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The God-Machines walk!


FerrumIgnatus

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Hmm.. talk about Thread-jacking AND disturbing Dies Irae from taking a nap.. that's not going to end well, I'm afraid..

 

Dies Irae: Darn bloody whelps, how dare you disturb my well-deserved slumber?

Lux: Valius started..

Valius: You mischievous, traitorous machine!

Nox: That's DEUS EX MACHINA for you, power armoured little thingie!

Dies Irae: By the Dark Gods, enough is enough!

Narrator:-Dies Irae smacks its massive hellstorm cannon on Nox' carapace, smashing the scout titan into the desert soil. Then it strides towards Lux, kicking the agile titan in its groin, sending it flying across the desert and crashing amongst some rocks.

Dies Irae Now for you, lackey of the corpse God!

Valius: Silence, daemonic machination of Chaos! Feel the cleansing fire of my Incinerator!

Narrator:-The valiant Grey Knight sprays ignited promethium on Dies Irae's legs, bathing them with the purifying fire of his Grey Knight variant of the flamer.

Dies Irae: <chuckles> Jeezes...

Narrator:-Loosing his patience, Dies Irae kicks out with its massive leg, sending him spiraling upwards the atmosphere.

Dies Irae: <laughs>You don't need a Thunderhawk now, Grey Knight!

Valius: <vox'es over to the orbiting Grey Knight strike cruiser> Glorious Divine Emperor's Hammer, this is Justicar Valius. Please open hangar bay 2, I'm coming in hot.

Glorious Divine Emperor's Hammer: But, Justicar, we have no Thunderhawks in the air.. how..

Valius: Got kicked into orbit by an Imperator Titan..

Glorious Divine Emperor's Hammer: Deus!

Valius: No worries, the Emperor protects my power armour. When I am onboard, I want that Exterminatus button up and ready..

Glorius Divine Emperor's Hammer: Don't you need an Inquisitor to do that?

Valius: Shut it! Just get it done!

Glorius Divine Emperor's Hammer: Yes, Justicar..

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Well, Valius. it's been a hard week on work with lots of over-hours. Basically I've only been home to eat, sleep and attend personal hygiene.. so this month's paycheck should be more stuffed then a Thanksgiving Turkey..

 

Anyhow, now that I enjoy a well-deserved weekend, I'll be lojal to all of you who read The God-Machines Walk! and add chapter VII. so sit back, and enjoy the madness of titan fan-fiction that this thread presents.

 

The God-Machines Walk!

Chapter VII: The Kitten

 

Narrator:-Lord Princeps Cleetus Kitten, master of the Warp Runners Titan Legion, looks over the desert battlefield were the Titan of Battlegroup Hoare has encountered a small strike force of Traitor Titans spearheaded by the dreaded -and presumed destroyed- Imperator Titan Dies Irae.

 

Lord Princeps Kitten: Very well, men.. let's end this madness once and for all. Princeps Hoare, lock all weapons on one location on Dies Irae's forward void shields. We'll only get one shot at this, so I'll tolerate no room for errors.

Princeps Hoare: Yes, Lord Princeps. Moderati, you heard the man. concentrate firepower on one location on Dies Irae's Voi-

Moderati Riz: <interrupts> Already done, my Princeps..

Princeps Hoare: Huh?

Moderati Riz: Dies Irae has been target locked and designated BFT 01 since chapter IV, my Princeps.. haven't you noticed the itching in your hands?

Princeps Hoare: Now that you mention it...

Moderati Riz: That's Ol' Imperio telling you to shoot the bastard, my Princeps..

Princeps Hoare: Well, that's a relief.. I thought I didn't tolerate the chlorine levels in the amniotic tank..

Moderati Riz: My Princeps?

Princeps Hoare: Yes, moderati?

Moderati Riz: The fluid inside the amniotic tank contains proteins, carbohydrates, lipids and phospholipids, urea and electrolytes..

Princeps Hoare: No chlorine, then?

Moderati Riz: No chlorine, my Princeps..

Dies Irae: <looks down his chest>What is the meaning of this? why are you pointing targeting beams on my chest? Are you finally done chatting and ready to engage combat?

Ol' Imperio: I suppose so..

Lord Princeps Kitten: Princeps Hoare, have you a target solution?

Princeps Hoare: Yes, Lord Princeps.

Lord Princeps Kitten: Alrighty then! Legio Astorum, blast this scrapshunt back to whatever warpspawned hell it came from!

