IA: The Stonebound

[Ferrus Manus]

In the Homeworld section you could talk about how the Chapter recruits the populace perhaps?

[Ace Debonair]

Better still, a few people have requested I make this IA longer. I don't really know where to start, so does anyone think anything is missing?

 

maybe major battles, a description of a notable character? religon, anything really. maybe an inquistors account of the chapter?

 

Iron Gauntlet: 10/20 HALFWAY :)

 

 

Religion. Good one. The culture I'm basing these guys on didn't have a religion. I think the Stonebound won't quite go that far, though. This will require me to sleep on the idea.

Notable character, also a good idea. I can enter him for the character part of the challenge, too.

 

Consider your 'halfway' fully justified. :lol:

[Reyner]

Where you say the marines celebrate after a battle you could work that into your Chapters belief system to help extend the article? Saying why they would do this or something similar.

[DarkUncle2003]

Hey Ace,

 

What color is the armor, brown or bronze or brass? I can't tell from the pictures what was intended.

 

I think you should have tech-marines be somewhat pre-eminent. Don't forget that White-scars librarians are more like Shaman, maybe you could call them something like Stone-Guides or something and have one of their things be going off alone into the caves for visions before battles or what not.

 

I like the addition of the battle barges and such. Helps to round out the chapter.

 

I like the sculpting idea and think that it fits well in some instances but that takes them away from the idea of a 'nordic-mongol' hybrid and puts them into the realm of the Normans.

 

I think if you are not familiar with Norman military history you should spend a minute or two reading up on them. They seem to fit what you have going here, at least in a historical sense.

 

To lengthen it I would put in an excerpt from a speech of some great guy, or some opinions from other groups within the Imperium. I also think that maybe if you created a breakdown of like the current chapter master and the captains of the watch, arsenal, fleet it would give you more of a 'fleshed out' feeling. I think that is all the others are looking for.

 

Hope that helps. Also do the stonebound utilize jump packs often or are they a more terrestrial sort?

 

Gauntlet Challenge 1: 6/20

[Ace Debonair]

Good points Ferrus Manus, Reyner and DarkUncle2003.

 

I'll put my thinking cap on for what the recruitment process will be - killing a Gor'da gets you into the Redwings so I need something else.

 

How's this for an idea: (not related to recruitment)

 

Chaplains & Techmarines

The techmarines of the Stonebound are considered amongst the most honoured members of the chapter. Outside of battle, as well as dealing with the duties commonly associated with Techmarines, such as repairs and maintenance of the machine spirits, they are frequently called upon to dispense guidance and spiritual lore to the marines. Once, this was solely the duties of the chaplain, but over time the lines have been blurred between the two ranks. Chaplains of the Stonebound are frequently students of mechanical lore that did not go to mars with the chapter's techmarines, and thus serve more as assistants to the techmarines than anything else. In battle, however, chaplains and Techmarines both fulfil the roles they were intended to carry out - neither intruding into the duties of the other.

 

Plausible? Acceptable? Any good?

I think the librarians might be called Sages in this chapter. More on this once I work out exaclty what I want from them.

 

 

The armour of the Stonebound is primarily dark, muddy brown. At least, on my computer. :(

Bronze or brass would probably replace gold on captains and other high-ranking types, though, since you bring the colours up.

 

I think I see what you're getting at regarding jump packs. Would it be acceptable for assault squads to go without them, or just plain stupid? I see assault squads as simply being loaded down with chain-mail and axes, marching on foes implacably rather than dropping on them out of the sky. If this isn't a workable idea, though, I can drop it.

 

The celebrations are an excuse to get roaring drunk, generally. I'm not sure that ties into the chapter so well, though. Perhaps a more semi-spiritual reason for it might be appropriate.

 

I know very little about the normans. I'll read up on them shortly. Hopefully any incidental similarities between the Stonebound and the Normans aren't a problem.

Edited January 9, 2010 by Ace Debonair

[Dosjetka]

I was basically thinking of the marines of your chapter having a small piece of rock of their home planet. They would be basically "bound" to that stone and would vow to never loose it. To loose it would be to bring dishonor unto himself and maybe that marine would be sent on a mission to show that he is still worthy of staying in the chapter and that he still believes in the Emperor. The stone could be from the bits left form when a shrine was built in one of the caves of the planet. Maybe a shrine to the primarch or to the Emperor himself! Or maybe just a chapter hero who saved the planet from an invasion or something along those lines...or even maybe the chapter think that one particular mountain/large rock was blessed by the Emperor and they carved out a thousand little slates of that stone and passed them round to each marine. So basically each slate is passed down from generation to generation and each one is a relic (though the ones from chapter masters, captains, etc...are more valuable). There could be an oath/prayer written on each one maybe? What do you think?

