Index Astartes: Mourning Souls (V2.0)

[Ferrus Manus]

Index Astartes: Mourning Souls

On the outside the Mourning Souls are noble, if not dour, sons of Sanguinius; fighting in the name of their Emperor and the Imperium. However, even more so than their cousins, the Mourning Souls are cursed by their blood and must strive to stand in the face of their inevitable demise.

Origins

The Chapter that would be come known as the Mourning Souls was founding during the 8th such event. After the events of the 3rd Black Crusade, the High Lords of Terra had declared that the Imperium’s defences needed bolstering, thus the founding had been called. From deep in the gene vaults of Mars, the geneseed of the primarch Sanguinius was chosen to form the new chapter, which was to be commanded by a cadre from the Blood Seers Chapter, led by the charismatic Brother-Captain Daktar.

Daktar was known within the Seers as a captivating orator, declaring that he was born with the silver tongue of Sanguinius himself. As such he was able to command the utmost respect from all his brethren. On the battlefield he was a reliable officer, utilising the strengths of any force under his command. Thus, the Blood Seers charged him with the upbringing of the new Chapter; a duty he took to with great enthusiasm.

Now, to understand the Mourning Souls, one must look at the Blood Seers and their ways. The Blood Seers, as their name suggests put great faith in visions and prophecy. They were guided by their psyker brethren and their witch sight; often being unwilling to engage in battle until the portents were good. The Seers followed the words of their Librarians almost to the point of mindless obsession, sometimes to their own regret. With this background, Daktar took command of the Chapter.

Upon his meeting with the newborn Chapter Daktar began indoctrinating them with his beliefs. With aid from the psykers in his cadre, Daktar began building the Chapter’s Librarium division. During this time, Daktar had ordered his Librarians to consult the tarot; wishing to discover a sign from the Emperor, giving him his orders. After weeks of divining the Librarians finally came up with an answer: the planet Delphia VII. Daktar wasted no time in ordering the chapter to make full speed toward this new battleground.

What they discovered, however, was no battleground. Delphia VII was a dead world; the remnants of long dead civilisations littered its surface. Evidence of some great battle was unmissable. Daktar was confused, the portents had directed them here – yet there was no battle to be found. The reason for their presence was found by complete accident. Two scouts had fallen through some decrepit ruins; they had revealed an altar, decorated with jewels and gold leaf. Upon it was carved depictions of a snake blind in its left eye, its right wide open. The similarity with the Imperial Aquila was not lost upon Daktar; as such he ordered the sight be examined more fully.

In time the Chapter discovered something that would shape their future: a prophecy, or for the Mourning Souls, the prophecy. It was discovered etched into a stone tablet, buried miles beneath the surface of the planet:

As the forces of the dark ones sally forth, upon the world of the serpent, the fate of the galaxy shall be decided, for good or evil. Only the angels will have the strength to turn back the tide.

Daktar took this as a sign from the Emperor; he believed that it was a message telling him, and his chapter, to prepare for a coming storm. As such, he gave a speech to the entirety of the Chapter, informing them of his discovery and what that entailed. He spoke of destiny, honour, glory, duty and faith in the Golden Throne. It was reported that upon the conclusion of Daktar’s speech every astartes present dropped to one knee and wept. Thus, the Chapter got its name: the Mourning Souls.

Homeworld

Chapter Heraldry

http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff265/Ferrus_Manus/Warhammer%2040k/ColourScheme-1.jpg

The homeworld of the Mourning Souls is known as Delta-Six-Omega in the log books of the Imperium; to its inhabitants, however, it is known as Ayvotoc. It is located in the constellation known as the Wings of Sanguinius, or the Grendl Stars, the Souls recognising the symbolic importance behind their decision to take such a world as their own. Upon claiming their world, the Souls declared an oath to protect the Grendl Stars for eternity.

