FerrumIgnatus Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 My fellow brothers, I have come to realize that many fanfiction based on titans are head-on, behemoth-clashing stories of mass destruction, and although they give the odd nerdgasm now and then, I've come to the conclusion where I -though it pains me to say this- am fed up with it, so I give myself the task of tackling the Titan-based fanfiction on a different -and hopefully- hilarious approach. So, with no further ramblings about how and why, I present to you; The God-Machines Walk! Narrator -obviously me-: Our story begins on the war-torn Forge World of Technicus Alpha 9, situated on the outskirts of the Eye of Terror, where the Titan Legions of the Emperor fight the dreaded Traitor Titan Legions. We soar over ash wastes, littered with burned out wrecks of tanks. Smoke rises from somewhere in the distance, and a lone Warlord Titan of the Warp Runners is slowly marching over the ash dunes that make out most of the terrain of this arid surface... Princeps Hoare: Moderati, any sign of enemy engines? Moderati Riz: <makes no sign of having heard the princeps, and continues to look at his main screen> Princeps Hoare: MODERATI! Moderati Riz: Huh? What, my Princeps? Princeps Hoare: Moderati, I asked if there were any signs of enemy engines? Why did you not respond at once? Moderati Riz: I...uh...My Princeps, I... Princeps Hoare: <accesses the mainframe and looks what's on the Moderati's screen> Moderati, what am I looking at? Moderati Riz: Uh... a warpsite that containes stylish and personalised upgrades for a Warlord Titan, my Princeps... Princeps Hoare: WHILST we are executing a walk? Moderati Riz: Well, my Princeps, I thought I might as well order some parts now so we could see them fitted to Ol' Imperio when we returned to the refitting silo's... Princeps Hoare: Parts? What kind of parts? Improved sensors? Upgraded targetting arrays? Moderati Riz: Ah, actually, no, my Princeps... Princeps Hoare: Explain yourself, Moderati! Steersman Bob: My Princeps, I believe Moderati Riz is ordering parts on the Mars Parts Warlord accessories warpsite. Princeps Hoare: The what? Steersman Bob: Mars Parts Warlord accessories, my Princeps. They have everything, chrome sunvisors, groin light bars, back-up lights, mudflaps, even chromed exhausts! Princeps Hoare: Can the Adeptus Mechanicus even afford to produce these, even in war? Techpriest Christopher: You would be surprised how many Princeps personalise their Warlords, my Princeps. The Adeptus Mechanicus earns billions on these accessories! Princeps Hoare: I will not allow some useless part to be integrated with the frame of Ol' Imperio Ol' Imperio: Princeps Hoare, I would rather fancy some of those Mars Parts Warlord accessories. I believe a full make-over would be acceptable. Techpriest Christopher: See, my Princeps? Even the mighty God-Machine himself yearns to be outfitted with some personalised parts. Steersman Bob: Yeah, I would love to have a skull-shaped shifter knob with eyeholes that light up with red LED's! Moderati Riz: And, my Princeps, a refrigerator would be nice as well. I am tired of this body-heath warmed up nutrient fluids... Princeps Hoare: <groans> For the love of the Emperor, Lord Hekate would turned in his grave if he could hear you now. Ol' Imperio: Well, he doesn't. Now, can we pick up speed? I want to be upgraded with some chromed parts right after we've returned to my refitting silo Princeps Hoare: <massages his temple and thinks for himself> They don't make Warlords as they used to any more... Ol' Imperio: Princeps Hoare, we are linked together by the MIU. I CAN read your thoughts, you know... Princeps Hoare: Oh, shut it... Well, that's it for now! Don't miss next episode, where Ol' Imperio gets a make-over of the chromed kind! FI Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Hunter Ydalir Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 This gave me a good chuckle, well done. I'd like to read more! Moderati Riz: And, my Princeps, a refrigerator would be nice as well. I am tired of this body-heath warmed up nutrient fluids... :rolleyes: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2146305 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firenze Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 This made me laugh. I love it! MOAH! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2147436 Share on other sites More sharing options...