 

Well that's my 2 pence worth! Hope you like it!

 

Gauntlet Challenge 1: 1/20

 

BB Ludovic

 

Edit: feel free to tweak any bit of this that you want, i won't mind (it would be stupid to post my idea if it were not to be tweaked) :(

Edited January 9, 2010 by Battle-Brother Ludovic

[space wolf]

just to piggy back on that idea, perhaps there are only a few of these relics left, and they act as iron halos or the like.

 

and to follow up...maybe they use a lot of drop pods, but they have massive drills on them. So the drop them from the other side of the planet, they drill through the crust, and come up under the ground where the conflict is raging. "SURPRISE SUCKA, I BET YOU THOUGHT WE WERE COMMIN' FROM THE SKY! WE THE STONEBOUND!"

[Dosjetka]

hmm...well i don't know...as all of the marines are stonebound they should all have access to this...

 

BB Ludovic

[DarkUncle2003]

just to piggy back on that idea, perhaps there are only a few of these relics left, and they act as iron halos or the like.

 

and to follow up...maybe they use a lot of drop pods, but they have massive drills on them. So the drop them from the other side of the planet, they drill through the crust, and come up under the ground where the conflict is raging. "SURPRISE SUCKA, I BET YOU THOUGHT WE WERE COMMIN' FROM THE SKY! WE THE STONEBOUND!"

 

 

Lol...so basically "gangsta mole people". I love it

[Ace Debonair]

and to follow up...maybe they use a lot of drop pods, but they have massive drills on them. So they drop them from the other side of the planet, they drill through the crust, and come up under the ground where the conflict is raging. "SURPRISE SUCKA, I BET YOU THOUGHT WE WERE COMMIN' FROM THE SKY! WE THE STONEBOUND!"

:)

That's hilarious. Possibly the funniest thing anyone's ever said about one of my chapters, myself included.

 

Lol...so basically "gangsta mole people". I love it

:blush:

It's so awesomely silly I'm nearly tempted to do that, even though planet-drilling drop-pods are probably serious heresy and I definitively don't want a comedy chapter. Much yelling of "yo, fools, shoulda watched your other up!" and "We comin' up - you goin' down!" and other such honourable tunneling jokes.

 

..But on another, more serious note, the ancient stone tablets are a novel idea. I can have them as something for the librarians, perhaps.

My chapter's marines already have a point of personal honour in their individual axes, and adding a second one might be overkill. They can still all be 'bound to the ancient stones' by honour and reverence and stuff, but I think there'll be less of them than Battle Brother Ludovic originally intended.

 

Also, once I refresh my memory on the coding, I'm gong to do a sidebar about a famous battle. It's going to mention a chaos chapter I've been semi-working on in my head. They're a long way off getting their own IA or anything, but I need to iron the name out now, so opinions, please. Does the 'Nightmare Claws' sound like an acceptable chaos warband name?

Edited January 9, 2010 by Ace Debonair

[DarkUncle2003]

First, LOL.

 

Second I like the name of the warband.

 

I'm just waiting for an update and trying to find time to put my Emerald Lament chapter to work.

 

The model is coming along well btw.

[Reyner]

BBCodes codes for you ;)

Nightmare Claws sounds a reasonable Chaos Warband name.

[Ace Debonair]

Positive response for Nightmare's Claws.

Good stuff.

 

Added all the stuff I've written that hasn't been torn into yet, and some stuff about the Librarians and Saga-Stones. (inspired by Battle-Brother Ludovic's idea, good thinking that man.)

 

DarkUncle2003;

The model is coming along well btw.

Excellent news. :huh: Have you added any chainmail to said model? ;)

 

Newest version of the IA is open for business.

Shred the ideas therein at your leisure.

[DarkUncle2003]

Ace,

 

It is looking very well put together now. As for the model yes, chain mail. Only going to be a regular marine though b/c I at least have no ability to do Chainmail+tabard in GS, my fu is weak.

 

I was reading through the new bit and I was thinking that the addition of why they drink and feast is a good one. Not big but important.

 

I was reading the sentence with "Two years later ...and then the orks came." Something about that sentence just doesn't flow right for me.

 

The addition of the nightmare claws was great, but to think that a here-to-fore unknown chaos warband could destroy an entire chapter, so quickly and completely, especially a chapter like the red sabres who are either founding 3, 4 or 5. Unless there is something more sinister going on (which I hope is certainly the case !!)

