IA: The Stonebound

[Ace Debonair]

I feel that I need to break some glass, say the line "Business is about to pick up" and then start screaming "Stunner! Stunner! Stunner!" over and over again.

Well, just for us wrestling fans, here's the lines that didn't make it into the sidebar.

 

"If you guys wanna see ol' Stonebound Starn Aus'tarn kick this man's ass then give me a HELL YEAH!"

Caught up in the heat of the moment, even Captain Darwin joined in responding:

"HELL YEAH!"

 

I must say Ace, that's a great sidebar you've written there. I love it and I am usually rather picky about 'narrative' elements in IA's. Really well done.

 

These guys are a very likeable bunch while still being Space Marines, not an easy task usually. They are a chapter the Blazing Sons could get on well with, given their Saxon cultural heritage.

 

I try my humble best. It took more than an hour to get that sidebar done, even copying from my other, less well-thought-out draft. ;)

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

I like the sidebar story! I think Captain Darwin definitely fit the mold of a common Frost Wyrm, though I'm sure once the Stonebound explained the reasons for their feasting, my men would be a bit less "frosty".

 

Then again, lapses in judgement like that mean Darwin's legs were doomed to be unsafe :P

[Ace Debonair]

Evolution in action. :lol:

 

Glad you like my portrayal of Darwin. I had to have something bad happen to him afterwards, just so he could always wonder...

 

I'll put the sidebar in next time I get chance to do a serious update on the IA.

[Lysimachus]

Very nice idea on the sidebar, Ace! A few things that bug me with it though:

 

The first and last paragraphs feel like they’re written from a historians perspective whereas the middle is more like someone actually there is describing it, doesn’t flow quite right to me. I think you could cut those two bits and fit the same thing into the middle bit very easily, which would also shorten the sidebar overall.

 

Also, it doesn’t feel right that the Frost Wyrms would be speculating about what happened. They would’ve taken Darwin’s side over Aus’tarn’s anyway and probably thought nothing more about it, other than ‘those Stonebound are a bit odd…”. It’s the Stonebound’s belief, not theirs. Try to make it so it’s Aus’tarn who’s worrying about what happens to Darwin?

 

 

EDIT: Maybe something along these lines?

 

Captain Vigus Darwin of the Frost Wyrms 3rd Company stood surveying the battlefield. Greenskin corpses were being piled in a great heap and burned by his brethren and the Marines of the Stonebound Chapter, who had also responded to the Ivenixian’s requests for aid. Their warriors laughed and called to each other in some guttural language Darwin did not know. Another voice boomed out behind him.

"Captain Darwin! Your men fought like Gor'da today - strong and swift. Come; join our feast as a guest of honour. We have the finest food and ale with which to honour the dead and the brave!"

Darwin turned to the speaker, removing his helmet as he did so.

"With no offence intended, Captain Aus'tarn, I must decline your offer. This is no time for such frivolous behaviour as feasting."

Captain Aus'tarn's expression grew thunderous.

"What's this? We come to war to aid you, in the name of honour and brotherhood! And this is how you behave in return?"

"My men and I must stay focused. The defences must be rebuilt in case of another attack. After that, we must return to the Wyrm-hearth."

"I see." Aus'tarn's voice was suddenly cold and grim. "Have no fear, Captain. After we feast, my men and I will assist you. However,” he added sternly, clearly unsatisfied with Darwin's decision, “you should know that it is misfortune indeed not to honour the victory and those who died. When this day is done we must part ways.”

Darwin simply nodded and turned back to his men, barking orders. Aus'tarn stared after him sadly for a long moment, certain that the Captain would one day rue his decision; then turned back to his brothers, raising his flagon high. "To honour, brotherhood and The Emperor!"

 

 

 

 

IG PC 30/40 (Yeah, up to silver!!!)

Edited March 3, 2010 by Strike Captain Lysimachus

[Ace Debonair]

Lysimachus, you are the man.

 

:blush:

 

The switching of storytelling viewpoints was something that had me a bit worried, but for the life of me I couldn't think of a better way of getting all the information across.