Guns blazing, both warlords of the Warp Runners legio fired on the same location of void shield situated at the chest of the Imperator titan, peeling void shield after void shield before hitting solid armour. but before any damage could be done to Dies Irae, besides scratching it's paint job, the Banelord Bain charged into Ol' Imperio and smashed its enormous doom fist straight in the face of the Loyalist Engine.. Ol' Imperio stumbeled backwards, before pointing its Gatling Blaster "Ivy" at traitor Bain and gave the Khornate Warlord a full salvo of battlecannon goodness straight into it's groin.

Ol' Imperio: Feeling lucky, punk?

Traitor Bane: Lucky? You cheating, cowardly excuse of a warlord, you hit me straight in the jibbedies!

Ol' Imperio: Aww, stop it, you're a machine.. you feel no pain!

Traitor Bane: You try a Gatling blaster salvo on your groin!

Ol' Imperio: My Gatling blaster arm doesn't elevate THAT low..

Traitor Bane: That's an poor excuse and you KNOW it!

Dies Irae: Oh, shut it, you whelps! Now shiver in fear for the might that is DIES IRAE!!!

Steersman Bob: That's it, we're toast..

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He he... I love this. Well done again.

 

Lupus Lux: Deus Irae is here? When did this happen?

 

A decent few chapters ago

 

Lupus Nox: And is there anywhere within twelve miles that has enough cover?

 

No.

 

Nox and Lux: Bugger...

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He he... I love this. Well done again.

 

Lupus Lux: Deus Irae is here? When did this happen?

 

A decent few chapters ago

 

Lupus Nox: And is there anywhere within twelve miles that has enough cover?

 

No.

 

Nox and Lux: Bugger...

Firenze, THAT was priceless!

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He he... I love this. Well done again.

 

Lupus Lux: Deus Irae is here? When did this happen?

 

A decent few chapters ago

 

Lupus Nox: And is there anywhere within twelve miles that has enough cover?

 

No.

 

Nox and Lux: Bugger...

You need your own comic strip or something. This stuff is great!

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I had to do Chapter VIII, partly because of my shameless lack of update, and because of Firenze's little Lux n' Nox "Aware of Dies" post. So, with no further ramblings from me -this IS getting pretty well-used, don't you think?- it is my honour to give you the explosion-packed, armour-dissolving continue of The God-Machines Walk!

 

Chapter VIII: Searing Heat..

Narrator:-With the failed barrage against the Dies Irae, Lord Princeps Kitten and Princeps Hoare prepare to endure the rage of the infamous Imperator Titan. Ol' Imperio suffered a blow to its faceplate, bulking and deforming armour plates as the massive Doom Fist of Traitor Bain smashed into the Warlord's head.

 

Dies Irae: Prepare for oblivion, lojalist lapdogs! When I'm done with you, your warlords won't be able to be sold as scrapmetal!

Princeps Hoare: Moderati! Direct all power to frontal void shields! Techpriest, I want all power available from the reactor! Steersman, conduct a brace stance!

Moderati Riz: Rerouting all power to frontal void shields, aye, my Princeps. Shutting down all unnessecary systems.

Steersman Bob: Initiating brace stance, aye, my Princeps. Locking leg hydraulics, shifting leg propulsion unit gears to neutral.

Techpriest Christopher: Reactor at 150%, my Princeps. I hope the Machine Spirit can endure this rapture.

Princeps Hoare: As do I, Techpriest.. As do I.

Lord Princeps Kitten: Steersman, bring us behind the Ol' Imperio and initiate brace stand. This will hopefully endure the hell Dies Irae is about to unleash. Techpriest, prepare to conduct emergency repairs.

Steersman Ralph: Aye, my Princeps. Bringing us about. 50 metres.. 45 metres.. 40 metres.. 35 metres.. 30 metres.. 25 metres.. 20 metres.. 15 metres.. 10 metres.. 5 metres.. maneuvre complete, beginning brace stand.

Techpriest Carl: The servoskulls and I stand ready to ease the pain of the God-Machine, my Princeps..

Lord Princeps Kitten: Very well.. Have faith in the Emperor, men.. may His Divine Light guide us..

With those words, Dies Irae finished powering up all of its weapons, its targetting arrays picking up the Ol' Imperio and the Felis Thundera asnthey prepared for the onslaught the Imperator Titan would bring..

Dies Irae: As my generation would say; UP YOURS!!!!!