FerrumIgnatus Posted October 11, 2009 Author Share Posted October 11, 2009 Hello fellow bretheren, Now it's time for another episode of The God-Machines Walk! Enjoy the read and have a few chuckles :pinch: The God-Machines Walk! Narrator: The Warlord "Ol' Imperio" has finally made it back to the refitting silo's at the imperial-held forge of Arch-Magos Peterbilt, and is now resting in its protective berth. swarms of servitors sporting various power tools scurry around the massive War Engine, under the watchfull eyes of Techpriest Christopher. Servitor Frank: <operates the controles of a crane that lowers a massive chromed sunvisor in place over the admantium brow of the Ol' Imperio.> Lowering Adeptus Mechanicus accessories part alpha-omega seven-nine-two Techpriest Christopher: Proceed... with caution, do mind. Servitor Frank: As you command, Techpriest. Techpriest Christopher: Servitor Adam and John, attach the sunvisor to the Ol' Imperio's brow, and for Deus' sake, don't dent it! <two servitors walk out to the edge of the Ol' Imperio's head and begin bolting the sunvisor in place with their power tools whilst Princeps Hoare walks towards Techpriest Christopher> Princeps Hoare: Progress report on the upgrades, Techpriest? Techpriest Christopher: <looks down on his pic-slate> Estimated completion of upgrade: 24 hours 35 minutes and 46 seconds, my Princeps. Flame decor painting has already been completed, together with the addition of an eight-ball on every front shin armour plating. Mud flaps on the heels have yet to be mounted and bolted in place, and the chromed exhaust nozzles have also been installed. All in all, we're ahead of shedule by 3 hours, 21 minutes and 4 seconds. Princeps Hoare: Actually, when I look at the Ol' Imperio now, those upgrades actually make him more awesome then he already is with the Codex paintjob delivered from the Warp Runners Paintshop. Techpriest Christopher: Aye, doesn't he? and I bet my servo skull the ol' heap of death-bringing metal likes it himself. Moderati Riz: Have they installed the refrigerator yet, Techpriest Christopher? Techpriest Christopher: Installed and cooling a dozen six-packs of Guiness as we speak, Moderati. Moderati Riz: Wonderful! No more tasteless paste for this Moderati! Princeps Hoare: I am still astounished that you actually managed to hold Guiness in the refrigerator, Moderati Riz... Moderati Riz: I just happen to know a guy who has a friend who's cousin works for a guy that just happens to be a good friend with the fabricator marshall of Technicus Alpha-Nine... Princeps Hoare: You have your contacts, huh? Moderati Riz: I just play illegal Carnifex Bull Fights. My Carnifex Chilli Con Carne is one of the high-ranking fighting machines in this illigal league, and you can say I make most of my contacts there. Techpriest Christopher: Illegal Carnifex Bull Fights? How do you manage to smuggle those bio-engineered killing machines to this forge? Moderati Riz: Oh, THAT'S so simple a one year old could pull it off. We simply list them as Titan Targeting Practice targets on our import lists. Has gotten a bit harder to pull off since the Anphelion IV incident, but hey, it's the grim darkness of the present nowadays anyways. Princeps Hoare: Moderati, for this, I'll recommend you to Warhound princepture when this war is over. Moderati Riz: Are you sure, My Princeps? You will be hearing a heap of "Who let the dogs out" jokes from me then. Princeps Hoare: If you do that, I might fire Ol' Imperio's "Lucy" on you and enlist your warhound on the roster as negative impact... Moderati Riz: I'll keep that in mind, my Princeps. Techpriest Christopher: <chuckles> Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2147450 Share on other sites More sharing options...