 

The only minor flaw with your altered sidebar is that for all intent's and purposes, Darwin's legs don't fall off. :blush:

Although I suppose leaving it as a generalized potential misfortune might work better.

 

Anyone else got any opinions on the proto-sidebar or Lysimachus's edit?

Let me hear 'em!

[Captain Juan Juarez]

RE: The awesome ness of SCL's idea..

 

I would say don't have the Stonebound Captain get angry at the first refusal, have repeated attempts declined.

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

I kind of like Lysimachus' better to be honest B)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I kind of like Lysimachus' better to be honest B)

 

I'd go for his if I was you, too.. He has a Chapter in the Librarium after all! :(

[Ace Debonair]

I kind of like Lysimachus' better to be honest ^_^

 

I'd go for his if I was you, too.. He has a Chapter in the Librarium after all! :P

 

And so it shall be. Let the trumpets of the update-heralds sound, for there is a new addition to the Saga of the Stonebound!

 

Dramatic moment aside, does anyone have any opinions on the content therein or the placement of the Sidebar, or anything else for that matter?

 

I'm beginning to think I might try these fellows for the Librarium once the sidebar passes muster and meets with general approval. (Given Lysimachus' excellent writing skill I doubt very much this will take long. ;) )

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

First things first.

 

*DUH!!!* Ydalir!

 

I didn't notice the first time around that these guys had WS geneseed! In which case the Corsairs (also WS) would acknowledge them as brothers and would definetly feast with the Stonebound and even hold a celebration in their honour in return. Blood brothers are supremely important to the Corsairs. :P

 

The civilians, in the later part of autumn

 

I wouldn't call them 'civilians'. They aren't civilised city dwellers, they are medieval tribesmen and clansmen. It also implies a standing army is present, you seperate the 'citizens' or people of the city from anyone serving the city. It's not a wrong term, I just wouldn't use it in this case. It's more the associations present with the word rather than it's actual use in this context.

 

I'd also like to know just how long these winter months are, seeing as they stay in underground fortresses for what is implied to be some time. The reason I ask is because humans need Vitamin D from (that we get from direct contact with the sun) to help our bodies function. Being deficient in Vitamin D can lead to a whole host of physical problems and ailments.

 

I know it's probably the worst, most nitpickiest of things to pick up on but I was simply curious. Maybe in the far future humans have evolved to not need so much sunlight, who knows.

 

From them, he learned much of the world, and they learned from him of the Legionnes Astartes, The Emperor, and the threat posed by the Orks.

 

They are no longer the Legions Astartes, they are the Adeptus Astartes, the original terminology dying out when the remaining loyal legions were split I'd geuss.

 

Also, why just the Orks? It seems like a very specific enemy to broach with these people given the sheer number of other threats out there than are inherently less predictable than the Orks to counter.

 

Within two years, the Chapter had built their Fortress Monastery

 

I thought you'd changed this. Two years is a tad short. A couple of decades at the very least I'd say.

 

It was only half a year later that the Orks came,

 

The problem here, as with the comment on the subject above, is you haven't set this up all that well. You first warn the populace of the threat of some specific aliens that then conveniently come out of the woodwork which seems to make the Astartes either extremely accurate prophets or they made the luckiest geuss in the world to pick the right foe that was about to attack them. I know that you mention the ork invasions in the opening paragraph, but it's all too brief.

 

We also have no idea how close this world is to the front lines of the ork invasion. Since they have to be coming from somewhere and are evidently allready fighting on some worlds they would logically go to those worlds since there was already a good bashin' going on there, clearly.

 

There is no evidence the orks were coming specifically for this world before this, that's all.

 

challenging aspiring warrior youths by flying them to the top of Kagara's highest mountain ranges and challenging them to survive the month long climb down with no equipment or help. The challenge this task

 

Might I suggest mixing some other terms for a challenge in there?

 

I also don't like the sidebar being on the left. It doesn't look right due both to it's size and the fact that we read english from left to right, it disrupts the reading pattern a bit for me and personally I think it would look better on the right.

 

...chain-mail...

 

It seems a little redundant in it's practicality but culturally it works. The only problem I have is that you keep calling it chain-mail. There was never such a thing called chain-mail, it was only ever referred to as mail. A mail hauberk or a mail coif. Not only that but a tabard was typically a cloth worn over your armour to display your armies heraldry and colours so you could differentiate friend or foe.