With those words, Dies Irae brought to bear his full arsenal of weaponry, the mighty Hellstorm cannon, the dreaded Plasma annihilator, three carapace mounted laser blasters, two carapace-mounted volcano cannons and a carapace-mounted melta cannon. Night became day, and a beam so intense and hot it's temperature rivalled the heat of a sun engulfed both Warlord Titans of the Legio Astorum...

Or, in other words; FREEEEM!

As the dust settled and the last traces of energy weaponry dissolved, vast stretches of the arid plains surrounding the two Warp Runners Warlords were reduced to a mirroring, glass-covered crust, steam hissing from the still hot surface..

Steersman Bob:<opens his eyes> Are we still.. alive?

Princeps Hoare: <blinks> I think so.. but I do feel a tad cooked here in my amniotic tank..

Moderati Riz: That should be the stygmatic reaction between you and Ol' Imperio..

Princeps Hoare: Be it as it may, but I do still feel like i'm swimming in some kind of chicken soup..

Sensori Simon: AHA! So it IS correct that everything we haven't tasted before tastes like chicken?

The rest of the Ol' Imperio's crew give Simon a hard look..

Sensori Simon: I'm just saying-

Princeps Hoare: Enough! Techpriest, status report?

Techpriest Christopher: Reactor back at 100%, my Princeps, but several armour plates have dissolved and my servo skulls have detected a hull breach right underneath the right knee-joint. They are repairing it as we speak.

Princeps Hoare: Very well. Sensori, any news from Felis Thundera?

Sensori Simon: Negative, my Princeps. I assume the heat from Dies Irae's onslaught has melted all antennae useless..

Princeps Hoare: Blasted..

Ol' Imperio: At least I got my armour plates tanned..

Moderati Riz: AND the refrigerator survived. Who wants to cool down with an ice-cold Guiness?

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Lux: Wow. That was a fireworks display.

Nox: Good thing I brought glare filters!

Lux: Sunglasses in other words. And why are you using them at night?

Nox: Your just jealous I look cool.

Lux: Im sorry, but not even a Nurgling would be jealous of your looks.

Will you two shut up so Ferrum can write the next chapter!

Nox: Just because Im a character, dont mean you is, like, the boss.

Er, yes it does. Watch. Nox gets slapped into a rock face

Narrator Powers!

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Lux: Wow. That was a fireworks display.

Nox: Good thing I brought glare filters!

Lux: Sunglasses in other words. And why are you using them at night?

Nox: Your just jealous I look cool.

Lux: Im sorry, but not even a Nurgling would be jealous of your looks.

Will you two shut up so Ferrum can write the next chapter!

Nox: Just because Im a character, dont mean you is, like, the boss.

Er, yes it does. Watch. Nox gets slapped into a rock face

Narrator Powers!

 

 

i must say these have been just as entertainning as the main story...keep up the good work both of you, i get a good laugh everytime iread

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The incredible ridiculous adventures of Lux and Nox.. most pleasing to read. ^_^

 

Anyhow, I apologize for the lack of an update on The God-Machines Walk.. I've been busy building -hold on your hats- a Warlord dedicated to chaos. You can see the progress on the Iron Warriors 4th Grand Company forum, or simply click this link..

 

But rest asured, The God-Machines Walk! will walk again soon..

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  • 1 month later...

Taking a break from my titanic Warlord Titan-scratchbuilding project, and to please you guys, I wrote chapter IX of The God-Machines Walk! So sit back, enjoy your coke, and feast upon the tasty fluff of humouristic titan madness!

 

Chapter IX: Cottage Cheese or.. Collateral Damage?

Narrator: -After having survived the fiery onslaught of the dreaded Imperator titan Dies Irae, the scorched Warlords of the Warp Runners legion take up firing positions to answer the Chaotic titan.

 

Lord Princeps Kitten: Warriors of the Warp Runners legion! We have survived the onslaught of a Imperator titan! We stand here, allthough our armour plates are scorched and some of our systems are temporarly off-line, we still stand strong, ready to retaliate this insult to our engines!

Sensori Addie: Ah..mein Führer, die vox-antennae are gesmoltzen.. Wir are unable der Ol'Imperio zu kontakten..

Lord Princeps Kitten: Do the light-signals still work?

Sensori Addie: Zie sindt fully operational, mein Führer..

Lord Princeps Kitten: Splendid! Contact the Ol'Imperio! Tell them that we're taking down this daemonic beast with the full might of our Warlords!

Sensori Addie: Jawhol, mein Führer!

-Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Ol'Imperio..

Sensori Simon: My princeps! Felis Thundera is flashing lights!

Moderati Riz: Heh, are they having a disco party?

