IA: The Stonebound

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

I suppose its good when the worst thing someone can say about your chapter is its hard to find things to criticize XD

 

I seem to be in the same boat as you when it comes to Chaplains though. I have librarians fulfilling all sorts of roles, and techmarines are well respected, but where do the charlie chaplains fit in?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I really like this alot... It's very evocative of the sort of images you get when you imagine the Adeptus Astartes.. If I saw this as an officail GW Chapter, I'd probably make an army of them!

 

I think you have developed a wonderful style in this piece.

 

 

The following is not especially pertinent, but made me chuckle...

 

First off, let me say I think your writing skills have severally improved and you can tell with this piece. It's very good. :lol:

 

You have severally improved.. Sahme about Ferrus Manus though :P

[Ace Debonair]

I really like this alot... It's very evocative of the sort of images you get when you imagine the Adeptus Astartes.. If I saw this as an officail GW Chapter, I'd probably make an army of them!

 

I think you have developed a wonderful style in this piece.

Thanks!

 

If you feel compelled to make a Stonebound model, or even an army, I'll be the last to stop you! :blink:

Seriously, I'm just glad that I've done something that hasn't met with frowns of disapproval.

 

 

The following is not especially pertinent, but made me chuckle...

 

First off, let me say I think your writing skills have severally improved and you can tell with this piece. It's very good. :lol:

 

You have severally improved.. Sahme about Ferrus Manus though :P

 

Actually, I like the sound of severally improved. :P

Makes me sound way better than I used to be. :lol:

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I really like this alot... It's very evocative of the sort of images you get when you imagine the Adeptus Astartes.. If I saw this as an officail GW Chapter, I'd probably make an army of them!

 

I think you have developed a wonderful style in this piece.

Thanks!

 

If you feel compelled to make a Stonebound model, or even an army, I'll be the last to stop you! :blink:

Seriously, I'm just glad that I've done something that hasn't met with frowns of disapproval.

 

 

 

I can't paint... Or model.. Or even put together... :lol:

 

but I thinkthe scheme would look good on a full army!

[Ace Debonair]

Ok, freshly updated with a quick and dirty re-organizing of the sections and a general examination.

 

I also edited the chaplains' role in the chapter a bit.

 

Any thoughts?

[Lt. Smash]

Cool.

The alternating header color I personally find is a nice touch.

 

It's quite an interesting read, although I haven't finished it yet.

 

No actual C and/or C, just thought I'd let you know that you have a cool Chapter.

[Lysimachus]

Hey, Ace, I'm liking the change to the order of sections, makes it easier to read.

 

The Origins and Homeworld sections are still a little confused to me though, content is fine but some of the info seems a bit out of place. What about something like this (also, hope you don't mind but while I was writing I took the liberty of making a few grammar changes on the first few sections, just easier than trying to point them out):

 

 

 

Captain D'ain Maurak looked steadily into the single eye of the ancient marine before him. Picking up the iron gauntlet, he considered his words carefully. "You have seen much battle, my brother. Your armour tells me, as clearly as your words, that you are a man of honour. However, to question my Chapter's worth is an error in judgement." D'ain stood proud and tall, crashing his hand against his chest, accompanied by the rustling jingle of his chain-mail tabard. "We are the Stonebound - let me tell you of our saga."

 

History:

"...They called us 'Stone Giants', for nothing their weapons could do could hurt us. Had we come to wage war, I would think nothing of it, and slain them like any other enemy. But the name has... appeal. We Astartes, bound in armour as enduring as the stone on which we stand..."

From the saga of Alar Baines, Grand Captain of the Stonebound.

 

Created in the Sixth Founding from the gene-seed of Jaghatai Khan via the Red Sabres, the Chapter that would come to be known as the Stonebound were assigned to the Segmentum Pacificus to combat the threat of ever increasing Ork incursions. A cadre of Red Sabres veterans would train them for a time, overseeing the maturation of their first five generations of recruits, then return to their home Chapter. Alar Baines was the leader of this cadre, but would not claim the position of Chapter Master, insisting that his role was only to mentor the Chapter for a short time. He instead took up the title of Grand Captain.