 

A mail hauberk typically reached down to the knees I think anyway, if memory serves, which it might not so you might want to look it up somehwere more official than my mind.

 

...wearing chain-mail...

 

Argh!

 

Considering the remarkable protection already provided by Astartes power armour, the function of this chainmail is far more decorative than practical, yet a Marine of the Stonebound would be as likely to leave his bolter behind as he would to forsake it.

 

I think a different word other than decorative to describe it would work, it can have a similar or same meaning, it's just decorative is not a term I associate with Space Marines.

 

The last sentence is also a tiny bit unclear. He would be as likely to leave his bolter behind as he would forsake it? I know what you're saying, and yes to you that made a lot of sense when writing it. However you should always be clear and concise, especially in a sentence like this where you are referring to multiple objects.

 

Replacing 'it' with 'his tabard' or somesuch would be better I think.

 

chain-mail

 

*Sobs with frustration*

 

Chapter Reclusiarchy

 

Reclusiam, I think.

 

Librarians in the chapter are referred to as Sages, and during daily ceremonies will read from the Sagas

 

Sages reading Sagas? On the Sea-shore? :lol:

 

I don't know, Sages doesn't quite sit right. In Dragon Age the Dwarven Historians are called the Shapers of Memories, a much grander and auspicious title, though their role is slightly different. I only use them as an example.

 

Sages doesn't inspire much, if any grandeur and the word also carries the associations of being non-violent, aged and shuffling around piles of scrolls and suchlike and perhaps contemplating certain problems and issues rather than being the fierce warrior psykers that we know the Librarians to be. Mind you, Librarian is a fairly similar term in the same way so I suppose I can't really say too much here. Even if I do find the original term terrible.

 

The Stonebound Assault Squads number among the finest of the Chapters axe wielders, many of them carrying heavy two-handed blades with which to annihilate their enemies.

 

I like this, very much like my Bloodsworn.

 

 

All in all a very good read Ace.

Edited March 4, 2010 by Grey Hunter Ydalir

[Ace Debonair]

I didn't notice the first time around that these guys had WS geneseed! In which case the Corsairs (also WS) would acknowledge them as brothers and would definetly feast with the Stonebound and even hold a celebration in their honour in return. Blood brothers are supremely important to the Corsairs. ^_^

 

Heh, I ddin't know the Corsairs were White Scars. It seems we have both failed. :lol:

 

I'd also like to know just how long these winter months are, seeing as they stay in underground fortresses for what is implied to be some time. The reason I ask is because humans need Vitamin D from (that we get from direct contact with the sun) to help our bodies function. Being deficient in Vitamin D can lead to a whole host of physical problems and ailments.

 

I know it's probably the worst, most nitpickiest of things to pick up on but I was simply curious. Maybe in the far future humans have evolved to not need so much sunlight, who knows.

 

I refuse to be drawn into a vitamin debate in my IA. :lol:

Can it not be safely assumed that since Kagara produces a number of astartes-grade recruits, it's not really an issue?

 

From them, he learned much of the world, and they learned from him of the Legionnes Astartes, The Emperor, and the threat posed by the Orks.

Also, why just the Orks? It seems like a very specific enemy to broach with these people given the sheer number of other threats out there than are inherently less predictable than the Orks to counter.

 

Because of where they are, actaully. Orks are the most consistent threat in the Segmentum Pacificus, aren't they?

I've added a line warning against the evils of other xenos all the same.

Within two years, the Chapter had built their Fortress Monastery

 

I thought you'd changed this. Two years is a tad short. A couple of decades at the very least I'd say.

I have. ;)

It was only half a year later that the Orks came,

 

The problem here, as with the comment on the subject above, is you haven't set this up all that well ... I know that you mention the ork invasions in the opening paragraph, but it's all too brief.

 

We also have no idea how close this world is to the front lines of the ork invasion. Since they have to be coming from somewhere and are evidently allready fighting on some worlds they would logically go to those worlds since there was already a good bashin' going on there, clearly.