 

I will PM you a wip shot of the model here this morning or this evening (depending on the time I have)

[Dosjetka]

lol yeah, i think using them as a librarian tablet, or maybe just a prayer stone or somthng would be good. i didn't realise they all had a personal CCW so yeah, it would be overkill to do both. :rolleyes:

 

BB Ludovic

 

Edit: I like the name of that warband. i can feel something good coming ^_^

i hope i'm right! ^_^

Edited January 10, 2010 by Battle-Brother Ludovic

[Ace Debonair]

Believe me, I have big ideas for the Nightmare's Claws.

But they'll wait until after the Stonebound are finished now, unless the the entire forum wants more on them immediately.

 

I want to do an IA (are the chaos ones called IT's?) for them, so I really want to keep their role in the Stonebound's IA to a minimum.

 

Actually, the idea with the tabards was so I could make use of the black templar ones that I have lying about should I get around to making some models. ;)

I intend to put chain-mail on the back of them and simply have the fabric sewn to the metal.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

I want to do an IA (are the chaos ones called IT's?)

 

Yup, short for Index Traitoris.

[Ace Debonair]

I want to do an IA (are the chaos ones called IT's?)

 

Yup, short for Index Traitoris.

 

Ah, I thought so. Many thanks.

But that's (literally) going to be a story for another day.

 

EDIT: Edited the part of the story with the arrival of the Orks.

 

Can anyone spot any problems with the content of this IA up to now, in any way?

Edited January 10, 2010 by Ace Debonair

[DarkUncle2003]

One thing I would LIKE to see, is a sidebar about maybe one of the sagas, or maybe a poem or w/e about the fall of the Red Sabres.

 

I sent you a PM with a pic of that model.

 

I am going to put some paint on it tonight, undercoat and such.

 

Another thing I would like to know is if your chapter is organized into companies, great companies or what. Maybe the names of the captains, or pick one company beside the Redwing and put up some personal heraldry and a bit of history of the captain, etc.

[Ace Debonair]

I'll have a think over what to do for the captains.

 

I reckon the Stonebound will have a codex-compatible organisation, since I have no real reason to go with anything different.

I'm open to suggestions, of course.

 

My biggest question - one that hasn't had an answer yet - is about assault squads.

 

I think I see what you're getting at regarding jump packs. Would it be acceptable for assault squads to go without them, or just plain stupid? I see assault squads as simply being loaded down with chain-mail and axes, marching on foes implacably rather than dropping on them out of the sky. If this isn't a workable idea, though, I can drop it.

 

Maybe not multiple axes, on balance.

A shield, possibly, but not multiple axes.

 

I might write a sidebar about one of the company captains. I just need to think up something he can do that justifies a sidebar.

[Dosjetka]

well...i'm quite speechless...i've just re-read your IA and i've seen that i have nothing bad to say about it! first time! so i congratulate you very warmly! i'll keep you noted if i do find something but for now, it's really good! (i won't say perfect as nothing is perfect, but it's as near as perfect as can be for me! ;) :tu: )

 

can't wait for the stone tablet part to be added in! ;)

 

good luck for the rest! i'll be watching!

 

BB Ludovic

 

Edit: does that count as a constructive comment or not ;) if it does then it's 5/20 for me, yay! :lol:

Edited January 11, 2010 by Battle-Brother Ludovic

[Ace Debonair]

Well, Battle Brother Ludovic.

 

The tablets are already in - they're the Librarian's Saga-Stones.

I had to put my own spin on the idea. You know how it is. :P

 

As much as it grieves me to bear bad news to someone who obviously liked what he read in one of my IA's, I always understood constructive criticism to be highlighting errors in structure or plotline, and ideally positing solutions or alternatives for the original writer to consider.

 

Whether or not saying you couldn't find any faults counts as your 5/20 is a decision perhaps for the more experienced members who might have competed in similar contests before.

 

Even if it isn't, though, it's good news as far as I'm concerned if people can't find any faults. :huh:

[Lysimachus]

Ok Ace, sorry I’ve not had time to have a more detailed look at this one. For the time being I’ve skipped any grammar stuff and I’ll just dive into the ideas/themes of the Chapter

 

Captain D'ain Maurak looked into the single eye of the ancient marine who had called into question the honour of his chapter. Picking up the iron gauntlet, he considered his words carefully. "You have seen much battle, my brother. Your armour tells me, as clearly as your words, that you are a man of honour; but to question my chapter's worth is an error in judgement." Dain stood proud and tall, crashing his hand againt his chest, accompanied by the rustling jingle of his chain-mail tabard. "We are the Stonebound - let me tell you of our saga."