 

Baines

Edited February 10, 2010 by Strike Captain Lysimachus

[Lysimachus]

Well, as promised, had a more detailed look through the rest of the IA. The main things I noticed were a few grammar bits.

 

Also in a few places, although the ideas themselves are good, they seemed a bit disjointed in the way they were presented? Hence, I've done the same thing as before and moved some stuff around a bit into what seems to me to be a bit more logical order.

 

Again, none of what I've done below is intended to be pushing in and you're free to use as much or as little of it as you like, I just find it easier to write it as it comes and let you decide! :cuss

 

 

Combat Doctrine:

"When the time comes to do battle, The Emperor cares not which weapon you wield, as long as you wield it well and slay as many enemies as He puts before you."

Sergeant K'ahl Rocma of the Stonebound tenth company instructing recruits.

 

At their inception, the Stonebound, like the majority of White Scars successor Chapters, favoured quick, hard-hitting assaults over ranged combat and many of their tactics focussed on the use of Astartes bikes and jump packs. However, these very tactics often played into the hands of the brutal Orks and after several early losses, the Stonebound resignedly saw the wisdom of sometimes adopting a more defensive posture. Therefore, since that time, the Chapter has reformed itself into a more balanced and flexible fighting force; often using armoured vehicles and heavy weapons to protect their flanks while the main Stonebound battle line advances or holds objectives.

 

Nonetheless, individual Stonebound warriors continue to pride themselves on their proficiency in close quarters combat, becoming particularly skilled with the axes they each carry. Chapter Marines train almost constantly with these weapons, many learning to hurl them with deadly strength and accuracy in the event that a bolt clip should run empty at an inopportune moment.

The Stonebound Assault Squads number among the finest of the Chapters axe wielders, many of them carrying heavy two-handed blades with which to annihilate their enemies. Although it is not unheard of for such squads to utilize jump packs, these are typically employed only for battles in difficult terrain. Generally, Assault Squads in the Chapter prefer to rely on their Rhino transports to get them into the thick of battle and provide cover.

 

Whilst Orks are still the foremost enemy of the Stonebound, they have also crossed blades with marauding Chaos warbands, put down heretical planetary rebellions, and in more recent times fought against a Tyranid Splinter Fleet believed to be a part of Hive Fleet Leviathan. The tactics used by the Stonebound change to suit the terrain and the enemy, but one thing is always placed above all others - ferocity.

 

 

Organisation:

"The Great Khan saw in the tome written by his brother Primarch words of true wisdom. Who are we, then, to doubt those words?"

Chapter Master Jorn Fellis of the Stonebound. (Edit: I know this was from the Red Sabres master, but figured it made more sense from Jorn, as it was under him they would've changed to be more 'Codex'?)

 

For the most part, the Stonebound follow the pattern of Chapter organization laid out in the Codex Astartes, fielding ten Companies of around one hundred Space Marines. As one might expect, these Companies are structured into Veteran, Battle, Reserve and Scout formations respectively. However, although the Stonebound follow the Codex Astartes, there are still many similarities in their structure with their parent Chapter, the Red Sabres, and by extension with their primogenitor Legion, the White Scars.

 

For example, the Stonebound Armoury maintains a much larger than average number of Space Marine bikes, and all brethren are well trained in their use. Further, much like the original Legion from which they descend, the Stonebound always break up recruits taken from the same tribe and induct them into different Companies, thereby promoting a strong sense of unity throughout the Chapter - irrespective of which Kagaran tribe a Marine comes from, he is now Stonebound, forever more. Finally, the White Scars attitude regarding internment within a Dreadnought continues to hold much weight among the Stonebound, and many Chapter brethren see the hulking machines as nothing more than walking tombs. However, this is not to say that the Stonebound have no Dreadnoughts. Over the course of many centuries, a not inconsiderable number within the Chapter have become more comfortable with the ancient weapons, and see the opportunity to continue to serve the Emperor as one of ‘the Ironbound’ as a great honour.