Sensori Simon: No, I believe they're trying to contact us in morse code..

Princeps Hoare: What are they saying, Sensori?

Sensori Simon: I'm a bit unsure, since I'm rusty in morse code, but I believe they're telling us to fall back, deploy in a firing line and answer the Dies Irae..

Princeps Hoare: Sounds like Kitten. Steersman, reverse and pull back. Moderati, plot in firing solutions. Sensori, signal the Felis Thundera and acknowledge Lord Princeps Kitten's plan.

Steersman Bob: Reversing and pulling up alongside Felis Thundera, aye, my Princeps..

Moderati Riz: Plotted and ready to fire, my Princeps.

Sensori Simon: Signalling now, my Princeps.

Ol'Imperio: Why are we reversing? I demand to take on this beast in close combat!

Princeps Hoare: be at ease, God-Machine. You will have your revenge.

Ol'Imperio: I know, Princeps, but are you aware of the fact that an Imperator Titan has more void-shields then a slaanesh daemon has breasts..

Princeps Hoare: But the Red Fury has succesfully slain a Imperator titan with firepower!

Ol'Imperio: I'm aware of that, but he did that by harnessing the firepower of 11 warlords to his will..

Princeps Hoare: Oh..

-As the Imperials are discussing what the best angle of attack would be, a new warp rift opened and something massive emerged from the rift..

Ol'Imperio: Darn cogs, what emerges now?

Dies Irae: Beats me..

Traitor Bain: I believe it's a member of your legion, honoured Dies Irae.

Dies Irae: Another member of Legio Mortis? Could it be Pater Mortis? Aquila Ignis?

Traitor Lovebird: Aquila Ignis fell on mars 30.000 years ago, Lord Dies Irae. Also, it's not as large as a Imperator.. I believe it's a Warlord..

Unknown Titan: I emerge from the shadows.. I am a wraith, I am the Harvester of Souls..

Moderati Riz: Maugan Ra? Didn't know Eldar sided with Chaos?

Unknown Titan: Foolish mortal! I am no fragile eldar! I am Animus Messor, the Soul Reaper!

Sensori Simon: <whispers to Moderati Riz> you HAD to ask, huh?

Moderati Riz: <whispers back> I'm rather inquisitive.. can't help it..

Sensori Simon: <whispers> Curiosity killed the cat..

Moderati Riz: <whispers> all the better that I'm human, then..

Sensori Simon: <slaps his forhead>

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Thanks for the comments, brethren, but I am still astouned that nobody complained about Sensori Addie.. meh, perhaps people aren't that easily provoked any longer.. GOOD for me, for The God-Machines Walk yet AGAIN!!

 

Chapter X: Old Hogs.. or Old Cogs?

 

Narrator: -By falling back to a new firing position, the Ol' Imperio and Felix Thundera are seconds away from retaliating for the onslaught Dies Irae bestowed on them. But, as nature.. eh.. I mean.. the Warp.. would had it, A warp rift opened and spewed forth yet another diabolic engine, this time a Warlord from the Legio Mortis, known as the Animus Messor.

 

Dies Irae: Ahhh, Annie, ol' chap! Good to see you again!

Animus Messor: Don't call me that, maggotspawn.

Dies Irae: Eh?

Animus Messor: I said, don't call me that, you deaf, putrid sack of rotten Gods-know-what!

Traitor Bain: Sheesh, here I thought Dies was the most grumpiest one of us.

Traitor Lovebird: Did you just say "most grumpiest"?

Traitor Bain: Ah.. yes?

Traitor Lovebird: By Tzeentch.. he's a behemoth engine of mass destruction with the mind of a toddler..

Traitor Bain: Hey, you try being a engine dedicated to Khorne with his princeps lobotomized!

Animus Messor: Shut your trapholes, you walking scrapheaps!

Dies Irae: Annie, what in all that is Chaos is the matter with you?

Animus Messor: I'm irritated..

Dies Irae: Aha.. why are you irritated, then?

Animus Messor: I have no darned clue..

Dies Irae: Very well.. have you seen your Dark Mechanicus lately?

Animus Messor: No.. any reason I should? I feel fine.. just irritated, that is..

Dies Irae: Well, I am no Tech Adept, but I have mentored so many Warlords in my long life that I know exactly how their cogs work.. You, dear friend, are in dire need of a maintenance appointment at the nearest Titan fitting silo..

Traitor Lovebird: But, ah, with all due respect, Honoured Dies Irae.. the nearest Titan fitting silo is Imperial held..