FerrumIgnatus Posted October 14, 2009 Author Share Posted October 14, 2009 The God-Machines walk! Narrator: After undergoing several upgrades of Mars Parts Warlord accessories parts in the refitting silo of Arch-Magos Peterbilt's Forge, the "Ol' Imperio" is yet again ready to dish out damage to the dreaded Traitor titan legions that have come to attack the Forge World of Technicus Alpha-Nine. Inside the Princeps Chamber, Princeps Hoare makes himself comfortable in his command chair. Princeps Hoare: All right, ladies. Let's take Ol' Imperio out for a walk in the park. Moderati, arm and ready all weapons for target solutions, Sensori, I want that auspex at max. amp. Steersman, all ahead flank, and mind the crowds. The last thing we want is to wash off their blood and organs from Ol' Imperio's feet. Moderati Riz: Double-barreled turbo-laser destructors "Emma" and "Greta" armed and ready for target solutions. Gatling Blaster "Ivy" armed and ready for target solutions. Volcano Cannon "Lucy" armed and ready for target solutions, my Princeps <whispers>man, I sounded like a servitor... Sensori Simon: Auspex at full amp, my Princeps. Steersman Bob: I'll manage, my Princeps. Ol' Imperio: I hate the thought of being treated like a dog that needs his daily walk, princeps. Princeps Hoare: Duly noted, God Machine... Moderati Riz: When do we leave the forge border zone, Simon? Sensori Simon: At this pace, we'll be in "international waters" in 2 minutes 45 seconds, Riz. Moderati Riz: Splendid! Then we can take a pint of Guiness! <The rest of the titan crew stares dumbfolded at Riz> Moderati Riz: What? Ol' Imperio: Oh, you have smuggled Guiness onboard WITHOUT thinking of me? That's just like the Inquisition. Sensori Simon: My Princeps! I have a... uh... you know, that bright red outline on a blue background that's supposed to represent something good or bad? Princeps Hoare: A heat signature? Sensori Simon: Aye, my Princeps. I have a heat signature, and it's painted bright red on my screen! Princeps Hoare: Moderati Riz, any of our titans out there? Moderati Riz: <sips from a can of Guiness> None that I'm aware of, my Princeps... Princeps Hoare: By the emperors dusty underpants! Moderati, give me a target solution! Steersman, be ready for evasive maneuvres, Sensori, hold that heat signature! Steersman Bob: <swears under his breath>be ready, he says... sheesh, he talks like this is my first walk... Ol' Imperio: I've got this feeling... Princeps Hoare: What, Ol' Imperio? Ol' Imperio: If my memory coils aren't warped by the Scrapcode, I do believe this Arch-Enemy titan is one of my treacherous brothers.. Traitor titan: Hello there, brother Imperio! Ol' Imperio: Brother... Vernasii? Traitor Vernasii: In the can, baby. My, you look at you! 10.000 years haven't exactly been kind on you! Ol' Imperio: Well, look at yourself... the Warp hasen't been kind to you as well. Traitor Vernasii: Couldn't help it. My princeps dedicated himself and me to Slaanesh, and, to be honest, I've never felt such...freedom! Sensori Simon: By the balls of the High Lords of terra! Look at that Slaaneshii warlord! It's...It's... Moderati Riz: Attractive, yet utterly disturbing to behold? Ol' Imperator: I'll have my sensor orbs replaced and my gun-feeds wiped from my memory coils... Traitor Vernasii: What, these bulbous outgrows on my chest and that I wear leather stockings? What's wrong with that? Princeps Hoare: Moderati, please fire "The Ladies" at this... this... Moderati Riz: Most sexiest Warlord encountered yet? Princeps Hoare: <stares dumbfolded at Riz> Moderati Riz: <takes another sip from his can of Guiness> I know, I know, my cogs aren't grinding right... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2152039 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firenze Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I worry for Riz. Really I do. This gets better and better. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2156715 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Gathurn Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 thats hilarius, and that last bit.... sorry, triple post, thats kinda sad Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2157190 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Solid Zaku Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Huh...TSOALR not treat their writers very well? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2157273 Share on other sites More sharing options...