 

There is no evidence the orks were coming specifically for this world before this, that's all.

 

Fair point, well made. But how would you go about correcting it? I operated on the basis that Orks have got to attack somewhere, and given the lack of Imperial retaliations in the sector that facilitated the need for a chapter to be assigned there, I don't think it's beyond possibility for the Orks to turn up on Kagara not long after the Stonebound are just getting into their groove.

 

On the sidebar - It actually looks worse on the right, since it's directly above the other one. I could move one or the other, of course, but which one, and where to?

...chain-mail...

 

...wearing chain-mail...

 

Argh!

 

chain-mail

 

*Sobs with frustration*

 

Oh, grow up. :P I've fixed it now, anyway.

 

 

Librarians in the chapter are referred to as Sages, and during daily ceremonies will read from the Sagas

 

Sages reading Sagas? On the Sea-shore? :lol:

 

I don't know, Sages doesn't quite sit right. In Dragon Age the Dwarven Historians are called the Shapers of Memories, a much grander and auspicious title, though their role is slightly different. I only use them as an example.

 

Sages doesn't inspire much, if any grandeur and the word also carries the associations of being non-violent, aged and shuffling around piles of scrolls and suchlike and perhaps contemplating certain problems and issues rather than being the fierce warrior psykers that we know the Librarians to be. Mind you, Librarian is a fairly similar term in the same way so I suppose I can't really say too much here. Even if I do find the original term terrible.

 

War-Sages sound any better? I don't want to use Dragon Age references since I only played it for fifteen minutes before getting bored of it. :lol:

 

The Stonebound Assault Squads number among the finest of the Chapters axe wielders, many of them carrying heavy two-handed blades with which to annihilate their enemies.

 

I like this, very much like my Bloodsworn.

 

All in all a very good read Ace.

 

I'm glad you like them!

I imagine, for all the cultural differences, the Bloodsworn and the Stonebound working together would make an almost unparalleled CQC force.

 

I also notice their names are the same length and are made up of two words beginning with 'b' or 's' joined together. On top of that they both wear brown armour, are wary of outsiders, like to fight up close, and have their own personal rituals.

I think I might have stolen your chapter! :D

 

I've made a lot of the changes you suggested. The Sages are still Sages for now, and the sidebar is where it was until I work out what to do with it.

[Donkey Kong]

Alright, I have absolutely no idea which sidebar is new, so I guess I'll tear into both!

 

The Battle of Ivenix

I see no problem with this one. It expresses the Chapter's beliefs fairly well. I think it works well with another Chapter looking in at the Stonebound, instead of being from the Stonebound's point of view. I think you should space out the paragraphs though.

 

The Broken Sabre

 

Titles, such as ships, should be put in italics.

 

The desecrated corpses of Space Marines were also strewn among the rubble,

 

Also really isn't necessary. It's a better image with them just being piled high in an unholy icon. You could also hit a nerve with chapter relics, serfs and banners in the rubble.

 

There isn't any result of the attack, which is a little surprising. Lost battle brothers, perhaps having the Stonebound caught by surprise while salvaging the other Chapter's bodies for ritual mourning or burning the icon.

[Lysimachus]

I think you're pretty well set here, Ace, good job!

 

The only things I'd say look at again are presentation bits: firstly, maybe a nicer header for the 'IA: Stonebound' title box (think it's caslonskullheader or something?) and maybe a dropcap for the first letter of the introductory paragraph?

 

Second, the spacing between sections is a bit odd in a couple of places; personally I always do two empty lines between the end of a section and the next header, it just keeps everything looking evenly spaced and also helps to break the dreaded 'wall-o-text'!

 

Otherwise I'd agree you're ready to give submission a go and see what happens!

 

EDIT: Might also be better if you push the first sidebar down a couple of lines so that you get the quote first, then the sidebar starts on the same line as the main Beliefs section; that should mean the whole section is pushed to the right rather than have a few lines that go back under the sidebar at the end (which never looks good, IMHO). If you do that, I reckon it'll look much better and won't break the flow of the article?

 

DOUBLE EDIT: Like so:

 

"Look after your armour, brother. You will find nothing else that so effectively keeps the Ork's fangs from your throat."