The planet itself is a rotting backwater of the Imperium. Its people are forced to survive within the ruins of great cities from ages past. Ayvotoc was a Hive world where the planet’s people were grouped into tribes, each being led by a chief. The tribes would often be at war with each other trying to vie for power and their place in the hierarchy of the hives. The planet’s surface is covered in great spires full of forgotten souls who are worthless to the Emperor’s great Imperium. However, the mighty hives were destroyed in a cataclysmic war, the details of which are lost to history. What is known is that those who survived were forced to rebuild some sort of civilization from the blasted ruins that remained.

Unfortunately, they were too blinded by their ways to learn from their experiences. As such, the planet is still divided by warring factions – each wanting dominance over the planet. The Mourning Souls saw this and decided that these people would be fit for recruitment into their ranks, and so they built their Fortress-Monastery, the Chalice of Tears upon the planet’s only moon, wishing to keep their presence as secret as possible from the Ayvotan people.

The planet of Ayvotoc is in such disarray due to infighting and its unstable government, however, such a term is used loosely here as the self imposed Governor can change several times in a sort space of time, such is the intensity of the clan fighting. The situation is so bad that the Imperium has never tried to impose a set ruler upon the planet, knowing that such a brutal display of enforcement is likely to unite the clans against their new tyrant.

The Mourning Souls use this state of affairs to their advantage, as no clan is inclined to investigate any missing children often declaring them as ‘lost to the cause.’ The Chapter often sends out their Chaplains to seek out suitable recruits for their ranks. Those they deem worthy are kidnapped and taken back to the Chalice to begin their training and induction into the Chapter.

Organisation

The Mourning Souls have adapted the organisation of their predecessors, the Angels Sanguine. The chapter utilizes the equipment not seen outside the use of Blood Angel successor chapters, such as Furioso-pattern Dreadnoughts and Baal-class Predators. They also field Sanguinary Priests and the fabled Death Company within their ranks. Their 1st Company, as with many Sanguinian Chapters, is a dedicated assault company whose members will arm themselves with a Jump Pack when not wearing Tactical Dreadnought Armour. After this each company is organized in the traditional way of the Codex Astartes, with the addition of any members of the Death Company - of which the Mourning Souls are known to have slightly higher numbers of compared to the likes of the Blood Angels.

Like most chapters, the Souls’ Tenth Company contains their neophytes who act as their Scouts. Due to nature of the Chapter’s recruiting progress their Scout Company is slightly smaller than most other chapters. This means that the Chapter desperately tries to test their Scouts whilst not exposing them to unnecessary risk. Thanks to their dual curses, the Chapter is always looking for replacements from the Tenth. As such, the Tenth rarely fights as one; they are distributed between the active companies to gain vital battlefield experience and acts as an advance unit for that company. However, it has been noted that there have been several cases where the neophytes have fought on the front lines of combat, more often than not resulting in a high unit fatality rate; much to the dismay of the Mourning Souls.

Unlike many chapters the Mourning Souls don’t depict their company number upon their armour, unless it is on the veteran company in which case the astartes paint a black tear drop under their helmets’ left eye piece. But they do distinguish between specialists by helmet colour: red = Tactical, bone = Honour Guard, Black = Assault and Silvery Grey = Devastator.

It must also be noted that the Chapter makes very limited use of Dreadnoughts. Due to the nature of their curses, it is the Chapter’s Battle Brothers’ greatest wish that they be buried within the Fortress Monastery rather than being entombed within a Dreadnought. Yet, there have been several occasions when the Chapter is absolutely loathed to lose a particularly veteran warrior that they will entomb him. Unfortunately, the said warrior will continue to suffer from his brother’s death screams driving him further and further down the path of madness. Eventually, his brethren will take pity on him and his insanity and shall grant him the Emperor’s Peace, using the Dreadnought machinery to entomb another Battle Brother.

The Sanctified

To be a member of this unit is both a blessing and a curse for a Mourning Soul. It is they that guard the towers in which the surviving members of the Death Company are held. They are charged with its protection and preventing any of the inhabitants escaping. Their armour is ornate to the extreme and they are granted the best weapons available to the Chapter. Only the most level-headed and distant members of the Chapter are chosen for this position, swore to guard their insane brethren from harm. The burden of this task is great for every day they look into the dark mirror and see what they will become.