FerrumIgnatus Posted October 21, 2009 Author Share Posted October 21, 2009 One can say that my inspiration came fromreading TSOALR -before GW sued the bejesus out of the brain behind it, bastards..- and Warseer's most hilarious thread ever; "Do the Primarchs still hang out?". The God-Machines walk! is my way of thanking these gifted writers/authors for giving me so many laughs and enlighten my dark days. So, if any of you chaps that were the mastermind(s) behind TSOALR & "Do the Primarchs still hang out?" are reading this humble, yet hilarious thread of mine, the Titans, their crew (and myself) of The God-Machines walk! salute you in honour! Ol' Imperio: Atten...SHUN! Traitor Vernasii, Traitor Anthraxus, Traitor Bain & Traitor Lovebird: <sound their warhorns inunison> HOAH!!! All five Warlord class battle-titans fire their all their immense weapons into the air at once, whereas a lucky turbo-laser destructor shot from the Ol' Imperio incinerates a unlucky overflying Navy Thunderbolt Ol' Imperio: Whoops... And now, the epic tale of gigantic armoured behemoths, the true gods of war continues! The God-Machines walk! Narrator: After having met his gender-confused brother, Ol' Imperio faces his once battlebrother with all its massive weaponry, its Princeps ready to obliterate the daemonic machine once and for all, as suddenly: Sensori Simon: Oh dang... my Princeps, I'm picking up THREE heat signatures from behind the Vernasii! Princeps Hoare: Three? Sensori SImon: Aye, three heat signatures wich look like Warlord Class, my Princeps! Princeps Hoare Really? <thinks for himself> Four Warlords against the Ol' Imperio... by the dusty farts of the Emperor, this is stuff from legends! this is EPIC! Ol' Imperio: IF you win, that is, Princeps... Princeps Hoare: Oh, shut it. Traitor Vernasii: <turns around> My, who can those three lads be, I wonder? Three Titans emerge from the thick fog. One sports numerous corroded patches and leaking lubricants from every crack in its armour, One painted blood red and having a skull as head, and the other has feathers all over its armour plates. Traitor Anthraxus: Imperio ol' chap! I'm so NURGLED to see you! Ol' Imperio: Point taken, Anthraxus... Traitor Bain: You haven't by any chance seen my kitten, brother Imperio? Last night I cuddled it to my chestplate, but now it's gone! Moderati Riz: <whispers>Should we tell the Banelord... ? Sensori Simon: <whispers> that the white little spot on it's chestplate IS his missing kitten? Ol' Imperio: Seen down on your chest lately, brother Bain? Traitor Bain: No? <looks down> BY THE LORD OF SKULLS! KHORNEY!!! Moderati Riz: Who knew that a Banelord could have a little, snow-white kitten as pet? Traitor Lovebird: I knew! I saw it yesterday in my drunken sleep! Got to stop drinking so many grade-A Titan synthetic oil... Steersman Bob: Heh, Khorne cares not where the blood comes from once it flows... Princeps Hoare: Steersman! THAT is HERESY! Steersman Bob: I was just being IRONIC, my Princeps... Princeps Hoare: Don't pull in the Iron Warriors Legion into this, they're already pretty cranky on Primarch Perturabo because they've all seen Iron Man and want such a power suit.. Moderati Riz: Don't they know it's just a movie from the 21 century? Princeps Hoare: It's the same way for Necrons... they tried to sue Schwarzenegger for using their "I'll be back" slogan... those lads have clearly missed out a lot when they slept in their tombs.. little did they know... Ol' Imperio: You do know that the Adeptus Mechanicus used the STC templates of our construction that is actually based on Battle-Tech/Robotech/Gundam-Wing fan-art? Moderati Riz: And they say MY cogs aren't grinding right... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2158283 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firenze Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 I should really start my webcomic soon... This is giving me ideas. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2158682 Share on other sites More sharing options...
FerrumIgnatus Posted November 5, 2009 Author Share Posted November 5, 2009 Well, after a slight unsheduled pause, The God-Machines Walk! returns with a brand new chapter, and so, with no further ramblings, a new, hilarious and completly warped chapter of The God-Machines Walk! continues! Narrator: It has come to a stalmate. Loyalist and Traitor Titan face each other, whilst their crew argue inside the armoured heads of the Warlords on how much Guiness there is left, what size of leather stockings they should order for their slaaneshii Warlord, how much more sour milk has to be drunk, IF the change is good for them or how many skulls have to be taken in order to please their patron... Moderati Riz: With all due respect, my Princeps, we are completely run