 

In homage to their parent chapter, the Stonebound named their First Company the Redwings. Members of the Redwings are usually ancient marines; long-bearded, grizzled warriors who combine the wisdom of countless battles with ferocious skill-at-arms. Marines in the 1st Company paint their pauldrons a dull red and each Veteran also wears a plain red tabard over their armour. These tabards are common decorated with personal heraldry, as well as badges and honours recognizing a Marine’s individual achievements. When a member of the Redwings dies his tabard is hung on the outer walls of the Fortress-Monastery, at it appears from a distance that the Ka’hagul is anointed in the blood of these heroes.

 

Entry into the 1st Company is marked by a test of skill - a Marine wishing to enter the Redwings must walk alone under the earth until he can claim a feather from the crest of a Gor'da. Hunting and stalking the beast in the pitch-dark caverns is difficult enough; and fighting a Gor'da alone is a true test even for the highly skilled Astartes. The badge of the Redwings is therefore a single red feather that is carved onto their armour, as well as onto any vehicles assigned to the 1st Company. Each Company Captain in the Stonebound is always promoted from the ranks of the Redwings.

 

Any campaigns outside of the Sector in which the Stonebound are based receive the attention of one of the Chapter's two Battle Barges, the Ni'halm (Black Shield) and the Arn (Axeblade). When on campaign in a Battle Barge, the Stonebound seldom deploy less than two Companies to any engagement, reckoning that overwhelming an enemy force as quickly and brutally as possible is always the best way to proceed.

 

 

Beliefs:

"Look after your armour, brother. You will find nothing else that so effectively keeps the Ork's fangs from your throat."

Techmarine Rha’kol (Thought this would make sense from a Techy, made up a name! :) )

 

In Kagaran society, two abilities are prized over all others; skill in battle and craftsmanship, whether in carving stone or forging steel. From a very young age, Kagarans are taught these skills and in Kagaran warrior tradition, a man is only truly a man when he has forged his own chain-mail and his own axe, and is ready to use them in the defence of his people. The beliefs of the Stonebound have been heavily influenced by the attitudes of the Kagaran people and when not on campaign or training, Chapter brethren spend much time developing their skills. Each Marine learns to lovingly care for his own weapons and armour, but also to create other pieces, statues and sculptures in metal and stone, ornately decorated to commemorate victories or other notable events.

 

Among the many practices adopted from the Kagaran population, the one that most often draws questions from other Imperial servants is the tradition of Stonebound Marines wearing chain-mail coats over their power armour. Considering the remarkable protection already provided by Astartes power armour, the function of this chainmail is far more decorative than practical, yet a Marine of the Stonebound would be as likely to leave his bolter behind as he would to forsake it. Veteran Marines often make even more extensive use of chain-mail, covering their shoulders, arms and upper legs, and many of the Chapter’s fighting vehicles are similarly adorned.

 

Given the skills and devotion to craftsmanship among the Stonebound, it is unsurprising that the Chapter is able to maintain a higher than normal number of older suits of power armour. Many Marines within the Chapter wear their Mark VI armour with pride, while some veterans can boast of acquiring even older Marks. The Stonebound have an almost spiritual relationship with their arms and armour and it is therefore also unsurprising that Techmarines are figures of some stature within the Chapter. Not only do they take care of more complex repairs and maintain the well-being of the Chapter’s machine spirits, but often Battle Brothers approach them when they have a need for spiritual advice.

 

For this reason, the functionality of the Chapter Reclusiarchy is somewhat altered as well; their role more closely approximating the one held in other Chapters by a Master of the Recruits. Chaplains of the Stonebound focus much of their time on the 10th Company, instilling fierce pride, unbending belief and cold fear into their recruits. This fear is vital, as conquering it is a key part of the recruit's training, making them ready to face the innumerable terrors of the dark galaxy around them.

 

Librarians in the chapter are referred to as Sages, and during daily ceremonies will read from the Sagas - accounts of fabled heroes that are recorded on Saga-Stones. These stones are taken from the walls of same cavern in which the Ka’hagul stands, and are only used to record the words and deeds of the Chapter's bravest and most fierce warriors. After battles, celebrations to honour the victory and the memories of brothers fallen in battle are held. These celebrations consist largely of impromptu feasts, and Librarians or Chaplains will write and sing songs of the battle fought, or of the heroic actions of those who died. The feasts can last from anywhere between an hour to several days, depending on if there are other battles to be fought immediately. The Stonebound hold that to not properly recognize a victory or a death will bring misfortune to the Chapter.