The commander of the Sanctified is known as the Tetrarch, or the Fourth Commander. He forms part of the Chapter’s command structure alongside the Chapter Master, the Chief Librarian and the Master of Sanctity. As such, he is ranked above the First Captain and is treated as such. To rise to such an esteemed position a Battle-Brother must show a tactical mind and utter self control. After all, to lose such a warrior to the Chapter’s curses would a sad day indeed.

On the battlefield each of them is an unstoppable force fighting as hard as possible to prevent the deaths of their brethren. They will always be found in the vanguard of any battle group unleashing the fury of Sanguinius himself. It is the only time their calm demeanour changes as they fight for every brother lost and everyone that is to fall.

Combat Doctrine

The tactics employed by the chapter are an adaptation of their predecessors, simply developed to their needs. The chapter places a heavy emphasis on rapid assaults; so that they can strike at the enemy hard them withdraw leaving them floundering and unable to respond. Often, the first time the enemy will know they are under attack is as the first drop pods break the atmosphere, descending at breakneck speeds into the crucible of combat. Once deployed the chapter makes use of both heavy assaults covered by hails of well placed bolter fire and heavy weapons. Due to the speed of their assaults the chapter makes little use of heavy armour tanks, believing them to be cumbersome and hindrance.

But, the Chapter is unable to escape the fact that they are still victims of the Black Rage and the mutations of their geneseed, meaning that the chapter always fields a unit of their Death Company, led by a Chaplain or a High Priest, to spearhead their assaults and act as terror troops, breaking the enemies’ morale as the rest of the strike force moves in to break the enemy. Thus many Imperial Commanders have refused to fight beside them, declaring the Chapter madmen or unclean mutates. None of these claims have ever been substantiated; the chapter ignores these outcries and fight besides their begrudging allies regardless; offering their skills and abilities to the battle at hand.

It is not surprising that this is the case when there are stories of the chapter committing acts of reckless brutality and unrestrained bloodletting as they try to sate the Red Thirst and bring back some semblance of control upon themselves. Time and again the chapter’s glories are sullied by cries of accusation and distrust, dishonouring the memory of those who sacrificed their lives in the name of victory.

Beliefs

To the Mourning Souls the words ‘life’ and ‘death’ have no meaning. Due to their curse they are dead from the moment they are implanted with the sacred geneseed. As such, they believe that they must seek to great deeds during their existance to take before the Emperor in the afterlife. This means that the Astartes of the Mourning Souls are generally more reckless than other Chapter in their quests for eternal remembrance.

The Chapter believes that they are the personification of Sanguinius’ broken heart upon him hearing the news of Horus’ heresy. As such they are very melancholic and will rarely speak to an outsider. This state of melancholy is helped by the Astartes’ burden of their dual gene curses, which constantly tests them and dwindle their numbers.

Also, it has been noted that the chapter practices Exsanguination and the sharing of blood. It is one of the chapter’s most sacred rituals. However, the Chapter uses the blood of their first Master, Daktar. At the dawning of their creation his blood saved them from the brink of madness, hence, it is seen as an honour to be bonded closer to him. Once an astartes is promoted they are infused with a slightly greater proportion of Daktar’s own blood, kept by the chapter’s Sanguinary Priests. This infusion represents the individuals gain in favour and often inspires them to greater heights so they can bear more of their first lord’s blood.

To ensure that Daktar’s blood is never lost, each Apothecary and Brother-Chaplain is required to periodically donate a blood tithe. The size of the tithe is fairly minute, but ensures that the Chapter is forever safe from the eternal madness that so nearly claimed them at the dawn of their creation.