out of Guiness, and I strongly recommend to turn back to the Refitting silos in order to have our stock replenished. Princeps Hoare: Suggestion received and denied, moderati. Our objective is to hold our position untill the Battlegroup of Lord Princeps Kitten arrives. Moderati Riz: But, my Princeps... Princeps Hoare: No excuses, moderati, or I'll have you hanged for heresy... Steersman Bob whispers should have done that a long time ago... Sensori Simon: My Princeps! Something is happening out there! Elektro-sensors readings are out of boundary! Princeps Hoare: By the holy emperors dusty bones... Ol' Imperio: I sense a disturbance in the warp... Princeps Hoare: No need to get Star Wars on me now, God-Machine. Ol' Imperio: I'm dead serious, princeps Hoare. A massive pillar bursts out of the desert soil, along with a twin pillar fifty metres besides it, crackling with raw warp power. A purple maelstrom forms between the massive pillars adorned with burning chaos runes, and an enormous shape is emerges from the warp portal, a massive shape that fills both the crew and Ol' Imperio with dread.. Steersman Bob: Oh, groxdung, we're so fragged... Moderati Riz: Impossible! Sensori Riz: Are my sensors malfunctioning? Is that... Princeps Hoare: Not a chance in the Eye of Terror! MASSIVE Traitor Titan: I smell fear. I smell astounishment. By Nurgle, it feels good to be back in the material world again. Ol' Imperio: Dies Irae? How can that be?!? You were destroyed on Hydra Cordatus! Dies Irae: Father Nurgle never leaves his most favoured sons to rot, little one. Traitor Anthraxus: The Legend! The One who brought down the walls of the Carrion-Lord's palace! What an honour to stride these wastelands with the Dies Irae himself! How can this wonder be? Dies Irae: After I fell on Hydra Cordatus by that darned lucky son of a grox Princeps and the citadel got blasted to atoms, Grandfather Nurgle sendt forth his daemonic hordes to reclaim my battered shell, and my hull was reformed in the Warp. Traitor Vernasii:Oh my, aren't we ironic... Dies Irae:Silence, you gender-confused, semi-daemonic excuse for a Warlord Titan! I haven't walked the putrid plains of nurgle for a thousand years only to hear such mindless babble from a distasteful being of the warp like you! Traitor Vernasii: Oh my, someone clearly stood up from berth with the wrong armoured leg today. with a flash, the might Dies Irae obliterates the feminine form of the Slaaneshi warlord in a single burst from it's Hellstorm Cannon... Dies Irea: Never liked him...she... gah, bullocks! IT! Moderati Riz: Looks over at Sensori Simon Bob is right, we are SO fragged. Sensori Simon: It's the Dies Irae, what else can you expect from an Imperator Titan in a bad mood? Princeps Hoare: Alright, men. A Warlord has beaten this abomination once before, WE can do it as well! Ol' Imperio: Sure, it's only the Dies Irae. We can clearly beat it.. no problem Traitor Bain: Whispers to Traitor Lovebird I think I just spilled lubricants on my groin armour plate... Traitor Lovebird: Whispers back I just crapped on my feathery behind... And, as a little bonus, Introducing the chaos Warhounds Wolfbreed and Soulreaper; Narrator:The agile twin mars pattern warhounds move quickly through the urban warzone, speed being their best defence against the more heavily armed Titans like the Reaver and Warlord. With a short pulse from their auspex, the twin warhounds adjust their speed accordingly to the surface they run on, their daemonic heads turning in unison from left to right in search for new targets. So far, they have claimed over 684 confirmed kills, with over 550 being classed as super-heavy targets. Amongst their brother warhounds, Wolfbreed and Soulreaper are the most aggressive ones, and have won the favour of the Lord of Skulls himself many times over. Wolfbreed: Blending in with the enviroment, ninja-style... Soulreaper: Anything on the auspex, Brother? Wolfbreed: Nah, only the rotting vapours of your heat exchangers. Soulreaper: Oh, shut it. Besides, we're supposed to blend in with the enviroment, right? Wolfbreed: Aye? Soulreaper: Then why do you have that necklace of dead loyalist astartes on? Wolfbreed: It looks menacing... Soulreaper: You look like an idiot... Wolfbreed: Oh yeah? Soulreaper: Yeah.. Wolfbreed: Then taste plasma goodness! Narrator:As the two chaos warhounds have their USUAL brawl between ruined buildings, we leave the site and continue with The God-Machines Walk! another day. Stay tuned, for more hilarious, warped humour WILL follow! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2176211 Share on other sites More sharing options...