 

The Stonebound take the typical view of the Astartes that the Emperor, whilst a just and noble father and leader, is no God. They have much respect for their brother Astartes, and for the mighty Primarchs who led the loyalist legions in the days of the Horus Heresy.

 

 

Geneseed:

"You leave your humanity and your family in the past - they no longer matter. You are The Emperor's now, and you are our brother."

Apothecary H'rad Argate.

 

The Chapter descends from the line of the Great Khan, through his sons, the Red Sabres. Like their predecessors, the Stonebound show no signs of gene-seed degradation or mutation, although the aggression and ferocity commonly associated with the sons of Jaghatai Khan are present. However, while these frightening rages are all too prevalent amongst the Battle Brothers once their blood has been fired, when not fighting or feasting the Chapter’s Marines have a reputation among Imperial sources for being somewhat introverted, some even claiming that they are stubbornly and intractably ill-tempered. Certainly, it has been noted that the Stonebound are generally quiet around others, preferring to hold muted, short conversations amongst themselves in the Kagaran tongue. Communication between the Stonebound and other Imperial forces typically happens at command levels only, and informal exchanges are extremely rare.

 

Nonetheless, although quiet, the Stonebound are fiercely loyal to each other, and to any others whom they feel have earned their respect. These include Marines of other Chapters who have performed feats of daring or courage whilst fighting alongside the Stonebound, and occasionally a courageous Imperial Guard regiment has been able to count the Chapter amongst their most trustworthy allies.

 

Whether these traits are due to mutations in their gene-seed or simply to the influence of Kagaran culture has been widely debated, but the Chapter view such questionings as futile and unworthy of a warrior’s time. The Stonebound are what they are, as they ever have been and as they ever will be.

 

 

Battlecry:

"Your enemies are about to embark upon the road to the afterlife. It is only common courtesy to inform them beforehand."

Sergeant Garant Brot of the Tenth Company.

 

The Stonebound do not have a formal Chapter-wide battle cry, instead simply roaring wordless defiance in the face of whichever enemy dares to confront them. When engaging an enemy force, Captains are allowed the honour of sounding their battle cry first, followed by a crescendo of answering roars and calls from his brother marines.

 

 

Hope this is all somewhere approaching useful for you, Ace!

 

cheers

 

Lysimachus

 

IG PC 25/40

Edited February 16, 2010 by Strike Captain Lysimachus

[Ace Debonair]

Damn damn damn damn damn, I wish I could make my stuff read that well.

 

Lysimachus, I am totally just going to steal everything you've written for the Stonebound. :P You've somehow turned the geneseed section into my favourite part of the IA - your version captures in nine lines everything of the character I wanted the Chapter to have, and far more coherently than the present version.

 

I guess it makes more sense to have a Techmarine doing the armour quote. Heck, I even like the name. :P Likewise giving Jorn Fellis more quotes. Good man.

 

I'll update these guys either at the end of the week or at the start of next week, as I'm as busy as heck until then.

Not that that will stop me from commenting on other folks' stuff, hopefully. ;)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Why will no one rewrite mine? :P

 

:P

[Ace Debonair]

Which chapter did you have in mind, Juan?

 

Perhaps you ought to take the view that maybe yours doesn't need such sweeping edits. :lol:

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Which chapter did you have in mind, Juan?

 

Perhaps you ought to take the view that maybe yours doesn't need such sweeping edits. :lol:

 

Mine has been savaged, then I submitted it and Sigismund Himself savaged me as well :lol:

[Sigismund Himself]

It was a very restrained savaging though :)

 

I'll have a look through these guys tonight Ace.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

It was a very restrained savaging though :)

 

That it was, but thats because of the previous savagings I had had! :)

[Sigismund Himself]

Reading through the IA, it's hard to get a definite idea of the theme of these guys. There's a lot of ideas and event bouncing around (very cool ones I might add) but there doesn't seem to be a linking core idea as far as my poor sight can see. I was wondering if you could elaborate for me :to:

 

I think there's currently a bit too much detail on the chapter's homeworld. I would try to be a bit more concise in detailing it, especially as it's currently in both Origins and Homeworld.