 

I love this quote, really nice way to tie into SP’s intro to the challenge! To be honest though it’s not technically part of the IA; put it above the main header?

 

Origins/Homeworld.

All good and that, but doesn’t really flow right to me.

Personally I think it would be better to do it the traditional way, Origins first, then Homeworld. As it is it kind of jumps about a bit? The info itself is fine, I just think it could do with being re-organized a bit. Maybe a re-write of these sections? (Lysimachus ducks the axe thrown at his head!)

 

Beliefs.

Perhaps expand on their views of the Emperor and the Khan a bit, kinda short. Also, any particular Chapter Holy Days/Festivals they celebrate? Might add a bit more character to them?

 

Combat Doctrine.

The Stonebound favour melee combat over ranged combat, and have a love of assault squads and bikes. However, as such tactics often carry the risk of failure against the brutal Orks, the Stonebound have resignedly accepted that a need for heavy firepower is essential. Fast attack tactics, therefore, have been replaced with the use of heavy armour to support the flanks whilst devastators and other marine squads hold the centre.

 

This feels a bit contradictory, might be better to suggest that they used to be focussed on melee, rapid assault, etc like White Scars, but since fighting Orks have been forced to take up more balanced doctrine, then mention tanks, devvies, etc?

 

some of the more skilled marines carry axes for the purpose of throwing into enemies.

 

Not sure about this. I mean, it sounds cool but really? They’re gonna do more damage with an axe than with a bolt shell? Plus, to my mind the axe replaces a typical Tactical Marine’s combat knife, in practical terms it’s a back up for if they run out of ammo. If they were in that situation, it’d be a bad idea to throw your only weapon away, no? :D

 

crossed blades with traitor warbands

 

Hmm, based in Seg Pacificus near borders with Tempestus and Solar? Might have come across my Iron Gods in recent history then!

 

Sidebar.

Might be best to add something along the lines of the enemy being weakened from crushing the Red Sabres defences? Otherwise you wonder why the Stonebound are so much more successful than anyone else, potentially a bit MISS (you’ve been doing this long enough to know what that stands for, haven’t you? ;) )

 

Organization.

The Stonebound mostly follow the organisation as laid out in the Codex, but unlike their parent chapter, the Red Sabres, the Stonebound have some similarities with the White Scars.

 

This sounds odd. The Sabres went away from the WS tactics, but the Stonebound have gone back to it? Might be better if the Sabres were more WS style, and your guys have moved away from it slightly. Would also be another reason why the Sabres didn’t do so well when it came to being put in a defensive position in sidebar! :D

 

There is also a larger than average number of bikes in the Chapter

 

Again, would sound better if you just said that although they’ve moved away somewhat from their predecessors tactics they still maintain a larger than average number of bikes?

 

Gene-seed is good, perhaps a little short, if you can think of anything further to add?

 

The rest seems very good, hope this helps at least a little!

 

Lysimachus

 

PC 11/40

Edited January 11, 2010 by Strike Captain Lysimachus

[Ace Debonair]

Captain D'ain Maurak looked into the single eye of the ancient marine who had called into question the honour of his chapter. Picking up the iron gauntlet, he considered his words carefully. "You have seen much battle, my brother. Your armour tells me, as clearly as your words, that you are a man of honour; but to question my chapter's worth is an error in judgement." Dain stood proud and tall, crashing his hand againt his chest, accompanied by the rustling jingle of his chain-mail tabard. "We are the Stonebound - let me tell you of our saga."

 

I love this quote, really nice way to tie into SP’s intro to the challenge! To be honest though it’s not technically part of the IA; put it above the main header?

 

Good one. I actually thought I'd already done that.

Origins/Homeworld.

All good and that, but doesn’t really flow right to me.

Personally I think it would be better to do it the traditional way, Origins first, then Homeworld. As it is it kind of jumps about a bit? The info itself is fine, I just think it could do with being re-organized a bit. Maybe a re-write of these sections? (Lysimachus ducks the axe thrown at his head!)

 

Alright, maybe I'll look into re-writing it the old-fashioned way. It made sense at the time to introduce the factors that would shape the chapter. Also, only ducking one axe? ;)

Beliefs.

Perhaps expand on their views of the Emperor and the Khan a bit, kinda short. Also, any particular Chapter Holy Days/Festivals they celebrate? Might add a bit more character to them?

Actually it's kind of short because they don't really deviate from the usual perspectives. If I did write more, people would tell me to stop telling them what they already know. You see the bind I'm in?

More festival days, eh? Is the one already in there not enough? I'll see if I can invent another one, perhaps.

 

Combat Doctrine.