Dies Irae: And since when did we begin to care about that, featherball?

Traitor Lovebird: <thinks for a while>Ah.. actually.. we have never.. cared about such.

Traitor Bain: <whispers to Lovebird> NOW who's the toddler?

Animus Messor: Fine, fine, I'll go.. now, shall we obliterate those imperials in front of us?

Traitor Bain: Why not ask them if we may use their Titan fitting silo's instead of tending to violence?

-All the other traitor titans look dumbfolded at Traitor Bain

Traitor Bain: Oh.. right..<clears his throat>GAAAAAAARGH! KILL! MAIM! BURN!

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Thanks for the comments, brothers. As a reward, here's chapter 11 of The God-Machines Walk!

 

Chapter XI: Why is the [iCETEA] gone?

 

Narrator: -With the arrival of the Legio Mortis Warlord Animus Messor, the Warlords of the Warp Runners legion are forced to withdraw, leaving the traitor titans free to do whatever they want..

 

Traitor Bain:Whatever we want? Powdered bone goodness!<Adjusts his sensors to view Stargate SG1> Oh yeah, Amanda Tapping, you can do a systems check anytime you want, baby..

<Bain's traitor titan companions look dumbfolded at the Khornate Banelord>

Traitor Bain:Oh, for Khorne's sake, give me a break!

Animus Messor: On a second thought, Bain has a point. Amanda Tapping IS hot!

Dies Irae: Meh, I'd go for Sigourney Weaver..

<All the other traitor titans stare dumbfolded at Dies Irae>

Dies Irae: I'm over 30.000 years old, darn it! She was after all one of the first female heroines!

Traitor Lovebird: Didn't she co-star with one of the first incarnations of the Tyranid Genestealer species?

Dies Irae: Heck if I know.. I haven't studied the Tyranid Evolution..

-Whilst the Traitor Titans argue with themselves of whom of the two female actors is hotter, the Warlords of the Warp Runners Legio are withdrawing towards the Titan Fitting silos of Arch-Magos Peterbilt

Ol'Imperio: Still doesn't feel right to flee from combat..

Princeps Hoare: We are not fleeing, God-Machine. We are making a tactical withdrawal to better engage our enemies..

Moderati Riz: And on a side note, we're out of Guinness..

Steersman Bob: Like that's a good reason to leave battle..

Moderati Riz: Hey, I work better under the influence of alcohol!

Narrator: -The Author would like to pinpoint that The God-Machines Walk! do NOT encourage to drink alcohol. It destroys the brain and leads to all kinds of social problems.

Moderati Riz: That's a bunch of Grox crap and you KNOW it!

Narrator: That's not for you to decide.

Moderati Riz: Oh really? I like to enjoy a nice cold keg of [iCETEA]!

Moderati Riz: Hey! That's not what I said! I demand freedom of speech!

Narrator: Noted and denied..

Moderati Riz: Fine, if you want it that way.. the author is a friggin' A[wesome and skilled writ]E[r] and can be [hailed] straight to TERRA!

Moderati Riz: Awww.. frag it..

Narrator: God-like editing skills, baby..

Moderati Riz: Friggin' nazies, man..

-As the Moderati rants about his lack of freedom of speech, Arch-Magos peterbilt looks concerned at the advance of the Traitor titans towards his Titan fitting silos from an enormous viewscreen inside the main command room.

Arch-Magos Peterbilt: Patch me through to Skitarii commander Prime.

Comms-Servitor: Opening vox-link. Begin transmission, Arch-Magos.

Arch-Magos Peterbilt: Commander Prime, I'm sending you this pic-feed from one of our sensor-stations out in the desert..

Commander Prime: Decepticons!

Arch-Magos Peterbilt: Negative, Commander Prime. Those are traitor titans mostly from the Legio Mortis titan legion.

Commander Prime: DECEPTICONS!

Arch-Magos Peterbilt:<facepalms>

Comms-Servitor: Query: Does Commander Prime mean the traitor titans are deceptions?

Arch-Magos Peterbilt: Nah, he just needs his mind scrubbed.. Commander Prime has been watching Michael Bay's Transformers again..

Comms-Servitor: Duly noted, Arch-Magos..

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  • 2 weeks later...

Oh, man, this is one of the funniest things I've read. I don't know if I want to read any BL titan stuff And the side story with Nox and Lux is hilarious as well! I can't wait to read the next chapter.

By the way I can just see Sensori Addie as that fat guard from Hogun's Heroes...

Oh, and I thought it was UBER-FREEM?

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