Geneseed

The Mourning Souls are bearers of the noble lineage of the Angel Sanguinius, most loyal son of the Emperor. Like all his sons they are blessed with longevity and with great humility unmatched by other chapters of different ancestry. They like many of the children of Sanguinius make use of the sarcophagi in which recruits are placed as they receive the boon of the geneseed. These recruits are left inside for a year and emerge astartes, the pinnacle of perfection, compared to the scrawny hive ganger that entered.

However, despite the noble outward image of the chapter, they like all Blood Angels carry a blood curse – the Black Rage. When a brother succumbs to it they believe themselves to be Sanguinius, acting out his last moments during the Siege of Palace. This curse is a constant reminder to the chapter of their loss, thus they take an especially great pride in the destruction of the hated traitor marines. These lost souls are placed within the chapter’s Death Company and their armour is covered in red crosses in Sanguinius’ memory.

Thanks to the timing of the Chapter birth they also suffer from a second curse. Whilst being abnormally connected in some way the Chapter’s Battle Brothers feel the death scream of the brothers, eventually driving them mad and making them wish for death. This is the inescapable fate of every Mourning Soul; they are doomed from their entering of the Chapter’s brotherhood. It is said that an Astartes first experience of this scream forces him to pause in his actions and forces him to dull the trauma, however, the more veteran brothers are able to deal with such events in that they are able to continue on the task in hand.

Battle Cry

“With their blood, we mourn.”


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Here's my entry for the Iron Gauntlet challenge (which wasn't influenced by whispers of a new BA dex in any way :tu: ) C&C is much appreciated.

[Neophyte of Slaanesh]

If the Mourning Souls are loathe for their recruiting world to know much about themselves, how do they field so many scouts when the mortality rate it so high?

 

"To the Mourning Souls the words ‘life’ and ‘death’ have no meaning." Love that line! Really highlights a fantastic start to a LA! The Exsanguination is eerily beautiful!

[space wolf]

If the secondary curse slowly drives the astartes mad, does that have any effect on the numbers of dreadnoughts that they have? Would some of their dreadnoughts be crazy like choas 'noughts? just some food for thought......

[The Nephilim]

Space wolf, good thought on the dreadnaughts.

 

It seems to me, as with many of the DIY IA Blood Angels successor chapters, that your legion also has "greater proportions of the Death Company."

 

What kind of infighting if any, occurs from recruiting memebers from a rival tribe? Would it be akin to the stuff in the Space Wolf novels?

 

As to the Exsanguination, there has to be a finite amount of Sanguinius’ blood, right? I mean the Blood Angels have it too, as I'm sure so do other successor chapters. Where does this seemingly infinite supply come from? Sanguinius was slain. I don't remember anything about his body being kept in stasis, though I could be wrong.

 

Something to think about also, what would happen if an entire company was lost? Which isn't unheard of if the Chapter has ever or will ever participate in an Apocalypse scaled brawl? What would that do to the surviving brothers? What is the range of this psychic scream? Would the fleet in anchor above the planet hear it as well?

[Landmine Marathon]

I have a few questions 'bout your second mutation. Since death or a psychic scream from a fellow battle brother would be about a 1000 on a 10 scale of pain wouldn't that effect the still living members mid battle in such a way they would be non-combat ready so to say. Because death is considered being the most traumatic effect the body goes through (besides child birth that is). For some reason I cant get the scene out of my head watching one battle brother buy the farm and the others clutching at the psycho somatic wounds that the other received. Just some food for thought =). Other than that Im waiting to see what else you give these guys. Oh by the way Awesome name!

[Ferrus Manus]

If the Mourning Souls are loathe for their recruiting world to know much about themselves, how do they field so many scouts when the mortality rate it so high?

Good question. I think that they would take more recruits than needed (and probably in some instances of lower quality), maybe more often than most Chapters to. Then, by the laws of survival only the best of them survive. So from a larger group of aspirants you'd think that you'd get more that are worthy, except for the occasional poor year.

If the secondary curse slowly drives the astartes mad, does that have any effect on the numbers of dreadnoughts that they have? Would some of their dreadnoughts be crazy like choas 'noughts? just some food for thought.....