FerrumIgnatus Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 Nine days since I posted Chapter IV and still no replies?!? That will get Dies Irae in a bad mood... Dies Irae: I make my comeback after Storm of Iron and THIS is how my ressurection gets apreciated? By my armoured loins, NOW I'm cranky! Ol' Imperio: Dies Irae, calm down. The B&C forum suffered a down time, so that might be the reason why nobody commented on The God-Machines Walk! Dies Irae: Bullocks! Those infidel loyalists have betrayed us, just as they did back in the Heresy! Ol' Imperio: Dies, Horus betrayed the Emperor, remember? Dies Irae: Oh, don't you dare correct me, lad! When I strode the plains of different worlds and fought the enemies of the Emperor, you were just a buckload of faulty cabling! Ol' Imperio: whispersAnd YOU'RE talking about faulty cabling? Dies Irae: Now, Infidels! Comment on this thread or fear the dreaded might of DIES IRAE!!! The infamous Legio Mortis Imperator-Class titan raises it's feared main weapons, powers them up and... ...miserably fails to fire it's main weapons... Dies Irae: BULLOCKS! Ol' Imperio: Ah...Dies? it's actually "bollocks" Dies Irae: Oh, shut it... Well, since there has been nine days since I posted Chapter IV of The God-Machines Walk!, so I figured a double post of me here is accepted... thus, with no further ramblings from me, I present you Chapter V! Narrator:-After the Dies Irae made it's comeback and evaporated the annoying Vernasii, the four Warlords and Imperator Titan stand in the middle of a desert, the sand storm dulling their sensors and slowly stripping the paint from their armour. Amidst them stand the charred remains of Vernasii, plasma fire still smouldring from the burned hip-joints. Princeps Hoare: By the emperor.. one shot.. Steersman Bob: I know.. 6 void shields and 9 structure points evaporated... Moderati Riz: We're so fragged.. Ol' Imperio: Now we have just three Traitor Warlords and one bad-tempered Imperator to battle against.. doesn't really put the odds in our favour, now does it? Princeps Hoare: Rest assured, Honoured God-Machine, Battlegroup Kitten will shortly arrive.. Ol' Imperio: As mentioned before, the odds aren't in our favour.. Sensori Simon: Imperio, with any luck, the Traitor titans will laugh themselfs to destruction when Lord Princeps kitten announces himself.. Moderati Riz: There's still hope.. Ol' Imperio: And hope is the first step on the road to dissapointment, Moderati.. Moderati Riz: I know, I know.. Dies Irae: <adresses the remaining traitor Warlords> Why are you bunch of scrapheaps standing here without targeting the loyalist Warlord? Have nurglings infested your hardrives or do you lot of rusty screws suffer from faulty cabling? Traitor Anthraxus: But Lord Dies Irae, it's our brother Warlord! Traitor Lovebird: Wouldn't it be better to "persuade" him to our side, Honoured One? Dies Irae: humm... Traitor Bain: Why don't we just slaughter it and dedicate it's death to Khorne? Dies Irae: <looks surprised at traitor Bain> Traitor Bain: What? Dies Irae:One moment ago you were soiling your groin armour plate, and now you're talking about slaughter? Traitor Bain: Hey, I'm a Warlord dedicated to Khorne. I'm an emotional wreck.. Dies Irae: Pantsy. Back in the days of Heresy, we did not care.. Traitor Lovebird: Back in the days of Heresy, all you guys thought of was mindlessly fighting each other and following the Puppet of Chaos Horus himself and his lapdog, Abbie. Dies Irae: <smacks its hellstorm cannon on traitor Lovebirds head, causing armour plates to crack> Traitor Lovebird: What the FRAG was that about?!? Dies Irae: Do not speak lightly of the Heresy, lad! Moderati Riz: My princeps, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Princeps Hoare: Maneuvre them with words towards a point were they will begin fighting eachother, thus eliminating the need of reinforcements? Moderati Riz: my thoughts exactly. Princeps Hoare: Moderati, you just earned yourself a princepture in a Warhound titan. Moderati Riz: Thank you, my Princeps. permission to open a Guiness to celebrate? Princeps Hoare: Permission granted. Ol' Imperio: You realize that we now have to look after him, take him out for a walk, and make sure he does not lubricate INSIDE his berth, princeps? Princeps Hoare: Yes, Ol' Imperio, I am aware that when we return to the refitting silos, we'll be appointed to babysit a puppy. Ol' Imperio: For the record, I do not intend to clean up after him.. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2184221 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firenze Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Hee hee!! Awesomes! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2184669 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonas Stromclaw Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 You are insane. Marvelously, briliantly, insane. Keep it coming. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2184823 Share on other sites More sharing options...