 

From them, he learned much of the world, and they learned from him of the Legionnes Astartes, The Emperor, and the threat posed by the Orks.

Why would he bother? How would he speak to them? How would they understand such concepts given their upbringing in a tribal society?

 

Having Orks invade your world will mean they keep coming back unless you eradicate every single last spore. Just a bit of info to consider.

 

every ten years a feast is held outside the Fortress Monastery itself for all of Kagara's peoples to come and celebrate the honour earned that day.

This reads a bit

 

"Kagara? To me it is a land of safety amidst a sea of dangers. To me it is home. But I appreciate that you won't see much of that now, through the winter."

Oruc Be'scar of the Redwings company speaking to an officer of the Imperial Navy two years after the battle at Kagara.

Doesn't sound much like an Astarte to me unfortunately.

 

The Stonebound have adopted many practices from the Kagaran population, but the one that draws the most questions is the practice of wearing chain-mail over their power armour. In Kagaran warrior tradition, a man is only truly a warrior when he has his own chain-mail (made personally or by family) and his own axe. The function of the chainmail on an Astartes is merely to protect the power armour itself, and although it seldom turns aside any significant attacks, a marine of the Stonebound would be as likely to leave his bolter behind as forsake his chainmail and axe.

To me, the idea of wearing chain mail over the power armour just comes off sounding silly. The marines could simply see the symbolism of power armour as their version of chain mail. And the whole chain mail thing doesn't make much sense to me, given the tribal nature you've given to society. You wouldn't think there would be the ability to make chain mail on such a large scale, given the amount of warriors there would be, in a tribal society.

 

The Broken Sabre sidebar doesn't really seem to add anything to the chapter's theme currently. You need to have it make a greater impact on them and link this idea throughout the IA more.

 

Generally, I think the first thing I mentioned (theme) needs the most work. It's hard to get a definite idea of exactly how these guys are different from every other chapter. We get that they're different from other chapters but apart from that, the ideas are a bit muddled IMO. There needs to be a bit more of a unifying idea present throughout every section.

 

Hope this helps :P

[Lysimachus]

Glad to be of some help, Ace, feel free to use whatever you think fits! Just realized I forgot to have a run through the sidebar, I'll try to give it look over later!

 

@Sig: Just wondering, are you commenting on the original version or the revised version I suggested in posts 82,83? I agree with the points you've raised, but I think the possible changes make the whole thing a lot clearer? (I'm not certain, but I think from what Ace has said, he's planning to use at least some of what's there)

 

Good point on the sidebar, too. I wonder if it was sooner, maybe just a couple of hundred years or something (I mean Alar would already be dead 1,000 years later anyway, come to think of it), then perhaps make it would make the whole experience something that reassures Jorn Fellis that he's doing the right thing by changing his own Chapter's structure? Hmmm....

 

Back later!

 

Lysimachus

Edited February 17, 2010 by Strike Captain Lysimachus

[Ace Debonair]

every ten years a feast is held outside the Fortress Monastery itself for all of Kagara's peoples to come and celebrate the honour earned that day.

This reads a bit

 

Was there more to this particular criticism?

If not, I'm glad it reads a bit. ;)

 

What you say in your other posts makes sense, and I suppose I'll have put on my thinking cap a bit for some of the ideas bouncing about.

 

The idea behind the chainmail is to prevent damage to the much-venerated power armour. It doesn't do much in actuality, (because I didn't want people complaining of better armour) but will deflect superficial or clumsy blows and prevent them leaving a mark on the armour. If you can think of a way of removing the 'silly' from the idea, I'd love to hear it.

 

When Lysimachus says I'm going to be using some of his altered work, I hope he meant all of it, because that's pretty much my plan. :P

 

However, that won't be for a few days yet. Hopefully that's not going to be a problem.