I think I'd want to go down the same route as the Grey Knights here. Every Battle Brother wants to be buried within the Fortress Monastery, so only in absolutely dire need, or because they are loathed to lose such a warrior, would the Souls place someone is a Dreadnought. He would then OFC be driven mad, like the Chaos 'noughts. Hmm, maybe then the Chapter would grant them peace when they pass the point of no return - using the shell of the Dreadnought for someone more sane.

It seems to me, as with many of the DIY IA Blood Angels successor chapters, that your legion also has "greater proportions of the Death Company."

Yes, but I'm hoping that my reason is a bit more compelling :P

What kind of infighting if any, occurs from recruiting memebers from a rival tribe? Would it be akin to the stuff in the Space Wolf novels?

I guess so, but, like the novels, after the trials and the beginning of geneseed implantation they form bonds of brotherhood.

As to the Exsanguination, there has to be a finite amount of Sanguinius’ blood, right?

Well, I always thought that each BA successor would only be gifted with a small amount. Obviously, as more successors were created they would be gifted with some from their parent Chapters. That's what I see happening here; the Souls were granted nothing except that which was carried by Daktar. Hence, that is what pulled them back from the brink - the blood of Sanguinius. Therefore they use Daktar's blood in their Exsanguination rather than Sanguinius'. This will go in the IA, considering I just made it up :P

Something to think about also, what would happen if an entire company was lost? Which isn't unheard of if the Chapter has ever or will ever participate in an Apocalypse scaled brawl? What would that do to the surviving brothers? What is the range of this psychic scream? Would the fleet in anchor above the planet hear it as well?

well I think the larger the scale of death the greater the range. However, I'd say that the greater the range the weaker the 'signal' if you like. So, in this example, the fleet would feel it but it would be like if you found out some past acquaintance died or something.

 

@ Landmine Marathon, I think you have a point. The first couple of times an Astartes experiences it I think it would make them pause and lose focus on the task in hand. However, the more veteran Astartes would still feel the same levels of pain but they would be expecting it and would be able to deal with it enough to continue on. That is of course if it doesn't break them then and there.

 

+++++++++++++++

 

Thanks guys, some really interesting questions which had made me think about this a fair bit. :)

[Solomon de Gravier]

have adapted the organisation of their successors the Angels Sanguine

 

It should be:

...have adapted the organisation of thier predesessors the Angels Sanguine...

 

Other than that I think it's a good start to an IA! :lol: :D :yes: :) :yes:

[Ferrus Manus]

have adapted the organisation of their successors the Angels Sanguine

 

It should be:

...have adapted the organisation of thier predesessors the Angels Sanguine...

 

Other than that I think it's a good start to an IA! :lol: :D :) :) :yes:

:o School boy error. ;) thanks.

 

Anyone else see any issues?

[Lord Heremes]

im really loving your chapter and all the thought you have put into them. really looking forward to seeying your color scheme.

[Ferrus Manus]

Here you go....

 

http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff265/Ferrus_Manus/Warhammer%2040k/ColourScheme-1.jpg

 

and

 

http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff265/Ferrus_Manus/Warhammer%2040k/Symbol.jpg

 

Will add them to the article later on.

[Ace Debonair]

I think I can forsee a problem.

 

Daktar's blood keeps the chapter sane - great stuff, really invoking some great mental imagery.

 

But there's got to be a finite amount, surely? Even with careful rationing you couldn't keep on feeding new recruits Daktar's blood.

And there's also the risk that any you might have stored would also only last for so long.

 

Perhaps you could add that marines regularly give their apothecaries something akin to 'blood tithes', and those whose blood most closely resembles Daktar's is siphoned off, bit by bit for the chapter to drink/feed upon (whichever terminology suits you best), or something along those lines?

 

(Ace's Iron Gauntlet Constructive Criticism - 7/20 :D )

 

I should add, though, that apart from that the chapter seems quite solid and well thought out.