Attributed to Techmarine Rha’kol.

 

The Battle of Ivenix

Captain Vigus Darwin of the Frost Wyrms 3rd Company stood surveying the battlefield. Greenskin corpses were being piled in a great heap and burned by his brethren and the Marines of the Stonebound Chapter, who had also responded to the Ivenixian’s requests for aid. Their warriors laughed and called to each other in some guttural language Darwin did not know. Another voice boomed out behind him.

"Captain Darwin! Your men fought like Gor'da today - strong and swift. Come; join our feast as a guest of honour. We have the finest food and ale with which to honour the dead and the brave!"

Darwin turned to the speaker, removing his helmet as he did so.

"With no offence intended, Captain Aus'tarn, I must decline your offer. This is no time for such frivolous behaviour as feasting."

Captain Aus'tarn's expression grew thunderous.

"What's this? We come to war to aid you, in the name of honour and brotherhood! And this is how you behave in return?"

"My men and I must stay focused. The defences must be rebuilt in case of another attack. After that, we must return to the Wyrm-hearth."

"I see." Aus'tarn's voice was suddenly cold and grim. "Have no fear, Captain. After we feast, my men and I will assist you. However,” he added sternly, clearly unsatisfied with Darwin's decision, “you should know that it is misfortune indeed not to honour the victory and those who died. When this day is done we must part ways.”

Darwin simply nodded and turned back to his men, barking orders. Aus'tarn stared after him sadly for a long moment, certain that the Captain would one day rue his decision; then turned back to his brothers, raising his flagon high. "To honour, brotherhood and The Emperor!"

In Kagaran society, two abilities are prized over all others; skill in battle and craftsmanship, whether in carving stone or forging steel. From a very young age, Kagarans are taught these skills and in Kagaran warrior tradition, a man is only truly a man when he has forged his own chain-mail and his own axe, and is ready to use them in the defence of his people. The beliefs of the Stonebound have been heavily influenced by the attitudes of the Kagaran people and when not on campaign or training, Chapter brethren spend much time developing their skills. Each Marine learns to lovingly care for his own weapons and armour, but also to create other pieces, statues and sculptures in metal and stone, ornately decorated to commemorate victories or other notable events.

 

Among the many practices adopted from the Kagaran population, the one that most often draws questions from other Imperial servants is the tradition of Stonebound Marines wearing mail sections over their power armour. Considering the remarkable protection already provided by Astartes power armour, the function of this chain-mail is far more decorative than practical, yet a Marine of the Stonebound would be as likely to leave his bolter behind as he would to forsake his mail. The Stonebound say to not show the proper respect to the holy armour of The Emperor's Space Marines would be to invite misfortune and failure. Veteran Marines often make even more extensive use of mail links, sometimes covering the shoulders, arms and upper legs of their armour, and many of the Chapter’s fighting vehicles are similarly adorned.

 

Given the skills and devotion to craftsmanship among the Stonebound, it is unsurprising that the Chapter is able to maintain a higher than normal number of older suits of power armour. Many Marines within the Chapter wear their Mark VI armour with pride, while some veterans can boast of acquiring even older Marks. The Stonebound have an almost spiritual relationship with their arms and armour and it is therefore also unsurprising that Techmarines are figures of some stature within the Chapter. Not only do they take care of more complex repairs and maintain the well-being of the Chapter’s machine spirits, but often Battle Brothers approach them when they have a need for spiritual advice.

 

For this reason, the functionality of the Chapter Reclusiam is somewhat altered as well; their role more closely approximating the one held in other Chapters by a Master of the Recruits. Chaplains of the Stonebound focus much of their time on the 10th Company, instilling fierce pride, unbending belief and cold fear into their recruits. This fear is vital, as conquering it is a key part of the recruit's training, making them ready to face the innumerable terrors of the dark galaxy around them.