 

Many thanks for the keen-eyed criticisms.

[Lysimachus]

When Lysimachus says I'm going to be using some of his altered work, I hope he meant all of it, because that's pretty much my plan.

 

Cut/Copy/Paste at will, mate, that's what it's there for!

 

looked at sidebar too, tried to tie it in with the rest of the article a bit more like Sig said:

 

The Broken Sabre

Almost two hundred years after Alar Baines left the Stonebound for his home, the Chapter recieved a garbled distress call from Throka, homeworld of the Red Sabres. The Stonebound hurried to Throka aboard the Battle Barge Arn, but when they arrived their parent Chapter was gone forever. The once-proud Red Fortress had been torn down, it's rubble used to create an enormous star of Chaos. The desecrated corpses of Space Marines were also strewn among the rubble, their bodies arranged into patterns that hurt the eyes. Amongst the dead was Alar Baines.

 

That night, whilst burning the dead, the Stonebound were attacked by the same Chaos warband believed to have ambushed and destroyed the Red Sabres, known as the Nightmare's Claws. Even though they were likewise taken by surprise, the Stonebound were able to dig in and defend their positions. Combined with a ferocious desire for vengeance that more than matched the zeal of their enemies, the Stonebound’s balanced tactics enabled them to drive the Chaos marauders back; although Imperial historians have pointed out that the Nightmare's Claws must also have been worn down severely by the fighting that marked the end of the Red Sabres. This was the first of many battles between the Stonebound and the Nightmare's Claws, and the first engagement against the warband in which the Imperium is known to have triumphed.

 

Although broken-hearted at the loss of his mentor, the Stonebound’s success where the Red Sabres had sadly failed encouraged Jorn Fellis, giving him confidence that the changes he had made to the organization of his Chapter had been wise.

 

 

IG PC 26/40

Edited February 18, 2010 by Strike Captain Lysimachus

[Ace Debonair]

Lysimachus, you are the man.

 

That looks roughly nine hundred times cooler than the original.

And coincidentally it fits in a bit better too. Top stuff!

[Lysimachus]

Cool, glad to help! I just noticed in another thread you're thinking about losing the chain-mail? Please don't! I think it's a really cool idea, as long as it's clear that it's more traditional/decorative than practical or improving the protection of the armour in any way; that's what I was trying to get across in the paragraph in the beliefs section anyway

 

@Sig:

And the whole chain mail thing doesn't make much sense to me, given the tribal nature you've given to society. You wouldn't think there would be the ability to make chain mail on such a large scale, given the amount of warriors there would be, in a tribal society.

 

I get the impression Kagara is quite rocky, with lots of mineral/ore resources, plus forging is almost a important in the culture as fighting, everyone has at least some skill in doing it?

 

Lysimachus

Edited February 18, 2010 by Strike Captain Lysimachus

[Captain Juan Juarez]

RE: Chainmail.

 

Maybe not an entire shirt, but that every member has some piece about his person?

 

Like draped from his pauldron, or as a loincloth, possibly even as a neck guard (it has a name, cant remember it).. Hell, even as a short-cape would be cool!

Edited February 18, 2010 by Captain Juan Juarez

[Ace Debonair]

Cool, glad to help! I just noticed in another thread you're thinking about losing the chain-mail? Please don't!

 

I always take people's advice seriously. When seriously advised to drop something, with any other apsect (except colour scheme) of my chapters, I've done so sooner or later. It's generally worked out for the better, too. There's a lot to be said for being flexible in your ideas, and I believe you shouldn't ask for advice if you aren't prepared to accept you might not like what you hear.

 

I also have a heck of a lot of respect for Sigismund Himself's advice, since he's generally on the ball with what he says. I suppose I might have dulled the dwarvish theme down too much, although to be honest I was worried of it coming off the other way, and looking over-done. ;) Thank you for taking the time to review my chapter!

 

However, I'm about as likely to go quietly on the chainmail as I am to eat my own computer. I will happily drop or change just about every other aspect of the chapter in order to keep the chainmail, if I have to.