[Ferrus Manus]

But there's got to be a finite amount, surely? Even with careful rationing you couldn't keep on feeding new recruits Daktar's blood.

And there's also the risk that any you might have stored would also only last for so long.

 

Perhaps you could add that marines regularly give their apothecaries something akin to 'blood tithes', and those whose blood most closely resembles Daktar's is siphoned off, bit by bit for the chapter to drink/feed upon (whichever terminology suits you best), or something along those lines?

A fair and good point. I think that is what would need to happen. But, thinking about it, the Blood Angels have a single grail full - over 10000 years - which has never run out (unless you believe Mr. Swallow) as no matter how much you take, if you put double back then technically it's still Sanguinius' blood, just not as concentrated as the last time. Which is what I see happening here. Eventually you'd get to the point that the actual amount of Daktar's blood in the chalice would be negligible, but spiritually it is his blood. I'll add it in.

 

On an unrelated note, if you type 'Exsanguination Blood Angels' into google the fifth result is this thread.

[Ace Debonair]

To the Mourning Souls the words ‘life’ and ‘death’ have no meaning. Due to their curse they are dead from the moment they are implanted with the sacred geneseed. As such, they believe that they must seek to great deeds during their lifetime to take before the Emperor in the afterlife. This means that the Astartes of the Mourning Souls are generally more reckless than other Chapter in their quests for eternal remembrance.

 

This might just be me, but having that really cool first line backed up with the highlighted bits makes this a bit of tricky sentence.

If life and death don't matter to them, it might be better to avoid using those words. The first bit could be;

"they believe themselves doomed from the moment they are implanted with the sacred geneseed" or something of that nature.

The second one I'd change to "during their time".

 

I haven't found any other issues with this chapter, or the IA up to now. Good stuff!

[Ferrus Manus]

Fair point Ace, I think I can agree with you on that ;)

 

Will edit accordingly...

[space wolf]

As far as running out of Daktar's blood, maybe they just clone more. Technically then, it is Daktar's blood. Other than that, its looking good, and I love the color scheme.

[Heru]

Here you go....

 

http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff265/Ferrus_Manus/Warhammer%2040k/ColourScheme-1.jpg

 

and

 

http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff265/Ferrus_Manus/Warhammer%2040k/Symbol.jpg

 

Will add them to the article later on.

When I read the article that is pretty much the exact scheme that popped into my head (minus the skull badge)...

[Ferrus Manus]

I guess great minds think alike :)

 

Anyway, I've lengthen the Homeworld section and any opinions and criticisms would be appreciated.

[Ferrus Manus]

Sorry for double posting but edits have been made and any C&C would be much appreciated.

[Maleagant]

I really dig your Chapter and color scheme - you really hit the "dark and brooding" feel.

 

What about adding a bit about the Inquisition investigating them (maybe even more so than Blood Angels due to their dual curse?)

 

I like how you limit the Dreadnought factor due to their insanity - very cool - and goes against the rumors out there of BA's having a ton of dreads in the next codex.

 

Keep up the good work!

[Grimdarkness]

Why tribes if the population of the chapters home world reside in the remnants of the hive city's would not they be more akin to city states such as the ancient Greeks?

[Ferrus Manus]

What about adding a bit about the Inquisition investigating them (maybe even more so than Blood Angels due to their dual curse?)

 

Keep up the good work!

I'd rather not, if the INQ found out about their second curse they'd be screwed, and if they found out about the Red Thirst/Black Rage all sons of Sanguinius would be screwed. It's a no win situation.

 

Why tribes if the population of the chapters home world reside in the remnants of the hive city's would not they be more akin to city states such as the ancient Greeks?

No, these guys are all for themselves. Their tribes are solely used to help protect them from other Clans. If they think they can back stab they will. It is only really when they're inducted into the Chapter that they learn anything like Brotherhood.

 

Thanks guys.