 

Librarians in the chapter are referred to as Sages, and during daily ceremonies will read from the Sagas - accounts of fabled heroes that are recorded on Saga-Stones. These stones are taken from the walls of same cavern in which the Ka’hagul stands, and are only used to record the words and deeds of the Chapter's bravest and most fierce warriors. After battles, celebrations to honour the victory and the memories of brothers fallen in battle are held. These celebrations consist largely of impromptu feasts, and Librarians or Chaplains will write and sing songs of the battle fought, or of the heroic actions of those who died. The feasts can last from anywhere between an hour to several days, depending on if there are other battles to be fought immediately. The Stonebound hold that to not properly recognize a victory or a death will bring misfortune to the Chapter.

 

The Stonebound take the typical view of the Astartes that the Emperor, whilst a just and noble father and leader, is no God. They have much respect for their brother Astartes, and for the mighty Primarchs who led the loyalist legions in the days of the Horus Heresy.

 

 

 

IG PC 31/40

Edited March 5, 2010 by Strike Captain Lysimachus

[Ace Debonair]

Thanks guys - your constant vigilance is appreciated! :D

 

Made much of the required edits. After seeing what the 'caslonheader' does to my IA, I've opted to leave it out. ;)

 

KHK, The Broken Sabre was the old sidebar - but thanks for evaluating that, too! I've added that the Stonebound take heavy casualties themselves, making it all the more tragic, although the truth is the sidebar is mainly there as sort of a teaser for the Nightmare's Claws. (Name change pending) It'll make more sense once I've got the IT going for them, I promise.

 

Lysimachus, I don't have any lines appearing under the sidebar on my computer. :)

If anyone can see said lines under the sidebar still, tell me and I'll try and sort it out. No promises, but I'll give it a go.

 

I'll try and submit this once I have changed the name for the Warband and possibly revised the name of the Sages.

[Lysimachus]

Lysimachus, I don't have any lines appearing under the sidebar on my computer.

If anyone can see said lines under the sidebar still, tell me and I'll try and sort it out. No promises, but I'll give it a go.

 

Don't sweat it, I keep forgetting that it all comes out differently on different screens! Most important that it looks right to you, plus come to think of it you may end up needing to move stuff around a little when you submit it anyway, as that can sometimes mess up the B+C coding stuff.

 

 

After seeing what the 'caslonheader' does to my IA, I've opted to leave it out.

 

Idle curiosity, but what did it do? :D

[Ace Debonair]

Idle curiosity, but what did it do? :(

 

Er, spat a load of code at me and then had the writing for the title in very small. Most intriguing, but not the look I was going for.

Edited March 7, 2010 by Ace Debonair

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Er, spat a load of code at me and then had the writing for the title in very small. Most intriguing, but not the look I was going for.

 

The code spitting usually comes from having misspelt something in the code-line.

 

Caslon font is also generally smaller than the regular ones used by default so you do have to up the size a couple of times to get it relative.

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

Now that I've viewed it in sidebar format.......is there any way I could coerce you into writing a bit more for the Wyrms Lysimachus? :D

You really nailed em.

[Octavulg]

Captain D'ain Maurak looked into the single eye of the ancient marine who had called into question the honour of his chapter. Picking up the iron gauntlet, he considered his words carefully. "You have seen much battle, my brother. Your armour tells me, as clearly as your words, that you are an honourable warrior; but to question my chapter's worth is an error in judgement." D'ain stood proud and tall, crashing his hand againt his chest, accompanied by the rustling jingle of his mail hauberk. "We are the Stonebound - let me tell you of our saga."

 

I don't like this one. It feels forced.

 

Battle-brothers of the Stonebound chapter. Company is denoted by the number on the knee, and the chapter's insignia is two grey axes in the form of a diagonal cross, blades facing outwards. The marine on the right is a member of the chapter's First Company, the Redwings.

 

A ) Caption this

B ) Redwings? No...just...no. Not even if lead by Captain Fedorov.

 

* * *

 

In fact, my first comment kinda sums up my view of the chapter as a whole. I don't really like them. I'm not sure why. I think it's the lack of a real, coherent, point to the chapter - the Red Lords have their purity, the Infinity Knights have their dreadnoughts, and these guys don't seem to have anything. A lot of work and detail has been lavished on them, but it just doesn't seem to help with the fact that they're just not that interesting. Even the details lack a real sense of character - craftsmanship, ferocity...none of it's unique enough to give them character.