 

Juan, you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. The amount of chainmail on a marine is highly variable. It's basically however much you feel like modelling, so long as there is some.

 

Anyway.

I've updated the IA, as promised, with Lysimachus' almost unfairly good work. I think I only changed/added two or three lines, and mostly to stress the chapter's belief in protecting their holy armour.

I've also changed the quote that Sigismund felt didn't fit. Hopefully that's a bit better now.

 

What does everyone think of the IA as it stands now?

[Sigismund Himself]

Lys: I was using the IA on the front page, rather than your revised version. It seems to have cleared up a few of my concerns.

 

I get the impression Kagara is quite rocky, with lots of mineral/ore resources, plus forging is almost a important in the culture as fighting, everyone has at least some skill in doing it?

I just don't quite think that a tribal society is able to sustain technology like that. It requires far too much effort to mine, refine and meld blades in a tribal society that would be better spent hunting or fighting, because you're in such direct competition with other tribes and don't have enough people to be able to do it. Perhaps it's just the word 'tribal' hanging me up.

 

Ace: I knew the axe mentions were hitting me over the head with something. I'd say at the moment that you've got a lot of the trappings of dwarves (axes, chainmail, hatred of Orks, living underground) but not actually much of the spirit of the dwarves showing in the IA at the moment. I think that it would be better to remove some of the trappings and try to put some more of the spirit in the article. I didn't get the dwarf theme straight off the bat which is a good thing but I did think that the axe/chainmail mentions were a bit out of place or not very well explained. If you want to keep them, I'd work on integrating them into the IA better. However, first off I'd try and put some more of their mindset, what they think and all that into the article.

[Lysimachus]

try to put some more of the spirit in the article

 

This seems like a good suggestion, perhaps an idea might be to write up an introductory paragraph to go in between the main IA header and the SMP pics. Would give a nice little overview and maybe some more emphasis on the 'spirit' of the Chapter? If you can make their attitude stand out i.e. ferocious in battle, determined, stubborn, grumpy ( :rolleyes: ), then as a reader goes through the rest of the article that's the viewpoint they'll be reading it from and things will stand out more to them.

 

 

Lysimachus

 

IG PC 27/40

Edited February 19, 2010 by Strike Captain Lysimachus

[Ace Debonair]

I just don't quite think that a tribal society is able to sustain technology like that. It requires far too much effort to mine, refine and meld blades in a tribal society that would be better spent hunting or fighting, because you're in such direct competition with other tribes and don't have enough people to be able to do it. Perhaps it's just the word 'tribal' hanging me up.

The more I look at it, the more I realise 'tribes' isn't quite right anyway. I'll probably change it around a bit, see if that works better. I'm looking for a fairly primitive sort of society, probably equivalent to a feudal world, with enough people in each group to fill maybe a modern day city, and a fair few of them are blacksmiths by trade.

 

 

Ace: I knew the axe mentions were hitting me over the head with something. I'd say at the moment that you've got a lot of the trappings of dwarves (axes, chainmail, hatred of Orks, living underground) but not actually much of the spirit of the dwarves showing in the IA at the moment. I think that it would be better to remove some of the trappings and try to put some more of the spirit in the article. I didn't get the dwarf theme straight off the bat which is a good thing but I did think that the axe/chainmail mentions were a bit out of place or not very well explained. If you want to keep them, I'd work on integrating them into the IA better. However, first off I'd try and put some more of their mindset, what they think and all that into the article.

 

Cool. Well, at least I've kept the obvious "we're dwarves!" thing to a minimum. I'll see what can be done regarding working in more of the attitude and character. Have you got any suggestions on how to better adapt the chain-mail idea?

 

This seems like a good suggestion, perhaps an idea might be to write up an introductory paragraph to go in between the main IA header and the SMP pics. Would give a nice little overview and maybe some more emphasis on the 'spirit' of the Chapter? If you can make their attitude stand out i.e. ferocious in battle, determined, stubborn, grumpy, then as a reader goes through the rest of the article that's the viewpoint they'll be reading it from and things will stand out more to them.

 

OK, why not? I'll put some thought into this and maybe work it out over the next few days.