FerrumIgnatus Posted November 15, 2009 Author Share Posted November 15, 2009 Ol' Imperio: Hmm, seems to me that it worked, Dies.. Dies Irae: Aye, nobody want's to anger an cranky Imperator Titan even more. Ol' Imperio: Indeed, besides, nice move with "almost" fire your main weapons as a treath! Dies Irae: Ah, yes.. I played with their fear there, yes.. Ol' Imperio: <frowns> Your main weapons didn't work, right? Dies Irae: Look, I'm over ten millenia old! Some things don't work as they used to! Ol' Imperio: Ever considered a blue lubricant called V? Dies Irae: Bloody hell, boy, I'm not THAT old! Ol' Imperio: I know, I know.. just mentioning it.. Dies Irae: Bah, what's next, you're going to tell me that I need a cane? Ol' Imperio: <clearly sarcastic> Didn't cross my mind, Dies.. Besides, you have external aiding propulsion units on your legs... why even consider a cane? Dies Irae: I really hate you sometimes, you know that? Ol' Imperio: Aww, you don't mean that? That's the Heresy talking! Dies Irae: <mutters like an old, grumpy man> No blasted respect they have, nowadays... Heh.. helped with getting Dies cranky.. anyhow, your replies did deserve a new chapter of The God-Machines Walk!, so let's continue from were we left, hereby giving you Chapter VI!!! Narrator:-For his tactical mastermind and winning the "All you can drink" Guiness competition, Moderati Riz has been given a Princepture in a warhound titan. However, we are still out in the desert amidst the Traitor engines of chaos and the heroical Loyalist engine Ol' Imperio, its crew bravely facing off three warlord class- and an Imperator class titans, knowing that with faith in the Emperor and guided by His Devine Light, they will prevail. (ahh, good old Imperial Propaganda...) Traitor Lovebird: Objection! Narrator:-Huh? Traitor Lovebird: Excuse me, Narrator.. God.. Sir.. but I have to strongly recommend you that you, as Narrator must remain neutral in this story, and not throw the storyline in one side's favour.. Narrator:-I'm not.. favouring the Imperium? Traitor Lovebird: Yes, sir, you do. I quote; "..the heroical Loyalist engine Ol' Imperio, its crew bravely facing off three warlord class- and an Imperator class titans, knowing that with faith in the Emperor and guided by His Divine Light, they will prevail.." Narrator:-I was just using a "David VS Goliath theme" seasoned with a bit of religious bable.. Traitor Lovebird:Arhem... "Ahh, good old Imperial Propaganda.."? Narrator:-Meh, what are you going to do? Go "GW-sues-my-arse-off" on me? Traitor Lovebird: No, I'm not THAT evil.. sheesh. I just want a Chaos victory.. Narrator:-You got that in Storm of Iron.. Traitor Lovebird: But.. You play Iron Warriors! Practically, you should be on our side. Narrator:-My fluff, my rules. period. Traitor Lovebird: <mutters>Bah.. Tzeentch warned me of this.. "Don't play the role of Traitor Lovebird!" Did I listen? No.. Narrator:-We apologize the delay and will now continue with Chapter VI Ol' Imperio: As mentioned, princeps. I do have a target lock on all enemy Engines, and I'm awaiting your order to fire. Princeps Hoare: Patience, Ol' Imperio.. patience.. Sensori Simon: My Princeps, incoming vox signal! It's Lord Princeps Kitten! Princeps Hoare: Patch him trough. Sensori Simon: All yours. Princeps Hoare: Hello Kitty! Lord Princeps Kitten: Very funny. Status report on enemy Engines? Princeps Hoare: Meh, could be worse. four enemy Engines in total, three of them Warlord class and one Imperator class. Ol' Imperio: <whispers> Could be worse, he says.. Lord Princeps Kitten: Send me your gun pic-feed, Princeps. I want to see what we're dealing against. Princeps Hoare: <signals to sensori Simon> sending now, Lord Princeps. Lord Princeps Kitten: ahh.. Princeps Hoare, do you have a fetish for Warlords in lingerie?!? Princeps Hoare: No, my Lord. Those are pic-feeds from a destroyed Slaaneshii Engine, the Vernasii. Lord Princeps Kitten: Ahh, so you have a confirmed Engine Kill? Princeps Hoare: About that... Dies Irae: the Vernasii was MY kill, worm! Don't you even try to take that kill for your legio, Lord Princeps! Lord Princeps Kitten: OI VÉ! Dies Irae! Impossible! You were destroyed on Hydra Cordatus! Moderati Riz: Lord Princeps? We've already been through that.. Lord Princeps Kitten: And you've been holding off this monster for 5 Chapters? Ol' Imperio: Nah, only two. He turned up in Chapter IV, albeit in a bad mood, though. Dies Irae: I'm ten millenia old, darn it. Lord Princeps Kitten: What in the name of Bar Mitzva have I walked in to? Steersman Bob: The insanity that is The God-Machines Walk! Traitor Lovebird: This time, you can't blame Chaos. Lord Princeps Kitten: Lord Emperor protect me.. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2184976 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonas Stromclaw Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 Sure they can blame chaos! you play Iron warriors, don't you? Excellent stuff! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2185060 Share on other sites More sharing options...
