horrendous. *Way to cut your number by 49 KHK, you're a genius!* /sarcasm + laughter ensues.

 

I guess the *stain on their honor* was lost somewhere. Plus, if they're in the Ghoul Stars, they're still fighting Orks. And it's not the helm, but Barbarossa, or Tussuad, or Thussaud (actually how I'm pronouncing it, since Tu sound like Two to me when said and Two = Too = Too Sad = undeniable laughter). And you think Chapter Masters have to be logical? For all I've written this one Chapter Master could have had a rivalry with Thussaud and when he gets the chance to confirm he's dead he gets the Chapter's best to go off and rip him a new one. He could be killed and replaced a couple days after Narrick sets off too.

 

My happiness is debatable. but thanks for asking :lol: .

 

Time to make edits, I guess.

 

EDIT: Here we are.

 

The Gorgon and the Fay

 

S

econd Company Captain Strabo Thussaud's name has become synonymous with many things among the Death Heads: hero, traitor, coward, but most of all, sacrifice. Strabo Thussaud was one of the most respected Captains in the Chapter, his tally of deeds and victories even challenging First Captain Tobulo's.

 

And yet, in the end he could not escape his fate. After completing a Campaign in a neighboring system, Thussaud's forces worn and weary. When disaster struck, he was not prepared.

 

Mid transit through the warp, sections of Thussaud's Strike Cruiser's Gellar field began to fail. Daemons began to pour into the ship from the Immaterium. Thussaud's marines fought tooth and nail as his Techmarine worked frantically to repair the field. The shock of the warp had killed the ship's navigator, leaving the Company Librarian to navigate the ship through the raging warp. For almost two years, Thussaud and his marines fought on and off against the daemons, as the Techmarine repaired the Gellar fields only for them to fail, again and again.

 

As time passed, the marines began to feel the effects of the warp. Many developed mutations, arms became even more muscular, or turned into tentacles. Others developed weapons where once they had hands. Thussaud himself had both his legs mutate into irreconcilable masses of muscle. Many took to unceremoniously amputating their limbs with combat knives when away from fighting, much to the distaste of the Company Apothecary who was forced to clean up poor cuts so that bionics could be attached without causing problems. While a majority of marines took to bionics, including Thussaud, others kept their mutations to better combat the daemons.

 

When they reemerged into real space, they were before Charybdis. Barely half of his marines had survived the conflict. Thussaud's friend and battle brother, Captain Filo Howl of the Fourth Company was stationed on Charybdis at the time of his arrival. Howl and a team of veterans boarded Thussaud's ship. As they walked through the corridors of the vessel they found the mangled corpses of mutated and modified marines. Upon reaching the bridge, Howl came face to face with Thussaud. He saw his fellow captain, his armor worn and battered. Even his masterfully crafted Krake helm bore uncountable scars.

 

Thussaud begged his fellow Captain to let him leave, lest the other Captains hear of his appearance and wish to cleans him and his mutated kin from the ranks of the Death Heads. He wished to die as he felt an Astartes should, on the battlefield, fighting the enemies of the Emperor. Reluctantly, Howl allowed Thussaud to take command of one of the older strike cruisers present on the world. In addition to this, many marines from Howls own ranks volunteered themselves to join Thussaud's death crusade. As Thussaud's forces set sail into the Ghoul Stars, Howl knew that this would be the last time he saw his brother.

 

A century later, Thussaud's crusade still bothered many among the Chapter. Several Captains were passionately opposed to the idea of a mutant fighting for the Emperor with his corrupt and traitor kin. Other Captains simply felt that Thussaud should be left to his fate, ultimately, the Chapter Master made his own decision. He selected the most prideful, capable, and zealous warriors of the Chapter, they were to be headed the proudest of them all, Astos Narrick. Narrick was to be shaped into a spear, thrown from the Chapter Master himself, and its target, none other than Strabo Thussaud. The Chapter Master made Narrick Commander of the reformed Second Company, with extreme emphasis on his modified title. Outraged by this, Narrick demanded to rank Captain, and when the Chapter Master refused time after time, Narrick demanded to know how he could earn the title. The demand was the Chapter Master's key, and the answer was the Krake Helm on the mutant Thussaud's unholy head.

 

Determined to kill Thussaud for standing between him and his honor, Narrick set off into the Ghoul Stars with his Marines. The helm, and all its glory would be his.