The Stonebound favour melee combat over ranged combat, and have a love of assault squads and bikes. However, as such tactics often carry the risk of failure against the brutal Orks, the Stonebound have resignedly accepted that a need for heavy firepower is essential. Fast attack tactics, therefore, have been replaced with the use of heavy armour to support the flanks whilst devastators and other marine squads hold the centre.

 

This feels a bit contradictory, might be better to suggest that they used to be focussed on melee, rapid assault, etc like White Scars, but since fighting Orks have been forced to take up more balanced doctrine, then mention tanks, devvies, etc?

I swear to The Emperor this made perfect sense when I wrote it. :lol: I'll revise this.

 

some of the more skilled marines carry axes for the purpose of throwing into enemies.

 

Not sure about this. I mean, it sounds cool but really? They’re gonna do more damage with an axe than with a bolt shell? Plus, to my mind the axe replaces a typical Tactical Marine’s combat knife, in practical terms it’s a back up for if they run out of ammo. If they were in that situation, it’d be a bad idea to throw your only weapon away, no? :ermm:

I see why you might think that. However, this is because I left out the key word additional. I'll add that in. Also, I'm not sure why a successfully thrown axe would not inflict considerable damage to an unarmoured enemy. That aside, I'll try to make it sound like a last resort tactic in case that works better.

 

crossed blades with traitor warbands

 

Hmm, based in Seg Pacificus near borders with Tempestus and Solar? Might have come across my Iron Gods in recent history then!

 

Oops! I thought your lot were further west, for some reason. Perhaps I subconsciously stole the location from you!

In any event, if I recall correctly the Iron Gods were steering clear of other space marines for the time being. Possibly even stirring up the Orks somehow to keep the Stonebound busy... but surely Talek Varn hasn't fallen that far... right?

 

Or, if you prefer, I can move my bunch. That might be easier. The actual mention of warbands in that instance is to hint at the Nightmare's Claws, who are easily moved as well.

 

Sidebar.

Might be best to add something along the lines of the enemy being weakened from crushing the Red Sabres defences? Otherwise you wonder why the Stonebound are so much more successful than anyone else, potentially a bit MISS (you’ve been doing this long enough to know what that stands for, haven’t you? ;) )

 

Yes indeed, I suppose I ought to make it obvious the Stonebound had the advantage in the fight. I also hadn't really made mention of any casualties sustained, another lamentable error on my part.

Although I put all great successes down to the throwing axes, incidentally. :yes:

 

Organization.

The Stonebound mostly follow the organisation as laid out in the Codex, but unlike their parent chapter, the Red Sabres, the Stonebound have some similarities with the White Scars.

 

This sounds odd. The Sabres went away from the WS tactics, but the Stonebound have gone back to it? Might be better if the Sabres were more WS style, and your guys have moved away from it slightly. Would also be another reason why the Sabres didn’t do so well when it came to being put in a defensive position in sidebar! :D

 

I was sort of playing for that on purpose. The idea was that although the Red Sabres were deviant from the White Scars' outlook, the Stonebound were more of a throwback.

I'm not sure whether to abandon this idea now or to try and make it clearer somehow first, and see if I can make it work.

 

There is also a larger than average number of bikes in the Chapter

 

Again, would sound better if you just said that although they’ve moved away somewhat from their predecessor's tactics they still maintain a larger than average number of bikes?

 

Yeah, that's fair enough. That works regardless of which way the Stonebound go regarding the comparisons with the White Scars.

 

Gene-seed is good, perhaps a little short, if you can think of anything further to add?

 

The rest seems very good, hope this helps at least a little!

 

Lysimachus

 

PC 11/40

Yep, that's your number 11/20 alright.

Geneseed is, without a doubt, the most annoying bit to write. I can't think of anything relevant to add. A deviation in geneseed-quality would be a nice touch, although I don't really know where to go with that apart from an inclination to grow beards, scowl and mutter in their own language at people. And even then that's probably homeworld/culture stuff.

 

Consider many of the points you made edited. So far I've left the order of the IA as it is, and I haven't moved the Stonebound's position on the galactic map yet.

I also haven't quite disowned the 'throwback' idea. Does the IA look any better now?

Edited January 11, 2010 by Ace Debonair

[Ace Debonair]

Alright, that's the IA updated.

 

I've added my idea about the assault marines too since nobody, as yet, has shot it down.

If anyone wishes to, I'd prefer it if they do so now before I get too attached to the idea. :D

 

I'm working on a character for this chapter still in my head, but if the assault marine idea doesn't work out I'll have to think of something different for him.

Maybe he'll go in with the next update.