 

Sorry.

 

I'm honestly not sure what to do, if anything. What are you trying to do with them? I may have just missed it.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

B ) Redwings? No...just...no. Not even if lead by Captain Fedorov.

 

I couldn't help but chuckle!

[Ace Debonair]

Redwings? No...just...no. Not even if lead by Captain Fedorov.

 

:huh:

I don't get the reference, but the 'no, just no' suggests I ought to change the name. Earthwings sound any better?

 

I don't like this one. It feels forced.

In fact, my first comment kinda sums up my view of the chapter as a whole. I don't really like them. I'm not sure why. I think it's the lack of a real, coherent, point to the chapter - the Red Lords have their purity, the Infinity Knights have their dreadnoughts, and these guys don't seem to have anything. A lot of work and detail has been lavished on them, but it just doesn't seem to help with the fact that they're just not that interesting. Even the details lack a real sense of character - craftsmanship, ferocity...none of it's unique enough to give them character.

 

Sorry.

 

I'm honestly not sure what to do, if anything. What are you trying to do with them? I may have just missed it.

First off, no apologies neccesary, and it's equally plausible that I've communicated the ideas poorly.

 

Second, you're the first guy to approve of the Infinity Knights and the Red Lords and disapprove of the Stonebound. :lol:

I'll try and illuminate what the idea was by using a quote from yourself on The Just The Iron Angels topic.

Concept chapters try to show off a particular vision of a Space Marine chapter - one with particular quirks of viewpoint or thought. This need not be particularly deep - "what if Marines were Viking werewolves?" has taken the Space Wolves farther than you or I shall ever go.

And the Stonebound are the result of the concept "What if space marines were drawn form a world of fantasy dwarves?" Baked thoroughly in the fires of what's acceptable in the Liber, of course, seasoned with some common sense and served without any discrepancies in height.

 

I'm pretty glad that I've managed not to slap readers in the face with what they are, but since both Octavulg and Sigismund Himself didn't pick up on the dwarvishness on the first read-through, perhaps I need to revise it slightly and add a dash more dwarvish flavour somehow.

I am totally open to suggestions on how to do this. ;)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Redwings? No...just...no. Not even if lead by Captain Fedorov.

 

:)

I don't get the reference, but the 'no, just no' suggests I ought to change the name. Earthwings sound any better?

 

It's an ice hockey joke... Detroit Redwings, with Federov a player who is the teams Captain.

[Octavulg]

huh.gif

I don't get the reference, but the 'no, just no' suggests I ought to change the name. Earthwings sound any better?

 

I'd say wings of any kind'd be inappropriate for Dwarves. But in this case it's inappropriate because it's the Detroit NHL team.

 

What kind of dwarves are you trying to evoke? LOTR? WHFB?

 

And the Stonebound are the result of the concept "What if space marines were drawn form a world of fantasy dwarves?" Baked thoroughly in the fires of what's acceptable in the Liber, of course, seasoned with some common sense and served without any discrepancies in height.

 

At the moment, I'm not sure it comes through clearly.

 

I am totally open to suggestions on how to do this. laugh.gif

 

I'll go through and have a look at it. I'll especially try to figure out why I like Dwarves but not these guys.

[Ace Debonair]

It's an ice hockey joke... Detroit Redwings, with Federov a player who is the teams Captain.

 

Ah, enlightenment. :)

 

Anyway. Since I don't have any interest in keeping that name any more, I'll change it. I'm a bit short of ideas, though, so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears. :D

 

What kind of dwarves are you trying to evoke? LOTR? WHFB?

 

It's probably closest to LOTR, but I was also taking some influence from the dwarves of Discworld, minus the humour. Come to think of it I suppose I could probably steal the word 'Grag' for my Librarians, rather than sages. :P

 

I'll go through and have a look at it. I'll especially try to figure out why I like Dwarves but not these guys.

 

Capital. Hopefully I'll be able to come up with something more as well.

[Dosjetka]

Anyway. Since I don't have any interest in keeping that name any more, I'll change it. I'm a bit short of ideas, though, so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears. :D

You want a new name for the Redwings? Or the Stonebound? :)