FerrumIgnatus Posted November 15, 2009 Author Share Posted November 15, 2009 Sure they can blame chaos! you play Iron warriors, don't you? Excellent stuff! Yes, I've 2.000+ pts of Iron Warriors to brag about. 3 10-man Marine squad with 2Melta-/plasmaguns, a 10-man Havoc squad with two rocket launchers and two heavy bolters, 2 Rhino's, a land raider, a Vindicator, a daemonic possessed Annihilator, a (rather sane) Dreadnought, a 5-man Terminator Squad, a Terminator lord/champion, A Daemonprince, and currently working on adding another Rhino and Vindicator so that I can field a mechanised assault army list. As for blame Chaos, I've had it with people using Chaos as a background reason for fighting.. It's almost as comically stupid as South Park's "Blame Canada".. :D Thanks again for comments, and please, do come with critics if you have them. Remember, Dies Irae is watching you! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2185086 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonas Stromclaw Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 Sure they can blame chaos! you play Iron warriors, don't you? Excellent stuff! Yes, I've 2.000+ pts of Iron Warriors to brag about. 3 10-man Marine squad with 2Melta-/plasmaguns, a 10-man Havoc squad with two rocket launchers and two heavy bolters, 2 Rhino's, a land raider, a Vindicator, a daemonic possessed Annihilator, a (rather sane) Dreadnought, a 5-man Terminator Squad, a Terminator lord/champion, A Daemonprince, and currently working on adding another Rhino and Vindicator so that I can field a mechanised assault army list. As for blame Chaos, I've had it with people using Chaos as a background reason for fighting.. It's almost as comically stupid as South Park's "Blame Canada".. ;) Thanks again for comments, and please, do come with critics if you have them. Remember, Dies Irae is watching you! My previous statement was made in jest. My only complaint is not enough explosions, but then again I am a pyromaniac :D Oh, and we need more of the crazy khorne warhounds, that had me laughing so hard I cried! They sound exactly like my little brothers! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2185325 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firenze Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 I want to do a parody of my Dogs of War a little. A cameo maybe? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2185483 Share on other sites More sharing options...
FerrumIgnatus Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 My previous statement was made in jest. My only complaint is not enough explosions, but then again I am a pyromaniac :lol: Oh, and we need more of the crazy khorne warhounds, that had me laughing so hard I cried! They sound exactly like my little brothers! More explosions? Duly noted. Perhaps good old Dies Irae will be getting in more foul moods then Slaanesh.. Be patient, Wolfbreed and Soulreaper will return! Actually, I based them on Skid and Mudflap from Transformers 2, Revenge of The Fallen.. I want to do a parody of my Dogs of War a little. A cameo maybe? Do it! the more hilarious the better! I can't remember how many times I've chuckled while I wrote The God-Machines Walk! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2185788 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justicar Valius Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 LOL :confused: awseome, insignificant little power armoured foe of chaos legions demands MOAR!!! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2186357 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firenze Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Two Warhounds stop and stare at Valius hopping up an down and shouting Lupus Lux: Whats this little guy doing? Lupus Nox: Dunno... maybe he wants food. Or attention. Or both! Or a duck! Lux: Why do I hang around with you? Nox: Because you owe me your 50 credits and your Billy Talent 3 CD after poker yesterday? Lux: Oh yeah... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2186671 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justicar Valius Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 that was a good one :tu: Lupus nox: what are those shiny metal things in the distance? Lupus Lux: It's called a targetting system, Use It! Nox: landraiders Lux: Ahh not the grey knights again! *Nox gets shot down by lascannon fire* Lux: That guy owed me 50 credits! Darn YOU! *Lux procedes to open fire turbo lasers on the landraiders, blowing them all up* Lux: Stupid shouting guy *Lux squishes Valius under his foot* Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2187708 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firenze Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Lol. Nice. Valius, make 2 titans up yourself and we can do this as we wait! Lupus Nox: And it also means I can get a damn good upgrade. And a new gun. Stop whining you. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2187718 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justicar Valius Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 naaa i just wanted to show what happens when you mess with grey knights :) chaos titans start dieing :P Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/181270-the-god-machines-walk/#findComment-2188662 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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