 

Anymore C&C would be appreciated. Be as picky as you like. :confused:

[Ace Debonair]

Sorry for double posting but edits have been made and any C&C would be much appreciated.

 

And so open the floodgates. Or they would, if I could find more than one thing to comment on. :lol:

 

But, Imperial Scholars cannot forget that while the chapter may fight in a supposedly disciplined and ordered way, they are still victims of the Black Rage and the mutations of their geneseed, meaning that the chapter always fields a unit of their Death Company, led by a Chaplain or a High Priest, to spearhead their assaults and act as terror troops, breaking the enemies’ morale as the rest of the strike force moves in to break the enemy. Thus many Imperial Commanders have refused to fight beside them, declaring the Chapter madmen or unclean mutates. None of these claims have ever been substantiated; the chapter ignores these outcries and fight besides their begrudging allies regardless; offering their skills and abilities to the battle at hand.

 

Would an Imperial Scholar know about the black rage? I always figured they kept that a close secret. ;)

[Ferrus Manus]

Edited out, thanks Ace.

 

Would someone mind going through with a very fine toothcomb and check it. Otherwise I'm going to go ahead and submit it.

[Octavulg]

On the outside the Mourning Souls are noble, if not dour, sons of Sanguinius; fighting in the name of their Emperor and the Imperium. However, even more so than their cousins, the Mourning Souls are cursed by their blood and must strive to stand in the face of their inevitable demise.

 

Er...noble, if not dour? What does that mean? Nobility and dour-ness are not usually coupled, so it's not one of your, "happy, if not ecstatic" couplings - what are you getting at?

 

The origins of the Mourning Souls are shrouded with blood, torment and even the threat of total annihilation. Born out of the 21st Founding, a founding marked by mutated geneseed, the Mourning Souls chapter were destined to change and warp, their purity to diminish. However, their loyalties only grew stronger. This was all to happen in time, in the beginning they were perfect.

 

Too much introductioning. This is another overview paragraph, and we already have one above. I'd leave out the little precis of their history - finish introducing them first.

 

The chapter was founded from the geneseed of the Blood Angels, and by extension Sanguinius. To lead them Brother-Captain Daktar was sent from the Angels Sanguine, along with a cadre of experienced veterans. In his wisdom, Daktar took a group of tribal barbarians and transformed them into Angels of Death. He trained them and moulded them into a living weapon to be used in the Emperor’s name. Upon their elevation to the rank of Battle Brother, Daktar gave a sermon to his chapter. It is said that on the conclusion of the oration every Astartes present bent to a knee and wept. As such, he named them the Mourning Souls.

 

Cursed Founding Chapters do not appear to have been founded by training cadres - see the WD article on them, specifically the bit about the Flame Falcons. It'd make a lot of sense if they weren't, in point of fact, since the mucked up geneseed is the whole point, and training cadres would both lack it and might notice it.

 

The Chapter soon discovered that they were linked in some inexplicable way. They could guess each others thoughts with unnerving accuracy and could finish each other sentences. They were closer than was thought possible. However, this effect was a double edged sword: orders could remain unspoken but understood; however, each brother’s death was truly felt by each Battle Brother. So much so that it will eventually break them; they begin to crave death and slip into the confines of the Black Rage. This is the fate of every Astartes of the Chapter. As such, the Mourning Souls field greater proportions of the Death Company.

 

Er...as soon as one slipped into the Black Rage, all the rest would logically follow almost immediately. Say what you will about Cursed Founding chapters, their Curses all make at least a minimal degree of sense - they're all at least sort of useful. This one seems more like it would be a liability - I think you need to rethink this Chapter, as I explain below.

 

Furthermore, this is the defining event of the Chapter. Cursed Founding chapters are their Curse and its manifestations. Instead, you've got almost as much on the Chapter's organization. That's...wrong.

 

To ensure that Daktar’s blood is never lost, each Apothecary and Brother-Chaplain is required to periodically donate a blood tithe. The size of the tithe is fairly minute, but ensures that the Chapter is forever safe from the eternal madness that so nearly claimed them at the dawn of their creation.

 

That...doesn't work. There's only so much Daktar to go around. And I doubt he was in much of a position to give up more in the first place...

 

Also, remember all the consequences of doing that with Sanguinius' blood? And his was genuine Primarch-stuff.

 

* * *

 

Only 2600 words, Ferrus? With such a length, you could only ever be a Zinc Toddler, or a Chromium Preschooler! No Iron Man for you! ^_^

 

Right now, their curse seems to need some more thought - what was their Curse an attempt to accomplish? Were they trying to create marines who were telepathically linked? If so, why choose the Blood Angels (AKA the Chapter where everyone goes crazy eventually)? The flaws in that would be pretty obvious. Were they trying to defeat the Black Rage? If so, why would these effects be created (how were they trying to do it) - an obvious way would be for them to be attempting to have each marine be a little crazy instead of one of them go all crazy. That'd produce effects like lessened emotions and such as well (I would assume).

 

Furthermore, they lack real character. They're sad cause they're going to die, except when they're angry. You don't seem to really like this chapter much. Let's have some fire, some exciting ideas. Something like that.

 

Think it through a bit more, figure out more about what their Curse would mean, then have at it again.

[Ferrus Manus]

Er...noble, if not dour? What does that mean? Nobility and dour-ness are not usually coupled, so it's not one of your, "happy, if not ecstatic" couplings - what are you getting at?

I think dour was the wrong word, maybe melancholic would be better.

 

Too much introductioning. This is another overview paragraph, and we already have one above. I'd leave out the little precis of their history - finish introducing them first.

Fair point.

 

Cursed Founding Chapters do not appear to have been founded by training cadres - see the WD article on them, specifically the bit about the Flame Falcons. It'd make a lot of sense if they weren't, in point of fact, since the mucked up geneseed is the whole point, and training cadres would both lack it and might notice it.

Hm, I'll look that up. I guess it does make sense <_<

 

That...doesn't work. There's only so much Daktar to go around. And I doubt he was in much of a position to give up more in the first place...

Aye, it doesn't. But then it's effectively the same with the Blood Angels. Cause of the exsanguination the blood that it is returned to the grail isn't as pure as it was when it left. Eventually, it will become 99.9% other and the rest being genuine Sanguinius. It's the same thing here, even though there is a minuscule amount of Daktar's blood in the grail to the Souls that means the whole amount belongs to him. It's more of a spiritual thing. Does that make better sense?

 

Only 2600 words, Ferrus? With such a length, you could only ever be a Zinc Toddler, or a Chromium Preschooler! No Iron Man for you!

 

Right now, their curse seems to need some more thought - what was their Curse an attempt to accomplish? Were they trying to create marines who were telepathically linked? If so, why choose the Blood Angels (AKA the Chapter where everyone goes crazy eventually)? The flaws in that would be pretty obvious. Were they trying to defeat the Black Rage? If so, why would these effects be created (how were they trying to do it) - an obvious way would be for them to be attempting to have each marine be a little crazy instead of one of them go all crazy. That'd produce effects like lessened emotions and such as well (I would assume).

 

Furthermore, they lack real character. They're sad cause they're going to die, except when they're angry. You don't seem to really like this chapter much. Let's have some fire, some exciting ideas. Something like that.

 

Think it through a bit more, figure out more about what their Curse would mean, then have at it again.

Zinc Toddler eh? Sounds better anyways :P

After giving it some thought I'm thinking that perhaps the Admech believed that the Death Company was a result of a an affinity to the warp. Hence, they try and create a chapter of nulls via their geneseed. This fails, epically, and the reverse happens. The Souls become telepathically linked, the opposite of what the Admech were trying to achieve.

 

And your right, the Curse seems a bit harsh at the moment, I think I will remove the part about the death cries making them go insane - they are Astartes, they can deal with it. Instead, I'll look at how nearness to the Death Coy affects the Marines.

 

And thanks for the Crit, I appreciate it.